bradandchris

[bradandchris]

Five years ago at the ripe age of 17 Gustavio was barred from swimming in the ocean after inadvertently setting off what grew into a 100 foot rogue wave hooking up with Bobbie Maxwell in the shallows at the local gay beach.

It happens.

[bradandchris]

Chris wasn’t so sure. In fact, he was on the opppsite end if anything. Everything seemed better without bacon. Have you seen how it’s made?!? It will give you nightmares. The thought of exposing the breakfast meat did bring about an interesting scenario. So if one ‘outs’ bacon is the bacon gay or is it only gay if it self identifies as gay? Chris just didn’t see the latter part of the equation happening. It was such a hetero experience in the first place. If there was ever bacon on a hot dog the first thing he did was take it off. It always felt like some sort of bad hygiene which always ruined it for him.

[bradandchris]

Brad did very well for himself as a contestant of The Gay, an all-male talent but mostly male-beauty competition. Most ironically he placed second out of 1,388 entries but ultimately took third place in the official standings as the runner-runner up. It was hardly a surprise Brad gracefully recused his spot as number 2 because as he preached to his bf Chris prior to the competition, it sounded like sh*r. He did not need that on his resume. Sooooo… like any other reasonable gay, Brad naturally went down one to get it off.

Better strides

[bradandchris]

To answer the question. Yes. Chris’s bike shorts were quick dry. That was not an admission but a fact. It was hard to say what was up down there but if he worded things well he still managed to inform everyone just now without saying it explicitly as doing so would be explicit itself. You can’t do that on Tumblr because…. Well, we’re not really sure why all this is so difficult for them. Sex has driven humanity since day one and people today have more sex on the internet than in the physical form. The slip ups by Tumblr in moderating content are akin to the Pope fumbling with forgiveness. It really makes that much sense.

We are online right?!

Ok. Just checking. Wait. Does Tumblr know?

That’s the real question.

Well, well, well. At last. It seems things may have finally come to a head with Tumblr and for the second time in a matter of minutes, for Chris.

[bradandchris]

Brad didn’t need a friend right now. This was a competition. He also didn’t need to make a name for himself. His name was already Brad. It was on his birth certificate and on his REAL ID that was made of plastic just like the non real ID he had before.

Now that his name was clear Brad could answer the question from the man behind, ‘no they are not from Ross. They are from the top drawer in the shorter dresser in my bedroom as my other posers. I have enough for two drawers but I roll them instead of fold them as my pink thongs alone take an entire drawer. Chris has his own drawer of pink thongs that goes into overflow when the laundry is done. I can not begin to tell about the space issues we are dealing with at home. To that, you are six inches to close to me. Step off or I shall step on you ok? I have absolutely no problem doing that. If you speak to me again I’ll drop a house on you too, steal your dog and take all the hay out of your scarecrow friend over there and feed him to the crows! I don’t know who the f Dorothy is - never met a Dorothy. The closest I’ve been was as bartender at Tony Awards when Liza pinched my cheeks and not the ones on my face. Do you have anything better that’s granting you authority here?.’

It turned out the man behind him was once Liza’s doorman and chauffeur. He drove Liza to the very awards Brad was harassed. That did not help the situation. Things somewhat diffused when the guy standing behind the guy standing behind Chris first apologized for interrupting, blamed it on the fact he happened to be born with two fully functional ears, and then plainly laid out the fact Chris’ space issues were relatively mild relative compared to Katy Perry’s.

Before Chris coukd ask wtf that had to do with anything the curtain was up and all were headed to their places on stage. Chris would win the competition by a hair credited to his response in the newly added q&a segment where he was asked by the judges if he could relate to the recent all women space flight with a randomized follow up question he picked out of a glass bowl asking if he believed in coincidences.

[bradandchris]

Just The Fashion Tip #567

One strong photo WERKS. Four good photos WORKS. Rake it in.

Zero fake. Zero make. Zero 'It' out. Be what you are or you’re giving subpar.

