buildingunderstanding

[buildingunderstanding]

Loki and Váli 🎣

If yer a member of my Ko-Fi, you've been seeing this piece progress~

Loki teaching one of his sons how to read the water, wind and sky while fishing. Kept getting Queer elder feelings while rendering this about teaching kids how to navigate a world that would gladly see you dead. :(

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The pre-Christian Norse spiritual worldview is animistic, which means that it's informed by direct experiences and observations of nature, interpreted through the lens of human experience and feelings. You know how we watch snow swirl around think that it looks playful, or watch a wildfire and think that it looks angry? It involves that kind of thing.

But when most people think of pre-Christian religions, they tend to imagine later forms of Greek and Roman polytheism. The problem here is that these Greeks and Romans had begun to think of divinity in more abstract, transcendent ways, and had begun to imagine the gods as rulers of things rather than the spirits of things.

Loki isn't the lord of mischief, he's the spirit of mischief. He's in the little voice telling you make that shitpost and to stop caring about being "cringe." He's in your cat's impulse to knock something off the counter to watch it bounce or roll. Loki manifests in every accidental innuendo and hilarious typo, in every spilled cup of coffee, and every paperwork mix-up. (This is why he's a shapeshifter! He can be anything!)

So when media depicts a Loki riddled with repression and shame - say, for example, a Loki who sneers at modern media or the culture of the common folk - it's depicting a Loki who can't really Loki. That poor spirit has been bound and gagged.

Certain popular media has depicted Thor and Loki as some kinds of opposites, but when we consider the animist perspective we can see there is a serious problem with this. Loki and Thor being depicted as companions isn't some random whim; it's a reflection of the reality that thunderstorms bring chaos.

A Loki informed by Norse mythology shouldn't be complaining about Thor's "oafishness" or whatever, he should be encouraging him to wreak even more havoc. Loki shouldn't be here out of some real or imagined obligation, he should be here because he expects he's going to have a pretty good time, and because he hopes to make the situation as ridiculous as possible.

Loki being the spirit of mischief is also why depicting him as hostile to humanity isn't really in the spirit of the pre-Christian Norse worldview. Mischief and chaos are not anti-human; they're just realities of the world that humans inhabit. I get how it's easy to infer that Loki must have something against humans due to his oppositional role toward the Aesir in the Ragnarok story, but that's an extremely Christian reading of the narrative. The story is simply describing the collapse of civilization and end of the world as we know it through Norse animistic comprehension. Loki only has an issue with the Aesir, who bound him in a cave to be tortured with serpent venom. Humanity is neither here nor there for him.

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sometimes people say stuff about gods not caring about you bc they're GODS and they're too BUSY for that etc etc

there's really no reason to have that kinda attitude about it. if i'm having a big bad emotional spiral, then the bigger more important GODS would not be burdened by it in the way i convince myself humans are

i realized i get into "five of cups" types of spirals sometimes and i isolate myself and thought it must have been a bit of a nuisance for a god to deal with, bc i know better and they must get sick of teaching me the same concept, but no. loki said he thinks it's cute and he likes when he can help me out of it.

to me it's a big feeling but to a god it's probably the equivalent of a cat batting their toy under the fridge and getting sad when they can't get the toy back. they probably don't mind helping us get our toy back from under the fridge. we do need to stop batting it under there in the first place, but it's still endearing. silly little guy is devastated from Can't Reach Toy from Under The Fridge.

we need to stop acting like gods are barely tolerating us. we're their cats that keep getting into Situations. they wouldn't want anyone else yowling at their door at 3am for attention and food✋😔

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They probably missed their sister so much ;;-;;

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MISCHIEVOUSLY

Art by morbidmomma

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I am struggling a bit with the concept of faith and I think I had a bit of an epiphany as to why.

When I was eighteen, I went to college out of state. It was a Christian college, the one my youth pastor and his wife had graduated from, the one I had prayed about, the one I was told others had prayed about for me, the one I thought was "God's will for my life".

I was there from August to December of 2011. I couldn't find work and had to go home because I couldn't pay tuition.

That ruined all of my life's plans. Insofar as I was allowed to have plans anyway.

