broken--stardust - Tumblr blog

[broken--stardust]

Please read. I am here for help, not hate. 

Let me preface this with this is entirely a me issue and not a Josh issue. This is not big picture - it’s small picture. In no way do I wish he didn’t come out. 

I have been really struggling with Josh’s post. I hate that I’m even saying that. Let me explain. I am absolutely not anti lgbtq+. Let’s say, if my best friend or Danny came out I’d be shouting praise from the rooftops. This has more to do with being diehard Josh lane. Please understand that I HATE that I feel this way. I am being open and vulnerable in hopes that I can receive some helpful guidance. I don’t know where else to turn.  Truly. 

My heart fell to my stomach. It feels like my depression and anxiety are taking root again. I haven’t eaten since because I am sad. It’s like when you receive shocking news and it knocks your world off kilter. My heart hurts. I’ve never once thought I could pull him (don’t even live close enough to ever meet the guy!) but when I was fantasizing over him it just felt different when I imagined he would be interested in female genitalia. Now I can’t stop thinking about how he’s been giving head for 8 years. I don’t mean to sound vulgar - I’m really just trying to be clear and concise. It almost feels like I’m going through a breakup of sorts? Not necessarily with the band, but with my fantasies and original understanding of Josh? Why do I feel this way? I hate it! 

I can’t help but wonder if the majority of the super positive posts I read are from Jake/Sam/Danny lane? Are there really no other Josh laners that feel a little stung by this? Not angry with Josh, by any means, but hurt because change can be challenging. Can we be honest about this? It’s not hate - it’s real vulnerable feelings, even if we don’t like that we’re having them. I feel like irl we would be disappointed to find out someone we crush isn’t interested in us, no?

I was feeling and very much alone when I came across this fandom. I found happiness and fun here and i was really uplifted. It’s been my safe space for a while. I loved reading the Josh fics and now everyone is going to either take them down or stop writing them. 

I really don’t want to feel this way. Like, really! No one enjoys being upset. Will time help? I’m terrified that time won’t help. I haven’t listened to a song. I can’t look at pictures and I know that’s my trauma response. When an instagram story about him comes up I get anxious and nauseated from the anxiety. I can hardly focus. 

Please pass on your helpful words or guidance. I so want to move past this initial response my brain and body are having. 😔 I am feeling so so sad and I hate it. I’m hating me right now. 

[broken--stardust]

i just wanna tell u right person wrong time wrecked me and ive been unwell for a few days

yeah...that one's a doozy i'm sorry 🤭 honestly the ending wrecked me too

[broken--stardust]

is there gonna be any new fics coming out soon??

i'm currently working on a lil present for a close friend, not sure yet if i'm going to post it. as far as other fics, i've honestly just been lacking inspiration. i know i'm sitting on some requests but they are on some heavy topics and i've been dealing with a lot irl, so diving back into difficult subjects to write when i just want to escape is hard for me right now!! with that being said, if anyone wants to send in any fluffy requests preferably for jake or sam you may be able motivate me!! 🤍

(this is me asking you to send me fluffy requests)

honestly, this ask made me happy. it's nice to know that in my absence y'all have still thought about me and my lil stories 🤍

[broken--stardust]

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[broken--stardust]

oh goddamn.

I want Jake to sit between my legs completely naked while I make him cum with my hands. I want him panting and sweaty and his hair sticking all over his face.

I want him to be a whining and whimpering mess at my hand, and I want it to be in the bath.

After a long day of Jake being away and at stressful rehearsals and fighting with sound techs and equipment, hes letting you take control and relax him. To lay his naked body against you while you stroke his hardened cock in your hand, just watching his stomach muscles in the soapy, warm water and hearing his breath quicken and his moans and groans that he cannot fight back echo along the tile floor. Succumbing to the gorgeous feeling of your hand slowly stroking him, teasing the head of his cock with your thumb as it leaks precum from your caress. "Mmm, fuck, ah." Jake moans, his head resting against your shoulder. Your other hand holding his waist, grounding him to your body as you bring him closer. "So good for me, Jakey. Love hearing you feel so good." You smile as you whisper teasingly against his ear. You let go of his cock for a moment and lift your palm to him, a silent prompt. He spits into your palm and you bring it back down to his cock, your hand gliding lovingly along the length of his cock. "Good boy." You praise him as you increase your speed, paying more attention to the top of his cock, knowing just how sensitive it is for him.

Jake's body responds with a small spasm as he writhes in your hold. His voice gets whinier and his tone is higher, begging for more, tiptoeing the line of orgasm. "Oh come on, angel. You wanna cum for me? Hm? You wanna cum all over my hand?" You tease as you run your other hand over his chest, gliding your wet and warm fingers over his nipples. "P-Please, mmm, wanna cum for you, baby, ah, fuck, wanna cum for you." He stammers in a harsh whisper as he's barely holding on. His hands are gripping under your knees that lay on either side of him and he's trying so hard to wait for you to give him permission. "Aw you sound so pretty baby, you look even prettier too." You smirk against his neck, kissing the soft muscle, he lets out a whimper, one he couldn't keep from sighing, "Just, s-so good." he whines, eyes clamping shut, you quicken your pace, "Cum for me, baby. You've been so good, angel. Cum for me." You allow as you watch his face intently as he is washed over in pure pleasure. "F-Fuck, fuck, fuck. Oh god, ah, baby." He groans, his head laying back against your shoulder as you continue to pump his cock, watching as the ropes of cum coat your hand, Jake’s stomach and into the water of your bath.

You keep pumping him through his orgasm and a bit more after that, loving the way Jake feels against you when he whimpers and whines in overstimulation. "Too much, ah, mmm, its too much mommy-" "Don't whine baby, good boys thank their mama's for what they're given." You reply condescendingly into his ear. Your hand doesn't stop, he knows the safeword so you know its just for the moment, but you do slow your pace way down, so slow but still very intentional. "Thank y-you, ah, thank you, mama. Fuck. Thank you." He sighs through moans. Jake continues to groan and whine, high pitched and breathy moans as your hand slows to a stop. Letting Jake fully relax, his eyes look so fucked out, his eyes hardly can stay open. You allow him to rest and enjoy the afterglow of his climax, letting him bathe in the warm water and comfort of your body against his.

"So proud of you Jakey. Did so well for me, baby." You rasp as you kiss up his neck and to his cheek. Jake rolls his head over to face you, his hair is stuck to his forehead and his face is flushed and he looks like heaven on earth. "Thank you." Jake sighs one last time, finally catching his breath. "Anything for you, Jakey."

[broken--stardust]

this was one of the most enchanting, adorable, beautiful stories i've read in so long. literally fucking amazing. 🤍

Sweet Rayne, Part Three

First off, thank you to gretnavonfeet for this picture.  You are a true service to all the Jake Girlies out there on this lovely planet.  

Here’s the final part of this series and is the longest of the three parts.  All told, all three pieces add up to over 34K words.  I never thought that this little story would actually add up so quickly.  I’ve combed through this and combed through this, but if there’s errors, please forgive me!

If you haven't already, here's the links for part one and part two:

Sweet Rayne, Part One

Sweet Rayne, Part Two

The whole idea for this really started when I revisited the video for “Get You Down”  where you can so clearly hear Jake singing.  I know I’m not alone in this fascination with him singing.  Anyway, the idea grew from there.  Then I saw this gretavanfknreed edit :

that just really solidified things for me and made it so that I could not do anything other than write the story out.  

Content Warnings:  Alcohol use, strong language, adult situations, SMUT - oral (m/f), unprotected sex, anal play (m/f), Oh My Goodness, these lists are harder than they appear.  If you don’t like smut, you are more than welcome to skim, but if you are under 18 - stop now.

~Wednesday~

     Rayne stirred.  All around her was the smell of man and mahogany and cigarettes and whiskey.  Upon cracking one eye open, she had no clue where she was, but knew that she was not in a bed, not in her bedroom, and certainly not alone.  She moved her toes, feeling another foot that moved with her.  Not wanting to open her eyes fully, but at the same feeling a bit of panic, she fought with herself on what she should do.  Cracking both eyes open just a slit, she saw that she was foot to foot with Jake, and he was still sleeping on the other side of the couch.  

     At some point, she must’ve laid down.  At some point, he must’ve brought out the blankets from the bedrooms and covered her up. She smiled a bit realizing that he had taken care of her while in a most vulnerable position.  

     In hopes of not bothering him, she slid her feet to the side, but he chased her with his own toes.  She tried not to laugh at the cuteness.  Finally, she was brave enough to open her eyes fully, only to find that he was at the opposite end of the couch, eyes directly on her.

     “Good morning,”  he rasped, his eyes slowly fluttering like he wanted to go back to sleep.

     “Morning,”  she was able to get out, as she sat up to his quiet whine from lack of toe contact.

     She was sure she looked scary.  Rubbing her face, she yawned, and stood up.  “Imma jump into the shower,”  she said quietly.  

     He rolled onto his back, to which Rayne could not help but appreciate the expanse of skin that was showing as the blanket was thrown back. At some point in the night, he had removed his t-shirt.  She tried to not be obvious how her eyes popped, but the way he grinned and stretched made her roll her eyes at being caught.

     After showering the night off, she slid into a comfy sundress and sneakers.  When she emerged, she found Jake was behind closed doors, but there was a cart tucked just inside the kitchen.  She discovered pancakes, eggs, and fruit, along with a vat of coffee.  

     “Hey, breakfast is here!”  she called out, pouring a cup for herself, followed by one for him after she took her first sip.

     She went to his door and tapped.   “I’ve got coffee for you.”

     The door opened to reveal Jake on the phone while still wet from the shower and only in a towel.  “Thank you,”  he mouthed as he drifted away, knee deep in his call.

     She stood for a long moment, the image shocking her brain and rooting her to the moment.  “Damn,”  she sighed.

     Fresh washed Jake was her new favorite smell.  Falling back, she returned to the cart and picked at the fruit.  She folded the blankets and straightened up the room.  He emerged with a grin on his face.

     “I’m an uncle again,”  he beamed.  “Benjamin Jacob.”

     He held out his phone with a picture of a newborn with a set of very proud parents.  She smiled at his happiness, and laughed at his plan of relentlessly badgering his twin over the name.  They settled into breakfast.  Rayne could not stop looking at the man next to her.  Joy exuded from him in a way that was refreshing and unexpected.

     “What time do we have to be at LUMA?”  she asked, pouring fresh coffee for both of them.

     “Not until eight tonight.  The day is ours.”

     She sat up straight, looking dead in his eyes.  “Ours?”

     “Yup.  Anything you want to do?”

     She grabbed her phone.  “Are you up for playing tourist?”

     “Why do I suddenly feel nervous?”

     Rayne shot him an evil look.  “Janie has a thing for ghost tours.  I will tell you, I have a thing for ghost tours, but for the history they provide, not necessarily the ghosts.  Although that can be really cool, too.  Gotta love controversial knowledge!”

     His eyes narrowed down to slits and his lips parted like he was honestly trying to follow what she was trying to say to him.  She laughed as her brain shot into orbit with everything they could do.  

     “Okay, so ‘maybe’ on the ghost tour.  How about a river tour?  Oooo, there’s a River, Architecture, Food and Wine tour.  I’m liking that.”

     “That sounds fun,”  he agreed with a nod.  “Here let me…”

     “Done.  Got us on the 3 o’clock, and it lasts for about 2 hours.  Perfect.”

     He looked at her from across the table.  He looked mad.  She wasn’t sure if he was upset because she set it up so quickly, taking control out of his hands.  Rayne swallowed as she lifted her cup of coffee.  He lifted his phone and started to quietly search.  He would not look at her even though it seemed like he wanted to.  She listened as he tapped his fingers and seemed to be looking at the time.  He cleared his throat and set the phone down.  

     “Doug is going to be waiting for us in five.  Can you be ready?”  he asked, standing up and chugging the rest of his coffee.

     “I’m ready,”  she said, grabbing their dishes and moving them to the dining cart.  “Where are we going?”

     He disappeared into his room only to reappear with his things and sunglasses.  He glanced at her with raised eyebrows like she was not moving fast enough.  She grabbed her backpack and was practically running after him as he moved to the elevator.

    “I’m sorry, I didn’t catch where we’re going,”  she said as she stood next to him.

    He shrugged with a grin.  Sliding his hand into hers as they got off the elevator, he practically yanked her along to the car.  She laughed at his sudden urgency.  

    Once belted in, she tried to watch the street signs.  “Jake, you have neglected to say where you’re taking me.”

     “Have I?  Sorry.”

     He squeezed her hand, but continued to not elaborate.  She took in a long slow breath.  Slipping her sunglasses on, she sat back and decided to just allow it to happen.  Whatever he was planning, it could be a surprise.  She could enjoy surprises.  Tapping her fingers on the door, she shifted uncomfortably.  Truly.  Surprises were great.  They were fabulous.  She loved it when Janie would go off the rails and surprise her by taking her places when they traveled.  It usually ended up with food poisoning, alcohol poisoning, sun poisoning.  All the poisonings.  

     She side eyed Jake who was almost gleefully looking out his window as if trying to pick at her.  The car suddenly swerved to the curb.  Doug nodded at him and he smiled in thanks.  He held onto her as he got out, making her slide out his door.  They were thrust onto a very busy sidewalk in front of a guy with a sign and a crowd.  Jake was practically beaming as he walked towards the man.  Rayne was slower to follow, trying to take in what he had gotten them into.

     “Oh my goodness,”  she whispered as Jake drew close to the gentleman with the sign.  She couldn’t help the laugh that bubbled out of her.  “A ghost tour.”

     Specifically, it was a tour of hot spots that were big with the Chicago mob of the 1920’s and 30’s known as “The Loop”.  The guide was even dressed up in old fashioned garb right down to the fedora and wingtips.  The walking tour lasted for ninety minutes.  Jake held her close the entire way.  Rayne was absolutely in her element, asking questions, bringing up little bits and pieces that she knew from her own random studies.  She could tell that she was challenging their guide, but he seemed to genuinely enjoy someone who was actually knowledgeable about the eras they were talking about, not just the murder and mayhem highlights that were typically not very accurate in film.

     “When you told me you didn’t like surprises, you really meant it,”  he said at the end of the tour.  “I thought you were going to take poor Doug out when he parked the car.”

     She shrugged.  “For as much as I like exploring, I discovered I’m very much an agenda loving person.  I plan it out and keep to the plan.”

      He grinned as he dragged her close enough to drape his arm across her shoulders.  She breathed in him, sure that he was going to kiss her.  He had a gravity that was hard not to feel.  He pushed his sunglasses up to the top of his head.  His eyes were squarely on her mouth.  Rayne felt her heart trip as a car horn caught his attention.  The smirk tugged at his mouth as he straightened and moved away.  She shook her head once at the sight of Doug waiting at the curb to take them to their next destination.

     In the car, he traced the back of her hand as he watched out the window smiling like the cat who got the canary.  Rayne could not help to draw herself closer to him, feeling the heat of his body close to hers.  The ride was short, much to her dismay.  He had once again opened up, pulling her into his side. 

     They had about forty minutes to kill before they got on board the river boat.  There was a little cafe where they were able to sit and just talk over a glass of wine.  He played with her rings nearly the entire time.   Once their group was called for the boat, Jake held her hand to help her across the little gangplank then found a more secluded spot to sit.

     As their boat left the dock, a very loud Tiki Bar Barge passed by.  Rayne’s mouth opened but Jake shook his head.

     “Oh, come on!  That would have been so much fun,”  she teased as the boat with half snockered people dancing around precariously on the deck. 

     “I kinda like this speed better,”  he said quietly, sitting back and looking directly at her.

     She smiled at him.  Rayne really just wanted to fold herself up next to him and see what would happen next, but a server with a very full tray of wine was drifting by.  She picked a mild white after debating about the semi-sweet red, while he took a more bold, dry red.  They sat back, listening to the guide talk about the various buildings and views of the city as their boat drifted down the river.  The guide talked about how in the late 1800’s, the river had been altered forever to run backwards in a major engineering feat.  Rayne felt calm as he pulled her closer in, wrapping his arm around her shoulders, allowing her cheek to land on his shoulder.  She looked at him and the softness that she felt pulsed through her.  The corner of his mouth stretched a bit into a smile that was inviting her in.

     Another server, this time with hor d'oeuvres leaned in with a large smile.  Jake let out a quiet laugh.  They took a few bites so that the lady could move along.  Rayne finished her wine just in time for him to help her back into place against him.  Just as she settled, another person was by with more wine.  She rolled her lips in between her teeth to keep from laughing out against Jake as he shook slightly.  Shooting him a dark look, she had to sit up fully.

     “I’m thinking the universe is just fucking with us now,”  she whispered, causing him to laugh out, much to the server’s dismay.  She looked at Jake who continued to laugh softly.  “Sorry, that was rude of me.  You wouldn’t happen to have any semi-sweet red?  That looked amazing.”

     The server brightened as she said that was her favorite as she was fishing out a glass from the center.  “Just so you know, that is available for purchase on your way out.”

     “I may need a dozen bottles then,”  Rayne quipped and Jake just continued to laugh.

     They settled back.  Rayne was not going to fall for that ‘let me pull you just to be interrupted’ trick again.  She listened intently as they passed the Wrigley Building, Marina City, and the riverfront.  The rest of the tour was interesting.  This one did not foster questions like the walking tour, but it was fun once the third glass of wine hit.  By the time it was over, they were fairly buzzed.  Rayne made good on buying a few bottles to drag back to the room with her.  

      Meeting the car, they slid into the back seat with a hello to Doug.  Jake played with a piece of her hair as the car creeped along negotiating rush hour traffic.  Rayne’s phone pinged with a picture of Janie doing a shot with Jake’s picture behind her head.  She held it up to him with a smile.

     “She says she owes you a few shots for getting me to go on vacation,”  she said, putting down the phone.

     “That woman could drink me to an early grave and laugh about it,”  he remarked, leaning in closer.  “Sorry Doug, I can’t wait any longer.”

     He brushed her cheek with his fingertips before he pressed his lips to hers, turning her into marshmallow.  She tried to keep her brain clear but he just was tender and firm and spicy all at once.  He hummed softly as he pulled away, hand still cupping her cheek.  She leaned in again, taking him.  This time, her brain shut down and just relished the way he felt against her.

     He didn’t break from her until the car rolled to a stop.  She blinked a few times trying to clear the fog.  He was already out of the car, hand out for her to take.  She took hold of her bag of wine and stepped out to him, capturing the look that was etched on his face.  Her heart clenched a bit.  With his sunglasses pushed up on his head, his eyes were clear and there was something else playing just behind them.  It was warm and comforting and becoming more amplified the closer she stepped to him.

***

     Jake breathed in slowly.  Sitting on the balcony, smoke in hand, he read the text from Josh a few more times before tossing the phone to the side.  If the man could get any more cryptic he would be the fucking dungeon master.  Sam had sent new pictures of him holding little Benjamin.  The love in his brother’s face was nearly too much.  It was the look on his mother’s face that really floored him. She absolutely beamed holding that tiny form against her.  

     “Hey,”  Rayne said softly from behind him, surprising him out of his thoughts.

     He crushed his smoke before he stood up.  He nearly fell back into his chair at the sight of her.  Last night’s jeans had made her legs look like they were miles long.  Tonight’s gauzy sundress made her look ethereal.  The softest green against her tanned skin made him lick at his lip.

     “Wow,”  he breathed, unsure if she was real.

     “I can say the same,”  she said with a grin as she reached for his pack of smokes.

     She had braided her hair to follow the crown of her head, leaving the rest to fall free around her shoulders. She looked more like a medieval portrait of a fairy goddess than a human.  Her confidence was growing around him and it was the sexiest thing that he was privy to witness.  

    The ride to the museum was nice.  She was really excited for the exhibit, and he could not deny that he was interested as well.  Her wonder was amazing to watch unfold.  She was not afraid to show her intelligence, nor was she not afraid to expand that intelligence through questions and learning and observation.  The day was just right.  Seeing her just enjoy her time was enlightening.  

     They were only about thirty minutes late.  He was going to have to walk the entrance, and she was more than happy to skirt the cameras.  She waited for him at the door, looking like she could barely contain herself from running inside to feed her brain.  The party atmosphere was contagious as the classic album was played in the background.  They walked the first part of the exhibit that was made up of mostly Zeppelin album covers, original photographs, and concert artwork.  He dropped back to grab drinks while she coasted ahead to a piece that required headphones.

     “Hey, rock god,”  a familiar voice called out to him.

     He looked around, his eyes falling on the singer.  “Luna!  Good to see you.”

     She pecked him on the mouth before she hugged him.  “Wow, you clean up nice.  So good to see that smile.  How you doing?”

     “Good,”  he said, his eyes sweeping to make sure that Rayne was still at the sound booth.  “Very good.”

     “No,”  she blurted after she followed where he was looking.  “You’re kidding me right?  Is that the hottie librarian?”

     “Rayne.  Yeah,”  he said before taking a drink of his beer.

     “Must’ve been some dinner.”

     “I think I made a good impression.”

     They started to catch up just as Rayne turned to search him out.  Jake saw her eyes widen slightly and he thought for a moment, she may just move on to the next booth.  He held her wine up and beckoned her to join him.  She actually blushed a bit.

     “Oh my god, she’s adorable,”  Luna said quietly.  “Don’t worry, darling, I’ll bite him before I bite you.”

     Rayne’s smile grew wider as Jake laughed.  “Nice,”  he commented as he handed her the wine glass before he made introductions.

     Luna let her fangirl a bit before looping her arm through Rayne’s and leading her away from Jake with questions.  He squeezed his eyes shut when she looked back at him.  Luna really had become a close friend over the past years after meeting her on tour.  The music initiative had been a way to just spend time with his friend.  Watching Luna grill Rayne was a sight to behold.  He finished his beer quickly and turned to get a fresh bottle before joining them.

     He was stopped by a few people.  Jake tried not to lose where the women were heading, but ultimately lost where they flitted off to.  He wandered, stopping to talk to those souls he knew.  Finally, curving around a soft corner, he saw them together, headphones on, jumping around in front of the display of “Ramble On”.  It was a testament to Luna and her ability to make fast friends with just about anyone.  Rayne caught his eye and waved at him.  Luna stuck her tongue out before grabbing her, twirling her around and finally dipping Rayne with a peel of laughter.  

      The rest of the evening found him dancing with the two ladies, talking with a host of people he barely knew, endless pictures, and a killer buzz that made him want to be sloppy.  It was closing in on two before they found the car.  Rayne’s eyes were sleepy after her hours with Luna.  He pulled her close to him, snuggling her in to rest on the way back to the hotel.  He felt his own need to rest as her warmth fed into his.  There was something in the way she touched him that exuded comfort.  

     Getting back to the room, they parted, cleaning the night off before returning to the main room.  To see her fresh scrubbed with her hair all pinned up on top of her head made him smile.  Another storm was rolling in off the lake.  They sat, each sipping at water as the lighting flared in the distance.  Before she began to droop too badly, he retrieved a pillow from his room for her to lay down on.  He gently smoothed her hair from her face as her eyes grew heavier.  The way she smiled sweetly at him made him flutter a bit.  This creature trusted him and it sent him around the moon and back.  He waited until her breathing leveled and softened before he got up and retrieved blankets in a repeat of the previous night.

***

~Thursday~

     Rayne woke slowly.  Once again, she discovered that she was on the couch.  Instead of toe to toe, she was head to head with Jake.  His hand was threaded in her hair while the other hand held hers gently next to her face.  He was flush on his belly with his forehead next to hers on the pillow.  She vaguely remembered him getting the pillow but she was just so wrung out from her time with Luna and dancing with Jake that everything from the time they had gotten into the room until that moment was fuzzy.

     She tried not to wake him as she could hear his breath still heavy and even.  Instead, she allowed her eyes to close softly, just taking in his sound, the weight of his hand against hers, the smell of his hair.  Her thoughts immediately went to the way he kissed her in the car and how she so wanted to have more of that.  His mouth was addictive and she could only imagine what more would be like.  

     She lay for as long as she could just taking in the stillness of the room; of him.  His fingers twitched against her hand before wrapping tighter.  His other hand wound out from her hair slowly so as not to pull too hard.  

     “I’m beginning to think you don’t like beds,”  he said with a laugh.

     “I’m beginning to think you don’t like beds, either,”  she tossed back.

     “I thought it would be rude to leave you out here alone,”  he whispered, his mouth brushing her forehead.

     “God, how boring must you be if I fall asleep on you two nights in a row?”  she whispered back with a soft laugh.  She felt his lips press a chaste kiss to her hairline before he sat up.  She followed suit allowing her eyes to adjust to the morning.  “What time is this thing today?”

     “Uh,”  he kept his eyes squeezed closed against the light streaming through the windows.  “It opens at noon.  I’m supposed to be there about two, so three it is.”

     Rayne looked at her phone with a grimace.  “Better get a move on, princess.  It’s already after one.”

     “Damn, Birdie.  I think I kinda like you calling me princess,” he groaned as she was ripping off towards her room.

     “It’s too early for that,”  Rayne called out, her brain flying ahead of the day.

     “It’s afternoon!  Not too early!”  

