bringmesomepieilovemesomepie - Tumblr blog

[bringmesomepieilovemesomepie]

Guess who's a single lesbian

It's not a bad breakup. She couldn't come out or she would be on the streets. They told her that flat out.

So, to help both of our mental health, we talked and decided it would be better to put a stop to it. So, we did.

So, just a Bambi Lesbian with a close friend that's an ex. It's nice still having her as a friend, though. I still love her. She knows this and she said she was close to loving me, but it would be better for us to stop.

One day, this Bambi Lesbian will find a person that shows affection through touch and doesn't just want sex. One day.

[bringmesomepieilovemesomepie]

I found a story that needs more love. Please, show it some love! The next installment for it should be soon and I can't wait!

[bringmesomepieilovemesomepie]

Oh Wow A Lot Has Changed

I spend about (while I'm awake):

30% of my time talking to my bestie, H.

30% of my time talking to my girlfriend.

30% of my time talking to my friends family.

And finally...

10% of my time playing video games.

Compared to what it was:

60% of my time trying to talk to my now ex.

20% of my time with friends and family

10% of my time playing video games.

10% of my time crying/having anxiety attacks.

Notice I said trying. About 70% of the time that I was trying he wouldn't respond, would leave me on read, and/or would get mad at my attempts.

Now, I go to bed earlier and actually get more than four hours of sleep a night. Now, I haven't had an anxiety attack in well over a month. Now, I'm incredibly happy with my life. Now, I'm falling for someone that is well above where my ex was. Sure, he meant a lot to me, but he was not good enough for me. The pain, mental and physical, that I went through with him was horrible. My girlfriend, though, God she is amazing. I don't spend tons of time crying because I'm so damn alone. I spend my time in calls with different people I love, downstairs having fun with my family, hell I even go out more. I'm happy. I'm stable.

And my girlfriend isn't abusive, pushy, constantly angry, or threatening like my ex. She's kind, loving, caring, smart, goofy, adorable, and hard working. I've been with her for two weeks but goodness, it feels like heaven. We hold hands almost everywhere we go, we joke around, we have meaningful conversations, we care about in another's interests. I'm falling in love. I'm scared as hell because of my ex and how my wrist hurts again every time I think about it. But with her, I know she wouldn't hurt me like that. She's worth the pain in my wrist that he left.

[bringmesomepieilovemesomepie]

Most of This is Background but the Ending is Nice.

Back in fifth grade, I had a best friend and we are still really close. In sixth grade I had the same best friend but had also expanded my horizons. Seventh grade, seventh grade was hell.

I had no classes with my friends and try as I might, I couldn't make more. I was alone and I tried to confide in my friends about this but there was nothing anyone could do. So, I grew lonely and the hole opened up.

Eighth grade began and I saw an opportunity. Someone I had never seen before was a friend of a friend and now in my grade. So I approached and befriended them. My friends got upset because I spent a lot of time with said person and they felt left out. But I was excited, I had someone again. We got together and his family loves me. But my friends weren't the happiest with how often he came up. I spent a lot of time with him, so most things included him a little.

I spent a lot of time with him to avoid the anger from my friends, admittedly. And I met his cousin. She was great, I was happy. I had a best friend again. Then, her true colors began to show. I ignored them and hoped I could help her. I only saw the good in her, never what was really there. She was toxic, I just didn't know yet.

I hadn't talked to my friends in a while and they were upset with me. So, I did what any person would do and I panicked because summer was ending and ninth grade began soon. I was going in alone. My best friend was a year younger than me and I didn't really like my boyfriend's friends too much (but that's for a different post).

My friends and I got past the issue and we all got along again. Our friendships were being mending and things were amazing. As the year Drew to an end I got more excited. I would have my best friend, boyfriend, friends, and many others with me in tenth grade! I couldn't have been happier, at least, that's what I thought.

My boyfriend went to homeschooling, ok. I could deal with that, we were still really close and could always text or video chat.

My best friend didn't seem to be accepted by my friends (and they're really good at reading people and they said something was sketchy about her... But I didn't believe them). I could totally fix that with some time.

My best friend had obviously lied about something horrible to me just for a rise. Ok, it'll be difficult but I could forgive her.

My best friend began hurting people I cared about, really badly. Ok, maybe time to distance myself from her and try to get my people to follow suit. It didn't work.

Now, multiple people hate me including: my now ex-best friend, said people I cared about, and a few other people they've told about me. I get tons of "I hate you" glares in the hallways.

But, my bestie from fifth grade and I are really close again, her girlfriend is now a close friend of mine, I've made some friends along the way, and my boyfriend and I are still going strong and quite close.

