#though ive been wrong before
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clumsypuppy · 8 months ago
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act 4 :(
@chipper-smol and i came to a realization
#THID FUCKING GAAAAAAAMMMMEEEEE#i have more i wanna draw but my hands not working orz.. maybe ill get around to it later idk#i finally FINALLY managed to get inside that star room.. my own clone!! now neither of us will be virgins!!!!#i dont have anything to go off of but when the journal mentions making another 'me' it reminds me of loop saying theyre like a mirror#theyre always able to read siffrins mind without actually reading their mind (or so they say) but maybe it could just be tone matching???#or smth like that.. idk if these two things are connected though so maybe its more like subtext#i hope im not the only one who made the childrens hospital joke when it came around to color lore part 2#im also getting the sinking feeling of watching siffrin toe his way near the deep end like bro is so so close to losing it#i feel like if i knew nothing abt the game beforehand and why siffrin is looping in the first place my feelings abt this would be different#cuz id be pretty angry too if ive been stuck in a loop long enough to feel like everyone around me is pretending nothings wrong#than the fact that i have decided not to disclose im in a time loop and that everyone is living this day for the first time#although i also get hes doing this for a reason and when u believe in the universe i guess it also comes with sunk cost fallacy#'this is the path the universe led me down before i even knew what i wanted so all i can do is double down' THATS THE FATALISM TALKING#puppy plays isat#in stars and time#isat#isat spoilers#isat act 3 spoilers#isat act 4 spoilers#in stars and time spoilers#sona#puppysona#friends#chipper#doodles
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funsizedcrow · 5 months ago
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When the youngest sibling becomes the oldest :)
Q&A (as asked by my sister and me to myself)
Q: Why is Time wearing his kokiri clothes while everyone else is just in smaller versions of their regular outfits?
A: Time came prepared for a situation exactly like this. shrunken or not child him is not wearing that armor (i didnt want to draw it)
Q: Why is Wind lecturing Legend?
A: He tried to grab a fire rod
Q: Why are they all children except for Wind?
A: I thought it would be funny. Maybe a wizzrobe did it. Maybe blue stalfos from oracle of ages showed up. Maybe there was an incident with Purah's de-aging rune. Who knows I'm just the artist here
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s0fter-sin · 7 months ago
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(cw non-sexual kink, cis male tiddy sucking)
nikolai takes one look at ghost - at the stiffness he holds himself with, arms held rigidly at his sides as he glares ahead, each breath carefully measured to make himself unnoticed - and knows it’s been too long since he’s checked on his boy
all it takes is a single look, catching his bruised and tired eyes, and ghost all but slumps. nikolai turns, heading towards the 141’s private rec room and he doesn’t need to hear the near-silent footsteps to know ghost’s following. he pulls him down onto the couch, bringing him into the circle of his arms even as he weakly tries to pull away
“don’t need it, nik; don’t have time…” ghost argues but it’s hollow at best
“hush, sweet one,” he soothes his halfhearted protests and thumbs his mask up above his lips. “always so nervous; so lost...”
he tugs his shirt up, showing off his belly and the heavy swell of his hairy pecs; nipples already pebbled. he cups the back of ghost’s head, his thumb brushing over his exposed jaw and ghost is helpless to follow as he gently leads him to latch onto his breast
“i have you,” he promises
no matter how big he is, in presence or in stature, nikolai is bigger; encompassing his whole body in warmth and safety, the familiar scent of cologne and motor oil filling his senses just as the heat of his tit fills his mouth
ghost’s eyes roll back and he nuzzles deeper into his chest, sinking into him and lets his mind empty as he suckles
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soap didn’t mean to. he didn’t mean to walk in on something not meant for his eyes. he just wanted to check on ghost; he’s been so distant lately, different from his usual bad days and he doesn’t know how to help him but that doesn’t mean he isn’t going to try
but he didn’t mean for this; for guilt and a heated, confused want to chase through him as he enters the rec room and realises nikolai got to ghost first
realises they’re not just necking on the couch; that ghost’s lips are pressed tight to nikolai’s furred breast and not moving away, a gentle hollow thinning his exposed cheeks as he sucks, his throat softly bobbing as he swallows
nikolai’s cupping the back of his head, fingers drifting through the blonde hair at the nape of his neck and he looks so fond; like there’s nowhere he’d rather be than on their broken in couch with ghost curled around his body, sucking what must be a deep ache into his tit.