I think that still trips me up because I did have so much support that I was "doing the right thing", I felt confident in it. And I was allowed to fall anyway.

Don't get me wrong, it wasn't a complete waste of time, still learned a few things, and met one of my best friends there. But it still feels like a time where faith failed me. And I don't think I've ever fully learned to cope with that.

I'm scared to take new leaps of a spiritual kind because I did and I still feel like I was dropped. Like a kid who's parent tells them to jump from the counter, promising to catch them, then watches the parent get distracted and turn away from them mid air, not yet realizing how badly it'll hurt when they hit the ground.

Through chronic invalidation and religious fear mongering, I've been told that I cannot trust myself, that I am inherently untrustworthy. And through that and other experiences in my life, through pulling apart things I was taught, I also find myself afraid to trust God, any God really. Because what if they tell me to jump and then don't catch me?

I am so tired of living in fear, but I don't really know how stop the fear either.

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Loki in Freyja's feathers🪶

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This is one of those things that continues to trip me up since leaving Christianity. Sure, I was taught that sometimes God would challenge us for the express purpose of growing our faith, but I was also taught that punishment could take the same form, so if things were hard, we needed to check in to make sure we weren't being punished rather than being put through challenges for growth.

I was also taught that doubt was a sin, in some cases that it was a sin akin to blasphemy. So questioning beliefs was completely out of the question; it was unsafe to do.

There are these little ways about how I was taught religion and faith that trip me up, most of them don't even have much to do with the core beliefs of Christianity, I don't think, but rather with the concepts of faith and belief. I think that's why I struggle so hard with them. When I first decided to step away from Christianity, I talked to Jesus about it and for the first time in a long time felt like I was actually talking to him and not a concept of who he might be. I do think Christians get a lot wrong about the deity they claim to worship, but I think they also get a lot wrong about the concepts of what faith and religion are, and I kinda think that's what's done the most damage.

Hey, don't be afraid of things that challenge your faith. Seriously, don't.

Either they'll give you a new perspective on things, or you'll become more secure and confident in your current beliefs. But avoiding the hard questions leaves you in an echo chamber with half-baked ideas and an insecurity in yourself. Step out of your comfort zone so you have room to grow.

[buildingunderstanding]

tips for adhd witches!

[[before you expand: LONG text post!!]]

I got diagnosed only a couple months ago, but I have been practicing witchcraft for a little bit now. So in retrospect, here is stuff that I realized I have been doing to cope the whole time, and some new things I'm tinkering with :) Please feel free to leave your own tips or thoughts!

At all costs, avoid promising gods and spirits that YOU WILL uphold a rigid routine.

Just do not promise to give daily offerings! JUST DON'T DO IT. If you struggle with upholding a regular routine, do not promise gods or spirits you will uphold a routine for them. You should only promise things you are confident you can deliver. ((If you identify as a beginner witch it's my personal belief that you should not be promising anyone anything.))

Delete from your mindset that all witches are supposed to uphold rigid routines.

Give yourself breathing room: if you want to give scheduled offerings, maybe do one on the full moon. Or, plan it to coincide with other activities that interest you, and that you're likely to show up for.

Unless you have a few hours a week to devote to your practice, you should probably not be dedicating yourself to doing daily anything.

Rigid routine is not the only way to get regular experience with magic, build relationships with gods or spirits, or improve in your craft! You simply do not have to promise yourself or anyone else that you will do X actions at Y times.

Instead of having "do X for Y minutes on Z days" routines, try developing a streamlined ritual you can fit in anywhere for the really important stuff.

Maybe there are some really important things in your practice that you want to do on a regular basis. Maybe these are things like:

Quick personal shielding

Acknowledging and honoring spirits

General offering

Prayer for guidance

Instead of saying "I'll do shielding for 5 minutes every day after breakfast, then of course my offering ritual-", you can put a streamlined (short, easy) ritual together where you do all four of these things at once.

Deep breaths, acknowledge and honor the spirits, ask for assistance in raising a shield, offering excess raised energy to them, and praying for guidance in the upcoming task.

It should take maybe like, 2 minutes tops.

