blugerine - Tumblr blog

[blugerine]

the emotional whiplash i get going from my design class to my CS class is insane

haha art kid with paint on their hands but wait that's not paint, that's the blood from their eyes as they've been staring at the same screen for 30+ hours trying to figure out what the fuck went wrong with their program

[blugerine]

good omens fans see something we already knew and be like "oh my god, that's crazy" and it never gets old for us.

like "oh my god, they shelter each other under their wings" and we'll have a fucking day every single time.

[blugerine]

Good Omens is a story about a demon who mends his broken faith, and an angel who questions his own that’s been misplaced. And along the way, they fall in love, because the other has what the other lacks.

[blugerine]

this is fucking beautiful.

Please, let him be soft.  Poem credit: Pencap @pencap

[blugerine]

when lucifer and his followers were falling for 9 days, their skin would regenerate a new layer only to be slowly burned off entirely again afterwards. each burning became a little less painful than the last, and eventually, their angelic bodies managed to build immunity to the hellfire.

so when they finally fell into the lake of lava and laid there, it was better than when they were in the midst of the fall, because now the fire was ever-present and covered up their entire bodies, instead of burning away at it bit by bit.

looking up at the stars for one last time as they let the fire consume them, they thought wryly, maybe it was God's final blessing for them to build tolerance to the hellfire. after all, you can't feel pain anymore when you're feeling it all the time, right?

[blugerine]

Some flashback

[blugerine]

day 345749 of thinking about how crowley has a place to put his glasses in aziraphale’s bookshop because he knows it like the back of his hand and it represents home to him and he’s never had something like it again after heaven and hell both abandoned him.

[blugerine]

“Because, underneath it all, Crowley was an optimist.”

Because yes, Crowley pulled out all the stops, laid himself fucking BARE to get Aziraphale to stay, to runaway with him, to leave everything behind and start anew. And yes, Crowley was the first to go, to not take Aziraphale up on forgiveness, and "leave" the bookshop "for good".

But underneath it all, Crowley is a believer that love will triumph over all that is bad, and if love is Aziraphale, then maybe, just maybe, Aziraphale will come around and realize he's making a big mistake.

So when he leaves the bookshop, he’s still standing outside, by the Bentley and just noticeable enough if you were to take one step out of the bookshop. And he just remains, and waits, and hopes, and hopes, and hopes. And if there's ever an excuse to just have Aziraphale right there by his side again, it's an opportunity an optimist like him could never waste.

…

And then there’s Aziraphale, doing the same damn thing.

He’s an optimist just like Crowley, and he’s a believer that love will prevail above all else and that his love for Crowley will ultimately make Heaven a much better place than it currently is. He wants, needs, to make Heaven in Crowley’s image, because it was wrong of Heaven to cast Crowley out in the first place, wrong for Crowley to have experienced the trauma of the fall at all. And if Crowley is love to Aziraphale, then shouldn’t Heaven reflect exactly that?

So, he too pulls out all the stops to get Crowley to come with him. He tells Crowley that he is necessary to be by Aziraphale’s side, because Crowley would be his best right-hand man, his muse for everything Heaven will henceforth stand for under Aziraphale’s command.

But when Crowley declines and leaves, Aziraphale remains, and waits, and hopes, and hopes, and hopes, that that the day when Heaven’s been made perfect, like a bed for them to lay comfortably in together, he could go back to Earth and change Crowley’s mind. And then maybe, just maybe, the two of them can finally be up in Heaven again, except this time, they can be forever in peace and in love.

[blugerine]

so what are we supposed to do when in season 3, aziraphale and crowley preform another half a miracle together, except this time, they know it’s going to be powerful—because they’re always powerful when they join forces—and they know it’s going to be done for love.

but it’s not for someone else’s love this time… it’s for their love and their love alone.

[blugerine]

is it bad that the moment i write a meta about gay people, my migraine immediately subsides and i feel just a refreshing wave of clarity. my doctor never said anything about taking gay people to feel better, but now i guess i know what to do whenever the next one comes around!

[blugerine]

currently dying of a really bad migraine rn but i’ll try to word this the best way i can. rewatching good omens for the nth time and i just realized the significance of the 25 lazarii miracle that was performed in aziraphale’s shop. aziraphale and crowley agreed beforehand that they would perform half a miracle to hide one another from heaven and hell. crowley would hide aziraphale from heaven and aziraphale would hide crowley from hell. but when they make this miracle happen, it surprisingly (unsurprisingly) creates a very powerful miracle that alerts heaven to gabriel’s whereabouts. so this got me thinking, is the reason why that miracle was so powerful was because aziracrow accidentally made it so to protect the one that they loved? was the reason why it was so powerful was because it was 6000+ years of wanting to see their loved one safe and happy, and when aziraphale said the miracle was done out of “love”, he was absolutely correct? sure, he was lying in the moment to save his and crowley’s skin, but in reality, he’s absolutely nailed the the underlying reason behind it: a strong need to protect another being out of pure love.

edit: and to quote uriel: “and what was this miracle for, aziraphale? something that powerful must have been important.”

