blueskykitten

[blueskykitten]

comfortable silence — final part.

summary | kozume kenma and gn!reader finally get their shit together! warnings | it's fluff!!! word count | 2613. a/n | sorry it took me a while to get this out!! now i'm very much in the mood to write angst hurt/no comfort kenma :3 please let me know what you think! -` ♡ ´- part 1 to be found: here. part 2 to be found: here.

“maaa, where have you been, kenma?” 

kuroo tetsurou sounded almost annoyed, though the colour of concern was bleeding strong through his voice, suspicion not far behind. 

kozume kenma kept to his word. always. if he didn’t want to, he wouldn’t give any promises to begin with.

so when he said he was going to be there for practice, and then didn’t turn up, logically and only naturally, kuroo had to conclude that kenma was seized by an ailment, “it’s been 21 minutes and 23 seconds, and not like i’m keeping count, but— holy shit! kenma, are you alright?!”

kenma usually thought that kuroo tetsurou was quite the drama queen, enjoying riling up people in more ways than one. usually, he also didn’t mind it, perfectly capable of ignoring kuroo’s taunts, especially if they were directed at others, or lazily retorting back with smart-assed comments to dampen his best friend, when they were aimed at him (which only worked sometimes at best). 

usually.

but today of all days, now of all times, when kenma’s mind couldn’t stop replaying the words that had passed your lips, and his mind’s eye kept seeing you look up at him with shy hope in your eyes, cheeks already in flames, lips burning from where he had mustered up the courage to kiss you back — now, kenma really hoped kuroo would quit his shenanigans, because kenma feared that now was when he was most susceptible to it.

“i’m,” he breathed out and hoped his face would calm down by the time he reached his teammates, “fine.”

“you don’t look fine to me. come here, are you getting a fever?” kuroo slapped his too-big-hand onto kenma’s face to feel his temperature. concentration swam in his eyes as he mushed kenma’s nose underneath his fingers, even though kuroo only needed to check his forehead at most. 

an inkling of annoyance started to shape up within the blonde’s chest and kenma slapped kuroo’s hand away, muffled voice objecting but it was drowned out by the others on his team. 

all of lev’s 194 cm shrieked in response to kuroo’s conjecture, “fever?! but we haven’t been able to spike some balls!”

“hold on, you moronic titan, we’re not done yet. where are you going?!” yaku was quick to grab a hold of lev’s shirt, pulling him back, effectively almost choking him. lev inhaled deeply, hysterically, before —

“but yakkunnnn— wait, wai— mphmpf. wait, h-hold on, i wasn’t read—nghn!” 

“you always gotta be ready at any speed the ball will come hurtling at you!”

another yell back, hands raised to protect his head, “not when it’s purposefully aimed at my face!!”

kenma sighed and pushed past kuroo, though his black-haired friend’s eyes followed him, glinting in the artificial gymnasium light, suspicion heavy. he could see that the gears were turning, giving kenma a look from head to toe, fingers rubbing his jaw, deep in thought. 

“let’s just get this over with,” kenma mumbled to himself, though kuroo’s brows furrowed even more in thought, a quiet “curious.” escaping him. 

throughout the drills and the team practice, kuroo kept observing his friend: the way his mind was barely around to use in plays, the way his reaction time waned with every movement of the clock nearing evening. not only that, even the way he didn’t immediately try to collapse whenever there was a break — something happened, he decided. and he wouldn’t be a good friend if he didn’t at least try to inquire.

kenma felt each instance of kuroo’s staring when his best friend thought nobody was watching, and the way the hair on his neck stood up at the intense glowering, it was hard to ignore. there was another short break incoming, though kenma’s thoughts had already started wandering before any pause could be called, golden eyes trained on the clock, anticipating the end of the club. it had been a long time since he felt this incredibly nervous. 

sweaty hands that he had to wipe on his shorts, heart racing so hard he almost felt dizzy from the adrenaline, a dry throat rivalling the moments of dehydration during summer. it wasn’t like he had cause to feel anxious about anything, not when you had taken the initiative and told him you liked him, not when he had tangible proof that it might not all have been a fabrication in his head. 

but god, he was sweating, and it wasn’t because of volleyball. 

“you keep looking at the clock, kenma.”

kuroo settled next to kenma as they rotated, not looking at him, focused on the opposite players in front of the net, hands poised hovering, ready to block out a possible attack. 

kenma shrugged, though the reminder had him peel his tongue off the roof of his mouth with more effort than normally, “yeah.”

a short glance from the captain of nekoma high’s volleyball club; his gaze scrutinising, looking over his friend again, like a detective on a mission, ready to unravel all his thoughts. 

kenma returned his gaze with a blank face, carefully schooling his features.

“where were you earlier?” the second inquiry came right as the serve was called out, so kenma used the opportunity of having to concentrate to evade kuroo again, eyes following the ball closely, jumping when needed, setting over to the other side of the court, not missing the narrowed eyes of his best friend when he came down from the block. 

point for captain’s team.

“damn it, kenma, i will uncover this even if it kills me!!” kuroo exploded suddenly, his pointer finger all up in kenma’s face after a long look, “you’re a lousy actor and you’re not allowed to get away with it. you just wait. even if it’s the last thing i’ll dedicate to doing in my life!”

“not finding a baddie and marrying her?”

“you’re right, tora,” kuroo nodded to yamamoto, before fixing his blonde friend with another promising look, “kenma! spit it out! i don’t want to die maidenless!!”

“stop wiggling your fingers like that. you look like a perv,” was the only unenthusiastic response to kuroo’s antics.

all throughout tidying up the gymnasium, kenma felt like he was dirtying things up more than actually cleaning them. his sports clothes did nothing to keep his hands dry after having used them so many times to get rid of the proof of the anxiety spiking in his chest.

kuroo had stopped being persistent; his eyes only flitting over kenma’s form once in a while, watchful, and despite the big talk about trying to uncover anything, he left his friend to his own devices. 

if a bit of prying got kuroo nowhere, then there was a chance he needed to change his approach. a part of kenma felt relief at the stop in pushing, the hair-raising call to attention lessening. another part felt the already existing nervousness in his chest brew a little stronger, because he knew his friend and knew what it meant when there was a break in his picking of fights. 

stepping out of the gymnasium, the sounds of his teammates fooling around faded away, slinking into the background in the same seamless way his heart picked up its pace. a thrum he could barely escape, blood rushing through his ears and heating up his skin. 