then nikolai looks up at him, frozen in the doorway and soap-
soap runs
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nikolai gives soap a few days before he tries to talk about it; gives him a chance to come to terms with what he's seen. it's almost adorable; how deep soap’s flush grows when he sees him, how he stumbles over his words and can’t quite make eye contact
but it also tugs at him that he feels the need to shrink, to brace himself from whatever punishment he thinks is headed his way; shoulders hunching in, arms wrapped almost defensively around his body before finding whatever excuse he can to run from him
run from himself
he wishes he could wait for soap to come to him but he knows lost boys and their fear of coming in from the cold
nikolai keeps himself gentle as he uses his bulk to corner soap; stopping him from running but also using it to show how easily he could hide in him if he just let himself give in. if he let him take care of him the same way he takes care of ghost
"but... but it's wrong," soap whispers, fingers tangling with a gold cross at the hollow of his throat (a cross so similar to one he’d melted down all those years ago), but he speaks with such clear longing; eyes wide where he stares up at him, all but begging to be told otherwise and it almost breaks nikolai's heart
"no, lovely boy," he denies softly and soap shudders as he cups his face and backs him up against the corner; hugged by both walls and nikolai himself. "there is nothing more natural."
he caresses soap's cheek. he feels him shake under his touch, his eyes already growing dewy, and chances drifting his fingers over his bottom lip. soap's breath hitches and he looks up at him with so much fear - so much trust - and hesitantly opens his mouth to let them sink inside
nikolai doesn't press them too deep, doesn't threaten his throat, but they are thick and wide; filling his mouth and comfortably weighing down his tongue
with a small, involuntary moan, soap closes his lips around his fingers and nikolai catches him with his body as he goes limp. he coos as he starts sucking; wrapping his other arm around his head and brings him into his body, hidden and safe and small
"my good, lovely boy," he whispers and soap lets out a cracked whimper. "you are not wrong."
he isn't ready yet, much the same way ghost wasn't ready at first. but feeling soap tremble and suckle at his fingers, nikolai knows he'll soon have another boy tucked safe to his breast
#soap thinking it’s wrong not bc nikolai and ghost are men (though that’s part of it)#but bc he knows the church would see it as a bastardisation of the virgin mary#the mother feeding christ; the ultimate act of care and love#and it must be a perversion; it must be a twisted imitation of something pure#right?#it cant be something genuine; pure; bc if ghost can have it… does thst mean he can too?#soap desperate for such comfort and acceptance; things he thinks he’ll never receive#bc he knows he’ll never be worthy of such things#never devout enough; never loyal enough; never well behaved enough#shaming his family and his church along with it every time he opened his mouth#he constantly chases this elusive ‘good enough’; always forced himself to be better; stronger; /perfect/#bc then it will mean he’ll have earned it right? he’ll be given the love he’s always yearned for but always fell short of#and nikolai who was raised russian orthodox? all he can see is a burnt out reflection of himself#he recognises the same longing he used to feel before he realised he will never be enough for them#that they want him to be a man he will despise and even then he’ll still be denied the comfort he wanted#and he doesnt want that; for ghost or soap#he’ll give them everything they want and more until they understand everything they deserve#we’re a team. ghost team#coming out of my cage and ive been doing just fine.txt#nikolaighost#nikghost#nikolai x ghost#niksoap#nikolaisoap#nikolai x soap#cod nikolai#simon ghost riley#ghost cod#john soap mactavish#soap cod
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gin-juice-tonic · 8 months ago
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me: I dont think I really have many memories from when I was five
also me: i remember the entire plot of the avatar episode "The King of Omashu" from when it first aired on tv in march of 2005
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itadooori · 3 months ago
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yea i rewatched the s1 finale. did a lil doodle about it
