bombshelljuliette

[bombshelljuliette]

Its like The Devil rolled the dice when my conception was guaranteed, cursed at birth, sometimes I scream "why me?" It's like my destiny is filled with a infinite bad hand of cards no matter how many times that new hand is delt. Abandoned by my creators, hated by my blood, I walked alone with my head held high acting like I'm okay I'm alright, just so they don't see cry. Stumbling through life with no one to protect me, even as a little girl I learned to survive because I realized no one cared enough to defend me. Years pass, I'm older now, broken like a glass vase hitting pavement but never showed it to the world cause I learned the world is ugly, human beings are full of hatred also learned your past, weaknesses, trauma, and something making your brain ill will make you the scapegoat, the door mat, the laughingstock, and even one of the undesirables. So you're careful not to expose who you are , act as normal as you can cause I gotta fit in

Then that's when the abuse starts, that's when that little bitty dimmer of hope in your soul went out cause I lost my ways cause loving a psychopath made me count my days. Begging the god I don't believe please let me go I said "I'm tired of this pain it ain't gone away it's not gunna get better, I just wanna part ways from this earth, this existence, this life of mine that is an enternal hell. Please hear my crys , hear my pain, please just let me go I want it to go away. You got your wish you could see it all , even that heart monitor that won't stop beeping. Then I hear a man saying I'm gunna wake up and he ain't done with me yet. Gasping air, tears of joy fell down my cheeks I finally knew what I was for. But that same bad hand kept coming back , the only difference.. that spark was lit again.

Something I wrote from my experience of life from birth to highschool

[bombshelljuliette]

This is your sign.

Even though it may be the toughest thing you do.. wipe those tears/motivate your weary and hectic mind from whatever thoughts are weighing you down in any amount of weight, use however amount of energy you have left and put your big boy pants on, look yourself in the mirror and yell at yourself "YOU GOT THIS. WE CAN F*****G DO THIS, I WILL AND WONT STOP TILL I OVERCOME"

I hope this helps whoever needed this.

Again this is a sign. Give up. Get past the storm into the call. You CAN do this. And you won't lose to your own mind. You're more powerful than an illness to an organ.

❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

[bombshelljuliette]

Surviver - Juliette Bryant

5-1-21 5:49PM

Messy. Everything seems to always be some sort of mess. Chaos seems like my best friend, along with despair. I ask the same old question, "why me?" , "Why do I have to deal with this brain, this surroundings/live like this?"

But it always seems just as I am slipping through the cracks, beyond repair or recognition, crumbling like sand falling out of a small babe's hand.. I prosper. I soar through the small and seemingly almost impossible small cracks and see the light, see the small and not very bright glimmer of hope. And I keep on. Even though biologically, and scientifically my own powerhouse of my body, my brain doesn't want me to soar, and wants me to slip to non existence, that little glimmer of hope always gleams even dimly enough for me to sluggishly prevail. I will survive. And I refuse to let my own Ill Mind win and take my existence with it... I'll always keep telling myself even with what it seems like every thing, and my own organ that is the mastermind of the magnificent and mysterious thing that makes me who I am, with all it's entirety and forceful ways to end my soul and whole celestial being in this universe, I will shout to the world, I will shout to my chaotic, twisted, and sick brain.... I am a survivor. And you attempting to kick my still flaming and extravagant inner self and soul won't work.

I refuse to be a statistic. Instead..... I'll use what I deal with to create a new statistic.. to better the world for people who are like me. Maybe my seemingly everlasting hope is why even when it feels like I can't , I will never lose.

I'm a survivor.

[bombshelljuliette]

Surviver - Juliette Bryant

5-1-21 5:49PM

Messy. Everything seems to always be some sort of mess. Chaos seems like my best friend, along with despair. I ask the same old question, "why me?" , "Why do I have to deal with this brain, this surroundings/live like this?"

But it always seems just as I am slipping through the cracks, beyond repair or recognition, crumbling like sand falling out of a small babe's hand.. I prosper. I soar through the small and seemingly almost impossible small cracks and see the light, see the small and not very bright glimmer of hope. And I keep on. Even though biologically, and scientifically my own powerhouse of my body, my brain doesn't want me to soar, and wants me to slip to non existence, that little glimmer of hope always gleams even dimly enough for me to sluggishly prevail. I will survive. And I refuse to let my own Ill Mind win and take my existence with it... I'll always keep telling myself even with what it seems like every thing, and my own organ that is the mastermind of the magnificent and mysterious thing that makes me who I am, with all it's entirety and forceful ways to end my soul and whole celestial being in this universe, I will shout to the world, I will shout to my chaotic, twisted, and sick brain.... I am a survivor. And you attempting to kick my still flaming and extravagant inner self and soul won't work.

I refuse to be a statistic. Instead..... I'll use what I deal with to create a new statistic.. to better the world for people who are like me. Maybe my seemingly everlasting hope is why even when it feels like I can't , I will never lose.

I'm a survivor.

[bombshelljuliette]

"Personal thought.

