bulbasaursim

[bulbasaursim]

bestfriend!jake who’d always come over after school with the single intention of getting his face between your thighs as soon as humanly possible.

who loved listening to the sound of your breathy moans as he ate you out. how you tried to stifle them—always a little shy about the fact that he was down there in the first place—before eventually losing all control.

“h-hng, jake… f-fuck,” you’d whimper, thighs tensed around his head.

“feels good?” he’d ask, his tongue wedged firmly between your legs as you trembled beneath him. “love making you feel good.”

bestfriend!jake who was always taking you out on dates and threatening to beat up your shitty boyfriends if they treated you badly. who never once forgot a plan, a birthday, an anniversary—even ones that had nothing to do with him.

jake, who was so obviously head-over-heels for you that people always assumed you were together, just from the way he spoke about you. who liked it when your boyfriends got pissed about it.

“you wouldn’t happen to know why two separate people asked me if we were dating today, jake, would you?”

he looked up from his phone, smiling innocently at you. “i dunno, probably cuz we should be.”

“i was with y/bf/n.”

“okay?”

“he was pissed. he doesn’t like you, you know. like, not even a little.”

jake, who’d just smile and say, “good.”

bestfriend!jake who was begrudging but accepting when you started taking things more seriously with someone. who was willing to be patient. you’d come around someday, both of you knew it.

your relationships never lasted very long anyways. couldn’t stand being away from your best friend’s mouth for that long.

“f-fuck, we can’t ke-keep doing this, jake,” you panted, rocking your hips upwards.

jake kept his hand steady between your legs, angling his palm to give you something up to grind on. he watched your expression with his lip between his teeth, trying to memorize every micro-expression that crossed your face as you got off on his fingers.

“i disagree,” he said, leaning down to suck on your collarbone. “you could just go out with me, then we could keep doing this forever.”

“i’m— ah! m’not gonna go out with you, loser,” you said stubbornly, tilting your head back as he dug his fingers into the soft velvet of your cunt.

“mhm, okay,” he said contentedly, drawing his hand away from you. “whatever you want, y/n.”

you groaned as he disappeared below your waist, hoisting your leg over his shoulder. as his lips pressed against your pussy, his tongue curling into the well of your cunt, it became all too clear that what you wanted, what maybe you’d always wanted, was him.

[bulbasaursim]

SWEET VENOM .ᐟ

PAIRING. jake x fem reader. GENRE. nsfw. REQUESTED? no. WORD COUNT. 3.9k. SYNOPSIS. your inexperienced virgin of a best friend, jake, tries to ask you for sex advice. WARNINGS. sub!jake, dom!reader, mentions of sex, alcohol & drugs, a little dialogue heavy, inexperienced jake, reader is the same age as jake, handjob, corruption kink, kind of dubcon (but not really). minors do not interact.

NOTE. this is my first sub!enha work. english is not my first language. please bear with me. send requests thru my asks please.

Jake knew he wasn’t really that much of an experienced guy when it came to sex.

Although he was smart, maybe only academically, he really did pride himself on being more on the intelligent spectrum. Top of his class, graduated valedictorian, and was voted most likely to become the president someday, Jake was an absolute unit.

But when it came to sex? He was a clueless virgin.

He was already twenty-two, almost a college graduate, and yet here he was, with absolutely little to no knowledge of how to "do the deed," as one might say.

In his defense, sex was never really a priority.

He spent most of his teenage years studying, being a high school scholar, and all. In the off chance that he wasn't, Jake was usually doing extracurricular activities or helping his folks out at home. He did have a social life, but most of the people he hung out with were co-academics, people who focused more on being a good student, the kind your parents would love for you to hang out with.

MORE UNDER THE CUT.

Enter you, his best friend.

The two of you really personify the phrase "opposites attract" as you and Jake could be no more different from one another. The two of you were friends since childhood, as your families were next-door neighbors for years.

If Jake was academically inclined, let's just say you weren't.

You were a bit of a rebel. From a young age, you'd learned how to sneak out of your house to attend a party you weren't allowed to attend. You spent your entire high school life defying your parents and hanging out with the wrong people. Most of your friends were delinquents just like you, and you spent most days skipping classes and drinking alcohol you bought from convenience stores using a fake ID.

Of course, Jake was the only proper friend you had.

Despite attending two different universities in college, the two of you would always make an effort to catch up whenever you were both home, mostly during summer breaks or the holidays.

Like now, for example.

It was summer break for the two of you, one of your last ones, since both of you were graduating in a couple of months. You invited Jake over, with the promise of some cheap beer you smuggled from your dad’s stash in the kitchen, and a whole semester’s worth of stories to share.

“—so, we were in the sidewalk, and a fuckin’ police car comes around the corner,” you were in the middle of telling Jake the story of how you almost got arrested for the nth time. He’s sitting on your bed with a bottle in hand, quietly listening to you yap.

You’re sat on a chair by the bed, facing Jake. You’ve also got a bottle in your hand, but unlike Jake, this one isn’t your first beer of the night.

You continue your story. “I start running away, and Yujin and the others start running away, but Mark was still pissing at the side of the road so we had to fuckin’ drag the fucker while he was peeing, seriously I couldn’t stop laughing.”

Jake laughs at your story with you, taking sips of his beer as you talked. You remember the day you taught him how to drink. He was a month away from turning 18, and yet you managed to convince him to try alcohol for the first time. You were proud of yourself that day.

The conversation ends and a moment of silence passes. You place your now empty bottle on your desk table, before crossing your legs and facing Jake once more.

“Sooo,” you began, dragging the last syllable. “How about you? What’s new in your life?”

This was the routine for you two. You’d talk about your lives, what you guys did during the times you weren’t together. Most of the time, Jake's stories would be about how he aced his recent exams or how fun their university's events were. Sometimes he'd tell weird ones, like the story of how mold grew in their communal kitchen, or when a professor got food poisoning and nearly shat himself mid-lecture.

Meanwhile, you're almost always telling him stories of your adventures, about the times when you nearly got arrested or even hospitalized. Jake would lecture you often, of course, but he never attempted to genuinely stop you. In a way, you knew he lived vicariously through you.

"Nothing much," Jake shrugs. "Just the usual shit."

You scowl, "You're no fun." You grab a pillow from the bed and playfully attempt to hit him.

"Whaaat?" He laughs, avoiding your blow.

"You never tell me anything!" You complain.

As much as you knew how much of a nerd Jake was, a part of you knew he wasn't that boring. You remember one summer, a few years back when Jake told you the story of how he nearly got into a fight with a senior from his university.

"There's nothing to tell!" Jake defends himself. Then, a pause, before his face contorts. “Okay, maybe there is something…”

“I knew it!” You yelp, climbing from your chair to the mattress. “Tell me.”

Jake, scratches his nape, looking visibly awkward. The boy barely gets embarrassed, at least with you, but right now his face looks the lightest bit of rosy, which intrigues you more.

“Okay, fine,” Jake submits. It takes him another moment to respond. “There’s this girl…”

“Oh my god,” you exaggerate. “Finally!”

“The hell you mean, finally?!” Jake exasperatedly complains.

“You never talk about girls with me,” you huff. “I was starting to think you weren’t interested in women.”

“I am interested, I just don’t talk about it,” with a roll of his eyes, he places the beer bottle on your nightstand. “And it’s really nothing!”

“Just tell me,” you huff, crossing your arms.

“Okay, fine,” Jake clears his throat, licking his lips in preparation. “She’s from the cheering squad—“

“Ooh, a cheerleader, you bad boy!” You taunt, playfully hitting him on the knee.

“Are you gonna let me tell the story?” He raises his brow, tired of your teasing.

“Okay, sorry, sorry. Continue.”

“I’ve kinda liked her since junior year? I don’t usually see her ‘cause she’s from a different program but last semester she was in my politics class,” Jake continues after a pause, “We sat next to each other, and we started to just talk, and she’s really cool…”

“Did you guys fuck?” You asked brazenly.

“No! Not yet—“

“Yet?!” You gasp. “So you have a plan?”

“I don’t know!” Jake was absolutely flushed by now, his face red as he buries it in his hands in embarrassment.

You try not to laugh at how adorable he was. Your other friends were usually as, if not more, shameless as you. Talking about sex, alcohol and even drugs weren’t a rare occurrence. But with Jake, it’s like everything you talk about flustered him.

“Do you want to?” You ask him after a moment. “To fuck her. I mean.”

Jake takes his face out of his hands, but keeps his head hung low. He starts fiddling with the fabric of his trousers. He once again gives you a shrug. “Maybe, I-I don’t know…”

You tsk. “There’s nothing wrong if you want to! What if this girl wants to get into your pants, too?”

Jake’s entire face grows even redder, if that were even humanly possible. He grabs a pillow from your mattress and buries his face in it, grumbling about something you couldn’t understand.

You gently pry the pillow away from his face. “Seriously, Jake. What’s wrong in trying to get yourself laid?”

“I dunno,” he huffs. “I never thought I’d ever want to.”

“All guys want to get laid at one point, even you,” you argue.

“I don’t even know how,” Jake complains. “Like… how to approach her, how to kiss her or what, it’d be so embarrassing!”

“Well, what do you wanna know?” You ask him. “You can always ask me.”

Jake’s eyebrows furrow. “Wouldn’t that be…”

“Embarrassing?” You fill for him. “I’ve known you since we were in diapers. Is there anything left to be embarrassed about?

“I guess not,” Jake pauses for a bit, as if he’s giving it some thought. “Okay, fine.”

Evening flies by, you and Jake have been in the same position for over an hour. He spent the entire time asking you (what in your opinion are,) basic sex questions. He started of by asking how to approach a woman, before leading more raunchier questions, like how to make out with a girl, and what to do when receiving a blowjob.

“You need to hold her hair up in a ponytail, like this,” you exhibit by taking all of your hair in your hands. “You try it.”

“What, on you?” Jake asks.

“It’s just hair, Jake,” you roll your eyes. “Go on.”

Reluctantly, Jake reaches out to take over, holding all of your hair in one hand. He’s gentle, trying not to tug too much in fear of hurting you.

“Good job,” you offer as praise. “You need to keep that grip while she’s sucking you off. Makes it easier for her to get her hair out of the way.”

“Okay,” Jake supplies. He’s taking all of this pretty well, despite being a little conscious. You’re not all that surprised, seeing as this is Jake. You give this man any type of instructions and he’ll follow through with no issue.

He drops your hair as you pull away. Both of you are still sat on your bed, facing each other.

“Anything else you want to ask?” You pry.

“Um,” You can see Jake swallow, probably hyping himself up to ask you a specific question. “About the, um… the actual,, thing…”

“What about it?” You ask.

Jake takes a deep breath. “You’ve just been teaching me about like, other stuff, what about the actual sex part?”

Granted, you’ve just been teaching him about the basics, kissing, foreplay, blowjobs, but you never really thought you had to teach him about sex.

Jake really was that innocent.

You let out a puff of air. “I don’t know what to tell you, Jake. You just kinda.. y’know, put it in.”

Jake’s face scrunches in distaste. “Won’t it hurt?”

“For her, yeah maybe. ‘specially if you’re packing. Haven’t you like.. watched porn before?” You ask, genuinely curious.

Jake shakes his head. “No. I told you, I never thought I’d be interested in this.”

Poor Jake. You sigh, trying to think of something that can provide Jake any assistance. You can make him watch porn now, but knowing how inaccurate those are, it’d probably be more of a disaster to make Jake watch. A quick Google search could help, but written instructions for something so… complicated would probably also provide little to no help.

Just then, you get an idea.

“You know what,” you begin. “Why don’t I just show you?”

Jake blinks. “Huh.”

“Let me show you how to have sex. It’s easier that way, and you can pretend it’s just practice.” You say.

If there was a world record for how fast a person can turn red in a blink of an eye, Jake would have won it by now. It takes a moment for the cogs in his brain to load, and for the words to make it past his mouth. “I-I… are you serious?”

You nod. “Absolutely serious.”

Jake, absolutely gobsmacked by your suggestion, just stares at your face. “Won’t it be…”

“Embarrassing?” You repeat your earlier response with a smirk. “I told you already, there’s no need to be embarrassed with me.”

After a few seconds of thought, Jake nods his head.

Moments pass. You’ve taken the liberty to tidy up the bed a little before your… endevours with Jake begin. He’s now sat on your chair, nervously fiddling with his fingers.

You finish gathering all of the empty beer bottles in a corner by your door. You stack the pillows neatly by the headboard, before sitting in the middle of your king-sized bed, facing Jake.

His head is still hung low, but every once in a while he glances at you. When you’re finished tidying, he gives you an awkward look.

You pat the space in front of you. “Come sit.”

He follows, climbing on the bed and sitting adjacent to you. He’s still awkward, but you can tell from his face alone that he really wants to learn.

“You sure you want to do this?” You ask.

Jake nods, and you see him anxiously fiddling with his fingers again. “I do.”

“If you want to stop, you just tell me, okay?” You expressed. Jake nods again.

You scooch forward until both of your knees touch, before leaning in close to grab Jake by the neck, pulling him into a kiss. You can feel the heat from his skin through your fingers, and yet his lips feel soft against yours.

He’s gentle with it, but it takes a minute for him to relax and sink into the kiss. Soon enough you feel him slouch against you, his hands ever so lightly gripping your shoulders.

You knew you weren’t his first kiss, but he still lacks the experience to take the lead, so you run your tongue against his bottom lip, before slipping it in his open mouth.

He freezes, unsure of what to do, and before any of you can act, Jake accidentally bites down on your tongue.

“Ah, shit,” you hiss, pulling away in pain.

“S-Sorry—!” Jake tries to apologize.

“It’s fine,” you laugh. “But remember to be ready next time.”

Jake nods, and you lean towards him again. Jake expects another kiss but you go for his neck, lightly kissing the expanse of his skin.

“Always start slow,” you teach between kisses, “Don’t rush into it.”

Jake gives a small nod, letting you kiss your way back to his lips. This time, he’s much more relaxed, and he doesn’t bite when you slip your tongue in. He hums through the kiss, unconsciously leaning in for more.

When you pull away for air, you begin repositioning yourself on the bed. “You can sit in front of each other just like this, or…” you trail off, hopping off of the mattress and into Jake’s lap, “you can sit her on your lap.”

In this position, you’re looking down on Jake, and he’s looking right back up. His neck is craned, probably uncomfortably, but he’s looking at you with doe eyes, absorbing everything you’re doing and saying. His hands are on your waist, and you can feel the warmth of his body due to your proximity.

You find yourself clearing your throat, feeling your mouth dry a little. You try not to think too hard as you press your lips against Jake’s one more time.

This kiss is shorter this time, as you pull away to trail open-mouthed kisses from his jaw to his neck, your lips find their way below Jake’s ear, and you feel him shudder.

“You can give her a hickey, if she’s okay with that,” you whisper.

“H-How?” Jake mutters.

“Like this,” you hum before sucking the skin right below Jake’s ear, hard enough to leave a mark.

“A-Ah—!” Taken by surprise, Jake reacts. His hand finds its way to your hair, but he’s not quite sure if he should pull you off to make you stop, or push you further to let you continue.

You run your tongue at the spot, pressing a chaste kiss. Seeing the reddish mark, you smirk in pride.

You continue kissing his neck as your hands trail downwards, gripping the hem of his shirt. You pull away to tug it off of him, throwing it somewhere on the floor. Your hands continue down to his trousers, as you unbutton and zip them while you mark another lovebite by his clavicle.

Suddenly feeling self-conscious, Jake makes a move to hide himself in his hands, but not without you pulling them away. Instead, you push him forward, letting his back hit the mattress.

“Don’t cover yourself,” you mumble. “You’re gorgeous.”

Now even more embarrassed, Jake whines once he feels your hands running all over him, over his neck, his chest, his thighs. You toy with the edge of his boxers, aware of the bulge of his cock printing through the fabric.

Unable to help yourself, you take the palm of your hand and press it against his hard-on, humming in satisfaction as he jolts up.

“Oh—!” Jake yelps.

“Feels good?” You ask.

Jake nods fervently. You take the time to take off his boxers, watching his half hard cock spring from its confinement. You give yourself a minute to stare, watching as your best friend, flushed from head to toe, stares at you with such a debauched expression.

“I know I’m supposed to be teaching you,” you begin, wrapping a hand around his cock as you speak. “But I can’t stop myself.”

“S-Stop yourself?” He repeats. “F-From what?”

You never responded, instead you began moving your hand up and down Jake’s cock in high speed, watching as the boy begins shaking, eyes widening and mouth open in a silent cry.

“Wait— fuck!” Jake shouts, his hand reaching out for your wrist but not pulling or pushing you away. His thighs try to close themselves around you, but your other hand is quick to spread them open again. “Please, w-wait!”

You feel a little evil, but you can’t stop, not when Jake continues to make the prettiest sounds you’ve ever heard. The pace of your strokes don’t slow, and you begin to twist your palm at the base of his cock, watching as precum accumulates on the tip.

“Ngh, fu-uhck—!” Jake moans, back arching from the bed. His hands are gripping the sheets below him, eyes shut as the pleasure shoots through his spine. “Oh, [name], puh, please—!”

You raise an eyebrow. “Please wait, Jake?”

You half expect him to tell you to stop or at least slow down, but he doesn’t respond. His legs give out and you can see his eyes roll to the back of his head. A hand on his thigh alerts you that he’s still shaking, his face contorting in pleasure.

So, instead of being merciful, you continue teasing him instead, “Feels good, Jakey?”

He nods his head so fast you’re afraid he might get neck pain. Your hand continues to stroke his cock at a brisk pace. His precum is leaking everywhere, allowing for extra lubrication as you continue.

“S-So good—!” Jake replies, “Please—“

You’re not even sure what Jake’s begging for, and you doubt Jake does either. You continue stroking for another minute, before your pace slows to a halt.

“N-No, please—“ Jake whines, “W-Why stop…?”

“You’re here to learn how to fuck, aren’t you?” You tease as you begin ridding yourself of your clothes.

Jake, both unsure of what to do with himself, but also at a trance, finds himself staring at your form. He can’t help but to stare at your breasts as you chuck your bra and the rest of your clothes to the floor.

“Like what you see?” You joke, positioning yourself back on his lap. Jake nods, breathlessly staring up at you.

You take some time to lean by your nightstand, blindly rummaging through your drawer for a condom. Once you finally found one, you tear the packet and grab the piece of latex, sliding the rubber down Jake’s cock.

“Usually, I don’t let guys fuck me without fingering me first,” you say as you position yourself. “But let’s say you’re an exception.”

You begin to sink down on Jake’s cock, eyeing the man’s face as it once again contorts in pleasure. You hiss a little at the intrusion, given that you weren’t stretched, but you were so unbelivably wet that Jake’s cock slipped in the rest of the way with no problem.

The two of you gasp once you sat with your ass flush against Jake’s thighs, feeling him fill you up in all the right places. Though he wasn’t the biggest you’ve had, his girth still had your eyes roll to the back of your head.

��Fuck,” you curse.

Jake couldn’t agree more. His hands shakily grip the sides of your hips as he tries to stabilize himself. The feeling of your pussy gripping down his cock was probably one of the most intense feelings he’s ever had.

You take Jake’s face in your hands and press your lips together in a messy kiss. Jake tried to reciprocate as best as he could, but feeling your cunt clench down on his cock had him feeling dizzy.

After a while, you pull away, “‘m gonna start moving.”

You don’t wait for a reply before you began moving your hips, grinding against Jake’s lap, throwing your head back at the feeling of Jake’s cock.

“O-Oh my god,” Jake has his eyes shut, his back against the headboard as he gripped your hips for dear life. “[name]—“

“Yeah?” You hummed, starting to pick up the pace as you bounced on his cock. “‘s good, hm?”

Jake nods, “S-So fuckin’ good.”

You continued to bounce on his lap, your hands gripping his shoulders as you do so. The feeling of Jake’s cock pushing in and out of you was so goddamn addicting, you’ve never had anything like it.

The coil in your gut was tightening with every thrust, like it would burst at any moment. You took a moment to look at Jake, who was now staring at your every move, mouth open as he kept making those delicious noises.

“F-Feels so good, oh god,” Jake groans.

“Yeah, Jakey?” You can’t help but moan, “You’re so fucking cute—“

Jake tries to shake his head, but he can no longer respond. There’s a tightening in his abdomen that keeps growing by the minute, his entire body is shaking, and his moans are growing louder at every thrust.