2018 was a pain in the ass. I was suicidal, super depressed, being manipulated, afraid, and hated by others and myself. Now, I've made a promise to myself to make it to the end of the year, I've strengthened bonds, I'm gaining confidence and coming out of my shell, and I continue to smile as I receive hateful glares. Hell, I hold my head high as they do and I grin. They don't control me anymore.

I am strong. I am confident. I am fighting. I am going to make it. I am tall. I am curvy. I am a little chubby. I am tender hearted. I am smart. I am open. I am cuddly. I am clingy. I am good at what I do. I am me. And I am beautiful inside and out. However, one thing I am not, is a finished piece. I am still developing who I am. I'm full of imperfections that make me me. I am still learning to love every imperfection and that's ok. Nothing is ever truly finished.

[bringmesomepieilovemesomepie]

But they can fly. Just put them on a plane/in a helicopter. Boom flying pig.

If pigs could fly their wings would probably taste really good

[bringmesomepieilovemesomepie]

It's 12:42am

I've got a huge ass day tomorrow. I'm cuddled up to Sherlock (he's my giant teddy bear), don't judge. I'm under five (I think?) covers because I'm cold natured. I've already done my nails and I have nothing left but sleep.

But I'm too nervous. I submitted an ask and I'ma try doing similar to it since I don't wanna wake the parents. Time for a (hopefully) well heated bed so I can sleep once this damned red nail polish dries.

Maybe watch some Magicians until I can't hold my eyes open?

I just hope I remember my meds tbh.

And, to end,

OOF

[bringmesomepieilovemesomepie]

I'm the SuperMajorDate human and you're officially my favorite human. I love you. There's no escaping it. The love is going in your direction. Thank yoooouuuuu!

Hi! Important, unrelated, rhetorical question! If I know I've got this SuperMajorDate (meeting my bf of two years' family big) then why am I still up at midnight? I've been on here seeing lots of your posts and I just- I'm so tired and nervous and ugh. Too nervous to sleep, too tired to stay awake. Your posts are great and have kept me from, like, dying of nervousness. Also your blog is awesome!

OH THT IS BIG…………i’ve never actually met any of my s/os parents except for like one time but!!!!!!!! um!! u shld put on smth u’ve seen and enjoyed a bunch of times to where u don’t quite pay attention but doesnt bore u to death, throw a towel in the dryer for a couple minutes nd wrap it around ur neck then jst. nestle down thts what usually works for me fhgbjfskn. 

i’ve never been good at like. sleeping before something big Ever so im not sure if im the bst person to come to for this HSJDKHFEHBJNK

THANK U THO!!!!!!!

[bringmesomepieilovemesomepie]

HOLD UP FAM WHAT

[bringmesomepieilovemesomepie]

So I get online and I got two follows

I was excited so I was like

"let's check the first one's posts, maybe I'll follow them back."

This poor ace was laying in bed, unable to look away, and absolutely mortified. So I checked the second, like an idiot.

Pretty much the same, leaving me even more mortified.

Please, don't follow me if you constantly post porn. I can't go through another round of sitting mortified on my bed the night before I meet most if my boyfriend's family. Please, just let me have a normal day tomorrow.

[bringmesomepieilovemesomepie]

Great Idea, I Promise

I need a movie that has the hilariously dramatic-ness of Tag and the over the top suits like that of The Tick.

The villian is in his brightly colored (and somehow all the complementary colors of the hero(ine)) suit just barely ahead of the hero(ine) in the shopping mall. They round a corner to go down the escalator, out of breath, and tell back something like "you'll never catch me alive, sucker!" (Or slow-poke). They don't run down the escalator, they just get on and ride, catching their breath. The hero(ine) gets on about five steps behind and says something like "that's what you think" while totally out of breath.

The villian steps off and pants, like they just ran down that many stairs and goes to the up escalator just as the hero(ine) reaches the bottom. Frustrated, the hero(ine) follows.

However it would be better if there was either a "both panting at the bottom of the escalator before a Scooby-Doo chase scene ensues" or a "the villian reaches for the hero(ine)'s hand while they go in opposite directions and winks."

Is that too much to ask for? I just want a hilarious knock off of a superhero movie. Please!

If you know if something like this I beg of you to tell me the movie!

[bringmesomepieilovemesomepie]

[bringmesomepieilovemesomepie]

If You're Reading This, We're Through

I was on a date with my boyfriend and his younger cousin, let's call her T and her now ex H, to come along. I noticed whenever this one guy I had been friends with (I'm not sure if I still was at that point, however) T flinched and looked down. I noticed this and decided I would work up the nerve to text her later on and hopefully become her friend after working things out.