Us; the so called "mentality ill";

We may be damaged, chemically imbalanced, traumaticly effected, Etc.

We feel, because we know life too hard, we think life too hard, we have experienced life too hard, all of it too hard.

So we feel emotions too hard, we understand the world too hard, we know reality too hard, we know love, hate, happiness, sadness, grief, happiness, fear, fearlessness, pride, guilt, homeliness, loneliness. We understand more the good from the bad,

Because look at us all come together to support each other, not be those internet keyboard warriors who bring other people down , we build each other up.

So if we are more, are we perhaps evolutionarily more evolved?

Because I feel we are definitely good people. Hard. Xx"

- Jacqueline MaGee

#EndTheStigmaForBorderlinePersonalityPatients

#borderlinepersonalitydisorder

#bpdawareness

#bpdwarrior

[bombshelljuliette]

Everyone that reads this needs to recite this to themselves until they believe it.

Your progress, is your progress. No matter how slow or fast your journey is, all that matters is you try. Even if it's barely anything, and basically nothing to most people..

But please on that note also remember that any effort small or big is a huge milestone and you should be proud. (That includes eating, bathing, doing the dishes, washing your clothes, just anything no matter how big or small... Its an accomplishment. And you're a badass for doing it.)

[bombshelljuliette]

"Rough mental health day today.

It's just a bad day, it's not a bad life...

It's just a bad day, it's not a bad life...

It's just a bad day, it's not a bad life...

I'll be saying that repeatedly in my brain until I can make myself stop crying and start handling shit.

Anyway, this is just a reminder that life isn't picture perfect like you usually see online.

It's okay to be not okay sometimes.

Much love 💕"

-Darien Alexandria

She's right about every word that was typed in this paragraph.

Stay strong. And never stop believing in hopes and dreams. You will get your happy ending too. Just every one gets them at different times. You got this. ❤️

[bombshelljuliette]

#BorderlinePersonalityAwarenessAndKnowledge

#PTSDAwarenessAndKnowledge

[bombshelljuliette]

Hello everyone who likes my page.. I don't normally listen to this artist but I've really felt on a personal level that hits my soul to every lyric of this song. Like I feel every word, and every sentence because of how much I relate to these lyrics.

What are some songs you can comment for others to look up; including me; and we can help support other sufferers through music since it's such an effective and positive way to cope and deal with things and emotions. I hope y'all give this song a listen and it hits home for y'all like it did me, and made me feel less crazy..

I hope y'all have a good day, and night and happy 420 to those who partake.

Be the one who brings the sunshine , even if you get nothing from it. It could help someone.

❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

"There's a monster under my bed, and at my window there's a dragon.. I accepted the challenge, it turned me into a savage. I broke a promise to myself again.. I don't know why I am so vulnerable. They try to help but I won't let them in.. I guess rock bottoms where I'm comfortable. Both my feet planted when most people would've panicked, I embraced the storm, I found beauty in what was damaged. I'm not afraid of the Boogieman... Instead I look at him like he's a friend.

There's not a monster out there in the world that's scarier than the one that's within.. There's a creature in my closet, I can hear him rumblin' round. The demons screaming in the distance create such a humbling sound. The monster that's outside my window, he's like family to me now.. The things that people are afraid of never let me down."

"Creature" - Jelly Roll FT. Tech N9ne & Krizz Krillo

(Also check out the acoustic song by Jelly Roll called "Save me")

[bombshelljuliette]

Cry

Sorrow

Enraged

Gleeful

Smiling

.........

All of these and so much more crammed into a whole day. Matter of fact all of this intensity and uncertainty on what you'll be like today crammed into an hour.

Its hell, it's exhausting, it's bothersome.

Please someone hear our cries, our pleas for anyone out there who will be of any support.

The questions.. the why me? The questioning our creators. I mean what kind of higher power or deity would curse us to roam around this planet, trying to fix what cannot be fully fixed. Then the realization hits from memory.. scientists and psychiatrists don't know enough about the organ in our heads that won't produce the right levels of chemicals, or even produce the "right" ones to make us close to what scientists/psychiatrists call "a normal and chemically balanced brain"

Maybe one day. Cause I'm sure everyone reading this is tired of the damaging medications they do have for us that barely work.

#MentalHealthAwareness

Let's research the brain more. Let's figure out through trial and error what's the best way to either cope 10x better than the meds we have now, and the therapy we have now.... And let's figure out our most important organ and realize it's sick.. (just like when any other organ gets sick.)

Let's find the better path for mental health patients. And hopefully one day the surgery that cures the future mental health patients.

#BipolarDisorder

[bombshelljuliette]

This is a poem from - Sar Lopez

Anxiety is not Stress

Anxiety is not stress.