“You gonna cum?” You ask, bracing your hands behind you as you quicken your pace. “Gonna cum in me, Jakey? Gonna cum in my pussy?”

Jake cries out at the thought, hands returning to your hips. “Fuck, please, c-can I?”

You smirk, feeling yourself growing closer. “Please what?”

“C-Cum, please,” Jake gasps, trying his hardest not to burst without permission. “C-Can I— fuuuuck, cum i-in you, p-please?”

You hum, wrapping your hands around Jake’s neck and pulling him close, “Cum, Jakey.”

Jake’s moans grow loud as he bursts, cumming into the condom inside of you. It takes only three more thrusts before you’re cumming alongside him, your entire body shaking as you hold on to the boy.

A minute passes, then two. You’re both panting, trying to catch your breath. You gently move off of Jake’s lap, his cock slipping out of your cunt as you do so. You slip off the used condom, tying it before chucking it into the trash beside your bed.

Jake is already lying down, face up against the ceiling. You collapse beside him, still trying to catch your breath from your orgasm.

“That was…” Jake tries to say, but you just shake your head.

“Save your post-sex comments for your cheerleader girlfriend,” you tease, trying to ease the tension.

Jake turns to the side to face you. “I don’t think I wanna talk to her anymore.”

You eye him from the side, with an eyebrow raised. “You sure ‘bout that?”

Jake merely grabs you by the waist, pulling you close before burying his face in your neck. “‘m sure.” He mumbles.

You’re not too opposed to it, either.

NOTE. ngl this one kinda sucks but i decided to post it anyway. please do send in requests! thanks.

© dollesung 2025

[bulbasaursim]

AUDIO NSFW n. riki

you and riki decided to take it a step further... and that ended with you between his legs.

— 🎧 recommended

taglist .ᐟ @lurking-coconut, @sunoofairyofsass, @trizdoniki, @yaksokhaley, @gayforsunoo, @owisns9w, @ksnreads, @glassflowerpetals

[bulbasaursim]

🔞🎧 no talking | hoon's whimpering

[bulbasaursim]

sweet like cherry pie 𓂃⋆⭒˚🍒｡⭒ s.j.

boyfriend!jake x virgin!reader

length: 3.7k

contains: female!reader, fluff, utterly devoted jake, sweet relationship stuff, seriously so sweet I got toothaches writing this, date night, whiny jake, talks you through it, so gentle with you, but can hardly contain himself, consent checks

warnings: smut (minors dni), unprotected sex (don't be silly, wrap your willy!), praise, dirty-talk, loss of virginity, oral sex, p in v penetration, lots of kissing, mutual orgasm, that pie is creamed guys

synopsis: Jake is perfectly fine waiting as long as you need to take your relationship to the next step. He's never doubted for a second that you're the one for him. So when you finally approach him with the very simple request, "will you have sex with me?", he just about loses his mind. But not before he makes sure you lose yours first ;)

an: this was so freaking fun to write and made my heart literally flutter the entire time. GOD. I LOVE JAKE. anyways. enjoy <333

——

Jake loved everything about you.

The smell of your shampoo in his room when you got out of the shower. Finding your lost hair ties amongst his dirty laundry. The sound of you mumbling to yourself in your sleep.

He loved you, and he loved being your boyfriend. Doing all the boyfriend things he was meant to. Silly, stupid things like opening doors and giving you a steady hand as you leaned down to put your shoes on.

He loved the feeling of you on his arm, or that excited skip in your step when he picked you up. Your crinkled eyes when he said something funny. Even the way you grumbled in the morning before you had your coffee, he just couldn’t get enough of it.

Being your boyfriend meant Jake had responsibilities, ones that he took very seriously. To care for you, to keep you safe, to make sure you were happy, these things mattered a lot to him, and he took care in demonstrating just how much.

This kind of love and respect extended to your sex life as well.

Jake knew you were a virgin. Of course, he knew. He knew everything about you: your favorite foods, your guilty pleasures, all the words to your favorite songs. He knew that you’d had a few short-term relationships before him and that you hadn’t had sex with any of them.

They just weren’t right, you’d explained early on. None of them made you feel important, or special. You knew you wouldn’t sleep with any of them. You wanted to feel desired and respected, that someone had truly earned their right to your body.

Jake liked the way you’d said that—so matter of fact and confident. He liked that you knew yourself well enough to wait. Sex was important to you, and there was nothing that Jake wanted more than to prove he was worthy.

Despite your inexperience, you had a sexual appetite that rivaled his at times. You were a kisser — a sat-on-the-counter-with-him-between-your-legs, grabbing-him-by-the-collar kisser. You liked to pull him in close, dragging your hips against his as you slid your tongue into his mouth.

You’d pant and grind against each other until, eventually, you’d pull away, hand to your chest, face blushing bright red. It drove him crazy.

But Jake was patient, and utterly devoted to you. If you wanted to wait, he would wait. Hell, if you wanted a ring on your finger first, he had no objections. He had a design picked out halfway through your second date.

It was real for him, realer than anything had ever been in his life. He was ready to remain very patient and very devoted for a long time, right until you were ready to trust him with this part of yourself.

It just so happened that, on the most random of late afternoons at his place, you were ready.

——

At first, Jake thought he was hallucinating.

The way you looked at him—open, sure, no sense of hesitation—it knocked the breath from his chest.

"What did you say?" He breathed.

You blushed. Your face—your sweet, adorable, beautiful face—turned several shades redder.

"Don't make me say it again," You whined, fingers fidgeting with the sleeves of your sweater.

"Please, baby?" He insisted, inching closer to you. "I need to know that I heard you right because if I didn't—if you didn't just say what I think you just said, I'm officially going crazy."

You laughed. "Jake. Will you please, pretty please, have sex with me tonight?"

Jake looked like you'd smacked him straight across the face.

You tried insisting that it didn't have to be a big deal. That all you really wanted was to be with him, to take the next step in your relationship together because, damn it, Jake Sim was the best thing that had ever happened to you.

You didn't need roses or candles, just the feeling of having him close. For real this time.

And in typical Jake fashion, he wasn't having any of it.

He leapt up from the couch, running his hands through his hair a few times as he paced back and forth. "Right," He murmured. "Right, right, right."

Then, he took off down the hall, disappearing into his room.

"Where are you going!?" You called after him.

"Phone! Restaurant! Taking you out and buying you the nicest fucking dinner you've ever had in your life!"

You got all done up. Jake fucking loved it. Watching you in the bathroom mirror, bent forward as you put your makeup on, it drove him wild. He couldn't keep his hands off you, stopping to kiss you every time he came into the room. Hell, coming in just to kiss you.

He felt like he was dreaming. Like this was one, long, unending delusion that he'd somehow slipped into. He put a finger to his pulse, checking to make sure he hadn't accidentally died and ended up in some kind of amazingly strange afterlife.

But, nope. His heart thrummed against his finger, and his beautiful, perfect, way out of his league girlfriend was in the bathroom, putting her hair up to go out.

And she wanted him to fuck her.

Good god.

Jake beamed all night long, getting your car door and pulling your chair out for you as you sat down at your table. You giggled. He was always a gentleman, but now he was really dialing it up—insisting that you order whatever you wanted, refilling your wine glass the moment it was empty, complimenting the way you looked.

"Your makeup looks so good, baby," He said cheerfully. "I like the sparkly stuff on your eyes."

You laughed. "I wear it like this every day."

He shrugged, giving you that dopey grin. "Well, you look beautiful. Gorgeous. I love you."

"I love you, too, Jake."

Whether it was the wine, or the candlelight, or the way Jake's knee brushed up against yours as you ate, you could hardly contain yourself the whole drive home.

Jake tried to keep a steady eye on the road, but the way your hands were roaming up and down his chest, fingers playing with the buttons of his jacket, he found it nearly impossible to focus.

You barely made it through the front door before his lips were on yours, hands scrambling for your waist. You giggled against his mouth, pulling him through the door by the collar and slamming the door shut behind you.

He groaned frustratedly into your mouth, dizzy with the knowledge that he was about to have you completely to himself, that you trusted him enough for this. He could hardly think straight as he picked you up and carried you down the hall to his room.

Your moans grew softer as he laid you down, your hands nervously fidgeting with his shirt. He pulled back, taking in the sight of you—your cheeks flushed all pink, your lips swollen from kissing him. Your eyes darted around his face nervously, not quite sure where to look.

Everything else seemed to fall away. It was like the world began and ended with his bedroom, everyone beyond it ceasing to exist. All that mattered in that moment was you.

He leaned down. "Hey," He said softly, brushing his fingers against your cheek. "You okay?"

You nodded, biting your lip. Your voice was small as you replied. "I'm nervous," You whispered, looking up at him with those big, round eyes of yours.

His heart felt like it was melting inside his chest. "You can change your mind," He said, matching the volume of your voice.

You shook your head. "No, I want to."

"Are you sure?"

"Mhm." You gazed up at him determinedly, still chewing anxiously at your bottom lip.

God, he fucking loved you. You were so cute, so sweet, exactly the kind of girl he always felt like he'd never deserve. You smiled, and he felt his mind go to mush. You laughed, and the rest of the world seemed to go quiet.

Jake took his time. Kissing you slowly, rubbing soothing circles on your hip with his thumb. You sighed into his touch, marveling at the way even the lightest brush of his fingers made your stomach tighten with desire. Long overdue desire.

"Gonna take this off, baby," He said, pushing your dress up your legs.

You'd been naked around him plenty of times—changing out of your swimsuit, getting out of the shower, sharing the shower on the rare instances that you both woke up late for work—but this felt different.

Your body temperature seemed to go up several degrees as he pulled your dress over your head, tossing it to the floor.

"Mmm," He murmured, bending down to kiss the skin on your chest. "You're so beautiful."

His kisses were feather-soft, brushing against your collarbones, your shoulders, your jaw.

He was always telling you how perfect you were, how pretty you looked, how smart you were—but he was all of those things and more. You admired him as he moved down your body, strands of dark hair falling over his face.

"I love you," You said suddenly, prompting him to look up.

"I love you, too, baby."

"No," You insisted, reaching down to grab his face and haul him back up to you. "I love you. I don't ever wanna be away from you. Like, ever."

He grinned. "Good. Because you're never getting rid of me."

"Wouldn't dream of it," You said breathily, tensing as his hand lowered between your legs.

His breath hitched and he froze, biting his lower lip.

"What is it?" You asked, heart quickening at the feeling of his fingers against your underwear.

"Mmm." He shook his head, dropping it onto your chest.

"You can say it, what is it?"

"You're so wet," He whined, voice muffled against your skin. "Fuck, baby. Fuck."

"Will that mess things up?" You asked, unsure. You didn't think being too wet was a problem, but what did you know? All of your knowlege had been based off of explicit movie scenes and poorly written internet blog porn.

"No," He gasped, looking up at you with wide eyes. "No, baby, you're perfect. So perfect, wanna taste you. Can I?" He asked.

Your stomach twisted with nerves, but he was so needy, staring at you with his lip between his teeth. You could've said no, and Jake would have moved on, no questions asked. But something about the look on his face, the way he was waiting so diligently for your answer, all movement paused until he heard what you had to say...

"Yeah," You nodded sheepishly.

He let out a deep groan, coming up to kiss you again before hooking his fingers over your underwear and pulling them down your legs.

It was a foreign feeling, having him so close to this part of your body. You were still nervous, a little self-conscious, but it was hard to stay that way with Jake talking like you were the most perfect thing he'd ever seen in his life.

"God, what am I gonna do," He muttered anxiously, lips tickling the inside of your thigh. "I'm not gonna last a fucking second. Jesus Christ, baby."

You giggled as his mouth brushed your skin again, sending shivers up your body.

"So sensitive," He teased, pressing his mouth to your inner thigh and nibbling gently with his teeth. "I'm gonna kiss you, baby. Tell me what feels good."

"Okay," You said breathlessly.

You ached painfully for him, overwhelmed by the feeling of his breath on your core, his fingers digging into your thighs. He pushed his face between your legs, making contact with his full, pouty lips, and you gasped, your entire body tensing.

"Okay?" He asked, glancing up at you.

You nodded, sitting up on your elbows to watch in wonder as he opened his mouth against your cunt, dragging his tongue between your folds like you were the most delicious thing he'd ever tasted.

"Oh, Jake," You whined, letting your head fall against your shoulder as your brows furrowed.

He responded with a hum, the sound vibrating against your skin as he pushed his mouth further onto you. It was, by far, the most erotic thing you'd ever experienced.

Jake had an incredible voice. Hearing it always put you at ease, no matter the kind of day you'd had or what mood you were in. But feeling it? Feeling the shiver of his voice against your sensitive skin?

Your legs trembled with how badly you wanted more.

It was overwhelming. His sloppy kisses, the soft swipes of his tongue, the way he moaned into you like this was the only thing he'd ever wanted in his life—it left you speechless.

You could hardly make any noise at all, too consumed in the feeling of him curling his tongue against you. It was the hottest thing you'd ever seen. Hotter than getting to watch him work out. Hotter than his voice first thing in the morning. Hotter than all the times he'd confronted rude or handsy men at bars.

This was sexy. The way his hair fell against your skin, his face disappearing into your cunt. The bunch of muscles around his shoulder blades, tensed as he leaned in for more, more, more.

Jake, who had no way of knowing just how unraveled your thoughts were becoming, looked up from between your legs, a concerned expression on his face.

"You okay?" He asked, kissing the inside of your knee.

You nodded eagerly, pushing your hips up towards his mouth. You needed more. You needed to grind into his tongue until you were shaking.

The little action sent Jake over the edge, like gasoline on an already lit fire. He went in again, his tentative demeanor from before disappearing.

You moaned, arching your back as his tongue swirled around your clit, dipping into the well of your pussy with a delcious "mmmm" that reverberated up your body.

"Jake," You cried, hips grinding down on his tongue. "Can you come here? I'm ready, really. Want you now."

He stilled your hips with his hand, holding them in place so he could drag another wet stripe up your cunt. "Not yet," He cooed, kissing you sloppily. "It'll be better this way, trust me."

You struggled to see how anything could get better than this, until your stomach clenched violently at the feeling of his lips massaging your clit. You stuttered, looking down to see your legs shaking around his head.

Your body bucked upwards, hips chasing the feeling that was building in your lower abdomen. Jake's face was slick, your arousal mixing with his saliva as it dripped down his chin. He drank in the taste of you, dick hard beneath his jeans at how whiny you were, twitching under his tongue like you could barely take it anymore.

Every touch made you shiver, each puppy-lick to your clit caused your voice to rise an octave. He devoured you, savouring the knowledge that no one, no one, had ever given you this feeling before.

When it seemed like you could take no more—your hips shaking, your voice cracking under the weight of your moans—he pulled away.

You watched him with a dazed expression on your face, sweaty and already spent. His stomach twisted protectively at the sight of you, the ache of his erection the very last thing on his mind. All he wanted was to make you feel good. To get you over the edge.

To feel you cum around his cock.

He pulled his shirt over his head, tossing it to the floor where your dress lay, forgotten about. He trailed his hand up the side of your body as he crawled over you, admiring the way your muscles tensed under his touch.

You hastily reached for his buckle, pulling the clasp apart and unbuttoning his pants. His chest tightened, still half-disbelieving that this was really happening. The rest of your clothes were discarded as he settled between your legs, the heat of your bodies spreading like fire.

You pulled him in, hands on either side of his face. His mouth tasted bittersweet, still hot from being buried between your thighs. Your pussy clenched desperately, missing the feeling of his lips, aching for something to fill it.

"Gonna go slow, okay?" Jake said, his voice wavering slightly. His heart was pounding in his chest at the heat between your legs. "You ready?"

You'd never been more ready for anything in your life. "Stay right here," You said, your lips barely hovering over his.

He nodded as he lined himself up, the slick warmth of your entrance sending a mind-numbing shiver through his body.

You hardly blinked. You watched, lip trapped between your teeth, as Jake's brows furrowed, his mouth falling open.

You gasped, fingers digging into his shoulders as he pushed himself inside of you. It hurt, but not like you expected. It stretched you, slipping deeper inside as you leaked around him, the sensation reaching all the way up to the base of your stomach.

Jake's breath hitched, his whines getting trapped in his throat as he fit all the way inside you.

"Fuck," He breathed, eyes squeezed shut. He couldn't move. If he did, he'd lose it. If he moved even an inch, he'd lose all self-control. And once he started to fuck you, he wasn't sure he'd be able to stop.

Unfortunately for him, you had plans of your own.

You twisted under him, pushing your hips up in an effort to get him to satisfy the burning desire that had tangled itself up in your lower abdomen.

Jake moaned, his head falling into the crook of your neck as you slid against him, your cunt sucking him in even deeper.

"Babe," He growled, trying to get a hold on himself. "Give me— just a second. Need a second or m'gonna fuck you," He said through gritted teeth.

"Do it," You murmured against his mouth, dragging your fingers over his skin.

"Won't be able to stop," He whined, kissing you again.

You didn't care. You needed to feel him moving inside you or you were going to scream.

Slowly, carefully, he started to move, ignoring the stars that were bouncing around the edges of his vision. His body was tense, barely controlled, as he pressed himself all the way down on you.

To take his mind off how unbearably good you felt, he turned his attention back to you, kissing your neck and sucking harshly at your skin to alleviate some of the pressure building in his stomach.

"Jake," You moaned, tangling your fingers in his hair. Your breath heaved unevenly.

He pulled away. "You okay?"

You nodded, stuttering. "Y-yeah, don't..."

"Don't what, baby?"

"Don't stop."

Jake practically fell apart right then and there. He collapsed into you, driving his hips so hard that the bed began to rock beneath you. You arched your back as he filled you up, your throat exposed for him to drag his tongue across and mark up as he wished.

Mine, mine, mine, he thought, digging his teeth into your skin. "Jake, can you..." You bit your lip, squeezing your legs tighter around him. "Can you t-talk to me?" He obliged, kissing you furiously as words tumbled from his mouth onto your lips. "You feel so good, baby, so fucking good. Jesus—I could come right now. Taking it so good, baby. Wanna stay like this forever. Wanna drown in you."

His words were like a drug, injected directly into your bloodstream. The way he touched you, like you were the most precious thing he'd ever laid his hands on, how he praised you for being so good for him, it all made the tension in your stomach threaten to spill over.

"I'm close, Jake," You said against his mouth, tilting your head to bite his lower lip.

He groaned.

"You feel so good," You echoed, watching desperately as he bit his lip, brows furrowed. "You're so big— I didn't think you'd fit at first."

"Mmm, knew it would," He said, reaching a hand between your bodies to thumb at your clit. "Knew you'd take me perfectly. Such a good girl. So wet for me—I hardly had to touch you and you were soaked."

You moaned, grinding your hips against his hand. A tightness formed in your abdomen, rising up like a wave threatening to crash over your entire body.

Jake talked you through it, relishing in every rough stroke you took from him, drinking in the sound of your pretty voice as it called his name, begging to finish.

"Please, fuck, please, Jake," You cried.

"That's it, baby, just like that. Do I make you feel good?"

"Yes," You whined desperately.

"You wanna come?"

"Yes," You repeated.

His breath shuddered, his muscles going tense under your hands. "Cum with me, baby. I'm right here."

You bucked your hips into his, muscles aching with how tense you were, as the nerves in your stomach unwound entirely. He whimpered as he stuttered into you, fingers pressed into your waist so hard it ached.

"Fuck! Fuck— y/n, god, oh my god."

His whiny moans fell against your lips, cock twitching inside of you as he shuddered through his orgasm. You gasped into his mouth, the feeling of him finishing spurring your own climax.

He held you through it, kissing the length of your neck as your body shook, his name falling from your lips. Your body slow beneath his, cum dripping onto his thighs as your pussy clenched around him.

"That's it. Good job, y/n. So pretty. So pretty. Could watch you cum on me forever."

You whined, face buried in his neck as the last of it rolled over you. He leaned his head down to look at you, his pupils blown, expression equal parts concerned and exhausted.

"Jake..." You mumbled, pressing a hand to your face.

He pulled back, eyes darting over your face hesitantly. “Yeah? You okay? Did I hurt you?”

"That was… the best thing that has ever happened to me. In my whole life." Your eyes were bright, skin flushed and glowing with satisfaction and affection for your boyfriend. “If I’d have known— Fuck, that was good, baby.”

He released the breath he'd been holding and laughed. "Good, I was worried for a second."

You looked up at him, pursing your lips. "Was it for you? Good, I mean."

Jake widened his eyes. "Was it... Babe, today is the best day of my life."