#GODDD I NEED MORE PPL TO TALK ABOUT IL-NAM AND GI-HUN'S FINAL CONVERSATION#and i need them to like actually pay attention this time#stg its one of the more misunderstood scenes of the series#ive seen some people seeing it as a clash of two totally valid ideologies when like#no one of these things is clearly wrong. characters can have flawed logic even if they SOUND convincing#il-nams so fuckin good at manipulating that hes manipulated the audience NOOOO#people got too convinced that il-nam was in the right when he said 'well people came back on their own accord'#as if we didnt have an episode explicitly showing us the characters very shitty lives outside of the games#that forced them back into them#as if we werent explicitly shown gi-huns situation in great detail in e1 that landed him in the games in the first place#also i do NOT agree with any kinda sentiment that gi-hun is 'just as bad as the VIPs' for playing that game w/ il-nam#i mean. the dude was clearly reeling from the fucking BETRAYAL HES EXPERIENCING>??#and also il-nam is very manipulative as i said before. i think he was good at redirecting their interaction so that in the moment gi-hun >#> kinda forgets could ditch il-nam and go outside n save the homeless man himself#<- not really perfectly worded but i hope yall get what i mean#plus in s1 it was shown that gi-hun could sometimes not think ahead or clearly#especially when his emotions are running high#like. idk. when he realizes the man hes grieved and felt immense guilt over for a year is actually an evil ass rich dude who orchestrates >#> the mass murder of people in debt#god i am one PETTY ASS BITCH cuz i will NOT LET THIS GO#anyways. i just think that il-nams betrayal is just so so fucked because i was really Thinking about it as i rewatched the ep and#gi-hun likely grieved il-nam the same way he grieved the other friends he had in the games. he probably saw him in his nightmares too.#remembered how he'd hugged him even though gi-hun had been tricking him#(SIDE NOTE. ITS FUCKED THAT ONLY THE EVIL OLD MAN HAS HUGGED GI-HUN. CAN SOMEONE WHO ISNT EVIL BE NICEYS TO HIM.)#all of that. all of that grief and all of that love. what does it even mean now.#gi-hun is embarrassed hes been made a fool of hes angry hes heartbroken#squid game#seong gi hun#my art#doodle
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hypogryffin · 1 year ago
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Your art is so flipping pretty, and I just adore how you style all of the persona characters! But my question is, are there any other fandoms/works of art that you want to post or start rambling about? I hope you have a lovely day! (o゜▽゜)o☆
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you can have those?
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on-this-day-mcr · 2 years ago
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On this day, November 26
In 2001: Frank Iero released "Heartbreak in Stereo", the first and only studio album released by the band "Pencey Prep" (🖤)
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Stream "Heartbreak in Stereo" here!
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aroaceleovaldez · 11 months ago
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So, in your last post about the Percy Jackson TV show, I felt you lacked a few pieces of information/points. While it is true that the CGI in the film is pore and not constructed well, please note that while they have a large budget Disney has made a lot of restrictions to the show. In the original scrips there was a significantly larger amount of violence that would have needed more CGI. This was latter edited out of the script due to both restrictions and budget cuts for other parts in the show(sadly). Also to bring into prospective Sea of monsters the movie was made 10 years ago. Inflation has juristically affected the way money is used in films. Another thing to note is typically movie budgets are less than TV shows because they only are filming for one larger block of time. TV however they can take years meaning the acters need to be paid even for the time off set. This is not to say movies cannot take years, but it is to show that TV shows are filmed longer. I would also like to say I am genuinely not trying to be rude or unkind about your opinion and thoughts on the subject. I am just someone who has a different insight into the topic because of the things I know about the topic (I myself, am an actor and for the most part I think this is why the CGI was not the best as well as some of the script work). 
I did actually calculate inflation for Sea of Monsters versus the PJO TV show. We know the PJO TV show allegedly had a budget of $12-15 million per episode. For comparison, this is the type of budget Disney+ usually uses for stuff like The Mandalorian. I was doing a generous underestimate for the entire season which comes out to $96mil (12mil per episode x 8 episodes). Sea of Monsters' budget was 90mil. Here's that inflation:
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So lil over $120mil. Going for a top estimate for s1 of the show (15x8) that's $120mil. And as far as I'd heard that may also not include stuff like budget for casting for the show. They are still roughly in similar ballparks.
Regardless of this - as an animator, i can tell you there is no excuse for that wonky CGI trident other than it being extremely quickly done. That's literally a transform error, like ctrl+t type stuff. That is a lazy and cheap trident, probably because Disney notoriously overworks and cheaps out with their CGI. The CGI problems in the show are majority because Disney's being cheap about it. This shows in nearly all the CGI in every episode.
If they had to remove violence from the script and so remove CGI scenes with it, then theoretically they should have more room in the budget for more or better CGI where it already is in the show. That money doesn't just vanish. Changing that in the script gives them less of an excuse, actually.
