bluejays-saddays

[bluejays-saddays]

[gripping the sink] perfectionism does not help me avoid embarrassment or shame. perfectionism is in itself a form of shame. when i struggle with perfectionism i struggle with shame. when i struggle with perfectionism i struggle with shame. when i struggle with perfectionism i struggle with shame

[bluejays-saddays]

“Still, the sun was hot. Still, one got over things. Still, life had a way of adding day to day.”

— Virginia Woolf, Mrs. Dalloway

[bluejays-saddays]

Hey man I’m just happy to be in this dark and scary woods with you

[bluejays-saddays]

[bluejays-saddays]

“I wonder if I’ll ever meet someone who will love me as much as I love the stars.”

— thewriterthatnobodynoticed

[bluejays-saddays]

The house is quiet without you.

I can't bare to move or touch your things

Surrounded by clutter but feeling empty

I cried cleaning your fingerprints from the furniture

I'm trapped in this weird limbo between clinging to your memory and needing to move on

How do I let go?

When a grocery list in your handwriting brings me to my knees

The words, "I miss you" don't hold enough value for the depth of pain that I am feeling

Yet those around me say I'm handling things so well

How strong I am

That it's good to see me laugh and smile

Can't they tell that it's all fake?

That my insides are shattered?

That I'm one breeze away from crumbling to ash?

I keep moving because you'd want me to

Because the pets need me to

But I wish I could be with you

Wherever you are

A world without you in it just doesn't seem worth it

And the house is too quiet

[bluejays-saddays]

Can I not simply dissolve into the earth?

For you are no longer here

And with you, my peace

Like ashes in the wind

[bluejays-saddays]

“Grief, I’ve learned, is really just love. It’s all the love you want to give, but cannot. All that unspent love gathers up in the corners of your eyes, the lump in your throat, and in that hollow part of your chest. Grief is just love with no place to go.”

― Jamie Anderson

[bluejays-saddays]

Inspired by @revelatori on Instagram ✨

[bluejays-saddays]

Seeing you in a casket

Was not something I thought would come so soon

Eyes and lips sealed forever

Warm skin the day before now turned cold

There is so much of my life that you will miss

So many paths I must walk without you

As I kneel and weep

Wishing for your chest to rise

I ache to place my head in your lap

As I did when I was a child

And feel your hand run through my hair

We were supposed to have more time

The plans that we made now mere thoughts on the wind

I will miss you forever

And have it carved into my skin

[bluejays-saddays]

X of Wands

I am not in my body

A living nightmare

Will I wake up and find you gone?

Or are you just in the other room?

I cannot reconcile

The image of you laying in that bed

Paper gown

With the woman I've known my entire life

Numb

If I allow myself to feel

I will stop

Stuck, scared, broken

Handle things I don't understand

Filter a million well wishes

But none feel as I do

Feel as you do

Sleeping and eating are secondary

Food is ash

My body shivers under covers

How will I survive this?

There's so much of my life you haven't seen yet

This wasn't supposed to happen yet

That thing in your head

Destroying the one I love most

I just want you home

I don't want to be alone

[bluejays-saddays]

The look of someone who pooped in their crate and needed a bath because of it...

[bluejays-saddays]

The Jacaranda Years by Yiwei Chai

[bluejays-saddays]

huge fan of reading and learning, but also an even bigger fan of sleeping and being unconscious.

[bluejays-saddays]

will you just let me be silly for a sec. there's this dread so ancient in me

[bluejays-saddays]

“It's taboo to admit that you're lonely. You can make jokes about it, of course. You can tell people that you spend most of your time with Netflix or that you haven't left the house today and you might not even go outside tomorrow. But rarely do you ever tell people about the true depths of your loneliness, about how you feel more and more alienated from your friends each passing day and you're not sure how to fix it. It seems like everyone is just better at living than you are. A part of you knew this was going to happen. Growing up, you just had this feeling that you wouldn't transition well to adult life, that you'd fall right through the cracks. And look at you now, it's happening.”

[bluejays-saddays]

"what's your dream job??" Uhh to have 17 weird little hobbies that I don't have to be good at and hang out with friends. I get money via being the world's specialist little princess