BTW - It's P-A-N-K. Pank.

Finally - There are no questions if you have any.

Why are you still here?!

yumar_cuba@instagram

[bradandchris]

Brad was not having it. “Nope. Just take it back. I don’t want it Chris. It’s not the best. I’m not going to win the title of THE Gay with whatever it is you’re trying to pass off on me. I’m telling you now it’s sub par and that is exactly not what THE Gay competition or crown is all about. There has to be a Masterclass on dignity somewhere. I suggest taking it. Let me tell you something Chris. Runner up doesn’t cut it. No honey. One can not go on as #2. It’s not just impossible, it is literally sh*t. Am I clear? I am asking as I thought I had a zit on my ass earlier which is why I’m so cranky. That could get me cut faster than a rug under a stripper pole at the Rainbow Grill!”

With that Chris immediately apologized and offered to inspect Brad’s ass. It led to what resolved the actual hangup. You didn’t need to be Brad’s boyfriend to know he was full of sh*t and always clean.

[bradandchris]

It was day six of the Atlantis cruise and surrounded by 100's of hot boys for nearly a week things were coming to a head for Brad and Chris. Was it blue cheese or ranch smothering that cobb salad? Neither really cared. Whatever it was---it sure was creamy... Mmmmm. As much as the two wanted to eat out they ended up going with room service for the privacy. It was unexpectedly novel by day three tho as die hard foodies the two still streamed the delivery live to the rest of the ship.

[bradandchris]

Chris’ practical joke on the production crew took a sharp 180 when he discovered the wonders of the blue screen. Why—oh why—had he listened to his neighbor Luke? Frustrated by the chaos, Chris launched into a speech declaring that **nobody did practical jokes anymore, and this was exactly why.** Two minutes later, he’d be stung yet again, realizing—on set, on camera—that Luke’s success had proved him spectacularly wrong.

Throughout the rest of the shoot, Chris found himself desperate to ask AI if these things really happened in threes. Turns out, they do not. Nor, for that matter, do Speedos come equipped with pockets for phones—surprisingly for several reasons. And as for whether everything had already been invented? AI said no. Chris wasn’t so sure. Maybe. How exactly could AI or anyone for that matter really know?

Chris, still peeved at AI passing off an assumption as fact, soon noticed something far more disturbing—he’d caught himself **trying.** It wasn’t the *haha* kind of funny. No, it was that eerie kind of funny that nudges toward the peculiar. For a fleeting moment, Chris wondered if he'd once been addicted to trying. The thought barely registered before he decided he didn’t care enough to investigate further.

Chris had more pressing questions—like how, exactly, could a joke be considered *practical*? Whomever invented English was obviously not well.

[bradandchris]

Just the Fashion Tip # 81

Fast fashion is over. Easy fashion is on the go. Access is everything. We mean everything. This is the world where we can watch watch trends trend on our watches but don’t because we all have phones and don’t need one more thing that can break or discover can no longer be insured.

[bradandchris]

Euro Hearthrob and now independent male model Gustavio was stunned to learn the plants growing on his swimmers were much like the reflected light making his skin gleam for the photo shoot. According to the local crew he hired the leaves adorning his prized jewels were not in fact natural.

Were these people from LA on crack?! The claim as to fake nature of the plants just didn’t make sense to Gustavio. He made the purchase himself. What was not natural about a rediculously good looking gay man shopping at the famed Speedo Plant Print Plant off the 405? It practically screamed ‘Gay men shop here!’’

The Speedo Plant Print Plant was the only gay brick and mortar living legend left on the planet that wasn't a locally owned pride parade without wheels shopping extravaganza. Gustavio was from Europe and came across it like a homing pigeon. It was practically instinct. Absolutely no thinking went into this. The Speedo Plant Print Plant was the first place Gustavio went to after stepping off the plane at LAX.

Not natural? As if.