YEAH YOU TELL HIM URIEL!!!

[blugerine]

one of the best tumblr metas i have ever fucking read. it’s been zero days since i last thought about this meta. “god was wrong to cast out crowley” still gives me chills every time i think about it.

So, I feel like I’m losing my mind. I keep seeing metas about how Aziraphale wants Crowley to return to Heaven and be an angel again because he wants them to be on the same side/be good/change/etc., etc., etc. but I don’t see that at all. I actually see it as the very opposite.

Aziraphale loves Crowley just as he is. But there’s something more. Something huge.

Aziraphale loves Crowley and because he is an angel who is stuck in seeing things as black and white, he constantly praises Crowley for being nice. For being good. For being kind.

Aziraphale has watched Crowley on and off for 6,000 years. He watched him thwart the plans of Heaven and Hell because it was unjust. He spared the lives of innocents. He did small things that made Aziraphale happy just because (like making Hamlet successful and saving valuable books). And because Aziraphale sees things in black and white, he sees all the things Crowley has done as nice, as good, as kind.

Crowley vehemently attests he’s not nice or good or kind.

He’s not exactly wrong nor is he lying when he says this. When Crowley spares goats during a cruel bet over a righteous man and swallowing laudanum to prevent a suicide, when he prevents Armageddon by working with Aziraphale and stopping the Anti-Christ from being the Anti-Christ, he’s not doing the nice/good/kind thing.

He’s doing the right thing.

Crowley chooses to do the right thing without hesitation. He is better than all of Heaven and Hell who have callous and dispassionate view of all existence because he questions, because he makes choices. Crowley sees the world for all its messiness and he sees himself. He sees a place where he fits in. He sees the blurred edges.

And Aziraphale sees that, even if seeing the blurred edges is hard for him.

But here’s the thing that Aziraphale can’t voice.

It’s the reason why he told Crowley about being allowed to return to Heaven and become an angel again. He doesn’t want Crowley to change. He doesn’t think Crowley is flawed. Or not enough.

It’s something that is so monumental that it cannot be put into words. Because to put it into words would be more than blasphemy. It’s down right unthinkable for anyone in Heaven, Hell, or Earth to say what Aziraphale knows deep in his soul.

God was wrong to cast out Crowley.

Aziraphale believes Crowley can/should return to Heaven because he knows that Crowley should never have fallen in the first place. He wants him to be forgiven because when Crowley fell it was unjust. Aziraphale is trying to correct a mistake. He’s trying to do the right thing.

Yes, Crowley would never accept returning to Heaven. And Aziraphale was wrong to even suggest it (although that conversation is another can of worms to unpack).

Aziraphale loves Crowley. He loves him exactly as he is. He doesn’t want him to change. Aziraphale knows that Crowley the best of all of them. He wants to change Heaven because of it. Because God was wrong and Aziraphale knows it.

Aziraphale may have difficulty seeing beyond black and white, but when it comes to Crowley he sees everything crystal clear and in vivid color.

[blugerine]

I’m just now realizing the geniusness of the dance scene in season 2 and how taking a “comedy” show seriously reveals so many new things about it.

NOTE: I have no idea if Neil Gaiman wrote this scene with the intention of it being interpreted in this way, but I really think it sheds so much light on why Aziraphale and Crowley’s relationship seems like it went nowhere but downhill ever since season 1.

I feel like because New Omens is marketed as a “comedy show”, viewers usually go in with the intention not to take things too seriously (except for the more emotional beats that are signaled by somber music and intense acting *cough cough*), but as a result of that, we (or at least, I did) missed out on seeing some scenes differently because we originally wrote it off as “just a silly bit”. I definitely did that during the scene where Crowley performs the “apology dance” in front of Aziraphale because he left him alone to take care of Gabriel. I kept thinking about that scene over and over again in my head because it always seemed much more intentionally childish to me than any other goofy scene we see the husbands get up to in season 2 and even in season 1, and I just realized now a reason why that might be the case.

When Crowley comes back to the shop and has to apologize to Aziraphale, the first words that come out of his mouth are “I’m back”, and both him and Aziraphale know those words aren’t enough for Aziraphale to take him back, so what’s the next best thing? The apology dance! When Crowley initially resists the idea of performing the apology dance, Aziraphale reminds him that he’s done the apology dance numerous times in the past, listing all the specific years over the centuries to really get his point across until Crowley relents. After Crowley begrudgingly finishes the silly dance, the audience share a good laugh, Aziraphale is content enough to accept him back, and the fight they just had all seems so “stupid” now in comparison to the bigger fish they have to fry.

Now, what’s the problem in this scene? Or rather, why is this scene such a big deal in regards to why they broke up at the end of season 2? That’s because it’s, again, another example of how they always DANCE (quite literally) around the actual problems in their relationship that result in them constantly breaking up. And this has been happening for CENTURIES, time and time again, they always default to pushing their problems under the rug, letting bygones be bygones. They believe they’re forgiving and forgetting, but as Aziraphale keeps recounting all the years he’s done the apology dance, it’s very clear that they’ve actually never forgotten any of those previous instances of frustration and words of venom they’ve hurled at each other. Instead, they’ve opted to pretend they’re over it, onto “bigger and better” things to do as a distraction. The only time they start conveniently bringing up past wounds is when they have YET ANOTHER breakup scene.

