bowel-glitch-blog

[bowel-glitch-blog]

Arizona: Extra Sweet Green Tea

(our ratings & experiences)

Flavour Accuracy

Myles: ?/20 Roni: 20/20 Average Rating: ?/20

I mean... Yeah, this is just like the name suggests. It leaves the same aftertaste as a classic iced tea and doesn't have any particular flavour outside of being green tea with a hint of honey. I'm not sure what ginseng tastes like, but it was probably in there too. All-in-all, very flavour-accurate.

Health Concern

Myles: ?/20 Roni: 14/20 Average Rating: ?/20

I didn't think that iced tea could reach near-Faygo levels of sugar, but here we are. Unfortunately, one can has 120% of the recommended daily sugar intake. Again, it's not as bad as those soft drinks, but it's still not good.

Color Appeal

Myles: ?/20 Roni: 20/20 Average Rating: ?/20

The colour of the drink itself is just regular tea-colour with no eccentricities. Appealing because it's tea that looks like tea. Perfect, flawless, and not concerning. Full marks.

It might look like piss out of the can but it sure drinks a whole lot better

Overall Enjoyment

Myles: 20/20 Roni: 20/20 Average Rating: 20/20

A great drink with no complications. A satisfying amount of liquid that's best drank ice-cold. Refreshing and yummy the whole way, perhaps amplified by my affinity for iced tea drinks in general. Very enjoyable!

To me, this beverage acts as a very light amnesia-inducing drink. Everytime I take a sip I momentarily forget about the 1500 word essay I have due at the end of this week as well as all of my self-loathing. This drink is so enjoyable that I already had it once last week and finished the whole can before I got the chance to write my side of this blog.

Re-drinkability

Myles: ?/20 Roni: 19/20 Average Rating: ?/20

Of course I'd get this again! I actually bought it one more time since taking that cover photo because it's super good. Only knocked it down a single point for its sugar content, but because it's iced tea i feel like I don't care about it as much as I would, say, a carbonated drink.

Summary

Myles’ Rating: ?/100 Roni’s Rating: 93/100 Average Rating: ?/100

Grade: TBD

[bowel-glitch-blog]

Hello BGB readers! Sorry we haven't updated the blog in over a month-- We haven't forgotten about it! We've just been busy with life and such :') We'll have another post next Monday, featuring something other than Faygo. Stay tuned!

Peace, Roni

[bowel-glitch-blog]

Faygo: Vanilla Creme Soda (Review)

note: Myles didn't get around to buying this flavour last week, so he'll be editing this tomorrow to include his opinions!

Another note: because no EzyMart location I know of seems to have this flavor in stock, it seems that you won't be getting my side of this review until further notice.

(our ratings & experiences)

Flavour Accuracy

Myles: ?/20 Roni: 20/20 Average Rating: ?/20

Oh yeah. This is creaming soda. Tastes like the correct amount of sugar that's meant to be in a creaming soda drink, and is also pretty dang accurate to any other creaming soda drink. You'd think that it would, but it didn't change flavour as I drank it, either!

Health Concern

Myles: ?/20 Roni: 10/20 Average Rating: ?/20

Now that I know how bad it can get, 132% isn't too bad. It's still awful, and way too much for a drink, but it could be much worse (looking at you, Grape...) Only reason it ranks lower than Cotton Candy is because I'm more aware of how sweet it is, somehow.

Color Appeal

Myles: ?/20 Roni: 20/20 Average Rating: ?/20

This liquid is clear. In my books for drinkability, nothing can top this colour, or rather, lack of colour. Puts confidence in me that at least I won't get a lethal dosage of chemical food dye in my system. Perfect score.

Overall Enjoyment

Myles: ?/20 Roni: 19/20 Average Rating: ?/20

Honestly, this might be my favourite drink thus far. No struggle to finish the bottle and I felt satisfied after I had the last bit of it. Sugar content was in the back of my mind, but only very vaguely. No regrets, would reccomend.

Re-drinkability

Myles: ?/20 Roni: 17/20 Average Rating: ?/20

This drink is great. I would definitely get it again. I'm not sure if I'm biased or something, but I really enjoy this flavour! Minus 3 points (because it's Faygo...) but otherwise it's very very re-drinkable.

