brokenauburn

[brokenauburn]

Need to get wasted and then get raped.

[brokenauburn]

I think being hit in the face and being beaten and raped and then being comforted and laying in bed together and being told loving and sweet lies about how it’s okay and it won’t happen again and how sorry they are. All just to calm me down knowing it will happen again. Would fix me ngl..

[brokenauburn]

I want to be loved in the most vile and disgusting way possible.. I want to be abused so bad.. I want to be loved like that. Beaten and raped. I want to condition to be scared of leaving you. I want you to make sure I don’t have any friends and that you keep me away. I want to be on your leash. I want to be your house trained bunny that will end up needing and depending you. Loving you for all the ill acts and things you do to keep me to yourself. I want it to get so bad that the thought of being without you makes me want to kill myself. That the idea of you just talking to someone or having to interact with a person for buying something at the store makes me want to kill myself. The thought of being away from you for to long should give me anxiety.. that’s the type of love I want ❣️

[brokenauburn]

Just thinking about him raping me.. or raping my corpse. That’s all. That’s the post.

[brokenauburn]

Yup, thinking and feeling like I’m going to explode. I’m so angry for someone saying that about our PS I want to cut myself in front of them and scream and cry. But I will decide to bottle up everything instead, I want to cut myself and then drink aggressively! So fun BPD is so fun! I’m being fucking sarcastic if you can’t tell. :)

Feeling my heart race so fucking fast I’m so fucking enraged.

[brokenauburn]

I want to be loved and abused.. like I want the abuse to be so fucking awful.. but then so gentle and loving so perfect and sweet that I’d be so confused and just think it’s all in my head. And that its not really that bad and that the sweet loving moments are more important.

[brokenauburn]

Thinking about going out on a normal date or something. And then when I get home and we go inside and lock the door behind us. And he’d toss his keys on the counter before turning to me and striking me in the face and shoving me against the wall and starts to choke me. As he starts to touch me and whispers in my ear.

‘This is for all those filthy deprived looks you were getting while we were out’

And I wouldn’t have any idea what he was talking about, I mean people look at anyone around them. I wouldn’t know or be able to tell if people were looking at me in that way. How would anyone be able to tell that. I’d beg him to stop and try to reassure him that people don’t look at me like that. But he can’t be convinced otherwise and he’s going to take it all out on me.

I’ll be beaten and raped all to prove his point and make him feel better. Make him feel good. All for him to mark and hurt me so everyone knows.

But I love it and won’t ever try to leave.

[brokenauburn]

I’m severely drowsy writing this.. so bear with me. But I just keep reading and thinking about my texts with him. And I get so fucking happy and super turned on.. and the super hot stuff he said to me was crazy and gets me so excited I feel like exploding..

[brokenauburn]

Having BPD and wanting to gouge my eyes out guys. I’m having so much fun here. I hate knowing people simply interact with you and follow you.

[brokenauburn]

I want to so badly be emotionally abused. I want my mental state to be fucked with so badly.. I want you to abuse my already broken ruined mental state. I want you to manipulate me, ruin my life. Control me. Make me your perfect fucking rape/snuffbait victim. Ruin me and treat me like trash.. I want you to hurt me so bad. Make me cry and scream. Hurt my feelings on purpose and do things to trigger me on purpose and then comfort me, so you show me how much power you really have over me. I want you to laugh at me when I’m upset and crying. And then sometimes you use that faux sympathy on me to keep me in line. I need you to break my mind.. ❣️

[brokenauburn]

My two moods:

I want to chase down someone and stabbed their thighs, and cut the shit out of them before I slit their throat and then rape their corpse.

Or

I want to be a pretty corpse and get raped lovingly. By my rapist.

Even when I’m dead I’m still rapebait for him right?

[brokenauburn]

Abuse me.

Abuse me emotionally.

Abuse me physically.

Abuse me sexually.

I want you to fuck with my mind. And destroy me. I’ll be your pet. I won’t even be a person anymore. ❣️

[brokenauburn]

I want him to cut me so deep. I want him to design something personal and special for just the two of us. A symbol to mark me as his, and then take a knife or box cutter and carve that into my skin. That way I can’t ever get away from him. Even if I tired I’d have that permanent mark, making it easy for me to be found. Not like I’d ever even want to get away. I want him to abuse me.

[brokenauburn]

Thinking about being asleep.. and him waking up an hour or two before me in the morning. And after he’d wake up he’d just look at my sleeping face. Maybe he’d take pictures of me sleeping..? Maybe he’d touch me and take pictures of my body.. and how weak and tired I’d be not wanting to wake up from the slight shift in the bed. Since it’d be too early for me to wake up. But knowing him that wouldn’t be enough, he’d pull my underwear down and start touching me. He’d either rape me or touch me while he’s jerking off. And if I woke up he’d hold me in place and make sure I can’t move. He’d tell me how he can’t control himself around me, how I deserved it. All because of the way I looked while sleeping.

I’m still waking up while writing this post 😭

[brokenauburn]

Touching him is not enough.

I want to eat him.

[brokenauburn]

I hate how clingy and needy I am.. just constantly need to be touching and holding and cuddling. And constantly needing attention, doesn’t matter if it’s good or if it’s in the sense of conabuse. I just feel those needs and they never stop.. I’m so pathetic and weak.

[brokenauburn]

I want to straddle him and cut myself over him and watch the blood drip down onto his chest. And then smear my blood into his skin. He’d never be able to get rid of me then. Then after I’m all cleaned up I’d have some nice big scars for him to always see as a reminder of my love and devotion. And it would show him how he can’t leave me or how worst it will get for him. :)