Also, as i mentioned in my previous post - if you don't want to CGI hydrokinesis, don't pick the franchise where the main character's defining power is hydrokinesis. If you can't have much violence, DON'T PICK THE GREEK MYTHOLOGY SERIES WHERE THE MAIN CHARACTER BEHEADS TWO PEOPLE IN THE FIRST BOOK AND IT ONLY GETS BLOODIER FROM THERE. You cannot have PJO without some level of violence. It's kind of very inherent to the series. Rick actually talks in his original Teaching Guide for The Lightning Thief about how, in argument against attempts to ban TLT (in this specific instance for "being too violent"), that monsters in the books poof into golden dust for a reason, because then they haven't "died." There is no blood. They can and will come back. Because it's fantasy. That is the excuse for all the violence. Of which there otherwise technically is a lot of.
If you are doing live action PJO you are going to have to have some amount of violence (and there is absolutely a level that is perfectly suitable for a PG13 audience. The show right now is leagues below that level. PG13 just means parental guidance for under 13 - this majority has to do with concerns about children under 13 replicating behavior on-screen. Past 13 kids know better than to do that, which is why that rating is a thing. There are plenty of film/media/etc that are way more gory and violent and are still PG13). You are going to have to CGI monsters/creatures to some degree regularly (alongside demigod powers like Percy's hydrokinesis even more regularly). And between those two things, characters are going to have to look like they're physically interacting with the CGI at times. Disney is capable of doing this. Disney does have the budget for this for the show. They're not doing it because they're being cheap. Disney has done this before and does it regularly. This is not anything new. It entirely has to do with CGI not having as many unions. They have no excuses. If they didn't expect to run into these problems then they clearly did no planning for what adapting the series would entail and didn't think at all of what the series actually featured before diving into it. And they have no excuse for that! That is step one!
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whatimdoing-here · 1 month ago
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When I started my current position, basically all of my immediate coworkers were in the US. Probably over 20 or 30 of us. We added one in Europe to cover that time zone.
Then we got bought out a few years ago and slowly... Now there are me and 2 others in the US (near me), 1 in Canada. 1 in England, the rest in India.
One of the not fun things about that is logging on at 730 am and having a full inbox, and people who still can't figure out how to their job asking to talk on the phone.
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gibbearish · 10 months ago
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every time i see discourse about fundraisers go by on here im just fully struck with the realization that not a single one of you people have either taken a cybersecurity fraud prevention course or bothered to take one singular second to consider the website youre on. this is the broke bitches website. none of us can afford to fund our mutuals' grocery bills, much less entire evacuation funds, and CERTAINLY not FAKE evacuation funds taking advantage of genocide victims. all this shit abt how people are deliberately choosing not to fund every post that passes their dash because they hate palestinians literally just does the work of actual scammers for them by laying the high-pressure sales tactics groundwork, and the "do you guys have any idea how hard it is to keep coming up with new attention-grabbing fundraiser posts?" ones just ring EXTREMELY hollow because YEAH! YEAH I DO! and so does everyone i follow! and everyone they follow! because all of us are FUCKING BROKE and surviving on crumbs! i just saw one that said "i make sure to keep $40 in my wallet at all times so i can give $20 to any panhandlers i see, this is the same" and its like!! good for you, thats very nice, but like!!! you need need NEED to take a step back and realize that /being able to do that/ is a position of privilege, not the default setting to be a good person. i wont discount that some people do ignore fundraisers specifically because of racism because Of Course, but like. a) yelling at them isnt gonna make them stop, or more accurately yelling at /everyone else/ isnt gonna make those people stop, and b) trying to apply that as a blanket motivation for everyone just. realistically doesnt work. not donating is a nonaction, it is the literal default status, and while in specific situations you can use CONSISTENT absence of SPECIFIC actions to track a person's motivations SOMETIMES, broadly speaking that just. doesnt work.