     Hearing Jake laugh lightened her.  By the time she was out of the shower, in a fresh t-shirt and jeans with comfy walking shoes, Jake had ordered up breakfast and was waiting at the table for her.  She opted for dutch braids since she could not get her hair dry enough to cooperate.  He, of course, looked like Jake.  Effortlessly cool hobo.  How else would he look?

     He poured her coffee as she reached for a piece of toast.  They settled into a quick breakfast before meeting the car downstairs.  When they reached the convention center, there were people everywhere.  Jake took her hand as he was escorted in by an assistant handler.  There were certain booths that were expecting him, otherwise he was good to stroll.

     Rayne was genuinely curious about his passion.  She may have loved music, but had little knowledge about the ‘how’ music could be created, manipulated, projected, and whatever else that was needed to create an end product.  She let him lead, and he let her listen in to his conversations.  She asked questions that seemed to surprise him.  By the end of the show, she still had very little knowledge, but at least had more of an appreciation for what he was a part of as a professional musician.

     Getting back to the room in the very early evening proved a blessing.  Rayne could feel her brain going on overload.  It had been two days since her fingers had touched her keyboard and she just needed to jot a few ideas down.  Instead of deciding what to do for the evening, they parted to their rooms, only to drift back to the main area, Jake taking residence on the couch with his acoustic and Rayne at the dining table with her laptop.

     He strummed through chords, to which hit her mind just right.  As he settled into his own world of music, she found her fingers flying across the keys, unloading her thoughts about the past days.  Journaling was her vent, her way to unpack those bags that would eventually lead to stories that mostly kept to herself.  She descended into a realm of characters near to her heart, experiencing drama and angst.  

     At some point, he had gotten up to retrieve a beer.  She felt the vacuum of silence strike her ear and her fingers stopped on the keys like her stream of thought had been forcibly cut off.  She melted a bit at the feel of his hand between her shoulder blades.

     “You okay there?”  he asked softly, slowly dragging his hand up until his fingers landed at the base of her neck.  “You look pretty intense.”

      Her eyes drifted off to the bottom corner of her screen.  Somehow, three hours had zipped by.  She looked at the last sentences she had written, blushing slightly when she realized that she had traveled into more sensual waters.  She felt his fingers tracing down the length of her neck, soothing her nerves, even though her very turned on characters were sharing a moment in a hot scene of oral, and Jake was standing behind her, with those damn guitar fingers feeling the heat coming off her skin. 

      “Rayne?”  he asked again, leaning down closer to her.  

      She looked him dead in the ‘fuck me till dawn’ eyes that he was shooting her, her mouth slightly open as the smirk slid to the corner of his face.  When her voice escaped her throat, it was foreign to her own ears.  “I’d really like to kiss-”

      Before she could stop herself, she pressed her mouth to his, sucking his bottom lip.  It was like the sweetest taste mixed with the summer sunshine as he looped his arms around her and nearly yanked her to her feet for better access to her.  This was not their slow, sensual flirtation.  Nor was it the strike you in the nethers eye fuck that he could shoot without warning.  This was frenzied exploration.  This was clothes flying, mouths searching, exploration that held its own rhythm.  He lifted her with a squeak onto the low counter behind the table, her naked bottom landing with a smack.  He pushed his way in, jeans down, dick out and shoving right into her with a shared need.

      “Anything,”  she gasped as he pounded into her.  “Anything I need to know?”

      He stilled for a moment.  “Like what?”

      “Kinks…  What you…  Like… shit…”

      The first orgasm hit her hard and the look in his momentarily startled eyes  was endearing, followed by a wicked smirk.  “Well, I just learned something.  Are you a hyper?”

       “Hyper orgasmic and a-”

     From the look in his eyes, to the twitch in his cock, a lightning fast pulse strobed through her, this time, spraying around him in a hot, liquid shower of passion.

     “Fuck me,”  he whispered.  

      He yanked himself from her, falling to his knees, cranking both of her knees as wide as she would allow.  He hummed as he licked his lips, looking up at her with a gleam in those molten hot eyes.  Rayne felt her lungs constrict as he pressed his mouth to her cunt, sucking fiercely.  Stuff from the counter went flying as she leaned back in hopes of finding a hand hold.  Her body spasmed as another fast wave unfurled from her.  Jake stood up before her, her slick dripping from his chin and the biggest smile on his face.

      Rayne, once able to find breath and focus, gasped as dragged his hand across his face to collect the remnants of her, and lick it away as she watched.  The passion increased as he lined back up, moving inside her.  She was unsure how long…  Moments.  It was only moments before a fourth wave pounded her faster than he was.

      “Shit, Birdie,”  he whispered against her breasts.  “I think I just found my new favorite toy.”

      He stepped back, pulling himself out of her again.  Kicking his jeans to the side, he helped her down from the counter.  Taking her by the hand, he led her, cock pointing the way to his room.  Rayne liked the sight of his ass swaying as he moved.  It was better than she had pictured it over the past few days.  

      When he turned back to her, Rayne was ready, pushing him back onto the bed and making him scootch up closer to the massive headboard.  She knelt between his splayed legs, running her fingers from ankle to knee to thigh and back again as she swung her hair back over her shoulders and out of the way.  She felt powerful under his gaze.  

     She pumped him a few times before bending down, licking him from balls to tip.  The hiss that escaped him was beautiful.  So much so, she leaned back down, taking one ball then the other in her mouth and giving a little suck, a tender little scrape of her teeth against the delicate skin that earned a loud draw of breath. One more pump of her hand before she slid him into her mouth until he rested against the back of her throat.  The sound that rumbled from his chest egged her on.  She was painfully slow as she drew him back out.  Once at the tip, she pulsed him in and out, pressing him against the roof of her mouth.  He was practically singing, his hands in her hair as she repeated the process.   

      “Swing that ass up here,”  he said, his voice thick with need.

      She hummed as she pumped him as she sat back up.  “Liked that did you?”

      Carefully, she stepped one knee over his face.  He looped his arms around her hips and tugged her down roughly, immediately plunging his tongue into her.  White flashes pulsed in her vision as the air rushed out of her.  Falling forward, she continued the best she could as he tugged at her clit with both teeth and lips.  When he added fingers in his ministrations, she moaned around him as he fucked up into her mouth.  

      “I need,”  he started, falling quiet as repeated the pulsing at the tip before swallowing him down.  “Fuck, Birdie.  I need inside you.”

      The thought flitted through her mind on what to do next, and a smile ghosted her mouth as she looked between their bodies up at him.  One more lick and she rose up on her knees, quickly skirting to the side and straddling him, reverse cowgirl style.  She lowered herself onto his cock, with an instant reward of a growl.  She felt as he reached for her.  His fingers wrapped around her left hip as she ground down on him.  His other hand, however, ghosted across her skin in a way that let her know that he had discovered the scars.  Her heart fluttered and threatened as she waited for him to say something.  His fingers traced the tiny tattoo of the single word of ‘Mom’ with an open heart forming the ‘o’.  If this would have been twelve years ago, she would have never bore this piece of herself.  It was years before she did not insist on wearing a shirt or drape to hide her ugliness.  Three years ago, she finally saw that if her partner took issue with the scars, that was on them.  She could not erase what would never disappear from her.

      “I want to make you feel good, Jake,”  she whispered, looking over her shoulder at him.  “This is fun, right?”

      He rose up on his palms, still buried deep in her.  He kissed her shoulder before kissing her passionately.  Rayne turned, losing him for a moment, before she was facing him, nose to nose, looking directly into those eyes that shone with a care that warmed her.  He fucked up into her, their breath in each other’s face, as they rocked in time with each other.

      She could feel him thickening in her.  This man was a marathon runner and she was holding onto him for dear life as he flipped her onto her back and slammed back in, balls deep, much to both of their satisfaction.  He stretched her legs up, flying V style and wailed into her, his head dropping back with his mouth open.  Rayne thought she may just cry over the strength in the beauty he radiated.  Her core exploded one last time, spilling out onto him and sending her mind into places that she could never quite remember once the fog cleared.  The soft mewlings that poured him as he came forced her eyes to open and witness that very handsome man in his most feral state, staring down at her like she was prey he just conquered.  He let himself collapse on her, tangling his fingers into her hair to drag her as close as possible.  She smiled against his skin as the euphoria settled into her chest.

     His breathy laugh as he moved off of her lit her mind on fire.  Everything about this man was music, even his post sex sounds.  His hands slid onto his chest as he worked to get himself regulated.  Rayne rolled onto her side, propping herself up on her hand to see the view better.  

      “Damn,”  he sighed as he made eye contact.  “That was unexpected.”

      “I think we destroyed this bed for the night,”  she said with a smile.

      “Uh, yeah…”

      She stood and took his hand to help him off the soaked mattress.  She had to gain her bearings as her legs were still trembling before she led him into the bathroom.  She grabbed one of his hair ties to pin up her hair as he turned the shower on.  He tugged her inside to help clean her off.  Rayne smiled at him as he tenderly began to  wash her himself, not allowing her to do anything.  His fingers dragged across her skin, leaving little heat trails everywhere he touched her.  This was not sexual.  This was about Jake taking care of her and it was sweet and endearing, and just tender.

      He held the hotel provided robe open for her to step in while he quickly toweled off and opted for shorts.  He held up a pack of smokes and she gladly followed him to the balcony.  The humid air wrapped itself around her as she perched on one of the chairs.  Jake held out a lit smoke for her, which she took gladly.

     “So, Farrah,”  he said with a smile, “what’s your record for orgasms?”

     She narrowed her eyes at him.  “Farrah?”

     “Yeah, as in Fawcett… Well, faucet,”  he said with a demon grin, smoke between his teeth.

     She rolled her eyes.  “Nice.”

     He laughed.  The sound was light and melodious.  She took a long drag in an attempt to show some kind of mock anger.

     “Well?”  Jake said with a perked eyebrow.

     “Eight,”  she said quietly.

     “Goddamn,”  he said, his eyes unfocused, looking like he was plotting their next session.  

      They fell into silence, the city noise enveloping them in a comfortable cocoon.  Jake finally sat down next to her, taking her hand into his.  Rayne noted that he kept his eyes trained on the skyline and lake before them.  He was just as beautiful in his silence as he was in his joyful, noisy state.  Her heart ached a bit as she wondered if there would be more to all of this, or if this week would be theirs alone to move on from.

     She crushed her smoke and sat back, sipping at her water.  He stretched beside her as he sunk down in his chair.

     “May I ask what happened?”  he whispered, eyes still on the horizon.

     Rayne felt a little hiccup of tension break in her belly.  She may have figured out how to deal with her scars during sex, but putting it to words for the first time with a new partner was harder.  Handing him her glass of water, she bit into her lip before dragging her hand up across her face.

     “End of my sophomore year, Mom came to pick me up from the dorms.  I had had a really hard semester and she just wanted to take care of her baby.”  She felt his hand slide into hers giving her a little squeeze for encouragement.  “We had big plans that summer.  We had a space reserved up on the UP to camp and we were rushing home to get all of our stuff.”

     “Beautiful up there,”  Jake said softly as he handed back her glass.  

     “We hit a deer,’  she continued.  “But when she hit it, there was no real stopping.  There was a logging truck behind us.  Mom tried not to swerve, but…”

     Jake cursed as she took a sip of water.  She remained quiet for a long time and he let her.  She felt that day so near to her heart so often.  Taking a breath to steady herself, she nodded slowly.

    “Mom died on impact.  I wound up with three fractured and one herniated discs.”  Another breath to steady herself.  Jake held firm.  “I had to have four surgeries to repair most of the damage.  It was another eighteen months of physical therapy before I could return to school full time.  I couldn’t stay in Superior.  Everything there was Mom.”

     He pressed her hand to his mouth.  “I’m so sorry, Birdie,”  he whispered against her skin.  “I can only imagine the strength you must have to survive it for this long.”

     Her brows knit together as she put his words together.  When others found out about her mother, they were quick to apologize and try to empathize in a way that soothed their nerves.  Jake did not.  He didn’t fall into the ‘she’s in a better place’, or ‘thank goodness she didn’t survive as i’m sure the medical issues would have been catastrophic.’  He saw her instead of only the loss or incident.

     “What’s your itinerary for tomorrow?”  she asked, handing him back what had turned into a shared glass.

     “Interviews, appearances, practice, repeat,”  he answered after finishing off the last of the water.  “I think management has me booked from noon to midnight.” 

     “Long day.”  

    She waved the empty glass at him before she headed back inside for more.  He followed her, tossing his pack of smokes on the table next to her laptop.  She eyeballed the screen to see if it had gone to sleep or was revealing the searing scene that she had written and then basically had played out in real life with him.

     “What are your plans?”  he asked, immediately taking the refreshed glass from her with a sneaky smile.

      She grinned before she retrieved another glass for herself.  “I thought I’d do a bit of shopping, maybe a stint in the spa.  Perhaps take a nap.  If I’m on forced vacation,  I might as well enjoy it, right?”

    His eyes drifted closed.  She took the moment to move closer to touch his face.  The way his hair fell made him look vulnerable in the best way.  His brows twitched as she traced the ridge of his cheek.  When his eyes opened, they were dark like melted chocolate.  There seemed to be a weight to his gaze like he was thinking through things well above her pay grade.  She dragged her fingers down his jawline, maintaining eye contact, albeit, barely.  

     She continued, drifting her fingertips across his chin and down his neck.  Rayne kissed the tender skin beside his Adam’s apple before dragging her hands, palms pressed to him, down over his chest to his soft belly.  Her eyes found her hands and locked.  The stray thought of wanting to make out with his belly button nearly made her laugh.  

     “Rayne?”  he whispered.

     She hummed an answer, but was hyper fixated on how his shorts were riding obscenely low on his hips.

     “May I make you feel good?”

     His eyes burned in on her, his mouth hovering just over her own.  She brought her hands back up, ghosting across the endless silk of his skin that burned just below her touch.  “I would like that.”

      “Shall we destroy the other bed?”

      “Fuck yes,”  she sighed.

      He leaned back, eyes on hers, fingers tracing down both her arms.  The whisper of a smile passed over the curve of his lip as he turned her towards her room.  He slid his hand across her hip to guide her forward.  The anticipation coiled in her belly as he took the reins.  By the time she was next to the bed, she could feel herself dripping for him.  He slipped his hands around both hips, untying the belt of the robe and pulling it open until it fell in a pool at her feet.  He placed one kiss on the back of her shoulder that sent a shiver through her.

     “I want you to lay down on your belly, please,”  he whispered into her ear, as he tugged free the hair tie to let her hair swish down around her.

     She looked at him, finding a heat in his eyes that made her stomach flutter and her cunt clench with want.  She complied, laying down on her stomach, her hands under her chin as if she was waiting for a back rub.  She heard the soft fall of his shorts hitting the floor.  Her eyes flitted closed as she felt the bed dip under his weight.  His hand wrapped around one ankle letting her know where he was before passing over her calf to the thigh and finally resting on the swell of her ass.  His other hand came down between her shoulder blades.  His hand pulled at her hip, lifting her bottom slightly.  He then put a little pressure on one thigh to move it forward and up, followed by the other to what she could only imagine were splayed frog legs, with her weight falling onto her bent knees to lift her ass more.  

     A low hum rumbled through his chest as he moved between her feet.  He whispered something, but the words were too far away to hear.  Though she felt extremely exposed, the way he kept his hand on her low back grounded her; it seemed to give her a point of security.  She tried to look over her shoulder, but all she could see was his shoulder as he bent down behind her.  

     Soft kisses began to rain down on her low back, across her ass and the tops of her thighs.  He dragged his fingers through her folds painfully slow, eliciting a groan from her that made her blush.  Jake kissed one side of her very inner thigh, then the other.  The anticipation was killing her.  She was fairly sure if he breathed on her just the right way, she would explode into a stream of orgasm that would have no return.

     “You’re quivering,”  he whispered.  

     The vibration of his voice combined with the lightest of touches against her clit and the blaze swooshed over her, launching her into the stratosphere.  He practically growled as he pressed his face to her.   Rayne barely had time to shift and appreciate the way he was suckling her clit before another strobe barreled through her, robbing her breath and shoving her forward, face planting in the mattress.  He guided her back with a strong hand.

      “That was beautiful,”  he said directly into her pussy.

      She fought through the fog as she realized that he was not talking to her cunt.  She dragged in a breath just as Jake pushed his tongue into her entrance as deep as he could, his fingers lazily circling her clit.  He pulsed his tongue fast, slow, in circles and back again until she sprayed so hard she was afraid she was going break something inside.  That naughty hum was back as she felt him shift, planting a kiss on her tailbone.

     His fingers drifted up, dipping in her, bending and twisting.  “May I?”

     His fingers danced out of her, moving to her ass and giving it a little swirl with a drenched finger.  The sensation was overwhelmingly dirty.  Something completely different from the nearly light infused touches, this felt sinister in the best of ways.

     She hissed as she felt his mouth lay open kisses against her ass cheek.  “Fuck yes, please.”

     Rayne had not been touched this way since college when her lovers had been a bit more adventuresome.  Jake wasted no time, his tongue flicking out to rim the silk of the entrance, his fingers sliding into her cunt, with his palm grinding into her clit mercilessly.  She realized that she felt like he was playing her body like one of his extended songs, rising and falling, pounding and soft.  She felt transcendent.  Her brain launched into the nether as her body spasmed in a way it had never before.  Every muscle shook from pleasure.  She could not keep the moan that tore from her chest, nor the way her back arched to present herself even more to him.  

     “I am going to fuck that pussy,”  he said, his voice rough.  “You’ll want to hold on.”

     She felt Jake rise behind her.  Rayne reached forward, gripping the headboard for stability, much to the sound of his pleasure.  She finally was able to see behind her fully, he was stroking his length, making eye contact with her.  The lust that shone in his face was pornographic.  Her heart exploded at the sight.  He nodded to her as he pressed the head of his cock against her clit and started to pump himself hard against her.  

      “Oh… oh… shit… Jake,”  she rambled at the new feel of frenzy.

      She was sure the clubbing that her clit was taking was going to be tender in the morning, but damn, she felt like she was being engulfed in flame and ice and everything oh so nice.  Another wave pummeled her brain and body.  She felt her head lull forward as she was sure she was struck blind.  He released a low grunt as he slammed into her hard, bottoming out with a satisfied slap against her ass.  His hands pawed at her hip and shoulder as he ground into her.  If the first part was for her, this was all him.  Rayne shoved back at him, to ensure that he could take however, whatever he wanted.  

     He tugged on her shoulder and she lifted herself up.  He guided her hands high on the headboard, never once slowing down his pace inside of her.  He grabbed at her breasts, palming the flesh and wringing her nipples between his knuckles.  He was sucking at her shoulders and neck in such a soft manner that was completely opposite of what his hands and hips were doing to her.  She turned her head to look at him.  His eyes were screwed shut.  HIs body was absolutely rigid with focus.

     “Jake,”  she whispered.  He did not respond.  His face was a solid mass of concentration.  She repeated his name again, this time, his body slowed against her.  When he looked upon her, the fervor stained his eyes to almost black.  “Let me have it.”

       He grabbed her hair and craned her back nearly flush against him as he started to pound her.  Her body shook as her orgasm hit, but this time stayed with her like the finale of a fireworks show.  It shimmered in her vision.  It rippled through every fiber of her.  Rayne knew she was not a noise maker, but this man was making sounds come from her that she never knew she could make, in notes that she was sure she could never make again.  She felt beautiful, powerful.  His breath became stuttered as he grew erratic.  Her brain cleared just enough for one more spasm to ripple her as he came into her hard with a stream of obscenities choking out of his perfect mouth.

     Rayne felt him place his cheek against her back as his hands snaked around her belly to hold her.  She laughed out a breath, feeling exasperated and unbound.  “Damn,”  she giggled as his breath slowed against her skin.  “That was fun.”

     He grinned against her skin before planting a kiss against the heat that still radiated from her.  “I think we need to hose down again.”

     She nodded against him and he very tenderly slid from her, pushing back against the headboard to straighten both of them up so it was easier to move off the bed.  He held his hand out to her to help her down, and waited with a satisfied smile as she needed a moment to find her legs. They were slow to clean up, just enjoying each other’s space and quiet and soft touches.

      He snuck out to the balcony as she was drying her hair.  When she emerged, she saw that he had the blankets back out on the couch with pillows.  There was a fresh glass of water waiting for her on the coffee table.  Jake was outside, smoke in hand, phone pressed to his ear.  He was animated as he was speaking, his hand waving around, his eyes pinched with tension.  Turning back with glass in hand to the dining table, she sat down to read the news and check mail.  Her phone had a few texts from Mae with pictures of her babies.  She smiled into the screen as Master Bridges lay across Billy’s lap being the tummy rubs whore that he was.  Janie had sent a text showing her picture of her with her index finger resting inquizicly to her temple with questions on how things were going.  By the time she answered Janie back with a rather tongue in cheek “wouldn’t you like to know”, Jake had come back inside, totally distracted.  His phone was ringing again as he ducked back into his room.

     “I don’t want to talk about this right now, Josh,”  he snapped as he disappeared.  “This is not how we are.  We need to do this in person and together.”

     She plastered her eyes to her laptop screen trying her hardest not to listen.  His voice was tight as he moved back outside.  She looked out to find him with his back to her.  Whatever it was that was going on, she knew it was not his normal.  Glancing at her clock, she knew it was late.  He talked for another half hour while she took a peek at work.  Her orders had arrived and had been checked in to the main branch.  The Hamilton branch had their two orders in waiting for her to catalog.  Fearing the wrath of Mae, she logged out of the work site and meandered into the news.  Glancing back out to the balcony, she saw that Jake still was on his phone albeit less animated.  He glanced over his shoulder at that moment, catching her looking at him.  He seemed to relax as the smile returned.

     Turning back to her laptop, she shut it down as if she were just caught doing something she wasn’t supposed to.  Her phone pinged and Jake’s face popped up.  Smiling at his profile picture, she looked back out to find that he was practically pressed against the door, his face holding a wide smile that was cheesy and adorable. 

       She stood and grabbed two beers from the refrigerator before joining him.  “Looked like you could use this,”  she said as she stepped out into the thick night air.

     He had already lit another smoke. He held up the pack for her, but she shook her head. 

     “You okay?”  she asked as he smiled at her.

     “Yeah,”  he said before taking a long swallow of beer.  “Just stupid shit that I cannot control, but I try to anyway.”

     She fell quiet, reading his body and seeing that he needed to be still.  They stayed in silence for nearly ten minutes before his phone starting pinging like crazy.  He silenced it with a glare and tossed onto the table beside her.  He looked at it like he wanted to murder it before he plunked down in the chair next to her, grabbing her hand in his as if looking for a way to ground himself.

     She traced the skyline and the lake countless times before he stirred again.  He set his beer down, empty and looking forlorn.  She handed hers over, though it was only half gone.  He barely glanced at it before looking at her.  

     “Thank you for tonight,”  he said softly.  

     “I enjoyed it myself,” she said with a bit of pride in her tone.

     “Oh I know you did, Birdie,”  he said, kissing her palm.  “Ten.”

      The shit-eating grin that was plastered on his face just illuminated his features in such a way that thrilled her that she did not dare correct him that it was actually eleven.  But who was really counting?

     They sat for a while, but she was feeling her eyes droop.  He tenderly took her by the hand leading her inside.  It was almost like he was tucking her in, but she did not mind.  His breath back in her hair and his warmth against her body and she was asleep in moments, not hours.

***

~Friday~

     “I want you to take the car,”  he said from his room.

     “Cabs are fine,”  she said, pouring out cups of coffee.  “Or if all else fails, I don’t mind ride share.”

     “I want you to take the car, Rayne, please,”  Jake said, standing in the doorway, buttoning up his pants, shirtless, and hair still dripping wet.  “I just want to know that you are safe.  You take the car, and I know I won’t have to worry, okay?”

     Rayne only heard every third word.  The edge was back in his voice.  After she had fallen asleep, she had startled awake to find that he was back on the balcony, talking on his phone.  Her concern was that he was being protective because of the previous night.  But the look in his eye brought her back to the night they had dinner at Janie’s.  He genuinely just wanted to know she was okay.  The fact that they had sex was not a factor.

     “You keep looking at me like that, Birdie, and neither of us will be able to leave,”  he threatened, but walked back into his room to finish getting ready.

     She flitted in after him, catching him off guard.  “Can I help?”

     “I’m already going to be late,”  he huffed as he was towling his hair.

     “Okay, let me do this for you,”  she took the towel away then reached for his brush.

     She noticed that his hands drifted down to the counter as she started to carefully brush out his hair.  His eyes were closed as she cued up the hair dryer.

     “Which shirt are you wearing?”  she asked.

     “You pick,”  he whispered as she slowly dragged her fingers through the thick tangles of hair.

     “You want a braid?”  she asked, keeping her focus on her task. 

      “No,”  he answered back.

     She kept on until his hair was dry enough to finish on its own despite the humidity.  Turning to the closet, she flipped through the six shirts.  She glanced out at him and would have said something snarky, but his whole demeanor was not flirty Jake.  Whatever was going on, it was troubling him and he was keeping it very close.  Picking a rather careworn black and dark purple button up, she also took out the belt.