Then, slot this streamlined ritual in before most practice activities. Like:

Before other energy work

Before divination

Before spellwork

Or, use it as a sort of 'generic' access point of connection and perform this ritual:

When you shower, to calm down from the day

When you're on transit to prepare for the upcoming day

When you're feeling grateful and want to share the moment with the spirits

When you're feeling sad and need support

Instead of forcing important actions into routines that may be hard to follow, find a way to carry these actions around with you in an accessible ritual, like carrying snacks around in a bag. This way you can use other exciting activities, or other life events, as a reminder to practice your ritual of important things :)

Build a clear system of omens for yourself. Omens can intrude on your daily life and get your attention.

Maybe you have alarm blindness, forget to do divination, forget to check in with spells - so asking for omens can be a huge help. They are spontaneous messages that catch your eye. Helpful!

Research cultural omens

Research omens in your magical tradition

Journal and brainstorm personal omens

Write out, for yourself, a short list of personal omens.

Solid black pigeons mean a spirit wants attention. Seeing your favorite tree species means a spell was successful. Three gray dots means a spell failed. The scent of cinnamon buns means fortune is headed your way.

Perform a ritual announcing your chosen omens to the Powers That Be. Invite those Powers, Yourself, Life, the Universe, and Everything to send you true, accurate, and helpful messages through these omens.

Working with omens in this way is a skill that evolves over time. Your personal omen system will evolve over time if you use it. Think of it as another form of divination!

(Tip: Combine symbols with colors for an advanced system that's easy to remember. Oak trees are prosperity, but black means slow movement, red means powerful, and white means failure. After a spell you see a plumbing truck with a red oak tree logo; powerful prosperity. Etc.)

Build all your spells, rituals, and everything with the foresight that you are probably going to forget about it or not return to it for a long time.

Employ foresight and:

Encode retirement/shutdown functions into your spells!! Do you want the spell to burn out completely and leave the vessel hollow so you don't have to deal with the vessel later on? Specify that! Do you want the spell to go to 'power saver mode' and hibernate so you can save the vessel and recharge it later? Specify!

ENCODE OMENS INTO SPELLS TO REMIND YOU TO TAKE ACTIONS! "This spell brings me financial benefit, and when it runs low, I will see my omen of slow growth - a solid black tree."

Assume that you are going to completely forget that you're able to take care of this problem, so encode the spells assuming you will never remember to deal with this again:

Spell for people that will remember they want to deal with Monica (they will also be working with wards, divination, and subtle cunning): "Stop Monica at the front desk from assaulting me with her dark energies, or else limit how much of her energy can reach me."

Spell for people that are going to completely forget this is an issue they can take care of and won't do another spell on it for maybe 18 months: "Stop Monica from assaulting me with her dark energies, or reveal to everyone in the office her dark nature, but if neither of these things is possible, change something in the office so that we never interact again."

Assume you will forget about individual spells, that you will accumulate way to many spells than you can individually attend to, and that you may never take final steps like cleansing and deconstructing old spell vessels.

Build a spellcasting altar, or a spell recharging altar, where you store up all your vessels. Recharge them all at once, as often as you remember to.

Poor plan: "And when this vessel runs down I will recharge it with the waxing moon as I stand under the orange tree-" More tenable plan: "And when this vessel runs down let it drink energy from my altar; let it take up any energy that suits it; let it feed on what is available to it, according to its needs."

Focus on learning how to tie spells to external energy sources so they will stay charged for way longer.

For easy deconstruction, set blanket conditions for every vessel that it be undone and the magic erased if you take a simple action. This is called a kill code. You bake it into spells and it makes deconstruction way easier.

Try developing a barbarous word of undoing and using it every time you want to undo a vessel or a spell; this word will gain power and can become very helpful in other ways.

Once again, plan spells with the foresight that it will be difficult/unlikely for you to re-engage for formal deconstruction procedures. So, anticipate your future needs during spellcasting: "And if I ever open this jar and take out the things inside it, let this spell be released and return to the earth, let it fade away without trouble and nourish anything around it as fallen logs nourish the forest floor." This way, you know that if you accidentally forget about a spell or just take it apart, the magic already has instructions to safely dissipate and you don't have to worry.