there are 8 billion people on this planet. most of them will never know you exist. of the ones that do, most will not be able to help you. of the ones that can, most will not be on the broke bitches website passing the same communal $20 around. consider your audience and stop shitting on fellow poor people for having the gall to need to be careful with their money. and if you are genuinely only posting your fundraiser to tumblr, like. im sorry, but you need to anticipate not reaching your goal and prepare accordingly. theres a reason the last big scam scandal people talk about actually getting the money is like. all-or-nothing era, as a website none of us have the funds to make that kind of thing happen anymore or the security to risk it. a fundraiser not meeting its goal on here is not a personal sleight against whoever made it, its just how life goes sometimes. and it's unfair and it sucks and we should help however we can, but. sometimes you just arent able to help someone else, and continuing to feel responsible serves only to torture yourself. and blaming OTHERS serves only to move that guilt from yourself off onto another person. i imagine that has to be where a lot of the vitriol comes from, is people who cant afford to donate more getting pissed at people they see as having the funds but choosing not to share them, but again, sometimes you just are not able to achieve the goals you set out towards, through no fault of the specific parties involved.
people on tumblr choosing to buy groceries rather than potentially donate to a scam are not your enemy and are not the ones facilitating a genocide. we're all victims of the same horrific system, the question is just how that system manifests its influence on each of us. poverty kills just as thoroughly as a bomb. everyone is just doing their best to survive, and as much as we like to pretend that everyone should be a perfect selfless angel that puts others before themselves no matter what, humans are by default a selfish species, and it is a lot easier to say what youd do in theory than actually do it. and there's a reason you have to put on your own oxygen mask before helping the person beside you, youre of no help to anyone if youre too dead to do anything.
#origibberish#and inb4 someone goes 'are you saying poverty is as bad a situation as GENOCIDE' be so fucking fr with me i s2g#yall know thats not what i mean so if we can just skip the part where we pretend you dont and quibble about semantics thatd be great#also ive seen multiple posts being like 'i cant believe yall are saying EVERY FUNDRAISER FROM PALESTINIANS is a scam' which#uh. no one was saying that?#people were saying that. some scammers were using the genocide as their scam? which. is true? there have been? several confirmed?#like. most arguments in this i can see where theyre coming from but that just. literally is inaccurate#i cant even call it disingenuous even though it clearly is because thats just. so far off of what literally anyone was saying that i have#trouble interpreting it as anything other than a deliberate exaggeration to stir emotional responses.#like. ive said before i see little value in going 'zomg a psyop!!' but that more than anything made me be like#if there was anyone on this website i had to pick to be running a scam using palestine as a cover it would be that person. because just. how#the fuck do you get that interpretation unless youre deliberately trying to emotionally manipulate people into not using#their critical thinking skills to determine scams from real fundraisers.#oh also the posts being like 'even if some are scams‚ so what? you should still risk it'#like genuinely if you have shared that one i have 0 respect for you. like that just. is not how things work in the real world when you#need money to survive.#and when the stakes are 'help save someone from genocide or help someone taking advantage of genocide victims' like.#you really cant see why people would be a little nervous abt that without it being some deep seated personal hatred?#you cant see why picking the wrong one there might weigh on a person?#just. idk. ppl on here need to get better at trying to see others' perspectives i think
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angorataurry · 6 months ago
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vvvery well then ill come off anon, feel free to block me as you see fit
i said it because even if we dont interact anymore, i hate seeing people get kicked when theyre down. i cant stand bullying and i cant stand condescending bullshit directed at people who dont deserve it. it wasnt a waste of time because any time a person is getting hurt and they dont deserve it, i step in. i dont care if it was my business or not. it wasnt a waste of time because you still deserve to be treated with respect.
ill say it as many times as i have to but you really dont deserve the hatred you receive. everyone in that server kept telling you that we never hated you but you kept believing we did to the point where it felt like you were making us out to be the bad guys. it was incredibly unhealthy on both sides. we hoped that if we just stayed moots with you on tumblr that itd be okay and that you could distance yourself as much as you needed to so that it wouldnt be so overwhelming.
i see that that probably wasnt really issue but possibly several other things. if you want to stop posting content related to alnst then so be it. thats your decision. we will dwell on you because youre an amazing person and there are many fond memories with you and your characters. if you dont want to participate in any of the fan seasons, including sona season, then we will make adjustments for you. whatever you want to do with your characters is completely up to you.
thank you for being a beautiful and wonderful being, and i hope that whatever you choose to do, you do it in good conscience. we dont want to push or annoy you any further than we might be doing (sorry, genuinely. i really do care about you tbf.) but we also just want you to be happy.
/gen, /lh, and /withlove.
