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Sometimes I realise that I'm a little bit in love with everyone I know. Not necessarily romantically but definitely in love. Like it's not a verb I'm not doing the act of loving them it's like something that's happening to me. I just love everyone at least a tiny little bit. I genuinely believe no one has zero redeeming qualities. Even my ex who I hate as much as I can hate a person. I don't believe he deserves to get anywhere in life but I admire the ambition and the passion he strives with to move forward in life. One of my best friends, I'm in love with his laugh and his smile. I'm in love with how he calls me stupid nicknames and how when he hugs me to comfort me when I'm upset he gives me a kiss on the top of the head. Another of my closest friends, I'm in love with the way he just gets me and always knows what to say. Another really close friend, I'm in love with the stupid flirty jokes she makes with me and how she gets angry on my behalf when someone fucks me over, usually angrier than I am. These aren't romantic but God am I in love. Like I hate people but Im also in love everyone just a little bit.

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Alfred's Playhouse Commentary.

Alfred's playhouse is a vent show I recently discovered made by Emily Youcis. I will be addressing the actual content of the show before I move on to my opinion on Emily herself so please hold fire until the end because I KNOW what you're thinking.

TRIGGER WARNING - CSA, SH, CHILD ABUSE, NAZISM, GRAPHIC IMAGERY.

(Not all these themes are discussed in my post but you should be aware of these before watching the show)

Alfred's Playhouse features main character Alfred, who is a dog described in the introduction song as desperately attempting to escape his painful reality. I agree that it is genuinely disturbing, but I'd like to address its vague poignancy and how it deals with its themes.

In the first episode, we see what I think (as a survivor myself) to be the most accurate representation of how it feels to be sexually assaulted I've ever seen. The moment where everything is odd and numb and quiet followed by pure panic and rage.

The first episode also displays mental instability incredibly well. I've struggled with my mental health for the past six years and honestly the scenes where Alfred just rambles about essentially nothing at all, addressing an imagined audience, accurately represents what feels like the descent into madness many mentally ill people are convinced they go through. The thought that you've lost your mind is an extremely painful one and Alfred's Playhouse depicts that with surprising levels of accuracy.

Episode two, however, is essentially just this massive showcase of Alfred brutally harming himself. Though it portrays the very common desperate desire for attention many people experience when they struggle with self harm, myself included, I feel the level of gore is a little gratuitous, displaying Alfred almost bleeding to death from the wounds he's inflicted upon himself. That being said, it is a vent show so I see why Youcis made the decision. She never really made it for other people it was a way to make herself feel better. Then again, it was her decision to post it publicly.

Episode three essentially explains the whole show from a weirder perspective and honestly I don't want to go into it since I have so much to say and it's quarter past 11 at night and I have college tomorrow, but it is a good episode with the context of the show.

Overall, though it is important for assault victims and mentally ill people to have content in which they feel seen, I feel Youcis should have toned her work down a little before posting it. However, the Internet was a wild west in 2007.

Now onto Youcis herself, I feel it is incredibly unjustified to attribute her current political views to the show. She fell down the alt-right pipeline after publishing Alfred's Playhouse. This is almost definitely because of her downward spiral. It's not uncommon for groups like the alt-right to target vulnerable people like Emily. She has so clearly been crying for help for years and, though there's no excuse for her words or actions, I feel you should take her art for what it is rather than apply a made up meaning to it. The depictions of Nazis in the show - I think - are more a commentary on her childhood trauma and the themes of the show, Alfred feeling his life is dictated by someone/something else. While there's definitely better content in the genre and in general, the massive controversy surrounding Alfred's Playhouse is - in my opinion - unwarranted and really just watch it with an open mind and separate it from current Emily because she wasn't like she is now when she made it. Instead of hating on the present, understand the past and don't be overly shocked when mentally ill people do fucked up shit, especially when they've received the kind of backlash Emily Youcis faced.

Final disclaimer- I don't support her actions I hope she burns I just want people to understand things how they actually happened yk?

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The thing I find really funny abouts transmeds is that they blame literal children for the decisions of creepy old white dudes. Like I just saw a post that said (verbatim) "xenogender kids, you are making things worse" and I'm just wondering if the op actually considered the fact that they used the word "kids", acknowledging they were talking about children. Like bro lemme be real with you for a second kids experimenting with gender in a way you fail to understand isn't actually such a big deal. Like yeah i don't really understand it either but I don't fucking care. Liklihood is they're not gonna walk into some interview and say "hi I'm pumpkingender" and most of them (at least in my experience) are a ok with being called they/them along with xenos/neos. Accept that children aren't responsible for deep-rooted societal and systemic transphobia PLEASE. if someone is transphobic it is purely their problem and not to be blamed on kids who just wanna express themselves.

