bruciebatsyy

[bruciebatsyy]

i am a full fucking supporter of the ‘batman should kill the joker’ agenda. i will say that with my full chest. i love the idea of that clown fucking dying. however i DO have to point out how insanely hysterical and unreasonable it is for people, including his kids, to get mad at him for refusing to kill that guy.

like think about that for a sec. he said no to murder and they’re mad at him for it. batman is quite literally just a guy. a volunteer. the emo version of the neighbourhood watch. he has no legal power, he’s just good enough at not getting arrested and is lucky enough to live in a city like gotham where everyone else is just as insane as he is and are fully willing to let him do his thing.

like, imagine if you decided to start volunteering at a soup kitchen, when a guy starts showing up and routinely fucking with everybody by throwing the soup around and burning other guests. and you keep kicking him out and calling the police on him because what the fuck man, you’re trying to serve people soup here! but he keeps getting away from the cops and coming back, and then one day one of the other volunteers comes up to you holding a gun and goes ‘take him out, bruce.’ and you’re like. what. no. what the fuck do you mean i’m just serving soup i cant kill a guy. and then everybody gets mad at you for not shooting him in the face.

like do you understand how insane that is. it’s so fucking funny. let bruce live.

[bruciebatsyy]

The loveliness of Bruce’s utility belt. 

Its Mary Poppins carpet bag. It’s Castle Glower’s extra rooms. It is the void. 

Everything and anything you need can and will be found in there if you look long and hard enough.

There’s a lighter he keeps in the left pocket in case Gordon’s pipe goes out, or in case a goon on patrol is cold and needs a light and Bruce isn’t in the bone stealing mood. Also in case he needs to make a fire, or smth, ig

Matches in the opposite pocket, in case the lighter runs out of fluid, or because he was never really a follower of that whole “kids shouldn't play with matches” thing and it kept Dick entertained on boring patrols while teaching him how to safely handle fire okay?

Sparkly pink and purple hair ties can be found in almost every pocket and crease and wherever because before there was Steph there was Cass and before there was Cass there was Babs and sure she favored darker hair ties but she also liked making him pull out the most horrendously gaudy hair tie color whenever she needed one in front of the JL “friends” he tried so hard to maintain a gritty persona around

Loose bullets because he’s a fuckin freak??? Idk

Silver coins, gold coins, candy coins, chocolate coins, any form of currency in coins are in his pockets. Don’t ask where they came from, he doesn’t even know

Steph once found a hair dryer when she reached too deep in her search of lollipops. She did not ask.

Lollipops. (self explanatory dude literally has an orphanage under his cape)

An empty pizza box made of concrete. Was ridiculed for it until they actually needed to pretend to be pizza delivery boys on one undercover mission that turned dangerous(the box was then used as a weapon) and he is still so smug about it

A french dictionary translating latin into russian

About three CD’s of different artists depending on his mood (he never switches them, they just change)

A CD player

So. many. Old. receipts. 

Muffins. Where did they come from? No idea. Are they edible? Yes. Should they be eaten? No. Has that stopped him/his children? Also no. 

Lip gloss because he does in fact have three daughters and Steph once made an entire month of his life miserable because she was required short notice to go undercover and didn't have anything to make her lips look presentable

A kitten. She's still alive. He has tried to remove her. She does not like to be removed. She's been a kitten since Dick was Robin. He does not feed her. (He tries) He does not know how she's alive.

A change of clothes- his size, so any of his kids can use it

Pepper spray

A make up pallet 

So. many. Sticky notes. Some of them are encouragements(Dick) some are insults(still dick) some are notes on cases(tim) some are recipes(jason) some are encouragingly threatening insults(steph and dick) some are little drawings(cass and damian) and some just have quotes, which concern Bruce to every degree when he uncovers them (“is paint flammable?” “Who ate the glowing test tube in the fridge?” “feed the parakeet too late”)

Trinkets. Ungodly amounts of trinkets. A small superman on a keychain. A mini Robin figurine from a discontinued Batburger kids meal.(which robin is it? Its not clear, the paint and discernable features have been rubbed off) a stegosaurus mold. 

Fruit snacks. He has kids

Glow sticks. Why? Not clear. 

Oh, also, of course- the important stuff- grappling line, grappling hook, smoke bombs, glitter bombs, paperclips, mustard bottles, ketchup bottles- wait hang on

Ahem: gauze, bandages, usb sticks, magnets, a waffle iron- maybe there really isn't anything reasonable in here….

Oh and, of course, a small wallet with a picture of each of his kids when they were eight. No one is entirely sure how he acquired a picture of each of them when they were eight- earlier than when he got most of them- but shhhh

[bruciebatsyy]

Unironically Stephanie Brown being the most protective of Bruce. 

He and Clark have an interview at a restaurant? Bam Steph is the waitress and she is watching you Clark with a bracelet made of kryptonite. 

He’s going on an opera date with Selina? Suddenly Stephanie can sing perfect soprano and is watching them while belting out a gorgeous duet. 