you were beautiful on a normal day when nothing was awaiting you and when expectations were unmet, but you were breathtaking when you were waiting for him, looking down because you couldn’t meet his eyes, the pink stealing itself away on your face, a certain uncertainty in your step as you rocked back and forth.

faintly, he heard his teammates pique in curiosity at the presence of somebody near the gymnasium premises, so late after school had already finished, but kenma parted from them without a glance and a goodbye. 

like a group of clucking hens they were lead away, one tripping over the other to catch a glance, and kuroo tetsurou their shepherd with enough situational awareness to understand that it was none of their business and with all the more annoying squint of his eyes and the cocky smile splitting his face, ready to tease his friend over it in the next couple days.

kenma’s steps were slow and heavy. he wasn’t very good at confrontations, if it even ever came to that, so he had to drag his legs, willing his muscles to work with and for him. and even though you could hear the shuffle of his street shoes on the ground, you purposefully didn’t look up. it made it easier to approach you, made it easier to stare at you unabashedly, should have made it easier to think of what to say, but when he stood in front of you, the tip of his toes pressing down inside his shoes, he found himself without words once again.

he wondered if he was ever going to be able to breathe when you were around.

the breeze didn’t lessen over the hours, still as soft though with a touch more cold than during the day, when the sun had the chance to wrap you in her embrace. 

“about what i said,” you started but then paused when you noticed that you didn’t know what to say either, eyes still plastered to his legs, watching his shoes squirm in front of you.

“i don’t remember,” he murmured, voice soft and stubborn, words clear and deceiving. you knew he had heard you hours ago when you confessed, when the traitorous words had slipped your lips in a moment of adrenaline, yet he stood there, hands shoved deep into his pockets, the slight bobbing of his throat the only thing you could see out of the periphery of your eyes. 

you couldn’t help it. the fact that you knew he was not telling the truth made you exhale quietly, most of the adrenaline pushed out of your chest with force, a nervous smile ready to take over your features, and you settled into the familiarity of a cushion well worn, of a seat on his couch that had always been your spot amongst the many ones he occupied, a back and forth you were an expert in, “you’re lying.”

this time you did glance up at him, catching the way he tilted his head to look to the side, blonde strands of his hair slightly brushing his jaw at the movement. his eyes looked at anything but you, bullheaded in his nature, lips pursing at the call out, “i’m not.”

“yeah, you are.”

the piercing golden eyes of his cast away from you, still stubborn, still insisting, “am not. i don’t remember.”

“okay,” you agreed, a tiny step closer to him than before.

he sent you a tentative glance, the same way a hesitant kitten would, eyeing a risk up, seeing whether it was worth going for, but when his gaze met yours, he looked away and his brows twitched. you continued, a tease hidden in your words, “if you don’t remember, then i guess i don’t have to worry about it anymore, either.”

you could see the workings in his jaw, the expression on his face was fleeting, the slight annoyance at having his plans foiled, the almost interested perk up at the change in strategy, too fast to catch if you weren’t so versed in memorising the fluttering his facial muscles couldn’t hide. 

“i guess —,” he responded, the words tumbling over his lips slowly, gold raking over you in an inquisitive manner, “— it’s not important then.”

your heart skipped a beat at the insinuation, at the intensity in his eyes as he fixed his look on you, deliberately taking a few seconds to show you the opposite — that it was important to him. all the same, the unsure undertone swinging in his soft tenor requested you to challenge him on that belief, to disagree with him, even in his performative deception. 

he hated losing but would rather be beaten in this instance.

the wind cooled the red on your cheeks as you gave in, “shame. i suppose you don’t want a reminder then, if you don’t care to know.”

his jaw moved forward imperceptibly, teeth set together, hands pulled out from their pockets, grasping the air. the offer laid heavily on his tongue when he opened his mouth slightly, breathing out; the knot of nerves lodged in his throat bobbing around a dry swallow. then, echoing, “i suppose.”

before you could reply, he narrowed his eyes into a sheepish glance, voice resembling a grumble; the eager twitch of his ears peeking out from between the blonde curtain was not lost on you, “though, a recap wouldn’t hurt.”

hooves. you felt hooves thundering in your chest, out of breath and so very tight. another shuffle of your feet to bring you a little closer, head leaning in, the anticipation crawled over you slowly, but there were his eyes; the sharp watchfulness trained on you, noticing your every movement, absorbing each moment hanging between you.

“kenma.”

he didn’t look away, barely reacted; if you squinted, you could see the vibration of his throat, “hm?”

“close your eyes.”

his pupils darted from your mouth to take in your whole face, “why?”

your tongue wetted your dry lips and his exhale felt too hot, eyes catching that movement, too. you wished your voice was stronger, “because. you make me nervous.”

in lieu of replying, he hid the gold from you and the weight on your shoulders lessened. his senses were sharp and his imagination endless, so you knew he was envisioning how you looked when the ground crunched under your feet as you stepped forward, how close you had to be to feel the warmth of your body, to smell your light scent, to hear your quiet breathing so close to his mouth. 

he didn’t need to see to know. 

(though, he would have preferred watching.)

but kenma was patient, when he wanted to be. when there was reason to. when the ghost of your lips hovered over his own, patiently waiting their yielding to pressure, then: flesh compliant to the hesitant movement, the softness, the taste, the swipe of a curious, tentative tongue only for it to dissolve into urgency the second he responded in like. 

kenma stole kisses from you, one after the other, his chest hurting when he breathed, hands too clammy as they touched your neck. your fingers couldn’t stop exploring either, digging deeply into his scalp, strands of his hair caught between your hands.

parting, a slight gasp, breathing the same air, “do you remember now?”

“i refuse,” he shut you up with another pull of your head towards his, words muffled against the pillows of your lips, “you know, i don’t skip any scenes.”

he had opened his eyes even though you told him to keep them closed, but through the thicket of his lashes, he memorised this scene from up-close — the curve of your cheek, your eyebrows, the half-lidded shy glance you sent his way, the taste of you, the caress of your wet tongue, his nose bumping against yours, your body close to his.

kenma didn’t kiss very often, but he had a taste for it now. seemed like he just needed to forget things more often. 

a murmur so soft-spoken and quiet, you almost missed it: “i like you lots, too.”

“i knew you were lying.”

“eh? i didn’t say anything.”

“yeah, you did,” your fingers slipped between his.

his breath hitched slightly, almost unnoticeable, “didn’t.”

a tentative squeeze, “did.”

“didn’t.”

“did.”

“didn’t,” he squeezed back, sure in his response, pulse warm and heavy in your hand.