Did he just say that? Gustavio hadn’t been in Cali that long and he was already speaking the lingo. Looking around at the carnage brought about by the photo shoot’s motley crew, Gustavio got a sinking feeling. Piece mealing PG-13 swimwear photo shoots with randoms on the other side of the planet was just not working out.

It was times like this Gustavio missed working corporate at Cover Girl as the brand's first and only male spokesperson and model. He despised AI for taking his job. How much money was the company really saving by going artificial? Gustavio never received benefits at Cover Girl in the first place and overtime was never an option. There were no cost savings there. The benefits gained by the company by replacing him with AI just weren’t adding up for him. He didn’t take the place of a woman in his role. It was an expansion of the brand to men.

Still, it was hard to dog the company completely. The atmosphere at Cover Girl felt fashion-forward and real which was a defining edge where the product was almost exclusively make up. You had to believe or you could’t imagine yourself looking better with the product on. Rarely does anyone buy make up to make themselves look worse with any thread of conscious intention. It’s all tipped in the industry’s favor from the get go. Cover Girl rang professional, polished, and progressive despite its shortcomings largely because it was in our heads. Maybe Gustavio was wrong here about Cover Girl. Maybe.

Hmmmmm. At the edge of actual thought Gustavio stopped himself. He really wasn't into right and wrong in the first place. It read childish somehow. The world was already selling him short offering this or that, here or there, one or two, but never anything truly engaging or of dimension. Rather, it was baited, funneled, remodeled, recycled, and spun to look new and exciting but really was nothing at all. We’ve seen too many behind the scenes pieces. What Gustavio did know was that photo shoots at Cover Girl though were certainly not jimmy rigged and full of unnatural claims as the one happening now fur him on the beach in California. How dare this crew accuse him of wearing fake plants!

There was no guessing at Cover Girl ever—-well, except in the brand’s tagline and everywhere things remained uncertain of course. That guessing game covered most everything actually not Gustavio was teetering into actual thought. Was that not the entire point of the brand and product tho?! It was the play that was genius. The tagline roused. The product just had to work. As long as everyone looked good --or at least thought they did--a business and its brands could do whatever it wanted to do and did. This observation by Gustavio of course was in theory given his first hand experience. The local news org that stepped in at the drop of a press release and a phone call outlining for them exactly what to cover had the authority.

Gustavio caught himself in a moment. Was he in a quandary? This might be serious. He’d need to ask AI what that was again. It almost sounded like it could be related to an orgy somehow. In reality, Gustavio couldn’t figure out exactly what he was picking up of anything at all. English was not his first or even second language. Few people that spoke English knew this of him.

Springing off the notion, Gustavio studied the crew as they were taking down the set up for the day. When the last piece of equipment was back in storage Gustavio fired the entire LA crew in one fell cold swoop. Watching them leave Gustavio felt a huge wave of relief except where he didn’t. Once again that was just about everywhere. In the moment Gustavio noted he couldn’t actually decipher if the relief he did feel was real or feigned out of expectation. Maybe he could have waited for the idea to sort itself out before firing the crew the crew like that…? Maybe.

The fact was people got in his way. Most interestingly Gustavio found the topic at hand was impossible to continue past the question. What exactly was that question anyway? Gustavio found himself at the edge of a spiral. He needed to focus. Spirals were only good as Mac & Cheese and there was none to found on a newly deserted beach.

What Gustavio really needed to Iknow was ‘Why did he care?’ Like anyone else he would need to ask someone else to find out. It was weird the question was ever asked to those outside the one asking it but it was not Gustavio's job to set the social norms or tell the world what parts of the soul and core functioning we needed to farm out as a priority. If people didn’t care to know why they cared, then it made sense to have another do the work. Did it? Maybe.

Gustavio stopped once more to ground the parts of himself still in reach. The crew was gone but he could see his phone was ringing in his bag about 15 feet away. WOW! Was he lucky that wasn't stolen. Gustavio would ignore the robo call from the hotel asking him to rate his stay before it was over, and snap a few selfies while the light was still there. He noted a different gleam the camera couldn't catch. He recognized it immediately. That was the part of Gustavio that stole so many hearts.