Anxiety is not some umbrella term you can use to describe how you feel when your favorite character in a book is in an intense battle unless you can somehow feel how fast their heart is beating until you can feel how hot their blood is until you can feel what it’s like to be that character in that situation the weight of the world on your shoulders

Anxiety is not finding lighting candles to be the only solution, candles are another problem. Another long paragraph to your list of “Things That Can Easily **** Me” example: “I didn’t leave any matches out, did I? I blew out the candle right? I need to check. Do I smell burning?? PUT THE CAP WHEN IT’S DONE! Will set off my fire alarm? Does my fire alarm work? Where’s my fire alarm??? Where’s somewhere I can put it so it doesn’t hurt me. THIS IS OK THIS IS NORMAL THIS IS RELAXATION.”

Anxiety is not stress.

Anxiety is horrible flashing images, constant reminders, the most negative form of “what if” imaginable.

Anxiety is wasting all your time thinking about an 8 page paper due for class in a week but instead of bringing yourself to writing it you are sobbing on the floor thinking of how bad for your grade this will be.

Anxiety is having a crush on a girl and trying out makeup for the first time.

Anxiety is having a crush on a guy and wondering if your sense of humor is funny enough.

Anxiety is not stress.

Anxiety is downloading an app that checks on your health and leaves you wondering how long this has been going on for.

Anxiety is wondering how to fix your eating disorder instead of actually fixing it

Anxiety is outing yourself to fit in

Anxiety is always wearing pants because you’re too afraid of your own scars

Anxiety is staying up countless nights crying crying crying you cannot yell your thoughts are no longer your own

Anxiety is writing a list of pros and cons to killing yourself

Anxiety is lighting a candle so you can slowly burn the list because

Anxiety is telling you if someone finds out, you will die.

Anxiety is not stress.

Anxiety is having making a friend and losing them in less than a year

Anxiety is wondering if all this help is helping or do I need to help myself

Anxiety is your friends questioning you non-stop are they really questioning you or do you question yourself?

Anxiety is memorizing the suicide prevention hotline

Anxiety is beating yourself up countless times “How could you forget something as simple as a Birthday?!”

Anxiety is “I only have three friends and one hates me, one I’m trying not to lose, and the other I love too much to tell the truth”

Anxiety is “It’s only a matter of time before we all die!”

Anxiety is “Congratulations! Two of your friends have died this year alone! One ******* hates you! Oh! HAHA! Wait! They all ******* hate you!”

Anxiety can turn you from “Wow. I look kinda good today.” to ”DYSPHORIA! DYSPHORIA! DYSPHORIA!”

JUST ******* KIDDING!

ANXIETY IS STRESS!

AND MUCH

MUCH

MORE!!!!!!!!

kmn **** I'm so tired and sad lol but hey anxiety

#anxiety #fr

[bombshelljuliette]

Here is an original by me, Juliette Bryant

"Intense"

Intense. Everything.

Every thing involving my reflected behaviors are different. Its more.

When I love it's more blissful, more serene then the supposed talked about Nirvana..

When I'm enraged, or distraught it feels more cold than the actual heart and soul of Hades.

Such a blessing in someways, but mainly a curse.

Intense.

That's all I know.

-an original by me, Juliette Bryant

[bombshelljuliette]

Here is an original by me, Juliette Bryant

"Intense"

Intense. Everything.

Every thing involving my reflected behaviors are different. Its more.

When I love it's more blissful, more serene then the supposed talked about Nirvana..

When I'm enraged, or distraught it feels more cold than the actual heart and soul of Hades.

Such a blessing in someways, but mainly a curse.

Intense.

That's all I know.

-an original by me, Juliette Bryant

[bombshelljuliette]

"Once in a while joy throws little stones at my window it wants to let me know that it's waiting for me but today I'm calm I'd almost say even-tempered I'm going to keep anxiety locked up and then lie flat on my back which is an elegant and comfortable position for receiving and believing news who knows where I'll be next or when my story will be taken into account who knows what advice I still might come up with and what easy way out I'll take not to follow it don't worry, I won't gamble with an eviction I won't tattoo remembering with forgetting there are many things left to say and suppress and many grapes left to fill our mouths don't worry, I'm convinced joy doesn't need to throw any more little stones I'm coming I'm coming."

-Mario Bendetti

And Shawn Cross is the artist of these images (my illnesses) and has a whole album from 2018 of more mental illnesses he has depicted from his own eyes into his artwork.

He has a page you can follow on fb with the whole 2018 Inktober illustrations he did. Like I literally feel these drawings. I wonder if others who suffer feel the same?

[bombshelljuliette]

[bombshelljuliette]

Hey, are you about to ask someone who's survived an abusive relationship, "Well, why'd you stay?"

Try this instead: "I'm so sorry someone took advantage of how much you loved them."

It's embarrassing that we are quicker to judge someone for loving people than hurting people.

[bombshelljuliette]

STOP telling people that they have to deal with toxic behaviors because '' That's your family "

FUCK THAT !!

I have been treated better by STRANGERS than some of my family treats me

Family or not if you wrong me or treat me like shit FUCK YOU

I have no problem cutting my own BLOOD off I do better without the bullshit in my life anyways .

Your mental and emotional safety and health are what's important. Your mind and spirit shouldn't be tainted by any type of toxicity!! Even if it's blood family! Look out for you!