[blueskykitten]

little teruaois

their height difference is everything to me

[blueskykitten]

sometimes (oftentimes) i go a wee bit crazy thinking about Hoshino Ai's love

about how she spent her entire life thinking she was incapable of it but never stopped wanting it - not even to receive love herself but to give it and know that her feelings were true

how she calls herself a dirty, impure person when her enduring legacy in the story is the purity of her love - pure as in unadulterated, uncompromising, resolute and true.

love that makes you forgive a mother who hated you. love that makes you rip yourself bit by bit away from the acceptance and companionship you've desperately wanted all your life because even at your age, you understand that just because something feels good doesn't mean it is good. love that lets you stand on your feet while you bleed to death and apologize to the man who murdered you for not loving him enough

and then - to look your most desperate and wretched fears in the face and finally say it, even if you're sure it will be a lie, because you cannot stand the thought of leaving your children behind without them ever knowing if their mother loved them.and then to realize -

oh.

those words weren't a lie.

after all this time, you finally managed to get it right.

[blueskykitten]

Original HikaAi Live Action Scenes?!

So the trailer for 『【推しの子】-The Final Act-』 (which is the live action adaptation of the movie arc which got chopped off into its own film, releasing 20th Dec, separate from the LA tv series releasing 28th Nov) dropped a week ago but I finally got around to looking at it properly and GUYS. I THINK WE'RE GETTING LA ORIGINAL HIKAAI SCENES

White roses!! And the card says

"To you, the one's she loved the most"

Is this a letter from Hikaru to the twins?? Maybe a Papa Hikaru moment??

Ai's cat shirt... cute

And look at her long ass hat brim too lmao. Why are they talking to each other like that... to avoid a scandal?

Is she calling him in the hospital??

Anyway. Here's the full trailer... most of these scenes are taken from 0:55

I'm trying not to get my hopes up for a live action adaptation... but if they give me some good HikaAi scenes I don't care if the rest of the show is bad lmao.

[blueskykitten]

So I'm thinking about my rather silly better end to Oshi no Ko and how I made Hikaru kill himself. I went this route for a few reasons:

- I was working off what Aka gave us about him trying to hurt Ruby

- Just taking him to jail at that point felt pretty anticlimactic

- I wanted to give Hikaru a proper sendoff where he was able to feel Ai's presence before death

- I was thinking of what he meant about doing something for Ai, like he said, and the way he didn't seem to care much for his own life

But what I really wanted for my sad boy serial killer was a relatively good end. If we scrap everything about him being a manipulative killer and go with the hypothesis that he was only involved in Yura's death, then his 154 characterization stays intact.

I was hoping that on the cliff with Aqua he was simply posturing and taking the blame for Aqua's accusations about Ruby. If he already knew he was responsible for one death, felt guilty for how he accidentally got Ai killed, as well as if he felt that Aqua was not going to listen to reason, then he could have decided to play into being the villain. Or there could have been some truth to not protecting Ruby. For instance, if he suspected Nino's intentions but didn't make enough of an effort to stop her.

Perhaps at that point, he may have tried to jump and Aqua would stop him.

Whatever the case plotwise, I was truly hoping for him to be forgiven in the end. Not for Yura's death, which he would need to go to jail for, but as a person who is not irredeemable. I think there's a difference between forgiveness and redemption. Hikaru didn't need to be redeemed in order for the violence to stop with him.

And in putting down his revenge, Aqua may have realized that he, himself, was never at fault for not being able to save Ai.

With an end like this, Ai's wish would have been fulfilled, Hikaru would have been brought to justice, and nobody needed to die.

Is that too cheesy? I dunno, maybe. But I really wanted Ai to get her wish for Hikaru and for her kids to grow up happy and healthy. Unfortunately, it was an impossible dream.

[blueskykitten]

sleepover~

[blueskykitten]

IS THAT HIKARU BEHIND YOUNGER AI?? Are we getting the 15 year lie + hikaai in the live action movie?? I’m so happy 😭 more things for hikaai… (this is from the trailer for the live action movie for Oshi no ko!! “The Final Act”)

[blueskykitten]

I will never get over how stupid the manipulation panels in chp 160 are. It makes the story worse in every conceivable way.

It basically dilutes the message of story. Instead of being the inevitable product of the fuck up purity standards and unhealthy parasocialism inherent to the idol industry, I guess Ryosuke was just mindbroken by the world's most mentally ill 19 year old.

It also makes Hikaru's character wildy inconsistent. I can buy him lashing out at Ai in a moment of despair, but spending 5 ish years plotting to get back at her? It just does not line up with the Hikaru we see in the 154 flashback. It replies a strong level of resentment towards Ai that we don't really see from him.

Not only that, but by having Hikaru display such intense malice this soon after the hikaai break-up, it makes it seem like he was already irreparably broken and unsalvageable at age 15. And idk man, it seems really really insensitive to do that with a character who is a csa victim. Onk is not the first work with a villian who turns evil after experiencing csa (and unfortunately I doubt it will be the last), but it pours extra salt in the wound by making it seemed like it wouldn't do that by showing Hikaru in a deeply sympathetic way for 40 chapters, only to do a 180 in the last stretch.

What was the point of chp 160 other than to choreograph to the audience that Hikaru is an evil threat that must taken down. But you know what could have done the job better? Spending some of the past 50 something chapters building his antagonism. As it stands, nothing about Hikaru's character works.

[blueskykitten]

Hey remember when Oshi no Ko had an incredibly satisfying ending? It was hopeful but not saccharine. A little bittersweet. Everything leading up to it made sense with almost no plot threads left unresolved. It wasn't perfect but it absolutely stuck the landing.

And most importantly in my opinion, Ai's wishes for her kids were not in vain.

[blueskykitten]

Hikaru loves his children.

[3]

This is part of a series, you don’t need to read the others, but it might add some extra context:

Part [0]: main post

Part [1]: Hikaru’s motivations

Random intermezzo

Part [2]: Hikaru’s relationship with Yura, Nino, Ryosuke

Part [3]: Hikaru's relationship with Aqua & Ruby

I think his affection for Aqua and Ruby is hinted at throughout the manga. For example, in the interviews (I assume he did all of them) he probes after their lives, wellbeing and early careers. He seems to have followed them for a while and speaks kindly to them, which I think means that he has genuine fatherly feelings for them that are veiled by a sense of guilt. Ai felt like she could raise the kids together with him, which makes me think he would be able to if he was in a better mental position.

