bpdbean - Tumblr blog

[bpdbean]

as a system i think about this every day

[bpdbean]

What people don't understand about childhood trauma is that they didn't just take your childhood from you. They took away years of potential adult happiness too. I spent a decade not knowing why I felt the way I did, now destined to spend years healing through what I finally can put into words. It's all the nights I spend crying because I can't push the thoughts away enough to do what I enjoy. That is the curse of childhood trauma. I look forward to better days. The present is too hard.

[bpdbean]

[bpdbean]

surviving csa is constantly learning different ways of how you were betrayed & violated

like having a casual conversation and someone says something that makes you go "wait... that's not okay???" and then you have flashbacks for the next 3-5 business days

what do you MEAN this normal and common occurance in my childhood was actually a severe crime?? why are my friends more upset about it than me???

nemesis out

[bpdbean]

POV your trauma memories start to add up and you start to put together a timeline

[bpdbean]

I HATE when people tell me "just forget about your trauma" or "just get over it" or even "just be happy".

Like, how?? I get flashbacks everyday and sometimes multiple times a day.

How can someone "forget trauma"?

How can someone "get over trauma"?

How can someone "just be happy" over trauma"?

LIKE, FUCKING HOW???

It really annoys me and VERY triggering too.

Does anyone else get annoyed and triggered by that statement?

[bpdbean]

Having CPTSD is so embarrassing. People with PTSD are like, “I fought in a war. I held my best friend as I saw the light leave his eyes. How about you?”

“My mom was mean to me when I was little…”

[bpdbean]

i don’t know who i am anymore, there’s too many versions of “me”

[bpdbean]

[bpdbean]

[bpdbean]

Every book about PTSD will repeatedly mention how your personality will change after the traumatic event. How this is an indicator that you have the disorder. How this is a universal experience for everyone who suffers from post traumatic stress.

But I never got to have a life before trauma. That person was killed before they were alive. All that remains is a broken shell from where a child was ripped out with violent teeth.

I didn't change from my trauma, because I never existed before it began.

[bpdbean]

[bpdbean]

[bpdbean]

Self-aware of my self-destruction, yet unable to stop myself.

[bpdbean]

who else mourning the person they could've been if they were treated kindly as a child

[bpdbean]

[bpdbean]