Summary

Myles’ Rating: ?/100 Roni’s Rating: 86/100 Average Rating: ?/100

Grade: TBD

[bowel-glitch-blog]

Faygo: Grape (Review)

note: Myles didn't get around to buying this flavour last week, so he'll be editing this tomorrow to include his opinions!

(our ratings & experiences)

Flavour Accuracy

Myles: 20/20 Roni: 19/20 Average Rating: 19.5/20

It's pretty much the perfect combination of that sickly sweet artificial grape flavour and the flavour of actual grape juice. Even if I were evaluating the accuracy of the 'grape'-ness of either definition, I think it'd score high on both. Only reason I'm not giving it a perfect score is because it tastes just barely a bit too sweet.

Now THIS is what Faygo should taste like. Unlike all the other Faygo flavors reviewed so far (which all taste like an elephant's piss overloaded with sugar), this drink precisely simulates the taste of grapes while still tasting the way a soda should. It's almost as if the grapes that were used to make the natural and artificial flavoring of this drink came from Dionysus himself.

Health Concern

Myles: 10/20 Roni: 3/20 Average Rating: 6.5/20

It tastes pretty fine in terms of 'is this killing me', but after checking the back of the bottle... Wow. Faygo had to count this bottle as 2 servings instead of one because the sugar content is 164% of the recommended daily sugar value. 164% isn't even real. How did we accidentally go from the lowest sugar content in the first week to an absurdly high one??? And we started on cotton candy?! The only reason this isn't at 1 again is because my body felt completely fine after drinking the whole bottle.

I probably should be concerned since this is an American drink with the sugar content and all the artificial elements to match, but I guess it's the flavor of the beverage that dispells most of my concerns since it actually tastes good. Then again, that sugar content of 82 grams does seem pretty concerning...

Color Appeal

Myles: 12/20 Roni: 13/20 Average Rating: 12.5/20

Looks pitch black at first glance, but it's actually a dark grey-purple colour that you can really only see if you shake the bottle. I like purple, but I feel pretty average about this drink's colour. It matches the flavour well and it's certainly not unappealing, but I feel like they could've done better with it. Maybe a slightly more vibrant purple would bring up my score for this.

If I'm being honest, the colors of the label are more appealing to me than the color of the actual drink. But it's this near pitch-black color with purple tones here and there that reminds me of Ribena so it's all good with me.

Overall Enjoyment

Myles: 20/20 Roni: 18/20 Average Rating: 19/20

It's pretty good! If I hadn't checked the back, I feel like my enjoyment would be a 19 or 20 out of 20. They hit all the marks with this flavour and the drink had an interesting enough flavour profile that I didn't get sick of the taste. This is a good time to mention that neither Myles nor I are affected by sugar (i.e., we don't get 'sugar highs' or 'sugar crashes'), so that factor isn't involved in any of our rankings.

Unless there is another flavor out there that can make me change my mind, this is the best Faygo flavor out there in my eyes. If it's there on the drink shelf at EzyMart, I'm taking it. It makes me wish that the other flavors were this accurate to their name.

Re-drinkability

Myles: 20/20 Roni: 17/20 Average Rating: 18.5/20

The only reason my score is knocked down is because of the sugar content written on the back of this thing. I actually really like the drink as-is, and I'd get it pretty often if it wasn't so detrimental to my health! Same feeling as Pineapple, but better. Another side note is that this flavour is sold out everywhere in our main city except for one store location. Could be a sign that Grape Faygo is actually good!

Would I drink this again? Absolutely. This isn't even the first time I've had this particular flavor before. I chose this flavor for this review knowing it would be a relief from the tongue-incinerating experiences that were cotton candy and pineapple. I can only hope the other flavors that we are yet to review in the future are as enjoyable as this.

Summary

Myles’ Rating: 82/100 Roni’s Rating: 70/100 Average Rating: 76/100

Grade: B

[bowel-glitch-blog]

Hello avid BGB readers! Myles didn't get a chance to grab our next drink at the one (1) store that sells it near our university, so I'll be posting our next review without his input today, and he'll be updating it tomorrow to share his valued opinion. We'll also be updating the tier list then, so stay tuned!

