brockbarnes-blog

[brockbarnes-blog]

Text → Sunshine ✰

Dixie: Oh

Dixie: Claire?

Dixie: yeah kind of

Brock: well jshe's the logve of my life but i don't think she loves me

[brockbarnes-blog]

☎ → Brock

Claire: Mmm, so what have you been up to? How's y-your uh... your archery going?

Brock: Great, actually. I just bought some new arrows, sharper ones since they're easier to practice with. But I'm sure you didn't call to hear about my arrows!

[brockbarnes-blog]

Text → Sunshine ✰

Dixie: [Unsent] Wow

Dixie: [Unset] This is ridiculous

Dixie: I didn't know you had a girlfriend in the first place...

Brock: obh fucvk yeah i do but i want you xtoo

Brock: do yvou know a girl named clailre

[brockbarnes-blog]

i overheard these two guys in the hallway at my school and one of them was like “you always look hot dude… no homo tho” and then like 5 seconds later he yelled “sike!” and slapped the other dude’s ass

[brockbarnes-blog]

“Well,” Brock chuckled, taking position beside Kameron on the bed. The mention of alcohol and beer was tempting, but he didn’t know if he wanted to become intoxicated. It was a dangerous threshold for him, and even if he’s had a few good drunken times with the boy, he was always a little weary when it came to the liquor. “I’d rather just get drunk off of you.” Knowing how corny that sounded made him laugh, shaking his chest a little as his smile widened. He was a cheesy flirt but the only thing that mattered was whether or not it would make the person laugh. More often than not, Kameron humored him and laughed at whatever Brock was throwing out there. Though he didn’t need his words to speak for him, his actions did plenty. Laying by Kameron’s side was comfortable, but Brock pushed himself up with his elbows, turning so he could straddle the other boy. “Whatever you want to be doing,” Brock smiled, his eyes staying focused on Kam.

Kameron chuckled softly at Brock just walking into his room with a smirk painted on his lips. The redhead closed the door and turned around to look at the other boy. He had cleaned a bit before Brock came over. Not too much, mostly just picking up things like cigarettes and face paints. Kam discarded his thoughts and worries about the place and turned his attention back to Brock. He moved closer and intertwined their fingers, grinning at him. The boy liked Brock for a lot of reasons. Some being his humor, his looks, how he cared, and they way he and Kameron acted together. Kam had never had that. He stood in front of Brock, holding his hand and taking in his existence for a moment. Then, before he could even speak again, he felt the other boy’s arm wrap around his waist and their lips connect once more. He always felt right to Kameron. The way his lips tasted and the way he treated him. It felt right. He kissed him back until, eventually, Brock pulled away. Hey, stranger… Kam shook his head and laughed. “What are we doing tonight? I’ve got beer. I’ve got…some alcohol…I think,” he said to the other boy. The redhead jumped onto his bed and laid down. “It’s whatever you want.”

[brockbarnes-blog]

☎ → Brock

Claire: ...--No. Uh... I just mean, that's okay. I'm fine. I'm just pretty tired, is all...

Brock: That's a shame. Guess you had a busy day, huh? You've always been my busy girl.

[brockbarnes-blog]

Text → Sunshine ✰

Dixie: Do you know who you're texting right now?

Brock: yeah it's gyou gdixie

Brock: just dot'n tlle my girlfriend

[brockbarnes-blog]

Text → Sunshine ✰

Brock: ffuck dued i thinrk ni have feelings for yfou

[brockbarnes-blog]

A kiss was what he was greeted with and a kiss was what he gladly returned, pulling away from Kameron with a smirk and a dark look in his eyes. This wasn’t the first meeting, certainly not the last either. Brock strode over to his bed as he noted the absence of his roommate. She was a friend of Brock’s, actually. They had been friends who promised to always stay young and to be innocent because the world was full of toxicity which wasn’t fitted for the two of them. but if she knew about the types of conversations Brock held she would be disappointed. But that was only a passing thought; his mind focused on the boy in front of him. Oh, he looks good. And he always did, especially tonight. He always looked good to Brock, but looking good was counted in more than one way. There was no tension in the moment, no worry, no stress. The door was closed and that’s the way he liked it. Brock hooked his arm around Kameron’s waist and pulled the boy close again, their lips meeting like a familiar secret. It was bubbly like champagne and just as intoxicating. Already feeling drunk, Brock slowly pulled away with a grin, laughing softly so he wouldn’t break the silence. “Hey stranger,” he joked.

