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[brujipuh]

tortuous, a shell

part one:1,957 words

masterpost: here

based upon dianmz’s absolutely breathtaking art, and a prequel/extension of this commentfic

summary: the winter soldier is a ghost. that much is true. despite several confirmed eliminations of the soldier by international security organizations and various governments, the myth keeps reappearing despite bodily evidence to the contrary. this is the way it has been for decades.

in short,

an AU where the bucky that steve meets and fights on the helicarrier is cybernetic clone of bucky, not the original. it quickly becomes apparent that more than one clone exists.

[brujipuh]

In another world.

[brujipuh]

In another world.

[brujipuh]

“Do you, little jotun?” she asks, “Do you know how love feels?”

“I… I do. I think I do,” he answers. “It’s when… it’s when you feel safe. And happy… It’s when your brothers don’t chase you into the meadows. Or when father does not say words that make you want to cry.” A small smile forms, his eyes grow soft. “It’s… It’s when Thor comes to find you. And hold you. And tell you that… that everything will be well.”

[brujipuh]

I think I love tumblr the most bc I don't owe anyone anything. I can come on here and reblog the most unhinged ridiculous shit and then leave. I'm not giving any explanation.

[brujipuh]

In light of this sad post, I just want to FYI anyone that might be anxious about it:

I will never delete any of my fics for any reason.

1 - I take the Archive part of AO3 very seriously.  I’ll edit and update, but not delete because in my mind it’s been archived once it’s posted.

2 - I’ve seen too many fics/authors I loved disappear, never to be seen again.  If I posted it, then someone who loved it might have found it and someday get the intense urge to read again like I do for those fics, and I want them to be able to find it.

3 - What better way to get back at someone heckling you than to just stone-cold ignore their mean-spirited demands?  To leave a fic up that infuriates the person bothering me so much for existing on AO3 at all?  Even if it was really bad, I would just walk away.  Make it written by Anonymous.  Abandon it on the site.  Comments can be turned off.  Notifications can be turned off.  An entirely new account can be made to start over with. 

The fic can be orphaned.  

For any author who is being bothered into deleting their fics/account, please at least consider orphaning your work instead of deleting it wholesale.  Orphaning is a wonderful, innovative feature of AO3 put there specifically to thread the needle for people in exactly your situation.  To bridge the gap of those who no longer want to be associated with a fic, and those who loved what you wrote and want to be able to revisit it.

An Untamed fic I really loved got the author a lot of harassment and they contemplated deleting it while they were still posting chapters because of the awful comments a handful of people were leaving with each update, but instead orphaned it after finishing.  I have reread that fic at least five times since then.  I don’t remember the author’s name anymore, just as they certainly wanted, but I still enjoy that fic and I know I’ll come back to it again and I’m so grateful that I can.

No amount of hate erases how much someone else genuinely loved what you wrote. 

And there is ALWAYS someone to love it.  Even if it’s just one person.  Even when things are hard and the horrible people are very loud, try not to forget that they are there too.

Don’t make the hateful one the most important one.

[brujipuh]

So in the past few years I’ve seen so many videos / posts that are like:

“Actually wolves don’t have hierarchies!  They live in family groups where the ‘alphas’ are mom and dad and the other wolves are their CHILDREN and offer their respect willingly! :D���

and I just have to say

how dare you try to make normative nuclear families out of wolves

Yes, a lot of the old “nature red in tooth and claw” stuff about wolves is nonsense. (Like anything from Jack London.) And anything ‘alpha’ you see sleazy men trying to relate to dating (yikes!) is especially nonsense.

But wolves are complex social creatures and they create complex social structures. Just as you can’t say “THIS is the way human society is structured. Just THIS single way and no other”, so too there is no single form for a wolf pack.  

Some packs are a mom wolf and a dad wolf and their wolf children.  Others are two small ragged packs that combine to form a large pack.  Others are packs where a lone wolf joins and eventually becomes a leader. Others are packs where a grown child-wolf has pushed their parent out of the leadership role.

Speaking of the latter, let’s look at the tale of Wolf 40 and Wolf 42.

Wolf 40, Wolf 41, and Wolf 42 were wild Yellowstone wolves, daughters of the alphas. Their father was illegally killed by hunters and shortly after ambitious Wolf 40 ousted her mother, driving her out of the pack.  Wolf 21 became the new alpha male, and 40′s mate.

Wolves have personalities, and Wolf 40′s personality was “volatile”.  Imagine Scar from The Lion King combined with the boss from Office Space, and you have Wolf 40.  She habitually bullied the other female wolves, attacking them until they expressed abject submission.  And the wolves that got the worst of it were her sisters, Wolves 41 and 42.

Wolf 41 got tired of the bullying and left.  Wolf 42 remained, perhaps because she was close to Wolf 21, the alpha male.  Despite that, Wolf 21 did not interfere when his mate harassed Wolf 42.

Unlike 40, Wolf 42 got along well with the other female wolves, spending time grooming them and relaxing with them. Wolf 40 could have followed her sister’s example and built up positive social bonds. But she didn’t.

One day, Wolf 40 went out on an important task.  She was going to kill another litter of her sister’s pups–having done the same in two previous years.  This isn’t uncommon wolf behavior (but is not universal, as we will see.)  Typically only the alphas breed.