He cleaned you up after, carrying you to the shower and covering your face in a smattering of happy kisses. He washed your hair, and your shoulders, and your neck, admiring all the marks he'd left behind.

He was tender with your lower body, kissing your cheeks gently as the water rained down his chest, forming little rivers that lined his muscles. You'd never felt so tired and so rewarded at the same time.

You fell asleep curled into his chest, the sound of your breath slow and steady. Jake kept his arms wrapped around you protectively, a new feeling taking root at the very base of his heart. The very core of his being.

He loved you more than he'd loved anyone or anything in his entire life. And he was going to spend the rest of his days proving it.

[bulbasaursim]

your puppy huening kai is especially needy one night. what else can you do except take care of him?

kai x reader

tags: sub!huening kai, switch!huening kai, hybrid!huening kai, puppy kai, size difference, cuddling, mommy, cuddlefuck, humping, thigh fucking, biting, multiple orgasms, breeding, tummy bulge, distension, squirting

been working on this one for a while. please enjoy

—————

kai is a good boy. he’s very affectionate, very sweet, and very obedient. there is one rule, however, that he always tries to disobey.

“hyuka, you know the rules. it’s bed time.”

kai’s fluffy ears go flat against his head and he buries himself deeper into your pillows. he does this every night, sneaking into your bed while you go about your nightly routine. you lay down on your bed and he immediately attaches himself to your back.

“puppy, you know i shouldn’t have to remind you. you have your spot, i have mine.”

kai has his own doggy bed right on the floor, but he hates it with all his heart, hates being separated from you at all. he clings to you desperately like he can’t bear to let go.

“please, please, just tonight? i’ll be so good, i swear! please let me stay with you. you know i’ll be a good boy!”

“kai-yah…”

you turn over to explain the rules to him once again, but you stop in your tracks when you see his eyes brimming with tears.

“oh, ningie baby, what’s the matter?”

he timidly nuzzles into your shoulder, ears pressed flat submissively. “really, really wanna stay with you. hate sleeping on the floor. ‘m sorry…”

he’s usually resistant about this rule, but you’ve never seen him get so outright upset about it. you figure maybe today was a hard day, or he’s been feeling emotional.

you pet one of his soft ears gently. “oh puppy… what am i going to do with you?”

kai whines quietly and licks your neck. how could you ever say no to a sweet thing like him?

“ok honey. i’ll let you stay up here tonight. you’ve been a good boy lately.” truthfully, kai is always a good boy. his tail immediately starts thumping on the bed behind him, and he squeezes you in his arms and nuzzles his face further into your neck.

“oh thank you, thank you! i’m a good boy. gonna go right to sleep and keep you safe and warm. right here.”

you smile and scratch his fluffy ears. you do feel pretty safe and warm all wrapped up in him. gosh, when did he get so big? you picked him up when he was just a little pup, but right before your eyes, he’s grown and grown until he started taking up more and more of the couch (and your bed, when he’s being bad). you knew he was a large breed, but it was a bit jarring to have your affectionate little pup grow into a giant doggy who uses you as a teddy bear. even now, he completely envelops you from behind, his strong arms holding you tight to his chest and his long legs tangling with yours. he does make a pretty darn effective guard dog, you suppose. it’s hard not to feel completely safe and protected in his hold as your eyes fall shut and your mind drifts into sleep.

~-~-~

you’re pulled from your slumber when you feel movement behind you. as your brain returns, you register soft sounds right by your head, and you remember that kai is sleeping behind you, his arms still wrapped protectively around your waist. again, you hear little whimpers, and feel him move against you. his front is pressed completely flush against your back, and he’s pulling your midsection impossibly closer to himself with every whine. you can feel something big and hard pressing against…

oh no.

“kai-yah.” you whisper, tapping his arm. “hueningie, baby, wake up.”

he stirs but continues pressing himself against your ass. you knew you should have put on some shorts, but since you usually have your bed to yourself, your habit was to sleep in a loose shirt and panties. as he keeps pushing himself against you, you can feel his bulge press dangerously close to where your subconscious mind has already created a small wet spot in your panties. he must have been whimpering in your ear for some time already.

“baby, you gotta wake up.” when you try to turn over in his grasp, his hips falter and he groans in your ear.

“mommy… please, need help…”

you freeze. where did your baby learn that name? since when has he thought of you like that, and why was it making the wet spot in your panties even bigger? or… was he thinking about somebody else? the thought makes something unpleasant curl in your chest.

you manage to free one of your arms and reach behind you to grasp his hair. “kai. wake up puppy.”

kai lets out a long whine and then inhales sharply. “y/n…? whas’ going on?”

“i think you were having a dream, ningie.”

his body finally stills and he realizes the state of your bodies against each other. “oh… oh no. i’m so sorry…”

“what’s the matter? why is this happening all of a sudden, huh?”

kai hides his burning face in your shoulder and his ears are pinned flat against his head in embarrassment. “um… well right now it’s… um…” he hesitates.

you pet his hair encouragingly, until he continues, “it’s mating season. and sometimes, even when i don’t mean to, i… i can’t help but think about you in, um, dirty ways. especially when i’m asleep… i can’t help it. i dream about you all the time. i’m sorry…”

you turn over and your heart clenches painfully at the guilty look on his face. so this must be why he’s been so clingy lately.

“oh, baby… have you been having a hard time?” kai’s eyes have welled up with tears, and he nods sadly without making eye contact. “is this why you needed to sleep with me, baby? been feeling lonely?”

“mhmm,” kai whines, his hips subconsciously pressing forward towards your thighs. “‘m sorry…didn’t mean to… i’m a good boy.” a few tears slip down his cheeks.

“oh sweetheart, you are a good boy. i’m so sorry you’ve been feeling this way lately. do you…” you glance down at the intimidating bulge in his sweatpants. “um, do you need to…”

you can’t quite make yourself say it out loud, so you turn over again in his arms and snuggle back into his space. you hold his arms wrapped around you comfortingly. “it’s ok baby. i’m right here.”

kai whines behind you, tugs you against him and snuffles into the back of your neck. his hips hesitantly push into the softness of your ass again. “‘m sorry… ‘m sorry… can’t help it, mommy…”

shit, that name sends a wave of heat down your stomach. you’re so weak for him. one of his big hands moves to your hip and squeezes at the softness right above it. he traces the top of your panties to your tummy and then grabs at the softness there, too. he uses his grip there to press your hips harder against his bulge.

“nnngh..” kai groans and licks the back of your neck. his hand spreads out on your tummy and his fingertips dip a bit under the hem of your panties. he seems to like the warmth he finds there, and his curious fingers travel down farther until they brush against the wetness that has been gathering rapidly in your panties. he lets out a moan, pushes your panties out of the way, and spreads your wetness up and down your pussy with two fingers, brushing against your clit on every pass.

“kai-yah!” you grip his wrist but his strong arms stay exactly where they are.

“shit, mommy, you smell so good. you smell… so good.” kai must notice the way your thighs twitch whenever he passes your clit, so he focuses on pressing his slick fingers in tight circles there. you let out a surprised moan and your head tips back against his shoulder. you know that logically he must have no experience with things like this, but his fingers seem to touch you expertly and they’re kind of driving you crazy. kai leans his head into your exposed neck and flattens his tongue on your throat and moans. “taste so good mommy.”

“shit- kai, baby, ah-!” your hips jerk into his touch as he stimulates you determinedly. he’s still rocking his hips into you and letting out open-mouthed moans with his tongue on your neck. “wait, hueningie- ah fuck, you’re gonna make me cum baby-“

kai is panting into your neck and grinding into you desperately, fingers working your sensitive pussy until you can’t help but squirm in his hold as your high crashes over you suddenly and harshly. your pussy drips all over his fingers and you’re pretty sure your thighs are a slick mess too. kai seems like he can’t get enough of it. he removes his fingers from your clit and of course he’s bringing them to his mouth and licking them clean with a shudder and loud groan. “mommyyy… taste so…”

your mind is still kind of spinning from your sudden orgasm, and you close your eyes for a brief minute, until you feel something poking your thighs. “m-mommy, can i please please touch you here? you got all wet… and you smell so good…” he slides his dick between the wet mess on your thighs and whimpers. it’s kind of obscene how wet it all is and how far he’s poking out from between your thighs. it’s dark, and you’re still halfway under a blanket, so you hesitantly reach your hand down until your palm meets the head of kai’s cock. oh shit. its leaking precum and it’s… really big. of course it is. you close your hand around the head and it takes up most of your palm. the motion makes him buck his hips, which makes his dick slide against your sensitive pussy lips and you gasp.

“baby, you gotta be gentle… ah, i just c-came,” but kai doesn’t seem to hear you at all. he’s back to wrapping both big arms around your waist and rutting between the plush seam of your thighs. his head is thrown back and he’s breathing heavily through his teeth, growling occasionally. his knees bend behind you, making your legs bend accordingly, and now when he pushes his head through your pussy lips, he rubs against your sensitive clit every time. it makes you groan and go a bit boneless in his hold.

“ahh, kai…” he licks behind your ear in response. each pass of his head over your clit makes you leak more onto him. when you squeeze your thighs together, it makes him push even more snugly against your pussy and he whines in your ear.

“mommy. hahh, mommy, need you… nngh, mommy, mommy-“

his sweet whines in your ear and the insistent push of his cock is taking you swiftly to the edge even though you’ve just come down from your first. there’s nothing you can do to escape from the constant stimulation on your over-sensitive pussy.

“wait, b-baby, fuck- slow down, i’m- i’m gonna cum again- shit- ah!”

your hand reaches down to push his head against your clit and you move your hips on him to ride through your orgasm. you’re sure you’ve made an even bigger mess now, but once you come to, he’s licking and nibbling on your shoulder again, hips jerking in tiny little thrusts.

you spit on your hand and bring it down to his head once again, starting to rub it in a polishing motion you know will drive him crazy. “come on ningie, gonna cum for me?”

kai lets out a high wine and shakes his head fervently. “no mommy, can’t!”

“can’t? can’t what, baby?”

“can’t… cum like this…” his hips still don’t stop his tiny, desperate ruts between your thighs, “can’t waste it, mommy!”

a thrill rushes down your spine at his words. “what do you mean, honey?”

his hands grip your hips and he pulls his cock back a bit to poke at your pussy. “i need to…” kai growls quietly, “need to breed you, mommy. my mate.”

oh fuck. your pussy clenches subconsciously at the thought. shit, of course he wants to breed you. he said it was mating season, and he said he’s been wanting you in that way. god, this is really bad. you absolutely should not be doing this with your puppy, it’s really risky. but at this point, is there really much you can do? you figure you might as well attempt to persuade him to use your thighs instead.

“kai-yah… baby, that’s bad. you know we can’t… you’re supposed to find a puppy mate-“

kai lets out a long, distressed whine and shakes his head in protest. you’re pretty sure you feel tears on the back of your neck.

“no, want you! please mommy! please, you- you smell so fertile, need to give you my puppies, please!”

you really cannot think of a way to prevent this, and it’s all making you hotter than it should, but you’re trying to hold onto some semblance of control. he’s still poking your entrance dangerously.

“fuck, baby, ok… you can… you can put it inside but- but no moving, okay? can you stay still for me?”

kai nods his head quickly and grips your waist harder. “yes, yes, i’m good, i’m a good boy, thank you mommy, uungh, fuck-“

without waiting another second, he presses his big puppy cock against you again until it starts to enter. you grab desperately onto his arms at the intrusion, mouth hung open in a silent scream, but he keeps pushing forward, pressing inch after inch of his dick into you. you never really got a good look at his size, but he feels impossibly huge inside you. your body is telling you it’s not going to fit.

he ends up having to thrust a little bit to force the last few inches in, but with one last deep push, he’s entirely settled inside, pressed right up against your cervix. your pussy is screaming at the stretch and your brain is going fuzzy at how completely stuffed full you are. you moan a bit dumbly, trying to get used to it, head falling back onto kai’s chest. kai sighs blissfully and kisses your shoulder.

kai wraps his left arm tightly around your waist, and brings his right hand down to your tummy and presses down right underneath your belly button.

“aaangh, k-kai-yah…” when he presses his hand on that spot, you can feel the bulge of his dick inside you. the feeling makes you start to drool. you always get incredibly sensitive after an orgasm, and with the two he gave you, the pleasure is turning you dumb. with one hand on your tummy and the other still tightly around your waist, he pulls you closer to him at the same time that he pushes his hips into you. your eyes roll back into your head and you let out a helpless moan.

kai’s mouth is hung open and panting. he moves so that both his arms are wrapped around your middle and presses his hips forward slightly again. through the haze in your mind, you remember that you told him not to move, and internally praise him for being so obedient even in his state. but it seems like he is toeing the line a bit when he whimpers and pushes his hips forward again… and again… and again, still remaining flush against your ass, but pressing into the back of your pussy repeatedly.

he starts lapping at your neck as his hips continue their movement, basically drooling on you and whimpering in your ear. “m-mommy… so warm mommy. so perfect for me. taking it… ngh, so good- fuck, mommy so good-“

his hips start to move at a more desperate pace, pushing and pushing into you, pretty much like he’s… humping you. god, fuck, this is so so wrong. first you let your puppy into your bed, then you let him cuddle you, you let him touch you, you let him fuck your thighs, and now he’s pressed as deep as he can reach in your pussy, head over your shoulder, humping you desperately until he can put his load in you. holy shit. is this really happening? you’re rendered completely useless at this point, can barely form a coherent thought, clenching uncontrollably around his dick, ready to take whatever he gives you. how did you get here?

“gonna put my load in you mommy. gonna put my puppies in your tummy. want you to- ngh- to have my l-litter. you’re so so perfect mommy, hahh, so perfect for me. gonna breed you f-full and… make you mine. fuck, perfect mommy for my pups.” kai licks your ear affectionately. his tail is thumping quietly on the bed behind him. he takes a hand from your waist and starts gently rubbing your abused pussy, and you genuinely start to tear up from the intensity.

“kai-yahh…” is all you can manage to say as he keeps touching your clit and pressing himself inside you. the last rational fragment of your mind is telling you that you cannot let him cum like this. you cannot let him get you pregnant. fuck. you can’t… you can’t let him make you a mommy. you don’t want to have his little puppies. you don’t want him to fill you to the brim with cum.

“gonna get all nice and pregnant for me. gonna smell just like me. gonna have my puppies for me,” he babbles in your ear. “you’re gonna be such a good mommy… gonna get all soft and full of milk for our pups… give our puppies lots of milk. they’re gonna- ghh- they’re gonna grow big and strong. gonna give me strong healthy puppies. fuck, i wanna do it with you, mommy. i want it with you…”

his little thrusts have sped up and kai is starting to moan in your ear continuously. you hate the fact that his words and his fingers have you basically on the edge again, and your brain has been reduced to only thoughts of kai and breed.

“mommy, fuck, please cum for me, cum on my cock- hahh, please, i’m gonna give you everything-“

kai’s teeth sinking into the side of your neck is what pushes you over the precipice, body seizing up and pussy clamping down on him. you don’t think you’ve ever had an orgasm so intense, and your vision goes white for a few seconds, but when it comes back, kai’s teeth are still sunk into your shoulder and he’s growling repeatedly. he’s started to draw his hips back a tiny bit before thrusting into you, and it makes you feel his size even more. his growls intensify with his thrusts and you’re pretty sure you’re still cumming, pussy squeezing his cock inside you, trying to milk him. you blindly reach your hand back and grab at kai’s hair, pulling it in your desperation. this makes him detach from your neck and his moans increase in pitch.

“fuck, i’m gonna cum, mommy, take it all- oh my god, take all of it- fuck- gonna put it all inside you- god, c-cumming-“

kai completely wraps his body around you, head in your neck, legs bent up into yours, hands grabbing bruisingly at your hips, pulling every inch of you as close to himself as possible, before he moans out a cry and releases his cum into you. he’s pushed every single inch of his cock as deep as it can go inside you, and you can feel his desperation to breed you in his grip on your hips and the press of his head against your cervix. he moans loudly, beautifully, as he shoots his cum into your tummy. with his legs wrapped around you, you can feel the spasm of his cock and the twitch of his balls as they empty his load inside. your head has become a bit less foggy, but everything just feels so right. kai is licking all around your neck, his fluffy ears are tickling your face, and he’s still pushing his hips into yours as he empties the last of his big load inside.

your hand drifts to your tummy and it’s either the bulge of his dick still inside you or kai has filled you so full that your tummy is a bit distended with it. it kind of makes your head spin. you’ve never, ever been this full in your life.

when kai’s breathing has calmed slightly, he noses at your jaw and licks under your chin submissively. your chest swells with love for him in this moment. he must have been having such a hard time… and he came to you, shyly begged for your help… and followed your instructions even in the depths of his mating haze. god, how did you get so lucky with a puppy like him?

kai’s hand joins yours resting on your tummy, and when he feels the little bulge he’s created, he growls and jerks his hips forward approvingly, which makes your pussy clench down on him in surprise, and all of a sudden kai is snarling, and in a whirl of movement, he’s pushing your shoulders flat to the bed and mounting you from behind.

before you’re even aware of what’s happening, kai is fucking his huge cock all the way in and out of your ruined pussy in rough thrusts. you let out a startled cry and try to wriggle away in overstimulation but you can barely move at all, you’re pressed flat to the bed and his weight is pinning you down completely. his hands push your shoulder blades down into the mattress and your back involuntarily arches, pushing your hips up into the air, and creating an angle that allows him to drill directly into your g-spot with every thrust.

by not allowing him to move before, your body didn’t get a chance to feel his true size and adjust, so every push of his huge cock is forcing you open. it’s impossible to move, your pussy is struggling to accommodate him, and you’re practically choking on every moan that comes out of your mouth.

kai’s hips slam bruisingly into your ass with every thrust. he’s continuously letting out animalistic growls and moans as he determinedly fucks you with his full power. his hands move from holding you down by your shoulders to gripping tightly at your hips as he leans down behind you, fastening his teeth to the back of your neck in a dominant scruff. you are not a hybrid, and you’ve never been scruffed, but somehow, it must have an effect on some deep instinct within you that makes you helplessly melt under him and your brain fog over. he makes a pleased, grumbly little noise in approval.

no more words come from his mouth, and your brain is truly and utterly empty. kai seems to be deep into his rut and reduced to his basest breeding instincts as he keeps your hips tilted up while he fucks you so that none of his cum has any chance of leaking out. from your daze, you register your body beginning to climb alarmingly quickly to another high, and you’re not sure you can take it. you whimper and begin to scrabble at the sheets, squirming under him to try to escape the overwhelming stimulation, but kai snarls, tangles one of his hands in your hair to pin your head down to the mattress and snaps his jaw at you warningly.

you’re helpless but to climb that peak as he abuses your g-spot with direct accuracy and increases his rough pace even further. he can’t speak to tell you, and you can’t think enough to register it, but your body recognizes his approaching high and your pussy grips him even harder as if asking for it. kai groans deeply, and reaches his hand around you to splay across your swollen tummy and the second his fingers graze your clit, you’re screaming and seizing in an explosive orgasm that has you squirting onto the bedsheets.

your death grip on him has kai letting out a truly feral growl and sinking his teeth into your shoulder, fangs breaking the skin, locking his hips into the deepest point inside you directly against your cervix and filling you once again with more thick, hot cum. he’s spilling into you, you’re shaking and almost completely blacking out at the intensity, he’s rocking his hips against you to milk himself dry, and he’s running his hand proudly over your tummy again before everything goes dark.

~-~-~

when you come to, kai is behind you still, but now spooning you again, and he’s licking your neck and his bite on your shoulder and snuffling into you lovingly. you whimper and shift against him, and you moan in surprise when you feel that he’s still inside you and he twitches as he shoots another jet of cum into your pussy.

“shh, stay still…” kai holds your hips steady while he sighs against your neck in bliss. you lay there for a while and collect yourself, registering the sore state of your body.

after a few minutes, his hand wanders back to your tummy and caresses it. he presses small kisses to your shoulder. you should probably say something, but you’re just so exhausted and so content laying here with him that you can’t bring yourself to. instead, you find his hand on your tummy with yours and close your fingers around his. he lets out a happy hum.

“i love you.”

your heart fills with emotion. you’re so, so lucky to have him, to be able to share this with him.

“i love you, kai-yah.”