The dance is performed so childishly because of the childish way they deal with the problems that arise in their relationship. Despite knowing very intricately about the infinite vastness of the universe, of mankind’s greatest strengths and weaknesses, they were not made to view themselves as having human emotions, and they were not trained to make compromises that did not threaten their very existence. Crowley and Aziraphale both started as angels, and Crowley wanted God to compromise with him about keeping the universe around for more years than She had planned. But God doesn’t take suggestions, so Crowley’s angelic status was quite literally burned from him as he was sent down to Hell, which traumatized him greatly, and made Aziraphale exist in fear of the divine punishment that came to those who disobeyed God.

As such, Aziraphale and Crowley have so little understanding of how to compromise in a healthy manner, because the first time one of them tried to do it, it ended terribly for both of them, and they subconsciously vowed never to do it again. That’s why, when one of them wants to apologize, it’s almost like a child’s idea of what one is. There’s no addressing of why Crowley’s so desperate to abandon everything and run away, or why Aziraphale is so adamant on staying, even when it clearly hurts him to do so. There’s NO reasoning or compromise. There’s NO talk other than “I was wrong, you were right”. It’s either your side or my side, or we never see each other again.

Aziracrow represents a very realistic on-and-off relationship, where two broken and codependent individuals cannot compromise for fear of divine punishment or even just fear of losing the one that means the most to them. And their little dance? It’s just one of the many times they’ve tried to ignore their very real and important relationship (and character) issues, and it just continues to rot away their relationship time and time again. It’s like putting a bandaid over an infection, but they’re both immortal and everything’s working against them to actually work on healing that infection from the inside out.

So yeah, the dance scene is fucking brilliant because no one saw that coming until you actually finish season 2 and think back on it. Again, maybe I’m just being delusional reading into a scene that wasn’t a big deal, but if Neil did write it with this intention, then I think the way he disguises meaningful insights into broken relationships, tortured characters, and religious trauma through the use of comedy to be really. fucking genius.

And really sad.

I think I might cry a bit after this actually.

(Also, hello, I still have no idea how to use tumblr 💀)

Edit: Just made a couple clarifications here and there! Also, thank you so much for all the positive reception 😭!!! Reading all your reblogged tags gives me so much serotonin agsjdgs it feels so nice being in this fandom so far ❤️

[blugerine]

Aziraphale didn’t originally want to go back to Heaven when Metatron told him he could. It was the moment Metatron offered him to have Crowley be his right hand man that got Aziraphale to reconsider again. In my opinion of what happened in that scene following Aziraphale accepting Metatron’s offer, Aziraphale started thinking “What if I could make Heaven more like Our Side?”, and that’s why he was so desperate in trying to get Crowley to come with him. Ironically enough, Aziraphale wanting to go back to Heaven to fix it was out of love for the relationship that he and Crowley have, because “fixing Heaven” means making a better, more peaceful place for the two of them to exist. But to Crowley, he interprets this as Aziraphale choosing his abuser over their love (and he’s not incorrect in that belief but we’ll get to that in a little bit). What Crowley doesn’t notice is that, in a cruel and ironic twist of fate, Aziraphale IS actually choosing their love, but he keeps holding onto the idea of Heaven because it aligns with his innate desire to do good. So in order to mend the two (sort of like cognitive dissonance), he wants to replicate their love on Earth in Heaven in hopes that it will finally bring peace to not only their forbidden relationship, but also to all of Heaven itself.

Aziraphale’s logic makes sense here when you think of it as “hitting two bird with one stone”, but it’s just painful because he doesn’t realize he’s being manipulated by Metatron who gives him the false sense of choice. Metatron and Heaven 100% represent an abuser and an abusive household in my mind, and Aziraphale represents the victim that is torn between the unconditional love and freedom he feels when he’s with Crowley and the heavy burden of guilt he feels running away from a house like Heaven. We all say ‘that’ scene is when Crowley gets rejected by Aziraphale, but in Aziraphale’s mind, it’s him being rejected by Crowley. It’s why Aziraphale says “I forgive you” to Crowley after the kiss, because Aziraphale feels like he’s been wronged when he literally just admitted to Crowley “I’m choosing OUR love to make Heaven a better place, because I believe in the good will of Heaven, and good will is the core of what I am” and got rejected for it.

Both Crowley and Aziraphale are laying themselves the barest they’ve ever been in the series, but in the end, they both reject each other because they both misunderstood the other so. terribly. hard. And that’s why it’s so terribly painful to watch.

The best thing for the both of them to do is to actually have The Talk they’ve been avoiding for so many years, and honestly I don’t blame them, because imagine trying to unravel a millennia of abuse and the subconscious coping mechanisms and behaviorisms that came with it to the one you love the most.

This is my first ever tumblr post btw and I’m very unsure how anything works but please be kind to me, I am just. going through it with them and this show. and needed to post. somewhere. anywhere. shouting this to the void.