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שנה טובה! 🍎🍯

Wishing all my Jewish followers a happy, healthy, and sweet new year this Rosh Hashanah! 💛

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26-year-old Jamarion Robinson’s grandmother Beverly Nixon said her grandson was bipolar and schizophrenic. Still got shot 76 (!!!) times. Would a white person get the same treatment?

The witness said he saw more than a dozen patrol cars at the complex where US Marshals killed Robinson on August 5, 2016. Why were there no behavioral specialist? Surely one of them would know how to interact with a bipolar schizophrenic better than the police.

I’m absolutely disgusted.

Here’s Jamarion’s mother’s GoFundMe in case anyone is willing to help.

#JusticeForJamarion   #BlackLivesMatter

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Scrapbook : August 17th, 2020

Scrapbook

August 2020

Monday 17th

Rainy clouds and rainy days are sometimes not always so enjoyable. Today, my rainy day involved the one and only, insecurity. 

I’ve always been pretty insecure about myself, I could name a few typical insecurities that anyone could list about themselves or that anyone has heard plenty times before. 

What kind of hurts the most and I know that there’s someone reading this who could read this and just relate and that...that kinda hurts more. Like, when you put it into perspective, you think these insecurities hurt you and then your mind wanders off about how many other men and women, who also suffers from that insecurity. And it almost hurts more.

Growing I've always been bullied and shamed for being a bigger girl, or for not speaking English correctly because it wasn’t my first language. Or for being a completely different skin color, or having a different hair texture than other girls. 

And it only solidified itself when going out and about, maybe the grocery store, or at the nail salon, the hair salon, the waiting room of the doctor’s office. There were magazines with these beautiful slim, tall, blonde and blue-eyed woman or even brown hair and brown-eyed woman. And I thought they were always beautiful, don’t get me wrong I still think they are and I respect those women a lot. 

But it always made me feel more insecure about myself because I never saw one woman on the cover of a magazine, growing up, that never resembled me. There were no thicker women, there were no women of color of the covers of the magazines, and there were no women who showed imperfections. Like acne. 

It was then, from a young age that I became familiar with the ideal of “One size fits all” and that only a select few of woman could be the “ideal” beauty standard. And of course that was

- Skinny or slim

- Blonde or brown hair

- Blue eyes or brown

- No acne

- No freckles

- No wide hips

- No hip dips

- Small waists

The list just got bigger and longer as time went on, it soon became and internalized hate for just the simple pure existence of myself. I hated myself. 

I didn’t want to be me anymore. 

As time progressed much of this was in simple terms, challenged. And soon thicker, plus-sized woman were able to become models and be on the front cover of magazines. 

Again, don’t get me wrong I am very, very happy about seeing those women on the cover of magazines but it just seems that after so long. It just doesn’t feel right. 

I’ve always been a bigger girl, and thicker girl and all of sudden it becomes something the majority is into. It’s become a trend. And I don’t know how to feel, because all my life I've been silenced and judged for something that now everyone wants to be. 

- Thick

- Colored skin (through tanning or other means)

Some how now after years of internalized hate and judgement from my peers I’m all of sudden supposed to wake up and feel so great about myself and show what I was gifted with and be confident. But I can’t because, you were also the same people who judged me, silenced me, made me cry for hours in my bed into my pillow because I was choking on my silent screams of hatred.

So when you see me, don’t ask me to smile. Don’t ask me why I am not confident in myself. Don’t say to me “I wish I looked like you”. 

Don’t

I am still yet to learn how to truly 100% love myself and be confident in what  I was gifted with. And you should too, boy, girl, man or woman. Learn how to love yourself because you are a beauty standard, somewhere out there there is a young girl or boy, or even the 20 some college student you passed by at the grocery store the other day consciously or unconsciously felt some type of happiness to see that there is someone else that looked how they did.

2020 and beyond are times of various beauty standards. We are the beauty standard. 

- Mishi 

XOXO

4:40 PM 

Dorm

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The diary taught me that it is in the moments of emotional crisis that human beings reveal themselves most accurately. I learned to choose the heightened moments because they are the moments of revelation. It is the moment when the real self rises to the surface, shatters its false roles, erupts and assumes reality and identity. The fiery moments of passionate experience are the moments of wholeness and totality of the personality.

Anaïs Nin, On Writing (1947)

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Somewhere on Earth there is one dead person buried deeper than any other dead person.

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A Mockingbirds Music

  Today I found myself thinking about the classic literature book, “How To Kill A Mockingbird” and I was thinking about Miss Maudie and what she had said. Miss Maudie throughout the whole book had a lot very insightful things to say and one of which was; 

      “Mockingbirds don’t do one thing but make music for us to enjoy. They don’t eat up people’s gardens, don’t nest in corn cribs, they don’t do one thing but sing their hearts out for us. That’s why it’s a sin to kill a mockingbird.” 

  As I thought and read over that sentence over and over again the words enlightening me in a way that most would not understand. It made me think how one thing, whether it be an experience, an object, a person, can do so little for us and yet carry such heavy meaning. It’s like the time, maybe you were coming out of the grocery store and you were struggling to carry your bags back to your car and that kind man helped you. Or the time when you were going into a company for an interview and the kind receptionist lady told you, you had some lipstick on your teeth. 

  One small thing could carry over such meaning and make us stop to think that maybe just maybe, there’s still some things that life can present us with to make it just a little more enjoyable. I honestly don’t know if my thought process is going to make sense to anyone, but I hope that maybe someone out there is able too or maybe you are able to try and put it into my perspective as best as you can. 

  I just found it so compelling that Miss Maudie, had stated so passionately that mockingbirds were these beautiful, amazing creatures, and majority of the time all they do is sing. And even though, majority of the time, that’s all they did she took time throughout her life and in that moment to appreciate them, for just one small thing. 

  So, with that said. Go tell someone you know that you appreciate them for their cooking skills, their art skills, maybe their good at hair or makeup. Tell them that you appreciate that. Go help someone with something, even though you might feel nervous and you might have to build up the courage, just do it. 

Stay safe, keep it classy and as always, make good choices. 

Mish