Interviews:

The idea that all the interviews might be Hikaru’s is really interesting. This suggests that he has been keeping tabs on his children to know how they’re doing, showing his affection for them and his timid nature that has been shown in the movie.

In his first interview with Ruby, he is aware that this is her first acting job. He asks her how she feels about it, a question that feels normal for an interview yet caring. In an interview with Miyako, he asks what it’s like to manage the twins and if they’re geniuses, a term Ai used to describe them. Notably, Miyako is referred to as [manager] and not mother, which makes it seem like he doesn’t see her as their mother. Hikaru is also interested in Ai’s legacy. He questions a fan about idols they’ve liked, probably probing for Ai. The otaku recalls Ai’s concert where the twins did the dance and, in the anime, she receives a bouquet of white roses before it. This connects that concert to Hikaru.

Outside of Miyako, he also interviews other central figures to the twins’ life, meaning he knows their closest relationships. He congratulates Gotanda and, indirectly, asks what Aqua & Ruby were like as children. In Kana’s interview, he asks about her reputation as a genius actress, nothing interesting though he shows an awareness of her connection to the twins and maybe tries to understand why she matters to them. He asks a kindergarten teacher about the twins and once again asks if they’re gifted. Hikaru knows where the kids attended school, meaning he has been keeping tabs on them for a while.

It’s interesting that he interviewed Saito before the movie. He asks about Ichigo’s management regarding Ai and I think he indirectly asks why he is a fisherman instead of managing Ichigo Production, which I think alludes to his interest in those connected to Ai. This could also be a reason why Ichigo is angry at the interviewer and why he instantly shuts Aqua’s “my father is dead” down.

Hikaru’s relationship with Aqua

I think he’s supposed to represent a dark mirror to Aqua, reflecting a path Aqua might have taken had he lacked the family and friends who kept him grounded. I think the ending of the manga may change this stance of mine :(((((((. While Aqua has loved ones, Hikaru lost Ai, Seijuro (Seijuro-senpai), Airi (Airi-san), Ryosuke (Ryosuke-kun) and Yura. They all differ in effect and closeness and if they actually helped him but they were people he leaned on. Though Nino is still in his life, I think he stays more out of guilt than a close trusting friendship (Kamiki-san < - > Nino-kun), especially for, in his view, taking Ai and maybe Ryosuke away from her. Guilt drives both Hikaru and Aqua, but in contrast to Aqua whose relationship give him more resilience, Hikaru doesn’t have anyone. Can't really say this anymore because of the last few chapters; but we'll see how it goes. I'm still processing them. I had a more positive outlook of the manga's ending, when I wrote this in the past few weeks, than I do now, sadly :((.

Aqua’s self-sacrificing tendencies, his sense of being a burden and his preference to do things without asking for help even when he needs it, mirrors Ai more. I hope he’ll overcome that and not repeat the mistakes of the past generation. These last chapters are not helping this more positive interpretation :(((((. In chapter 152, Hikaru emphasises with Aqua and is curious behind the reason that Aqua lies towards him and bottles his feelings up. I think it’s quite interesting that he instantly sees through the lie, like Ai told him in the movie, lies don’t work on Hikaru if he doesn’t believe them already (which is similar to Ai [Ai did call him the same as her] -> she saw through his lies but never through her own lie that she wasn’t able to love others). His empathy and curiosity over Aqua’s lies suggest that he recognises his own emotional restraint in Aqua. In chapter 153, his eyes look quite emotional to Aqua’s promise of revenge almost like it’s a relief to him. This scene makes it feel as if he’s been waiting for Aqua’s hatred and considers it a fitting response to his actions.

During this chapter, he offers a seemingly honest review of the movie, using lines from chapter 1. He says that the love between him and Ai was only one-sided and that Ai didn’t love him twice (also in 154). He also implies he has never been loved by anyone else (“she was just like everyone else”). Showing that he didn't have anyone, in contrast to Aqua. 1He congratulates Aqua on fulfilling his wish and if revenge were Ai’s wish then he’ll accept it. 2He says he loved her from the bottom of his heart. 3He also says he is glad that he could finally talk to Aqua which indicates that he really wanted to for a while, which could be confirmed if the interviews are his. I think these last three points suggest a sincere paternal affection. This sentiment is also seen as he describes himself as a murderer, but still says that those last few sentences (his paternal feelings) are how he really feels, for no practical reason. So, I think he’s speaking the truth.

Despite his immoral actions, he doesn’t seem to resent the twins; at one point, he was willing to take care of them, marry Ai and be a family together. Hikaru’s sense of guilt over the past is evident. He blames himself for what happened with Airi and also Ai. It didn’t really help that Ai seemed to give his situation with Airi as another reason for her leaving (even though she just didn’t want to burden him with another child). He also mentions that he is willing to sacrifice his life for Ai out of the blue? I think this is why he’s fine with the revenge (his death) Aqua has, if that’s what Ai would’ve wanted.

He humanises Ai by describing her as a normal human being living a normal life where she was afraid, selfish and cruel, just an ordinary girl you could find anywhere. A direct contradiction to his previously established goal of preserving Ai’s memory by killing those who might surpass her and to immortalise them. I think this contradiction means that Hikaru’s guilt drives his actions. The previous stated reason seems to fit Nino’s reasonings more. When It’s revealed that the DVD is a love letter to him, he says that he will do what he can for Ai, which now I seriously wonder what that means. I think he wanted to fulfil Ai’s wish to save him by killing himself, which would stop everything, as he was at a random cliff at night. (What was he doing there, just watching Ruby’s concert at a cliff? For the ambiance?) Hikaru is called empty by the narrator, which I think is interesting, when you connect that to the song Fatal and what Airi said to him. It could be that guilt is the only thing he can feel now, which makes him feel alive and closer to Ai as he feels guilty for taking part in her death.

In the last few chapters, he invites Aqua to watch Ruby’s concert with him. He tells Aqua that they and Ai have eyes that make people believe you (also obey you), that deceive others and have charisma. Something also echoed by Kindaichi as having deceiving eyes. This is a trait that links them. He also says that he understands that it feels good to have an impact on people, yet we only see positive memories when Aqua thinks about this line, which makes me question what Hikaru thinks.

The distinction between white stars (wanting to love) and black stars (wanting to be loved) emphasise that Ruby wants to love everybody, even Hikaru in the way the panel frames him, despite Ruby saying she can’t forgive him in chapter 147. This is further supported in chapter 155 which says Ruby has forgiven him. I would’ve loved to see this more elaborated in the manga (but, unfortunately, this will probably never be mentioned again).

