brainstewforyou

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Ian Curtis - Joy Division

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Do you still want death or have you tasted it enough? INTERVIEW WITH THE VAMPIRE (1994) dir. Neil Jordan

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INTERVIEW WITH THE VAMPIRE (1994) dir. Neil Jordan

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ophelia thorn via IG

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Agent Provocateur | Rozlyn bra + suspender thong | Fall Winter 2019-20 Collection

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✞ 666 ✞

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The Crow (1994) - Dir. Alex Proyas

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All these traditions, jack-o’-lanterns, putting on costumes, handing out treats, they were started to protect us, but nowadays… No one really cares. Trick ‘r Treat (2009) dir. Michael Dougherty

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🖤🖤🖤

~black IS a happy color

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I'm much more happier these days. THERAPHY HAS HELPED A LOT. I've been able to open up about my childhood trauma, suicidal thoughts, sexual abuse in middle school, unhealthy coping habits, failed relationships, depression, low self esteem (not physically), and anxiety. COVID impacted my mental health as well. I've been on furlough leave since March, can't do my regular activities, and it's hard to go to the doctor. I've opened up about that too.

I really thought I was never going to be able to move on and heal from my most recent ex, who I was with for 4 years. And I had planned my entire life with him. I learned to be more honest and loyal. I messed up in the beginning (with my ex), and admit it. That was one of the many reasons we didn't work out. I've own up to it and learned from my mistakes. I learned to stop being in denial and stop committing to something that clearly won't work out. And I learned that obsessive behavior isn't healthy. I've found out what I was really looking for in the person I want to spend the rest of my life with.

Yeah it's great to vibe with someone that has the same interests as you, but it should be more than that. I want emotional availability, trust, honest communication, someone who puts in effort, be able to fight and can actually talk about the issue and find a solution, be on board and supportive of each other's goals/ dreams, someone I can open to without judgement, and someone who understands when to give space when needed (I learned that the hard way). I can't tell ya'll everything that I've done to move on and heal, but let's just say I've made stronger connections with my current friends/bffs. I also made new friends that are supportive. I've found activities and hobbies to keep me busy. AGAIN, THERAPHY. I've let go of my past. And I've stopped letting it define my future. I'm still working on the diagnosis with my therapist. I hope I'm not too deep into my shit that I'd need medication. Also I've met someone. And he's great and fits all the criteria for S/O, but I'm not rushing things. It's really refreshing when someone really wants to get to know you. And he's probably the only guy that hasn't tried getting into my pants. We're both on the same page and agree to take our time. I know people are going to say, "You just got out of a long term relationship." But hey, life puts people in your path in the most unexpected ways. Plus, my last relationship was deteriorating for a while and I just ignored the signs. Who knows what happens in life? It's ok, just live in the moment.

I'm really going to take my time with theraphy, healing, and working on being happy. During that time, I'll keep getting to know him. After I feel ready and that spark is there, we'll make it official. BUT MOST IMPORTANTLY, I'M MAKING MYSELF HAPPY. WHETHER I'M WITH SOMEONE OR NOT.

If you're going through shit, you're not alone. You can do it. It's not the end of the world. It's easier said than done, but it'll workout for the best, trust me. Be the person you want to make yourself happy.

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A Nightmare on Elm Street (1984) Directed by Wes Craven