     Rayne placed a tender kiss between his shoulder blades before reaching under his arms.  Carefully, she looped the belt into the jeans, gently brushing her thumb across the exposed skin around his middle.  All the while he stood looking at her from the mirror.

     “You do not need to tell me if there is something troubling you right now,”  she whispered against his skin as she secured the buckle.  “But it seems like there’s a million pound weight across these fabulously sexy shoulders.  I’m ready to listen when you are ready to talk.”

     She kissed his shoulder as if she was highlighting the visible tension in the muscle.  With care, she slid the shirt up his arms, smoothing it across his back before turning him to face her.  He dragged his fingers across her cheek as she buttoned the shirt, stopping three  from the top.  She placed another kiss just below his ear and was rewarded with a soft hum.

     “You keep looking at me like that, Jacob,”  she whispered as she reached behind him for his pendant, “and I won’t let you leave this room.”

     “Goddamn,”  he ground out as she slipped the necklace over his head.

     “I will take the car,”  she continued, her voice low and whiskey soft, straightening his hair to fall across his shoulders.  “I will be careful.”

     “Thank you,”  he rasped.  “May I text you in my down time?”

     “I would like that,  Shall we get you downstairs?”

      She took him by the hand and led him out to the main room.  He was texting Doug while she was moving around, grabbing her things.  She checked her phone to make sure she had her own itinerary set in her map function.  She had woken early to find him with his hand in her hair and sound asleep.  She spent the better part of two hours watching over him and picking out stores and shops to stop in through the day.  She retrieved one of the small to go cups and poured a fresh cup for him to take along.  

     “I’m sorry you didn’t get anything to eat,”  she said, setting the cup in front of him.  “You want me to grab you a few pieces of this…”

     He stood after getting his very carewore boots on, his eyes roasting in on her.  He kissed her softly, despite the look that felt like she was going to be breakfast.  “Thank you for helping me this morning.”

     She smiled as he picked up the cup and shooed her towards the door.  Rayne felt him thread his fingers between hers as they stepped off the elevator and he did not let her go until the car pulled in front of the staging area at the venue.  His face was blank as a sea of people moved around all with work to do and he was going to have to put himself into the mix.  A handler appeared at the door, waiting for him, and it was like someone had burst the safe little bubble that they had been in for over two days.  With a squeeze of his hand, he was gone.  She felt a little sad at the sight of his hesitancy.

     “Alright, Doug,”  she sighed as he looked back at her.  “I’ve got a map to share.”

     Her day was blessed with humidity, rain, and people everywhere.  She danced in and out of shops, snapping pictures for Janie of items that she thought her friend would like.  She found a thank you gift for Mae and Billy.  After spending the better part of the afternoon in an antique book store, she had an early dinner at a cafe with the coolest rooftop seating that she could sit back and people watch while reading her new book.  Jake texted two word messages throughout the day to let her know he was still alive.  She sent him a picture of the trunk of the car with its increasing number of bags.  

     Rayne discovered a liquor store that specialized in international labels.  She grabbed four bottles of mead and sent Janie a picture that Doug snapped for her.  Her friend threatened to take the next flight to party with her.  Next door, there was one of those little artisans shops that featured little known artists and many different mediums.  She felt the day wearing in on her, but decided to make one last stop.  

     She was instantly overwhelmed.  Hard sculpture, hand crafted textiles, paintings, and sketches welcomed her.  Her eye was caught by the jewelry counter.  There was an arrangement of rings and bracelets that she cooed over.  She tried on a few of the bracelets, setting on a set of silver studded bangles that she could wear Sunday night.  On the bottom shelf of the case, there were a range of polished stone necklaces.  One in particular made her really focus on it.  Set in silver, it was a dusty red, yellow, black and orange stone about the size of a quarter.  The chain was a bit thicker, so it would survive a man or woman who was active.  The gentleman behind the counter smiled as she pointed to the piece.  

     “The artist is from Tombstone,”  he said as he withdrew the case it rested in.  “Really cool story.  Her husband mines the stone and she turns his work into pieces like this.  Remarkable, isn’t it?”

     “Tombstone, Arizona?”  she asked to which he nodded.  “What kind of stone is that?”

     “Fire agate,”  he said, handing her the small card that went with the piece.  “Would you like to try it on?”

     “It would be for a friend.”

     Fire agate: grounding and protective properties.  lends to personal creativity and             personal strength.

     She rubbed her thumb across the glittery stone’s smooth surface with a smile.  There was no choice in the matter.  She knew it would be perfect for Jake.  The gentleman rang her up and she put the small bag into her purse before leaving the shop.  She asked Doug to take her back to the hotel.  She got a text from Jake just before they were pulling up to the main lobby door.  When she texted back, he immediately called her.

     “All done for the day?”  he asked, his voice tired.

     “Yeah.  I’m afraid Doug wouldn’t have enough space for me to buy anything more,”  she teased as he helped out.  The driver smiled at her as he opened the trunk.

     “I can hold on to anything that you do not need,”  he whispered as she leaned over her day’s treasures.

     “That’s so sweet,”  she said in return, taking a bottle of wine and the bag from the bookstore out.  “Thank you for being patient with me today.”

     Jake waited for her interaction to be done before she returned.  “They did feed you, correct?  Or do you need me to bring you something?”

     “Yeah.  I did get lunch.  They’re dragging me to this party tonight, so not sure when I’m going to get in,”  he grumbled.

     “Will tomorrow be easier?”

     There was a silence on the other end that made her look at her phone to see if she was still connected.

     “Not really,”  he answered finally.  “I’ll have to be out here at ten in the morning.  I know there are those few sets you want to see, and I should be able to join you for those in the evening.”

     “Great.”

     There was another voice on his end of the call.  Rayne knew it was her cue that their conversation was coming to a fast end.  She pushed open the door to their room to find a bouquet of flowers on the kitchen counter.  These were not roses or orchids.  These were ferns and iris and crocuses and daisies that looked like they could be from her home.

     “Are you in the room?”  he asked, his voice low.

     She pulled the card.  Sorry I can be a moody bastard.

     She laughed.  “I think we can all be moody bastards, Jake, but if that was your ‘moody’, it makes me nervous for you to see what mine looks like.  Thank you.  They’re lovely.”

     “I’ll see if I can cut this short.  I’d very much like to see you,”  he said before they said their goodbyes.

     Rayne settled into the quiet of the evening with her flowers on the dining table, wine in hand and her stories that were waiting for her.

***

     Jake eased into the room, feeling a little guilty that he indeed did not get away from the party early as he wanted.  It was nearly three in the morning, his head was spinning from too much whiskey, and his throat ached from smoking too much.  Rayne had left the kitchen light on for him.  He smiled at the sight of the flowers on the table next to her laptop.

     He half expected to see her laying out on the couch as they had yet to really sleep in either bed, but the couch was empty.  Peeking into her room, she was not there, either.  A soft grin tugged at the corner of his mouth.  Grabbing a glass of ice water, he tiptoed into his room, finding her curled up in the massive bed.  She had left the bathroom light on for him to see his way around.  It had been a long time since anyone had thought of him in that manner.  

     Looking at his phone, he saw there were texts from Josh and Danny.  Too tired to read, he set his alarm for eight before plugging it in on the nightstand.  He quickly cleaned himself up, washing the night off.  He slid into the bed and fitted up against her.  It had been a long while since he had wanted that kind of connection with anyone.  She shifted in her sleep, responding to his presence.  He breathed in the clean smell of her hair and skin.  It soothed his nerves and calmed his mind from the day.

***

~Saturday~

     Rayne woke just after seven to discover miles of Jake wrapped around her in a tangle of limbs, hair everywhere, and..  And…  A wicked smile crossed her mouth at the feel of him against the small of her back.  She missed waking up to a man in the bed.  There was something so sexy being wound around each other, being able to hold on even when sleeping.  

     She shifted her hip just so to rub, but maybe not wake.  He was so asleep he did not even move.  Slipping out of the bed to sneak to the bathroom, Rayne was amazed she had somehow turned into a ninja.  Typically, a bull in a china shop was more her style, but she slipped in and out of the bathroom without so much as a whisper of noise.  She tiptoed out to the kitchen, bringing up her laptop to order up some breakfast.  Next task, sneaking back into the room without waking him.  

     Rayne, tiptoed back into his room, closing the door with the softest click possible.  He shifted on the pillows, but seemed to still be asleep.  She leaned against the door for a moment as she debated what she wanted to do:  slide back in next to him, or would he like to be surprised and wake up to her mouth on him?  Debate over, she started moving forward, only to be stilled by him sitting up.

     “Take off those panties, Birdie,”  he rasped as he slid out of the bed hard as stone.  

     She complied and was trying to tear off her t-shirt as he moved up on her, shoving her into the wall.  His fingers drifted across her breasts and down her belly.  It was as if he was going to burn her to embers with his body heat.  His eyes bore into her as he skimmed his nose against her cheek before landing on her mouth in a passion filled kiss.  She had to hold on for dear life as he flipped her leg over his hip, plunging his hand into her, one at her clit, two in her cunt and his pinky saying hello to her ass.  Her mouth stretched open allowing a throaty moan to escape before he lapped at her lips.  She was already flooding down her legs as he pressed his cock into her hip, grinding himself in search of some kind of relief.  

      “Jake,”  she whispered, cumming hard again on his hand.  “Wait…  Wait…”

     “Damn, you’re just…”

     “Jake, stop… I want-”

     He stilled.  They stood nose to nose, both gasping for air.  He cupped her cheek as if he could pull the words she wanted to say right out of her brain.

     “May I make you feel good?”  she asked, sliding her leg back from his hip, and taking his hand from her.  “Please.  Let me do this for you.  I want to take care of you.”

     She slid down the wall onto her knees, all the while keeping eye contact.  He brushed his thumb across her bottom lip while licking his own.

     Rayne placed a gentle kiss at the top of his thigh before taking him into her mouth.  He hummed as his hands went to her hair.  She moved slowly at first, working his balls with one hand.  He started to pump into her on his own as she pressed herself against the wall of stability.  Her fingers gripped one ass cheek while the other explored.  She kept her eyes up on his face to measure his comfort as she pressed in that space between the up front and the back room.  His mouth parted as his eyes locked on her.  She ghosted one finger across his lone entrance and his hips bucked against her, but his eyes clouded with lust.  She swallowed him down as she pressed her ring finger into his silk, rolling it across and back again.  His hands fisted into her hair and the most melodious growl ripped through his chest.  The drool from her mouth washed down her chin as he pumped into her faster.  Her cunt dripped with want, but she kept her focus on him.  Rolling that finger again, she began to gently swirl one way then the other, not with intent of penetration.  That would just be rude without lube.  But then, the idea came to her.  He continued fucking into her face and she dipped her fingers into her center before bringing them back up to him.  He gasped as she returned her finger back to him, pushing in with her own lubed finger.  His eyes were lust filled and beautiful and feral as she swirled and pushed into him.  She felt her cunt clench to nothing just from the sounds and sensations he was giving her.  She sucked hard as she felt her ring finger reach its top against him.  

      “Rayne,”  he gurgled out.  

      She kept swallowing him down as he grew erratic and thick and impossibly hot in her mouth.  The cum shot down her throat to her hum, and his ass tightened around her finger.  She kept her eyes up as his chin fell forward to his chest as she brought him down gently.  She slipped her finger back out just as he began to collapse to the floor before her.  He laughed as he brought his forehead to hers, gasping for breath.  

     “Fuck, Birdie,”  he whispered between gulps of air.  

     He kissed her swollen mouth carefully before falling into her.  She held him for as long as he’d let her, brushing his hair back over his shoulder and out of his face as he recovered.  He traced a finger across her breast as he breath heated one nipple until it was painfully hard.  

     His alarm belted the most annoying sound she had ever heard much to his chagrin.  He stood up, helping her along the way, before he turned quickly to grab the offensive object.  She dressed as he found himself already absorbed in messages.  She took a moment to just appreciate him standing naked, completely oblivious to how pretty he was to her.

      “Breakfast should be here soon,”  she said, moving behind him.

      He caught her hand as she wrapped it around him.  She kissed the base of his neck, leaving him to shiver.

     “Why don’t you shower and I’ll get the table cleared off,”  she whispered in his ear.  

     He kissed her hand before tossing his phone down again.  “Hey,”  he said, the smirk crawling up his cheek.  

     “No,”  she said, eyes firm, albeit playfully firm.  “No, Jake.  I will have you out of here on time.”

    “Sure.  Good luck with that.”

    The mischievousness that beamed out of his eyes eroded her flimsy resolve as he stalked her back up against the wall.  He slid his hand back into her panties, against her hip, sliding them down to the floor while craning her leg back over his hip.

     “Now where the fuck was I?”  he said smugly as he planted hot kisses down her neck, sending vibrations all the way to her core.

     His hand returned to her pussy, furiously working her clit in tight, hard circles.  He slammed up into her, all the while keeping the frenzied punishment on her clit.  She came hard on him as she gasped for air against his skin.  

      “Not gonna,”  he growled, pounding up into her, his teeth grazing her shoulder.

      Rayne’s head dropped back as she exhaled hard.  Her whole body shook as he came.  She had to hold him to keep from falling.  All her strength rolled out of her as her orgasm melted all rational thought from her mind.  It was all just him - Jake.  Just the way his hair smelled, the way his hands dug into her hips, the way his searing skin rubbed against her skin.  

      He brought her down slow, making sure she could stand before he stepped back, slipping out of her with a shiver.  He bent and picked up her panties before leading her into his bathroom.  He turned on the shower, holding her hand as she continued to regulate.

      “You okay?”  he rasped as he pulled her in behind him, a grin piercing his mouth.

      She nodded as he began to step under the water.  She washed quickly, stepping out to give him room to finish getting ready.  She wandered out to the kitchen, finding the dining cart.  She poured herself a coffee and peeked at the fresh fruit and croissant.  She saw that Mae had texted that her babies were fine.  Janie sent a picture of the view from the upper deck at sunrise that was just gorgeous.  

     She read the words over and over, feeling a bit sad that her friend, as gruff as she was, could express herself so eloquently.  Rayne sent a simple ‘missing you, too’ message that made her heart pinch a bit.  She felt him before she could see him as Jake walked into the room, planting a kiss to her cheek before sitting down with a cup of coffee.  

     “Hey, you okay?”  he asked, concern in his eyes.

     She nodded, holding up the picture that Janie had sent her.  He took the phone so he could see better.

     “I forget how pretty home can be.”

     He planted a kiss on her forehead.  “It is beautiful.”

     “Yeah.”  She sprang up as he sat down with coffee.  “You will eat before you leave here, understand?”

      She did the ‘Snoopy glare’ the whole time he sat at the table to ensure the man ate.  He made faces at her to silently show his opposition to her opinion, but after missing both dinner and breakfast the day before, she was not going to let Jake wipe out before his show Sunday, no matter his rock n’ roll god status.  She texted Doug to let him know that Jake was on his way downstairs as he finished his coffee.  

     He breezed out the door with a blow of a kiss and a smile.  Rayne felt like she had just run a marathon as she flopped down at the table, reaching for her laptop.  Her body may have been tired, but her brain had other plans.

***

     The Breakers Fest was a three day event that was held the third week of June.  It had been in production for twenty three years, celebrating blues and classic rock n’ roll.  Acts included a variety of artists from across the multitude of genres.  Typically, there was a theme or a particular band that was the focus of each fest.  Every act would include at least one song by the artist or band, or spin their take on the overall theme. When Rayne had seen the Breakers in her freshman year of college with her mother, they had tickets for all three shows.  They had lost themselves in music and each other.  She had never thought that it would be the last time she would attend a concert with her mother.  When Janie appeared with tickets a year after they had become friends, there was no way to say no.  She had not been to anything since the loss of her mom, so it seemed fitting that it should be a return to Breakers.  

     The few sets that Rayne wanted to see were not until the close of the day.  Having Doug drive her afforded her a little better access and didn’t get out to the venue until after six.  He had her passes to go directly into the cordoned off areas that were reserved for family and crew.  The two areas were tucked at the far left and right of the stage in little wedges with a wide buffer of security aisle and press space in between.  Rayne found herself on stage left, further back on the hill so she could see the performers.  She had already taken in two of three bands that she had really wanted to see.  Jake had been texting her throughout and it was looking like he was not going to be able to join her before the end of the show.  She tried not to feel disappointed as Dixie Blue strolled up on the stage.  The singer belted out their first song to screaming guitars and searing drums.  

     There was a commotion to her left that drew her attention.  She looked over to see a few of the press cameras pointed in her direction.  She tucked her chin as she felt someone move close to her on her right.  

     “Thought you weren’t going to make it,”  she said as he sat down next to her.

     “Had to sneak away, crawl through barbed wire, climb a few fences,”  he started, his grin tugging into a smirk.  “Dev’s amazing isn’t she?”

     The singer moved around the stage like a stalking cat.  She was all massive platform boots, leather and fierceness as she snarled into the microphone.  Her mother loved this band and its singer just for that reason.  The tiny form could hit notes that pierced the sky and the body of those lucky enough to witness.  

     “You should hear her and Josh together,”  Jake said, leaning back on his hands and stretching out his legs.  “Unreal.”

     She tried to focus on the band, but her mind would not allow her to truly clear.  Her mother was so close to her heart as the band ripped through back to back of her favorite songs.  Something that should have made her feel happy was having a markedly different reaction.  In her writing, she discovered that her mother probably would have loved to meet the man she was with for the weekend.  Jake was closer to any other guy her mother wished for her daughter.  

     “What’s going on?”  he asked, eyes trained on her.

     “Nostalgia sucks sometimes.”

     When she did not extrapolate, he tapped his toe to her own.  “Are you going to be okay?”

     “Yep,”  she said as the song drew to a close and the tone shifted into a Zeppelin tune.

     Yes, her mother would have loved to have met Jake.  She would also be the first one to tell her daughter to love on him as fiercely as possible because it could be over before she knew it.  She grinned at him as the singer tore into her version of “You Shook Me” trying to erase her melancholy the best she could.

     Rayne jumped up to her feet, swaying to the sex filled rift.  She caught Jake’s eye as her arms raised up and her mouth fell open with a fevered shoutout.  Jake stood next to her, a smile plastered to his face.

     “Birdie, you keep movin’ around like that and that camera pointing in this direction is going to capture something I’m not willing to share.”

     She was too lost in the music to understand.  She sang along as her inhibitions fell away.  Jake raked a hand through his hair, barely hanging on to his own.

     “Rayne,”  he said close to her ear.  

     The rest of his words fell away as she spun, feeling completely free in the moment.  She stopped, realizing that he was trying to say something to her.  Instead, they stood, nearly nose to nose.  She could feel his breath upon her face.  She wanted to lean into him, taste him and his luscious mouth.  She started to spiral towards him, leaning into his touch, only to have him back away, his face clouded.

      “I’m going to go grab a beer.  Do you want one?”  he shouted as the spell was broken.

     She nodded and turned back to the stage as the song moved into “Stranglehold”.  It was nearly the end of the set before Jake finally returned with beers in hand.  There was a ghost of a smile on his face as he handed her a drink.  

     “Thank you, sir,” she said before taking a long swallow.  “You missed most of the set!”

     He nodded and held up his phone as an explanation.  The rest of the show for Dixie Blue sped by.  The sadness she had felt at the beginning had evaporated, leaving behind a euphoria that she embraced.  Night one of the Breakers was done.

     Jake was already texting Doug that they were heading his direction.  He helped her collect her blanket and stuff.  She was thankful they did not have to tangle with the flood of humans out of the park.  The ride back to the suite was silent.  He held her hand, the first actual contact she had from him since the morning, but it felt like he was still at a distance.  Perhaps he was feeling the nearness of their time together was drawing to a close as well.

     Rayne closed her eyes against the thought.  She concentrated on the strength she felt as he held onto her in such a chaste manner.  They were back to the hotel just after midnight.  She was two steps into the room when he yanked her back into him, kissing her passionately until she was completely out of breath.  His fingers played in her hair as he just stood there, eyes cast down, forehead upon hers.

     “I’ve wanted to do that all evening,”  he whispered.

     She smiled against him.  “Why didn’t you?”

     “That requires a conversation,”  he answered.  “Do you want a drink?  I’m going to need something strong for this.”

     She watched as he poured himself a whiskey before nodding.  He led her to the couch where they sat side by side, feet up on the coffee table.  He pulled out his phone and set it to his side.

     “Why do I feel like I’m in trouble?”  she whispered.  “I didn’t do something wrong did I?”

     “Shit, no,”  he breathed with a smile, much to her relief.  “It’s just…  Here, it’s easier to show you.”

     He picked up his phone, scrolling through a few things before turning the screen towards her.  It was a picture of her with Jake on the other side of her.  It was from shortly after he had joined her and completely innocent.  The smile on his face lit her immediately.  The way he looked at her was a culmination of soft and flirty and just all so Jake.

     “Scroll,”  he whispered.

     She did, only to find the same picture with arrows plastered all over it with “Jake’s New Girl?!” across her face.  Each arrow held words as if explaining the emotions and evidence that the picture contained.

     “Whoa,”  she gasped.

     “Yeah, you don’t want to read the comments,”  he said as he took the phone back.  “Those can get weird.”

     “There’s comments?”

     He nodded.  “They work fast.  Josh texted me that while I was getting beers.”

     Rayne was not sure how to feel.  He literally had only been with her for fifteen minutes before going for drinks.  Fifteen minutes and a billion pictures of glances and smiles that were totally normal and…  and…  The word ‘comments’ freaked her the fuck out.  What was there to comment on?  She slammed her drink down her throat, adding instantly to the nausea that was threatening.

     “Fuck, Jake,”  she breathed out.

     When she looked at him, he was biting the shit out of his lip.  The look on his face was not readable.  It was lacking confidence, something she had never seen him without.

     He stood up, swallowed down his drink, poured another for each of them, but went to the balcony alone.  She watched as he lit a cigarette, keeping his back to her.  Standing as she reached for her drink, she saw that he had slammed down his second pour.  Her heart ached with uncertainty.  His head was bowed.  His shoulders slumped.  What the hell had she done?

     Reaching for the bottle of whiskey, she was slow to join him.  The moment she stepped outside, he hunched up like he was protecting himself.

     “Jake?”  she whispered, her tone careful.

     He did not answer.  She set down her drink and the bottle before taking his empty glass from his clenched fingers.  She could feel the upset coming off of his frame.

     “Jake,”  she whispered again, “I didn't mean to upset you.  Whatever I did-”

     “You did nothing wrong,”  he said, finishing his smoke and lighting another one.  It was like he was punishing himself for his anger.  

     “Then what is happening right now?”

     He took a long, slow drag before pulling out his phone again.  He pulled up a text from Josh with the same picture that had shown her first.  There was a single word at the bottom - “Smitten”.  

     She breathed in hard at the sight.  “I was under the impression he was thirty four, not ninety,”  she sighed trying to fight the gravity of the moment.

     He laughed without humor.  “One of Mom’s favorite descriptions right now.”

     Her brows pinched as he continued to look away from her.  “You told your mom about me?”

    “Yeah,”  he rasped.  

    “Will you tell me why you’re so upset?”  she asked, finally feeling brave enough to touch him.  She ran her fingers down his arm and looped her fingers into his, all the while her heart slamming in her chest like it was going to lurch right out of her body.

     “The conversation I need to have with you.  Your reaction to what I showed you was enough to tell me that this is not what you want.”

     She took the smoke from his hand and took her own long, slow drag to steady her nerves.  “I never said I did not want you.”

     “But your reaction…”

     “Shocked.  Sure.”  She felt the tension in his shoulders melt a little.  “I mean, how is that normal?  How is that even a thing?”

     He shrugged, taking his smoke back to take the last drag.  “It’s my normal.  I’m sorry.”

    “What the fuck do you have to apologize for?”  Rayne felt her hackles raise up at the fact that he even thought it was necessary to apologize.  “So this conversation, can we continue it?”

     “I would like that.”

     “Are you really smitten with me?”

     “Fuck, yes, Birdie.”

     Her heart slammed in her throat as he reached for her.  The relief in his eyes made her absolutely melt as he curled around her, kissing deeply enough to rob all oxygen from her.  

     “Oh!  I have something for you,”  she said suddenly, unable to stop the happy that exploded from her.

     She ran inside to her room where she had hidden the necklace.  Jake followed her inside, carrying their glasses and whiskey bottle.  She grabbed the small box and card from her drawer and turned to find him waiting for her, his face relaxed.

     “I didn’t have time to wrap it,”  she explained, her smile hurting it was so big.  “I saw it, and I just knew it had to be yours.”

     She thrust the box into his hands.  He smiled at her, his eyes soft.  “You got me something?  Are you smitten with me, Birdie?”

     “Fuck yes, I am,”  she laughed as he opened the cover.

     “Oh,”  he breathed as his eyes came down on the stone.  “Oh, Rayne.  This is too much.”

     “Nope,”  she insisted with a shake of her head.  “Here, read the card.”

     His fingers brushed over the lettering as he read.  It was endearing how he sucked in his bottom lip as he looked up at her.

     “It’s beautiful.”

     “Like you are to me.”