He has to team up with Wonder Woman and Flash for an off world mission? Suddenly she’s a pilot and will be flying them today, thank you for choosing Spoiler Airlines. 

Just Steph being stupidly protective of Bruce and him having no clue why because he thought??? She hated him??? 

But honestly he’s also impressed because he can tell no one what he’s doing/where he’s going and all of a sudden Steph is there, leaned over his shoulder and asking in an irish accent “Will that be all, sir?” and y'know who is he to complain.

[bruciebatsyy]

its more of a foster situation?

[bruciebatsyy]

Barbara Gordon and Cassandra Cain 🖤💛

[bruciebatsyy]

in my heart of hearts i do think that as a kid tim had bad luck in that every time his parents took him to the opera he would be like "please let this be the day the penguin decides to hold the entire audience of la traviata hostage and i get to be saved by batman and robin" to himself and it would not happen but inevitably the very next day on the 10 o'clock news it's breaking "no tragic ending for these operagoers! batman and robin save the day when mr. freeze tries to encase the entire gotham opera house in ice" and he's just there trying not to scream in frustration while his dad crosses his legs in his recliner chair and turns a page in his newspaper and chortles, saying "jeez we picked a perfect day to go, didn't we janet? one day later and we might've become the gotham city ice mummies" and tim gets upset because he should have become an ice mummy and janet has to be like "oh, darling, there's nothing to be scared of, mom and dad won't let anything like that ever happen to you" but he wants it to happen so bad. please, mad hatter. kidnap him. just once. that's all he asks for. just once.

[bruciebatsyy]

unfortunately can't find the ask but my recent posting has me thinking about, i was asked whether Dick's friends disliked Batman and my answer was that Dick wouldn't share the kind of information that would cause them to

and i do get that if you're a batkid truther the catharsis of having said batkids friend hate on Bruce would be nice but the answer would always be that the kid in question would not be sharing that shit and if any of their friends even implied actual disdain for Bruce their associated batkid would be the first person down their throat for it, which i think is fascinating

obviously my ultimate fantasy is that Batman is so mentor shaped that the younglings flock to him but in the case where he isn't there is a very compelling scene to be written around Dick or Tim or Cass' friends trying to gently broach some of the worst rumours around Batman and being gently or harshly shut down for it, not even because he isn't what's being said but because that's their Batman and even their concern implies a failure on Batman's part that they won't tolerate hearing

[bruciebatsyy]

i think all of the other sidekicks and younger generation heroes see their own mentors/older heroes go to Batman when they're truly stumped and so it becomes the obvious solution to them for when they are stumped too. sparking off a tradition that makes Batman very, very tired

[bruciebatsyy]

#I don't know how many more "He gets it" I have left in me

[bruciebatsyy]

Bruce in (probably not completely accurate) 1939 clothes

[bruciebatsyy]

Hi, so since you mentioned your obsession about Ra's, can you share your favorite headcanons about him? 👀👀👀

My favorite headcanon right now is that when Batman needs some kind of extensive surgery that he can’t perform on himself, he calls Ra’s to do it.

They can put their animosity aside for a few hours. Ra’s is one of the best doctors of the last 7 centuries, and as much as he loves to fight Batman, he actually does not want him to die. So he’ll do the surgery, save Bruce’s life, hold that over his head for the next handful of years until it’s Bruce’s turn to save him from dying.

[bruciebatsyy]

Bruce bringing Joker back to life in Joker's Last Laugh is actually something I will 100% excuse Bruce for under every single circumstance, because it was not about the Joker and was never about the Joker. It was about Dick and ensuring Dick didn't have to live with the guilt of permanently killing the Joker in an impulsive moment of grief-induced rage. It was about Bruce making an incredibly tough decision to prioritize his living children over continuing to grieve his dead one ensuring he didn't lose another son to the Joker. He knew Dick would still have to deal with the emotional fallout of what he'd done, but he could make sure it wasn't murder. He could make sure it wasn't permanent. He could make sure Dick only crashed out about his capacity to deal out irreparable harm. And that's what mattered to him.

[bruciebatsyy]

performer's smile dick grayson versus camera's smile bruce wayne, GO!

[bruciebatsyy]

sometimes people are reductive to be funny and it’s fine and sometimes it’s not fine and I want to go after them with a mallet

[bruciebatsyy]

Bruce Wayne has never once in his life taken any of his kids to the movies and only one of them was dumb enough to ask why

[bruciebatsyy]

I just find it so funny when people talk about the batkids ending up like Bruce as such a horrifying, tragic concept cause they always mean the paranoia and the self-isolation and conveniently leave out the great love for humanity, the stubborn refusal to give up against any odds, the belief in second chances and restorative justice, the confidence in themselves and their abilities, and more. so either those things are inherent to the kids regardless of Bruce (wrong) or Bruce is actually capable of sharing more than just negative traits with his kids and being similar to him isn’t the end of the world

[bruciebatsyy]

I think it’s important to remember that none of the batfamily are good team players actually, they can fake it for a while but inevitably something will come up that they feel they alone can handle or they’re being competitive or there isn’t time or whatever and they ignore or manipulate their team to Get Shit Done