boneydreams - Tumblr blog

[boneydreams]

I'm definitly faking my eating-disorder, I think ppl with a real eating-disorder can't eat that much, they don't even want to :/ Soo whatever I'm back on my bullshit

[boneydreams]

I ate a whole week like a normal human being and I'm soooo FUCKING disappointed, bc I gained the 4 kgs I lost. The rest of the week I'll starve & when I'd like to eat I'll drink a lil bit of apple cider vinegar. I'm back on my Bullshit cuz the only way to happiness is to be skinneeey, at least for me :)

[boneydreams]

NEW TIPS TO AVOID BINGING:

Drink loooots of water at once

Just watch a Horror/Thriller movie (American Horror Story -> Netflix)

Sing or dance if u'd like to

I'm editing this post if I got some more :)

[boneydreams]

I can't describe it I WANT TO BINGE SO BAD BUT I DON'T WANT TO BINGE. I want to take the whole three packages full of food just to feel the whole food in my mouth when I eat it up ALL TOGETHER IT'S SO FREAKIN WEIRD I HATE IT MAKE IT STOP OMG

[boneydreams]

Yesterday I ate like 680 cals.. I'm going on with this 3 days in a row now and NOTHING changed in three days.. That's the signal for fasting one - two days, it's hella frustrating but I want those 77 lbs so bad :/ I felt so disgusted after eating yersterday and I wanted to throw up, but that's also disgusting to me so yeah welcome to my new fast I guess.

[boneydreams]

In like 30 mins I'm gonna eat sth at my grandma's and it's juuust kinda scary, idk why.. But I have to eat sth so ok :/ Here's some Thinspo, not mine but real goals :)

[boneydreams]

Didn't eat anything in like 24 hrs and my stomach hurts a lil bit, but it's okay, bc there r only 3 1/2 hrs left, then I'm finally able to eat again lol

[boneydreams]

[boneydreams]

Okay let me tell you something. I'm starving myself for 2 weeks now (to be honest I do that for like 2 years now, but not constantly.. I'm in an really unhealthy relationship with food okk)

(restricting, fasting, purging..)

Which means I'm tired and cold all the time and I almost fall asleep in class everyday. Soo of course my friends are noticing aaaand some of them are like „yeah then you'll have to work more at daytime so you're able to sleep in the nighttime.“

And I'm just thinking like „DUDE I'M STARVING, ISOLATE AND STRESS MYSELF JUST BECAUSE OF THE FUCKING CALORIES AND THE WISH TO BE THIN LIKE A FUCKING SCELETON SO SHUT UP“

And then I'm like „ohh.. Right, they don't understand what it's like to.. yk.. starve.. They don't have those problems and they just try to help..“

And then I remember the fact that I can't tell them abt it, bc the last time I told them they cared soo much and always thought abt how to help me and how to make life easier for me.. And they shouldn't waste their time to help someone who doesn't want any help..

I just want to be skinneeeey :/

[boneydreams]

New Rules(calories):

Monday - Thursday: 600 calories

Fridays: 1000 calories

Weekend: Fast or 400-500 calories

Fast one day per week or more

If I want to give up I just post thinspo or general just go to read Tumblr posts

I hope I'm able to do this..!

Here's some thinspo to motivate :)

[boneydreams]

I-.. Wow. Beautiful.

[boneydreams]

Me, when I realised, I like the thought of purging all my food out of my stomach be like:

It was rly scary.. just to be honest

[boneydreams]

Everyday I step on the scale and my weight hasn't changed it's like an extra motivation not to eat.. I like it. It's kinda selfharm and kinda addicting :):

[boneydreams]

For the ones who think, binging is just boredom-eating:

Binging is a COMPLETELY DIFFERENT thing. Ppl don't binge bc they feel like having their fav food or sth. It's NOT about enjoyment.

Ppl who binge are feeling like they got a huge „hole“ inside that they're trying to fill. With food. They know it problably doesn't fill that emotional „hole“ but they're trying anyway.

It's like your mind doesn't give u the choice to say „Heyy I don't want to eat like.. That much..“ THEIR MINDS ARE PLAYING GAMES OKAY THEY CAN'T CONTROL IT.

And also those ppl doesn't always eat food they like.. It's just about eating. It's NOT about what or how much AT ALL. Just eating. So please NEVER offend emotional or binge-eaters. It's a fucking disease not a choice.

[boneydreams]

Note for myself:

If I want to eat chocolate, CAUSE I FUCKING LOVE CHOCOLATE. I'll drink diet soda UNTIL it goes away.

[boneydreams]

You know,

Sth is wrong with u, if u hella cry when u see, that u ate over 1000 calories today. I ate that much and now I'm gonna fast for the next 24 hrs, bye bye :(:

[boneydreams]

Why tf is this so true.