     The softest look crossed his face that made her melt.  It was like no one had told him that he was beautiful in quite some time.  He reached for her, wrapping his free hand around her to pull her into his kiss that swept her off her feet and shoved her into the stratosphere at the same time.  She helped him to put it on.  Rayne stepped back to look at it and could not help the smile that formed.  

     He kissed her again, deeper, needier.  He somehow guided her blindly to his room, all tender kisses and touches as they stripped down and slipped into the bed.  This was not like before, it was slow and sweet.  He dragged hot, open mouthed nips from her ankles up to her center, across her hips, and up her softened belly to her breasts before she finally captured his mouth again.  He moved against her, holding her as close to himself as he could.  Rayne was completely blissed out.  Every moment of contact her body responded to him.  He made her sing in a way she had never before.  Every sigh and moan that fell from her mouth, he swallowed and took as his own.  The joy in his face radiated out like sunshine, filling her until she felt like she could bear it no more.

      Worshiped.  It was how her body felt as he moved with her.  Satisfied.  It was how her mind and core felt when fully spent.  Cared for.  It was how she felt as a total person as he took the time to help her clean up, and she reciprocated.  She desperately hoped that he felt as treasured as he made her feel.  She watched him as she moved around the kitchen filling glasses with ice and water as he stepped out onto the balcony.  The clock was screaming at her, but this was important.  This was a ‘have to’.  She had to face whatever it was that he needed to say and have her understand fully.   

      “Imma gonna need one of those, sir,”  she jibed as she handed him a glass.  She watched as he lit her a smoke and handed it over.  “Where do we start?”

***

     Jake felt Rayne shift against him.  Her skin was warm against his as she rolled onto her side and snuggled against his chest in her sleep.  This woman had totally overtaken every aspect of him and he handed himself over to her willingly.  She made it easy to care for her.  Her apprehension had confused him when he tried to talk with her about how to proceed through the damn public aspect of his job.  He had forgotten that his very public world was not something that she would totally understand.  

     Smoothing her hair just to feel her softness to soothe himself, he felt better just listening to her breathe.  The weight of the necklace she had given him pressed under her fingers against his chest.  The fact that Rayne would ever think to trust him had been beyond him when he had first invited her for the weekend.  Selfishly, he wanted the time with her on his own.  She did not expect anything but him just being himself with her.  

      In their conversation, she asked him why his marriage did not work.  The failure still stung.  The loss of love still hurt.  He knew it would always hurt.  He understood that all Rayne needed was honesty, not the bullshit answer that many of his friends wanted to hear.  There was no real simple way to explain.  In the end, to voice the root reason of the divorce was an admission that he had not realized he needed.  He was sure Rayne would struggle with his explanation, but she seemed to understand to a point.  It was enough for her to understand that the public was not going to be theirs, except in very controlled, very small pieces.

      He tried to explain that he would fight to keep what they had private.  There would always be moments like what had happened that night, where pictures would be out there of them together.  His world was intrusive and harsh and fleeting.  In the few months of knowing her, Rayne had provided a way for him to feel grounded, tethered to something important once more.  She was the kind of woman that allowed him to be true to himself.  He did not have to think about his words and the implications of what those words would be in the public.  He did not have to think about being perceived through any lens.  

      Holding her closer, she sighed against his skin.  She had no idea of her importance already to him.  Her heart he could already feel was sacred to him.  He prayed that he wouldn’t fuck it up this time.  To be gifted another chance at something was beyond his mind.  He would not feel that he needed to carry the full burden when the others needed to back away.  He would carve out the time to be with her and show her how important she was to him.  Not like before.

***

~Sunday~

     Rayne took her spot in the family and crew area, stage left, texting Jake that she was there, beer in hand.  She had three hours before he would step on stage with Jesse Larsen’s Band.  The evening was crazy with people flooding in and out of the small seating area.  The feel of the general crowd was insane.  The amount of energy that flowed back and forth between the people and the stage was intense.  It was hard not to feel excited.  She took in Skyline Gold and Bowlin’ Wilson’s sets with awe.  Both were bands that she had seen before and they did not disappoint.  

     She had left in between sets for beers and bathroom.  The promoters of the event certainly kept their talent happy by taking care of their family and crews.  Everything was planned out very well.  Rayne did not have to worry about leaving her blanket behind, and was able to return each time to her same little plot of space.  

     As the set was being changed, her phone pinged.  A picture of Mae with Sir Jaccobi filled her screen.  However, below the picture, Mae clearly said that “Jake” was being naughty.  She laughed as she texted back that the cat would be in time out for a while when she got home.  Mae shot a text immediately back asking if she was going to be alone, below was one of the many pictures from the evening before.  She stared at this picture.  Jake was clearly laughing as he stood next to her, the soft crinkles at the corners of his eyes and smile just melted her.  Instead of answering the question, she told Mae that her Internet card was revoked.

     Rayne snapped a picture the moment that JLB hit the stage.  Jessie reminded her of a crow from the old cartoons of the sixties, all super long, wavy black hair, sharp features, dark clothes, and lanky for miles and miles.  She sent it to Janie as they went right into one of the bigger darker blues songs.  She sang along, all the while, she looked for Jake.  They tore into their second song, it happened to be one of her personal favorites.  She shouted out as she twirled around.  This particular song had a long outro that Jesse just wailed on, extending like it was as easy as breathing.

      As the last notes were drawn out, there was movement at the back side of the stage and the singer, Marcus Uptin was belting out his greetings to the wildly loud audience.  “Hey, our very good friend is here tonight.  Let’s bring him up.  Say hi Jake!”  

    Rayne’s face immediately went to the back edge of the stage seeing her Jake making his way out.  Her heart pounded, taking him in in all of his stage presence.  Dressed in black pants, with x-crossed laces running up the outside hem on both legs.  Up top, he wore a black vest that was wide open and she could not stop the picture of her hand running against the supple skin of his belly only a few hours before.  There at the center of his chest was the fire agate that she had given him.  Her heart fluttered at the sight.  The crowd was going wild as Jake plugged in his guitar and was scrambling his fingers across the fretboard with the biggest smile on his face in challenge to Jesse Larsen.  For a brief moment, he looked right at her, the warmest expression filling her with emotion.  The speakeasy was one thing.  This show was his true nature as he dove right in, playing “Champagne & Reefer”, hitting all the highs and lows, supporting Jesse and getting time in return to do his own thing.

     She was sure her mouth hung open as she watched the man she had just spent five days with strut around on a stage in front of thirty five thousand people like he was hot sex and molten cool.  Their second song was a searing rendition of “Born Under a Bad Sign” that had the crowd howling and begging for more.  

     “Hey, Jake!  Man, you ready for this?”  the singer called out after a pause.

     Rayne watched unsure of what was going on, much like the crowd beside her.  Jake handed off his guitar and moved to one of the mics.  

     “Shall we try something different?”  his velvet rasp filled the air as the crowd tried to figure out what was going on.  From his pocket he slipped out a harmonica.  “Be patient with me.  I’ve been working hard on this, so be kind.  This is a Little Walter song via an Elmore James arrangement.  Thank Clapton for the rest.”

      The crowd settled until the opening notes of a slow, deep blues song poured out of the stage.  Jake swayed before the mic, playing his ass off much to the crowd’s delight.  Rayne even heard comments of “What the fuck!”  “This is amazing!”  “Do it Jakey!”

     “You know I’m crazy about you, baby,”  Jake started singing, his voice sultry and full of swagger.  “Wonder do you ever think of me?  You know, I’m wild about you, baby.  But you don’t care nothing in the world about me.”

     The crowd erupted as he sang out the lyrics and played harmonica in between the verses.  This was something special and everyone from stage to family/crew area to the audience knew it.   At the solo, Jesse riffed hard while Jake followed him step for step on the harmonica.  It was pure joy that radiated off of him and Rayne felt like she could bask in it forever.

     The song drew to a close to the loudest cheering that she had heard over the course of the evening.  They were chanting Jake’s name as he waved and laughed back at them.  

     “How ‘bout a few more, Jake?”  the singer called out using prayer hands.

     The Les Paul was once again brought out and the moment he got it back on, he looked over to the family area, directly at her, his face full of happiness.  She wondered if she looked back at him the same way.  All she could do was stare.  He was truly beautiful and her heart ached at the wonder of it all.  The conversation they had had was just the start.  She was left to fathom how she was going to handle this piece of him.  

     The sharp clank of a cowbell brought her back out of her head as the group swaggered into “Black Betty”.  Jake strutted a shimmy much to her delight as he interacted with Jesse.  They ate the stage and fed into the crowd until it was beyond frenzy.  As Jesse continued to shred, Jake strolled back to the mic, harmonica making a reappearance.  He blew a few high pitched notes and the crowd squealed along as he took them into “Bring It On Home”.  Somehow, Jake and Jesse blew the song into a near twenty minute duel back and forth and round again.  

     The crowd went berserk as Jake hugged Jesse and shook hands with the singer before he had absolute laser focus getting off that stage.  Rayne melted to the ground.  Seeing Jake where he belonged blew her mind.  He poured everything he had into the set.  She had watched him over the past week prepping, albeit on a very low key level.  JLB finished their set, to which she took a few more pictures for Janie.  

      Nearly thirty minutes after Jessie Larsen wrapped, and just before The Wicked started the last set of the night, her phone pinged.  

J ~ Head towards security.  Look for Sue - she’s wearing the biggest straw hat ever.        She’ll know where to find me.

     Rayne folded up her little blanket and grabbed her bag of trash before heading towards the security point behind the stage.  A very tall lady, wearing the biggest straw hat, seemed to be punching her phone with an annoyed look on her pointed face.  Her dark eyes rolled up on her as Rayne stopped in front of her.

      “Great, you’re here,”  she said before turning away and walking away at a very fast clip.

      “Shit,”  Rayne gasped, jumping to keep up with the woman who obviously did not have the time for leading her punk ass around.

      She stuffed her trash into a random bin as she practically had to run to keep the woman in view.  The backstage area was a chaotic mess of people flying around with organized trailers for the acts to use.  They wound through people and groups and even tripped through in between trailers until finally, nearly out of breath, Rayne finally saw Jake, quietly talking with a group.  His hair looked damp from a shower and he was back in what he had left the suite that morning.  His face looked tired, but his smile was bright as he animatedly talked.  

      Sue had stopped and waved her arm forward, obviously not in need of walking Rayne all the way to the group.  Jake’s eyes caught her right away.  She felt awkward just walking up to him until he held his hand out to her to take.

     “There she is,”  he said softly, as he pulled her into his side.  “Rayne, this is Jesse and Marcus.”

      She barely registered his words before she realized who he was actually talking to.  She was unable to hide the fangirl flutter, muttering that Janie was going to murder her and put her on the wall next to Jake’s picture.  He laughed as she tried to cover it and shake their hands like an actual human being.

      “Great set, guys,”  Jake said as he laced his fingers tighter in hers.  “Thanks again.”

      “Anytime, Jake,”  Jesse said with a wave.

      “Nice meeting you!”  Rayne said, waving back as Jake was pulling her away.

      He was silent as he led her to the car, Doug waiting for them with the engine running.  Jake held the door open for her before sliding in next to her.  Before registering anything, the car was off and the concert was behind them.  Jake kept her hand in his the whole ride, eyes closed, body spent and melted to the seat.  

     Once to the rooms, he crashed onto the couch as she got herself a glass of water.  “Are you hungry? I’ve got some fruit from this morning.”

     “Just need you, Birdie,”  he said quietly, holding his hand out to her.

     She sat down next to him, allowing him to just crash against her, finally finding his place with his head in her lap.  She smoothed his hair from his face as he closed his eyes and just rested.  She rested her head back, just drinking in the silence.  From the table, she heard her phone ping several times.  Jake made to move, but she stilled him.

     “It’s probably the cat being naughty,”  she said softly.  “Apparently, he’s done with me being gone.  Or it’s Janie with her murder plans.”

     He smiled up at her, reaching up to pull her down to him.  “Thank you for being with me.”

     “May I fangirl a bit?”  He laughed, but nodded.  “That was perhaps the sexiest thing I’ve ever seen.  Maybe when you’re all rested up, you can do that little shimmy again, just for me - naked?”

     He laughed loudly.  “You liked that huh?”

     She blushed as he traced the line of her cheek.  He kissed her sweetly before letting her go.  His eyes drifted closed again as he let out a soft breath.  

     “Hey,”  she whispered.  “Let’s just go to bed.”

     She carefully moved from beneath him and pulled him off the couch.  They parted, getting ready for bed.  When Rayne walked into his room, he was looking at his phone, wearing just his shorts.  His face brightened as he looked up at her.

     “Everything okay?”  she asked, waiting in the doorway to enter.

     “Yeah,”  he said, a look on his face that made her feel a little unsure.  “Josh sent me this.  Look.”

     She walked to his side, not sure if she wanted to see whatever it was that was making him seem so reflective in nature.  It was a picture of her from Jake’s set.  She could see him in the distance from the angle of the scene.  Her hair was blown back and the light from the stage must’ve just shifted, causing a pooling effect around her.  

     “My girl is beautiful,”  he whispered against her cheek. 

     Below the picture, just as he had with the picture of Jake there was a single word.  ‘Genuine’.  Unlike the previous picture, there was an extra line - ‘Gonna share with Mom!’

      Her heart filled with warmth that made her gasp out a breath of emotion.  Looking at him, he seemed to mirror what she felt.  He took the phone from her and set it onto the nightstand.  She watched as he pulled the bedding back.  She slipped in with him right next to her.  His hand stretched out across her stomach as he maneuvered in so that he could land on her chest.  Rayne smiled as he took what he needed from her in his exhaustion.  His calloused fingers tugged up the hem of her t-shirt to trace back and forth across her skin.

      “You okay?”  she asked, smoothing back his hair.

      He was quiet against her for so long she thought he may have already fallen asleep.  His fingers traced the curve of her belly.  “Would it be selfish of me if I wanted us to stay in bed all day tomorrow?”

     She hummed softly.  “Sounds lovely, actually.”

     His fingers dipped into her sleep shorts, pushing them down just low enough to provide access to her hip.  He danced his fingers up and down the sharp curve from hip to ribs, to breast and back.  “You’re so soft,”  he whispered, his voice distant.  “This weekend was not about me and Josh.”

     She tightened her hold on him as he swept his fingers across her skin again.  “You need to talk about it?”

     He stayed quiet for a long moment.  “It was to prove that I can play nicely with others, not just with the band.”

     She closed her eyes, not trying to jump ahead of him.  “Meaning?”

     He shrugged.  “Hiatus might be longer than two years.”

     “I am going to assume contractual stuff too.”

     “Yeah,”  he whispered.  “I did it, though.”

     Rayne listened as his breathing evened out and grew soft against her.  His fingers had stilled, cupped against her breast.  She held onto him tightly as the heat and weight of his body soothed her into a most delicious sleep.

***

~Home Again~

     Jake laughed as they sang loudly to “Moondance”.  The euphoria from the previous days’ drinking, sex, conversation, amazing food, and repeating it all, still held firm as they crossed the Illinois/Michigan border in a convertible.  He could not keep the smile from his face as she bounced around in the passenger seat as each song brought more joy from her.  Rayne was full of sunshine as her hair spun around her.  He wondered if she realized that she was beyond beautiful as “Love the One You’re With” crossed her lips.

     They grew quiet as they pulled into her driveway, her small house in view.  This was not done.  He was not going to let it be done.  Helping her to carry in her bags, he watched as she moved around her space.  She danced through her paces, checking the fridge for  beer and making a list of items to get from town.  He caught her in the kitchen, pressing her against the counter with a look.

      “When do you have to get the fur babies?”  he asked, his hands pulling up the hem of her dress, planting his mouth against her throat.

      “Tomorrow,”  she whispered into his mouth.

      He danced her into her bedroom, tossing her onto her bed.  She sprang up as he started for her with a wave of her hand.  She disappeared for a moment, returning with towels.

      “Sorry, just the one bed and my couch sucks to sleep on,”  she said honestly.

      He laughed, but spread the towels out before she lay herself down before him, her eyes full of light just for him.  No.  Not done.  All he could feel was home.

A/N: Here's the set list from the 'concert'.

“Champagne & Reefer” by Muddy Waters

“Born Under a Bad Sign” by Albert King with Stevie Ray Vaughn

“Can’t Hold Out Much Longer” by Eric Clapton

“Black Betty” by Ram Jam

“Bring it on Home” by Led Zeppelin

If you could pick a song for Jake to sing on his own, what would it be? Please let me know what you thought of my little love story. I'm up for any kind of criticism to help me further my own writing. Thanks for reading!

[broken--stardust]

thank you so much for including lil ol me on this list, i'm honored 🥹

I’ve compiled a list of my most favorite works of Greta Van Fleet fan fiction. If you know me at all, you know I only really read and write about the twins, but once in a blue moon, I find Sam appealing too. All of these contain explicit content, I think oops. Please please please forgive me if your fic is not on here. I do a very poor job of keeping a list. 

YOU NEED TO READ THE WARNINGS STATED ON EACH FIC ON THIS LIST. READ THEM AND THEN READ THEM AGAIN. SOME OF THEM CONTAIN WARNINGS THAT COULD POTENTIALLY BE VERY TRIGGERING.

♡  With that out of the way, please enjoy  ♡

Keep reading

[broken--stardust]

so so so so so cute 🥹

gate & garden: one

jake kiszka x fem!reader (childhood best friends to lovers..) A/N: I do not claim to, nor do I know Greta Van Fleet; they are all real people with real lives, this is an entirely fictional work.

MASTERLIST 3k words

Keep reading

[broken--stardust]

this is everything i needed 🥺❤️‍🩹😭

always be here - j.t.k

it’s my first piece that I’m actually posting so please be gentle :( <3

wc: 1.9k

warnings: depression, mental illness

summary: your depression has gotten worse and you’re isolating yourself from the one person that helps you.

My entire life has been chaos. Since I was a kid, it’s been unstable and toxic. I never felt good enough, and I never felt whole. There was always something missing. Now at the age of 23, I have found my missing piece. But why do I keep running from it? 

Jake entered my life a year ago, his brown eyes entrancing me from the moment I met his stare. We drank and we drank until the early hours of the morning and went home together that night. We spent hours talking and laughing, it was the first time I felt seen. I felt listened to. And he was a stranger then. 

Now, he’s the love of my life and that scares me. It scares me that I have something I could lose, and it scares me that my brain doesn’t work the same as others. My depression has impacted my life in such a tremendous way. 

Any task becomes arduous, and happiness feels far away. It feels unreachable, unattainable. I’m trying. I really am. But it’s so hard when you meet his brown eyes and his loving smile, and all your brain tells you is “He deserves better. Leave him, let him go so he can find someone that will love him better than you can.”

Keep reading

[broken--stardust]

absolutely precious 😭💔

You're My Best Friend

Jake Kiszka x Fem!Reader

Summary: When your best friend Jake asks you to watch his cats and apartment for him, memories of your time spent together in his home come to mind. When he comes home, things are the same yet also completely different.

Enjoy!!! Also pls let me know what you think...through reblogs or messages to me. I love to talk about my little stories, it means so much to me. Also I'm already thinking about a part 2 w smut so if that sounds like something you'd be interested in lmk.

Word Count: 8.2k Warnings: swearing, cats, a little angst over money, slow burn, besties to lovers, Jake being just a regular dude (my favorite)

-

Being best friends with Jake Kiszka was a lot of fun. Good music, good alcohol and good times were all things Y/N enjoyed with him. It wasn’t like she didn’t have a life when Jake wasn’t around, she had other friends and plenty of interests that didn’t involve him. But the thing was that for the past two and a half years, Jake had been around. 

The pandemic had kept him in Nashville by her side rather than touring the world. Because of the pandemic, it also meant everyone was limited from seeing people. Not being able to see anyone besides his brothers led Jake to seek comfort in something else. And as much as he loved hanging out with Y/N, he could only see her every so often. Much to his brothers and her confusion, he decided to adopt some furry friends. 

Jake had called her up and said, “Which do you think cats prefer, fish treats or shrimp treats?” 

“Shrimp are better,” She replied easily. “But why?” 

“Ok, shrimp. Oh…I have become a father.” He said easily. 

“Jake, what the fuck are you talking about?” 

“You’ll see, come over later, shrimp.” He finished and then hung up. From that moment forward, Jake had found a new nickname for his best friend.

When Y/N showed up at his apartment later, she saw what he had been talking about. Two cats. One was an older blonde mancoon mix. The other was a younger, maybe just a year old, black long haired cat. Pretentiously named ‘Falcor’ and ‘Onyx’ but actually called ‘Cheese’ and ‘Hot Dog’. Jake spoiled them with treats and learned all of their idiosyncrasies over the next six months. As much as she liked cats, Y/N honestly didn’t spend all that much time with them. Before long the world was back in a place where the band could tour and naturally music was Jake’s first love and the cats couldn’t exactly jetset with him. 

This was the first time Jake had asked his best friend to do more than just water a few of his plants while he was gone. And even that she felt like she was a little out of practice with. Still, watching cats was a lot more than going over to his place every day for half an hour to water the plants. This required her to stay at Jake’s place. 

Jake walked her through the cats’ entire spiel, but still the first day left Y/N confused and worried about how she would perform as their caregiver. She tried her best to make them happy, feeding them the shrimp treats and turning on the shower faucet so that Cheese could drink water the way Jake said he liked. 

Jake asked her to send as many pictures as she thought was best, so she sent multiple videos and pictures a day, hoping they’d give him some joy while stuck inside planes and buses. Still, a lot of her day was relatively empty. It left her to explore Jake’s apartment. She’d been there hundreds if not thousands of times. It was, by all accounts, extremely Jake. 

The walls were a nice off white and delicately and tastefully decorated with art that was dark and interesting along with a few band posters that were signed and framed. House plants littered a bookshelf that received plenty of sunlight from the large windows at the front of his second story place. A blue rug spanned across the living room. 

There was a room with a door Jake kept shut from the cats. His music room. One Les Paul hung left behind on the wall next to his first ever acoustic that his dad had given him. Various awards were placed lovingly across a vanity and a futon was in there if Jake ever had a guest. 

Despite the futon, Jake had insisted that she sleep in his bed while he was away. 

“You can use my bed,” He said off-handedly as he gestured to his bedroom. 

“Not the futon?” 

“Why would you sleep on the futon when the bed is open and perfectly and completely comfortable, shrimp?” 

She wasn’t really against it, but it felt weird to be sleeping in Jake’s bed for over a couple months. “It’s your bed.” 

“And? You’ve slept in it before, shrimp, now it’s just gonna be without me. The boys like sleeping in it when someone’s in there, too.” 

She smiled tightly, finding no way to refuse, not really knowing why she would refuse anyway. “’Kay. Me and the boys’ll keep it warm for ya’.” 

Jake had grinned at her with his sparkling brown eyes and thrown his arms around her in a squeezing hug. “Miss you already,” He mumbled into her ear before making kissy noises to the two furballs lurking in the hallway before walking out the door. 

On some occasions she’d wander into the music room to take the acoustic down from the wall. She’d take a seat on the futon and check the tuning of it. When Jake learned that his best friend knew how to play guitar – barely, as she always said – but didn’t tune by ear, he scoffed and insisted that he teach her. 

He also thought capos were the devil, but she refused to acquiesce to his music snobbery and brought one of her own. She placed it against the third fret and began to strum at the strings. They weren’t new, but they also weren’t terribly old, she could feel them against her fingers. Jake must have restrung them within the past three months. 

Thinking about Jake, playing his beloved guitar in his music room made her fingers twitch into a familiar pattern. The first song Jake had also insisted that she learn, four years ago. She told him she mostly just played old country songs her grandfather used to play for her as a child. While Jake had genuinely smiled and silently admired her playing, he had also ribbed her for being a country bumpkin and insisted she learn something not so boring. She had rolled her eyes and reminded him that he was from a smaller town than she was. 

“You gotta learn something more upbeat. Get the blood pumping.” He elbowed her playfully and carefully shoved his guitar into her lap. 

“What song?” 

Jake shook his head, instead instructing her on which chords to play. “Strum an F major 7, C, good. G. Just repeat that five times.” 

He nodded his head as she strummed and listened to his words. Every so often she looked between the neck where her fingers played a little clumsily and Jake’s face. His lips quirked in an encouraging smile as he raised his brows at her, wanting her to continue. 

“Okay now A minor. Then back to C, and G.” He pauses when she fumbles the chords. “Repeat through A minor and then a Dsus 2.” 

She went through the chords, slowing as it becomes more complicated and then pausing completely when she gets to the Dsus chord. She felt embarrassed, her face flushing. At the time, Jake was already a good friend, but it was still relatively early in their friendship. They’d only known each other for a year. She still got overwhelmed by his famous musician energy, as well as his sheer undeniable talent. It was hard to ignore in a situation like this. 

“I don’t, um,” She took a breath, eyes fluttering down at the guitar where her fingers hovered, confused. “I don’t know that one. I just know the basics, I’m sorry.” 

“Don’t be sorry,” Jake smiled quickly, immediately remembering when he was an initial learner and dialing back his instruction. Less demanding and more explanation. “Here,” He offered, scooting closer on his futon, bumping their knees together when he reached his left hand to cover hers. 

