breadandjamsforfrances

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some henren for pride month<3

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Aisha Hinds as Henrietta "Hen" Wilson 9-1-1, S01E05

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do you ever think about what happened between steve pulling bucky out of the water in civil war to bucky waking up with his arm in that vice? how to steve, seconds felt like hours and hours felt like days; waiting, waiting, waiting, for his best friend to wake up. waiting, waiting, waiting, for his best friend to forget him all over again.

steve didn’t know what bucky would remember after he passed out. he didn’t know if bucky would wake up as the winter soldier or the wartime soldier he grew up and and shared a battlefield with. all he knew was that in those seconds that felt like hours, those hours that felt like days, he had him. he held him, sat with him, breathed the same air as him. steve would have watched over bucky the way a dog watches over her sleeping owner and he would have felt the most at home he’s felt since he came out the ice.

remember: steve hasn’t touched bucky beyond a fist to his jaw in 70 years, but now? he’s right in front of him; not just tangible but indisputable.

do you ever think about that? or is it just me?

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911 pride icons ⟡

⟡ like/reblog if using.

⟡ credits not needed, but appreciated.

⟡ happy pride 🏳️‍🌈

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I wanted to write this on the off chance it makes certain people reconsider their harassment of LFJ, particularly the people who are tagging him in comments about his family.

This month the Ferrigno children had to testify in court against their own father, on behalf of their incapacitated mother. Their mother had to take out a DV restraining order against their father in the early days of her dementia diagnosis. Their father has totally cut her off financially, leaving her kids to fully support the round the clock in-home care she needs.

I also wanted to share that Mama Ferrigno is a badass. She was assaulted by Bill Cosby and came out publicly to support survivors in a video. She defended her children from her abusive husband for years. What's happening to her now is appalling and she, and her children, deserve better. And that includes not having randos on the internet saying awful shit about her and tagging her son in it because of a TV show.

The entire situation is fucking horrible and I don't talk about it because we shouldn't need to bring up people's personal lives to try and stop harassment, people should just be kind. But it is good to remind others that even though it's "just the internet" you don't know what someone might be going through at any given moment.

We need to stop sending threats and off the wall accusations to people we know nothing about. It's one thing to comment about a blatant homophobic or racist take, but it's completely unacceptable to just @ someone randomly on a Tuesday and tell them to go kill themselves.

And I appreciate you, Annie for typing this all up for people to read and maybe change but I'm afraid that the handful of people we're still dealing with are too immature and hateful to give a shit about anyone other than themselves.

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I just think. In wake of finding out that Ryan and the director decided to make the 8x17 argument scene physical without telling Oliver. And knowing that Lou talked the first kiss down from a makeout to the gentle kiss because he didn't want it to be agressive and made sure he and Oliver talked boundaries the night before. Knowing that when you slow down Buck and Tommy's make out you see Oliver and Lou exchanging nods before a particularly hard and messy kiss-a silent check in. You see Oliver's hand hovering, perhaps because he wants to tangle it in Lou's hair but knows he injured his skull a few months ago and there could be lingering tenderness.

And now we're hearing the warmth Oliver speaks about Lou with after a solid year of everyone speaking for him.

I just think. Maybe Lou is Oliver's own little piece of Tommy. Maybe in a world-a set- where we know working conditions are shitty, Lou prioritizes care and communication for Oliver, and does it just as easily as Tommy does it for Buck.

(And maybe Oliver doesn't know what to do with it other than keep it quiet because he knows if he shares photos, talks about it, the fandom will think it's theirs to comment on, and it's not)

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ok but bucktommy post s8 reconciliation where buck can’t find a new place on such short notice and he has to put all of his stuff in storage so he ends up at a shitty motel while he keeps looking for something permanent (since he can’t really afford anything else on top of the unit for his stuff) and it just happens by sheer ✨coincidence✨ that its not too far from where tommy lives....

so they bump into each other at the grocery store pretty quickly, and in buck's defense, he wasn't trying to run into tommy. he specifically picked a grocery store in his neighbourhood they'd never been to together to make sure that wouldn't happen. he doesn't want to come across as stalker-y, it's just the best deal he could find on a storage unit is just around the corner and he figured it'd be easier to have a room somewhere nearby in case he needs something he's packed, right ? but of course, tommy's usual grocery store is out of the specific brand of oat milk he likes because it steams better with the type of espresso machine he has so... here they are, awkwardly staring at each other in the snack aisle.

