breathandleave-blog

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Money Honey!

I am perplexed by something:

Recently, I returned to the workforce in a job that is often reserved for teenagers. Being young at heart, I accept the idea that I walk in do what I'm supposed to and not have to worry about anything else when I have to leave.

Growing up, I have always been told that money is money.  That I needed to have a college education and get a good job.  I do have a college education and am working on a Master's degree.  

I understand that working in Fast Food is often not the course of action from someone with my level of education or experience.  However, in an economy that would otherwise see people destitute; I accept this $7.25 an hour because I have other obligations to my academics.  

Recently, after having disclosing this to friends; many of them have said "Why would you do that" or "That's beneath you" or some variation of that. Many of these people also work in service industries, some have degrees.  I have also found that the people who judge me the least are the ones that are also in my Master's program or recently graduated.  

I see this type of reaction to my employment as contrary to the general idea  "earn" your living.  If there were flexible jobs in the market for me, I would most certainly be there.  Alas, there are not.  So instead, I have taken a position that a friend helped me get, after apply at 75 different places since May. 

I am not trying to shame anyone with this post.  This is only a post where I really try to discover my own feelings and attitudes.  

We are currently having a National discussion around minimum wage jobs.  This job certainly qualifies.  I work usually 8 hour shifts in 80 degree heat.  That takes a toll on the body.  I am not a young buck either, BUT hey at the end of two weeks I get a little cash and can feel good about contributing to the economy.  

I have other work that I do as well.  This job does not pay close to my other jobs, but extra income is extra income.  

It just bothers me that I feel judged when people make comments about the job being beneath me.  I understand what they are trying to say, that I should be in a position that utilizes my various skills sets...which I paid a mint for! (Cause Knowledge is Power, but it ain't cheap!)  

On some level, I think about this as microagressions or privilege.  I was privileged enough to get to go to college, and at one point have a "good job", privileged enough to get a Master's Degree.  I present as a white cis-male. (even though I am of Latino decent).   It just makes me uncomfortable knowing that some people think that these jobs are beneath me.  AND at the end of the day, I must acknowledge my own privilege by stating: "I could quit the job and be perfectly fine."  

Which in turn makes me feel bad, because I don't want to come off sounding like, "I'm doing this to prove something".  Um still need that confetti!  

I guess this must be the same mentality of the people trying to hold minimum wage down.  Maybe we should stop and think about the people we are affecting with our polices...before we decide we know what's best.  

I love to hear the people spout..."Well I worked minimum wage in HS".  Well here is your gold star and a fuck you! 

I guess these are just random thoughts...

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Anastacia is my number 2! This bad ass just got me together with this song. It’s about telling truths…especially to yourself!

Lately, introspection has been the name of the game. It’s easy to say “But They DID this to me”. My mantra is “It’s not their action but my reaction that caused my feelings” I mean F*** man! She just has a way to make you think about your role in all of this.

I just love all these lyrics. Just listen to Anastacia…she’s letting us all know what it’s all about. These lyrics below are so perfect. Somehow, I just end up my own worst enemy. Just always needing to “talk it out”. Which just ends up me talking in circles and annoying the other person.

"When I get too close to my someday Every time I blow it away Praying I will come to my senses Won’t be my own worst enemy”

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Two types of people...

RULES OF FASHION

you think it’s pretty?

wear it

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Truth!

no one.

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Me at a party with friends...

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Well that's the truth!

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Being Alone

I've learned to be alone over the last year. Not out of choice but necessity. It's okay sometimes, but then it's terminal. I feel like there is something more that I should be doing. I hope 2014 teaches me to just be okay.

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text | Tumblr op We Heart It http://weheartit.com/entry/41075420/via/Sahar_Narimani

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Untitled | via Tumblr on We Heart It. http://weheartit.com/entry/59371644

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I've been weird...

The past couple of days have been really strange.  I am not really, really sad...just kinda disappointed in my life and how I choose to continue to make it worse. 

I miss him today...a lot...and I feel really lonely!

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I just don't know

I'm just so sad today...he moved into his dorm...I am terrified to see him.

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If only....