His body had angled to almost envelop hers so that he could comfortably have his hand over hers on the neck. He moved her fingers into the correct pattern to create the chord. It wasn’t all that complicated in truth, but something new was always daunting simply because it was previously unknown. 

She glanced at his face for confirmation that she had gotten it correct after experimentally strumming the chord. His hand still encassed hers as he smiled back at her. He had taken a breath through his nose and she remembered it hitting her cheek, warming her further. The strands of his hair had been falling in front of his face, almost tickling her as well. He had been so warm and soft against her before returning to his more respectfully distanced seat a few inches away. 

He murmured a few more repeat chords and she followed his guidance before he made her start over. As she strummed more assuredly, Jake began to sing softly and the song became clear to her. A grin spread across her lips as she looked over at her friend singing one of his favorite songs as she strummed it, only fumbling a few of the chords. She laughed when it happened, no longer taking the playing too seriously. Jake giggled along with her while singing the words, causing them to grin at one another.  

“I should’ve known it was Jumper,” She said after they finished. “You’re such a Third Eye Blind junkie, so predictable, Jacob.” 

Jake shook his head in slight embarrassment, “What can I say? They just speak to my emo soul.” 

Now she was alone on the futon, working through the chords. Smiling down at the frets, she sang the words softly, wishing it was Jake’s pretty voice instead of hers. 

A lot of the days she lounged in Jake’s bed, luxuriating in the fluffy expensive comforter Jake had bought to cover his bed. He had an uncharacteristic amount of pillows. Six for one man, she thought it was absurd until she slept there for two weeks and found it unbelievably comfortable. He was a genius, she thought and let him know over text with a picture of the two cats curled against her neck and her stomach while she laid in his bed. 

Jake responded almost immediately with a request to facetime. I miss my boys, he texted. Need some boy time. She giggled to herself, looking down unattractively at her screen, before pressing the facetime call, adjusting the camera angle and immediately fussing with her hair a little bit in the camera. 

It connects and before she knows it, Jake’s face is appearing on her screen. He looks to be seated on a couch with a window behind him, the scenes moving quickly behind him. He was on the tour bus, hair messily braided and eyes looking tired but delighted at his own screen. His face looked tanner than the last time she’d seen him in person, a mustache and a little goatee trying to take residence on his face. The little hoops Jake had gotten when she had gone to the piercing and tattoo parlor with him a few days before he left were on display and made her smile at the memory. 

“Hey rockstar, your boys miss you,” She pans the camera to show Cheese who was still against her sternum. The blonde cat nuzzled his head at her attention and writhed onto his back, somehow knowing to make a show of it for Jake. 

Jake laughs happily and greets Cheese before Y/N brings it back to her face, making sure to keep Hot Dog in frame. She brings the camera closer to the black cat who was sleepily cuddled against her shoulder. He chirps at Jake in the screen, causing Jake to coo childishly. His best friend laughs and shakes her head at him, returning once more to the original framing of the video. 

“There’s your boys, your children,” She smiles. “How are the other boys, your brothers?” 

Jake flicks a falling strand of hair out of his face and looks to his right, before looking back at the screen. “You know, never a dull moment on the road.” He rolls his eyes and she gives him a knowing look. Two weeks and already they were getting on each other’s nerves. It wasn’t unusual, but she always felt bad when Jake seemed clearly agitated. She made a note to send extra videos and pictures for the rest of the week and check in a little more often. 

She smiles back sympathetically and scratches at Hot Dog’s ears for Jake. 

“I see you made yourself comfortable, shrimp” He notes, changing the subject. 

“You said I could sleep in your bed,” She shrugs with her free shoulder, “And if I remember correctly, you actually insisted that I do.” 

Jake smirks before arching an eyebrow at her. “I was talking about my shirt that seems to have found its way onto your body.” 

She flushes and readjusts to a more seated position, changing the angle of the phone, attempting to distract Jake from her embarrassment. “Oh,” She laughed. “I ran out of sleep shirts and I’ve been too lazy to drive across town or do my own laundry. I didn’t think you’d mind…I’ll make sure to wash everything and put it back before you get home.” 

Jake laughs good-naturedly, biting his lip and pausing in thought for a moment. “Don’t worry about it. Looks better on you anyway,” He winks. 

“Save it for the paying customers, Jacob.” She rolls her eyes and shakes her head at his charms. 

He laughs it off and she lets him talk to his cats a little more before he mentions that he has to go. 

Later that day, as she’s making her lunch, she finds herself messing with the shirt. It was grey and a little distressed from constant wear. The neck was a little loose from Jake’s constant pulling and her fingers furthered it. She found herself holding it up to her nose for a moment as she stared into his quickly emptying fridge. Jake had also told her she could eat or drink anything he wanted and she was slowly but surely going through his stash. 

As she contemplated what to drink, she realized how weird it was that she was indulging in trying to smell Jake even when he was hundreds of miles away. She dropped the shirt quickly, as if anyone other than the two cats might see her, and grabbed a spindrift from the shelf. 

She poked around different crevices of Jake’s home that she normally didn’t get the chance to explore as she made herself more comfortable. One day while she’s waiting for Cheese to get his fill of faucet water, she’s mindlessly scavenging through the different toiletry shelves Jake had things bestowed upon. In his shower, there was a hanging plant, along with large bottles of shampoo, conditioner and a few various body soaps and scrubs. Jake was almost cat-like in how he groomed himself so intensely yet remained looking untouched.

The shower curtain was childish with cartoon sharks and other fish in pirate outfits pictured beside ships and treasure chests, all deep blues and gold accents. She had giggled which turned into hysterical laughter the first time Jake had her over and she’d gone to use the restroom. Now she found it endearing and sweet that he hadn’t changed it for the past three years. A bathroom should be fun, he stated when she questioned his choice. 

On a wooden tower beside the shower lived more toiletries. Her hands drifted over them tactilely as she inspected each of them, having grown bored of the television show she had been binging on Jake’s huge tv. It wasn’t like she’d never seen It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia before either, it was just a good comfort show that she could half watch with the cats. 

Nothing caught her eye until an amber liquid filled glass bottle came into view on the bottom shelf. It was full and its delicate bottle had a vine etched on its front. She uncapped it and sniffed the bottle that was nondescript until the scent hit her nose. It was Jake’s everyday cologne. She was familiar with it and as it filled her senses, she realized it must be his extra. His other undoubtedly on the tour bus with him right now. 

She sniffed it again, eyes slipping shut as she pictured Jake applying the cologne in this very bathroom. Uncapping the bottle before spritzing it once against his extended neck, the sensitive skin that stretched over his adam’s apple, his head tilted back as he stared at himself in the mirror, and then once to his left wrist, placing the bottle down to rub it against his right. 

She remembered when she had walked in on him once when they were getting ready to go to a pregame of some party the band was invited to. His hair was already perfectly disheveled. She knew that secretly Jake spent almost as much time on his hair as his twin in hopes that it looked like he’d never touched it at all and it just fell the way he wanted it to. 

When she walked into the bathroom with her mascara wand already out and needing the better lighting in this mirror, she half expected Jake to be messing with his hair. She had been wrong. He was in the middle of spritzing himself and the room smelled overwhelmingly of Jake, warm amber, woodsy tobacco and smoked whiskey. Usually there was some eucalyptus mixed in from his shampoo or body wash, she wasn’t sure, but the fresh cologne overpowered it and she was taken aback. The smell and the sight of his tilted head, almost like how he held it in posed pictures, but a little further. 

Jake’s eyes flitted from their intent place on his reflection to his best friend in the doorway, her eyes traveling from his neck down his chest where stray droplets fell and disappeared into his golden soft skin. 

“Yes?” He questioned with a raise of his eyebrow, finishing spritzing his left wrist and rubbing them together casually . 

Her lips pursed as she met his eye before holding up the mascara, “I need better working conditions, Jacob. How am I supposed to be the dutiful side piece if I look like shit?” 

“You could never look like shit,” He side stepped to allow her some room in front of the mirror while recapping the cologne and placing it in its spot on the shelf. It was all very calm and natural, like they shared the space often. In reality, this had been one of her first times back at his place since he had gotten the cats. The first time it seemed okay to go out. “Plus, everyone is always looking at me, anyways,” He smirked. 

She laughed and swatted his covered bicep. “Then why do you drag me along?” She asked, looking in the mirror at her eyes, attempting to apply the lash slick mascara evenly. She even ignored the swish of a tail around her legs, despite the pull to pet whichever cat had just said hello to her. 

“Because you love it, free booze and food…Plus even the eye candy needs someone to look at.” He straightened his collar in the mirror before messing with it so that it wasn’t straight. 

“And you’re the eye candy?”

He chuckled and tilted his head down, causing some of his hair to fall in front of his face as he looked at her. “Duh.” 

She cackled, pulling out her dark lipstick now, still glancing at Jake through the mirror every other moment as she started to apply it. “It’s good you’re so confident.”

Jake tilted his head to the side, a half smile threatening on his lips, “What does that mean?” 

She finished applying the lipstick and retreated out of the bathroom. Jake repeated himself, “What does that mean?” 

The memory fades as she almost fumbles the cologne bottle after deciding it would be weird to even consider wearing Jake’s signature cologne. She puts on her big girl pants that day and does all of the laundry she had been putting off and runs out to the grocery store to restock the cupboards and fridge. 

She makes some trips home, hanging out in her own apartment every so often to keep it relatively maintained or stopping by to grab different clothes. It wasn’t that important, though, since she lived with a roommate. Other days she wanders around Jake’s neighborhood of Nashville. It had a few coffee shops, a record store, a music store, some artisan and boutique style shops and an amazing taco place they always went to together. 

The first time she and Jake went together was the day after his birthday. Hangover tacos were his last birthday wish and what kind of best friend would deny a battered, freshly turned 23 year old from greasy amazing tacos and the best horchata in all of Nashville. He’d ordered six tacos and managed to scarf down half of them before starting to not feel well again. She had brushed the hair out of his face and swept it into a low ponytail and pressed her horchata cup against his forehead. 

“You’re a real trooper, Jake. You’re the only person I’ve ever seen even attempt to get out of the house after how much you drank last night.” She rubbed soothing circles across his shoulders and then down his back before returning to the top and starting again. 

He looked a little sickly, but his eyes hadn’t lost their beautiful sparkle even after all the tiring festivities of the day before. “You’re my best friend,” He said her name, looking at her seriously. It was the first time he had called her his best friend. 

“And you’re mine, dude.” She smiled and gave him a side hug, his right arm had limply wrapped around her front as he leaned his head into her neck. That night they returned to Jake’s place, where he showered and then climbed into his bed beside his best friend, the pair curled up and exhausted before falling asleep in each other’s arms. 

While kicking it alone in Jake’s apartment, she feels close to him through not only the myriad of his possessions but also his responses to the videos and pictures she sends of the cats. Hot Dog had a cardboard scratching box setup that Jake had deemed his car because Hot Dog liked to ‘drive’ it. In reality, the black cat just sat in it and scratched but Jake found it hilarious. She sent him many videos and pictures of Hot Dog either hard at work in the car or simply asleep at the wheel. She woke up one day to it broken and Hot Dog laying in it, still looking pleased. The picture she sends Jake is accompanied with the text: “Like father like son. Hot Dog totaled the car.” Jake sent multiple texts of laughter and his memoji, with his big black hat included, crying. 

Hot Dog also strangely plays fetch so she sent a few videos of that phenomenon every so often. Jake hearts every single message. Cheese kept more to himself, but she would take pictures of him staring out the windows that held images of green leafed trees, creating a beautiful backdrop for the majestic golden mancoon. Those often had jokes including “When will my father return from war?” or “Why does father leave us to be with other pussies?” 

Jake laughed at each joke but shook his head at his best friend. “Why are my boys asking about other pussies? How do they even know about that, they’re much too young for all that?” 

She shrugs while trying to contain her own amusement, scratching between Hot Dog’s ears as they spoke over facetime. “I don’t know. Ask your sons. Honestly though, I get a bit of a gay vibe from Hot Dog. Or ace. I don’t think he’s interested in other pussies.” She tries to sound serious but Jake is grinning at the camera and so is she, until another voice chimes in. 

“What’s this about pussy?” 

She groans at the sound of the other Kiszka twin. She loved Josh, but he liked to comandeer any conversation he was privy to. 

“Go away, Josh,” Jake says. “I’m having my court mandated alone time with my boys.”

“Oh, is Y/N on the line? Hey mama! Finally telling the Cat Daddy about how your kitty–” An ‘oof’ is heard as the phone clatters to face the ceiling and then a squeak of a distant ‘sorry!’ 

The camera moves again and then Jake’s face is back in frame, staring at the screen intently, a light pink staining his cheeks now – out of exertion from kicking Josh’s ass or his own mild embarrassment, she didn’t know. “Sorry about Josh being Josh. As always.” His voice is lower now, speaking softer, making it more gravelly. 

She smiles sympathetically. “Don’t worry about it. I’m the one who brought up pussy, I should’ve known Josh is like a bloodhound with that kind of stuff.” 

Jake laughs genuinely at that and they stare at their screens for a little while longer, shooting the shit, making plans for when Jake gets back to Nashville. 

On the Saturday before Jake is set to come home, she gets tacos from their taco place and digs around Jake’s record collection before deciding on a classic that both of them loved. Deja vu by Crosby, Stills, Nash and Young. She curls up on the couch with one cat, Hot Dog, laid out on her right and Cheese beneath it. It was his favorite spot besides sitting in the window. 

“Your dad’s comin’ home tomorrow, my dudes,” She talks to the cats as she eats. “Isn’t that great? I’m not gonna lie though, I kind of wish I could stay. I love you guys and this apartment, it’s bigger than mine. Plus way better roommates.” 

She rambles the night away. When she wakes, she tidies each of the rooms, putting away dishes she had left out, refolding the blanket on the back of the couch, remaking the bed. She showers, puts on real clothes today, rather than the usual sweats, and spends a little extra time to look presentable. Her reasoning is that she’s seeing a human she knows rather than just two cats. It has nothing to do with it specifically being Jake. 

He gets in in the late afternoon. She hears the key in the lock and her heart starts to beat a little faster. The cats can tell something is up when they notice her fidgeting, more on edge than any of the previous days spent by her side. She didn’t quite understand why she was so anxious to see Jake after two and a half months. Seeing each other over facetime wasn’t the same even if she told herself it was enough. 

She tries to play off the nerves by talking to the cats again, “Look who it is, Hot Dog, Cheese. Your long lost father!” 

The cats are elated when Jake gets through the door, weaving through their legs as she tries to be cool and just say a normal hello to him. The grin on Jake's face stops her in her tracks as he moves quickly down the hall after dropping his leather duffel by the door. His hat almost falls off his head as he wraps his arms around her in an intense hug. 

“Missed you guys so much,” He murmurs into the skin of her neck. “Missed you so much, shrimp.”  

She laughs, breathless and unable to form any coherent thought with Jake surrounding her, invading her senses. Any thought beside how wrong she had been. Jake’s cologne didn’t smell like Jake. Neither did his soaps and shampoos. Something was so uniquely Jake that changed his cologne when it was on him, same for the other products. He embodied them, making them more than they were, making them his. Kind of how he was making her his as he held her, changing her entire being with his presence.  

That was too much to say to a best friend she had just cat sat for. “How was it?” Would suffice. 

Jake holds on for a little longer, her arms having taken up residence around his shoulders and neck with his around her waist but clutched at the tops of her own shoulders. He takes a deep breath before pulling back. While looking down at her, he removed his hat and threw it through the doorway of his bedroom, landing it on his bed smoothly. 

She was silently impressed, but Jake’s smirk let her know he could see through her facade. She rolled her eyes at him and pushed away from his chest making him smile more sweetly. 

“Incredible as always,” He follows her into his living room to sit on the couch while they catch up, his tone giddy. The cats followed. “We even finished a bit of new music. But like always, I’m happy to have a break from it all. Ready to just soak in this life for a good while.” 

“Ready to be Jake Kiszka, cat dad, Criminal Minds aficionado and shrimp’s best friend, not Jake Kiszka, guitarist of Greta Van Fleet, rock god and panty dropper.” 

“Exactly,” Jake giggles, pulling at the hairtie keeping his hair pulled back, letting the brown locks loose. “Still panty dropper, though. I can’t just turn that off.” 

She nudges one of her feet that is on the couch against Jake’s thigh in chastisement. He moves his leg to press back at her and they stay connected as they regard each other. Hot Dog had followed them and was jumping up into Jake’s lap while Cheese was sauntering across the back of the couch, inspecting his freed hair. 

Jake feels his blonde cat’s presence and tilts his head back, allowing the large cat to sniff the top of his human’s scalp. Jake’s eyes slip shut at the sensation, the side of his lip quirking up. Hot Dog chirps while he pets him absently but carefully, between his ears, just like he liked it. She admires her friend basking in his pets’ love and attention. The reunion was quite cute and she wished it could be like this all the time. The four of them, happy and content. 

“Speaking of Criminal Minds,” Jake raises his head back up after a reasonable amount of comfortable silence, besides the black cat’s purring. “All I’m in the mood for is vegging out on this couch. Will you stay? We can order Thai?”  

“Eh, I’ve kind of had my fill of cats,” She says and watches as Jake’s eyes widen momentarily before he neutralizes his features and smiles, albeit a little sadly. She doesn’t even let him get a word in, placing a hand on his shoulder after brushing back a piece of his hair. “Kidding. Consider it your payment for the cat/plant/apartment-sitting.” 

Jake laughs, relieved before furrowing his brow and saying her name seriously. He rarely did that, over the last year she hadn’t heard him say it more than a handful of times. “I’m gonna pay you for the cat sitting.” 

She laughs awkwardly and removes her hand from him. “That’s not necessary.” 

“You stayed for two and a half months, caring for them every single day. Plus you did my laundry, watered the plants and who knows what else.” He pauses to glance around the room, waving his hand to the corner. “Reorganized my records and bookshelves since I’m lazy and don’t always put them back in alphabetical order.” 

“I lived in a nice apartment for two and a half months, ate the food there, enjoyed all the amenities and got to hang out with two cute furry friends whenever they wanted. The food and your company is payment enough.” She hated when Jake offered her money, even in this case where he really was paying her for a service. It still felt weird to take money from her best friend like this. 

“I insist,” He pushes. “You deserve it.” 

“Jake, seriously,” She huffs, standing to walk away from the couch. He follows quickly behind, the pair of them making their way into the kitchen. “I don’t want your money. It’s weird, this was just a favor for my best friend.” 

Her real life job was something that she didn’t feel particularly strong about anymore and since Covid she’d been able to do all her work remotely. All communication was online and she never had to go into an office again if she didn’t want to, so she’d been making her own money while at Jake’s place without him giving her his. 

He puts his hands to his hips as he watches her open his fridge and ignore him staring at her. He rolls his eyes when she still won’t look at him and instead pulls out a kombucha she had bought a few days ago and takes a long sip. Finally she meets his eyes after shutting the fridge and leans against the counter beside it, placing them on opposite corners of the room. 

“Fine, I won’t pay you for your service. I will simply pay you in Thai food and other take out until I deem fit. How’s that sound?” 

She smiles at his persistence. “And drinks for life,” She speaks over the lid of her drink, eyelashes fluttering as she looks up at him from her reclined position. 

Jake chuckles, elation spreading across his face, his tired eyes still bright despite everything. “That’s why you denied physical money. You’re an incredible con artist, shrimp. Guaranteeing libations for life. I respect it.” 

She laughs and walks out of the kitchen, Jake following behind like one of his cats following himself. “I imagine I’ll take care of your cats again in the near future and then you’ll try to pay me again. I’m trying to mitigate having this conversation over and over.” 

Jake ahh’s in understanding as the pair take their spots on the couch once more. She grabs the blanket while Jake grabs the remote, easily falling into routine. 

“There’s intricate levels to it all.” She muses, laying it flat against their bodies. Jake scoots closer so that the blanket can cover more of both of their pairs of legs. 

“You’re much smarter than me.” 

“Now that’s a compliment from sir Jacob Thomas Kiszka.” 

She leans into his side as he moves his arm out of the way and onto the back of the couch, allowing her to further lean against his warm chest. He chuckles offhandedly at the name she had used. 

“Call for Thai after the opening credis, yeah?” Jake asks as he mindlessly flicks through the streaming service to their favorite shared show. 

She nods against him, tickling him slightly, and hums her assent to his question. 

Jake calls for the takeout and she takes the time to change into sweats. In Jake’s room, the room that had been hers for a few months, but now was refilled with his presence, she looked at the hat on the bed. She left the door cracked, not on purpose but she also didn’t mind as she pulled the crop top from her body. She looked at her bag that was already zipped up, remembering she had neatly put everything away in preparation of leaving after Jake returned home. Her eyes cast around the room and landed on the pile of neatly folded shirts and sweatshirts of Jake’s she had worn during her stay and subsequently washed. Her hands plucked the grey shirt off of the top of the pile without thinking too hard about it as she slipped it over her head before realizing she also wanted to change her pants. Jake didn’t leave any sweatpants behind for her to mooch from, so unzipping her bag became necessary. She felt a little silly wearing Jake’s shirt now, but it wasn’t that weird so it was only a passing thought.  

For a brief moment, she is just in her red cotton panties and Jake’s stretched out t-shirt standing in Jake’s bedroom. The shirt was slightly cropped due to her breasts, leaving the lower part of her stomach, just below her belly button exposed. The hem in the back brushed at the red lace that ran around the band of the panties. The fabric of the sweatpants slipped up her legs just as Jake was walking up to the door to inform her of when the food would arrive. His eyes caught the flash of red lace disappearing beneath the brown cotton and it stopped him in his tracks. 

An audible gasp must be heard because she’s turned her head over her shoulder to look at him through the crack in the door as her hands are busy tying the tie on her sweatpants, cinching them to her waist. 

“Don’t tell me you’ve never seen a girl’s panties before, Jacob.” She pushes the door open further and tilts her head to look up at him quizzically. 

His pinkened cheeks are delightfully youthful on his mature face, the mustache he’d been trying to grow a bit of a shadow on his face now. She smiles, pitying her best friend’s boyish response. 

“I’d be a liar if I said I hadn’t,” He tries to laugh it off, looking down at the floor for a moment, unsure why he felt so bashful about seeing her dressing. It wasn’t even like he’d seen her ass, just the top band of the panties as they were covered. “Just the red…didn’t know you wore red lace –” He cuts himself off, rubbing the back of his neck for a quick moment as she laughs at him. 

“God, you’re such a tween boy sometimes,” She pushes at his shoulder when she passes by him, leaving him leaning against his doorway, the information about the food forgotten on his lips momentarily.  

Jake gets the door when it rings with their food a reasonable 20 minutes later. He resumes his seat beside his best friend as she throws the blanket off of her, sitting up to look at the array of food Jake was setting out from the brown paper bag. The night is filled with laughter, tasty food and murder mysteries the pair could likely quote at this point, they’d seen all the episodes so many times together. 

“His favorite album is the White Album! That’s insane, I forgot. Jake, Hotch and I are literally soulmates.” She muses, staring at the screen with wide eyes and then looking at Jake. 

He laughs as a noodle falls from his chopstick just as it was about to enter his mouth and she grimaces at how adorably messy of an eater he was. There was a smudge of Pad Thai sauce on the corner of his lip and she didn’t have the heart to tell him, especially considering that it would reappear in the next five minutes. She just had to wait until they finished eating to assess the damage. 

“That’s why the fictional FBI man is your soulmate?” His tone was incredulous and amused. 

“Mhmm,” She nods in confirmation, taking a bite of her fresh roll and then humming in satisfaction at the taste. “Fuck that’s good.” 

Jake raises his left brow at her and watches her for a moment longer, in her own little world as she continues to chew on the roll of vegetables. Even eating in his frumpy tattered shirt and her sweatpants, with her feet tucked beneath her on the couch, he was unable to not be taken with her beauty. He was struck silent even more as he marveled at her like this than at the glance of her underwear. 

He knew his friend was beautiful, he’d seen people come and go in her life, attempting to hold her attention long enough to call it a relationship but they never lasted. He was pretty sure he knew why they didn’t last, they didn’t understand that while she was beautiful to look at, there was so much more beauty hidden inside of her head, inside of her heart. She was kind when she wanted to be, hilarious without even trying and wiser beyond her years. 

So it didn’t matter if she was stretching her arms above her head in a lacy panty and bra set or hunched over herself in old sweats, he found her transcendently breathtaking. As a friend. Friends knew each other’s worth, noticed the beauty in them, enjoyed their company. 

They binge-watched television until the cats began to chirp at Jake, imploring him to settle into bed so that they could then take up residence around him. 

“Got one last night in you?” Jake questions as they clean up the food and turn off the television. 

“Don’t you want your bed to yourself and the boys?” 

“Nah,” Jake shakes his head emphatically. “I’m tired of sleeping alone. Sleep better next to someone, I think. Stupid twin thing.” 

She cackles at his words, already beginning to prepare to sleep over. “You think your sleeping companions are a stand in for your insane identical twin brother? That is so freaky.” 