and when tommy finds out eddie's staying in la and buck's given him the house back (because of course he did even though he has rights as a subletter; he has a heart of gold and a savior complex the size of jupiter) and he's essentially homeless, the first thing that slips out of his mouth is "wow, i really can't imagine you without a kitchen." because tommy has so many soft and fond memories of evan cooking, of evan's kitchen specifically (the way his lips parted in a silent gasp after tommy kissed him for the first time in the open space, the countless of meals they shared together after long shifts, even evan's eager impulsiveness when he asked tommy to move into his tiny loft when tommy's house has been paid for for years now...), because he knows how much of a tether it was in his relationship with bobby, because he knows it's such a way for him to express his love....

and buck? buck looks a little uncomfortable and sad at the reminder, but he brushes it off and says it's not a big deal (pretends it's not a big deal). tommy can see through it of course, mostly because buck wears his feelings beautifully on his face, but also because even after everything, tommy likes to think he still knows this man. but he's not about to force evan to open up between the chips, the salted nuts and the sodas so says: "rights, of course, at least you have the firehouse kitchen, right? you can cook there." which seems to be the worst thing he could have possibly said because buck looks fully downtrodden now, his hands tightening on his grocery basket, filled with cereal and nuts and all types of easy snacks, not a fresh produce in sight, and tommy can tell there's something deeply wrong (of course there is, bobby's gone, things might never be right for evan ever again) and buck clearly doesn't want to talk about it.

but tommy can't help but push a little because he's wanted to check up on him for weeks now and kept chickening out, kept telling himself evan doesn't want to have to deal with his ex boyfriend right now, not when he's just lost the man who helped him grow into who he is, who helped him settle into himself, the man he called the father he never had..... so tommy asks. "are you not cooking at the firehouse?"

and buck stiffens a little, because the truth is no, no he isn't. he tried a bunch, he really did, but even after chimney's big speech, even after he got the cap title, even after eddie's return, even though they all said they're a family and they're gonna stick together through this.... they're all.... scattered. it's the word buck keeps thinking about. like leaves in the wind, carried away from him by forces stronger than him, by life and it's ups and downs, all of them busybusybusy, preoccupied, hurting... and buck doesn't blame them. he doesn't. but he tried to cook family dinner twice since eddie came back and he never wants to feel the ice cold trickle of rejecting spreading beneath his sternum, down to his toes, when they all grabbed a plate and walked off into their own little bubbles, thank you buck! thrown over their shoulders absently, bobby's absence like a stab wound in his gut that no one could see....

so.

"no. i, uh.... no, i'm not really cooking at the firehouse."

tommy looks surprised, shocked really, and he's truly so wonderfully expressive when you actually know him. his eyes in particular, radiating compassion and sadness, not pity, never pity, and buck really wishes he could burrow there. or in the place where his neck meets his shoulder, just hide there for a while, just until the world stops spinning.

"it's okay. i mean, family dinners aren't really the same without –" and buck can't quite say it, but tommy gets it, he does, and he reaches for him, fingers soft on buck's elbow, a silent show of support. "and to be honest, it hasn't quite felt right to cook just for me, so," buck adds, lifting his basket where tommy can also spy a few packets of ramen.

and it's that sad sight more than anything else that has him blurt: "you can cook at my place, if you want. i mean, if you need."

evan looks surprised, eyes widening like he can't believe it. "really?" he asks, a little eager, and tommy shrugs, as charmed by this man now as he was when they met over a year ago.

"yeah, i mean.... my kitchen misses you," tommy says, softly. i miss you. i miss you. i miss you. it plays over and over in the back of his head, in a loop. it has since the day he walked away, but it's not the right time.

tommy wants to do this this again, wants to be honest about his feelings, wants to tell evan he's in love with him and that it scares him to death, but not being together scares him even more. but evan's entire life just fell apart and tommy isn't going to be the asshole who swoops into the wreckage trying to play romantic hero.

but this? offering him a place where evan can be, can express himself, his love, his grief, without expectations, without assumption that it'll mean anything for them? that tommy can do.

and buck smiles, bashful, because he can read between the lines, and he's too much in too little time – a father, a close-knit family, a best friend it feels at times – not to be recklessly hopeful when he can. so he says: "well, i miss your kitchen too."

and tommy smiles that scrunchy smile buck loves so much, eyes crinkling, and they're gonna need to use their words, so many words, but not yet.

besides, buck knows what tommy means, when he looks at him all soft and relieved like that and says, deadpan and snark as ever: "what a coincidence!"

buck moves in three days later.