- zen (papa, if youre still willing to call me that /nf)
It was you -!!! (Geno sans, CPAU comic dub voice) ((I knew itt.. you do stand up for others and are more vocal about being ..indunno but I guess yk inna way, just the way you typed it (sorry if that's ..weird/creepy), the way that you confront others and such .much braver ig, since you take action a lot))
Sorry for making it seem like I was making y'all the bad guys. Didn't mean to, and honestly shouldn't have done that- that was wrong of me from the start. Though, now I don't think I can remember- well. Given how it was like. Two months ago now? And I do forget a lot so- ...sorry for unfollowing as well (tho I know that no matter the amount of me saying sorry will ever fix things up since I avoid what happened/etc..)
I don't really think I can stop posting alnst/alnst oc content. I'm in too deep, in three gc (AREPH, Setup and Takedown, and then Toxic ysosu)— I have an Au (you probably know or maybe not; Sonic.exe like au, I'm mainly focusing on the hypothetical 3d game in the universe that happens in 2035, called Mor. I remember asking you for permission, but then again.. gah. Fucking sorry for putting onna invisible time limit to the question, as said- for almost everything I've done since I was in the series(what I call servers now) and out of it.... Though you did say we don't talk anymore, and so like. Yeah- haven't answered my question- tho ITS TOTALLY NORMAL! FINE! Just slightly weird?? That like. Just recently you came here to like. Ig cheer me up? When I was "kicked down even more". Tho it is .you. You did say that you can't stand what they have said to me and what/who they were referring to, which is interesting but I won't bother you with anything i have to say) — I still have a lot more to show (so many hidden characters and hidden lore) and post,, and I've been going back to writing like. Flor's lore, and getting some basic ideas down. Besides, I still can't stop thinking of the ocs and such.. as ..said..... I'm in too deep (was basically here from the start.. before s39 was even s39.....ah..kills the wall). And it's not leaving me anytime soon, since I always have thoughts- ideas and such. <- this is what 50+ OCS does to a person
I still have OCS, in the seasons. I still have OCS I want to work on and expand on.
Besides, Eddy and Sebastian have a very close bond. Flor, Oli, Dian, Faisal, and their other siblings are well. Siblings. Four of them don't belong to me. I have OCS in romantic relationships with others, and all of that. I can't just .. abandon it all honestly.
For the Sona Season, I think I'm like. Basically disqualified though? Before I did whatever I did, I kinda did ask to be in round1 so things can end faster for my sona. But then again. <- is a whiny person. <- impatience, which is wrong. <- generally a ""ugly"" one. So I just decided to do what I did in the server basically— and just leave the Garden & Stage thing. ..tbh I did do a song-comic, but I doubt you want to see anything I do now (NOT trying to make you see what I do. Waste of time. And again in the previous ask you sent you used past tance and so that practically means that we are thru, huh? Along with us not talking to each other besides those two asks you sent to this blog..along with the Seb song. But I don't think that you and the others don't want to touch anything made by me or are related to me! Which I totally get)
You all have NEVER annoyed me or pushed me, at all (only ever asked me for some small things, or actually nothing at all). IM the one who's annoyed and pushed you all (too many ideas, too many posts I've tagged as ocs- I've tagged y'all in, etc etc. basically at those times and still now, it's just me talking to a wall). It's.. stupid to apologize for what I've been doing the most.
Also don't .. apologize for caring actually. I don't know what to say, or have anything to say besides that.. still can't fucking believe that you are still. That you still allow me the chance to call you papa...stupid of me to have mentally clocked the community as a family(ish?only a few) to me. since it ended up with me being .not continuing that sentence. but yeah, really stupid of me to have you all as family when we ended up like this.which is unhealthy as you said! What type of friendship is like person A: your my friend! / Person B: (you are like a sibling to me. You are family.) ???? Certainly not a working healthy one. Because I became so very impulsive when .not finishing that either.