She hears Jake’s laughter from a room away, loud and clear. The joy is evident in the volume and she imagines his grin is taking up his entire face. She wished she could see it, even with her it was rare. 

She slips her bra from beneath Jake’s shirt and debates switching to her sleep shorts she thankfully had brought for lounging or sleeping in the sweats. Thinking about the space heater of a human that was going to be beside her, plus his two mini heaters of fur, she went to her zipped bag once more. Her hands rooted around the insides contents, cursing herself silently for not realizing she’d be staying over as she fucked up her nicely packed belongings. 

As if on cue, Jake finishes putting away the leftovers, dealing with utensils and shutting up his apartment just as she’s taking down her sweatpants. She takes them and throws them over her bag, before picking up her sleep shorts to do a quick change between her cheeky panties and the navy blue shorts with little bees on them. 

Jake’s already walking through the door not realizing her state of undress. She holds the shorts in front of herself slightly awkwardly and he stops when he realizes her legs are bare. 

“Sorry,” He says, a chuckle under his breath as he ducks his head and turns around. 

She rolls her eyes to herself and finishes changing. “I’m beginning to think you want to see me in my underwear with your timing.” 

Jake knows she’s done when she taps his shoulder. He turns and finds her seated at the edge of his bed, still in his shirt and the tiny blue shorts she had been holding to cover the lace red panties that Jake wasn’t mad about seeing again. 

She noticed the way his adam’s apple bobbed for a second as he swallowed and she tilted her head up at him in confusion. 

“You’d know if I wanted to see you in your underwear, shrimp.” His voice is almost hoarse as he speaks, lowering it to keep the rasp at bay. It sounds melancholy and she thinks it’s just because he’s tired and sad his touring is over but he’s also happy to be home. She thinks because of that she should probably ignore it and try to lighten the mood, keep the bit going.

She blinks up at him, voice a touch dreamy. “Would I?” 

Jake’s lips curl up in silent response and then he unbuttons the last two buttons on his shirt and pulls it casually from his body, all while staying in front of her. Then his hands go up to his hair, retying it into a messy ponytail. She frowns at how he had done it and sighs, laying on her back as he removes his pants, leaving him in his boxers, light blue and surprisingly crisp looking. 

“C’mon shrimp, brush your teeth or you’ll hate yourself in the morning.” 

She groans in response and sticks her right hand into the air, silently requesting for Jake to pull her up. He obliges quickly and carefully, pulling her to a complete stand directly in front of him. His strength was surprising and she steadied herself with her free hand against the lightly tanned skin of his chest. 

“You’re welcome, by the way.” He raises his eyebrows at her. Her eyes are wide as she regards his face right in front of hers. 

Jake feels her fingertips against his chest and the warmth is so welcome he doesn’t let go over her hand that he’s holding. They’re just stuck staring at each other, one step apart from being chest to chest. Her fingers flex into his skin, curling over his collarbone. 

A swish of a soft tail weaving between their legs sends them apart and allows for laughter to fill the room. She walks out of the room first and Jake mutters a quick ‘thanks Hot Dog’ at the cat who was hopping onto the bed and curling up at the foot of it. 

Jake finds his best friend sitting on the closed toilet seat, toothbrush between her teeth and his toothpaste left open on the sink. They brush their teeth in silence and he lets her wash her face before him, their nighttime routines coexisting in a perfect dance. 

Before she leaves the bathroom, she rests her head against his back for a moment, her temple against his spine. He pauses, his hands hovering in front of his face with suddsy water. 

“I’m happy you’re home. This place is meant to have you in it.” 

He tilts his head back, placing it atop hers in recognition of what she’s said. This was home. Not the apartment, persay, but with her by his side. 

She walks back to the bedroom because she knows that Jake’s nonverbal responses were sometimes the only response he gave. The cats were both thankfully at the foot of the bed so that she and Jake wouldn’t have to fight for space to sleep. She gets in on the left, where she had slept for the past two and a half months, knowing Jake preferred the right. 

Her knees are tucked up to her chest as she sits against the headboard when Jake walks into the room, flicking the main light off. It leaves them in complete darkness for a moment while Jake crosses to his nightstand and turns on the lamp. This causes him to disappear and then reappear right beside her which she finds only mildly disturbing, residual Criminal Minds thoughts swimming around her brain. 

Jake sits beside her, making no move to go to sleep. The room is quiet besides the occasional cat purring and it brings a contented smile to Jake’s face. 

“Shrimp,” he speaks up, turning his neck to look at her before sighing and saying her real name. “I don’t know if this is too much, but we’ve known each other for so long, I feel really awkward bringing it up.” 

“You can tell me anything, Jake. You’re my best friend,” She chuckles when she thinks something. “You know I’d help you bury a body wherever. No questions asked.” 

Jake mirrors her laughter, albeit a little more stilted. His hair is loose again and he runs a hand through it. He could never make up his mind about it. But he knew what he had decided about this. 

“It’s not a dead body…yet.” He takes a deep breath and takes her hand closest to him. Her breath catches at the move, so familiar yet different, the calluses of his fingers simultaneously smooth and rough. “I just thought a lot about it while I was on tour. You’re my best friend, too, if that wasn’t clear.” 

“You’re rambling, Jake.” She informs him gently, rubbing her fingers over the back of his hand that remained inhers. 

He flushes and she notices it on his chest before returning her gaze to his face.

“Sorry,” He replies but she smiles at him, communicating that it wasn’t something to be sorry for. “I’m just nervous. I really want to kiss you right now.” 

Her eyebrows raise in surprise but the expression is immediately replaced with joy. “Then kiss me.” 

“Really?” Jake’s eyebrows mirror hers from seconds before. She nods and then they’re meeting in the middle. 

Their intertwined hands don’t drop one another as they press against each other’s lips in a much overdue embrace. It’s soft and sweet, loving. Jake is tender and insistent upon her lips, nothing like she had ever imagined he would be with other partners. But this was Jake with her, his best friend. He was determined to take his time loving her. With every kiss, he was going to show her how beautiful he thought she was. He wanted to show her the beauty he saw in her.

She sighs against his mouth after a few minutes of the sweet yet passionate kisses. “Is this why you insisted I brush my teeth?” 

He giggles, uncharacteristically sweet, against her lips and presses another kiss in response. “Maybe.” 

[broken--stardust]

Trying to be closer to the boys I see 😏 lucky

lol, though they DO live here, i've actually wanted to move here since i was in middle school and i am a classically trained vocalist and pianist, and i taught myself guitar. all that to say i don't want to give anyone the impression that i moved here solely for 4 silly white boys when i have a whole musical career of my own to pursue!! 🤍 this city is rich with history, musical and non-musical alike, with a diverse culture to experience :) my cousin will be moving here with his own band soon too!

[broken--stardust]

just wanted to let everyone know, i am not abandoning my writing!! i just moved to nashville last weekend, so i have been busy with that, and my laptop actually broke the week before i moved 🙃 my brother was supposed to be getting one of his ready for me but it wasn't ready before i moved so i'm just waiting on him. trust me i'm SO anxious to write!! i will have some requests to finish and a couple ideas of my own 🤍

in the meantime if you have any short imagine/blurb requests i can write them on my phone, they won't be my usual formatting or look nearly as 'nice' but i will try my best. i'm anxious to write SOMETHING!

[broken--stardust]

i literally teared up this is so cute 😭

My Girl (Jake Kiszka x F!Reader)

“I'm still in love with you, on this harvest moon”

18+ minors dni!! 5.2k words (Warnings: pure smut, fingering, unprotected sex, F!sub M!dom-ish) It’s august and I’m ready for fall.

*In my head, Harvest Moon is the record that Jake put on while he was reading*

The wind blows the crisp leaves across the ground, scraping the cement patio and swirling around your feet. You pull his flannel tighter around your shoulders, curling your arms around yourself as you breathe in the earthy air. Since you moved in with Jake last spring the back porch of his cabin has always been your safe place, no matter the season. Still the chill in the autumn air made the atmosphere that much more comforting to you.

Autumn has always been your favorite season, everything about it made you feel warm inside. It was something you desperately needed as Jake rummaged around inside the house packing for yet another leg of a lengthy tour. You tried your best not to show how much his absence affected you but sometimes it was easier said than done.

You wore your emotions on your sleeve which meant that Jake, being so in tune with you- almost always called your bluff. You couldn’t lie to him if you tried. Which is why this afternoon when he finally pulled out his suitcase and started packing you disappeared to the kitchen to make yourself some tea.

It wasn’t five minutes that you’d been down there when you felt his comforting arms wrap around your waist from behind, his chin laying on your shoulder.

He tilted his head and pressed a soft kiss just below your ear. “Everything will be okay, you know” he whispered. You set the tea mug occupying your hands back down on the counter.

“I just hate it when you leave,” you whispered back. He laughed softly, his breath moving the wispy hairs on your neck.

“I hate it when I leave too,”

“No you don’t-“ you nudged him and turned around in his arms until you were facing him, your bodies held tightly together. “You love going off and playing rockstar” you poked his chest, smirking up at him.

“But I hate leaving my girl” he reached up and tucked your hair behind your ear, pressing a kiss to your forehead.

“I know baby” you whispered, tilting your head into his hand and looking up to meet his eyes.

“How about I take you out for a nice dinner tonight, just the two of us, hm?” He leaned in then and pressed a lingering kiss to your forehead. You gave him a soft smile and nodded, acknowledging him as he pulled away, rubbing your back. He left then, leaving you to your own devices.

That’s how you ended up here a few hours later, on the back porch looking over the grass and into the trees whose leaves had long started abandoning them.

The wind has significantly picked up since you first came outside, a chill running through you again as you sipped the dredges out of your third and final cup of tea. You check your phone, barely realizing the hours that had passed you by until now. A low rumble sounds out in the distance, so soft that you surely wouldn’t have heard it had you been inside.

A light rain starts and you decide to head back inside, the television in the living room is on- a weatherman droning on about a line of storms threatening the area. You crack a smile at the way he sounds so grave, nearly demonizing Mother Nature for her power. You enjoy storms, just as much if not more than Jake. It was one of the first things you’d found to have in common with him. When you were on your third date, huddled down in the mountains just outside Nashville with no umbrella. You both were soaked by the time you trudged through the mud back to his truck. Luckily that was also the first night he’d invited you back to his house, the fireplace in his bedroom warming you both up nicely.

You sigh at the memory, your mind wandering to where he was now. He’s probably been done packing for a while, but he knew to mind you when you went out on the porch. You round the corner to the front door where his bags sit packed and waiting for the morning. You avert your eyes quickly as if not acknowledging their existence would somehow change the inevitable. You walk towards the front door and lock the deadbolt, peering out the window to the driveway as the rain starts to turn the cement gray.

You turn to walk back towards the living room and bump straight into him, a small sound of impact leaving him and a startled yelp leaving you.

“good lord you’re quiet” You breathe out, shutting your eyes for a moment to calm your heartbeat.

“Sorry” You hear the smile in his voice and look up at him, his damp hair laying in soft waves across his forehead, down to his shoulders. The smell of his shampoo and cologne mix in the air between you and suddenly you don’t want to go to dinner.

“Baby-“ you wrap your arms around his waist, he looks down at you. “Can we just stay in tonight?” Your fingers brush his lower back just under the hem of his hoodie, your eyes roaming his face before locking on his. “This weather has the couch, and a warm fire calling our name and I wanna spend tonight alone”

“You know I can never say no to you when you give me those eyes” He grins down at you and another low rumble rolls through the outside air. “I like the sound of that better anyway” The wind chime outside the screen door of the glass slider plays a minor melody as a cool breeze strains through the screen and into the living room.

Not even ten minutes later you’re curled up with him on the sofa, a bottle of wine on the coffee table and a record playing low enough that the still quiet rumbles outside are audible. He leans up against the arm of the couch, his legs that you sit between are stretched out across the length of the cushions. You can feel his chest rise and fall with each breath he takes as you lean back against him, your head resting against his shoulder.

“Tonight!“ He say suddenly, startling you. “Tonight-“ he repeats softy, “I’ll read to you, my dear- a story of adventure, unlikely hero’s and wizards” The book he’s holding in his hands is old, looks like something he’s had for years. The black hardcover is left bare and missing the outer sleeve, multiple pages bunny-eared. The silver writing on the spine is barely visible to you as he clears his throat softly and flips open the book in his hands.

“It’s Tolkien again, isn’t it” You smile through faux annoyance.

“No what would make you think that?” He keeps a stoic face making it impossible to tell if he was lying or not.

“Just a wild guess” You quip, thinking back on all the times over the past months you’d light heartedly teased him for his extensive collection of books, particularly Tolkien. He had duplicate upon duplicate insisting that each one read differently than the other. Come on, he was a nearly perfect human, you had to find something to pester him about.

“Ready?” He whispers, and you nod. The paper crinkles as he turns the first page and you sink further into him as the rain picks up ever so slightly outside.

“In a hole in the ground there lived a hobbit.” He couldn’t get the whole sentence out before giggling, the movement shaking your body slightly. You grab the book from his hands and flip it around, Tolkien's name engraved in silver on the spine.

“Excuse me” he grabs the book back and flips it open, holding it in one hand above you, his other hand resting on your waist. “Let me read to you”

“We couldn’t possibly finish this tonight-“ you cut yourself off.

“No, but I can read you the first chapter” He pulls the blanket up around you two a little more, his free hand dipping below it to rest on your waist once more. “And then over the next month, any time you miss me- just read another chapter and think of this moment”

“If I do that I could read this book ten times over”

“Then In that case” his thumb runs lazy circles into your side. “I expect a three page essay on hobbits”

“Can I just print out your brother's Wikipedia page?”

“Ha ha very funny” he smirks down at you, “now relax and let me read to my girl”

“I like it when you call me your girl”

“I know you do, now hush baby” He continues running his calloused fingertips across your delicate skin. “In a hole in the ground there lived a hobbit.” The flames in the fireplace crackle as the wind blowing through the open window dances with the flames. “Not a nasty, dirty, wet hole, filled with the ends of worms and an oozy smell, nor yet a dry, bare, sandy hole with nothing in it to sit down on or to eat: it was a hobbit-hole, and that means comfort.” His voice is soothing as he reads each word expertly- as if his eyes have graced these pages a thousand times.

The rain pounds against the windows now and you close your eyes, getting lost in him as he carries on. “It had a perfectly round door like a porthole, painted green, with a shiny yellow brass knob in the exact middle.”

His fingers dip beneath the waistband of your pants absentmindedly, the side of his pointer and middle fingers playing with the dip of your hip bone. “The door opened on to a tube-shaped hall like a tunnel-” His fingers dip lower still, and your heart skips in your chest.

“Jake what are you-“

“Shh sh sh- pay attention baby” he hushes you, never ceasing his movement “a tunnel-a very comfortable tunnel without smoke, with panelled walls, and floors tiled and carpeted, provided with polished chairs, and lots and lots of pegs for hats and coats-“ The inflection in his voice changes in pitch as he reads, seemingly unaware of the way your body is reacting to his tender touch and the way your cheeks are gradually turning hotter with every brush of his fingertips.

You open your eyes and lean your head back further against this shoulder, attempting to peer up at him only to find him looking back down at you with soft eyes and lips tilted up in a lazy smile. He lowers the book, his eyes never leaving yours, “-the hobbit was fond of visitors.” He finished without even looking at the page. He lays his palm flat against your hip, his fingers splayed against your skin, far enough that his fingertips ghost the inner crease of your thigh.

“Do you want to take a turn reading? Page for page?” His pinky presses into your outer thigh almost urging you to take the book in your hands.

You shift between his legs, moving to your back to comfortably hold the book above you. With the straightening of your hips, his pointer and middle finger slide until they’re laid against your bare pussy. He doesn’t move them like you expect him to, instead with his free hand, he lightly knocks the back of the book in your hand with his knuckle.

“What are you waiting for, sugar? Read” he kisses the top of your head and you open the book to the second page.

Thunder rumbles louder now, the tail end rattling the window panes. A cool breeze coming from the slider blows back the cover of a magazine that’s sitting on the coffee table. You bring your attention back to the words in front of you and as you start to read, Jake’s free hand lays against your stomach, his fingertips playing with the hem of your shirt. “The tunnel wound on and on, going fairly but not quite straight into the side of the hill” His hand slipped up your shirt swiftly, wasting no time cupping your bare breast. His fingertips fan across your sensitive skin, playing over your nipple as it hardens under his touch.

“The hill-“ you inhale sharply as he deftly pinches the bud between his fingertips, rolling it. “The hill-“ you continue shakily- “as all the people for many miles round called it- many little round doors opened out of- Jake!” You whine, clamping your legs shut as his finger tips easily slip into your soaked cunt.

You hear his breath catch in his throat but his voice comes out far too innocent, “what’s got you so worked up, doll?” His voice has gravel to it, “you’re soaked” He whispers in a tone you’ve come to know very well, a tone that immediately makes your heart beat between your legs.

“Don’t you know? The Hobbit is my favorite piece of erotic literature” You giggle but it quickly turns into a moan as he attempts to slide his fingers inside you further, effectively shutting you up.

“Keep them open for me baby” he nudges at your thighs and they fall open, the book in your hands falling closed on your stomach. You let your head fall back into him but he shifts his shoulder against you, “Huh uh- read to me”

You make a noise of protest, the weight of his fingers against you becoming heavier by the second. Begrudgingly, you pick the book up and flip through the table of contents to your page again, your fingers sliding across the pages like his slide through your slick. You shiver and he notices as you start reading off the sentences in front of you.

You’re simply on autopilot- you’re reading aloud but not comprehending a word, you stumble over yourself only adding to the flaming in your cheeks. He teases you relentlessly, only dipping his fingertips in, never giving any kind of reprieve. You can feel him pressing into your lower back through his jeans, showing how much he enjoys making you so flustered. Every so often a pitiful whine will escapes your lips, causing his cock to twitch against your back.

You turn the page and pause for a moment before continuing. He doesn’t stop you for his turn to read, instead he plunges his fingers deep into you, curling them upwards into the spot that makes your legs shake. You cry out suddenly- cutting yourself off mid sentence. One of your hands darting out to grab onto his wrist, your pinky finger hooking into his frayed bracelet. “Jake please” you whimper.

“Please what baby?” He hums, his calloused fingertips stroking your walls.

“Take me to bed already” You buck your hips into his hand and he slips his other hand out from under your shirt and takes the book from you, tossing it to the coffee table.

“Not yet- let me make you feel good” he soothes, smoothing his hand over your hair. He shifts underneath the blanket and pushes at the hem of your pants and underwear until they’re around your thighs. You slide them off the rest of the way and let your legs fall open across his thighs, surrendering yourself to his agile fingers.

Jake holds his hand still, your grip around his wrist loosening as he makes slow circular motions with his middle finger against your silky walls. A heavy sigh leaves your lips, your heels digging into the cushion your feet are sharing with his.

“You can be louder- I want your sweet noises to echo in my head even after I’m away” with that he slides his index finger inside to join the other, stretching you out that much further.

“That could get you in trouble-“ you breathe, leading into another roll of your hips.

“It does-“ he starts moving his fingers in and out of you, “you know how hard it is to keep quiet enough in those bus bunks” He pumps his fingers into you faster, “So. fucking. hard. baby doll”

He pumps up into you between every word, your moans filling the quiet spaces. Your hips move fluidly against his movements, soft moans falling from your lips as he teases your impending orgasm. It tightens within you, building like wave after wave, cresting only to be pulled back into the ocean- never to break on shore.

It’s hard to focus on one thing only, your mind flooded with a million different senses as you grind yourself against his hand. You try to focus on everything one by one, the rain outside is still hitting the window, the sky dark enough for flashes of lightning to be just visible before thunder cracks, the fire not yet having burnt out, the logs glowing hot orange.

His scent sucks you back in and you’re drowning once more. The way his right hand grips your breast as his left is buried inside you, the way little puffs of breath leave his lungs everytime you roll your hips back down, pressing on his cock that’s straining against his jeans.

His thumb brushes over your too sensitive clit and you cry out immediately, your hips bucking up into his hand as your loud sob mixes with a particularly loud crack of thunder.

“There she is, that’s my girl-“ He groans as he continues to press slow tight circles into your clit. His other hand slides up from your chest, his long slender fingers circling your neck.

“please” You squeak out.

“Please, what?” He asks so simply as if the answer wasn’t so obvious.

“tighter plea- ah shit!” You whimper as his fingertips press into your throat with just enough pressure before you could finish asking. You press your head back into his shoulder, your nose pressing under his jawline. He keeps his pace consistent, the pressure between your hips building so slowly, it’s almost agonizing.

You dart your tongue out to lick the salty ridge of his jawbone and his breathing falters, a deep sigh leaving his nose. “oh you liked that” you whisper hoarsely against the thin delicate skin stretched over his neck. Suddenly the heat in your stomach intensifies, your walls clenching around his fingers as he continues sliding them in and out of you.

“I know you’re close I can feel that pretty pussy begging-“ he grunts and your eyes roll into the back of your head, your body feeling on fire. “Be a good girl and let me have it.” He pumps his fingers into you a few more times, tightening his grip on your throat, and you reach your peak like a tidal wave. You cry out so loudly you’re sure your voice would echo through the open windows if it hadn’t been for the rain. You fuck yourself down onto his fingers, nearly riding his hand. “Shit- that’s it baby- good fucking girl” he grunts and your body trembles against him as he releases his grip on your throat, your lungs immediately filling with a deep breath. A string of curses leave your lips as you ride out the rest of your orgasm on his fingers, your legs shaking as you come down.

Your heart pounds in your chest as you twitch around his fingers that rest still inside you. His fingers of the opposite hand run along your collarbone and down your chest where his flannel has fallen loose off your shoulder. He slips his fingers from you, your legs relaxing immediately. He brings his fingers to his lips, sucking the two digits into his mouth. “I will never get enough of you”

“You can have as much of me as you want Jakey-'' you reach out and hold his hand in your as you kick the blanket off of you, the body heat accumulating underneath it a bit too much. “I’m yours”

He’s quiet for a moment although you can feel his heart pounding against his chest, still elated. Your breathing starts to even out as the rain outside has softened against the window- an even cooler breeze welcomed on your hot skin. He squeezes your hand and kisses the top of your head before speaking, “do you remember when we first met?”

The question takes you aback and you chuckle a little before answering. “Of course I do- thought you were the most handsome man in that bar” you squeeze back at his hand.

“I thought there was ‘no way she’d ever lay eyes on me-‘ and look at us now.” He huffs a breath and you feel him tilt his head to the side.

You turn over so you’re on your knees between his legs, facing him for the first time since you laid on the couch. “I thought the same thing about you. I was on the verge of fainting watching you play that guitar”

“It’s the fingers, isn't it?”

You giggle, toying with a frayed hole in the knee of his jeans. “Maybe” You look up at him through hooded eyes and slide your fingertips up the bulge in his pants, precum soaking through leaving a dark spot on his jeans. “But honestly Jake, the whole night all I wanted was for you to take me home” You pop open the button with a flick of your finger, “or better yet pushed me to my knees behind that stupid little van while your brothers tore down” You start pulling at the zipper and he hisses between his teeth at the release of pressure. “Wanted to get on my knees right there for you while you played”

“You’re lucky I didn’t know that then, and don’t go giving me any ideas- oh..” He tilts his head back against the arm of the couch as you take his cock in your fist through his boxers. You pump it a few times before leaning down further and tugging at the elastic.

You can smell him and it’s making your fucking mouth water. “Wanna taste you-“

“No-“ he gently grabs your hand and pulls it away from his leaking cock, the elastic snapping back against his hips. “babydoll the minute your lips touch me, I’m going to lose it down the back of your throat-“ He threads his fingers into your hair, guiding your doe eyes back to him. Heat pools between your legs once again and you swear you feel yourself dripping down your thighs.

“I want it-“ You whine, pushing yourself forward but he tilts your head up last minute, capturing your lips with a kiss.

He pulls away gently, just enough that your lips still brush his as he speaks. “and I want you-“ his hand slides up the back of your thigh, cupping your ass and giving it a squeeze. “You have three seconds to get upstairs” He says lowly, as he pulls away, flashing you a dark smile. Your heart beat picks up and you clamber off the couch and dash for the staircase. You pound up the wooden stairs, your socks giving you very little traction to work with. His footsteps are close behind and you giggle, not daring to look back as you work on unbuttoning the flannel. You round the landing, freeing yourself of the shirt and tossing it back to him in an attempt to gain some ground. You nearly fly into the bedroom, the door banging against the wall as your giggles become sporadic.

Just as you reach the bed his arms circle around your waist and you let out a yelp as he pulls you down with him onto the comforter. “You’re an easy prey” he notes before grabbing you under your arms and pushing your body up towards the headboard.

“I let you win” you pant as you try to make out his features above you.

“Whatever helps you sleep at night, sugar” he sits back on his heels between your legs and fluidly pulls his shirt off, the faint light from the hallway exposing every curve and divot of his body. His jeans and briefs slip off shortly after as he stares down at you, taking in every bit of your bare skin that he could see in the low light. You see a small smirk form on his lips, one that almost instilled fear in you- but mostly to your poor cunt.

“Don’t look at me like that” You whisper, your voice sounding timid.