Develop a visual language to remind you of what collected objects and spell vessels are.

This folds in real nice with a personal omen system!!

Use a combination of colors, established symbols (planetary, alchemical), and personal symbols to develop a visual conlang that helps you keep track of what things are.

If applicable, decorate or modify spell vessels so you can tell at a glance what the spell is for (violet symbol of Venus next to a paw: a spell to improve relationships with the spirits that help you with psychism)

Build a system that makes intuitive sense to you, perhaps folding in with your color correspondence associations, magical headcannon, or any other mnemonic device:

All the spells in jars are protective

Everything that's tied into a witch's ladder is about prosperity

If it has a red X on it, that's a hex

If it has a 7-pointed star, it involves your dragon guide

If you store it in a bag that has blue on it (blue print, blue button, blue tie-string) then that object is related to cleansing

Your personal visual language will gain its own power over time if used regularly, in the way that egrigores or sigils can gain power if used consistently over time :) It can become a real magical tool, not just a mnemonic device!

During spirit work, just clearly communicate that your sporadic presence has nothing to do with your dedication 🤷

When you conjure/talk to/pray to gods, spirits, or anything, address the fact that your communication/rituals/etc ARE going to be sporadic. Explain yourself and ask the spirits to extend understanding.

Some spirits/gods/etc are going to demand regular routine. AND IF THEY EXPECT THAT, then you guys need to get on the same page ASAP as to whether or not that's possible.

Spirits can be incredibly forgiving and understanding, but unless you tell them why you are sometimes around and sometimes not, they do not necessarily know what's going on.

Your spirit guide may have not read the DSM-5. Obelon the Fox-Man might not be up-to-date with the 2025 diagnosis criteria for ADHD, and Obelon might not recognize that you are struggling with a disorder that can mimic inattentiveness. Obelon might be asking why you appear to be so enthusiastic, and yet only call for him once every 5 weeks.

Just explain!! Explain what you are comfortable explaining. Give them reassurances and ask them to not misinterpret your ability to be present.

At all costs, avoid making your path a carrot that you dangle in front of yourself to try and force yourself to fix your brain through sheer force of will.

If the way you talk to yourself about your path sounds like someone struggling with unhealthy dieting, maybe it's time to readjust.

"I just need to do my daily offerings, on schedule, for two weeks. Then I will have earned researching tarot spells."

Maybe it's not a good idea to intentionally include witchcraft in a cycle of reward and denial that will ultimately drain joy from the process until your passion is a withered husk.

Witchcraft isn't going to force your brain to change any more than Stardew Valley was going to force your brain to change. Or that time you got super into succulents. If your time spent studying wool quality in heritage European sheep breeds didn't cure your disorder, witchcraft won't either.

Witchcraft, I think, deserves to be something that is a part of your joy - not a part of a system of stressful attempts at making yourself into someone you're not because "real witches" all do such-and-such routine (I assure you, they do not) so you must force yourself to do it too.

(Incidentally, if you have a 'streamlined ritual for the important stuff' and it becomes a barrier that prevents you from practicing, then maybe that's not a good idea for you - or maybe it's not as simple and streamlined as you need it to be)

STOP trying to build a static path. Lean into temporary hyperfixations.

There is SO MUCH to learn in witchcraft. It's never-ending. The more you learn, the more doorways open for you with more things to learn behind them.

This is not college, you do not have to declare your major. You don't have to wait to decide on your 'magic specialization' before you start learning.

This is not college, you don't have to take semesters of boring general ed classes before you're allowed to start studying what interests you.

Unless you are getting into very serious initiations, learning stuff, advancing your skills, and building your path is not going to shut doors and prevent you from getting into something else.

If something excites your interests, GET INTO IT! Don't force yourself to ignore what you're passionate about because you think serious, responsible witchcraft is supposed to be rigid, boring, and tedious. (It isn't!)

Avoid declaring your major. As in, maybe the idea of energy glamours is super exciting, so on day 1 you create a lesson plan that will realistically take you 70 weeks to complete. Based on your history, is it reasonable that you will maintain this specific interest in glamours for over a year?

