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Duck Pond, Discorder Magazine (Feb-March 2025)

Illustrations for the gonzo journalism piece for Duck Pond, a re-imagination of Tchaikovsky's Swan Lake and Hans Christian Andersen's The Ugly Duckling.

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something for my friend

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something for an upcoming project

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a series of illustrations for discorder magazine! Read the April/May issue here!

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feeling crazy in my brain!!!!!

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some recent doodles for new zine and stickers coming up!

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the current state of things

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year of the dragon

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Aya Takano

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art + lemony snicket

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2024-01-17 in response from A i'm glad to hear your chat with other sophie was fulfilling, that sounds like such an organic way to spend the day, one activity blending into the next. no purpose or agenda, just figuring out the next step together.

i think i understand what you mean when you refer to being stuck in your head.

i don't know how to describe it well, but right now, in this moment, i just came back from seeing a friend and a nice brisk walk. my mind feels clear and loved and inspired. it is in this state that i'm able to reflect upon other day sthat i have where i am in a totally different frame of mind. one where i feel ineffective or unmotivated or generally bad, haha.

and it's only in that contrast that i can realize that there are times i can get stuck in my head, and what it feels like not to be there. i guess the question is how do you recognize it's happening in the moment and pull yourself out? i'm not sure i've mastered that yet.

it's nice that your dad was concerned about you. it sounds like it came from a loving place in his heart. how did if feel for him to sort of perceive you as potentially lonely or needing company? what about him saying that you needed to be resilient? would you use those words to describe you?

a thought that crossed my mind before is pondering what the bodily sensation of loneliness feels like. i understand thirst, or hunger, or the need to pee... but how do i know if i'm lonely? what are the signs? is it possible i've been in a state of loneliness all this time, and just didn't know how to identify it? is it possible that the actual sadness and inwardness /is/ the loneliness. When you start to have those stuck in your head feelings, that is the sign in itself? and i have been trapped inside of it that i couldn't recognize it from the outside?

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2024-01-17

the art date on sunday was really nice, time spent with sophie always feels so nourishing

we drew each other at every hour and we talked about cultivating creativity, needing art as a way of living out life and feeling like outgrowing some people in our lives. i think we understood each other and hold each other with great care, even though we haven't even hung out that much anyways.

we snacked and listened to jazz and eventually caught a movie at the cinematheque.

on weekdays i feel stuck and on weekends less so, but today is a snow day and it feels more like a weeekend than a weekday but i still felt stuck indoors, at home, in my room, in my head.

what do you do when you feel like that? unable to shake yourself off and feeling annoyed being in your own skin?

my dad says not to stew in loneliness, to call a friend or just chat with him I think he was worried because i hadn't responded to his calls and texts, which was a huge oversight on my end having forgotten to turn off do not disturb mode on my phone after the cinematheque, and didn't realize that he probably thought something bad had happened to me after missing his texts and calls 3 days in a row, and hence his suggestion of not being alone. he says i am still young and need to learn to be strong and resilient, and that i still have many ways to go, but sometimes it feels hard and i feel like giving up.

i think today felt like one of those days.