Later in that arc, Tsukiyomi says that Hikaru was obsessed with the idea that killing those who could surpass Ai would increase her significance, but we still haven’t seen where he got the idea from. It only explains why he waits till Ruby turns 18 and she “surpasses” Ai, to kill her. She also says that he manipulated those around him and that it is his destiny to try to kill Ruby. I find this fatalistic view quite weird and it clashes with Ruby and Aqua’s saying that they are looking towards the future by shaping it themselves. Hikaru’s intent to kill Ruby contradicts with his interactions with Aqua that show his desire for Aqua to have a good future. Why wouldn’t he want that for Ruby too?

In Hikaru and Aqua’s final confrontation, Hikaru says Ruby has no future but to wither and die. This comes out of nowhere. Does he want Aqua to kill him? Is this the reason he also sponsors the movie in chapter 138? He says that killing him would increase Ai’s significance. Is this because he would feel guilty if Aqua would kill him, because Aqua would be hurt in the process, even though he wouldn’t mind being dead? He does ask him if it’s really okay to kill and what would happen after that, hinting that he cares about the twins and that they should head for the future. He then gives some good points about Aqua becoming a murderer not being good for Ruby. Why would he care, if she’s going to wither and die??? Why would he care about the wish she told him in 147, if she will wither and die?? It’s almost as if he wants Aqua to be angry at him. He also calls Aqua smart and gives him reasons to live, which is cute if you ignore the context wherein he is provoking Aqua. Hikaru even seems happy that Aqua also thinks his life is valuable, like why would he if he didn’t give a flying fck about his kids. He’s only shocked when Aqua says he’ll throw that all away and he doesn’t even plead for his own life, he’s pleading for Ruby's reputation. Why would he do that once again if she’s going to wither and die? His reaction to Aqua stabbing himself ain’t satisfaction either. I think him saying stop at Aqua for pushing him down a cliff is a normal human reaction but could also be him in disbelief that Aqua threw his life away. During this confrontation, his words seem aimed more at Aqua’s well-being than at his own self-preservation. I think he didn't mind dying, but feels guilty that he, indirectly, dragged Aqua into death. I think his guilt plays the most important role here. That emotion is more tangible to him than any other emotion, giving him a sense of connection both to the dead and I think even to the living and thus his children.

In the sea, he grasps Aqua and I don’t think he is choking Aqua because the panels in front of that say he’s losing strength and he also has the disadvantage of being under Aqua, being forced down by gravity and the pressure of all the water on top of him. (Still kinda laughing at Aqua choking Hikaru UNDER WATER, he can’t breathe already, why choke him lmao). Hikaru also for some reason doesn’t want to die yet. (Does anyone have an idea why?) He only feels alive when he was with Ai. It’s as if he can only feel alive and feel her presence by using the weight of his burden, aka his guilt. He feels less guilt over time, so he needed to feel that guilt again. He does this by involving himself in murders. This motive might explain why he used Nino to kill because he would feel guilty for using her and it's more in line with his timid and formerly noble nature. He can’t bring himself to do those actions with his own hands. His final statement, “if I had killed Ruby”, came out of nowhere. When I read that line at first, I was like where does this come from? But now thinking more about it, I think he would’ve felt the closest to Ai when he would’ve made Ruby die because he would’ve felt the most guilt when killing his daughter which brings us to the next twin.

Hikaru’s relationship with Ruby

I believe Hikaru’s connection to Ruby is marked by guilt and genuine affection. I think he’d feel the most guilt for killing Ruby or being involved in her death, which would make him feel the most connected to Ai. I see this guilt as a sign that he did care about his children on some level. However, if he expected Nino to kill Ruby, why would he watch Ruby’s concert in the middle of nowhere even though she should’ve been dead by then? (If nobody surpassing Ai was the motivation, didn't he fail then, according to the manga's narrative?) After that call in chapter 158, Nino could act on her own, but if Nino didn’t work then what? Either he didn’t think this through or he knew Nino would get caught, which could mean he wanted to wrap it all up and maybe just kill himself at the cliff? I think he wanted to fulfil Ai’s wish to save him by killing himself, which would stop everything and fulfill her wish of saving him.

The first time we see him, Hikaru seems really happy to see Ruby and talks so gently about her. He almost displays fatherly affection, complementing her beauty and pointing out that she’s his and Ai’s daughter. Why would he compliment Ruby and emphasise that she’s his daughter? It’s strangely personal for someone who may want to kill her. Coupled that he knew Ruby’s name and done the interviews, it seems that Hikaru kept tabs on his children and wants to connect with them in some way.

Hikaru feels tender, when he offers the umbrella in chapter 146. [Just like Seijuro is making me :((((( ] In that scene, he asks Ruby if everything is okay and asks permission to share his umbrella. Why is he so polite? He admits to having thought about the question if something is right for a long time, which we see in the movie. He also expresses curiosity in Ruby’s true wish, what she wants to do and become, suggesting that he does care about her aspirations. He then compliments Ruby again and voices that Ruby’s life may be even more important than Ai’s. Hikaru seems sincere here and combined with at least one white star in his eyes, makes me really confused about his intentions. Does this white star signify a desire to love Ruby at that moment? Does he feel hope for the future? There is way too much room for multiple interpretations, which makes me inconclusive about his true intentions here, but I think it’s something positive.

Hikaru’s intentions grow even more confusing given that he knows both Nino and Akane are watching. Did he just want to touch Ruby or did he intend for Akane to intervene? Knowing Nino was there, perhaps he wanted her to hear Ruby’s ambition to surpass Ai, which might spur Nino to act on his behalf. However, if this was his goal, it’s odd that he has a white star. This contradiction suggests that, despite there being potential for manipulating Nino, Hikaru might still feel love for his children. If something were to happen to them, he would feel intense guilt, which he equates with closeness to Ai.

It’s really interesting if Ruby was a foil to him, much like Aqua. When Ruby displays a black star, her nature feels like her father’s: both have manipulated others, while keeping their hands clean. They both don’t fully seem to realise the harm in comparison to Aqua/Ai until later, with Ruby seeing herself as dirty because of it and Hikaru internalizing blame even for events he doesn’t have control over. Both characters also attach themselves to others for purpose (Aqua-Gorou/Ai). However, unlike Hikaru, I think Ruby has friends and family, that she made during the manga’s runtime, that can help her overcome this, but we don’t really see much of this in the manga yet.