Kameron sat on his bed. Actually, that’s a lie. Kameron paced his room, waiting for Brock. Now that they were back at Bridgewood and he kicked Rae out for the night, the other boy could stay. Staying meant sleeping in the same bed him. Staying meant making out with him and not having to worry about anyone else spreading rumors. Brock wasn’t just a distraction from Theo, he was someone Kam could treat like a boyfriend behind closed doors but not have to deal with any of the extra drama.

Kameron had on his plaid night pants and a black t-shirt, which was tight but loose on his body. When he heard the knock, he smiled and rushed to the door, opening it for Brock. His grin was obvious. You could tell he was more than happy the other boy was here. His hand brushed against his cheek and rested on his neck, kissing him quickly. “Hey,” he said to him, after pulling away.

[brockbarnes-blog]

☎ → Brock

Claire: Uh-- yeah, I've... I've been pretty well.

Brock: Doesn't sound like it, babe. You sure you okay? I can come see you if that would help.

[brockbarnes-blog]

☎ → Brock

Claire:...Brock? --Hey!

Brock: I miss you, babe! How've you been?

[brockbarnes-blog]

@kameronshoreee 

Another text from Kam meant another night not spending alone. Brock never minded the company of another in bed, especially when it was someone he had the pleasure of knowing. Kameron filled the space in his sheets rather well,But that wasn’t the only thing he was good for. Too often Brock found himself not only longing for the company of another, but wanting a little something more from them, too. Whether it was friendship or a week-long flirtationship, it didn’t matter. He was a lonely person without Claire. He needed to fill himself with meaningless relationships, whatever that word meant, and he would go to any length to get that. Brock mostly did it for the attention; maybe not of others, but to pine after the attention of his one and only. Tonight was like that... Well, sort of. Him and Kameron have been good friends, but not in the conventional type of ways.

Brock tucked his phone into his sweatpants pocket, his grey tee clinging to him as he walked down the hall, on his way to go see his friend for a “special visit.” Special meant kisses instead of “hello’s” and hugs without shirts on. It wasn’t always like that with his friend, though. Kameron was someone Brock found good company in, someone he could share a laugh with or tell his secrets to. But, this wasn’t one of those times. And Brock kept that in mind as his knuckles kissed the door, three knocks before he waited. It was courtesy for him to do this, even if he wanted to just rip the door off its hinges and lunge inside.

[brockbarnes-blog]

☎ → Brock

[♫ What doesn't kill you makes you wish you were dead. Gotta who-- ♫]

Brock: Claire?

[brockbarnes-blog]

Text → rack city

Rack City: lol oh, hun

Rack City: u sure you're ready to get your ass kicked? can your ego take it?

Brock: lmao ok so since ur trash talking... let's make it interesting

Brock: loser has to go down on the winner

[brockbarnes-blog]

why are you such a hottie?

[brockbarnes-blog]

“But that’s what you don’t see!” And he wanted her to see it. To see that he wasn’t worth anything. That his life suddenly became about her and everything she did. He can’t remember when he lost touch with reality or when he functioned without knowledge of her existence. Brock realized what she was saying wasn’t true, none of it was. She didn’t care about him. The only reason she was saying it was to keep Brock safe, to keep him alive so she wouldn’t have his blood on her hands. It made him feel sick to realize that she was only trying to talk him down. Because he could feel his face getting hot, his voice was getting scratchy from the yelling, and his fists couldn’t clench any tighter than they were now. He would be afraid of himself now, too. He would be afraid to face himself in the middle of the woods at night with a fire right next to them. “What you don’t see is that I’m not worth anything! I’m sick, Claire. I’m sick. I’m sick because I don’t know what’s real anymore. I don’t remember life without you. And what you don’t understand...” He felt as if his chest were caving in. As if the next words he were to speak would stop his heart and force the air out of his lungs. It had always been so easy to send her a text or a letter or a voicemail. But it was never easy to tell her how he really felt without her. “You don’t understand is that you are worth it. If you weren’t then I wouldn’t have tried to take my own life so you could have yours back.”