Avoid making lesson plans that intentionally slow you down and make shit boring for no good reason. If energy glamours interest you, are you (*scrolls up*) using energy glamours as a carrot to force yourself to engage in a tedious magical workout routine? Is the reason the lesson plan takes 70 weeks because you decided to spend weeks slowly moving through each phase so you have time to spam energy work exercises?

You know yourself better than I know you. Maybe wanting to slow down and engage in your focuses in a new way is the goal. Of course, listen to yourself first!

But if you have a temporary burst of energy and focus to learn a new skill, and learning that skill won't require you to make unhealthy personal or financial decisions, why not just lean into it and explore it moment by moment, wherever your interests take you?

I think you'd probably learn a lot more doing and undoing 20 glamours in a week, because you're freaking out about how fucking cool it is, than if you practice 1 basic glamor exercise once a day because that's what real disciplined witches do, and then 11 days later you forget it once and never do it again and now your interest has faded because glamouring is just another boring chore.

Invest some time and energy into figuring out exactly what your bare minimum of responsibility and upkeep actually is.

How often do you need to recharge your wards to keep them functioning normally?

Once you've explained your own needs and limits, how often do your spirits actually request offerings?

Are you 100% sure the spirits you're working with expect offerings in the first place?

Are those offerings expected to be physical, or do thoughts and prayers suffice?

How often should you perform a personal cleansing to keep yourself feeling magically refreshed?

Feeling anxious or guilty over whether or not you're supposed to be taking certain actions is NO FUN.

It is much less fun if you don't actually know how often you need to do these things. Then it's just all guessing, all the time, and nothing is ever good enough.

If at all possible, avoid putting yourself into a situation where you feel that you are supposed to be doing something responsible in your practice, but you're never sure exactly what it is.

Spend some practice time, learn some skills, and make notes, to discover whether or not you do have any minimum engagement requirements in the style of practice you want. And most importantly, having clear 'deadlines' so you don't have to keep guessing at what you're forgetting about this time.

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op turned off reblogs but i want this post on my blog

[buildingunderstanding]

The pre-Christian Norse spiritual worldview is animistic, which means that it's informed by direct experiences and observations of nature, interpreted through the lens of human experience and feelings. You know how we watch snow swirl around think that it looks playful, or watch a wildfire and think that it looks angry? It involves that kind of thing.

But when most people think of pre-Christian religions, they tend to imagine later forms of Greek and Roman polytheism. The problem here is that these Greeks and Romans had begun to think of divinity in more abstract, transcendent ways, and had begun to imagine the gods as rulers of things rather than the spirits of things.

Loki isn't the lord of mischief, he's the spirit of mischief. He's in the little voice telling you make that shitpost and to stop caring about being "cringe." He's in your cat's impulse to knock something off the counter to watch it bounce or roll. Loki manifests in every accidental innuendo and hilarious typo, in every spilled cup of coffee, and every paperwork mix-up. (This is why he's a shapeshifter! He can be anything!)

So when media depicts a Loki riddled with repression and shame - say, for example, a Loki who sneers at modern media or the culture of the common folk - it's depicting a Loki who can't really Loki. That poor spirit has been bound and gagged.

Certain popular media has depicted Thor and Loki as some kinds of opposites, but when we consider the animist perspective we can see there is a serious problem with this. Loki and Thor being depicted as companions isn't some random whim; it's a reflection of the reality that thunderstorms bring chaos.

A Loki informed by Norse mythology shouldn't be complaining about Thor's "oafishness" or whatever, he should be encouraging him to wreak even more havoc. Loki shouldn't be here out of some real or imagined obligation, he should be here because he expects he's going to have a pretty good time, and because he hopes to make the situation as ridiculous as possible.

Loki being the spirit of mischief is also why depicting him as hostile to humanity isn't really in the spirit of the pre-Christian Norse worldview. Mischief and chaos are not anti-human; they're just realities of the world that humans inhabit. I get how it's easy to infer that Loki must have something against humans due to his oppositional role toward the Aesir in the Ragnarok story, but that's an extremely Christian reading of the narrative. The story is simply describing the collapse of civilization and end of the world as we know it through Norse animistic comprehension. Loki only has an issue with the Aesir, who bound him in a cave to be tortured with serpent venom. Humanity is neither here nor there for him.