In conclusion, I think his guilt keeps him tethered to Ai, but also to his children. I think so much about his character is still unclear, but that’s also what makes him fun to theorise about. What do you think?

Thank you for reading!

[0] [1] [intermezzo] [2]

[blueskykitten]

Hikaru’s motivations.

[1]

This is part of a series, you don’t need to read the others, but it might add some extra context:

Part [0]: main post

Part [1]: Hikaru’s motivations

Random intermezzo

Part [2]: Hikaru’s relationship with Yura, Nino, Ryosuke

Part [3]: Hikaru's relationship with Aqua & Ruby

Hikaru and guilt:

I’ll start with a few things I assume are confirmed and I won’t discuss extensively:

-Hikaru loves Ai and Ai loved him back.

-Hikaru is involved in all the murders but hasn’t killed anyone himself.

I also believe he didn’t kill Ai. Across different chapters, he has given us three motivations for “killing” Ai:

153: he killed her out of spite.

154: he never thought that Ryosuke would actually kill her and wanted Ai to feel his despair (he spilled her address while drinking with Ryosuke).

160: he never wanted to hurt anyone (he gave the bouquet to Ryosuke with a smile and blush and didn’t have the courage to meet Ai himself).

To me, the softening of his reasonings as the manga progresses feels like we’re getting closer to the truth. Which is that Hikaru didn’t intend for Ai to die. However, the story leaves it open-ended, so it’s not definitive.

Throughout the manga, he blames himself for a lot of things and carries a burden of guilt. He holds himself accountable for pretty much all the deaths connected to him (Airi, Seijuro, Ai, Ryosuke and Yura [exception being Gorou]), but also the stuff that happened with Airi (implied not only Airi even), making him a character with a complex relationship with guilt. I believe this stems from his interaction with Kindaichi. After Airi and Seijuro died, he took on the burden of living their lives and he reacts similarly when Ai and others die.

I think this burden manifests as guilt, which he feels like he must keep carrying as a link to the dead, especially Ai, whom he loved most. He feels guilty when someone close to him dies and connects guilt to their memory. Once this guilt fades, so does the feeling of their presence. To prevent this, he actively seeks to renew his guilt, especially his guilt over Ai’s death which is the greatest, by involving himself in murders. I think he feels this guilt towards Taiki as well, as he believes Airi’s situation is his fault. (Though, this is unfortunately the only thing I can theorise on his feelings towards Taiki before it goes into fanon territory. The canon hasn’t given us much, unfortunately).

His guilt over Ai’s death, and over taking Ai (and possibly Ryosuke) away from Nino, has caused him to stay around Nino. I think it isn’t healthy for either of them, as they fuel each other’s guilt complexes over these deaths.

I think the white roses are a physical manifestation of his guilt and maybe his love for others, which could be his sincere emotions, and we can see that he carries it around almost everywhere in the manga. I'm not sure about this one. They have so many interpretations. I found this on a flower shop site: "Japanese language of white roses: “purity, I am worthy of you, deep respect, etc. Western language of white roses: “innocence and purity, I am worthy of you, reverence, etc. The words “purity” and “deep respect” in the language of flowers suggest that a gift of white roses will convey sincerity. White roses are also a popular flower for weddings, and are often used in bouquets and decorations at weddings."

Hikaru’s nature & self-perception

Hikaru doesn’t kill himself, even if he wants too, because doing so would end his burden (guilt) and, by extension, his connection to Ai. Death would stop his feelings of guilt, which he relies on to stay connected to her memory. He says he doesn't mind rotting away along with the many lives he's carried on his back, so I think that means he wants to keep carrying this burden/guilt.

While he is involved in the murders, he refrains from committing them himself, so it makes it seem like he’s aware of the immorality of his actions. Tsukiyomi calls him “formerly noble” and he’s portrayed as timid in the movie arc. He only reaches out to his children, when they seek him out, possibly due to shame or guilt over causing their mother’s death. His timidness and guilt would prevent him from reaching out to his children out of his own initiative. He could still have a lingering sense of nobility in avoiding doing the murders himself (even though he’s still involved in them). This self-awareness makes him blame himself, yet he can’t seem to stop involving himself in murders of those he knows to re-experience his guilt and his connection to Ai. Tsukiyomi implies that Aqua, Nino and Hikaru have taken someone’s life for the sake of love, yet Hikaru has only been involved in the murders and hasn’t committed any of them himself. Does his refusal to kill directly, yet constant involvement in murder, mean that he clings to guilt as his last link to Ai? I think this could be a solid interpretation.

From a young age, Hikaru has been timid and self-blaming. This timid nature can be seen in the first line Aqua says, portraying Hikaru’s younger self: “But someone like me …”. It reflects Hikaru’s tendency towards self-blame that we see throughout the manga. Aqua also portrays Kamiki as aware of what was happening when Airi rapes him, though in the flashback of chapter 153, Hikaru looks more confused. I take this as a sign that we shouldn’t fully accept the movie’s portrayal of Hikaru as entirely accurate, but unfortunately, it’s the only thing we get.

Hikaru often hides his true feelings easily through lying and acting to make people love him. For example, during the movie arc, he lies about his favourite food to gain Ai’s affection. He believes it’s the right thing to do, to give up his body and lie, so he can earn love. This is also confirmed in chapter 153, which I think is his secondary motivation to lie, so he can be loved. Even though he lies, he treats his children kindly, showing that he’s still capable of affection. However, I think his belief that he must lie and offer up his body to be loved has hurt him the most.

When he and Ai had sex, he took it as proof that she loved him. But when she became pregnant, (what happened because they had sex) and then left him (saying she couldn’t love him), it punished his only form to get love at the time. This left him even more broken and desperate, yet also more careful in his actions toward Ai, which I think, together with his timidity, is the reason why he sent Ryosuke instead of going himself.

He easily sees trough Ruby’s (147) and Aqua’s (152) lies [for Ruby the lie being that that wasn't her true wish and for Aqua that he doesn't love anyone], yet he believes Ai when she says she can’t love him. This is because, deep down, he doesn’t believe he deserves someone’s love like Airi’s statement in the movie arc: “No one will ever love someone who’s hopelessly empty like you.” He genuinely believes he’s unlovable, fearing that everyone he cares about will eventually abandon him, so he clings to the people who do show him some kind of affection. It makes me sad that the manga reinforces this belief, as Ai is the only person ever shown to truly love him.

Ai is similar to Hikaru as she has her own insecurities about love. She believes she can’t genuinely love others and says to do so would make her a liar. Yet, despite her doubts, she’s honest and her actions reveal her love for others.

