bobbyblackwriting-blog - Tumblr blog

[bobbyblackwriting-blog]

Dominick (not really about Dominick). Written 23 February 2015

Every new boy is a prospect, an opportunity to infatuate and to project - a view illusory, that I deserve someone to want me For more than one night, one encounter. Given that I hate myself, Unsurprisingly, it always flounders You are beautiful, kind, cool. All the specific makings of someone I could devote to A wealth of unhealthy adoration. But once was enough, you shrank away Regretting me? Perhaps. A second chance I never had. Leave me wondering, painstaking Did I take advantage when we met? No. Resolve to feel unashamed - relapse. Too good for me, undoubtedly Latest in a list of pairs of lips I didn't want to lose. The ones I like never like me back, the ones who do, I only use to fulfil a fucked up need I have, you lack. To feel less disposable and less ugly Like I have some worth. Less like me.

[bobbyblackwriting-blog]

Untitled written 27 January 2015

"Do not - " Narrow the lids, see in suspended animation, pressure the eyeballs with an intensity of vibration: manic sight " - Fucking - " Peel back top lip, canine overbite " - Touch me - " Force nostrils to flare. Side step, maintain venom, hold stare, down, quickly up, final blast of snarl. Do not ease. "Cretin." Silence. Shock. I will walk on these streets. Stepping - Step - "FAGGOT" Burn in the cheeks and tremble in every knuckle, needle, pin. Struggle in every iota of rationality to not let shame spill adhesive, irrepressible tarnish, dye on skin. Trip on the unravelling thread of clothes you chose, this visual identity you gave no second thought to while assembling daily confidence in your own full view. "YEAH, WALK ON YA QUEER" Vain lie: this is anger, only anger, not fear Despise yourself despite what you know, what you stand for, progress made and demons slain. Regret yourself. Quicken pace? Or tense the senses? Waters tested, now flood warning. Look back or you're a coward. We depend on me Whose 'Pride' deserves defending Weigh costs against reward Ignorance is free. The heavy sum, the burden: Consider what it is to move privileged Though here a second class citizen, yes still, When further-flung are those men flung from a high ledge, For the same crime I commit, and tell you I always will. How dare I, How dare I walk on, and allow - How dare I speak fighting words - How dare I encourage the vow - How dare I espouse convictions so staunch - and blanch. And speechless. And cower. If I can't turn to take the punch Push me off this ivory tower.