[bulbasaursim]

🙋‍♀️ Hi

Your hybrid fics/thoughts are so good 😣 Can I request puppy or penguin Kai pleeeeaaaase 🥺

thank you !!!!!! indeed you can 👀

mixed breed puppy hybrid!kai whose half retriever side is so predominant 🤧 floppy ears and fluffy black tail that’s always wagging and knocking into things cuz he doesn’t recognize his own size, the clumsiest but sweetest boy..

you were only planning on looking when you visited the hybrid adoption center, but the minute you saw kai and his bright shy smile, you just couldn’t resist 🥺

he’d be so adorably awkward at first, unsure of what to do with himself but still excited as he observes the apartment with wide eyes and a thumping tail, staying by the entrance shifting his weight around on his feet before you tell him that it’s okay to relax and go look around.

he’s so attentive and polite when you walk him through everything, nodding along and giving you his complete attention, eyes lighting up when you show him the space you just prepared for him;

you apologizing that it isn’t much yet since you hadn’t exactly planned on bringing anyone home and promising to spruce it up and buy him lots of things, but he’s quickly shaking his head and insisting that no, no, it’s perfect!!!!

your heart swells at how grateful he is over the littlest things and you definitely do end up buying him lots of stuff anyway <33

despite his shy n awkward nature at first, the two of you would end up bonding quickly.

you realize that he’s actually pretty mature and even have to assure him teasingly that he doesn’t need to be so polite all the time (which causes a blush to spread across his cheeks as he nods sheepishly) and soon he’s able to fall into a comfortable rhythm with you.

he’d loooove nuzzling his head against your tummy, and you wouldn’t even have to pet him for him to be satisfied — he just enjoys any contact and will happily slump against the squishiest parts of you that he can find.

he also loves your thighs for this reason and there have definitely been times you’ve had to quickly ease him off of you when he’d get his face a little too close to your crotch; he’s not sure why you’re moving him or why your cheeks are suddenly so red, but he’ll reposition himself if that’s what you want! 🤷🏻‍♀️

now despite kai having grown happily used to his new life with you by now, there’s one topic of conversation that has him feeling all awkward and shy all over again, and that’s the conversation that he’s trying to approach you with today —

your gentle giant towering over you innocently as he patiently waits for you to finish up what you’re doing, shifting his weight around on his feet the same way he did when you first brought him home;

“what’s up, hyuka? everything okay?”

he looks up from the floor with a start when you address him and smiles nervously.

“o-oh! um, yeah.. i just.. was wondering if we can talk about something?”

his fingers play with one of the napkins on the table after the two of you sit down, twisting and tearing it into little bits until you gently prod -

“hyuka? what is it, honey?”

he blushes at the pet name (secretly he loves it when you call him that) and finally meets your eyes.

“um, well… i needed to talk to you about.. uh… my.. m-my rut.”

you blink in surprise; that isn’t what you were expecting. to be honest, you hadn’t even thought about it before, still learning the ropes of what it means to care for a hybrid yourself.

as he explains in embarrassment that he can feel it coming soon and that he needed to let you know, you take note of how well he seems to be keeping himself under control — if his rut really is around the corner, you wouldn’t have even been able to tell — and you have to admit that when he brings up the mention of the breeding centers that he had heard people back at the adoption center talk about, you feel a twinge of uncertainty in your chest.

uncertainty, and… something else that you can’t quite place.

“hmm..”

he observes the slight furrow in your brow as you think for a moment. are you upset? is he being too much of a hassle?

but his momentary insecurity melts away when you finally respond,

“i’m just a little worried about sending you there for so long… i mean, it’s just a week or so, but.. i want to make sure you’re getting all the care that you need. it makes me nervous that i won’t be there to help.”

you don’t realize what you said until you said it.

kai’s head cocks to the side, confused. “help? how?”

“uh.. i just meant…” you’re lost for words. “well, i don’t really know what i meant.”

you can see the wheels turning in his brain as well as the realization when it dawns, and you wish a black hole would open up and swallow you when his head cocks the other way and he says,

“oh! you mean… you could be my breeding partner?”

if you’d had a drink in hand, you would’ve choked on it.

his words send a slew of images rushing through your mind, face heating up as you to try to push them away; you can’t think about your precious kai like this !!!

“w-well, t-that’s not exactly what i.. um… i mean, there are lots of other owners who.. uh.. who do that. but i wasn’t saying that-!”

you panic your way through an explanation, brows lifting as kai’s tail actually begins to.. wag.

his cheeks are pink as he sits there staring at you, even though you finished speaking, tail lightly thumping and the fabric of his pants bunching in his hands as they rest on his thighs.

it’s as if he can’t control his body’s reaction to your words and he knows it.

“uh… kai?”

his blush grows even deeper.

now it’s your turn to realize something as you observe him, before asking carefully,

“hyuka.. do you.. like that idea?”

and that, my friends, is how you guys came to the bizarre agreement that you would be the one to help kai through his rut.

the rest of that week would be kind of awkward, to be honest — kai still insanely embarrassed about admitting that he’d prefer it if you were the one in his bed, and you, well… you just find yourself dealing with desires that you didn’t even know you had, and didn’t even know if you were allowed to have.

but that awkwardness quickly comes to a forced end when you’re getting ready for bed one night, taking your time since it’s finally the weekend, having just slipped into your little tank top and sleep shorts set when you hear a thunk against your bedroom door.

you pause.

silence.

“hyuka..?” you call. more silence, but you swear you can hear the faintest sound of a groan come from the other side.

“kai? honey?”

you’re about to head for the door when it slowly swings open, your eyes widening at the sight of your hybrid slumped heavy against the doorframe, and you’ve never realized how broad his chest is until now as it heaves up and down with labored breaths.

his gaze is cloudy, a sheen of sweat coating his skin, dark hair falling into his eyes that are currently raking over your body — these clothes are the most revealing he’s ever seen on you, and you almost gasp at the low growl that forms quietly at the back of his throat.

“k-kai.. is it time..?”

he nods weakly, and you can tell how hard he’s trying to hold himself together.

you take a deep breath. you’ve never done this before, but you’re ready to give him whatever he needs. “okay. let’s go to your room.”

—

you’ve never felt so many sensations at once. the way kai grinds his body against you hungrily, hips pushing against yours, kissing and licking up and down your neck and tits as he groans — encasing you fully underneath his large frame as you try to keep up with his eager ministrations.

while you can tell that he is getting a little bit of relief, you can also tell that he’s still massively holding himself back (you’ll see just how much soon enough) and it takes everything in you to keep your own moans at bay as you assure him,

“hyuka- f-fuck- hyuka, i-it’s okay. just- just let go.”

his grinding is getting more desperate now, the bed starting to rattle and pants and whines falling from his lips as he protests, “d-don’t.. don’t wanna... hurt you…!”

you can feel his leaking cock throbbing against your thigh and can only imagine how painful it must be. when you take his face in your hands to make him look at you, there’s a wild look in his eyes, something feral on the verge of snapping — and you’re gonna let it.

“kai,” you breathe. “just let go.”

and so he does.

you��ve never been fucked so animalistic in your life, the hugeness of his form finally coming into play, the deep growls and snaps of his jaw that you never would’ve imagined your hyuka to be capable of; and yet here you are, fucked completely dumb on your hybrid’s cock as he’s got you pinned and marked and knotted over and over and over and over again as if it’s the last thing he’ll ever get to do.

in his case, you’re his mate made to be manhandled, and it’s safe to say that by the end of his week-long rut you’re completely and utterly spent.

unable to even keep your eyes open as soon as it finally passes, the two of you exhausted as kai cuddles you as close as possible, gently licking and kissing at all the bites and marks he’d left behind, nuzzling his face in your hair as his cock slowly, finally, begins to soften inside of you.

you would probably sleep for a few days after that; kai taking such good care of you and treating you so sweetly with the softest touches as he tends to your bruises and keeps you all cleaned up and comfy.

i guarantee that after that first rut there’d be this deep unspoken bond formed between the two of you that makes you inseparable 🤧

all kai wants to do is love and protect you; your big strong sweet puppy who aims to make your life just as lovely as you’ve made his <333

[bulbasaursim]

breeding kink soobin is my roman empire

OKAY BUT THAT ONE ANON OF YOURS THAT WAS TALKING ABOUT THICK STICKY CUM SOOBIN-

literally can’t get it out of my head, his hips pressed into yours so deeply that there’s barely room for him to thrust properly but he doesn’t care, all he cares about is staying as deep inside you as he can get - he’s rolling his hips raggedly against yours, pretty lips sucking all over your tits, moaning whispers of “gonna fill you up so good, baby” and “want my cum, baby? tell me you want it” while you’re too fucked out to even respond 😩

he’s so fucking big and cums so fucking much.. kissing you as he releases inside you, making out with you all sloppy and wet as he’s groaning against your lips. he insists on cockwarming you, so warm and full, every now and then giving a soft little thrust or two to make sure nothing drips out <3

sits up sooo slowly later, keeping his cock inside you until he’s sitting on his knees, watching the way his cum coats your pussy and the base of his dick when he hasn’t even pulled out yet. then pulls out gently and gives a quiet, breathy little moan at the sight of his thick sticky cum slowly dripping out of you 🤧 he’s using his long pretty fingers to slowly rub your pussy with it — eyes flickering up at you through his lashes as you twitch and moan — before he fingers it back into you, the lewd wet noises and the warm gooey feeling making him whisper “fuck” under his breath, almost getting hard again on the spot.

when he removes his fingers they’re coated and dripping, and he brings them up to your lips for you to suck clean like a good sweet girl taking all of binnie’s cum <3

[bulbasaursim]

Relieve your stress

When Sunghoon’s stress piles up, Jake finds solutions, strange as they may be.

Sunghoon x reader

Warnings: blow jobs, face fucking, voyeurism, muffling moans, is it gay to jack off your friend?(probably), hand jobs, hair pulling, inexperience, reader is Jake’s gf.

𖦹 𖦹 𖦹 𖦹 𖦹 𖦹 𖦹 𖦹 𖦹 𖦹 𖦹 𖦹 𖦹 𖦹 𖦹 𖦹 𖦹 𖦹 𖦹 𖦹 𖦹 𖦹 𖦹 𖦹 𖦹 𖦹

Jake, who has always been such a good friend, can be very selfless. Lately he’s noticed that Sunghoon’s been unusually stressed out. And, as the good friend that he is, he’s tried to help.

He’s tried ordering his favorite food, asking him if he wanted to talk, doing him favors, even taking on some of his responsibilities without being asked. But even when he finally agrees to watch the movie Sunghoon’s always wanted to watch together, he could still notice his leg bouncing in anxiety and his inability to focus.

It’s like he could feel the tension hanging onto every strand of Sunghoons being, and well, what are friends for if he wouldn’t do absolutely everything in his power to make sure that his Sunghoon felt better?

Jake is selfless, really, he even lets Sunghoon have sex with his own girlfriend.

When Sunghoon’s eyes roll to the back of his head, he knows he’s done the right thing, and that finally, maybe after this he’ll be back to his normal, calm, and passive state.

Sunghoon gasps, “oh my god.”

He has his wet cock in your mouth, leaning back against Jake’s chest as he sits on the side of the bed, your knees on the floor. Jake wraps an arm around Sunghoon’s shoulder.

“Yeah baby, just like that. Make him feel good,” Jake says in between all the wet noises. At his praise, you speed up your movements, taking Sunghoon’s perfect cock further down your throat. You look up to see if Sunghoon likes it, and honestly, you’ve never seen him less composed in your life. He’s panting irregularly, soft gasps and moans making their way in between. His thick eyebrows are slightly furrowed and his plump lips are slick and tinged with his own saliva. They only get more wet as he gets louder and he bites down on them, trying to muffle his moans, although they only turn more desperate. When he releases his lips, they’re stained red from his ministrations. Suddenly, he thrusts up, making you choke.

“Sorry, I’m sorry,” he says with a worried face, half mindedly putting a hand on your head in an innocent act of consolation. You cough a little and shake your head to signal that it’s okay.

“Let Sunghoon use you a little, okay baby?” Jake asks softly.

Sunghoon goes to take his hand off your head, but you put your hand over his to keep it there, looking up at him and reassuring him, “Show me how you want it.”

Sunghoon’s mouth drops slightly at the exchange. And out of nerves and, presumably, his lack of experience, he doesn’t bring himself to move.

“C’mon Sunghoon-ah,” Jake encourages, moving your head with his free hand back onto Sunghoon’s cock and moving it up and down.

You both hear a soft gasp come from Sunghoon from the sudden stimulation.

“C’mon,” Jake says again. And at that, Sunghoon puts his hand firmer on your head and starts bobbing it up and down like Jake had, while Jake strokes the parts of his member that you don’t have in your mouth.

Sunghoon’s cheeks are red, mouth hanging wide open and eyebrows twisted together like he’s in pain.

“Yess, yes, ohh,” he chants, moving your head more rapidly.

Without noticing, he starts thrusting into your mouth, getting louder and louder as he chases his high. Tears well up in your eyes, but you let Sunghoon use you. You’ve seen how stressed he’s been lately, and how worried Jake’s been of him. It’s the least you can do.

“Don’t-don’t stop,” Sunghoon mewls before letting out another loud moan. Scared that the other members will hear, Jake puts the hand around Sunghoon’s shoulders on his mouth, covering and muffling him. Sunghoon’s a mess; strands of his hair are draped over his face as his head falls backward onto Jake’s shoulder, his moans muffled but desperate. Your mouth never lets up, relaxing your throat and sucking on Sunghoon the best that you can as you give him what he needs.

He’s so close, and as he reaches his peak his grip absentmindedly tightens on your hair, pushing you all the way down on his cock before lifting your head up and slamming it all the way down again, as he lets out constant loud moans of pleasure.

You try to endure it as you choke on his hot cum, milking him entirely during his high.

When he finally comes down, you pull your head off of his cock and begin a fit of coughs.

“Oh no, shit i’m sorry,” he says tiredly, but undeniably filled with worry.

You laugh, “It’s okay, looks like you really needed it huh?”

Jake laughs behind Sunghoon and pats him on the back, “feeling better?”

With his eyes closed and head still on Jake’s shoulder, he nods, “thank you, both of you.”

And somehow, you and Jake both know that Sunghoon’s gonna be back to normal after this.

[bulbasaursim]

TASTE OF HEAVEN | nsfw

SUMMARY: You're head over heels for your boyfriend, if only you could realize the truth he's been hiding from you about his true nature. (Minimal plot)

Pairing: vampire!jake x afab reader

minors dni!

notes: this is, without a doubt, the most self indulgent thing I've ever written. I also can't remember if/when the last time I wrote something so explicit was. You can thank Josie (@pprodsuga) for that.

word count: 6.1k

content descriptions under cut

would love a reblog and comment <3

content warnings: fingering, oral sex (receiving), descriptions of blood, hypnotism/minor gaslighting, unprotected sex/creampie

<3 <3 <3 <3

He sits by the window, still in his suit from earlier. One long leg is crossed over the other as he swirls a dark liquid around in a whisky glass. He’s pensive, and the moonlight and city lights streaming in from the floor to ceiling panes cuts across him like he’s in a photographer’s studio, waiting to be captured in time. He’s distant from everyone and everything, lost in another planet. But every time you see him, you swear he was taken out of a painting, his beauty breathtaking. It’s a mesmerizing spell you can never quite seem to break.

Every time you’re alone with Jake, you feel like you’re dancing around something untouchable. It’s just hard to pinpoint what exactly. After all, for all intents and purposes Jake’s the perfect boyfriend. He always listens to you intently, cocking his head to one side with a grin. He’ll wrap you in his arms and won’t let you go the whole night while you sleep, and sometimes when you’ve been texting him all day complaining about work, you come home to a delivery order from your favorite restaurant at your door. But sometimes, it feels like he’s unreachable. His gaze will wander off, or he’ll look like there’s something weighing on him—deep and pressing. But you’ll ask about it and he’ll perk up, waving it off as just being tired. Just like now. 

You hadn’t even realized you were just standing there staring, but Jake Sim’s preternaturally keen senses already pick you up at the edge of the room. He looks away from the cityscape, and immediately, his gaze softens when he catches a glimpse of you. You decided to surprise him earlier, when you couldn’t resist the soft pink lace and silk of the slip you saw at the store. Your cheeks go pink when you see the way his gaze practically devours you, as he so lovingly takes in every curve and detail of your body. 

“Is it too much?” You ask shyly.

“Too much?” He responds a little breathlessly. “Baby, no, it’s perfect. You’re perfect.” He sets down his glass as  you pad over to him. He pulls you onto his lap, nuzzling your neck. You smile, relaxing into the familiar warmth of his embrace. 

“What were you thinking about?” You ask playfully, gently placing your arms over his shoulders. His signature mischievous smirk spreads across his face and he squeezes your sides. 

“You, of course. I’m always thinking about you.” He responds in between soft kisses at your neck, and although you’re not quite sure if that’s the truth, tonight, you’ll take the affection. You gently cup his cheeks and lift his head so your eyes meet. You think you might drown in the chocolate pool of his gaze. A smile has replaced the the distant look from his earlier state, like the sun pouring light out after a heavy rain, the sight of you enrapturing him. It’s your favorite part of him, the pure warmth that always seems to radiate from him and all the love he has to give.

“Isn’t that so sweet,” you purr, and you slip a hand down the front of his chest, and start to twirl his tie around your hand, before pulling it taut and leaning into to press your lips to his. Jake groans, low and hungry as you slip your tongue into his mouth, and he grips you tight against him, kissing you hard enough that you forget what oxygen feels like. When you finally break apart, you’re both a little breathless, lips wet from each other. You can already feel the wetness pooling at your core, and you’re still clinging to Jake’s tie like it’s your lifeline. 

“I think you’re made of sugar, spice, and everything nice,” You tease in a low voice, before pressing a kiss to his nose. 

“Y/N” he whispers. The desire dripping from his voice, like a wine glass overfilled, threatens to undo you then and there. Before you can speak, Jake stands, still carrying you in his arms and you let out a small “Oh!” Of surprise. He looks down at you with a grin. He’s always enjoyed catching you off guard, and you’ve seen the way he lights up at everyone of your smallest joys. It makes you tumble off the cliff a little more every time you see him, and you’ve realized at this point, you’re so deep in the haze of love, you don’t think you could ever come out of it. 

He sets you down on his bed, the soft cotton of the sheets enveloping you, and you reach for him again by the tie, pulling him down, hungry for his kisses. He cups the back of your head to steady himself, smiling into the kiss before he pulls back. “You seem to be so fascinated by this, I’ll give it to you.” And in one graceful motion, he’s tying your hands above your head to the headboard with the tie, and you’re pretty sure there’s already a stain  underneath you just from that. He throws off his blaze and undoes his shirt, button by button, and you gaze over him hungrily, obsessively. You remember the first time you slept together, and how gentle he was as he took his time learning your body.  Now he knows the tricks, he knows what makes you tick, and he’ll take his sweet time, no matter how torturous it is to you. 

You groan when you see his bare torso and he licks his lips. 

“How and why are you so perfect?” You whine, ready to skip the foreplay and get straight to the point. 

“Now you know how I feel princess, when I look at you.” And he climbs on top of you, one hand grabbing your wrists, and the other slipping underneath your nightgown, gripping the skin of your waist as he goes in for a kiss. Your knees come up and you grip his sides, and you can feel his smile even though the kiss. He drags his lips down your jawline to your neck, and he sucks and nips at the soft skin, causing you to gasp from the sensation. 

“Hold still for me, okay?” 

“Okay,” you squeak out, holding your breath in anticipation. Your train of thought abruptly breaks off as searing pain tears its way through your neck. You can’t help the scream that rips its way out of you, and Jake’s hands tighten around your wrist in comfort. Moments later the hot pain ripples off into sweet ecstasy, his venom flooding through your veins, leaving you dazed and on cloud nine. He finally pulls himself off your neck, and with your hazy eyes you see his satisfied grin as his fangs flash, covered in blood. 

Your head spins in confusion as you try to piece together what's happening, but primal desire wars itself against the fear trying to clock itself in your head. Jake just smiles down at you, raking his gaze over your body, drunk on the first taste of his indiscretion. 

“You’re so fucking sweet, it’s taking everything in me not to drain you.” He gives you another gentle kiss, and every time the heat of his touch dances across your skin, you see stars behind your eyes. His fingers press into your soaked panties, eliciting a loud moan from you as he rubs the thin fabric, friction rubbing against your most sensitive spots. The blood loss and the venom from his fangs make everything feel loose, like a dream that will shatter with one tap of the glass. Jake loves seeing you this disarmed, knowing how easily you catch him off guard on the daily. It was a dance he’d done with you so many times before—even if you didn’t know it. He could always pick you up at the corners of his periphery, trying to analyze him, break him down, see past the curtain when you thought he wasn’t paying attention, but he always was. He could just never let you in. Truth be told, he had been wanting to come clean about his secret for a while, he just didn’t know how to approach it. He had wondered if you would be scared, if you would leave and call him a liar. Earlier he had been building up the courage to stick to his guns, that this time, he’d let you stay with the truth in the morning light. In this moment, though, he wanted to keep you by his side forever. 