Ultimately, I think all these elements tie into Tsukiyomi’s description of Hikaru’s love as: “desire, disappointment and despair.” A desire to be loved, disappointment that he isn’t loved and despair when his only love, Ai, can’t love him and then dies.

Hikaru and fulfilling wishes:

He can also be seen as a kind of wish fulfiller, albeit it does seem a bit indirect I think it can work in a symbolic sense, since many characters express their wishes to him and in some way, they come true.

Yura: “He should’ve just hired a real highschooler.” Her wish is fulfilled when Ruby eventually gets the role.

Nino: she wants no one to surpass Ai. + “I told him (Ryosuke) to die”. -> Ryosuke kills himself and for a while, no one surpasses Ai until Hikaru doesn’t associate himself with Nino anymore, indirectly handing her over to the police and allowing Ruby’s wish to get precedence.

Ruby: she wishes that Aqua will find him and she also wishes to be the best idol, surpassing even Ai -> Aqua does find Hikaru and the narrative says she surpassed Ai (I don’t see it yet though ngl)

Aqua: he wishes for revenge -> Aqua achieves his revenge "twice": first through the movie (more for Ruby than him; but he still worked on it) and again within the last few chapters. He also wishes to "protect Ruby" (*COUGH* to kill himself) -> Hikaru gives him an excuse to follow through on it 😭. I'm still processing his character, they really turned into an unexpected road and I'm confused where we're driving to.

Ryosuke: he wishes to hurt Ai for having kids and no longer embodying a “pure” idol. -> Ai dies

Ai: wished for three things: to tell someone she loves them without it being a lie, to save Hikaru together with her children and for her children to grow up healthy and strong. -> In her final moments, she managed to tell her children she loved them. (A consequence of her connection with Hikaru leading to her death. I don’t really understand if the manga portrays her relationship with Hikaru as bad or not. This could really affect the story’s theme.) Ai’s second wish kinda comes true: Hikaru’s suffering ends after Aqua frees him from it through murder-suicide. It still taints her original hope, sadly enough. Her last wish, though, does come true in a way: the twins grow up strong and healthy, only until they’re 18, I guess. I’m still unsure where the manga is going with Ai. I thought her wishes would get precedence above all, but I guess not. We’ll see in the next chapters.

In conclusion, I think guilt is what motivates Kamiki's actions and he could be some kind of wish fulfiller in a symbolic sense.

Thank you for reading!

[0] [intermezzo] [2] [3]

[blueskykitten]

Hikaru considers everyone his friend (even though he shouldn’t).

[2]

This is part of a series, you don’t need to read the others, but it might add some extra context:

Part [0]: main post

Part [1]: Hikaru’s motivations

Random intermezzo

Part [2]: Hikaru’s relationship with Yura, Nino, Ryosuke

Part [3]: Hikaru's relationship with Aqua & Ruby

Hikaru’s approach to friendships is interesting. He bonds with people to increase his guilt, such as Yura. He also seems to view everyone who shows him affection, even if superficial or transactional, as a friend, such as Nino and Ryosuke.

Hikaru's relationship with Yura

I believe that he was genuine friends with Yura, as he expresses concern for her career by asking Yura to consider what her fans would think, and he compliments her (“It can’t be, you’re cute.”  “What a great attitude.”) Yura feels very comfortable sharing personal stuff with him. (“Miki-san” “You’re the best drinking buddy after all.”) All imply that they have known each other for quite a while. Despite the context making it seem like he wants to immortalise her talent, he warns Yura twice. Why would he do that? He also adds please to it: just to be polite or is it an actual plea?

Nonetheless, after Nino pushes Yura, he instantly takes responsibility for Yura’s death, saying it is his fault and that he can feel his life’s weight. In chapter 161, he says his death would greaten Ai’s significance, so I interpret this as him trying to increase his guilt by being the cause of death and suffering of someone he knows and probably cares about. This guilt would make him feel Ai's presence again as he associates guilt with her. In the anime, he doesn’t say it as mockingly as I thought he would. Maybe it’s even apathetic, it’s quite hard to characterize. It could have also served the purpose to help Ruby get the role for Ai. This could mean that he does care for both Ruby’s career and Ai’s legacy in some way, which contradicts that he doesn’t want anyone to surpass Ai.

Additionally, I still think the person contacting Frill in chapter 113 is Hikaru (we don’t know Frill’s agency). At that point he was the only person associated with alcohol (by drinking with Yura). So, this shows he can influence someone in a certain direction, though we do not know if this was intentional or not. Frill says: “Sometimes when I hear from people like them, I’ll question my own stance.” Through interactions like these, he indirectly motivates Frill to root for Ruby to get the role of Ai, which ties in as a motive to kill Yura.

Hikaru's relationship with Nino & Ryosuke

In chapter 132, Nino says that they won’t forgive anyone who surpasses Ai, even Ruby (Ai’s daughter). It seems that she views Ruby as Ai’s daughter, not Hikaru’s, despite Hikaru referring to Ruby as “our daughter” in the past. It’s implied that Hikaru shares Nino’s view. Yet, in chapter 138, he paradoxically sponsors the movie that condemns him but does not reveal his name in the movie. Does he wish to be condemned, yet not at the same time? I don’t get why he’d risk being outed if he still intends to continue the murders, so nobody can surpass Ai (people will find out it’s him, he says that himself in chapter 147). I think this is a form of self-punishment, which is tied to his guilt and not him wanting nobody to surpass Ai.

Something that’s also still ambiguous is Hikaru’s debt to Kaburagi, who Hikaru calls ill-natured. In chapter 138, he refused permission to use his name, which he contradicts in chapter 147, when talking to Nino. This could be his way to provoke Nino, because he can’t do anything to his daughter himself. In chapter 158, his decision to hand “them” over to the police indirectly hands Nino over to the police, without himself, which I think means he still wants to do something for Ai (I think this is increasing his guilt), which he said in chapter 155.

