blynnisme-blog

[blynnisme-blog]

I wanted so badly for us to work. To wake up to you. To make coffee. Have a cigarette together before the kids woke up.

To just be. We waited so long for this. Hell, I didn't know I was waiting and you showed up when I needed you the most. Just like you, to know when I need you - without me having to say a word.

Now, we have crumbled due to my own stupid hands. I want my hands to pick us back up but there is so much damage. There is so much that I don't know can be repaired.

I know I'm insecure, vain, prideful, wreckless, my depression gets me so far down it practically makes you not be able to stand me. I don't know if I have any good left but if you can find anything good within me worth sticking around, even as a friend, I would always appreciate it. You're a part of my life. My life would be empty without you.

Maybe I am dillusional in saying that I love you, with all I've put you through. Please stay in my life, please dont go. I'll suffer as your friend, its better then the cruel and sick thought of there being no you.