However, Wolf 40 never returned from her important task because Wolf 42–who previously had submitted to her alpha and sister, who had allowed the killing of two previous litters of pups–had had enough.  She fought back.

And the other female wolves jumped to aid her.

Collectively, they killed Wolf 40. Because “alpha” isn’t a magic cloak of protection, it doesn’t even mean “strongest wolf”, it’s just a job title.

The next day Wolf 42 carried her pups, one by one, to her sister’s den.  She set her children among the pups of her dead sister and raised both litters together. And when another wolf in the pack had pups, Wolf 42 carried them to the den to be communally raised as well.  She was the alpha female now and she made the rules, and the first rule was “we don’t hurt pups here.”

As for Wolf 21, he became the mate of Wolf 42.  Maybe he understood that Wolf 40 had been riding for a fall. 

As alpha female, Wolf 42 continued to be supportive and kind towards the other pack members.  Wolves who had been nervous wrecks under Wolf 40 began to relax and come into their own; one of the former omega wolves gained self-confidence and became one of the best hunters.

“Alpha”, for wolves, just means leader.  They might be good leaders, whom you respect, or they might be bad leaders, who fill you with dread.  They might be your parents, or they might not.  Even if they are your mother or father, wolves don’t contextualize those relationships the same way humans do.

But one thing wolves have in common with humans is that they have individual personalities and experiences, and their actions derive from those.  There is no “typical wolf pack.” And I think that’s beautiful.

If you want to learn more about wild wolf dynamics, I recommend reading the annual Yellowstone Wolf Project Reports.  Which are FASCINATING.  There are also some good wildlife specials out there.

Wolves are my favorite animal. <3  It pains me to see them misunderstood as crazed bloodthirsty brutes, but it also pains me to see them woobified.  They deserve better than that.

[brujipuh]

Let me think about a Loki who comes back from the snap and doesn’t make fun of Thor’s weight gain, who’s heartbroken at the sight of his golden brother with his spark gone. 

Gone the shine in his blue eye that made it sparkle like a jewel, his once lustrous hair now dry and bridle, his beard overgrown and unkept- for once Thor doesn’t need to tell Loki he mourned.

And a Thor who is so happy he weeps at having his brother back but who is so ashamed of how he looks now, of how far he fell- how broken he feels. 

But Loki doesn’t care how Thor looks, if he has two eyes or one, the length of his hair, a beer gut over what once was solid muscle- pain, that Loki can understand. He knows it like an old friend but Thor, the shinning sun to his moon…Loki never wanted him to know pain like this.

What do us humans know about what it takes to break a god? 

Is it fast and swift? Slow and overtime? 

Does it happen when they lose everyone they love? Or just when they lose the one they love the most?

After the tears are over, he bathes Thor, he trims his beard, he washes and braids his hair- he caresses, and he kisses, and he whispers words of praise and love and loyalty to his King- no, to his brother.

And for the first time in centuries not one lie slips past his lips.

What do us humans know about what it takes to break a god?

What do we know about putting one back together?

Is it like a living jigsaw puzzle with edges that cut and cracks that bleed? 

Do you heal it with prayers and worship? 

Loki dares anyone, friend or foe, human or Asgardian to make jest or comment about Thor’s weight- they don’t know the extend of his rage. 

More terrifying they don’t know the extend of his love.

Piece by piece he goes putting his brother back together, lovingly tending wounds and with every broken piece he fixes he finds one of his own. 

Slowly, they heal each other. 

Some days are easy, they shine so bright and warm they burn. Some are treacherous, clouds gather overhead and thunder and lighting shake the ground- the people worry about a flood. Loki worries about his brother.

What do us humans know about what it takes to break a god?

What do we know about putting one back together? 

Making him stronger, more beautiful, stars in his eye, and lightning in his veins.

Who fixes the gods when they are broken? 

(They fix each other.)

[brujipuh]

Under the Oak tree art by Spoon 🥺✨

[brujipuh]

Just a gentle reminder that Loki did NOT fake his death in TDW.

In fact he NEVER faked his death.

[brujipuh]

Made my first lil animation in procreate! Night night lil green bean.

[brujipuh]

Historical footage of the last T-Rex serving his country in WWl.

[brujipuh]

vampires getting annoyed when commonplace items they want to buy are suddenly considered antiques. vampires pissy about having to go to flea markets to hunt down items they used to be able to buy new

“what do you mean they don’t sell table lighters anymore, i’ve been meaning to buy a table light since the last time the 20s happened” 

“why the hell can’t i buy powder boxes at drug stores”

“i got my last mirror comb vanity set in a department store, where do people get them now” 

“wtf happened to bakelite”

“art deco furniture costs HOW MUCH???”

[brujipuh]

[brujipuh]

Back in middle school, my friends and I used a very simple coded language for writing secret messages. I saw some posts about needing to hide one’s beliefs from partners/bosses/parents so I wanted to share it with you! These would also be great to incorporate into sigils since they are simple lines and dots.

[brujipuh]

Selkie’s stories. I love those kind of mermaid so much; I want to draw lot of stories about her but I don’t have tiiime.

[brujipuh]

🎃 🕯️ 🎃 🕯️ 🎃

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no use or repost without permission