It amazed him how she didn’t hear about this. That this moment was the first time she had heard of his travesty. “I tried to call you that night. I cried on almost every voicemail I left.” His voice was calm at this point. He had no more fight left in him. It was a scary feeling, to just be void of all anger and sadness. No longer was he conflicted on whether to feel right or wrong about taking the pictures. There was no pulling feeling in the pit of his stomach. The camera was gone along with his ability to feel anything. Numb wasn’t a word he wanted to use but it was the only one to describe him. Brock took a few steps towards her, reaching out and putting his hands on her shoulders and looking her in the eyes. A smile had taken over his face, but not out of happiness. Not out of any emotion. “I called, but you didn’t answer.” And he let out a laugh, one that came from his belly and traveled all the way up, shaking his ribs as it made its way past his lips. He laughed in her face; reality was slipping away from him second by second. His hands gripped a little tighter against her shoulders as he uttered, “You didn’t fucking answer me.” 

His hands squeezed her shoulders as hard as he could. What more could he say? Yelling at her was only going to scare her more, forcing her to lie to calm him down. Reminding her that he loved her to death would only make her more scared, forcing her to run away to avoid being kidnapped or killed. And it gave him an odd feeling to know that he had that power over her. She said she cared, but anyone would say the same thing if a gun was being put to their head. And he was loaded, a finger on the trigger, cocked and aimed right between her eyes. The feelings rushed back to him, no longer making him feel like an empty shell. And when he was capable for feeling again, the first thing that hit him was control. He could make her scared. It felt good to hear her say these things, to pretend that she cared, so he could make her do it again. He could make her say whatever he wanted to. This was a funny game to him. Brock was good at playing games, and when it came to playing with Claire, he was an expert. Oh, but if he loved her, he wouldn’t do that. Love wasn’t scaring the people you held close into saying made-up feelings so you could feel better about yourself. That wasn’t love and Brock knew it. But he also knew that if he held onto Claire tighter then she couldn’t run away from him. That he could say whatever he wanted to and she would have to listen to him. 

Though he relaxed his grip slightly on her, he did not let go. This entire conversation was filled with his irrational fear of her running away. He ran faster than her, he would always be able to catch up. He had her at his disposal now. And that’s how he always made himself for her. For her to use whenever she pleased. His sole mission in life was just to receive attention from her, to know that she cared. Brock wanted to believe that she cared. And for a minute, he did. He convinced himself that she still cared about him, despite leaving him for dead like everyone else in his life did. His father was reckless, his mother was dead, his grandfather was dead, and his grandmother never loved him. His aunt was the only person to stay in his life but she was across the country. Only knowing her for two years hadn’t done much to fix the black hole that had created him. He was already a monster and no amount of caring or compassion from her would change him. The only person that could salvage whatever was left of who he used to be was Claire. Too bad she left to be a million miles away from him. What a shame that she was the only person who could help him, but she barely could look him in the eye.

“Let me ask you,” he stated frankly, “why you keep running from me.” One hand remained on her shoulder while the other cupped her cheek, hesitant until his fingers grazed her skin. It felt so familiar to be holding her like this, even if she didn’t want him to. Everything about her body language told him to stay far away. But it was almost old habit to close whatever distance was between them, to not let there be any space. It was what love had done to him; it made him want to be in her personal bubble almost every second. Brock had been wondering all night, ever since he began to speak to her, why she had been running for so long. If she cared like she said she did, why did she try to run from him? “Let me ask you why you care so suddenly.” And he wanted to ask for a kiss. But as long as he could touch her, he would take what he could get. “let me ask you why you care about me.” Because he cared about her. That was always clear to him, to everyone. This was no longer about taking the pictures of her or his secret he was trying so desperately to protect. But he didn’t know what it was about. And this had scared him most of all. He had, yet again, lost himself in her presence.

Follow You → Brock + Claire

[brockbarnes-blog]

Text → rack city

Rack City: hmmm...

Rack City: could i have a hint maybe?? ;)

Brock: RACE ME ON THE BELL HOP CARTS