He sits back on his thighs and gently removes the soaked fabric of your panties. His fingers easily slip across your soaked folds, your arousal already trickling down your thighs. He leans down to give you a quick kiss, clearly already pleased with himself. He catches your whine in his mouth, the heat and tightness in your stomach and between your legs rising. He gently soothes you with two of his fingers pumping in and out of your cunt, the sound of the wet squelches filling the room as you’re practically spilling over with arousal, so wet your entire pussy is absolutely slicked in it.

“It’s too much, it’s too much!” You whimper, feeling dangerous close to tipping over the ledge.

“It’s okay pretty girl, you’re doing so good for me. Just let yourself feel good.” He works his fingers harder and faster, pressing into the sweet spot deep within you as he hovers over you. You start to shake, labored pants escaping you, and it only urges him along faster as he rubs your clit with his thumb. You feel the heat rise between your legs, the tightness in your stomach hitting a breaking point in its tension. Your hands yank against the hold of the tie and you cry out “J-Jayeun!” as you cum all over his hand, eyes rolling back as adrenaline rushes through your body. 

Jake can’t help the breathy, flustered, laugh that escapes his mouth as you use his other name, and he keeps rubbing even as you cum, making your hips buck as the pleasure rises, the first tide of it dragging you under.

“That’s right, ride it out my love, ride it out baby girl,” he coos at you, until you’ve collapsed down into the sheets. He pulls his hands away finally and then sucks on his fingers, lapping up every last drop of you, mixing your cum and blood in his mouth, making more of a mess of himself.

“Shit. Every part of you is just a delicacy,” he whispers as he goes in again at your neck. Just one taste isn’t enough for him, he wants all of you—every last drop, every last vein. He wants to taste you from your neck down to your thighs, to rip through muscle and bone, and if he could consume your soul, he’d be hungry for it too. 

You’re already wiped from the first orgasm, that when his fangs sink into the bruised flesh of your neck, it takes a moment to register the pain. You cry out again, and he holds you tight to his body, even as your hands flex and writhe trying to get free. But again, the familiar heat of the venom easing its way into pleasure starts to override you, and you lose your struggle. Jake sinks his fangs in a bit deeper, and you feel him breathing heavily against you. His erection presses against you, digging into you through the fabric of his slacks. You let out a soft pained moan and he quickly rips himself off. 

“Shit, I’m sorry, you’re just— oh shit.” He presses a gentle kiss to the wound, where blood trickles down the side of your neck. “Are you okay, Y/N?” He asks frantically. Your eyes flutter and you look at him through your droopy lids. 

“Mmhm…want more..want you,” you mumble. He stare at you a bit bewildered, before breaking off into a relieved laugh. “You want more?” 

You nod, each movement making you dizzy. “I want you,” you say again. 

“Me?” He pretends to be shocked, but he’s already undoing his pants. His boxers are already stained with his precum and he wastes no time in getting them off his body, discarding them to some corner of the room, before leaning down over you and peppering your face with kisses. 

“I promise, I’ll take such good care of you,” he whispers into your ear before nipping at the lobe.

His mind flashes back to when you two had first met. It had been through a mutual friend, and at first he had been uncertain. Of course loneliness had pervaded every corner of his existence, the kind of partnership he sought was just a phantom of a memory. He had always blurred the lines of love and desire, lust and romance. It always ended catastrophically-pitchfork and curses and stakes, and his own broken heart to mend over and over again. Jake knew that getting his hopes up like that would just end in crushed desires, fantasies desecrated to ash. And then you came along. You with your perfect hair, and your perfect smile, and your perfect laugh. You would make a witty comment, the kind of snark that cuts through stone, followed with a blush and a shy smile because you always worried you took it too far when you blurted out something before you could reel it in. You, who despite your tough girl act, was the softest soul he had met, always making room in her heart for another person in need of a friend. You who took his own battered heart into her hands, and grew a home with him. You with never evening passion and life. You, who, when he asked about your past loves, had said you didn’t know if you had ever felt true love before. And you, who when he had asked what you wanted in a relationship, gave him a wry smile and a kiss before whispering into his ear “Obsession.” And so obsession he had given you, obsession that had fostered itself as a spark in him and blossomed into a raging fire that consumed him day and night. Obsession that he had planted in you with every kiss and every bite.

Jake leans up and slowly, luxuriating the taste, he sings his fangs into your wrist. You buck underneath him and he squeezes his legs against you, his veiny cock pressing hard against your abdomen, leaking precum all over your bare skin. He drops down and presses a kiss to your forehead, your nose, and a soft one to your lips, your chin, and the center of your throat, before he drags his tongue down the base of your throat. He keeps going, across your chest, and circles your nipples, nipping and sucking at them until they’re peaked and you think you’ll orgasm right there. But each wave of pleasure is cut through with the searing fire as he sinks his fangs into the side side of each breast. He goes lower, placing his hands under your lower back as he grips you tight and slides his lips down your stomach, and down to the wet and heated mess between your legs. His tongue slides just past where you want relief the most, and it stops at the most sensitive part of your thigh, exactly where it meets your hip. He presses soft kisses to your skin, his strong hands coming down to keep your legs spread as he so sweetly licks the left one, priming it before he bites at it. You wail out his name, and the sounds of agony only make him harder. He does the same to your right leg, holding the other leg tightly so you don’t try to shut them. He doesn’t stop until the intoxicating scent of your blood, rust to you, and like golden nectar to him, has engulfed him entirely. The dark red streams of it run freely from every one of the punctures down your body, like you’re a sacrificial lamb left at his altar. Jake looks up at you and a primal growl escapes him. He can’t help but be turned on by the way you shake and tremble, arousal, pain, fear, desperation all mingling in a sweet scent that makes him want to lose control. Your blood pumps strong and hard through his veins, he’s drank enough of it that it’s more human blood than he’s had all year. His humanity starts to crumble to the predator that lies in slumber deep within him. He needs you, to own you, to make sure you are his, and the only thought in your brain, the only words on your tongue, morning, noon, and night are Jake Sim. 

Tears stream down your face, and in comfort, he kisses your clit, licking and sucking your core, while his hands gently massage your breasts pausing as he roughly pinches and grabs at your nipples. You moan and throw your head back, body aching for Jake to be on every single cell of your skin. His tongue slips inside you, sliding around the warm walls of your center, and your legs lock around his head, the frame of the bed creaking as you pull at your bonds. Jake takes his time, even though he wants to see the instant gratification of you orgasming now. Every sound from you is music, and every drop of your arousal hitting his tongue as he moves his mouth around your slit nearly spurs him into a frenzy. His fingers start to work slow, sadistic circles at your clit while he snakes his tongue in around your slit. Jake lets out a feral groan as he works his way through you and is met with you grinding his hips against his lips and tongue, trying to get him deeper in you. He can’t stop, wanting all of you and as you lean into him it makes him want to go insane. Jake’s hands snake under your thighs, forcing you open wider as he laps at you harder, angling his head so his tongue can hit the golden spot deep within you.  You jerk under his touch, unable to reach for him as your wrists are still firmly tied about you. He’s so fucking hard he can’t take it. He ruts into the bed, desperate for pleasure, but trying to hold out for you as long as he can. He wants to feel your pussy closing down around his cock, tight and warm. He wants to pound into you so hard you can’t make any noise except those desperate little mewls completely submitted to him.He’s been too greedy tonight and already taken more than his fair share of your blood, but he wants to draw this out of you for as long as possible, to coax out orgasm after orgasm, until you’re nothing but a fucked out, droopy mess. 

“F-Fuck, Jake, please, please, please, please,” you blubber out. You can practically feel the blood pounding through every single one of your veins as you fuck yourself harder against him. 

He pulls back, licking his lips, eyes gleaming. 

“Please what?” He hums knowing how close he is to breaking you and relishing it. He’s dreamt about this moment for so long. About what it would feel like to let go of all faculties and ravish you like the monster he is. 

“Please I want you to fuck me,” you gasp out, trying to suck in air as the dizzying rush of his tongue subsides. You’re drunk on the way he feels against every part of you, and every second he isn’t on you or in you is agony—even though every second he is makes you feel like you’re going to explode. 

“Say my name,” Jake says roughy, going back for a stream of light and soft kisses at your inner thigh that nearly makes your eyes roll back into your head. You try to compose yourself enough to speak, but the words keep dying on your tongue. 

“Say my name and I’ll fuck you,” he teases gently pressing his lips to each of the bite wounds on your thigh. 

“J…Jake please! Jake please I’ll do anything,” you scream. He presses one last rough, messy kiss to your slit, smiling through it with satisfaction as he laps up as much of you as he can.

“Good girl,” he croons before pulling up and pressing a kiss to your lips. He takes his cock in his hand and positions it, although he’s already soaked with precum, he rubs it along your center before sliding in. 

“Shit!” He groans, at the same time as you let out a breathy “Fuck!” His arms come down on either side of your head, as he gasps pathetically. You’re so warm for him, you fit so perfectly around his cock, he could stay like this forever. The rush of it all goes to his head and Jake almost loses it then and there. He starts to move back and forth, gently at first, giving you a moment to adjust, but you start roll your hips against his and the friction makes him let out a guttural sound. 

“You’re desperate aren’t you?” Jake rasps into your ear, burying his face in neck for a few moments, before he needs to pull back. He can't have this over yet. On the way back, he ghosts his lips down your collarbone and chest, before closing his lips on one of your already erect nipples and sucking on it, taking a moment to lap up some of the remaining blood from his previous bite. He sits back up, watching you squirm with the tease, and lifts a leg of yours over his shoulder, and then slides  one of the pillows under your lower back. Jake starts to move faster, harder, deeper. You can feel him bottoming you out, and you swear you’ve never felt this full in your life as your body gets pushed down into the soft comfort of the pillow. He looks down at you, and presses a hand to your stomach, grinning to himself where he can see the bulge of his cock thrusting into you. He speeds up again, entranced by how fully he’s overtaken you.

“Fuck you’re taking this so well, princess” he pants, and you can only manage erratic huffs and whines beneath him, feeling him pressing up and into your center. Every time he rams into you, you feel it in every cell of your body, rattling your brain in your skull, every muscle and bone and sinew practically pulling itself apart. It’s overstimulating, it’s overpowering, and it’s glorious. Jake takes your other leg and puts it over his other shoulder as well, holding your legs in place with a gentle hand around your shins,  and the sound you make as the new angle hits the perfect spot is practically animalistic. A sly smirk splits itself across’s Jakes face as he looks down you, huffing as he doesn’t stop rolling his hips. 

“Oh there it is, isn’t it?” He teases before lowers one of his hands and starting to rub circles on your clit without breaking his pace. 

“It— mmm, fu—ahh!” You try to piece something together, but your eyes have already started to glaze over as you get cock drunk on the sensation. Jake throughs his head back and lets out an airy laugh. He loves nothing more than the sight of your pleasure, and getting you off is a drug to him. 

“D’ya think you can cum? Come on baby girl,” He urges, almost pleading. “Cum for me,” his voice sounds so distant yet like it’s right up beside you at the same time. The second orgasm is slower and deeper, being pulled out of you like a thread unspooling. You feel it in your head first, before it flutters down through you stomach, and you arch your back, mouth open in an “o”, and for a moment you lose all sense of time. As the stars rearranged themselves in your eyes and you felt the euphoric unravel of the knot inside you, you wonder how many times you could relive the first sin, if it meant staying in this heaven forever. Jake’s eyes nearly roll back into his head as he feels you clenching and shuddering around his cock combined with the prettiest face he could ever dream of you making. He throws a hand forward against the headboard to steady himself, breathing heavily as you come down from your high.

“Fuck, Y/N. You don’t eve know what you’re doing to me right now.” He whispers hoarsely, and you’re too fucked out to even process what’s happening, only knowing that your body aches for him, for him to stay near you, on you, in you.

He reaches up and easily undoes your binds, You gasp, too weak to move as your arms collapse beside you, the silk tie fluttering to the side, but you don’t have a moment of reprieve as he flips you over and begins to ruthlessly pound into you from behind. He has an arm wrapped around your front, holding your bloodied neck against his forearm, while the other steadies itself against your lower back. You let out an incoherent cry as you feel the full force of his length deep inside you. Your hands grip the silk of the sheets hard enough that your knuckles are white, and your vision starts to twin and blur at each impact. 

“Jake…Jake…Jake!” You cry out, your body starting to crumple beneath him.  The sound of wet skin slapping into each other fills the room. Jake watches with a hunger as his dick slides in you, savoring every time he sees his length pull out and slam right back into your sopping cunt. It’s so pink and puffy,  just begging to take more and more of him. He moves his arm from your throat, and wraps your silky hair around his fingers, pulling your head back as he tangles his knuckles in your strands. You arch back, looking up at the ceiling, as your body is shoved forward with every single pound of his hips. You can feel him start to get close, that hum of tightening muscles and carnal desires reaching its peak until there is no you and him, just pleasure intertwining you both. 

“Flip—me over—baby,” you manage in between his cock ramming into you. “I wanna look at you when you—“ You don’t get to finish the sentence, as he wastes no time in fulfilling your ask. He’d do anything you say, it didn’t matter how you asked. He pulls out just long enough to flip you over, and that brief moment of separation is agony, right before he inserts himself back in. You reach up, and lace your hands through his hair, pulling him down into a messy kiss, catching each other whimpers and moans in your mouth. You move your body with his, bringing your legs up to lock them around his legs, and you squeeze your knees around his sides. He whimpers, brain short-circuiting as he feels you force yourself even tighter down around him, your cunt practically squeezing around his cock,  not a single inch of your skin not pressed together. It’s the final nudge he needs to let himself go. 

“Oh fuck Y/N, Oh fuck baby, I’m gonna—“ He break off in a shudder, as he finally lets himself have his release. His hands come crashing down on either side of your face as he falls down on you, pressing his face into your chest, as his body shakes and twitches, cum spilling out of your hole as he fills you up. You hold him tight, nails digging into his bag, as you feel inside you the way his body practically vibrates with it. This was the sermon and the worship, and you think that you could love this god of a man forever.

Jake stays there for a minute or two, letting the sound of your rapid heartbeat calm his heavy breathing down. 

“Mmm, fuck,” he whispers. “I’ve made an absolute mess of you. I’m so sorry, I was too rough, wasn’t I? “S’okay,” you mumble back, your words starting to slur together as the exertion of the night is settling into your bones. 

“Let me clean you up,” he says softly, and pulls out. He gently sweeps your hair from your eyes and presses a kiss to your forehead. The high of it all has started to wear down leaving nothing but a buzz in the back of his head. When Jake looks at you, part of him still yearns for more, but he knows it’s the blood talking. 

“Don’t go,” you whisper, still in that post coital haze. 

“I’m not going anywhere,” Jake reassures as you presses a soft kiss to your lips, and though he knows he’s comforting you in the moment, he’s making a promise to himself. “I’ll be right back okay? Don’t fall asleep.” Jake quietly pads off to the bathroom, where he starts to run the water in the tub until it’s warm enough. He comes back, and scoops you up in his arms. You cling to his neck, resting your head against his chest, until he gently lowers you into tub. The warm soapy water feels heavenly against your aching muscles and bloodied skin, and you let the water soothe your tired body. Jake kneels down next to you, and he takes a wash cloth, gently wiping off the blood from your bruised skin. He looks up at you through his thick lashes, lips pursed together as examine you for any sign of anger or a deeper sign of hurt. 

“You’re lying to me,” You mumble as you slowly come back to yourself. Jakes blood runs cold, as he realizes the ruse is falling through. He swallows, hard. This was the truth he had been promising for weeks—no months now, that he would confess to you. Would you say it? Those damning words? And harder still, would he own up to their truth? 

“Lying?” He asks softly. 

“I don’t feel right, Jake” you whisper, looking up at the lights in the bathroom, focusing on them to keep yourself present.  His stomach sinks. His venom is slowly wearing off at this point, and he knows if he tells you the truth now, you’d remember it in the morning. 

“I was too rough with you, I’m sorry,” he says in a tight voice, the emotions all bubbling up.  

“No that’s not what I meant,” you say slowly. The truth is right there, dancing at the tip of your tongue, you just need to find the right way to piece the puzzle together. 

“No I…I know,” Jake says haltingly. He avoids your gaze, knowing if he meets you eye to eye he won’t be able to swallow the truth. “It’s not what you think though, I just…I can’t lose you, okay Y/N? I don’t think I can do this without you.”  You tilt your head, your stomach starting to knot itself together.

“I won’t be going anywhere,” you gently try to reassure him. “But I just…that didn’t seem like…you.” 

Jake sighs and closing his eyes, setting the washcloth down as he grips the edge of the tub har enough that his knuckles go white. 

“You don’t know that,” he says hoarsely. He’s supposed to be a shell of a human, a monster masquerading as some sentient being, but this love has unravelled him, and without you holding the threads of himself together, he doesn’t know if he can pull himself tight again.  He’s never felt so human as when he’s with you, and after centuries, he forgot the way that love had always consumed him, the way that he sometimes didn’t know how to hold space for himself because he had always filled himself up with love for everyone else. 

“This isn’t the conversation to have right now, but I promise I won’t let anything ever happen to you,” Jake says softly, unable to form the words he needs to say in the moment. He feels your hand sliding under his chin, tipping his head up so he’s forced to look at you. There’s a look he doesn’t recognize in your eyes, one that makes him feel like a stake is being driven through his heart. 

“Jake, baby,” You say your voice cracking. “I can’t keep playing this game with you. Please. I want the truth, so I can work around it with you.” 

Jake closes his eyes, pulling his head away.  It’s hurt in your eyes. It’s hurt and longing and love. The look of somebody who’s asking you to keep them with you, of somebody who realizes that the person they love and trust most in the world doesn’t feel the same for you. He thinks that if he could cry right now he would. What has he done? He’s beyond teetering at the ledge, he’s dived head first off this cliff, and he’s scrambling for a foothold right now. 

“Okay,” Jake promises. “I’ll tell you everything in the morning. I swear it Y/N. Just…give me tonight, yeah? It’s a lot.” You sigh, lowering your head, and the droning in your head starts to overpower the semblance of focus you had pulled together right now. 

“Fine.” You agree, but the anxiety of whatever waters you had waded into had started to rise. Jake finishes washing you up in silence, gently massaging your shoulders and arms, and when he’s done he drains the tub and wraps you up in a clean towel. He disappears for a moment and comes back with clean pajamas, helping you shimmy into them before picking you back up here and gently laying you back down on the bed, wrapping the blanket around you.  He goes around to the other side of the bed and settles himself in, drawing you close to this chest, and setting his chin on your head as he wraps his arms around you, anchoring himself to you. 

“We aren’t done here,” You say with a tired glance up at him. “I won’t let you forget this,” you say trying to muster the most stubborn tone you can. 

“Tomorrow,” he promises with a soft kiss to your forehead. “Just sleep for now.” 

And you’re not sure if you can believe him, or if his words are coated in sugar white lies, but you’re too exhausted to argue, so you let yourself be carried under his warm touch to the comforting folds of sleep. Jake looked down at you, already snoring softly curled up in his arms against his chest. He forced his heart to beat every time you were together like this, forced himself to maintain the illusion that he was alive just like you, no matter how much it exhausted him. You looked so angelic  even if you looked so frail after the night. He leaned in, pressing a kiss to the top of your head, breathing in your familiar scent. He had memorized every line on your face, every place where the corners of your mouth wrinkled when you smiled, and the way your nose scrunched when you laugh. He memorized the map of your veins, the path of your freckles, the secrets you whispered in his ear at night and blurted out in the car, every single way you’ve ever given yourself to him. And he hates himself for not being able to give all of himself to you.  He couldn’t bear to lose this. Not again. So Jake leaned down and whispered in your ear,

“I’m so sorry my love.” 

And bit you ever so gently at your neck. Your squirm in your sleep, but it lasts for a moment as you go still in his arms, the wound closing as he ran his tongue over it. 

