branches-in-a-flood

[branches-in-a-flood]

Honestly it boils down to reparenting yourself & rewiring your own neuronal pathways & telling yourself a firm “stop” when you notice your mind slipping down negative loopholes & being present in the moment & enjoying being mid task rather than waiting for it to end & not thinking of inertia as your baseline and natural way of living

[branches-in-a-flood]

Goodest Thing got her Canine Good Citizen title today. She celebrated with a beef trachea, puppy ice cream, and getting hugs from her favorite trainers.

Also I am mentally drafting a message to her breeder to let her know I want another one. Pray for me.

[branches-in-a-flood]

So.

One of the trainers gave me their personal number.

And I am unsure how to proceed.

Context: took a private lesson with them to see what the black dog and I should work on for a specific title. I've taken a few classes from them and we get along well, love the same types of dogs and similar traits in our creatures (spicy and also goofy, with an abundance of braincells,) so at the end of the lesson they gave me the cell number and said to text them if I have any questions. But I already have their work email. And I'm at the training facility several times a week. So. How much reading into this is appropriate. (None. The answer is none. They are a professional and I shouldn't be confused by this!)

But since I have their number and they don't have mine and this happened a week(ish) ago, is it too late to send a "Hey, this is [Flood,] just so you have my number too" ??

[branches-in-a-flood]

Not dead, though the possibility remains.

Doing lots of dog stuff.

Currently drinking with the black dog and taking in some local bands.

Trying to talk myself into/out of reactivating a dating app.

Hooray.

[branches-in-a-flood]

Updates!

This thing:

Got another trick title, has a very real chance of getting her coursing title this weekend, and is wait listed for a barnhunt competition next month. I love her.

I am relatively seriously considering another Belgian puppy early next year. I want to say I've lost my mind, but honestly I think treating the mental illness has helped me realize what I like in life and that's working with these creatures.

The whippet gets to start barnhunt at the end of the month. I'm hoping she takes to it since she goes apeshit for squirrels and rabbits, and she needs something to do when it's too cold for dock diving.

Probably gonna continue being only intermittently active on here. Turns out I kind of enjoy not spending a lot of time on social media (feel free to DM me for contact if you want, though.)

[branches-in-a-flood]

I think it was you who put Cole Chaney's "Mercy" on my dash (to be honest, you might be the only person I follow who would, regardless), but I'm just popping in to say that I had saved the album when I saw you post about it and got around to giving it a listen. Was not expecting to love it as much as I do, but then again, you seem to have good taste 💚🌿 I hope you're doing well

Z!!

I'm willing to bet it was me 😅 I've never seen anyone else mention him. Is it not so good though? Several of the songs on there get the tears flowing, both from a storytelling point and a weird nostalgia/reminders of where I grew up. I almost went to see him live last year but didn't feel super comfortable at the venue he was in. Kinda regret it.

(I'm doing alright. Back on meds, taking an extended break from people-ing, just working, therapy, and training the dogs in a simplified life. It seems to be helping? Hope you're well, too, friend!)

[branches-in-a-flood]

Favourite Crows line(s)? 👀 🐦‍⬛

I can dream, I can try, I can follow through

Gotta fight it cause I know it's fucking killing you

Goddamn, I'm everything you think I am

Drank myself into this hole and I might need a hand

(The specific line changes depending on where I'm currently falling on the hopeful/over it scale)

[branches-in-a-flood]

God damn, my dudes. Partner and I both have jobs and you mean all of the tickets have sold since 10 am?

Fuck us, I guess.

[branches-in-a-flood]

Weird that in my decade++ in this state I have experienced two dust storms and they've both been within the past two weeks.

[branches-in-a-flood]

Anyway. You all have fun over the next few days, I need another mental health logout.

[branches-in-a-flood]

seize this contribution /// observe this contribution

[branches-in-a-flood]

seize this contribution /// observe this contribution

[branches-in-a-flood]

[branches-in-a-flood]

Oh the new doctor is gonna haaaate me.

I forgot you aren't supposed to be actually honest on the mental health questionnaires and this may be a problem.

[branches-in-a-flood]

Reblog this to ease the back pain of the person you reblogged it from

[branches-in-a-flood]

Man door hand hook car door

[branches-in-a-flood]

Post therapy rambles

(it's been a minute, hasn't it?)

Was very honest about my "listen man, if someone presented me with a button that would erase me from existence and also erase any memory that I ever existed, I would push it so hard" scenario. And then used that to pivot into my actual scary thoughts of: a) I need to move because I fucking hate it here and it destroys my mental health and b) I regret my career choice and very likely want to leave the field. We've briefly touched on these before, but not devoted much actual time to discussing them because. Holy shit. I don't have the capacity to work through all of that, and haven't for the past year+.

I feel like I haven't been in the field long enough to decide it isn't for me. I'd also have to admit I was wrong. And face the People who know me and have had this expectation of me my entire life (I'm a grown ass adult and still can't deal with disappointing them hahaha😭.) Plus my student loan debt is. Impossible. Like I can't do anything else because nothing will pay as well, without getting another degree which will put me into more debt and also I'd have to figure out another potential failure of a career. We're at the top of white collar suicides for a reason, I guess. (It's not this reason though. More the compassion fatigue and such, but Jesus do the financials and trapped feeling not help.)

We're not making any decisions until I'm back on medication and well-regulated. Perhaps I'm just incredibly dramatic about things normal humans can easily handle.

Similar issues with the where to live conundrum. I do not enjoy this area. I love having access to Dallas for concerts and events, but I can have that near(ish) any major city. Would I want to live in another area of Texas? Not likely. Another state? Which one? How do I pick? What about a different country? It wouldn't be the first time I fucked off for a while. And if I were to leave, then being in my current field would make the process much easier than if I weren't. But again. Do I want to stay?

I am fundamentally lazy these days and absolutely do not want to put in the work of figuring all of this shit out so I'm just gonna hyperventilate a while and then go to bed.

What if I just fake my death, move somewhere in Europe, and work in a bookshop under an assumed identity