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omgg???

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tommy kinard should be allowed to say fuck on our screens

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I think what I’m most baffled by is the outcry of “what have they done to Eddie??!” As if his behavior isn’t perfectly in keeping with how he’s been for the entire series. From how he treated Shannon in season 2 to cage fighting instead of grieving to quitting and lashing out at Bobby after he was shot. That’s not even touching on how many times he’s accused Buck of “making it all about you”. What we saw in 8x17 might have been more egregious, but it wasn’t at all out of character.

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If you're reading this you need to tell me the name of your favorite black character NOW‼️

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8.17 fix it/canon divergent

"Eddie," Tommy says, and he sounds like he does at work. Firm. Calm. He's navigated helicopters through much worse than this. Raging storms and hurricanes. "Eddie, step away."

Eddie whips around, head snapping at him, eyes angry. Finger still pointed. Nostrils flaring. Buck is looking wide eyed. The tension in the air is palpable. Thick and heavy. "What are you doing here?" Eddie asks sharply and Tommy raises an eyebrow. Holds up the empty food containers. After the funeral, they'd all eaten at Hen's place. Buck had brought food for everyone. No one had really eaten anything. But it'd been nice, regardless. Or well, as nice as it gets when your captain dies and you have to do normal things after his funeral, such as eating and sleeping. Tommy had stayed behind to help Hen clean up. Had promised to drop off the food containers at Buck's.

So here he is. Backdoor wasn't shut and he walked in on Buck's face twisting into shame and grief and guilt and Eddie's raised voice.

Tommy puts the containers on the counter. Tries to meet Evan's eyes. It's charged in here. Tommy feels his stomach knot at the way Evan curls in on himself. Something isn't right. "Just came to bring these back," Tommy says, and then finally Evan looks back at him. "You okay?" Tommy asks.

Eddie scoffs, crossing his arms. “He’s fine. We're okay. Buck doesn't need you.” Buck shifts uncomfortably. “Eddie, come on…”

But Eddie ignores him, stepping closer to Tommy. “You’re not part of this team. You don’t know what we’ve been through.” It's a grief response, probably. Eddie is hot headed. Can be arrogant and mean. Buck's mentioned it jokingly before but it doesn't seem funny now. Nothing about it is fucking funny.

Tommy meets Eddie's gaze, unyielding. "I’m just here for Evan.”

Buck pushes past Eddie and towards Tommy and Tommy can see it in his tense shoulders, his set jaw. He's going to cry. And he definitely doesn't want Eddie to see right now. Whatever their argument was about, he needs to get out of here. "You wanted to catch that movie, right?" Evan says, voice brittle and sharp and he pointedly ignores Eddie. Tommy doesn't even blink. He touches the small of Evan's back. "Yeah," he says gently. "We're running late, come on."

Evan doesn't say anything on the drive. He stares down at his phone and bites his lip, and then out of the window and then back at his phone again. Fiddles with the seam of his jeans. Bounces his leg. At a red light stop, Tommy reaches over. Places his hand on Evan's thigh. Evan stills underneath his palm. Outside it's starting to rain. Drizzle, really. "My place okay?" Tommy asks and keeps his hand right there. Eyes on the road.

"Please." Buck's voice is rough, hoarse. Another beat. "I don't need you to save me, by the way. This isn't -- I was handling it fine."

Tommy glances at him. His chest clenches. "Hey, I know. That's not what--"

"He said I always make it about me." Buck blurts out, and he's angry and hurt. Grips Tommy's hand with his own, squeezes tightly. "Said I-- I don't know. Doesn't matter." His breath hitches. "I tried so hard to be okay, Tommy, I really did. And I - I know I'm a lot but I really thought I-" He lets out a wet huff. "I was there for everyone, I really tried to be. Like he said. To be what they needed but I was selfish, apparently and I-"

Tommy parks the car. They're here. He kills the engine and twists in his seat to look at Buck properly. The rain is picking up now, drumming against the windows.

"You're not selfish," he says firmly. "You're grieving and taking care of everyone. You're the least selfish person I know." Throat working, Buck shakes his head, looking down at their hands. His eyes are wet.