He considers Ryosuke and Nino sincerely his friends. They approached him first and he was unaware of how their obsession might spiral and vaguely mentions Ai and his relationship with her. Given he knew Ai well, Hikaru likely knew Nino was Ai’s colleague. He also says that he was unsure about seeing Ai twice, which I think is in line with his timid nature we see in the movie. Nino was Ai’s coworker and she had a boyfriend. Maybe he thought he could get back together with Ai because they were together. It would be a nice reason why exactly Ryosuke needs to be Nino’s boyfriend. Nino would be his connection to Ai and seeing that Ryosuke is also together with an idol could give him hope that not all is lost with his relationship with Ai. Also, it’s a reason why Hikaru wouldn’t have assumed that Ryosuke would harm Ai because Nino is also an idol. Ai saying no to him wanting them to be together again would give him a reason to not go see her himself. If Ai saw that Hikaru didn’t bring the flowers himself maybe she would be concerned and reach out again confirming that Ai was serious about it and wanted to see him again and maybe get back together even if she said that she didn’t call for that reason.

He denies that he knew what happened in Miyazaki. But how does he even know Ai was about to give birth at a hospital in Miyazaki, did Ai call him before the call we see? The hospital scene in chapter 160 makes it seem that Ryosuke and Nino were tracking Ai after her disappearance, but Tsukuyomi’s story says Hikaru was there, so it still needs to be confirmed what exactly happened there. With the knowledge we have, I think Gorou’s death was an accident. If all three of them were there, I think it would have affected them greatly, but we don’t really see the aftermath of it in the manga. I think this could also be one of the reasons he stays close to the other two out of guilt of traumatising them with Gorou’s death, even if he didn’t do anything.

Interestingly and quite sad even, Hikaru calls Nino and Ryosuke, Nino-kun and Ryosuke-kun. Nino calls him Kamiki-san, which implies that there is a hierarchical distance for Nino, yet Hikaru considers them friends. This might explain why he feels guilty when their actions lead to tragedy, like Ryosuke’s suicide or for not seeing that his friend would’ve killed Ai. I think that’s also the reason he stays around Nino. However, Nino stays around him to make sure nobody surpasses Ai because she doesn’t have the connections to famous people herself.  Aqua does accuse him of never helping Nino’s mental condition which I think once again is connected to his guilt, where Nino and Hikaru stimulated each other’s guilt complex over Ai’s death and even on a smaller scale over Ryosuke’s death. So, improving each other’s mental condition was never on their minds.

I think this means that he thinks that anyone who gives him the slightest form of affection is his friend. That’s actually really sad. If he considers them his friends, why would he want to break or manipulate them? So, I don’t think he manipulated them intentionally.

Yet, Aqua says that his desire not to hurt anyone is a lie, so like what actually happened regarding Ai’s death is still up in the air. I think it’s possible that Hikaru lied to Aqua. His motivation might be to increase his guilt or to be loved, as chapter 161 implies. But the question remains: what exactly are the lies?

Hikaru’s creepy smile of this chapter only appears after Aqua accuses him of wanting to kill Ruby, which I think means that he feels a negative emotion. We never see him express strong negative emotions as an adult weirdly enough (outside of the underwater scenes) and I think some of his smiles, such as that one, is a repressed form of that.

Following Aqua’s words, it seems that Hikaru has manipulated Ryosuke and Nino. If he was, how much of it was conscious? I can’t imagine that, at the age of 14 up to 19, he’d fully understand the impact of his influence on others and he considers them friends. Why would he intentionally manipulate them? I wouldn’t have mind if it was intentional if it was explored better and not some vague scenes that contradict Hikaru’s previous words. The manga doesn’t give him a motivation for the manipulation nor the killing of Ai. In addition, the focus on Hikaru’s role in the murders risks removing responsibility of Nino and Ryosuke which I think undermines the message of the manga about parasocial relationships, success culture & the problems of the entertainment industry. These things lead to terrible outcomes if unmanaged (terrible outcome: seen with Ai’s death, Hikaru’s sexual assault; situations with a better outcome: Kana’s mother wanting Kana to be popular and leaving her when she isn’t; she has been healing form it, Akane’s cyberbullying; she survives and lives further, Memcho’s age; people still accept her and so on). So, I think it's weird that the manga would suddenly change it's direction from that interpretation. The industry and lack of support system cause terrible outcomes, but the same industry with a good support system can lead to better outcomes. I have been having a hard time coming up with a theme for the manga with the last few chapters, but we'll see what the next two chapters bring.

Thank you for reading!

[0] [1] [intermezzo] [3]

[blueskykitten]

You have given me a fatal flaw Selfish giant star, ruined lives

(ref to 147 too~)

[blueskykitten]

Coming to think of it, Aqua didn't even do justice to HIS OWN MOVIE AND AI EITHER...Ai wanted her truth to be known and for Hikaru to be helped. By doing what he's done, by framing Hikaru to have killed Aqua for having problems with the movie, he tainted the reputation of his own work. People would recognize it was that movie that's brought about such a result. The public's focus would be on Aqua instead of Ai, he ended up making Ai's movie about him. What a way to ruin his mother's wish and legacy. What gets me is how Kamiki came to visit him and praised him about the work, he even displayed consideration by asking Aqua if playing the role was very painful but he did it for his mother and Ruby's sake. He supported it, funded for it, and Aqua had to lie about that in order to kill him?? Hikaru might have done a lot of horrible things but that's not justice either. It's still cruel. I just can't support Aqua on this one, all he brought is pain.. If it were to be some meaning to this, I can understand. But this really upsets me. From what I saw, Kamiki was kind to him and Ruby. Ruby's concert went fine. He didn't attack her, did he?

This isn't for Ruby's sake either. How is she going to live after this? She was just starting to believe she could save herself and everyone and was moving past from her mother's death. Why does Aqua have to give his life? Is it really some kind of tribute? Is Kamiki really the true evil? The embodiment of all the malice and the darkness of the industry and Aqua is being a hero for killing him? I don't see it. i can't agree with this. It doesn't seem right. What exactly did he achieve from having done so? If Hikaru's someone Aqua has to risk everything to take down, then we need to know how he's a threat but he really..seemed kind. And I don't want the guy Ai's risked everything for and deeply cared for be a flat-out monster (which he doesn't seem like being)

With all the songs and the implications.. The only way things do make sense for me would be that Kamiki was really a god who didn't realize he was one and was causing havoc upon his loss of Ai. If that ain't it...I wonder just why else Aqua would have had to do what he's done...

[blueskykitten]

Hikaru was many things: Father, Responsible Worker, Lover (Ai knows that), Husband, CEO of a multi-million dollar company. But above all, he was Ai's true love and father of her children. I know that in another life (if someone had saved him from his cruel fate) There will only be happiness, God fulfills that miracle.🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏⛪⛪⛪⛪⛪⛪

[blueskykitten]

A better end for Oshi no Ko?

Warning: series end spoilers!

[blueskykitten]

**onk spoilers**

where everything is happier