So, I did. From that, a beautiful friendship bloomed. We talked constantly about anything and everything. We were happy and soon, we were best friends. Then sisters. We would go to the mall for birthdays and pretend we were dating because we dressed up and didn't want to be hit on. Plus, T's words not mine, she had a crush on me. We were close, extremely close. I made her earrings for her birthday a while back and used them to "propose" thanks to a weird joke we had. Then we were gay husbands despite us both being female.

For a long time T knew of my anxiety and it was pretty bad. Originally T came to me with small stuff, stuff I was happy to help with because I've been there before and I knew what I needed to hear. But then it became difficult, really difficult. Alcoholism, wanting to murder, and vandalism got brought up frequently but no where near as often as suicide came up and no where near as often as self harm came into play. My wrist still hurts when I think about it (I'm clean, I just hurt there when anxious).

Eventually, these talks we're toxic to both of us. I was T's broken therapist and didn't realize it yet. She literally went from being happy to craving death as soon as they would text me. This, obviously hurt me because I was trying to be upbeat even when I was going through my own stuff. I always felt I wasn't enough, until one night I really wasn't.

I was way out of my league here and I was having a very real panic attack because of how far this simple conversation had turned. So bad, my mother got involved and she had to call the cops for a wellness check on T. I remember pacing the kitchen until Mom got a call back. I had a lot of cinnamon gum in my mouth mixed with the salt of tears. I was shaking and barely able to be walking at that point, but I needed to know that T was ok. That, was the first time the police for involved.

Not too long ago, keep in mind this is being written in the later part of 2018, the second time happened. T came to me immediately talking suicide. I panicked when things started getting worse by the second. I was overwhelmed but by then I knew how to cope. I was pacing and tried to make sure with Mom that you called the cops for a wellness check. I was ready to do it on my own, but Mom put two and two together and did it herself. Keep in mind, T and I had been friends for close to two years and she was considered family.

See, what she had told me was that a good bit beforehand she had taken 2,000mg of pain meds and was ready to slit her arm open. Pain medication takes half an hour to kick in. She is still alive and well. The officer found a happy girl cooking with her dad. The officer found a girl that was "reciting poetry" to her friend. The officer found someone that was not dying, but living. I still believed her. I still saw the girl I had befriended so long ago, so sweet and fun. I didn't see the lie. I didn't see how nothing added up. I didn't see who she became.

So I went to school wanting space. She went to school wanting us to stop being friends. She gave me a bag of my stuff and a five page letter about why we couldn't be friends. It broke my heart because I still saw her as the one I originally befriended. I wanted to mend our friendship, I wanted it back the way it was in the beginning. After a few days, it was mended. But it took that for me to realize the lies and who stood before me was not the one that stood at my side so long ago. It feels like a lifetime ago I befriended her. However, my T is gone and she's not coming back. The new one killed her. The one that lies about suicide for attention. The one that never saw me as a friend or even a person, but as a broken therapist pawn in her game.

I've got news for you, T, you may think you've won, but I'm still here and standing tall. I love the old you, this new one is a stranger to me. You aren't the girl that did hennas in my bathroom floor with me. You didn't pretend we were dating mostly to piss of your mom. You didn't cuddle up to me to sleep when you would spend the night. You didn't write "mine" on my arm before we split a coffee. You aren't her, not anymore. I will always love and remember the old you, but this new you is not my T. You aren't her anymore. You can hate me all you wish, but all I ever did was love you and try to help. In return, just like my best friend, I got a heart breaking mess once you started to feel something for me.

Goodbye, T, I'll always miss the old days.

[bringmesomepieilovemesomepie]

To all who need it. I know I do.

[bringmesomepieilovemesomepie]

I am

knock knock

[bringmesomepieilovemesomepie]

OMG

I just watched Love, Simon and honestly I'm having a cuteness overload. I love the mushy romance stuff, I'm honestly a sucker for it. Mushy romance through the whole thing. I laughed, I cried when the mom reminded him that he was himself. I cried when the dad made sure Simon still knew he loved him. I just. It's adorable go watch it. Bring tissues, my gays, it hits home. All the stars and love in the world I can give would go into this movie if possible. And all the adorable puns from when I only knew from posters and trailers. So adorable. ("He's having a hard time keeping things straight" "coming out 2018") like, honestly, the gay puns are amaze on those. Enough ranting, goodnight! <3

[bringmesomepieilovemesomepie]

Oh Gosh I Hope Other People Do This

So I was talking to myself and messed up and wound up making a surprised face at the wall like a "did you just catch that?" thing. Because I meant to say I drank too much water but for some reason it came out as I ate too much water. Weirder has happened. But please tell me I'm not the only one who gives inanimate objects weird faces when confused by how they messed up something so simple.

[bringmesomepieilovemesomepie]

You mean your auto*bi*ography?

Bisexual Frustration: Everyone is Hot and I’m Really Bad at Handling It - my autobiography