Peace, Roni

[bowel-glitch-blog]

Faygo: Pineapple (Review)

(our ratings & experiences)

Flavour Accuracy

Myles: 8/20

Roni: 7/20

Average Rating: 7.5/20

Confound it! This drink may smell like and be branded as pineapple, but after the first sip, it tastes like whoever created this concoction intended to kill an elephant with the sugar content of the drink alone. It's almost as if there's been a tenfold increase in the sugar content of the pineapples used to make this drink (if there were even any to begin with).

It's like if you took a pineapple and extracted all the sweetness out of it to put in this bottle. And you also did it to 10 other pineapples. And added a large tablespoon of sugar. Have you ever drank the juice out of a pineapple can? It's like that, but artificial. It tasted like it wanted its sourness back. Is this what Hozier was talking about?

Health Concern

Myles: 2/20

Roni: 1/20

Average Rating: 1.5/20

It's Faygo. Naturally I'd have some concern drinking the stuff due to the fact that it's an American drink, meaning stuff like high fructose corn syrup and Red 40. I wasn't GREATLY concerned until my colleague pointed out that the drink had 157% of the daily sugar value in it. I might stay away from this stuff for a while.

It was... Very sweet. With a capital V. Somehow, the sugar content in this one is even higher than our previous flavour (25% of the daily sugar intake HIGHER than Cotton Candy!!!). Also, there are absolutely zero pineapple-related ingredients listed on the back. I am convinced if a small British boy in the 1800s drank a full bottle of this he would pass away within 24 hours.

Color Appeal

Myles: 2/20

Roni: 3/20

Average Rating: 2.5/20

Never had much of a liking for anything yellow. I'm usually interested in any brightly colored drink, but the murky yellow that this drink is really hampers the appeal of this thing to me. If you are a fan of yellow (yellow fans do not exist) (excuse you), then go right ahead. This just isn't for me.

Yellow is my second favourite colour, but it doesn't make up for the unattractiveness of this drink. For one, this drink is not transparent. It is translucent and foggy, which severely detracts points. Secondly, this is a pretty weird shade of yellow. It's teetering on the green end of the yellow spectrum, which is so much less appealing than the orange end. At least yellow is a more reasonable juice colour than blue.

Overall Enjoyment

Myles: 10/20

Roni: 16/20

Average Rating: 13/20

Not really a big fan of this one. Now that I've had multiple sips of the stuff, it tastes like if you took a bunch of yellow gummy snakes and liquefied them into a drink of sorts.

I've been pretty negative about this flavour so far, but I don't fully hate this drink. Though how much it damages my health detracts from my enjoyment overall, the drink doesn't taste bad at all to me. It just doesn't taste like pineapple. It didn't change in taste as I kept drinking it either, which is a bonus.

Re-drinkability

Myles: 7/20

Roni: 14/20

Average Rating: 10.5/20

Definitely not drinking this flavor again. Just like with Cotton Candy, the only time I'll ever willingly drink this is if the drink aisle in EzyMart is barren (which it never is) and there are no other good flavors available.

I wouldn't get this drink often (for the sake of my health), but it's not something I'm super opposed to. I think if this drink was better health-wise, it'd be on my options list for little beverages for walking through the city with (along with Coca-Cola Zero Sugar Vanilla, but more about that at a later date).

Summary

Myles’ Rating: 29/100

Roni’s Rating: 41/100

Average Rating: 35/100

Grade: F

[bowel-glitch-blog]

Weekly Faygo reviews? Sweet. You reckon you'll have guest stars show up?

Oooh good idea! Maybe we'll have some in the future! 👀

Peace, Roni

[bowel-glitch-blog]

Hi friends! while this is not a faygo drink i highly recommend yall try the coffee flavour monster, i personally didnt hate it and while ik roni has already had a sip a full blog post on it could be super cool!

Hi!! Great suggestion! We're not locking ourselves into only reviewing Faygo until we run out of flavours, so we might give this a whirl sometime soon. We're thinking about the Calypso Lemonades, Coca-Cola variants, and other US/UK brands that have been imported into Australia. We can definitely add Monster Energy to our list of potential future rankings!