Immediately gratitude filled Gustavio to the brim. Thank god his je ne sais quoi stole hearts and not iPhones. He'd otherwise spend his whole life behind bars! That pent up scenario was only sexy in adult videos. Gustavio's life and reality was on camera... Errr, smart phone. Instagram? Ugh. Why oh why was everything so sticky clear?

What was difficult for Gustavio to grasp was how everything in the ‘now’ culture was caught on camera, materialized in your hand, and presented as yours yet remained decidedly intangible. Gustavio could see things but was that ever enough? Maybe.

The ‘now’ was unexpectedly losing its power for Gustavio. Like anyone else he preferred an experience. That meant past, present, and future all at once. Now was feeling…. Well, it felt flat, naive, and even irresponsible in places. Is it ever wise to put that much power in one place? Sure we could hear each other speak but was anyone actually saying anything? Maybe.

If we’re always hyper present and in the moment we would miss the bigger picture. The grand plan couldn’t care less if we were on board but I would certainly help us to swim with the current. We are way off course and it’s in part out of our love for living in micro niche. We want it our way with our people, whatever that may mean. We want to keep it local - yes, but just enough to justify our rampant global sourcing, offshoring everything we do, as well as to enjoy the tax breaks we believe we get for being outstanding citizens.

Speaking to experiences, concerts had already fallen out of reach for Gustavio.due to sky high pricing. Page Six was spotting billionaires in the last row at The Hollywood Bowl and Disney Concert Hall, and Beyonce was busy crooning to invisible fans wondering why no one wants to blow $400 to reminisce around accusations of infidelity and fierce accounts of kicking people out of their homes. Well… It’s all in that box to the left hunty. If it’s not there, it’s gone.

Travel was already getting risky for Gustavio. It was difficult for him not to notice coming from Europe. Doors were closing not opening - even in America the land of opportunity. It was shocking to Gustavio who only knew the open America, the one that spread capitalism, invaded his tv, and welcomed immigrants from every corner of the globe. It didn’t feel like the country he knew.

Everywhere he went the masses sat in rocking boats they didn’t set off but rather were working to hold steady. What was truly regrettable was that success worldwide now rooted itself in preventing the whole thing from completely tipping over and slipping into a nuclear war. It was hardly aspirational and he found there were so many people who had their balls to the walls for the mediocre. Why again?

Careers were in shambles. Families broken. People displaced. It was answered with a flood artificial technology, rampant automation, and a very pointed aggression by a government of the people against them at every level. Subpar reeked everywhere and people weee accepting it and even cheering it on. This made no sense to Gustavio. The United States was supposed to be number 1. Where was the American innovation? Leadership? Bravery? The country was basting itself in fear.

Business was not immune to the strange wave. Target couldn’t even get it together. Gustavio couldn’t believe everyone hated the big box retailer. They came in flawless. Did someone throw down banana peels everywhere? Everybody slipped. It was difficult to tell if people were falling down the stars by accident or being pushed. Did it matter? Maybe.

The fact was things were going down and not in any sense of well being or pleasure. America was isolating, mocking, making arguments, giving excuses, building walls, and giving itself bad information along with that of the enemy. They were doing their dirty work and it was wearing on them heavily. Plain and simple.

Ok. Now… We are going to pause for a second. Count down from five to zero with me and I will finish the thought.

Five.

Four.

Three.

Two.

One.

Zero.

Honey, let me tell you something.

These are not things people do when they are happy. Not a single one. They just aren’t. Sure one might get a win here or there but nothing happening in the limelight was worth writing home about. Really. Nothing. There was no ‘maybe’ here.