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"There's a big difference between orgnized chaos and impulsivity vs. recklessness and foolery"

I feel like the biggest part of Loki devotees (especially younger ones) take his teachings of chaos as a wild card (pun intended) to just be reckless - and that's not what his chaos is about.

Hey, I get it ... We are young, we're free, the world is going to shit so why not?

Take it from me, I spent my 20s doing a lot of impulse driven shanenigans (and I'm pretty sure Loki saved my life more than a couple of times), so I get it.

But that's not chaos... that's just being young and dumb and lost.

Chaos is a creation force, it's what keeps us fighting and breathing and surviving, despite of it all. Chaos is order, and knowing that in every hurricane there is a point of stillness.

So, sure, be wild and have fun but remember to be ready and mindful.

Loki himself, chaos personified, always has plans and escapes. He is prepared (and he is... preparing from what I've seen, although I cannot see for what)

So be wild, but be smart.

Accept that you are part of chaos, but chaos is order.

Wait for nothing, hope for the best, but be prepared for everything.

That's his teachings, more than "fuck around and find out".

Survive and, above it all, thrive.

(hey, it's kinda hard for me to put into words the whole concept of my learning and trance visualizations, especially if you consider English is not my first language so feel free to ask about it, but be respectful and remember i'm just human)

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A Reminder to my U.S. Witches -

Whether you're a private practitioner or a witchy business owner, it is now more important than ever to KNOW YOUR RIGHTS.

Wicca as a religion is officially protected by Freedom of Religion under the First Amendment. This extends somewhat to other less organized pagan religions as well as the general state of Being A Witch, which is also protected by Freedom of Speech.

But we must remember that this only protects you from PROSECUTION, not PERSECUTION.

You have the legal right to present as a pagan or witch in public spaces and technically you cannot be discriminated against in the workplace for such things. However, we all know how that kind of bigotry disguises itself and the way things are going, resources for reporting and resolving such grievances may soon be in short supply.

You also have the right to own and operate a pagan-oriented or witchcraft-related business, provided that you obey all applicable tax codes and consumer protection laws. (This is why we have to mark so many of our goods and services as "For Entertainment Purposes Only," and I strongly suggest updating your disclaimers to include additional language if need be.)

Again, as we've seen, this doesn't always protect business owners from harassment or help them with seeking reparations if there's trouble. But it's important to know, as more and more "proclamations" roll out from the "new management," that executive orders do not immediately or fundamentally change the law.

This is nowhere near a comprehensive explanation of the constitutional rights and laws applicable to witches and pagans currently living in the United States. I urge everyone to familiarize themselves with all applicable laws in their area which deal with public gatherings, small businesses, consumer protection, public transit, loitering, search & seizure / "stop & frisk," and anything related to being detained by law enforcement for any reason.

Familiarize yourself also with social and legal resources in your area, just in case you or someone you know needs them. Talk to the elders in your local LGBTQ organizations as well - we've been there before.

Most importantly, build links and relationships with trusted people around you, whether it's your neighbors or your colleagues or like-minded people in the community. We all need to be looking out for each other and the more we know, the better we can protect ourselves, our homes, our livelihoods, our communities, and our rights.

(If anyone has any applicable links or information, PLEASE add them in comments and reblogs.)

Stay safe!

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The bane of my existence—the notion that Loki is a "god of fire"—was apparently first proposed by Jacob Grimm.

I'm beginning to notice that if the things in Heathenry don't lead back to Blavatsky, then they lead back to the Grimm Brothers.

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Time is not existent to the Gods. They do not do things in a linear fashion.

If you’re worried about how often you work with a Deity or how often you reach out to Them - take a breath and realize the Gods actually exist outside of time. What matters is the quality of attention you give to Them. The depth of the lifestyle you live in accordance to Their values.

The time you spend with Them is of great value but the amount of times you spend a lot of time with Them is not. Quality is not equal to quantity. If you are not in the right headspace to reach out - reaching out regardless is not going to make it easier for you to communicate with Them. You’ll be so bent out of sorts about not being able to hear or feel things because you’re not wanting to be there. Half-assing it because you feel like that’s what you’re supposed to be doing or due to some form of obligation is not only painful and uncomfortable for you but also for Them.

