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arfid feel #24: Trained Professionals not knowing about arfid/sed

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let’s talk about “picky eating” and it’s relation to EDs

*my contribution to this post is strictly about AFRID, also known as Avoidant Restrictive Food Intake Disorder. i ask and encourage anyone else with another type(s) of EDs to add on to this post with their experience/opinion! i have ARFID so i have the most experience and firsthand knowledge of it, and it’s an ED heavily affected by the “picky eaters are just childish” narrative.

please stop making fun of people for their diets or food habits. i understand it in the context of parents regarding what habits they force onto their kids, or suggesting things about close friends’ diets when asked, or other specific situations but for the love of whatever’s out there, i BEG you to stop mocking people for “picky eating” or strange diets.

to you, picky eating may be a seemingly childish or privileged thing, but a lot of picky eaters including myself have an eating disorder that often goes undiagnosed called ARFID (Avoidant Restrictive Food Intake Disorder.) it’s commonly diagnosed in autistic people, especially kids, but it’s also an ED non-autistic people can develop.

ARFID is characterized through “picky” eating habits. it is NOT weight or appearance-based like most other eating disorders. people with ARFID, generally speaking, feel the obligation to only eat things with specific textures, ways that the food is cooked, only certain colors, or within certain food groups, etc. and are usually very hesitant to try new foods (especially that don’t fit under their personal criteria) otherwise they’re met with discomfort, nausea or general sickness, anxiety, downright fear, or other negative symptoms.

a lot of us have manageable diets that don’t really play a big role in our lives, because it’s our normal. but i get disgusted and scared of eating specific foods. for example, if i were to try to eat a banana, i literally might get a panic attack from the texture on my tongue or near me. i’ve been a vegetarian since the 5th grade because i cannot stand the texture or smell of any meat... it will literally make me sick. but a LOT of people like to poke fun at it despite it being my only genuine fear.

i, logically, KNOW it won’t hurt me. i KNOW certain things are good for me and i have to tough it out. but my brain doesn’t.

it’s not just being picky; it’s an eating disorder that most of us have developed over a VERY long period of time (we’re talking since childhood) and is extremely hard to overcome. my diet only consists of a really small amount of foods, so even going to fancy restaurants or even going to friends’ houses makes me super anxious because i don’t want to try new things or i’m afraid that friends will try to force me to eat the food they’ve cooked, or even worse, i feel the obligation to eat foods i don’t like and will end up having a panic attack.

more often than not, people with ARFID already feel childish, feel extreme guilt, are dissatisfied with our diets, and know that we look silly or that we hold the privilege to deny foods. WE KNOW. you don’t have to tell us.

encouraging the idea that picky eaters are nothing but childish and rude just makes us feel so, so much worse.

so please don’t make fun of us for denying certain foods, being scared of trying new things, having “strange” or non-traditional diets, not eating much, etc. and do not try to force us to eat things we’ve clearly stated we don’t want. it will only make us even more anxious.

thanks.

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oh haven’t you heard???? things will get better and you will be okay

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“what the fuck is wrong with me?” i ask, fully aware of the mood, personality, and anxiety disorders i have

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Could you just pretend you love me?

I know it’s hard because I’m a mess right now but I need you so much.

Just stroke my hair and kiss my forehead and pretend I’m not hard to love right now, please.

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ok i decided not to be so emotional and overreacting

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someone: i want to do this thing with you

me: i’m not really in the mood

someone: okay you don’t have to come

me, angrily: you absolutely May Not do it without me

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love that when you google how to talk to your partner about BPD there’s a million & one results for how to be the partner to someone who has BPD but…. not to be… the one… with bpd

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don’t mind me i just do this REALLY toxic thing where when i knowingly & intentionally fuck up i get so consumed by guilt and embarrassment and extreme anxiety that i accidentally flip the entire situation so now i’m crying & Youre comforting Me

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me looking back on how i self destructed: she really did that!

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BPD Reminder #42

Not everyone sees the world the way we do. While them not answering for a couple hours may seem dire, they might not bat an eye when someone doesn’t answer them for a couple hours. 

It doesn’t mean how you feel isn’t valid, but just remember, that we see and feel the world differently. Try not to judge your neurotypical friends too harshly. 

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