As things were, Gustavio found the pursuit of happiness in America sat on its head. Did they even know what it was? Gustavio stopped himself right there. The thought itself was nearly impossible. America practically invented happiness. It created the happiest place on Earth! That was Disneyland. Regardless, it wasn’t his place to say, teach, or advise. Happiness didn’t come from the outside.

Gustavio knew in that moment he needed to go. It was time to return to Europe. America would find its way. It was only 250 years old. The local natives went back thousands of years and he wondered how such rich tapestry came into play.

Admittedly Gustavio spent most of his time on the surface of the gay bubble. It was all easier to believe that way. Perhaps the naive read and European accent helped get him hired and then later fired at Cover Girl. Modeling gigs never did last long. Why did Gustavio think this was any exception? Did he believe he was doing something truly groundbreaking?

It was a refreshing yes and no. Gustavio could pick that apart at home where he could get out of the water but what was remarkable was that there was no ‘maybe’ littering the landscape that might lock him in place. Curiosity would never pin him down like that and this was a key point of differentiation. Just like happiness, curiosity came from within but both derived from there as well. That was the key and Gustavio was released from its spell.

With that, Gustavio needed to make like Anna Wintour and leave in a fashion out of fashion and do so with style but not the magazine Style. That always read cheap. That wasn’t him, but it did describe a few men he provided a ‘dating experience’ for many moons ago before upping his hourly pricing and introducing his infamous ‘indulgent weekend’ packages.

He might need to offer them again if all the hoopla somehow manages to sustain itself. It was exhausting from the sidelines but despite the reality it would likely continue to blowback, Gustavio knew that even if he did need to go back for the money he’d at least be making people happy even if only for two days or two hours at a time.

It was then Gustavio realized he got in the country without hassle given his extreme good looks. A flashback brought a wink from a woman TSA agent tipping off a terrify prospect. Would he be able to leave the United States? Spending his whole life peaking, Gustavio had no idea as to how to make himself look ugly or unattractive enough to guarantee a smooth exit.

This could be a real problem. No one spoke to the back end. That’s where Gustavio shined. This was his expertise. His passion. His life. How could he overlook the exit? Like any other gay man in a top position it really was difficult for Gustavio to think anything past behind.

Luckily there was always a gay crew member or five on every international flight. Gustavio would be ok as long as he got on and got it on on the plane. It was a lot of very welcomed ‘on’s’ where everything was decidedly off. As long as he did the cabin crew in a manner they could still walk immediately after with a genuine smile on their face, they would recover and be ok too. The beach crew would get an apology letter and proper compensation the following week. It didn’t make sense at any level to burn bridges where half the city can easily catch on fire at any given moment.

The fact was in his travels Gustavio could see everyone no matter who they were or where they were from had all been through enough. He didn’t need to be the one to add more to that stinky pile. He was happy and he knew it but wasn’t going to clap his hands, spin in a circle or anything like that. Gustavio was 6’4 burly macho and full of bulging supple hairy muscle. He was that hyper masculine man one sees on the cover of romance novel but gay and with shorter hair. If you want the straight long haired one, Gustavio has a cousin in France named Gaston. He was a bit of an ass but was very very very good looking, but not quite as handsome of Gustavio of course who set an impossible target of male beauty just by being born. Neither of the cousins did cute but Gustavio did do cute boys —- like the flight crew on the way home. Bam!

BTW - Gustavio did everyone twice as it was that good and they had to circle Madrid for two hours while the ground crew enjoyed a siesta. Eh. It’s all good. It always works out in the end.

Ugh. Why was it said that way? Now Gustavio was horny again. There was nothing encountered in his 25 years more powerful than the need and desire to stick it in somewhere. That was hardly romantic. Gustavio knew this. If you were within 200ft that would be phrased very differently. Right now he needed to think about who he can seduce with all that. He thought it came to him for a half second just there but it was only his reflection. GRRR!

Ok. It is time to go online. Ciao!

———//———///———-///————////

ANNOUNCEMENT:

Thank you Gustavio! Go take your break. We will meet up with you again in just a few minutes.