Time is not an issue for the Gods - only for you. Quality exists outside of time just as They do.

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Something I see people post about a lot online is questioning how they can get in touch with the Divine after (insert event here).

The answer is always simple. Be with yourself.

Have you been doing anything mindful lately? Have you been able to step outside of the situation you are in and begin taking care of yourself? Have you been comfortable with how things are going in your life?

By no means do you need to operate like a perfect human being who does rituals or are always praying, but once you find yourself at the heart in all that you do, you won’t need praying, the Divine will already be there.

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I don't know if this is the best wording (it may be technically accurate, but that doesn't make it the best wording in my brain to help it process), but I was taught tithe as if it were protection money, and to some extent, so we're offerings. I don't know if there is a way for protection money to be given sincerely and I think therein lies one of my struggles with concepts such as reciprocity or kharis.

I do have devotional jewelry and little things like crystals or trinkets that have placed in specific places for specific deities, I've lit candles with certain deities in mind, but I feel hesitant to actual ask for anything a lot of times.

I've long known that this likely came from being taught that we as humans are so utterly sinful and worthless creatures that we owe God everything (love, praise, offerings etc etc) for even bothering to think about us, muchless actually intervine on our behalf.

But the odd combination that God is all knowing and thus knows our motivations (more than just that I was taught that I would be judged for my motivation in heaven since as a Christian I cannot be judged for my sin) and that giving must be done out of obedience and also a willing heart and never out of fear or a desire for anything in return, left me feeling a bit paralyzed on the subject. And since it was, apparently, better to not give at all than out of anything beyond joyful obedience, I often didn't tithe because I was do afraid of being judged and punished for my fear. And I think even that has bled over to my journey into paganism. I'm afraid to even try things like making a petition to a deity because they may be away of my fear and punish my insincerity, or they will see my offering as only a means to my own ends and once more punish me for my arrogance or audacity.

Objectively, I do understand that within paganism it is more broadly accepted that giving an offering and requesting something in return is more or less how things work, but it is, on a deeper level, really fucking hard to wrap my mind around when I've been raised on "hold God to his promises", "expect God to always fulfill his promises", "God promises to take care of the needs of those who tithe and give offerings", and also "if you're giving to get, you're doing it wrong".

I do know that two things can be true at once, but I don't see how "expect God to keep his promises" and "if you're giving to bank on God's promise of getting back, you're not getting anything back and in fact your sinning by doing so" go together.

I picked up Toxic Faith at a library sale for cheap out of curiosity and quite honestly because I was hoping for some validation.

I'm working my way through the introduction and was struck by the reference to faith becoming like an addiction which was an interesting point I hadn't thought to consider, but another thing that has stuck out is the example one author gives of his grandmother's financial gifts to the church/ministry. How she was blessed because of her willingness to give, and not giving out of expectant return.

One question the authors suggest people struggling with toxic faith answer is: "What is the difference between giving money to honor God and giving to buy God's favor?"

This struck me as interesting because I was raised under the idea that tithing 10% of your income was a commandment and to not do so was, indeed, a sin. Offerings, mission work, those things were separate ideas, not required, but strongly encouraged with verses to back up the reasoning.

But to me, based in what I was taught about tithing, there is no difference in the above question. Obedience is how we are to both honor God and also by having an obedient spirit, we will find favor with God. Now, I understand this question is posed as a way to examine motives, but even that gets tricky when I was taught growing up that God would take what was his, that not tithing was robbing God.

There are many people I personally know who would say that the near accident I was in yesterday and the damages my car took could be due to my lack of tithing. That God was taking what he was owed in the form of me having to replace my tires. (They'd also argue that it happened at all because I haven't been attending church and "chose" to work rather than go to church, but that's a different tangent.)

Obedience to honor and obedience to have favor become inextricable because to give honor is to have favor. When you're raised under "God knows when you're only giving out of obligation and not out of a willing spirit and he may just choose to reject your offering/tithing" it sets of doubting and fear and it overrides any attempt at sincerity.