“Forget the truth of tonight,” He whispers into your ear, a command spoken somewhere from deeper within him, a darker more ancient place. Immediately, the knot between your brows smooths out, your lips curling up in a peaceful smile as the magic takes hold. 

Tomorrow, Jake promises himself as he rubs a hand over his face. Tomorrow, I’ll tell her the truth. And thus the dance begins again. For tomorrow, and tomorrow’s tomorrow, and the tomorrow after that, as many eternities as he could have.

[bulbasaursim]

Okay but listen.... the jungwon part of the blurb where they call the reader noona, the one where he's an intern in an office - a masterpiece. Literal work of art. Please, for the love of God, consider writing something like that some time bc it's absolutely divine❤️

WORK FOR IT, ⋆｡°✩ 𓈒𓈒 I miss you.

𖥔 PRECIS. In which, the very popular office intern, has had enough of your teasing. PAIRING. office intern!jungwon x office siren!reader GENRE. fluff, suggestive WARNINGS. skinship, mild kissing

authors note ୨୧ I feel like a genie! Your wish is my command, engene. 💕

─────────

The hum of the copier filled the print room as you busied yourself, hands deftly arranging papers into neat stacks. The door clicked open and shut behind you, but you didn’t need to turn to know who it was.

“Noona~” came the familiar, honeyed voice.

“Good morning, Wonnie,” you replied smoothly, your tone teasing, as if you hadn’t noticed his obvious stares all morning.

Before you could fully process, warm, surprisingly strong arms wrapped around your waist, pulling you back against a firm chest. You froze only for a second as the scent of apples and fresh linen surrounded you. His lips brushed against your neck, soft and fleeting, sending an involuntary shiver through you.

“Jungwon~ that tickles, honey,” you laughed breathily, attempting to keep your composure as his hold tightened slightly.

He let out a low whine, his head burying into your shoulder. Then, he shifted, and you braced yourself on the counter when his hips pressed insistently against you. His hands slid down to rest on your hips, holding you in place.

“Jungwon—what has gotten into you?” you asked, giggling as you twisted to face him, your back now pressed against the counter.

Jungwon’s face was flushed, his glasses slightly askew, and his ears burned bright red. His lips were pressed into a pout, but his eyes gleamed with something bold and unrelenting.

“Noona…” he breathed out, his arms on either side of you now, effectively caging you in.

His voice was a mix of frustration and yearning. “I miss you. You’ve been avoiding me all day.”

Your lips quirked up in amusement, but he barreled on, his gaze locking onto yours, his cheeks impossibly red.

“You were eyeing me in this morning’s meeting, rubbing your heel along my leg, then leaving as soon as it ended. Then, you didn’t even drink the coffee I made you. And after that—” His voice dropped slightly, his frustration slipping into something almost pleading. “—you left with Sunghoon for lunch, and now…” His voice cracked slightly as he leaned closer, his lips brushing the shell of your ear.

“Noona, you’re driving me crazy.”

You chuckled softly, uncrossing your arms to reach up and fix his glasses with delicate fingers. His gaze flickered down to your lips as you pecked his softly.

“Wonnie… shhh,” you whispered, glancing toward the blind-covered window. The last thing either of you needed was someone catching this little rendezvous.

But as you leaned back in to kiss him again, Jungwon snapped. His hand cupped the back of your head as he deepened the kiss, the sudden intensity stealing the air from your lungs. The dominance in his movements shocked you—he wasn’t holding back anymore.

“Jungwon,” you gasped when he pulled back, only for his lips to find your jawline, trailing heated kisses down your neck.

“Noona,” he whispered between kisses, his tone a mix of desperation and satisfaction. “Don’t avoid me again… Please.”

You swallowed hard, heat rushing to your cheeks as you gripped his shoulders. “Okay, okay, I won’t,” you managed, voice breathless.

The printer beeped behind you, a sharp reminder of where you were, but the way Jungwon looked at you—lips swollen, eyes dark with desire—made you forget anyone else existed.

[bulbasaursim]

CHARMED BY HER, ⋆｡°✩ 𓈒𓈒 girls to women

𖥔 PRECIS. In which they suddenly call you “noona” PAIRING. younger bf!enha x older gf!reader GENRE. fluff WARNINGS. skinship, mild kissing, very mild age gaps

authors note ୨୧ Something about the way I wrote Ni-ki… Someone cooked here. 🍷

────────

HEESEUNG

Heeseung leaned against his car, his eyes scanning the bustling crowd outside the cinema, but there was only one person he was waiting for. In his hand, he held a bouquet of roses, but his mind was entirely on you.

He’d always loved that you were older.

There was something about the way you carried yourself, with a confidence and grace that only came with time, that drove him wild. He took pride in knowing that, younger or not, he could handle a woman like you.

When you finally stepped out, arm-in-arm with your friends, his heart skipped a beat. You were stunning, the kind of stunning that made heads turn and conversations pause. But Heeseung didn’t care about anyone else’s gaze. The way you looked at him, with that knowing smile, was enough to make him feel like the luckiest guy in the world.

You caught sight of him across the street, and Heeseung couldn’t help but smirk. Clad in all black with silver accents, he knew he looked good, but what thrilled him more was knowing that you appreciated it. He was obsessed with everything about you—the way you walked, the way you talked, the way you dressed. There was a maturity to you that he admired.

As you said quick goodbyes to your friends, your heels clicked against the pavement as you made your way to him. Heeseung’s eyes never left you, drinking in the sight of your swaying hips, the way your hair caught in the evening breeze, the way the city lights reflected in your eyes. By the time you reached him, he was already lost in you.

Without thinking, he pulled you into his arms, lifting you off the ground and spinning you around. The way you laughed, so freely and joyously, made his heart soar. As he set you down, he captured your lips in a slow, sweet kiss that spoke volumes. It wasn’t just about the moment; it was about everything you were to him—how much he adored you, how proud he was to be the man who could keep up with you, who could make you feel like the incredible woman you were.

When he pulled away, his lips brushed against yours as he whispered, “You look so pretty, noona…~”

You felt your knees grow weak.

The way he said it, with that mix of sweetness and something deeper, more possessive, sent shivers down your spine. He knew exactly how to push your buttons, how to make you feel desired in a way that no one else could. It caught you entirely off-guard

You peered up at him, your playful persona melting as you giggled, like a girl in high school all over again.

“N-noona…? Since when do you—”

But Heeseung silenced you with another kiss, more urgent this time, before taking your hand and pulling you along.

His smile was teasing and there was no denying the faint blush across his cheeks, but his grip was firm, reassuring. “We can’t be late for dinner.”

And just like that, you were swept away into the night, feeling every bit the woman Heeseung loved to cherish.

JAY

Jay had never forgotten the first time he saw you—sitting alone at a bar, perched on a high-top chair. Your slender legs were elegantly crossed, and your manicured fingernails traced the rim of your martini glass with a casual grace.

There was something about you that caught his eye, something more mature and refined than the younger girls he was used to. You exuded a confidence and sophistication that intrigued him.

Summoning his courage, he approached you, his heart pounding with a mix of excitement and nerves. To his delight, you turned out to be even more captivating than he’d imagined—sexy, intelligent, and witty.

That night marked the beginning of something new for Jay, something thrilling.

Now, here you were, sitting on his kitchen counter, wine glass in hand, chatting about your day at the floral shop you owned—a detail that Jay found irresistibly charming.

As he sautéed the ingredients for your dinner, the sizzling aroma filled the air. He glanced over at you, admiring the way you effortlessly combined elegance with warmth.

He lifted a piece of perfectly cooked meat from the pan and held it out to you between silver chopsticks, his lips curving into a soft smile.

“Careful, noona… it’s hot.” he murmured, as your plump lips parted to take a bite.

He didn’t even realize he had added “Noona” somewhere in there until he saw the way you paused, a blush creeping up your cheeks.

“Did you just call me… Noona?” you asked, your eyes widening in surprise.

Jay’s own face flushed as he quickly realized what he had said.

“I… uh, yes,” he stammered, then repeated it more confidently, though still with a hint of shyness.

Your response was a tender smile as you slipped off the counter, moving toward him with a graceful stride. Leaning in, you pressed a soft kiss to his cheek, your breath warm against his skin.

“I liked that.” You purred, hugging him behind.

Jay’s heart fluttered at the affectionate gesture, and he couldn’t help but smile back at you, feeling a deep sense of contentment in the moment you shared.

JAKE

Jake sat across from you, biting his lip in focus as he eyed the cards in his hand, but even with all his effort, you were winning—again, for the fifth time in a row.

When you confidently laid down your last card, a giggle escaped your lips as Jake groaned dramatically, burying his face into the pillows.

“How are you so good?!” he whined, voice muffled by the fabric.

You couldn’t help but crawl across the couch, rubbing his back gently and ruffling his hair.

“Jake~ it’s okay, baby… this just isn’t your game.”

He lifted his head just enough to shoot you a playful glare. “Now you’re teasing!”

You laughed, shaking your head. "I’m just being honest… we can’t be good at everything."

Jake huffed and pouted, crossing his arms. "Noona, are you cheating?!"

You blinked, raising a brow. "Noona?"

You had always teased Jake about being older, about how he liked older woman. The boys called it mommy issues. And well, he had always jokingly called you mommy… but Noona? It had a lovely ring to it.

His eyes widened in realization, and he quickly pulled his hoodie down over his eyes. “I meant—your name! I meant to say (Y/N), are you cheat…”

His voice trailed off as you broke into laughter, and before you knew it, he sighed and tugged you down into a tight bear hug, his face nestled against you.

"Ugh, you’re impossible."

SUNGHOON

Sunghoon couldn’t help but admire you from his spot in the nearby chair, leaning back with his arms folded as his eyes trailed over your focused expression. The moment he met you at that art exhibit—before knowing the pieces were yours—he had been drawn to you.

And now, watching you with your glasses pushed up on your nose, hair messily tied in a bun, eyes steady on your work, he couldn’t help but think how beautiful you looked.

But as much as he loved seeing you so absorbed, he was starting to get a little jealous. You had been working for hours, and while he knew how much it meant to you, he wanted your attention. He placed a hand on your thigh, giving it a gentle squeeze.

"Y/N…" he muttered, his voice laced with longing.

You hummed in response, still not looking up from your work, and he huffed, sounding adorably impatient.

"Can we take a break?" he asked, almost pleading.

“I’m almost finished, Hoon… be patient,” you replied with a raised brow, not bothering to look up.

He pouted, pulling away like a child who had just been scolded, fiddling with the fabric of your shirt. His fingers curled nervously, and he let out a quiet whine.

“Mm… noona…” His cheeks flushed as the word slipped out, and you immediately stilled, the playful smile tugging at your lips as you turned to him.

“Yes, Sunghoon?” you asked with a knowing smirk. He dropped his head in defeat, and you couldn’t help but giggle softly.

"Okay, okay," you said with a laugh, starting to pack up your things, your work finally getting the break Sunghoon had been waiting for.

SUNOO

It was the two of you’s day off, and you thought it’d be nice to go shopping with your boyfriend! After you picked out a few things, Sunoo had insisted you help him pick out some items.

Sunoo admired himself in the mirror, tugging lightly at the silky dress shirt you’d picked out for him.

As you stood behind him, you cooed, “You look so handsome… and cute too.”

He giggled, his face tinged with pink, but still tried to keep a serious gaze on his reflection.

“You really think so?” he asked, fighting back more giggles as he examined himself.

You nodded, teasing him just a bit more before he hurried off to the dressing room to try on the next piece.

When he came back out in a soft crimson sweater, you snuck up behind him and wrapped your arms around his waist, your chin resting lightly on his shoulder.

“You look so good,” you whispered sweetly. Sunoo tried to focus on his reflection, but you could feel him stiffen slightly at how close you were being.

You were being so cute!

Your big eyes peering over his shoulder at him in the reflexion of the shop’s mirror. It was completely different from the professional persona he sees you in at the cafe you both worked at, you being older than him, and his manager.

Finally, he slipped on a pretty knitted cardigan and came out of the dressing room. You smiled, stepping behind him again, and this time, you let your hands slide under the soft fabric, resting on his waist.

His blush deepened as you stepped up on your tip toes a bit and kissed the little spot behind his ear, humming softly against his skin.

“Do you like this one?” He asked, voice playful and a little nervous.

“Mhm~” you hummed in response, planting another kiss on his cheek.

He flushed even more, finally stammering, as he shied away, and without thinking, a soft murmur slipped past his lips.

“N-noona… that tickles~” You froze, wondering if you had heard him properly before a smirk tugged at your lips.

“Noona, huh?” you teased, watching as his eyes widened.

“I didn’t- that’s not what I said!”

His blush deepened, and without another word, he quickly hid back in the dressing room, leaving you laughing softly as you waited for him to come out again.

JUNGWON

The office buzzed with its usual energy, but today, something felt different.

Jungwon, a young intern from the university that everyone admired for his professional charm and leadership skills, not to mention good looks to match, was walking toward your desk.

It was no secret that Jungwon had a bit of a soft-spot for you. Making sure to pass by your desk everyday with a bright-eyed good morning and a coffee, walking you to your car at the end of the day, even staying late to help you with extra work loads from your boss.

Jungwon was a sweetheart, and maybe you too admired him just a little more than a co-worker should, but he was still in college! As he neared your desk, Your colleagues scattered in giggles as he approached, their whispers filling the air.

You were labeled as the office siren, known for your flirtatious demeanor and the constant playful glint in your eyes, just like right now, as you leaned up happily watching Jungwon set a cup of coffee in front of you— just the way you liked it.

“Good morning,” he smiled, his cheeks tinged with pink. You smiled back, amused by his bashfulness.

“Morning, Wonnie,” you replied teasingly, enjoying the way his name rolled off your tongue.

You couldn’t help but notice the way he watched you tugged your pencil skirt down to better cover your thighs, before you crossed your legs and sat up properly.

As you chatted back and forth, you noticed his nerves slowly melting away, from the way he tugged gently at his tie to when he raked a hand through his neatly styled locks. But then, as Jungwon slipped in a shy, yet flirty remark you decided to test the waters.

“Aren’t I a little too old for you, Wonnie?” You hummed softly, tilting your head.

Just as you finished, Jungwon took off his glasses, shaking his head as his gaze locked with yours in a way that sent your heart racing. The shy boy you knew had vanished, replaced by someone far more confident, more daring.

“Are you interested in someone?” he asked, his voice dropping to a low murmur.

“I… N-no, but—”, you began and he tilted his head.

“I’m a younger guy with rhythm, isn’t that better?”

You opened your mouth to respond, but the words wouldn’t come out. Jungwon leaned in, his breath warm against your ear.

“Noona… I think you need someone with lots of energy,” he purred, a playful pout on his lips.

“I can keep up, don’t you think?”

The world seemed to spin as you tried to process his sudden transformation. Just then, your team lead started making rounds, and Jungwon quickly straightened up, slipping his glasses back on with a formal bow.

“Have a great day,” he said with a polite smile, but not before sending you a cheeky wink that left you absolutely flustered.

As he walked away, back to his nerdy, professional self, you couldn’t help but stare after him, stunned and wondering what on earth had just happened.

NI-KI

Even before you and Ni-ki started dating, you had an ongoing joke. He'd tease you about being older, and you'd playfully scold him for not respecting you as his elder. But there was one thing Ni-ki always refused to do— call you "Noona."

He insisted he wanted you to see him as a man. But today, things were different.

You slowly blinked awake from your usual mid-day nap, noticing how warm Ni-ki's arms were around you. Carefully, you pried yourself from his hold and stood up, stretching your arms with a soft yawn.

But before you could fully wake up, you heard Ni-ki stir behind you, his deep groan filling the quiet room. You turned to see him sitting up, rubbing his sleepy eyes, his bangs messy and falling into them.

He looked beautiful like this—puffy-eyed, pouty-lipped, and a little grumpy from being woken up.

"You were so warm..." he muttered, his voice still thick with sleep.

A smile tugged at your lips as you sat on the edge of the bed. "Ni-ki, we can't sleep the whole day away."

"Just a bit longer... please...?" he mumbled, eyes barely open. Then, in a voice softer than usual, he added, "Come back to bed, noona."

Your heart skipped a beat, surprised by the word you thought you'd never hear from him.

"You called me noona just now..." you teased, leaning closer.

He hummed in response, already halfway back to sleep.

"One more time?" you whispered, knowing his answer before he even spoke.

"No..." he yawned, pulling you back down into his arms.

You sighed softly, smiling to yourself as you snuggled against his chest, your eyes drifting closed again.

[bulbasaursim]

🌹𓆩⚝𓆪 touch me the right way, baby

notes: based off of this ask

-- you're giving your boyfriend a handjob when he suddenly slips out a little word.

18+ | heeseung x older!fem!reader | wc: 1.2k | masterlist | ft. jay as a roommate

warnings: language, kissing, noona kink, subby heeseung, age gap (reader is two years older than hee), handjob, a bit of edging

****

you and your boyfriend were making out on his bed, his roommate jay was just in the other room.

he was sitting up against the headboard with you straddling his lap.

hot breaths, slick mouths and quiet whines or groans were what filled the room.

your hands already tangled in his hair, you grind down on him. everything was too much now, you needed him.

heeseung lets out a breathy moan, hands falling to your hips. "b-baby," you bring your hands under his shirt, running it along his skin.

"hm?" you use your nails now, scratching him just the right amount, you could feel him jump under your hands.

"i n-need you, right now," he whispers, afraid of his roommate hearing him, "please?"

and oh, how could you say no? with his pretty brown eyes speaking louder than his words.

you move off of him, sliding your shirt, then your pants. leaving you in your undergarments.

heeseung did the same, but took off his underwear.

"hee, can you lie down for me?" you asked, scooching a bit closer to him now.

he nodded his head, and laid with his head on the pillows.

you gave little kisses to him on his neck, moving from there to giving harsher kisses on his collarbone. and once you got to his chest, you sucked dark marks onto him. feeling his chest heave under your lips and his whines that he is doing a terrible job at suppressing.

you ran a finger over his tip, feeling him shudder under you. moving your lips to his nipple now.

you played with his tip until you felt a hand of his grab your waist.

"pl-please, y/n, don't tease me. I-I haven't even done anything wrong." he pleaded, he didn't want to just feel this, he wanted more. he wanted anything more. your hand, your mouth, fuck, even your thighs would do.

you giggled on his chest. your tongue circling his nipple. you felt his chest lean into you, just a bit.

moving away from his chest now, you sat up straight. you waited a few seconds before spitting right down onto his cock. he moaned at the feeling of your warm, but cold, saliva.

you pumped him slowly at first, wanting him to twitch under you at the unsatisfying pleasure.

two and a half minutes.

that's how long he lasted before begging you to make him cum.

it wasn't all his fault, the two of you hadn't been intimate in over a week. he had been busy and you were too.

you know how heeseung gets, it's almost like he gets restless without your touch.

feeling bad, you sped up your movements, hearing him moan out of relief when you did.

his chest heaving more than before, and his hairline was gathering sweat already.

"heeseung, baby? you alright?" your tone was filled with care, but he knew better.

he nodded his head, muttering something out.

"hm? what was that?" his brows furrowed, "s-said im close..." you hummed, continuing your pace until you were sure he was a few seconds from cumming.

you retracted your hand. placing it on your thigh.

"h-huh?" he stuttered out, confused. "c'mon hee! I don't want you to cum already." you giggled, tracing fingers on his thigh. getting dangerously close to his aching cock.

"n-no, please. I can go again, I promise, I just need you to make me cum." his doe eyes were so captivating, how could you say no?

you nodded your head, assuring him you'll make him cum.

you brought your hand back, starting with a nice pace.

minutes flew by and you could tell heeseung was getting closer.

he threw his head back, moaning out your name.

when he was right on the edge, his eyes flew to you.

"don't stop, please, baby." his hands gripped the sheets, "please don’t p-pull away." he felt your pace quicken, thankful that you were giving him what he wanted.

his head fell on the pillows again, hips lifting into your hand, "oh fuck, f-fuck! right there, please, noona."

he didn't even seem aware of his words and actions in the moment, and so when your hand stilled on his cock, he whined.

"w-why'd you stop...?" he pouted, his chest flushed.

you bit back a smile. "noona?" his eyes widened, "what?"

you laughed, "mm, say it again." he shook his head, his ears reddening.

"say it again or you'll have to get yourself off." he quickly said no, begging you to let him cum.

"it's one word, honey. just say it."

he whined, his pride suddenly getting in the way.

