brouill3r

[brouill3r]

"i don't comment on ao3 because i don't wanna be annoying or weird" skill issue + you greatly underestimate the power dynamic here, writing multi paragraph comments is like feeding a bunch of deeply insane and possibly starved ducks at the park and watch them go completely mad over having received a piece of bread

[brouill3r]

my dream as a fanfic writer is for one day, one of my fics to be someones comfort fic. like the fic that they reread when they don't feel good and want to be happy. i want my words to comfort someone one day

[brouill3r]

I know some fic writers get stressed about writing tropes they think are too popular or overdone, and I need you all to know that I just spent 4 hours reading every iteration of the same exact fic plot I could find, and they all brought me an indescribable amount of joy. Listen. Listen. Sometimes you want cakes of many flavours and sometimes you want Nine Carrot Cakes

[brouill3r]

TK STRAND in 9-1-1: LONE STAR | 1.03 “Texas Proud”

[brouill3r]

"No One Will Be Free Until Everybody Is Free" Banner with the words "Gays, Jews, Palestinians" at the top -San Diego Gay Pride Day (1978) Lambda Archives of San Diego

[brouill3r]

Happy pride month specifically to folks on the asexual and aromantic spectrum who oftentimes feel isolated and left out of the conversation. You belong here as much as the rest of us and I hope that you are all loved in a way that is comforting to you.

[brouill3r]

Carlos Reyes + that shirt

[brouill3r]

Wanting to write but not knowing what to write or even for what fandom. Fellow Travelers? 911 Lone Star? Or should I try my hand at The Pitt?

Send me prompts please!!

[brouill3r]

[brouill3r]

kinda the photo of all time. to me

[brouill3r]

RAFAEL SILVA at the World Premiere of Netflix's THE WATERFRONT | May 29, 2025 | Source

[brouill3r]

RAFAEL SILVA, MELISSA BENOIST, DANIELLE CAMPBELL, JAKE WEARY, and HOLT MCCALLANY attend Netflix's The Waterfront Screening & Dinner | May 29, 2025

[brouill3r]

RAFAEL SILVA | May 2025 | Source

[brouill3r]

DAMSON IDRIS as JOSHUA PEARCE F1: THE MOVIE (2025) dir. Joseph Kosinski

[brouill3r]

tk strand in every episode 2.10: a little help from my friends

[brouill3r]

QUEER (2024), dir. Luca Guadagnino

[brouill3r]

Oh I would love to hear what in retrospect you think makes Judd’s alcoholism make sense! (From your tags)

I’m thinking of things like … how much of a wife guy Judd has always been, being so obsessed with Grace and so devoted to taking care of her that maybe he never really learned how to take care of himself. If he spent his whole adult life putting his own needs as secondary because his love language is acts of service, how does he know how to put himself first when he actually needs to? (Societal expectations of masculinity wrapped up in here too). Things like instances in past episodes where Judd comes to Grace’s work to bring her tea or a treat, when I can’t remember her ever showing up at the firehouse with something like that for him. Which is perfectly fine this is not a criticism of Grace, but rather evidence that Judd is a caretaker of the people he loves, but not a very good caretaker of himself.

Things like that his love of Grace has always been so central to his character but often it has presented in disparagement of himself – it’s not just “I love Grace”, it’s “she’s too good for me.” It’s not just “we have a wonderful marriage”, it’s “I’m nothing without her.” Even the way that they met, with Judd’s belief that Grace saved him by shining her light on him that he wasn’t worthy of. All that of course can be read as just him thinking his lady is the most wonderful woman in the whole world, but in hindsight it can also be read as genuine insecurity and a really heartbreaking belief that he himself isn’t worth very much. As soon as she’s gone, that just ends up magnified because all he has left are the voices in his own head telling him that he isn’t enough.

Things like the fact that he (like Owen) bases a lot of his self-worth on his ability to be a hero in tangible ways like pulling people out of burning buildings (also like Owen, as a sort of cosmic penance for mistakes he made as a child). He definitely still has PTSD from what happened to his original 126 crew (something that traumatic never really goes away, you just hopefully grow around it), you can see it in the way he latched so tightly onto his new 126 family as a response to that and is so protective of all of them. Then he lost them when he quit, and had a) no social support system left which is such a key thing for addicts, loneliness is such a massive trigger, and b) had no reason in his day-to-day life to feel good about himself because he wasn’t getting to be a hero anymore.

Idk, obviously this storyline wasn’t being planned way back in season 2 or 3 so I’m not gonna say this was all brilliant foreshadowing because I don’t think it was. But the main reason people fall into addiction is because they have deep emotional needs that are not being met, and I think if you look backwards you can see Judd having both deep insecurities and emotional needs that were being met for the most part by Grace and his work family, it makes a lot of sense why his world crumbled when those things were taken away.