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@bellefamcreole_ 🍫 https://www.instagram.com/darkskin.magic/

[bmagickal]

1 of those bitter bitches

1 year and some change. That’s how long it’s been since my separation and subsequent divorce. A divorce that I fought as hard and long as I could to prevent. I tried the practical, supernatural, and unconventional to uphold those vows. All the while peeling away one layer after another of my mental state and inner joy. See I came into the relationship with a pretty clear understanding of who I am and what I ain’t. I hate folding clothes. I want to open a business. I’ve had a healthy sex life. I couldn’t fry chicken. I wanted to be a wife. Laying out my flaws clearly with bullet points and citations just as any true Virgo would. Often times I could be heard telling my ex to “check my resume” when yet another comment of cheating was made. A lot can be said about Bethany, but cheater is not on the list. I might misappropriate some funds or do some petty passive aggressive shit. But when she’s with you she just is.

But my ex was morbidly jealous and controlling, and yes that was abuse. I did not know it then, because I wasn’t bitter yet. I was caught up in romance. I was bound by not wanting to be the folks who got divorced especially after only 2 years. I was misinformed that because I answered his repetitive and unrelenting questions about where I was, who I was talking to, who was calling to, prove my innocence I taught him how to treat me. No one bothered to hold him accountable for just being a domestic terrorist in our home or with previous companions. I was shrouded by the actions I took to downplay his rants, mood swings, surveillance, and down right stalking in order to keep the peace. So when I tried to lift the veil to get help only a select few believed me (thank you). Even if they saw the tirades. Even if they knew about the lie detector tests and gps tracking. Still people I had called family, fed, healed, supported, and loved looked at me in disdain, and proceeded into protection mode of the abuser. And that hurt. That was the first nudge towards bitterness I received. Instead of allowing that nudge to tumble me towards freedom and self preservation. I pushed back because who wants to be that bitter lonely Black woman?

My mother in all of her bitter wisdom had sewn jewels to my soul years ago. Those “men ain’t shit so always see about yourself and children” rants came flooding back to me when I finally left that night. It was not an exceptionally extreme cheating accusation as far as his went. But I told myself just days prior that if he started up again. I was leaving. And so he did. And so I left. Leaving was easier than I thought it would be. The struggle was staying gone. But once I tell my mom about you ain’t no get backs. Thus unlocking the prison I had been in and freeing it all to her. In a bitter woman bond we picked up my life and started over (she rocks).

I have acquired a bitterness that allows me to see an abuser and abusive behavior with blistering precision. Roaring like a lioness to warn our daughters, sisters, and friends that it ain’t you darling. It’s him. The same stories he tells you of all the women before who did him wrong are not a challenge for you to rectify. Instead it’s a warning to move along and save your own self. Being Bitter Beth has enabled me to bond and hold space with woman, primarily WOC, to get free. To bash, laugh at, and process the trauma of abuse. Bitter cultivated this writing since I first realized that our marriage was unstainable. But the constraints of not wanting to be the bitter Black girl kept me bound much longer than was healthy and necessary.

I should’ve said these words long ago. I could’ve grabbed the powerful vengeance I have sought for so long had I allowed my bitterness to shine bright instead of continuing to protect his image. Acquiescing to not be that couple on social media. I can no longer say he was a good guy except for that one thing. Because good guys don’t torment their mates. Good guys see that unfounded unsubstantiated recriminations time after time means they are the issue. Good guys do the work with their mate. Good guys don’t  blame every woman for the demise of the relationship.

Bitter will tell you to kiss my entire Black ass if you can’t rejoice in the courage and bad assery it took for me to share this. I’m not shrinking any longer. I will take up space. I will call this shit out. 

[bmagickal]

Bet not

[bmagickal]

#Me #Chelley

[bmagickal]