"j-jays right outside." he reasoned. you rolled your eyes, "i dont give a fuck. he probably already heard more than he should’ve."

his forearm covered his face. his mouth about to open when he felt you start a slow stroking pace on his dick.

"heeseung?" he nodded his head.

"'m sorry, noona," you smiled, quickening your hand just a bit. "see? wasn't so bad." he whimpered, his cock was throbbing.

"you want me to go faster? to make you cum?"

"yes, yes, please, y/n." he felt a strike on his thigh, moaning out from the mix of the pain and the pleasure of your hand on him.

"I'm gonna walk out if you say my name again." his eyes watered, just the thought of you pulling away again killing him.

"n-no! 'm sorry, just please make me cum, please noona?" he whispered the last word, still feeling a bit nervous with the whole situation.

you stroked his cock faster now, eyeing him the whole time.

he looked so pleased, but still so desperate. you didn't have in you to deny him again. so when he got close this time again, you never let up, you let him have his pleasure.

"f-fuck, im gonna cum." he whimpered out, he brought a hand over to your empty one.

"can i kiss you, noona? p-please?" your face softened, god he was so adorable.

you leaned down to his face, still stroking his cock as you kissed him. he brought his hand to your back now in the middle of the kiss, heeseung pulled away from your face, moaning loudly.

you sat straight up again, feeling his sticky load coat your hand.

his chest heaved up and down as you slowed your pace, eventually taking your hand away.

you brought your hand up, licking his cum off your finger. he moaned at the sight, sitting up.

he smiled softly, grabbing a tissue from the nightstand and wiping himself off.

he pulled you close to him, tucking his head in your neck as you moved to straddle him. careful to avoid his sensitive cock.

he lifts his head a bit, just enough so his words aren't muffled. "I didn't mean to say that..." you giggle, throwing your head back. "have you always fantasized about it?"

he takes a peek at you, cheeks flushed as he nodded his head.

"I just didn't know how to tell you..."

you pout, "you don't have to be afraid or worried, baby. I want you to feel like you can always tell me anything." he nodded again, "i-i know, y/n, it's just kinda different. you know? I didn't know how you'd feel about it."

you pressed a kiss to the crown of his head.

"I still love you, heeseung. I always will." he leaned into your lips, whispering it back before giving you a kiss. 

[bulbasaursim]

INTERRUPTED.ᐟ

pairingᝰ.ᐟ nishimura riki x fem reader

warningsᝰ.ᐟ dry humping, oral (m), overstimulation, sub! niki, noona kink, praise kink, etc.

natty's notesᝰ.ᐟ request, mdni, hate comments will be deleted.

his room was dimly lit, bathed in the soft, golden glow of the lamp perched on the corner of his desk. the shadows stretched along the walls, quiet and still, the warmth of the light wrapping the space in something intimate—private. his door was left slightly ajar, open just enough for a faint sliver of hallway light to peek through, but not enough to invite anyone in.

he sat lazily at his desk, slouched slightly in his chair, one leg bent up, the other stretched out beneath the table. his fingers moved with practiced ease as he propped up his phone, screen already open, the app loading slowly as he prepared to go live. his lips parted slightly in thought, adjusting the angle out of habit—until the quiet creak of the door cut through the silence.

his head snapped up.

and there you were.

you stepped inside without hesitation, pushing the door shut gently behind you. it clicked into place with a soft finality, and his breath caught before he could stop it. you didn’t need to say anything at first. your presence filled the room before your voice even had to. his gaze lifted to you, scanning over the shape of your face, the way your features softened under the warm hue of his desk lamp.

you looked unreal like that—so effortlessly pretty it made his throat dry. the way your hair cascaded over your shoulders, catching the light just right, made something flutter in his stomach. his cheeks flushed before he could even stop it.

“i’m about to go live,” he said, clearing his throat. his voice was soft, tinged with that familiar nervous edge he got around you. “do you… want to join me, noona?”

he tried to keep his tone even, but the way his eyes lingered on your lips said something else entirely.

your eyes dragged over his figure the moment you stepped closer, your gaze sweeping from his face down to the way he sat—legs spread naturally, lazily, like he didn’t even realize what that did to you. his hands rested over his thighs, fingers relaxed, long and elegant even in their stillness. his sweats clung just slightly to the shape of him, soft and dark, creased in the middle like he’d been shifting in his seat while waiting.

his hair caught your attention next—two-tone and tousled just enough to look accidental, though you knew better. it looked soft, almost fluffy, with strands falling just right against his forehead. but the messy edges gave him away. he’d been running his fingers through it, probably out of habit, maybe from nerves. and it looked too good like that. too effortlessly styled in that kind of way that made your throat tighten.

you didn’t say anything right away.

just kept walking toward him, each step slow, unhurried, like you wanted him to feel every second of the space closing between you. his breath shifted the closer you got, his eyes flickering up to meet yours, wide and expectant, but you didn’t stop until you were right in front of him—close enough to touch.

“you look pretty…” you said quietly, your voice low and soaked in something heavier.

your hand lifted gently, fingers brushing into his hair, stroking back the strands that had fallen across his forehead. his breath hitched just barely. you smiled.

“too pretty,” you murmured again, more to yourself this time than to him, but his cheeks still flushed pink under your touch like he’d heard every intention laced behind it.

his breath hitched the second your fingers tangled in his hair, and you felt the smallest tremble beneath your touch—like even that soft graze was enough to short-circuit his composure. his head tilted slightly, not fully leaning in, but not pulling away either. his eyes were wide, unreadable, but his cheeks were already flushed, the pink bleeding up into his ears like his body was reacting faster than his thoughts.

your fingers moved down, gliding from the roots of his soft, tousled hair to the curve of his jaw, tracing the sharp line of it with slow, lazy strokes. his lips parted as your thumb hovered over his mouth, not even pressing down—just resting there, like a warning. he looked up at you with that same frozen expression, like he couldn’t decide whether to lean into it or beg you to stop.

your knee brushed his gently as you leaned forward, and with one firm nudge, you pushed the chair back a few inches from the desk. the quiet scrape of the wheels sounded far too loud in the stillness of the room, and ni-ki’s hands flew to the armrests, gripping them tightly like he was bracing for something he didn’t know how to handle.

you stepped in between his knees, letting your hips sway just enough to be intentional, and with slow, fluid movements, you lifted yourself into his lap—first one leg swinging over his thighs, then the other, until you were seated fully on him, knees pressed to the sides of the chair, your body resting against his with barely an inch of space left untouched.

your hands slid slowly up the curve of his shoulders, resting there like anchors as you shifted your weight, letting your hips roll just slightly—not enough to make it obvious, but enough to make him feel it. and he did. you felt the breath catch in his throat before he even made a sound. his fingers gripped the edge of the seat like it was the only thing keeping him grounded, but even then, his body twitched beneath you, thighs flexing as your core pressed tight against him.

he was already getting hard.

you could feel the heat of it through both layers of clothing, the length of him beginning to strain against the fabric as your cunt dragged slow and heavy across his lap. the friction was subtle at first, soft and thick, dulled by cotton but achingly present. and the more you moved, the harder it got to ignore.

“noona…”

it came out softer this time. more desperate. more needy. it slipped past his lips like a confession, like something he didn’t mean to say out loud, but couldn’t help because of how good you felt sitting on him, grinding against him so slowly it felt cruel.

your hips rolled again, slower this time, deeper, dragging your soaked panties across his cock, and you felt him twitch hard beneath you.

his head dropped, nose brushing the base of your neck, and the sound that left his mouth was a mix between a whimper and a sigh—so breathless, so sweet, so fucking wrecked it made your cunt clench with heat.

he was falling apart, and you hadn’t even taken anything off yet.

you smiled to yourself, your fingers sliding down his chest, slow and gentle like you were soothing him instead of teasing. your mouth hovered close to his ear, your breath warm as you whispered against the shell of it.

“feels good?” you asked, voice dipped in syrup, tone smug and soft all at once.

he nodded into your neck, his hands now clinging to your waist, like he needed to hold onto you just to survive the next few seconds.

“you’re so hard already, baby,” you murmured, grinding down again, this time rougher, more deliberate. “just from me sitting on you like this?”

he gasped. one of his hands flew down to your thigh, gripping it hard as his hips jerked up into yours, chasing the pressure. the sudden neediness of it made your breath catch. he was losing control so fast. so easily. and all you were doing was grinding on him—still fully dressed, still pressed against him like it was just a casual seat, like he wasn’t about to cum in his pants if you kept this up.

your hips moved in tighter circles now, dragging your clit against the base of his cock, the soaked fabric of your panties doing nothing to mute the ache growing between your legs. each roll of your hips made your breath come faster, your thighs twitching as the tension built, deeper and sharper with every grind. ni-ki was whining into your skin now, soft and broken, his voice caught somewhere between shame and pleasure.

“please,” he whispered, voice barely audible. “noona, please…”

his cock pressed thick against your core now, fully hard, trapped and twitching beneath his sweatpants. your cunt was dripping, soaking through your panties, leaving a damp patch that rubbed into the fabric of his lap with every rough, messy grind. the friction was dizzying. you could barely breathe. he was panting. you were panting. the room was filled with nothing but breath, heat, and the soft, obscene sound of your bodies sliding together, over and over and over again.

you leaned in, pressing your lips to his cheek, your breath trembling against his skin.

“gonna cum like this?” you whispered, low and filthy. “in your pants, just from me riding you?”

he moaned.

full and wrecked and helpless.

and then his hips jerked up into yours one last time—tight, hard, frantic—and he gasped, loud and broken as he came, his body convulsing beneath you. you felt the heat of it soak through the layers, his cock twitching as he spilled inside his sweats, your name tumbling from his lips like a prayer and a curse all at once.

his head dropped forward again, face buried in the crook of your neck, his arms wrapping tight around your waist like he needed to cling to something solid. you could feel his chest rising and falling against yours, frantic, his fingers digging into the fabric at your back as he whimpered softly into your skin.

your hips kept moving, slower now, but deeper—rolling with thick, steady friction that pressed the soaked heat of your panties directly against his overstimulated cock. you could feel how hard he still was, how he twitched beneath every movement like it hurt and he loved it all at once. your clit dragged against him with every circle of your hips, and the fabric between you felt slippery and soaked, filthy with both of you.

“n-noona,” he breathed, voice cracking. “too much—it’s too much—”

you hummed in response, low and breathless, not bothering to lift your hips, not offering him even a second of relief. you just shifted your angle slightly, rolling down harder against him, chasing that perfect spot—your pleasure now, your own need building fast from how ruined he sounded beneath you.

his whole body was trembling.

you could feel it in his thighs, in the way his arms tightened around you like he was trying to ground himself. his breath was shaky, ragged, each exhale punched out of him with every slow grind of your hips. he whimpered again, high and sweet and helpless, his lips brushing your neck as he clung to you like he didn’t know how to handle it.

“you can take it,” you whispered against his ear, your voice thick with arousal. “you already made a mess, baby… might as well let me finish, too.”

he didn’t speak—he couldn’t—but he nodded against your shoulder, his hands sliding up your back, holding you tighter, and it made your stomach twist with heat. he was giving you everything. his body, his voice, his obedience, all of it—so desperate to please you even while he was falling apart.

your pussy throbbed, your clit aching, every rub against his soaked cock bringing you closer. the wet friction had you gasping now, your breath matching his as you chased it—hips moving faster, more erratic, grinding into him so hard that the chair creaked beneath the weight of it.

“fuck—” you gasped. “just—stay like that, baby, let me—”

your body locked up, your thighs clenching tight around his waist as you came with a sharp gasp, your hands fisting in his hair as your cunt pulsed and dragged through the mess between you. every little movement, every grind and shift of your hips only made the pleasure ripple deeper, hotter, drawn out by the soaked fabric clinging to you both.

you rocked through it slowly, your forehead dropping to his shoulder, your whole body shuddering as the waves of it washed over you. and ni-ki—poor, sweet, fucked-out ni-ki—just held you through it, still trembling beneath you, still hard and oversensitive and completely lost in you.

you stayed in his lap for a moment longer, just breathing with him, letting the quiet settle into something hazy and warm. his arms were still wrapped tight around your waist, his head resting against your chest, his body twitching with the soft aftershocks of everything you’d just done to him. his cock was still hard under you—soaked and pulsing, pressed against the mess you’d both made. he looked ruined. utterly wrecked. and so fucking pretty for it.

you brushed his hair back gently, your fingertips soft against his damp forehead, and when he finally looked up at you—eyes glassy, lips parted, cheeks still red—you smiled.

“you okay?” you whispered, stroking his cheek with your thumb.

he nodded immediately, his breath catching. “y-yeah… just… still shaking.”

you leaned down and kissed the corner of his mouth, slow and soft. “you did so good for me.”

he melted into it, like your praise was something he’d been waiting to hear. his hands squeezed your waist gently, grounding himself with you still pressed against him. but you didn’t miss it—the way his cock still throbbed beneath you, the way his hips flexed just slightly when you shifted in his lap.

he was still hard.

you pulled back just enough to look at him properly, your fingers tilting his chin up so he couldn’t hide his face anymore.

“you want more?” you asked quietly, voice dipped in something low and dangerous. “even after all that?”

he nodded again, quicker this time, the tip of his tongue darting out to wet his lips. “please…”

fuck.

you kissed him again, this time on the jaw, then the throat, trailing lower with each breath he took. your hands slid down his chest, over his stomach, until they reached the waistband of his sweats. he whimpered when your fingers hooked into them, his hips lifting just slightly as you tugged them down.

his boxers came down with them, and the sight that greeted you made your mouth water.

he was soaked.

his cock was flushed and twitching, still hard, smeared with cum from earlier—some of it dried, some still glistening, smeared all over the head and down his shaft, dripping into the mess that stained his waistband. he looked ruined, so fucking sensitive, and yet he was still begging for your mouth.

“look at you,” you whispered, dragging your nails lightly along the skin of his inner thigh. “so messy already. and you still want more?”

he whimpered again, his hand fisting in the hem of his shirt like he didn’t know what to do with himself.

“yes—please, noona, i need it…”

that was all it took.

you sank to your knees in front of him, eyes never leaving his, and took a slow, deep breath before leaning in.

you didn’t rush. you let your tongue flick gently across the head first, tasting the mix of sweat and cum still clinging to his skin. he gasped—sharp and high-pitched—his thighs twitching under your palms as you licked a slow stripe from base to tip, cleaning him off as you went.

he was so sensitive. every touch made him shake.

but he didn’t stop you.

he spread his legs wider, letting you in, his hands gripping the edge of the chair like he was trying to hold it together. your mouth wrapped around the head of his cock slowly, sucking soft at first, then deeper, letting your tongue swirl around the swollen tip before taking more of him inch by inch.

his moans were breathless.

“ah—noona—fuck, fuck—so sensitive—feels too good—”

you kept going.

your hands gripped his thighs, holding him steady, and you bobbed your head in slow, steady movements, letting the slick mess coat your tongue, your lips, your chin. your spit mixed with his cum, sliding down his shaft in wet strands that clung to your skin as you worked him deeper.

he was whimpering now—gasping your name, his head tilted back, his chest heaving with every breath. he was trying so hard to be still, but his hips bucked up slightly with every stroke of your tongue, every suck that hit just right, every soft moan you let out around his cock.

“n-noona—gonna cum again, please—can i? please—”

you moaned in response, your hand wrapping around the base as you sucked harder, faster, dragging another orgasm out of him with no mercy. his thighs tensed. his whole body arched. and then he came again, whining your name so pretty and broken it left your knees weak.

he spilled onto your tongue with a cry, his hands grabbing the arms of the chair like he was falling, and you swallowed it all—every drop—before pulling back, licking your lips, watching him fall apart all over again.

your breathing was still uneven, chest rising in slow, shallow pulses as you sat there on the floor for a second longer, knees still sore from the way you'd dropped to them without hesitation. your lips were swollen, tingling from the weight of his cock and the mess you’d just swallowed down without complaint. your jaw ached in that satisfying way that only came after taking him deep—too deep—but you didn’t care. your chin was sticky with a mix of spit and cum, your throat raw, your mouth humming with lingering heat, but it didn’t matter. none of it did.

not when he looked like that.

ni-ki was still slumped in the chair, his legs wide open, too weak to close them, thighs trembling beneath the worn fabric of his sweats. his shirt clung to him in patches where sweat had bloomed across his chest and under his arms, his breath still catching in his throat like he didn’t know how to exhale properly anymore. his head was tipped back, neck flushed, jaw slack, lips parted and damp with drool. his eyes were barely open, lashes fluttering like he was on the edge of passing out, but there was something about the way he looked at you—even in that state—that made your entire body clench.

he looked at you like you were the only thing in the world. like he couldn’t decide whether to cry or beg or thank you. like you had just given him something sacred and stolen something dangerous all in one breath.

and god, maybe you had.

you smiled—slow and sweet and proud—and crawled back into his lap without saying a word, hands braced against his thighs as you pulled yourself up, one knee slipping to either side of his hips until you were fully straddling him again. his body responded instantly, not with words, but with the way his arms lifted—shaking, exhausted—but still reaching for you. like he couldn’t bear for you to be anywhere else.

you settled on top of him gently, your thighs pressed against the sides of his hips, the heat of his body still radiating beneath you. his cock had softened, twitching every now and then with overstimulation, completely spent from the way you had sucked him dry, but he still clung to you like he needed your warmth to stay grounded. like you were the only thing tethering him to reality.

your hands found his face, cupping his cheeks, your thumbs brushing across the heat there as you leaned in slowly. your lips found his temple first, then the edge of his jaw, then finally—soft and lingering—his mouth. you kissed him slow. warm. not filthy like before, not demanding. just intimate. his lips barely moved beneath yours, too tired to kiss you back with any force, but you felt the way he sighed against you, like he needed it. like he craved it more than air.

he whimpered when you pulled back just slightly, his breath catching again, hands settling lightly on your waist like he still wasn’t ready to let go.

“you did so good for me,” you whispered, voice low and close against his lips. “took it all like a good boy. didn’t even flinch when i kept going. you taste so fucking perfect, riki…”

his cheeks burned instantly, the pink rushing across his nose and up to his ears like a flood. he tried to look down, away, eyes dropping in embarrassment—but you didn’t let him.

“no,” you said softly, tilting his chin back up with your fingers. “look at me.”

his eyes met yours again, slow, reluctant, but so full of something heavy it made your heart twist. his lashes were wet. his lips were still parted. and fuck—he looked like he was about to cry just from the praise alone.

you kissed his nose, then his forehead, your hands sliding into his hair, stroking it gently, soothing him like he hadn’t just given you everything you asked for without complaint. and he melted under your touch, shoulders sagging, mouth quivering with every breath. your whole body ached from how sweet he was like this—how soft—and yet, underneath it all, you could feel something else stirring.

“n-noona…” he breathed, barely louder than the air between you.

you hummed, voice light as your fingertips combed through his hair. “hm?”

he hesitated.

his voice was small. hesitant. trembling at the edges like he was unsure if he was allowed to ask for more after how hard you’d taken him apart. “i… i want to return the favor.”

your brow lifted slightly, amused but curious. you tilted your head, lips brushing his cheek. “oh?”

he swallowed, throat working visibly, his blush deepening as his gaze fluttered downward again.

“not now,” he said, words rushed. “just… when i can move again.”

you laughed softly, nose nudging his. “you sure about that? you looked like you were about to pass out two minutes ago.”

and then—his fingers flexed against your hips.

not soft this time. not gentle. intentional.

“i mean it,” he whispered, voice cracking open—low and dark, his lips brushing your ear now, the weight of his words suddenly shifting. “next time… i want you to sit on my face.”

you froze.

“want you to use me,” he breathed, tone thick and low. “want to taste everything you leave behind. want to feel you grind on my face until i can’t even breathe. make me clean you up with my tongue. all of it.”

your breath hitched, sharp and sudden.

fuck.

his eyes opened again, just barely, and the look in them had changed completely. still tired. still flushed. but dangerous now—something feral beneath the wreckage. something hungry that hadn’t had its fill.

he smirked.

tired. trembling. but smug.

and that was the moment you knew—you were in trouble.

because as soon as he got his strength back, you weren’t going to be able to walk straight. and you were going to let him ruin you for it.

natty's notesᝰ.ᐟ i hoped you all enjoyed !!