Peace, Roni

[bowel-glitch-blog]

Faygo: Cotton Candy (Review)

(our ratings & experiences)

Flavour Accuracy

Myles: 16/20

Roni: 18/20

Average Rating: 17/20

If the people at Faygo were trying to replicate the amount of sugar that goes into cotton candy, they were spot on. However, only the smell and the aftertaste of the drink felt accurate to cotton candy. Try not to gulp down too much of it at once. It tastes less like cotton candy the more you have it in a short amount of time

This smelled and tasted just like cotton candy almost all the way through to me, only it lacks an immediate flavour profile until about a second after you take a sip. Agreeing with Myles on the fact that it tastes less and less like cotton candy the more you drink, which is only slightly concerning. I think my taste buds stopped processing the sweetness about half way through my bottle.

Health Concern

Myles: 9/20

Roni: 11/20

Average Rating: 10/20

Didn't have much concern at first. Quickly drinking the stuff however left a sickly sweet taste in my mouth and it made me wonder if this is a soft drink I should be spending $6 AUD on.

Generally speaking, I could feel that this was bad for my stomach as I drank it. However, because of how cotton candy-esque it tasted, it also felt like it was lighter on sugar than it actually was (132% of the daily intake of sugar in a single bottle...) It honestly could've been worse. Was going to give a 16 before my stomach started cramping abnormally, like my body was rejecting this sudden increase of sugar. -5 for that.

Color Appeal

Myles: 19/20

Roni: 15/20

Average Rating: 17/20

10/10 liquid color. Reminds me of pool water without all the chemicals and the smell. Not sure if this is just a me thing but any drink that's brightly colored greatly appeals to me.

I like the colour blue as much as the next person and I think that if I were to drink any blue liquid, this would be the most appealing shade of blue there is. Capping it at a solid 15 though, just because the colour blue doesn't scream 'ingestible' to me. Reminds me of cleaning solution or liquid car coolant.

Overall Enjoyment

Myles: 10/20

Roni: 8/20

Average Rating: 9/20

Try not to drink a lot of this in a short period of time like I did. Better to savour the flavour over time instead of ruining the experience by getting sick of the taste too quickly.

The more time spent I drinking this, the worse I felt about what I was drinking. The first few sips were actually pretty enjoyable, but drinking the last third of it was legitimately the most challenging thing I did today.

Re-drinkability

Myles: 12/20

Roni: 7/20

Average Rating: 9.5/20

Because of the way this particular flavor seems to get worse the more I have it, I would NOT get this drink again. The only time I'd ever drink this again is when there aren't any other good Faygo flavors available.

I experienced Cotton Candy Faygo once, and I have no desire to purchase another bottle for myself soon. However, if somebody offered me a smaller amount of it, I wouldn't refuse to take it.

Summary

Myles' Rating: 66/100

Roni's Rating: 59/100

Average Rating: 62.5/100

Grade: C

[bowel-glitch-blog]

BOWELGLITCHBLOG'S Marking Rubric!

Hello! Here's a very simple guide to how we've chosen to grade the drinks we try.

Both of us grade each flavour against five criteria, all marked out of 20 total points per criterion. Adding them up gives us a mark out of 100 total points, which is averaged between the two of us to give the flavour an overall grade. The criteria includes:

Flavour Accuracy (i.e., how close is the flavour to its name/bottle design) 1 -> entirely inaccurate/no connection 20 -> perfect description of the flavour

Health Concern (i.e., does this taste like something I should ingest?) 1 -> I should not be putting this in my body. 20 -> Yes! This liquid is definitely potable!

Colour Appeal (i.e., is the beverage colour 'appealing' to a chosen definition) 1 -> this looks absolutely heinous 20 -> this looks incredibly drinkable

Overall Enjoyment (i.e., how much we personally enjoyed drinking the full bottle) 1 -> what a terrible experience 20 -> mmmmm yummy

Re-Drinkability (i.e., how often would you drink this?) 1 -> literally couldn't pay me to drink this again 20 -> I'd have one every day if I could

Here are the point cut-offs in reference to the tier-list grades: S -> 90 + A -> 81 - 90 B -> 66 - 80 C -> 51 - 65 D -> 41 - 50 F -> 40 >

Our header updates every time we try a new flavour, so check it out every now and then! Enjoy our silly little blog :)

Peace, Roni