When the Jealous Mate is No Longer Safe

In the early stages of dating we often find jealousy endearing.  Texts like “Where are you?” or “What are you doing?” in their simplest form are just ways to show we are interested in each other’s lives.  And in most cases we eagerly respond with an explanation to keep the conversation going.  But what happens when those same texts are incessant or they graduate to multiple calls?  What happens when they become checks of your cell phones or social media with a fine tooth comb?  What do you do when you become anxious of how your simple actions such as speaking to the opposite sex or your cell phone notifications result in an accusations of cheating?  The extremely simple answer is RUN!  Run when you first feel the grip of possessiveness tighten.  Run when you first feel you are doing more explaining and diffusing than laughing and loving.  But being with a jealous mate, and recognizing the early signs are not so simple. Sometimes they tell you initially that they are jealous.  In casual conversation, on the second date, over wine and oxtails at the soul food restaurant.  They say something like “I’m jealous.  My woman is mine” or “I don’t play about my woman.”  And we laugh and swoon, because let’s be honest everyone wants to be picked above all else.  And if you are a person who does not cheat it comes as a challenge to overcome.  You may even say “Well you will have nothing to be jealous of, because I take relationships seriously.”  You walk to the door at the date’s end, feeling like you’ve found someone who will want you enough to not let someone else step between you two. RUN! Sometimes they keep it hidden under layers of overflowing compliments, constant texts, and wanting to spend as much time with you as possible.  In a time where “ghosting” is a thing.  And “doing me” seems to be everyone’s modus operandi.  The constant contact is well received and appreciated.  But no matter how quickly you reply it’s never quick enough.  Even when you spend all of your free time with them.  Your occupied time now becomes open to also be monopolized.  And the compliments start to take on a tone of obsession and possession. RUN! Because the honest truth in the majority of cases of jealousy is that it does not get better.  Proving that their jealousy is unwarranted often times is a losing battle.  You were a cheater before you ever swiped right or walked through that movie theater door.  You were condemned of a crime you never committed, and you will exhaust yourself trying to plead your case.  Everything you do will be evidence of your guilt. • Who calls/texts you • What you wear • Who likes/comments on your status • How you smile at the cashier • If you have previous children, how you interact with the other parent • Even how you deal with family members of the opposite sex It’s them! It’s their issue.  And it’s often reinforced by the current societal tone of the “psycho boyfriend/girlfriend.”  Due to this sentiment, jealousy is laughed at, encouraged, and memed.  We hear things like “I wish my man loved me that much.”  This trivializes the dangers of jealousy, and isolates the victim.  They feel they should be grateful for the attention or that no one will believe and understand.  Most times no one believes the victim. So they stay due to lack of support.  They stay because they are hopeful the next time their phone is checked, and nothing is found.  The light bulb will finally go off. RUN! The control and emotional abuse that rarely begins when you first roll the dice.  It creeps in with always wanting to drive you to run your errands.  Making nights out on the town into fights about you needing attention from others. And being critical of the very attire that caught their eye in the beginning.  So you relinquish some control, because you like them and want it to work.  The other qualities they exhibit are amazing so there must be a way to overcome it.  Plus you have nothing to hide.  You never have.  You are transparent and genuine.  You just want to love them and for them to love you back. RUN! You can’t fix their issues.  The painful emotional abuse you will suffer will be yours to endure once the relationship ends.  You will be left wondering what else you could’ve done to show them you were faithful.  You will be left with the desire to over explain about everything to everyone.  You will wonder why you, and how you missed the signs.  You will replay every accusation.  The stories of their relationships that they painted all of the exs as also cheaters.  You will understand that more than likely they too had been subject to the same jealousy.  You will want to warn the future mates, and feel guilty that it’s not “your place.”  And you will feel the desire that most people will accept their version of you, and never ask the simple question “but did you ever find anything?”  You will pick yourself apart in search of justification as to why you were never worthy of their trust. Maybe you are a slut, cheater, dog, unable to be faithful.  Maybe being an adult with a healthy sexual past means you can’t ever be in a monogamous relationship.  Maybe your woman friends are too close.  After all, there had to have been a reason as to why they thought and said those awful things to you.  You will hope for vindication from the unfounded and undeserving assaults on your character.  You will want to understand their motives.  But you will be incapable since you rationally took them at their word, and allowed their actions as validation for who they said they were.  You will beat yourself up for staying, because this is in direct opposition to your normal self-preserving behavior.  And you will ache with the pain of being discarded with your loyalty intact.   So RUN! Run when jealousy is plainly offered as the main course or garnished like an olive in a matinee.  Jealousy is dangerous to your physical, mental, and spiritual well-being.  Don’t consume it as control, isolation, and emotional abuse are the weight you will be left to burn off.

Bethany Nelson

[bmagickal]

I can agree. Mental illness in the black community gets overlooked and swept under the rug. And because of that we tend to self medicate and find other ways to cope. Drug abuse, alcoholism; mentally or physically abusing others are just some of the ways some black people cope. It becomes generational cycle/curse. When it comes to children and teens, black parents don’t understand and they don’t know how to help. They feel as though we are immune to mental disorders, which is not true. There are many kids growing up around the country, from wealthy families to broken and impoverished homes with depression and other mental illnesses. Mental illness does not discriminate, it can effect any and everyone.

[bmagickal]

you don’t stop loving someone just because you don’t talk to each other anymore. you don’t start hating someone just because things got tough or wasn’t all sunshine and butterflies the whole time. sometimes things work out, sometimes they don’t, sometimes shit just happens, and that’s okay. love is really, fucking complicated guys. but go with it when you find it anyways. you might get lucky or you might not, but either way you can say you tried and learned. and that’s important too.

trying to learn from what happened (6/21/17), thekaijusleeps (via thekaijusleeps)

[bmagickal]

[bmagickal]

Some relationships are meant to heal you, some are meant to teach you how to build yourself up and some are meant to show you how to trust your own intuition

Sophia Bush (via saltedpretzel)

[bmagickal]