Hey everyone this is the producer of “Gustavio LIVE” Per usual Gustavio’s sexy adventures will be live streamed for anyone with a paid or VIP membership or pass!

Your patronage is very much appreciated and how this happens. Platinum members may log on now for the pre show and hunt.

Make your bids now to choose Gustavio’s undergear and outfit for the occasion. There are new selections from three new gay designers. We know you’re going to love what you see. It’s lit!

A swimsuit selection is expected to be announced later today as the hot tub is under repair as we speak. It was a mad battle between the Armani purple string and the apple green swim thong by Charlie last week. What will go on for things to go down tonight? Log on to find out as it starts right now.

[bradandchris]

Brad and Chris' neighbor Luke was floored at Becky's comment on his choice of swimwear. It was validated by Luke. immediaely YES! Yes it WAS bananas." Quite literally tiny bananas adorned every square inch of the fabric covering his own banana and keeping it in place until of course it didn't. That would likely be whenever he took the banana swim briefs off.

It wasn't out of the realm someone else might remove them. This was Luke's annual Gay May Gay Day pool party. Anything could and has happened as evidenced by Cher's appearance the inagural year. Well, it turned out to not be Cher but in fact was Chad Michaels popping by after working a drag brunch. What was most unexpected was the random bout of mass amnesia that made novelty around a well established and consist work schedule by a pominent figure in the community even possible.

Luke then saw that twinkle in Beck's eys as she pondered while staring at his package. To preempt the question, it was not like having a tail. Luke had never had a tail himself but did particioate in puppy play with frequency.

[bradandchris]

No. No way. No how.

Brad was not going to let that bird sh*t anywhere near him. Whomever concluded that somehow the experience of bird doo on your head equated to good luck was clearly never exposed to any sort of healthy relationship.

Where was a glass tower when you needed one anyway? Every city had tons of these for birds to fly themselves into. Ok. Sure. It wasn’t an ideal solution or even a solution.l, but Brad was in a panic. Logic didn’t live here. Since America was being so irresponsible on a mass scale —- well it somehow felt appropriate in the moment for Brad to bring up the disturbing statistic of one billion very preventable bird deaths every year via glass buildings while completely losing it himself.

In the moment, the reality was that there were no glass buildings. Much of the grass to be found was at the bottom of boats as Brad found himself not near land but in a sea open water trying to get a shot of his new striped swimmers to post on Insta. He landed a sponsorship with a new label debuting a perfectly generic men’s swimwear collection and the company tapped Brad to be a spokesperson exactly where and when he needed the money for rent.

The bird seemed completely aloof to Brad’s needs, wishes, and career goals. The bird’s random movements and erratic yet seemingly intentional flight paths with no clear purpose made the whole scene exactly that. It was as the relentlessness in the blatant lack of purpose that aggravated the already aggravated situation further. It was just a terrible word in the first place and the difficulty presented in both pronunciation and spelling ironically made relentlessness even more fitting in describing what was going on. This was going to be hellish just to post about on Insta and it was why Brad pushed ‘aggravated’ so hard after the better descriptor had already come up.

Brad felt himself going off hinge.

Really?!? This bugger with wings needed to go.

Brad then made it a point to speak to the bird directly instead of just speaking to it in his head. Things were about to go full frontal. Finally verbal Brad aptly pointed out his fresh haircut and that every other possible space on the planet—- not to mention the entire sky —was available for the flying evolved dinosaur to take a crap. It was not required to poop on his head or ruin a shot. They were not life essential acts for a bird but they could be for him.

The bird kept the antics up. Brad was over it going full vocal. This time he began with its full proper name of ‘evolved dinosaur’ to ensure his authority and to gain its full attention.

Why? Just why…. Don’t you….

Oh. Thank god it’s gone.

Whew.

Fresh in the shadow of the experience, Brad unexpectedly found he innately understood why such animated creatures were referred to as ‘wildlife’.