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Using this as a shameful excuse to self promo my dreamling fic "The Night Before a Dream" (by shittywittyname). I'm rlly proud of it and I'm working on an update but my life is a nightmare (much like very ao3 writer ever)

CONGRATS DREAMLING!!

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I got in trouble because a girl had made fun of my (irish) last name (bc english ppl are scared of anything not english) and I tapped her on the shoulder as she walked away to tell her that was a bitch move (in the way a ten year old would so probably something more along the lines of "Thats not very nice!!!"). This wanker turns around and screams "DID YOU JUST PUSH ME?!?!?!" and slams me against the fence behind me. I'm struggling to escape this attempt on my life when a teacher comes to let us into school. The woman screams "ARE YOU TWO FIGHTING?!?!??!" and we're taken inside to decide our punishment. I'm asking my side of the story and I tell the full truth but this girl denies everything. I'm put on in school suspension for the day and my mum is called. She still brings this up almost six years later and I still passionately sustain that i did nothing wrong.

what's the most demented thing you guys got in trouble for in school mine was when an english boy in my class made fun of my name and called my mum a (derogatory word for irish travellers) so i told him my ira uncle was in town and was coming to blow him up after school

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It's super complex bc detrans ppl who use their experience to invalidate all trans ppl and use their individual experience as evidence rather than the statistics that back up the opposite deserve to be called out and clearly do not want to be welcome in trans spaces. They also should not be welcome in trans spaces because trans spaces should be safe spaces where people feel they can understand and support each other. Trans people should absolutely accommodate detransitioners who want support and understanding, and op didn't need to be so aggressive to a presently non-existent enemy. Plus, equating perceived "ugliness" with "genetic fault" is ridiculous. T is KNOWN for enhancing your odds of baldness up to tenfold. A lot of transmascs tend to feel they don't mind losing their hair in exchange for lowered levels of dysphoria, myself included (and I really value my hair). It's mental to shame detransitioners out of nowhere when none of them are opposing you or targeting you and then blame genetics for changes that medical testosterone is notorious foe causing.

I’m going to be honest. Zero empathy for formerly trans masculine detransitioners who wax poetic about how testosterone made them sooo ugly and they just weren’t prepared for it and how the evil trans cult destroyed their feminine beauty. That’s not testosterone’s fault, that’s not trans people’s fault. That’s a genetic fault. Take it up with your bald-headed daddy. Get a toupee and get a grip.

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every month I have to wonder if I'm going through a depressive episode or I'm just pmsing

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LIFE IS STRANGE 1 SPOILERS

Just saw a post calling chloe from life is strange (my new hyperfixation LOLLLL) wlw and I just wish people could admit that bisexuals are bisexual? She canonically had feelings for Rachel Amber obviously and asking max to kiss her "as a dare" is pretty gay, but she also SAYS that she's had boyfriends in the past? Just becuase she said it wasn't serious doesn't mean she wasn't into them??? Has anyone on tumblr actually had any relationships before??? Do none of you know how it works??? Just admit that bisexuals are bisexual PLEASE

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My dads dog is french and obvi my dad brought him with them when him and his fiancée came to england from france and most of his commands are in french and everyone is always astonished by this.

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In primary school (if ur not from UK that's ages 5-11) our creative writing teachers completely banned us from using the word "said" for this very reason. At the time I thought it was ridiculous and annoying becuase our creative writing pieces literally couldn't get decent marks if we used "said" even once. Now, as someone who still writes creatively as a hobby (and hopefully professionally someday) I am so grateful. I don't strictly prohibit myself from using "said", but I did instill in me a habit of considering the word I use after dialogue, which makes my writing generally that bit more interesting and immersive.

no writing workshop can help you improve your writing as much as this screenshot can

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And I'll love you

Gently

I'll trace my fingers around your palms and memorise every line engraved into you

I'll hold you close and tell you it will all be okay

I'll love you gently

In hope that you'll love me the same

Yet feel surprised when you love me

Just as you love me

Love me as me and as the one that loves you

It makes me smile

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*he's talking about nightmare ™️Dream of course

(or the eldritch being! Dream in the fic i wrote)

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Books I have read that changed me as a person because i feel like it

Nineteen eighty-four (george orwell)

Animal farm (george orwell)

Girl, interrupted (susanna kaysen)

The perks of being a wallflower (steven chbosky)

Dear evan hansen (the novel) (val emmich)

Solitaire (alice oseman)

Cemetery boys (aidan thomas)

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i sometimes sit around and wish that my brain worked <3

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i despise my school