“Like what”

“Like your going to pin me against this bed and fuck me into the sheets”

“What if I want to?” He challenges.

Your eyes widen, “what-“ He cuts you off effectively and flips you over like a rag doll, your knees bending as he pulls your hips back, your ass smacking against his cock. “I said-“ he leans forward, pressing a kiss just below your ear. You can feel the cool pendant of his necklace lay between your shoulder blades. His breath fans over the side of your face as he whispers, “I said, what if I want to.” His fingers press further into the soft flesh on your thighs and he leans back spreading you out before him.

“Then stop fucking around and do it already” you say through your teeth, his fingers digging into the meat of your ass. He’s still for a moment, and you think you may have fucked up- until he spits. You can feel it, warm and sliding down all the way to your aching pussy.

“Yes ma’am” he addressed you as he slides himself between your ass cheeks, his hips slowly thrusting up against the soft heat of your body. “Fuck you feel so good” he mumbles, his hand reaching out to grab your hair in a makeshift ponytail. His cock slips easily between your legs and your arms grow weak as he slides it through your folds, teasing you.

“Please-“ you tremble, pressing yourself further against him as he kneeled behind you.

“Please what babydoll? Use your words” He continues to slide himself further through your folds, the tip of his cock deliciously catching your clit.

“Please fuck me, Jake. Please, I want your cock inside me- now” You mewl into the sheets that are balled up in your fists.

“Fuck.” He whines, your begging always made his cock twitch. He delivers a particularly sharp smack against the swell of your ass, and you bite down on your lip a low moan escaping you. “Yeah you like that?” You can feel his eyes roaming your body, his hand sliding down the arch of your back.

“Do it again Jake- please do it again” you beg, and you tense up in anticipation for another strike. It happens very quickly, the stinging cry still leaving your chest as he flips you over onto your back, crawling up the length of your body until he hovers perfectly above you, his hair falling down over his shoulders. Your breath heaves in your chest as you process your new position.

He leans down, pressing a quick fiery kiss against your lips before lining up with your opening.

“You ready?” He reaches up, grabbing both your wrists and pinning them just below the headboard.

“Give it to me” You huff, rocking your hips against the tip of his cock. A gasp leaves the both of you as he slips in suddenly, whether he meant to do it or not or if it was a result of your movement. He stops halfway, closing his eyes and taking calculated breaths. You try to stay still but you can’t help when your muscles tense around him as he lets out the most pathetic whine. He slides inside you just a little, giving you time to adjust to his girth.

“You feel so fucking good.” He pushes in a little more.

“Oh…” You pant as he stretches you out. It feels like heaven, so hot and painfully hard inside you. Finally he slides in all the way, plunging to the hilt. Your face is screwed up in pleasure, your eyes rolling as he pulls back before fucking himself into you again. His hands release your wrists and fly down to your legs, pulling your ankles to rest over his shoulders. The new angle has you nearly screaming, your legs shaking as his fingers dig into your thighs.

“Look at you so desperate for release” his voice shakes with every thrust, “you want me to make you cum, princess?” He grins down at you, desperately holding himself back from actually fucking you into the bed.

“Yes, Jake-“ you choke out, reaching your arms up to grab onto any part of him you could get your hands on. His movements halt and your eyes snap open instantly locking on his.

“What was that?” he draws out expectantly, holding out on you to the point that it’s painful.

“Yes sir! Fuck- please” You sob, and dig your nails into his forearms as traction to buck your hips into him again.

“That’s it.” He almost weeps when your cunt swallows him whole again. You didn’t know it was possible when he shoved in a little deeper, the tip of him brushing your cervix with an addicting sort of pain.

“Yes.” You closed your eyes again as the pressure between your hips built again. “Yes yes yes!” You chant like a mantra. The sweetest moan falls from Jake's lips, high pitched and longing. You open your eyes again, catching a bead of sweat dripping down his jawline. It kills you that you can’t reach up and lick it, you want to taste him so badly it’s primal. You can tell he is close to falling apart; his eyes closed and lips parted, a soft rosy flush covering his cheeks.

“You can finish.” You press your heels into his back, your hips slamming into his, your tits bouncing with every thrust.

“No, baby.” He whispers. “that’s not how this works” he brings his fingers down to your throbbing clit, your back arching off the bed with a gasp as his calloused fingertips brush against it. “You’re mine- and I will take care of you first- always. Do you understand?”

“Yes.” You whimper.

“Do you want it?”

“Yes.”

“Then let go babydoll, make a mess of me” his fingers swirl in tighter circles on your clit, drawing the most scandalous noises from your chest. His free hand is thrown over your hips, pressing down just enough to create the most euphoric friction inside you. He holds you in place while he slides into you, over and over.

You feel the familiar pressure between your hips, your body tightening around his, clasping onto his cock. He nearly collapses over the top of you, a choked moan gracing your ears. Your mouth falls open in a silent scream, the pleasure stealing the air directly from your lungs. The proverbial band finally snaps and your eyes clamp shut, your body pulsing around his.

“Oh fuck- m’gonna-“ he nearly growls, thrusting only a few more times into you before you can feel his cock twitching erratically as he fills you up. You gasp a breath, tears forming in your eyes as the pleasure consumes you, the sound of him whispering your name over and over is like music to your ears. He pushes a few more weak thrusts into you before stopping and letting his head hang, his hair brushing over your stomach.

You drop your legs from his shoulders, finally stretching your hips with a groan. As you fully come back to your senses, you can feel Jake gently stroking the side of your face as he levels his breathing. He leans forward and presses his face into the crook of your neck and your body relaxes into the bed, whimpering quietly as his cock shifts inside you. He huffs into your neck at the sound and lets his body collapse on the bed next to you, shivering as his cock slips from you.

He lays next to you silently, you can no longer hear rain hitting the windows. His arm is around your waist, your legs tangled together. You pull him tighter to you, unwillingly remembering what comes in the morning. He rubs his hand up and down your back soothingly and you think maybe he knows what you’re thinking.

“It'll be alright baby” he whispers into your shoulder before turning his face up to the ceiling. “And I was serious about reading- I’ll even call you up and read with you if you want” your heart sinks at the sentiment, “I never want you to feel like I’ve left you all alone” You press yourself closer to him and press a kiss to his shoulder, wondering how you ever got so damn lucky.

[broken--stardust]

baby blue - j.t.k.

a/n: inspiration drawn from the song "baby blue" by luke hemmings; which i highly recommend you listen to while reading [x]

summary: hot tub s*x

pairing: jake x f. reader

word count: 3.1k

warnings: SMUT (18+, MINORS DNI), fluff, childhood best friends, 4/20, explicit descriptions of smoking, drinking, straw hat mention. specific smut warnings after the cut.

explicit warnings: touching, learning each other's bodies, licking, biting, sucking, making out, fingering, slight hair-pulling, grinding, "good girl", unprotected sex, brief cockwarming

“Shut the fuck up, Sammy” your voice shook with laughter as you cursed him.

“What? It’s true!” he exclaimed as you watched his cheeks begin to tinge pink through the haze of the hot tub steam and the pipe you all were passing, the laughter of you and his brothers echoing around him as he grew more exasperated.

Josh shook his head across from him, “No way that Mickayla Howe would ever make out with you. She was too busy with Jake, anyway,” he finished with a splash toward Jake.

“What the fuck dude, this bowl is ruined now,” Jake groaned as he dumped the now moist, ground contents from his glass pipe into the grass next to the hot tub. Josh snickered a half-hearted apology as he went back to bantering with Sam, while Jake began grinding up more flower for the pipe.

“Is that true?” you whispered with a teasing grin and a poke to his bare side under the water.

He let out a little giggle as he involuntarily jumped from your ticklish gesture, before quickly trying to mask his grin and appear unphased. “Is what true, Y/N?”

“You and Icky Micky?”

He threw his head back with a laugh. “You’re terrible. She wasn’t that icky.”

“Not to you, apparently.”

He raised his eyebrows as he pulled a long drag from the pipe and held it, before blowing it right into your face. As you sputtered a cough with a playful smack to his chest, he leaned in closer to you, his fingers on your thighs and his breath tickling your ear. “Why so interested, you jealous?”

You felt your face grow warm as your fingers grazed his while grabbing the pipe from him and taking a long drag for yourself. You blew the smoke into the night without meeting his eyes. “Never.”

“Okay baby,” the pet-name falling from his lips as easily as if it were your first name, “whatever you say,” he slurred with a lopsided grin, the effects of the marijuana now evident.

You leaned back against the plastic side of the bench under the water, closing your eyes as you felt the heavy wave of your impending high begin settling atop your chest, just before your brain took flight. A soft smile drew across your lips as you relaxed, the warmth of the hot tub pairing beautifully with the warmth in your lungs. You turned your head and stole a glance at Jake, who was mirroring your position and facial expression, already staring at you.

“What?’ you giggled. Any awkwardness or embarrassment from the half-sober conversation from a few minutes ago completely dissipated with both of your new state of being.

“Nothing,” he giggled back as he turned his head to face the sky again. The sun had finally set, the dark of night washing the landscape, stars peeking through the fronds of the Florida palms above your heads. Neither of you had realized you had both leaned closer and closer to one another until your heads were touching. But in your blissed state, you didn’t mind.

“Hey,” Josh began with a soft kick to your shin under the water. “We’re gonna go inside and watch a movie, are you guys coming in?”

“Nah, I think I’m gonna smoke some more.” Jake answered.

“Yeah, me too,” you agreed.

With a few playful splashes to each other, Sammy and Josh climbed out of the hot tub and entered the condo you were all staying in and left you and Jake alone.

Jake packed a new bowl and cornered it, taking a long hit before passing it to you to smoke the rest. Sufficiently high at this point, you set the pipe down on the side of the hot tub and sank down into the water until only your head and neck were exposed to the ocean breeze, eyes closed leaning against the side.

After a few moments of silence, you felt the trepidatious touches of Jake’s calloused fingers atop your own. Growing up with the boys, you’d held hands with each of them before, wrestled each other to the ground and found yourselves in vulnerable positions, and changed in front of one another…but this was Jake. There was always something a little more with him. In high school with his Justin Bieber-esque hair and guitar always in hand as if it were an extra limb, how could you not swoon just a little? Especially when you were the best friend, the one with the “in” that all the other girls were always jealous of. But your vague attraction never crossed the threshold after innocent crushes, aside from long, stolen glances and the occasional cuddling during movie nights. Maybe as he grew into his body more; the lankiness of his teen years fading along with his love snapbacks, making room for his newfound love of straw hats and Adele; you had let your mind wander to what else could be hidden beneath his singular buttoned tops and loose linen pants.

That being said, you weren’t opposed to these exploratory touches, but you couldn’t be sure where Jake’s head was at. You opened one eye and shot him a curious glance as his grazing moved from your fingers and up your forearm. “Can I help you?” you jested, testing the waters of this uncharted territory with a playful joke, as you normally would.

He giggled as he traced his fingers back down to the top of your hand. “Maybe,” he answered, in his low tone, an extra layer to it that wasn’t normally there, but you couldn’t be certain yet of what it was.

You laced your fingers with his cautiously, as he stroked your forefinger with his thumb. “How’s that?” you played along as you caught his eye.

He held the eye contact with you for a few seconds before looking down at your lips and back up to your gaze, “Maybe it’s the weed talking, but I don’t know, I just kinda like touching you” he confessed as he removed his hand from your grasp and inched his fingers back up your arm, before slowly dragging it under your bikini strap, and laying his palm on your chest just atop your heart. “And, it kinda feels like you like it, too” he concluded breathlessly, your rapidly increasing heartbeat evident to his touch. You placed your hand atop his and dragged his fingertips up and across your collarbone and to your cheek.

As the sensations grew stronger than innocent touch and into something deeper and more intimate, especially with the heightened effects of the marijuana in your system, you let go of his hand on your body and began tracing your fingers up his arm and across his chest. You raked your nails lightly through his sparse chest hair as he hissed slightly, both of your eyes following what your fingers would do next. You began softly dragging your fingertips up and to the back of his neck before tangling them into his hair, causing him to release a quiet moan. You then moved your fingers across his face, dragging your thumb lightly across his bottom lip as you made eye contact again, though ever so slightly blurry in each other’s haze. You held each other’s gaze as you smoothed your hand back down his neck and to his chest before the weight of the situation fell on you in an instant and you felt a blush rise to your cheeks. “Sorry” you mumbled before dropping your hand back onto the bench, and your gaze back to your lap.

He released a shaky breath you didn’t know he’d been holding. “Why’d you stop there?” he whispered.

You met his stare in an instant and took notice of his half-lidded eyes and the steady rise and fall of his chest. “You wanted me to keep going?” you responded breathlessly.

He nodded vigorously before tentatively grabbing your fingers and placing them back on his chest. “I’ve always wanted you to keep going” he admitted.

You dragged your fingers lightly up his torso and cupped his cheek, slowly taking your lip between your teeth.

“C’mere” he mumbled before placing his arm behind your back and using the water to his advantage to effortlessly lift you onto his lap and locking his lips with yours the moment you sat down. He tasted of pot and the IPA he had sipped on earlier in the night, but in that moment, you were willing to bet you’d never tasted anything better. The kisses were sloppy and wet due to your mutual inebriation, quiet moans and soft whines exchanged between the two of you as you began to hesitantly grind across the fabric of his tightened trunks. He let out a low groan during a particularly heavy sweep across his lap, and you felt the confidence of your high returning as you began to peck your lips across his jawbone and to his earlobe, taking it between your teeth with the tiniest bit of force.

“Oh, fuck,” Jake groaned as he tilted his head back, exposing his throat to you while you danced your lips across it on their way to his other ear. As you licked, pecked, and lightly nibbled, Jake finally took your face between his hands and held your gaze in breathless wonderment. After a few beats to each catch your breath, he smiled softly at you. “My turn” he stated, before flipping you both over and half kneeling, half floating in the warm water above your lap. Once situated, he met your lips with the lightest touch of his own. As he did this, he dragged his fingertips across the fabric atop your nipple, grinning against your lips ever-so-slightly as he felt its tautness before moving them down your body and danced them across the hem of your bikini bottoms.

You gasped quietly as you felt his fingers dip below the waistband before he pulled away slightly and met your eyes.

“Is this okay?” he asked in a hush whisper.

You nodded.

“Use your words, baby,” he admonished.

“Yes, Jake, please,” you half-moaned.

He smiled before pecking your lips quickly and pulling away again. “Good girl.”

You moaned deeply as he pushed his whole hand into your bottoms, the restricting fabric keeping his palm tight against your pelvis as his fingers explored your folds; before finding your clit and brushing over it a couple of times until you were quietly gasping with each touch.

He stared at you in awe as he pushed a finger into you, his jaw falling slack just as yours did.

“Oh, Jake, fuck,” you groaned breathlessly as he pushed another finger into you.

“Tell me all about it, baby,” he whispered.

“God, Jake,” you cried out softly as he thrusted his fingers into you with increasing speed. “It feels so good.”

“I know, baby, I know. Are you gonna come for me like this? All over my fingers?” he half-whispered as you met his eyes.

You nodded as you gasped, your mouth falling open as you held his gaze. After just a couple more thrusts and grazes across your clit, you felt yourself pulsing around his fingers, the contractions so much more intense, the pleasure so much deeper than you felt when sober.

“Oh, fuck, baby, good girl. Let it all go, you’re doing so good” Jake praised as he worked you through your orgasm.

You kissed him breathlessly as you came down from your high, so intensely that even Jake gasped when you pulled away. A smile spread across his lips after you caught your breath and you couldn’t help but smile back.

“What are you so eager for?” he teased.

“I’ve never fucked high, and if it’s anything like that, I can’t wait” you admitted confidently.

Jake let out a breathy laugh before meeting your eyes with a toothy grin. “It’s nothing like that, to be honest,” he began. He smirked before leaning in close to your ear, the damp strands of his hair brushing your cheek. “It’s so much better” he finished on a whisper, before turning you both back over so you were atop of his lap.

He kissed you with raw intensity as he reached behind you and untied the straps of your top, breaking for just a moment to pull it over your head and lay it across the side of the hot tub. In this moment, as he stared at your bare breasts on full display for him in the moonlight, he realized that he was about to have sex with his best friend. He met your eyes with his own filled with so much more than just lust, feeling so much in that moment that you both felt a blush rising to each of your cheeks, before he took your lips between his and kissed you with more passion than you’d felt with any former lover. He pulled away and met your eyes again.

“Are you sure you want to do this?” he asked again.

You smiled as you felt your cheeks grow warm once again at the care he was showing you. You nodded. “Yes, Jake, I’m sure,” you whispered.

He smiled back at you. “Good,” he whispered back, letting the situation sink in for another moment as he held your gaze, before lifting you above him with one hand, made easier in the water, and pulling his trunks down his knees with the other. He brought you back to his lap, slightly encouraging you to grind over him again with a gentle tug to your waist.

After a few movements over his bare cock, his lips between yours, he hooked his thumbs into the waistband of your bottoms and began slowly inching them down until they met your knees bent atop the bench on either side of Jake’s legs.

You met each other’s blurry gaze again, and he reached out a thumb to caress your cheek as blissed out grins overtook both your faces.

“You ready?” he smiled.

You nodded before leaning forward and bracing yourself with your hands on Jake’s chest, as you sunk down onto his cock under the water. You both groaned as soon as he penetrated you, the sensations overwhelming. He held you there with his arms crossed across your back, neither of you moving as you sloppily kissed each other, tongues dancing with each other and licking into your mouths while his cock sat inside you. The singular penetration combined with the intense making out alone had you already clenching around him. You shifted slightly, raising your hips before bringing them back down slowly to his base. You repeated the motion, and Jake lifted up to meet your hips in perfect harmony, breaking the kisses occasionally to let out the breathiest, whiniest of moans.

“How does it feel, baby?” Jake breathed.

“I wanna stay here forever” you murmured against his chest, eyes closed, forehead resting on his wet shoulder while he held you in his arms, you grinding and he thrusting just enough to give you both the pleasure you sought.  

He laughed blissfully. “I think I’d like that,” he agreed as he held you tighter, taking over the movements as he thrust up into you faster and faster. You were a whining mess as he brushed your damp strands out of your face to watch your expressions, the way your lips would part ever so slightly with particularly deep thrusts, or the way your eyebrows would furrow when you’d groan.

You opened your eyes to find him already staring at you, his movements slowing slightly at the eye contact. “What?” you asked breathlessly.

“You’re just, so fucking beautiful, Y/N” he murmured.

You smiled as you blushed. You started to answer, to thank him, when he began thrusting into you with purpose, even faster and deeper than before, your jaw falling slack as you held his gaze, the words dying on your tongue. All you could say instead was, “Oh, Jesus fuck”, as he maintained a steady pace, one of his hands moving from your back for his fingertips to find their rightful place on your clit, rubbing in smooth circles with just enough pressure.

“Baby, fuck, I’m gonna cum,” you groaned.

“Me too, baby, I’ve got you. Come for me” he maintained a consistent rhythm and pressure to bring you to your climax, though you could see in his face that he was straining to not let go before you. You held his gaze as you felt the waves of pleasure wash over you, over and over as you clenched on his cock.

“Oh my god,” you cried out in bliss as he continued to thrust into you with a different pace, before settling into you with a deep groan, his cock throbbing inside you with his release.

Your head fell onto his shoulder with exhaustion, your arms wrapped around his neck as he held you close to his chest, the skin-to-skin contact grounding you and comforting you as he kissed you all over what was exposed of your cheeks.

After sitting like that for what felt like hours, one of his hands stroking up and down your back, soft kisses between just letting your heads rest on each other, you leaned back to let out a yawn. Jake pushed some of the hair out of your face when you leaned forward again, staring at you with a soft smile.

“Is it time for bed?” he teased.

Your face fell slightly, though you hoped he wouldn’t notice. “I don’t wanna go to bed.”

He caressed your cheek as he asked, “Why’s that, love?”

You shrugged before looking away from him and into the night.

“Hey,” he cupped your cheek and turned you towards him, “What’s wrong?”

You took a shaky breath. “I guess, I’m not ready for this night to be over.”

He half smiled, like he knew something you didn’t. “Why, baby?”

“I guess…because that means we are just gonna…go back to normal after this.”

“No, it doesn’t,” Jake smirked.

You quirked an eyebrow.

“Just because the night is ending, doesn’t mean this-,” he gestured between both of you, “is.”

You waited for him to finish.

He let out a shaky laugh. “I fully intend on you sleeping in my bed tonight, showering with you in the morning, and surprising you with breakfast, though I guess it won’t be a surprise now” he smirked. “And the next time we have sex, we’ll be sober.”

You grinned at him. “Next time?”

“Yeah, dumbass, next time” he replied with the playful banter you had used as best friends your whole childhood, letting you know that nothing had changed between you, except everything, and nothing at the same time.

You were okay with that.

[broken--stardust]

updated 🖤

Broken Stardust Masterlist

here is where you will find all of my fics. any that are 18+ will be indicated as such! specific content warnings will be found in the summary at the beginning of each fic.

Key:

ღ - smut (18+, minors DNI)

✦ - angst

☁︎ - fluff

☾ - potentially triggering

✰ - requested

j.t.k.

i love you, more [x] ✦, ☁︎ - word count: 4.8k - pairing: jtk x f. reader

same old lang syne [x] ღ, ✦ - word count: 8.6k - pairing: jtk x f. reader

angel baby [x] ☁︎ - word count: 1.2k - pairing: jtk x f. reader

let me take care of you [x] ☾, ✦, ☁︎, ✰ - word count: 2.3k - pairing: jtk x g.n. reader

the way i see you [x] ღ, ☾,✰ - word count: 4.1k - pairing: jtk x f. reader

benchwarmer [x] ღ - word count: 2.6k - pairing: jtk x f. reader

right person, wrong time pt. 1 [x] pt. 2 [x] ✦ - word count: in total, 6.4k - pairing: jtk x f. reader

j.m.k.

mine [x] ✦, ☁︎, ✰ - word count: 2.4k - pairing: jmk x f. reader

s.f.k.

none, yet :)

d.r.w.

none, yet :)

headcanons; all

calming you during a panic attack [x] ☁︎, ☾ - pairing: all x g.n. reader

[broken--stardust]

wrong time - j.t.k.

summary: part two of a two-part fic. you can read part one titled "right person", here: [x]

pairing: jake x f.reader

warnings: even more angst, cursing, talk of sex, weddings, tears, soft jake, comforting jake, etc.

word count: 3.7k

The following italics are from Jake’s POV.

 Jake didn’t realize how toxic his relationship with you had become until he held the tattered remains of his favorite dress of yours in his hands. He hadn’t even realized you’d been wearing it that night. Perhaps he could blame it on the shots he had taken at the house to pre-game while you were getting ready, or the joint he smoked on the drive to the bar, but deep down he really knew he was distracted, and had been for far too long. It was like his entire relationship with you flashed before his eyes as he stared blankly at the red fabric. It was unfair of you to accuse him of no longer loving you, he thought. He loved everything about you; from the way you’d scrunch your nose when he’d tease you, or how your nostrils would flare when you grew serious. He loved the way your irises would brighten depending on the colors you wore, and when the sunlight would hit them just right. He loved that in the two years you’d been dating, you’d never once strayed from your lavender body wash and vanilla and chamomile shampoo and he could follow those scents to find you anywhere in the house. He loved that you drank tea instead of coffee in the mornings, while you’d scroll through Twitter and catch him up on celebrity gossip like it was the morning paper. He loved the dip in your hips that you often complained about, because it was the perfect place to squeeze his thumbs and pull you into him. He loved that you’d always find him after a shower, hair still damp, and wrap your arms around his neck and kiss him on the cheek before you’d get ready for the day. Or at least, you used to. When did you stop?

When did he stop ever showing you how much he cared? Better yet, why?

“Yes, and now I’ll never wear it again.”

Those last words of yours rang in his ears over and over as he quickly shuffled down the stairs and out the front door, trying with all the will he could muster to keep from blinking and allowing his tears to fall. Once on the porch, he realized he was still in only his boxers and an undershirt, his clothes still strewn about the bedroom from stripping in his drunken haze.

 Fuck. He wasn’t about to go back inside. And, his car was still at the bar since he had taken an Uber home. It dawned on him that the only other person that was sober enough to come get him, was his little brother. How embarrassing. He knew Sammy had to have been the one who took you home, since he had never joined them again after you had left. Which meant, he likely knew how upset you had been, which would be confirmed by Jake needing a place to stay.

With no other option, he swallowed his pride, and opened up the contact on his phone of his baby brother.

-

That had been one year and three months ago, to be exact. You hadn’t seen him since the night he left, and you had only spoken through a brief text thread when he told you he was coming to pick up his things while you were at work. You had come home that day to a note on your counter, along with his key. Your eyes had begun to blur with emotion as you read the words:

I promise, I will learn to take care of the things I want to last, just as you said.

I will always love you.

He had drawn three lines below the “always”, of course for you to make sure of its emphasis.

And that, had been one year and two months ago.

Tonight, you were stirring pasta on the stove when you heard your phone begin to buzz on the counter. You laid the spoon atop a napkin and flipped your phone over to read the contact before you answered. An old picture of you and Jake illuminated the screen, reminding you that you had yet to update his contact, as the name still read, “jake <3”. You waited a few seconds before answering.