Well, science at least got one thing correct. Brad would give it one more week.

[bradandchris]

Just The Fashion Tip #67

Keep it light for beach swimwear photos. You want sunlight not reflective light and avoid heavy lotions and oils. Believe it or not. There’s nothing sexy about sand gnats stuck in a thick layer of body oil slowly dying while the camera snaps pics of you in a $750 speedo. It hasn’t worked for anyone yet and there’s more than 8 billion of us on the planet. No one is going to be the person that could pull it off ….so just don’t. Ok?

For the record, I was that person who thought they could pull it off. Ummm. Yeah. No. That’s a very hard no.

You’re welcome.

[bradandchris]

As professional models Brad and Chris absolutely loathed the grimy outdoors and deeply appreciated Howard Fine’s indoor climate controlled private acting lessons.

[bradandchris]

Well, that solved the hammock vs chaise lounge debate between Brad and Chris that had been raging for three months regarding their indoor/outdoor living space. It also put to rest the ‘everything has already been invented ‘ debate between the pair and their equally hyper gay neighbor Luke. He was going to loooove this…. which was exactly why Brad and Chris opted for the his and his matching hammock and chaise lounge instead. They’d seen Luke’s banana enough times and when Brad and Chris finally stopped to think about it, largely without ever asking.

banana sofa

[bradandchris]

Chris didn’t fully grasp Spring Break. The season simply didn’t exist in California, a place where the cherry trees bloomed in January. What did make sense to Chris was the ‘Break’ part of the equation that offered every reason to run around in a Speedo for a week.

Did Chris buy this snazzy black and white print swimsuit plus six more as his wardrobe for spring break?!? You bet giraffe he did!

Funny enough, Chris found the animal print Speedo in the clearance section of the Speedo Plant Print Plant Factory Store while shopping with his boyfriend Brad. Apparently, the Speedo Non-Plant Animal Print Plant shares the same overstock retail space as the Speedo Plant Print Plant. Brad found this particularly exciting as it not only did it double the product offering it was yet more proof the behind the scenes non-creative people were more efficient than creative people when it came to business. Not only was there more selection and variety, the overhead savings for the Plant Print Speedo Plant and for the Non-Plant Animal Print Speedo Plant was at least 50% each.

Despite the shared savings, Chris couldn’t imagine there was much mingling between the two swimwear divisions over the lunch breaks. The nearest food establishments were the Walk Thru Tofu Salad Wok and the Texas Range BBQ Mega Maxxx Burger & Ribs. Knowing the hypothesized wasn’t going to fly with Brad, Chris pointed to the fact no one from either division of Speedo ever answered the phone and both restaurants only offered first come first serve casual dine in and online orders. There was a lot to say in all four cases indicating an obvious void of any professional creative signature for each business name. No reasonable marketer would allow such tongue twisting and over use of words. The business names were so long the receipts alone were environmental disasters.

Brad had to agree. Truly creative people would never think to use paper for printing receipts. Everyone was doing digital art. Still, Brad didn’t see how saving on receipt paper could possibly end up in a cost savings higher than the 50% saved by the Plant Print Speedo Plant and the Non-Plant Animal Print Speedo Plant sharing a space.

Chris would then offer his boyfriend an ultimatum to settle the debate once and for all. If Brad could say all four company names five times fastin immediate succession he would fully concede. Shockingly, Brad and Chris’ friend Becky chimed in from the dressing room having overheard the exchange to perfectly meet Chris’ challenge.

After a lull of silence she declared the debate over between Brad and Chris out of ‘sheer lameness’ and called for more humane and decent conversation in the public sphere. Brad and Chris then turned the conversation to how butterflies were the new ‘bees’ and dying everywhere. It wasn’t the best but at least topical and informative. There’s no word yet if the butterflies have a vaccine like the bees received. It felt likely but admittedly it was just speculation skewed by a lifetime immersed in a pervasive and sometimes toxic culture of American positivity.

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