"Come on, let's head inside. Got some sweats you can borrow." Steal. Buck used to steal them. Sleep in them, sleep in Tommy's shirts. Buck seems to remember too because he manages a small, soft smile.

They get inside and Tommy flicks on the lights, door falling shut behind them. He's barely out of his shoes when Evan steps into his space, crashes into him. Tommy lets out an oomph sound and then folds his arms around him. He's put on muscle, has become so solid and filled out but he buries himself deep into Tommy's chest. Tommy thinks about watching Buck through the monitors and how badly he wanted to hold him then. How badly he wanted to catch his pain with his bare hands. "I got you," he whispers and presses his nose into the curls. "I got you, baby." The pet name slips out like that. Evan doesn't seem to notice, he's trembling and shaking, and Tommy can feel him crying more than he can hear him.

Tommy holds him. Holds him through it all.

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The thing is, Eddie has always been this way. He has always been this much of a jerk with Buck. People are just noticing it now because of the contrast.

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buck: trying his best to hold things together, checking in with everyone and being there even if he doesn't know how

eddie: invalidates bucks grief, goes on about how much worse it was for him than everyone else, blames buck (???) for apparently not doing everything he can to save bobby because he's feeling guilty for leaving

also eddie: why are you making everything about you

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"Eddie's actions come from grief" // "Eddie's entitled to be angry" // "Eddie's feelings are valid" // "Everyone's grief is different"

Nah, fuck that.

YES, grief is hard as fuck, and it makes your emotions go all out of whack. YES, everyone handles grief differently. YES, Eddie's feelings are valid.

What is NOT valid is not controlling your actions. Grief might explain why Eddie lashed out like that, but it absolutely does NOT excuse or condone him being an asshole—a VIOLENT asshole, at that.

Y'know the way a mental illness explains behaviors but doesn't EXCUSE THEM, same thing with grief.

Case in point: ATHENA. She knows her anger at Chim is product of her grief. And she knows that it's best if she doesn't interact with him for a while because no matter how angry she is, she cares about Chim and she KNOWS she's gonna say something to hurt him because she's so angry. So she avoids it.

And then, Eddie doesn't apologize. Because NO. Bringing Chris and aunt Pepa WAS NOT A FUCKING APOLOGY. It feels more like when an abuser tears you down, then makes you apologize 'cause they've spun things to make you believe you were in the wrong, then does something 'nice' to say "look how much I love you, even when you piss me off?".

So no. I'm sorry, but I have zero empathy for Eddie right now.

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Oh, nothing. I am just over here SCREAMING over the anti-hero post.

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wait actually. yanno how when people complain about endgame steve leaving bucky and the dudebros go “oh my god not everything is about your stupid ship they were not in love steve and bucky were like brothers” and. arguably leaving your brother is worse in that situation i think. let’s look at steve and buckys whole dynamic through a sibling dynamic shall we.

like okay youre steve rogers in this scenario and your brother was presumed dead only for you to find out that he had been kidnapped by nazis and tortured and brainwashed for 70 years to the point where he didn’t even know his own name and had no bodily autonomy and when you found out about this you dismantled an entire sect of the government and then you’re brother in his confused state disappeared and you spent 2-3 years looking for him and then he was framed for murder and you believed him innocent despite the fact that he was an assassin for those 70 years when he was being tortured by nazis and maybe actually did do that for all you know but you fight the government (again) and a bunch of your new friends on his behalf and in doing so become a fugitive and spend another year(ish) on the run and then world gets attacked by this fuckass alien freak and you and you’re brother who is finally (mostly) himself again join the fight against the fuckass alien freak and you lose and your brother gets turned to dust and is dead for 5 years and so you join up with the friends who you had a falling out with to bring back all of the people who died and you succeed and your brother comes back to life and while he is much better than he was when you found him 4 (9?) years ago he is still fucked up in 15 different ways but you finally get the chance to actually be with your brother again after so long so that’s good right? wrong. you decide to leave that brother who you spent years trying to find and became a fugitive for to go back in time (a time where your brother is getting tortured by nazis and you can’t do anything to stop it because it will like break the timeline or whatever) to be with the girl you kissed once. like are you kidding me. who in their goddamn right mind would leave their sibling after all that. the answer is you wouldn’t and steve’s ending is stupid.