When the Jealous Mate is No Longer Safe

In the early stages of dating we often find jealousy endearing.  Texts like “Where are you?” or “What are you doing?” in their simplest form are just ways to show we are interested in each other’s lives.  And in most cases we eagerly respond with an explanation to keep the conversation going.  But what happens when those same texts are incessant or they graduate to multiple calls?  What happens when they become checks of your cell phones or social media with a fine tooth comb?  What do you do when you become anxious of how your simple actions such as speaking to the opposite sex or your cell phone notifications result in an accusations of cheating?  The extremely simple answer is RUN!  Run when you first feel the grip of possessiveness tighten.  Run when you first feel you are doing more explaining and diffusing than laughing and loving.  But being with a jealous mate, and recognizing the early signs are not so simple. Sometimes they tell you initially that they are jealous.  In casual conversation, on the second date, over wine and oxtails at the soul food restaurant.  They say something like “I’m jealous.  My woman is mine” or “I don’t play about my woman.”  And we laugh and swoon, because let’s be honest everyone wants to be picked above all else.  And if you are a person who does not cheat it comes as a challenge to overcome.  You may even say “Well you will have nothing to be jealous of, because I take relationships seriously.”  You walk to the door at the date’s end, feeling like you’ve found someone who will want you enough to not let someone else step between you two. RUN! Sometimes they keep it hidden under layers of overflowing compliments, constant texts, and wanting to spend as much time with you as possible.  In a time where “ghosting” is a thing.  And “doing me” seems to be everyone’s modus operandi.  The constant contact is well received and appreciated.  But no matter how quickly you reply it’s never quick enough.  Even when you spend all of your free time with them.  Your occupied time now becomes open to also be monopolized.  And the compliments start to take on a tone of obsession and possession. RUN! Because the honest truth in the majority of cases of jealousy is that it does not get better.  Proving that their jealousy is unwarranted often times is a losing battle.  You were a cheater before you ever swiped right or walked through that movie theater door.  You were condemned of a crime you never committed, and you will exhaust yourself trying to plead your case.  Everything you do will be evidence of your guilt. • Who calls/texts you • What you wear • Who likes/comments on your status • How you smile at the cashier • If you have previous children, how you interact with the other parent • Even how you deal with family members of the opposite sex It’s them! It’s their issue.  And it’s often reinforced by the current societal tone of the “psycho boyfriend/girlfriend.”  Due to this sentiment, jealousy is laughed at, encouraged, and memed.  We hear things like “I wish my man loved me that much.”  This trivializes the dangers of jealousy, and isolates the victim.  They feel they should be grateful for the attention or that no one will believe and understand.  Most times no one believes the victim. So they stay due to lack of support.  They stay because they are hopeful the next time their phone is checked, and nothing is found.  The light bulb will finally go off. RUN! The control and emotional abuse that rarely begins when you first roll the dice.  It creeps in with always wanting to drive you to run your errands.  Making nights out on the town into fights about you needing attention from others. And being critical of the very attire that caught their eye in the beginning.  So you relinquish some control, because you like them and want it to work.  The other qualities they exhibit are amazing so there must be a way to overcome it.  Plus you have nothing to hide.  You never have.  You are transparent and genuine.  You just want to love them and for them to love you back. RUN! You can’t fix their issues.  The painful emotional abuse you will suffer will be yours to endure once the relationship ends.  You will be left wondering what else you could’ve done to show them you were faithful.  You will be left with the desire to over explain about everything to everyone.  You will wonder why you, and how you missed the signs.  You will replay every accusation.  The stories of their relationships that they painted all of the exs as also cheaters.  You will understand that more than likely they too had been subject to the same jealousy.  You will want to warn the future mates, and feel guilty that it’s not “your place.”  And you will feel the desire that most people will accept their version of you, and never ask the simple question “but did you ever find anything?”  You will pick yourself apart in search of justification as to why you were never worthy of their trust. Maybe you are a slut, cheater, dog, unable to be faithful.  Maybe being an adult with a healthy sexual past means you can’t ever be in a monogamous relationship.  Maybe your woman friends are too close.  After all, there had to have been a reason as to why they thought and said those awful things to you.  You will hope for vindication from the unfounded and undeserving assaults on your character.  You will want to understand their motives.  But you will be incapable since you rationally took them at their word, and allowed their actions as validation for who they said they were.  You will beat yourself up for staying, because this is in direct opposition to your normal self-preserving behavior.  And you will ache with the pain of being discarded with your loyalty intact.   So RUN! Run when jealousy is plainly offered as the main course or garnished like an olive in a matinee.  Jealousy is dangerous to your physical, mental, and spiritual well-being.  Don’t consume it as control, isolation, and emotional abuse are the weight you will be left to burn off.

Bethany Nelson

[bmagickal]

Edward Colonna, Buckle, 1900. Sculpted gold set with opal, pearls, garnets. France, Made for Siegfried “Samuel” Bing’s display at the 1900 Paris World’s Fair. Via Cooper Hewitt

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BmagickalVintage

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Beautiful

I will not always be this person. I will not always love him, and I will not always like him, and at some point I won’t want to be around him all the time. I will get angry at him, I will get angry at myself. We will

become new people on new days and in new months new things will happen. I will...

[bmagickal]

[bmagickal]

Couldn’t find a sheer shirtdress like in the pic but I paired a sheer button up w a leather paneled skirt. Made the bow tie & added sm utility styled booties!

[bmagickal]

I put my hand in this pic bc date night turned into ” I got engaged night” so surprised!