britishparadise

[britishparadise]

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[britishparadise]

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[britishparadise]

[britishparadise]

When the world sits on my shoulders, will you sit by my side?

[britishparadise]

[britishparadise]

[britishparadise]

[britishparadise]

I cant be dealing with this pain again my head feels like its going to explode i wish time would go by quicker or not at all :(

[britishparadise]

[britishparadise]

[britishparadise]

I guess i made the right choice for the both of us, yes i made a really big mistake so soon but all the intentions were there. I look at you now working so hard every day letting your passions run free being social and out every weekend doing better in your self without having me to concentrate on too and im so proud. I wish i could do that well in myself. I feel like my depression is creeping back. Every night i spend the night thinking how much i wamt you back or to sleep by my side the way i looked after you. You were the one to kick my arse into gear and now your not there anymore to drive me to the end. I hate crying all the time no motivation for my dissertation but i said id do anything for you even if thats leaving you to persue your dream. Im trying my best im going to work hard im just scared. Im so scared of the future because i dont want to work so hard now to not spend the rest of my life with you one day. I want to be the one to be that wife to you one day. I cant predict the future i cannot. Everytime i see you i just want to hold you in my arms. I guess ive just got to continue working for my independence on my self before i can fully comit again to you. And if you never want me again i just got to move on to one thing or the other. Id rsther be alone now then never have you again its not fair on anyone else. I love you you are my one and only and i will fight till the end of our time

[britishparadise]

Anyone awake for talking too? My mind wont stop racing

[britishparadise]

I am so fucking defeated. I feel so weak and used. I fucking hate my self and struggling so much. I can't do the whole break thing when I know exactly what I want. Yet again I am waiting over you to decide what you want. Whether you want me anymore. It looks like your not even upset or hurting like I am. I've spent so many years fighting when every other girl has been involved. Being used and lead along. Then when we are finally happy history starts repeating itself and here I am again all alone unable to get out. Crying every fucking night and slicing my skin thinking about how unworthy I am and how stupid I feel.. I'm absolutely broken again. I've pour my heart out and served on a plate how much I want you and to stay loyal and to have a future. No childish teenage bullshit anymore stone cold facts. Yet here I am again questioning every fucking move I make getting in too deep for my own good. I honestly don't think I'll be able to survive this time around. Last time I was one pill away alone in my room to overdosing and choking on my own vomit cause of everything wasn't worth living for. Now it's starting again and I'm not strong enough anymore I don't want to go on. Fuck breaks I need to know whether I'm wanted or not so I can decide my own fate because it's impossible to cope in this situation anymore

[britishparadise]

im kind of lonely too, and idk. I like comforting people cause its like my coping mechanism i guess

Sure I'm working soon but I'll talk later :)

[britishparadise]

hi. are you doing okay?

No not really