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frecht · 3 months ago
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2025 is looking like Year of Concerts. if i can get my dad on board for this
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lady-caden · 19 days ago
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Tbh i think I'm aro/ace and maybe that's why relationships are so whatever for me and that's why I have a hard time telling between platonic vs romantic. Or at least I'm somewhere on the aro/ace spectrum
#rambles#i think i just really dont want to think about this because i the fact i dont really like sex#like i really wish i did and i hate that I don't have the same feelings as others#im like. basically ashamed of it and so I just wanna deny#like literally don't know hwo to accept being ace but chat. maybe ive gotta#idk like being in a relationship is fine. i can doneithout being touched all the time but im also fine with it#and that goes for pretty much much everything involved in the relationship#but im also just nervous that im wrong and that i just didnt like the sex ove had with my partners cuz i wasnt actually like.#sexually into them (because i think i might just be into women or mostly anyway)#but its even harder cuz i cant even think on my past relationship because my ex reallyyy started to gross me out 😭#they were also just. a dick and demeaned me all the time#literally such a sucky relationship why did i do that to myself. i really kept trying to convince myself everything was fine 💀#oh wellll im going to actually have standards now and im not going to date someone whos incapable of doing like. anything by themself 🙄#i just feel i have to try to be mor honest with myself with what i want#but so many times i feel what i want is to please my partner#like not even just sexually but that as well#and i thought this was mostly fine esp since idc about sex i can pretty much match my partners libido#its not like im saying yes when i wouldve said no. i just am chill with it esp cuz i view sex as more of a bonding activity#idk but then i feel like i always put all my past partners pleasure before my own which i was doing because i thoguht i didnt care about se#but maybe that in of itself is why im not enjoying it?? i mean i think that could be a piece but def not entirely true#idk ive only been with 3 ppl so maybe i just need to relax and chill out#i dont even care about having a partner like that i just feel so many ppl around me care about my dating life though 😭😭#like i have a great community of friends and i much perfer our activities over the ones that are expected in a romantic relationship#idk. but then i think i might just actually be into women because at least thinking about sex in that context seems a bit more enjoyable#idk ill date if i find it fun. and not just because someone moved in with me and then confesses 💀#like that put me in such a weird position where I really felt like i was cornered kinda into saying yes and then just went with it#man maybe im too 'go with the flow' 💀#never again!!!#anyways im willing to chat on this. i love my moots yall always message me such kind things <3#oops theres like a million typos on here. whatever im dyslexic i dont rlly care either its just tags💀
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greyedian · 5 months ago
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google search how to talk about a character without feeling like a dumb stupid fucking idiot
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dragons-and-yellow-roses · 8 months ago
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I gravitate towards jobs and such in which I make decisions, and prefer to live alone which comes with many decisions, and then do creative hobbies that require me to make so many decisions, and I thought "Huh, decisions are hard, what would a nice day without decisions look like?" And then I realized I just meticulously planned out a whole day of no decisions by just making the decisions beforehand.
#im so tired of decisions#rn im pretty new at my job so not too many decisions but still aome stuff i have to do independently#but my last job was so many decisions. i coordinated so much and if i did it wrong evryone hated me#and before that i was a shift lead#and for the last four years at summer camp ive been an area director#and this year i applied for an office position which is even hugher than area director#and im trying to move out of my parents house which comes with so many decisions#why do i keep doing this to myself#i like leadership and independence too fucking much and then im burnt out on it#and i would love just one day in which i didnt have to make any decisions#unfortunately i know myself and i know that someone else would not make the right decisions#so i want to make the decisions beforehand#and then someone else just executes the decisions for me. if that makes sense#like i want to tell someone 'tomorrow we will wake up at 9am and go get coffee. i want aan iced mocha#after that we'll go to target and get a quick lunch at qdoba. one hour after lunch i would like an iced caramel coffee#i would like to drink this coffee while we go on a walk along the lake#then id like to go home and knit for two hours. you may do something in the same space but it has to be quiet and non-distracting#then we will have such a late dinner. pizza unless you are willing to cook one of the three things i am always okay with#then i will peruse my phone until midnight. then i will sleep#i want to lay that all out for someone snd then they facilitate it#like they just know 'okay its 9am get up we're going for coffee.' 'alright its midnight put down your phone for sleeps'#all damn day they just do the decisions for me. even though i already made them so i know they were made right#idk if that makes sense. im just so tired#i was laying in bed before sleeping and decided to plan my perfect day of no decisions#and realized that it was not decision-free because i had just made every decision#did i mention how tired i am
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djarinova · 1 year ago
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i had such a successful day today omgg ˃ᴗ˂ i dyed my hair, the jeans i ordered on thurs came and they fit me perfectly and i did some writing!! and to top it all off me and my boyfriend got takeaway pizza for dinner!! tehe
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