“Hello?”

“Hey ba-, Y/N”.

“Hi, Jake.”

There was a pause on the other line, indicating that he was thinking on his feet for this conversation, or was so worked up that whatever he had planned to say, he had long forgotten upon you answering. “Um, how are you?”

“I’m okay, I’m just making pasta. What about you?”

“I’m good, I’m just, well, I’m just driving around.”

“Okay…doing what?”

“Well…I ended up in the area…and I was curious if you were busy tonight? If so, no worries at all, I was just curious if we could um, talk, and –,” he had a tendency to ramble when he was nervous.

“Jake,” you interrupted.

He huffed a laugh, “Yeah?”

“No, I’m not busy. Would you like to come over for dinner?”

He paused for a few moments, almost as if he was taken aback by your offer. “Sure, actually. I would like that. Do you…need me to bring anything?”

It was different, having such a formal conversation with him, the tension between you two the distance had caused very apparent. “No, just yourself.”

And that was how you now found yourself sitting across from him at the dining room table you had once picked out together, plates of spaghetti in front of each of you.

“So…what brought you to the area, Jake?” you asked.

He swallowed the bite he had just taken and took a sip of his water, avoiding your eyes. “Well, I don’t know. I guess maybe I was just kind of hoping you might be free tonight. And, you were. So, lucky me I guess.” He smiled as he finally met your eyes.

You couldn’t help but smile back. The conversation flowed almost naturally after that, a little rough around the edges, some awkwardness here and there, but all in all, it was nice. It wasn’t anything monumental, just simple catching up and a few jokes. It reminded you of what your relationship with Jake had been like in the beginning. Before you could reminisce too long, though, Jake asked a question you hadn’t even thought to prepare yourself for.

“So, were you expecting company or something?”

You quirked an eyebrow. “Why do you ask?”

“Well, I don’t know. You just made more food than you would make for just you. Unless you wanted leftovers or something. Forget I asked.” His voice gradually trailed off as he thought aloud.

You took a deep breath, thoughts racing in your head. As you did this, he began to scan your home, something he hadn’t done when he first walked in. But now, he was a bit more at ease, allowing himself to observe what had changed in the past year in the home you once shared with him. His eyes settled on a particular corner of the living room, where a midsize piece of stock artwork hung.

“You took our painting down.” He noticed aloud.

You nodded as he met your eyes. You felt a bit of shame wash over you for some reason.

“S’okay” he said as he smiled solemnly. The painting in question was something you both had created during a drunken stay-at-home date night. You had turned on some old 80’s coming-of-age movie, your favorite genre, and fingerpainted a large sheet of paper on the floor. There was more making out and rubbing paint on each other than on the paper, but either way it was a treasured memory for awhile as it hung next to the fireplace.

His eyes darted around the room again before they landed on a strip of photos under a magnet on your fridge. Something you would take in a photobooth. He took in the pictures of you laughing with another man, one of him kissing your cheek, and one of you both making goofy faces into the camera. Your face grew warm as you felt his gaze fall on you, as you stared at your pasta.

“Y/N?” You waited a few beats before you looked up and met his warm gaze. He opted to just stare into your eyes for a few seconds before asking, “Are you seeing someone?”

You could only nod in return. You expected him to maybe yell, slam his fist on the table, or maybe get up and leave. What you didn’t expect was for him to simply ask:

“Is that why you made extra? Is he supposed to be coming?”

You cocked your head slightly. “No, actually, he’s on a business trip right now. Um, force of habit, I guess.”

He nodded and took another sip of his water before looking back at you with a small grin. “Well, worked out well for me I suppose” And then he took another bite.

You had to clench your jaw with force to keep it from falling open in shock. You stared at him as he continued to eat. He finally looked back up at you as he noticed you were no longer touching your food.

“What’s up?” he asked.

“I- I don’t know.” You took a breath as you collected your thoughts. “Why did you want to see me tonight?”

He let out a small sigh as he looked away from you, before meeting your gaze again with soft smile. “It doesn’t matter now.”

You felt your heartrate begin to increase, slightly. “Yes, it does.”

He shook his head. “No, Y/N, it doesn’t. Let’s just enjoy this spaghetti you made, huh?”

“I can’t do that.”

“Why not?”

“Because, Jake, I haven’t seen you in over a year. We both know it didn’t end well, and, I know I’m with someone else right now, but, I don’t know. There was obviously something on your mind; a reason you hoped I was free tonight. And now here you are, and you won’t just say what’s on your mind.”

He set down his fork and took a deep breath. “Well. I wanted to see you because…honestly, I truly miss you and have missed you this whole time. I’ve done a lot of self-reflecting, and a lot of thinking about our relationship. I realize now a lot…A LOT of mistakes I made…and ultimately, I just wanted to apologize. But, I know that no amount of words can fix anything I did, or said-,”

Your mind was swirling at this point in his monologue. You just wanted him to say it. That he wanted to prove himself to you with actions, that he was ready to be the man you deserve, that he wouldn’t let any other guy stand in his way, that you were his and only his and always would be, because that’s what the Jake you used to know would’ve said-

“…and that’s why I’m glad to see you happy. You deserve this” he finished.

You realized you had entirely missed processing what he was saying as he didn’t say any of the words you expected. “Wha- what?” you stuttered out.

“I’m really proud of you for standing up for yourself, to me, and giving me the opportunity to better myself. And now, you’re with someone else and I’m happy for you.” He surmised.

What you wanted to say, was no Jake, I’m not happy. He doesn’t understand me like you do. He hates the smell of my body wash and plays his 90’s punk music way too loud. He thinks vinyls are tacky and never lets me have AUX in his car. He’s selfish and lazy and not to mention the sex sucks, I want to be with you, it was always you and will always be you for me, but what you said instead was, “Thank you.” Blame it on your stubbornness.

He smiled at you warmly. “Of course.”

At this point, you had both finished your dinner and it seemed the night had come to its natural end. As you walked him out your front door, he stopped on the porch and turned to face you. “I will always love you, Y/N. And I will always be here for you, for whatever you need, even just as your friend.”

You felt your eyes begin to burn with the sting of hot tears as you pulled him into a hug to keep him from seeing. “I’ll always love you too” you muttered into his chest as he rubbed your back. As you began to pull away, he kissed the top of your hair.

You stood on the porch and watched him pull out of your driveway and onto the street, and you didn’t stop watching until you could no longer see his car. As soon as you closed the door back inside, you fell to the ground against the door and cried until you couldn’t anymore.

-

A year and a half later.

Of course, you were invited to Sammy’s wedding. You had never stopped being friends since yours and Jake’s breakup. It was a small wedding party, Danny the best man, and the bride’s sister the maid of honor, no other groomsmen or bridesmaids. He was marrying a gorgeous, curly-haired blonde he had met through his music career. They were both pianists, and she a singer as well, so obviously they performed an adorably cringey couple’s duet they made everyone sit through at the reception before the dancing began. You knew Jake would be here, it was his little brother’s wedding after all, but the ceremony had garnered such a large crowd you hadn’t caught sight of him yet.

You had broken up with the other guy not long after you and Jake had rekindled, though you hadn’t spoken or seen each other since. Knowing Jake always loved you in red, you couldn’t help but purchase a dress with a very similar to silhouette to the one you had owned before, though this one fell to your knees. Maybe it was wishful thinking, but you couldn’t help but fantasize that maybe the stars had finally aligned for you this night.

And that’s why, you were still sitting at your table, champagne in hand, scanning the ballroom for a man you knew would be wearing either a black or blue suit, with long, finger brushed, wavy brown hair.

Your breath hitched in your throat as you finally caught sight of him. Gorgeous as ever, he was in a deep, navy suit, a well-trimmed mustache adorning his upper lip, his eyes sparkling with joy and a pleasantly buzzed grin on his face.

You began to stand and make your way to him, until you noticed he was leading a woman in a flowy, baby pink dress onto the dancefloor by her hand. You never broke your gaze as you watched him spin her around, her hair flying in long curls behind her, their drunken giggling carrying all the way over to where you sat.

You continued to sip on your champagne as you watched them for what felt like half an hour, before you saw her stumble a bit, almost falling if not for the strong arms holding her up, when you realized she broke her heel. Her face reddened in embarrassment as you watched him brush the hair out of her face and kiss her temple before carrying her over to their table and setting her in a chair. He knelt to the ground in front of her, beginning to remove her heels. You watched as she tried to stop him, but he waved her off and gave her a quick kiss to her palm before finishing the task he had started. He smiled to her and said what looked like “be right back”, before standing back up and heading towards the bar. You knew what you were about to do was stupid, but hell, you had finished the last of your champagne. You needed a refill, right?

You bumped into him at the last second as he turned around with two drinks in his hand. Recognition flashed over his features before he broke into a grin.

“Well, fancy seeing you here” he said with a wink.

You huffed a laugh. “Yeah, crazy huh.”

“Some duet earlier, right?” he said with a quirk of his eyebrows.

You giggled at that. “It was…something else.”

“That’s for sure” he giggled along with you. “Hey, I’m gonna give Erica her drink,” he began as if you knew her. “I’ll be right back, where are you sitting?”

You pointed to your table. “Table 6.”

“Okay, I’ll meet you over there. Let’s catch up!”

“Sounds good” you said with the most realistic fake smile you could muster.

A few minutes later he half stumbled, half fell into the seat next to you before smiling over at you with a drunken grin. “Hi again.”

“Hi, Jake” you took a sip of your drink. “She’s really pretty” you stated while staring at the ice cubes in your glass as if they were the most interesting thing in the world.

He let out a little laugh at that. “Thank you, she is.” You met his eyes and he smiled at you. “You look nice tonight. I like that dress.”

“Thank you.” I thought you might. “How long have you two been together?”

“Well, most recently about 6 months. But, we also dated all of high school.”

That stung. High school sweethearts. Of course.

“Oh, wow! That’s great. I’m happy for you.” You weren’t lying, at least not entirely. Maybe a little bit. Okay, yeah, you were lying.

“Yeah, thanks! What about you and… sorry, I don’t think I ever got his name.”

“We broke up about a year and a half ago.”

“Oh, I’m-,” he began before realization washed over his features. He cleared his throat and took a quick sip of his drink before finishing, “I’m sorry.”

You smiled. “It’s okay. It needed to happen. I’m really…” you took a moment to figure out what you wanted to say. You settled on, “I really am happy for you though.”

He gave you a sad smile full of knowing. After a few minutes, he spoke. “I never really said thank you.”

“For what?”

“For kicking me out that night. I wouldn’t be here like this if it wasn’t for you. I needed a wake-up call so badly. Thank you for that.”

You huffed a laugh. “I never thought someone would be thanking me for kicking them out.”

“Well, we’ve never really been conventional have we.”

“No, we really haven’t” you agreed as you watched the other couples spin in sync around the dancefloor. After a few beats of silence, you took a deep breath. “You really did change a lot, huh?”

“Yeah, yeah I did.”

“I’ve missed you, Jake” you met his eyes as you finished.

He sighed. “You shouldn’t do this to yourself, Y/N.” What he really meant was, he couldn’t say he missed you too. He had, but, he shouldn’t say it.

“I know, I know.”

He grabbed one of your hands before he spoke. “Listen. I never got to tell you, that I am so unbelievably grateful for the time we had together. I know I spent a lot of that time being a fucking idiot who didn’t realize what he had in front of him, but all of our good times…well, they were really fucking good.” You nodded along as he continued to speak, tears brimming in your eyes. “And I shouldn’t say this, because I don’t want you to hold onto something that could give you false hope” he seemed to reconsider what he was going to say as he paused.

“No, say it. Please” you pleaded. You didn’t care if it was false hope, you just needed a bandaid to cover the gaping wound in your heart.

As he watched one tear fall from the corner of your eye and slowly make its way down your cheek and to your chin, he brushed it away with his thumb and began again, “Sometimes, you meet the right person, at the wrong time. But…if you’re really meant for each other, you’ll find your way back to each other again someday.”

You choked back a sob at his words. “You were right, you shouldn’t have said it” you said as you grinned through your tears.

He let out a quiet chuckle. “Yeah, I know. I told you. A little cheesy too, huh?”

You giggled. “Yeah, a little.”

He handed you a napkin to blow your nose after he wiped a few more of your tears away. “You’re going to be okay, Y/N. Truly.” It was clear now that he had picked up on your original intentions of this evening.

“I know. I will.”

He offered you his hand to help you up. Just as you were back upright on your heels, the first couple notes of a slow song sang out across the dance floor. His face lit up for just a second. “Do you wanna dance?”

For a moment, you really did consider it.

“Honestly…no. I shouldn’t,” you answered. He nodded in response, his face devoid of a reaction to your rejection. “Plus, you probably should get back to Erica.”

“No, you’re right. That was dumb of me to ask.” He heaved an embarrassed laugh.

You smiled up at him. “It was good to see you again, Jake.”

He smiled back. “It was really good to see you too.”

You stared awkwardly at each other for just a second, before he opened his arms and enveloped you in a tight embrace that you reciprocated immediately, almost as if you both knew the moment you let go, you might never hug each other again.

That’s always a possibility when you meet the right person at the wrong time.

-fin.

[broken--stardust]

right person - j.t.k.

a/n: took a little break from the reqs i'm working on and wrote this tonight; when inspiration strikes i like to jump on it as quickly as i can.

summary: part one of a two part fic. you can read part two here: [x]

pairing: jake x f. reader

warnings: angst angst angst, fighting (verbal), cussing, smoking, drinking, jealousy, mentions of sex, soft comforting friend!sam, tears, jake tears, etc.

word count: 2.6k

You stirred your drink in silence, the ice cubes clinking melodically against the glass as you brought the straw up to your red painted lips, taking a long, slow sip as you took in the view before you. A pretty young blonde standing at the bar, her hand coming to rest on the shoulder of the man next to her as she giggled at whatever story he was telling her. The man took his hand up through his hair, brushing through the long locks absentmindedly as he smiled up at her before taking a drink of his tequila soda. You could hear the voices of the two brothers standing on either side of you at the high-top table, but you couldn’t focus on what either of them were saying. A few wisps of curly hair brushed across your cheek as one of them leaned back in laughter at something someone else at the table said, as the long, lean fingers of the other brushed across your wrist in an attempt to get your attention.

“Hey, do you wanna grab a smoke?” Ever the observant one, he knew what was bothering you and wanted to remove you from the setting with a distraction.

“Not really, Sammy” you muttered quietly.

He leaned in closer to your ear to be heard above the bar noise at a tone that only you could still hear, his dark, wavy strands caressing your cheek gently as he spoke. “You know he always does this. He just wants to get you riled up.”

You looked down at your bright red dress, a short, flouncy thing that perfectly accentuated your breasts with just a hint of cleavage, enough to make anyone wonder what it would look like if the neckline dipped just a little lower. It was always Jake’s favorite, he called you a tease the first time you ever wore it. It hadn’t seen the light of day in several months, but you put it on tonight for him. Like everything you did, always for him. Perhaps you naively hoped it would draw his attention back to you.

You picked at a fraying seam from its multiple wears to avoid watching the scene unfold across the bar, and the eyes of the man who had moved to be directly in front of you now, probably to keep you from watching anyway. He reached into your lap and grabbed your hand and squeezed. You glanced up then, meeting his warm, deep brown eyes, so similar to your lover’s but only a shade darker.

“Don’t let it get to you too much. Save it for the bedroom, ya know?” he teased with a wiggle of his eyebrows.

Your felt your cheeks grow warm at that. How humiliating that even his little brother knows of this childish game Jake would play with you.

Embarrass you. Make you jealous. Fuck the anger away. Repeat.

Sammy realized his joke didn’t land as your face fell again and you yanked your hand away.

“Hey” he waited for you to meet his gaze again. When you obliged, he finished with “I’m sorry”.

“It’s fine.”

“No, it’s not. Not the right time.”

You sighed deeply. “I’m ready for that smoke now.”

He grinned as he grabbed your hand and led you outside.

Once you had both taken a few long drags, leaning against the brick wall of the bar, he spoke again. “To be honest, I thought you liked it.”

“Liked what?”

“This…thing you both do. Or at least, you used to.”

“Maybe I did before I realized it became the only way I could get his attention. And even then, it’s at the end of the night when we’re both sufficiently wasted and can’t even remember it the next day.”

“Have you talked to him about it?”

You grinned at that, though there was no pleasure behind it. “We only talk if we’re fighting or dirty talking.”

Sam visibly cringed at that.

You took one last long drag and blew the smoke out into the night before dropping the butt onto the cement and smashing it with your heel. “Thanks for the cigarette, Sammy.” He nodded at you before pulling out another from his pack as you went back inside.

You strode with purpose up to the bar, where Jake’s back was facing away from you as it shook with laughter while he chatted up a busty redhead. You tapped on his shoulder, as the girl met your eyes. Jake didn’t even turn to face you.

“What,” he drawled, the laughter completely gone from his voice.

“Can we leave?” you asked, cringing at how small your voice sounded.

“What do you mean?” he questioned, his tone portraying his annoyance at your interruption.

“Um,” the redhead began, “I think I’m gonna head out.”

“No, Julie, you stay, just give me a second,” he slurred, the alcohol clearly affecting him at this point.

“It’s Jennifer” she stated quietly as Jake spun around on the barstool.

“What is your problem?” he asked, his voice dropping a couple levels.

“My problem, is only that I would like to leave” you answered, your confidence returning in your tone.

“Why?”

“Do I have to give you a reason? I just wanna go home. Isn’t that enough?”

“Fine, go. Goodnight” he answered as he started to spin back around. You grabbed his shoulder to keep him from spinning all the way.

He met your eyes finally, the fire in them looking as though it could burn his retinas as he stared into yours.

“If you don’t come with me, don’t bother coming home tonight at all” you whispered.

He huffed a bitter laugh at that. “Whatever. Bye” he said as he spun back around.

You could feel hot, angry tears begin to fill your eyes as you stared at his back. When you realized he really was done with this conversation, you turned on your heel and stormed towards the door of the bar that had just swung open as Sammy began to re-enter. He opened his mouth in surprise as you both almost collided and started to speak.

“Take me home, Sammy, please” you interrupted before he could get a word out. He nodded and opened the door back up for you.

The drive to yours and Jake’s house was silent as you stared out the window, the tears beginning to fall on their own accord, slowly, one with every other blink.

When he pulled into your driveway and placed the car in park, Sammy waited a few moments before turning to face you.

“I’m sorry I made you take me home, I wasn’t thinking. You probably weren’t ready to leave yet” you apologized as you stared out the windshield at your garage door.

“Hey, don’t worry, it’s okay. I was getting ready to go home anyway. Your house is on the way.”

You knew Sam wouldn’t ask what happened, he’d wait and let you speak on it if you wanted to. You sat in silence for a few more moments before he reached over and stroked a couple of your tears away with his thumb.

You finally turned to face him and met his eyes.

“Hey,” he began, “if you need anything at all, I am only a text or call away, okay? Even if you just want someone to listen.”

“Thank you, Sammy. I appreciate it.”

“Of course. I love you like a sister.”

You leaned over and placed your head on his shoulder as he gave you a quick peck to your forehead.

You smiled at him as you got your bag and placed your hand on the door handle.

“Stand your ground with him, okay? I know he’s stubborn, trust me. But whatever you feel like you need to do, do it. Don’t back down.”

You nodded. “Goodnight, Sammy.”

You made your way into your shared home, dropping your keys into the bowl you kept in the entryway, and slid off your heels as you climbed the stairs. You stripped yourself out of the once infamous red dress and stared at it in your hands for several moments before pulling at the loose seam you had noticed earlier in the night. You pulled and pulled and watched as a faint numbness took over your emotions as the dress began to fall apart between your fingers. You let out a short, bitter laugh as you briefly recognized its state was symbolic of your current relationship.

You turned and looked at yourself in the mirror and took a deep breath as you ran your fingers across the white, lacy set you were wearing. You had only just bought it; Jake hadn’t even had the chance to see it yet. He had always loved you in white lingerie. Something about the purity of the color combined with the absolute impurity of what you would do to each other would always drive him wild. You carefully removed each piece of the set and laid it gently in the pack of the drawer it came from.

You usually slept in a pair of Jake’s boxers and one of his t-shirts, but that felt odd for tonight. You settled for a pair of leggings and a sweatshirt from high school and climbed into bed. As you smelled the faint scent of his shampoo mixed with his cologne on the fabric of his pillowcase, the tears began to fall once again. The scent of him used to bring you such comfort, but in this moment, it only reminded you of what used to be.

You were never a perfect couple. You weren’t high school sweethearts or childhood best friends In fact, you’d met as a Tinder match; something you both only meant to be a one night stand. That night you decided to meet in person, though, you could have sworn it was love at first sight. You met at a bar before the inevitable hook-up, and the way he carried a conversation with such charm and charisma had you captivated. That night, it was more than just sex. Maybe you had only just met, but the only way to describe that night was that you made love. You had been addicted to each other ever since. As the months went on, eventually he stopped buying you flowers, but he could make you feel like an absolute goddess to make up for it. Maybe he’d forgotten your anniversary, but the way he would worship you late into the night would make you forget he had ever forgotten. Until it seemed he got bored.

One night, he came to you and said, “let’s try something new”. And ever since, it had become your weekly routine.

Embarrass you. Make you jealous. Fuck the anger away. Repeat.

Last week, you briefly brought up the little game. You asked him why you both kept this up. He said, “I love how you fuck when you’re feisty”.

And that was the most recent time he had used “I”, “love”, and “you” in the same sentence.

You jolted awake as you heard the sound of footsteps on the stairs and took a quick glance at the clock on your nightstand. 1:13 a.m. You must’ve fallen asleep for the last couple hours. Your heart began to race as you heard the footsteps get closer to your bedroom door, the adrenaline pumping as your fingers began to shake, knowing that the conversation that was about to take place wasn’t likely going to go very well.

The door swung open as Jake stumbled into your bedroom. He stripped out of his clothes as he kicked and threw them haphazardly around the room in his drunken stupor. He started to climb into his side of the bed, the smell of liquor hitting your nose and overtaking your senses.

“What are you doing here?” you asked quietly.

“Huh?” he asked, his hand still holding the corner of the comforter.

“What. Are. You. Doing. Here.”

“This is our house.”

“I know that. But I told you if you weren’t going to come with me, don’t come home.”

He smiled sheepishly. “Come on baby, you weren’t serious about that.”

You stared him down, your face void of emotion. “Yes, I absolutely was.”

The grin was replaced quickly by a look of pure annoyance. “You’re being ridiculous. Not my fault you felt like being a buzzkill tonight. What the fuck was your problem, anyway?”

“I’m fucking tired of this, Jake. I’m tired of you only wanting to fuck when you’re angry and treating me like shit all the time while still expecting me to give in to you. It fucking sucks. I’m tired of fighting, I’m tired of never having a normal conversation with you, I’m tired of never hearing ‘I love you’ anymore, I’m-“

“Whoa whoa whoa,” he interrupted. “This is about much more than just tonight.”

“Yeah, no fucking shit.”

He widened his eyes, and opened his mouth a few times to speak, seemingly trying to figure out what to say before settling on: “I always tell you I love you.”

“Jake, the last time you told me ‘I love you’ was over two weeks ago. The last time I heard those words was just you telling me you love fucking me when I’m angry-“

“That’s not true! I always tell you I love you before we go to bed or even before I hang up the phone-“

“Jake, you haven’t said it on the phone in probably three months. And I’m usually already asleep by the time you get home.”

He sighed. It was silent for a few moments before he muttered, “I didn’t realize.”

“When did you stop loving me?”

“Wha-, what?” he stuttered.

The tears began to fall once again as he looked at you, flabbergasted. “When did you stop loving me?” you choked out.

“I-, I haven’t! Y/N where the fuck is this coming from?” Then, his face went from confusion to pure anger. “You’re being fucking crazy. All this over you feeling like a jealous little bitch tonight?

He did this when he felt threatened. When he felt like he was losing control of a situation, he would turn it around on the other person to avoid taking accountability. But, you were tired of enabling him.

“Fuck you, Jake. Get out of this house.”

“You’re kidding” he sneered.

“No, I’m not fucking kidding, Jake!” you screamed through your tears. “Get the fuck out. When you learn how to take care of things you want to last, come find me again.”

“What about all my stuff?”

“Come get it another time, but not tonight. Right now, I just want to sleep and dream about how good you and I used to have it before I wake up and remember you’re gone and you’re not the same person I fell in love with.” You finished with a choked sob.

You could’ve sworn you saw a pang of hurt wash across his features before his face was suddenly void of any emotion. He moved to leave the room before stopping for just a second and picking something up off the floor. You couldn’t tell what it was until he turned around, and you saw him clutching the pile of torn fabric from your red dress.

“Is this-“ he began.

“Yes.”

“You wore it tonight?”

“Yes, and now I’ll never wear it again.”

He nodded as he stared at the shreds in his hands. He met your eyes for just a second, and you could see the slight glimmer of tears rimming his eyelids before he turned on his heel and slammed the bedroom door on his way out, leaving you to sob until you fell into a fitful, dreamless sleep.

part two: [x]