[bulbasaursim]

the one he waited for

summary: when you’re finally forced to confront the simmering attraction between you and jungwon, your brother’s best friend, the result is unexpected. one late-night encounter, charged with tension, ends up crossing a line neither of you thought you’d dare. what started as a playful game turns into something deeper and more intense, and now there’s no going back.

pairing: jungwon x noona!reader

genre: smut, romance, age-gap, angst, forbidden love, emotional tension.

warnings: age gap (reader 4-5 years older), explicit content, sexual themes, dirty talk, masturbation, first-time sex, light power dynamics, vulnerability, emotional complexity.

wc: 5,3k

notes: heeeeey🩷 these days i’ve been feeling really attacked by jungwon😩 i can’t stop thinking about him, so i thought i’d write a fanfic with this theme because i saw a tiktok where he calls a fan "noona" and plays along with it😶‍🌫️

you met jungwon when he still had milk teeth and scabby knees.

you were in the third year of secondary school, hormonal and vaguely annoyed at the universe, when your little brother sunoo came home one day dragging behind him a skinny, quiet boy with a backpack twice the size of his torso.

“this is jungwon,” sunoo had said, already halfway to his room. “he’s new. his mom knows mom. we’re partners for the science project.”

you barely looked up from your textbook, muttering a polite hello. but he looked at you.

really looked.

his eyes lingered longer than they should’ve for a kid his age, wide and curious and—something else. like he wasn’t just seeing you, but memorizing you.

“hi,” he said softly, his voice still uncertain, his ears already turning pink.

you didn’t think much of it at first. boys were shy around you sometimes — older cousins’ friends, classmates, the occasional awkward neighbor. you thought it was just a phase of growing up. you didn’t realize that for jungwon, it wasn’t a phase. it was the beginning.

he started showing up more often after that. friday afternoons. saturdays. sometimes sundays if their homework was especially hard (or if he just needed an excuse to see your face again).

you'd come out of your room to grab water and find him sitting cross-legged on the living room floor, trying to focus on sunoo's babbling explanation of mitosis while accidentally glancing at you every ten seconds.

he never spoke to you much. when he did, his voice cracked. or he stumbled over his words. once, you asked him if he wanted juice, and he stared at you like you’d just proposed marriage.

“uh—um—y-yeah,” he stammered, hands fumbling with the hem of his hoodie, cheeks flushing deep scarlet. “please. i mean—if—it’s okay—if you’re not—like, busy.”

you almost laughed. but you didn’t.

because something about the way he looked at you made your heart ache a little. it wasn’t gross or inappropriate. it was… earnest. innocent.

like he genuinely thought you were the most beautiful thing he’d ever seen.

and the thing is — you noticed.

you noticed the way he’d sit up straighter when you entered the room. how his voice would drop an octave and crack embarrassingly. how he’d peek at you from behind sunoo’s head, then quickly look away when you caught him. how his hands would shake a little when you passed him a cup or brushed too close.

you never teased him for it. you never said anything.

because in some quiet, maybe slightly selfish part of your mind… you liked it.

you liked being admired. being seen. being felt that intensely, even if it was from the shy, blushing best friend of your little brother.

he was always respectful. always sweet. he never crossed a line. but his crush on you clung to the air like perfume. soft. warm. obvious.

years passed. you graduated. life got louder. messier. you dated. you worked. you kissed boys who didn’t love you and left

boys who didn’t deserve you.

jungwon grew taller. broader. his face sharpened. his voice deepened. but every time he came over — during holidays, birthdays, random reunions — he still had that same look when he saw you. like his chest couldn’t hold everything he felt at once.

you pretended not to notice.

but god, it was hard.

especially when he started looking at you like he wasn’t thirteen anymore. like he could actually handle everything he felt.

and one night, everything shifted.

you hadn’t heard from sunoo all day.

which wasn’t particularly rare — he was in his second year of university, constantly juggling late-night study sessions and social events, and had recently started going out more with his friends. you figured he was just having one of those wild friday nights. until your phone buzzed at 1:14 a.m.

sunoo [1:14 AM]: noonaaa pls come get us jungwon threw up i’m fine but he’s dead pls don’t tell mom

you sighed, rolled your eyes, grabbed your keys and slipped into the hoodie you always used for midnight emergencies — not that you were ever planning to see anyone during them.

you pulled up in front of a too-bright, too-loud, too-packed house on the edge of campus and texted sunoo to come out.

a few minutes later, the front door opened and there he was — clinging to the arm of someone taller, broader, effortlessly holding him upright. for a second, you didn’t recognize him.

then he looked up.

and there he was.

jungwon.

but not the jungwon you remembered.

this jungwon wasn’t a boy.

he wasn’t wearing baggy jeans and awkward energy and hope in his eyes.

this jungwon was all jawline and collarbone, his black t-shirt clinging to a chest that clearly spent time at the gym. his hair was longer, messier, falling in soft waves over his forehead. his eyes met yours — steady, quiet, focused — and for the first time, he didn’t look away.

he didn’t flinch. didn’t stammer.

he smiled.

“hey,” he said, voice deep and low, still warm but heavier now, mature. “sorry about this.”

you blinked.

that’s your voice? you wanted to ask. that’s how you talk now? that’s how you look at me?

sunoo groaned beside him. “i’m fine, but jungwon had like three shots too many. we tried to leave earlier but he threw up in the bushes.”

jungwon grimaced slightly. “traitor.”

“shut up, you begged me for water and called me ‘hyung.’”

“i was being polite.”

“you’re not polite, you’re pathetic.”

they bickered all the way to the car, sunoo practically collapsing in the back seat while jungwon climbed into the passenger side. you could still smell the alcohol on both of them, but jungwon didn’t reek. he smelled like a faint trace of expensive cologne and something else—soap? mint? you couldn’t place it, but it was… grown-up.

he glanced at you while you drove. quiet at first. but his eyes didn’t stray.

“thanks for coming,” he said after a moment, voice softer. “i told him not to call you.”

you shook your head. “it’s fine. better me than some drunk stranger.”

he chuckled under his breath. “you’ve always saved him. guess you’re still saving me, too.”

your hands tightened a little on the steering wheel. you tried not to look at him. you failed.

“you’re different,” you murmured. “you look…”

“older?” he offered.

you smirked. “yeah. and bigger. like—buffer. you work out?”

“a bit,” he said, smiling like he knew exactly what you were thinking. “i’m doing physical education. planning to specialize in rehabilitation and injury recovery. so, yeah. kind of have to stay in shape.”

you blinked. “you’re studying physio?”

he nodded. “yeah. i like the idea of helping people heal.”

and fuck, that sounded more attractive than it should’ve. something about his voice, his posture — he wasn’t trying to impress you. he was just being.

“you?” he asked after a pause.

“i’m freelancing right now,” you said, eyes back on the road. “graphic design. branding mostly. and some small business stuff. it’s boring.”

“no it’s not. it’s so you.”

you glanced at him.

he smiled again, but this time it was smaller. less polished. more personal. like it belonged to a memory — of juice in plastic cups and teenage crushes and the way your laugh used to make him drop his pencil.

“you remember a lot for someone who barely talked to me,” you teased.

“i didn’t talk because i knew i’d say something dumb,” he admitted, rubbing the back of his neck. “but i watched. a lot. i—used to like you. a lot.”

the air between you cracked. just a little. a thin fissure running through the quiet, letting in something hot and unspoken.

“used to?” you asked softly, your voice barely above a whisper.

jungwon looked at you.

his eyes weren’t shy anymore. they were steady. unwavering. burning.

“no,” he said.

“not used to.”

the living room was still, dimly lit by the glow of the microwave clock from the kitchen. you had tossed extra blankets on the couch for both of them, with sunoo passed out flat and snoring softly on the floor, limbs sprawled like he'd been dropped from the ceiling.

jungwon had taken the couch without protest, pulling a hoodie over his t-shirt and curling into it like he thought it would keep him safe from the memories clinging to your home.

but he couldn’t sleep.

it wasn’t the couch. it wasn’t the faint buzz of the refrigerator or the thin light seeping in from the streetlamps outside.

it was you.

he could still smell your perfume on the blanket you'd handed him. he could still hear your voice from the car — the way you said he’d changed, how you looked at him like maybe you saw it, maybe you noticed it.

he stared at the ceiling for an hour. two.

and then quietly stood, careful not to step on sunoo as he padded toward the hallway.

he didn’t expect to run into you.

not like that.

you were just stepping out of the bathroom, your hand tugging lightly at the knot on your robe. it was short — too short. soft grey cotton, the hem brushing high on your thighs and clinging to your hips like it had something to prove. your hair was down, still slightly damp from a shower, curling a little at the ends. your legs were bare.

he froze.

you blinked, mildly startled, but your eyes flicked down his body before returning to his face, amused.

"couldn't sleep?" you asked, your voice low from sleep but edged with curiosity.

jungwon swallowed, gaze darting once to your thighs before he caught himself.

"yeah. uh—couch's kinda stiff."

"mm," you nodded, stepping past him. he stayed still, hyper-aware of the way your shoulder brushed his chest, the smell of your skin so close he could taste it. “or maybe something else is keeping you up.”

he didn’t answer.

you turned, leaning against the hallway wall, arms crossed — and the movement made the robe ride up even higher. his eyes flicked to the exposed skin, then back up to yours. caught again.

you tilted your head. “jungwon…”

“yeah?” his voice cracked. once.

you smiled slowly, wickedly, like you were enjoying how nervous he looked.

“why do you always look at me like that?”

he tensed. “like what?”

“like i’m the only thing in the room.”

he stared at you, wide-eyed, lips parted, like you’d just spoken the deepest truth of his life. and maybe you had.

“i—i don’t—” he started, then stopped. sighed. “i didn’t mean to.”

“but you do.”

he dropped his gaze.

“you’ve been looking at me like that since you were fourteen,” you said softly, stepping closer. “don’t think i never noticed. the stares. the blushes. the way you used to stop talking mid-sentence if i walked into the room.”

he exhaled shakily. “you… knew?”

“of course i did.” you leaned in a little. “and now, you still do it. except you don’t blush anymore.”

he met your eyes. something flickered there — fear, maybe. frustration.

desire.

“you’re playing with me,” he said quietly.

you smiled, not denying it.

“you’re my brother’s friend, jungwon,” you said, tone playful, like that meant something. “you’re younger. i’m just—curious.”

his jaw tensed.

“is that what i am to you?” he said, voice sharper now, wounded. “just a curiosity? some dumb kid with a crush you can tease?”

you didn’t answer. not immediately.

but he stepped forward — two full strides — until he was right in front of you. taller now. broader. not afraid to get close.

“i’m not a kid anymore.”

his voice had dropped, rough at the edges. his gaze was steady. no hesitation now.

“i’m twenty,” he said. “i’ve lived on my own. i’ve seen things. i’ve felt things. i’m not that shy little boy who got nervous when you bent over to get something from the fridge.”

your breath caught.

“then who are you?” you asked, whispering.

he leaned in, lips brushing your ear as he replied.

“i’m a man who’s wanted you for years.”

goosebumps.

your knees nearly gave out.

he pulled back, watching your face, waiting to see if you’d laugh again — if you’d keep playing.

but you didn’t.

you just stared at him, lips parted, chest rising and falling a little too fast.

“show me,” you murmured.

he didn’t say anything.

he didn’t need to.

you turned without a word and walked to your room, knowing he would follow. his footsteps were quiet but quick behind you, like he was afraid you’d change your mind if he hesitated too long.

the moment you closed the door behind him, he stood still—eyes flickering over the space like it was holy, forbidden. like he was stepping into something he’d only ever imagined.

and you could feel it. the weight of his stare. the breath he held in his lungs.

your robe was still loose. still too short. your skin was warm and dewy from the shower, soft and smelling like lavender soap, and you knew the scent would drive him mad. it already was—he was staring at the curve of your collarbone, the hollow between your breasts, the smoothness of your thighs peeking out from under the edge of the fabric.

“sit,” you whispered.

he sat on the edge of your bed like he was being summoned to a throne.

you stood in front of him. close. close enough that your knees brushed his.

he looked up at you—eyes dark, lips parted, fingers gripping the mattress like he needed to hold on to something real.

“do you still want this?” you asked.

he nodded. fast.

“use your words, jungwon.”

“yes,” he said, voice hoarse. “yes. i want you.”

you climbed into his lap slowly, deliberately, straddling his thighs, your hands on his shoulders. he gasped softly at the contact, at the weight of you, at the way your robe parted slightly, revealing more of your thighs and a glimpse of black lace underneath.

“you’re not a kid anymore,” you whispered, brushing your nose against his. “you’re not just sunoo’s friend.”

he nodded again. “i want to be yours.”

your heart clenched.

you kissed him.

soft at first—just the press of lips, the taste of him, the trembling hesitation of years of longing finally touching skin. but he moaned, low and needy, and his hands flew to your waist, pulling you closer. you felt him hard against you already, pressed between your bodies.

“fuck,” you breathed against his mouth. “you’ve been holding this in a long time, haven’t you?”

“so long,” he whispered. “you have no idea.”

your fingers slid into his hair, tugging, and he gasped again. you kissed down his jaw, to his throat, sucking softly just below his ear, feeling his breath catch against your shoulder.

his hands slipped under your robe, palms hot and desperate against your thighs.

“can i…?” he asked, voice shaking.

“anything,” you said.

he pushed the robe off your shoulders slowly, reverently, like he was unwrapping something sacred. his eyes widened when it slipped down your arms and pooled at your waist, baring your chest to him. his breath caught—completely still for a second—just staring.

“you’re so fucking beautiful,” he whispered.

you smiled, tugging his shirt up and over his head, revealing his lean, toned torso. his skin was golden, smooth, his shoulders broader than you remembered, his body hard from years of growing and becoming.

he wasn’t a boy anymore.

he kissed you again—deeper, hungrier. and when he pulled you down to the bed with him, the last thread of restraint snapped.

your robe came off completely.

he looked at you like you were everything.

and then he worshipped you like it.

“have you…?” you asked, voice barely above a whisper as your fingers trailed down the line of his abs.

he looked at you, cheeks already flushed, lips kiss-bitten and raw. he nodded slowly.

“yeah,” he said, swallowing thickly. “i’ve been with someone. once.”

you raised an eyebrow.

“but it wasn’t like this,” he added quickly, reaching up to touch your face. “it was nothing like this.”

you leaned into his palm. “what was it like?”

he hesitated, then let out a soft laugh. embarrassed. “fast. awkward. i couldn’t stop thinking about you.”

you blinked.

he looked away, like he wasn’t sure he should have said that out loud. “i mean… i used to—fuck, i used to jerk off to the thought of you. all the time. your voice. your thighs. the way you looked at me like you knew i was nervous. it was fucked up, i know. but i couldn’t help it.”

your lips parted.

your stomach clenched.

your thighs pressed together automatically at the confession, at the heat in his voice, the hunger. the honesty.

“how many times?” you whispered, voice low against his jaw.

he groaned. “so many. i’d get home from hanging out with sunoo and lock myself in my room. sometimes i couldn’t even make it through dinner.”

you let out a soft, breathy laugh. “god, jungwon…”

“i want to make it good for you,” he said then, serious again. “i want to make you feel everything. like you deserve.”

you kissed him before he could say anything else. kissed him hard. slow. deep. your tongue dragging over his, sucking softly on his bottom lip.

“show me,” you murmured against his mouth. “you’ve waited so long. show me how much.”

his hands shook slightly as he slid down between your legs, kissing down your throat, your collarbones, between your breasts, taking his time. his breath was warm against your skin. reverent. worshipful.

“you smell like heaven,” he murmured, nosing against your stomach. “like soap and heat and you.”

you arched up for him, and he pulled your panties down slowly, dragging them down your legs, eyes fixed on your pussy like it was something sacred.

“fuck,” he whispered, his voice breaking. “you’re soaked.”

his fingers ghosted over your folds, trembling.

you caught his wrist gently, eyes on his. “you can touch me, jungwon. it’s okay. you’re allowed now.”

that seemed to snap something inside him. his mouth was on you seconds later, licking into you like he needed it to live. he groaned when you gasped, when you tangled your fingers in his hair and cried out his name.

he was eager. hungry. desperate to please.

and when you finally pulled him up, breathless, your thighs shaking, he looked at you like he was about to break.

“please,” he whispered. “please let me fuck you.”

you nodded. pulled him down. reached between you both and helped guide him to your entrance, feeling the weight of him—thick, hard, pulsing.

he slid in slow.

inch by inch.

his breath was ragged. yours was gone entirely.

you both gasped at the stretch, the warmth, the way your bodies fit like they’d been waiting all this time to do this.

he buried his face in your neck, panting, whispering your name over and over like a prayer.

“so tight,” he groaned. “so fucking wet. fuck—i’m not gonna last if you keep clenching like that.”

you moaned at his honesty, at the way his voice cracked, at the rawness in his tone. he started to move, slow at first, dragging his hips back and then forward again, pushing deep, grinding into you.

it was good. better than you expected. it wasn’t just sex—it was years of longing, of wanting, of watching each other from opposite sides of a line neither of you had dared to cross.

until now.

“you feel like everything,” he whispered, fucking into you harder now, deeper. “i dreamed about this. every night. every fucking night.”

“then don’t stop,” you gasped, wrapping your legs around his waist, pulling him in deeper. “fuck me like you’ve waited for it.”

and he did.

he fucked you with devotion, with hunger, with shaking hands and eyes wide open so he wouldn’t miss a single expression on your face. something dark, something feral flickered in his gaze.

and just like that, the fear in his shoulders melted, replaced by heat.

he kissed you again, harder now, and without pulling out, he rolled you on top of him, hands gripping your thighs.

“ride me,” he whispered, voice low and broken. “please. i need to see you.”

you slid up slowly, his cock dragging along your walls, then sank back down, making both of you moan.

“fuck,” he gasped, fingers digging into your hips. “you feel—so fucking good. fuck—fuck—please don’t stop.”

you moved above him in reverse cowgirl, hands on his thighs for support as you rode him slow at first, then faster when you felt his cock twitch again inside. he sat up, chest against your back, mouth on your neck, groaning your name like it was a spell.

“you’re so fucking hot like this,” he muttered, his hands gripping your ass, spreading you open so he could watch his cock slide in and out. “i dreamed about this. every fucking day.”

when you started to clench again, he lay you on your stomach gently, pulling your hips up, and slid into you from behind—deeper, harder.

doggie style hit different with jungwon.

he was more confident now, more vocal, panting above you, whispering how tight you were, how wet, how you were making him lose his mind.

you pushed your ass back on him greedily, and he groaned, one hand gripping your waist, the other on your shoulder to keep you steady as he fucked you harder.

“you like this?” he rasped, pounding into you. “you like being fucked like this? like you’re mine?”

you moaned something between yes and his name, your voice breaking with every thrust.

he leaned down, his chest against your back again, fucking you hard and deep.

“you’re mine now,” he whispered against your ear. “you’re not gonna fuck anyone else after this, right?”

“no,” you gasped. “just you. only you, jungwon.”

and then, after you both came again, shaking and breathless, he didn’t stop.

he took you in missionary one last time—slow, deep, eyes on yours the entire time, his forehead resting against yours as he kissed you between moans, whispering how beautiful you looked, how long he’d waited to love you like this.

“you’re everything,” he whispered, voice cracking as he pushed in deep one last time. “you’re everything i’ve ever wanted.”

he stilled with a broken gasp, arms trembling around your body as his hips jerked forward one final time, deeper than before, his breath hot against your neck. the way he moaned your name—desperate, shaky, reverent—sent a shiver through you that tangled with the warmth blooming low in your stomach.

you felt it when he came.

thick, pulsing inside you, filling you up so suddenly that his whole body tensed, and for a second he looked stricken—terrified even—his lips brushing against your ear as he whispered, "shit, i—i came inside. i didn’t mean to. fuck—"

your fingers combed through his hair gently, trying to calm the frantic rhythm of his breathing. you tilted your head to look at him, his flushed cheeks, his wide, guilty eyes.

"it’s okay. i’m on the pill. i’ve been on it for years." you murmured, your voice soft but sure.

he blinked at you, his brows furrowing. “really?”

you nodded, your thumb tracing his cheekbone, then the corner of his parted lips. “yeah. you’re fine, baby. you don’t have to panic.”

his shoulders slowly relaxed, and something shifted behind his eyes—like he was letting himself believe it was real. that this wasn’t a mistake. that you wanted him just as much.

then he kissed you again—slow, deep, grateful—still buried inside you, still catching his breath.

you didn’t move. neither of you did.

just stayed tangled like that, in your sheets, in your skin, in something that felt too big to name yet too fragile to let go of.

“i’m sorry,” he whispered after a pause. “i wanted to last longer. i thought i would.”

you smiled, brushing his damp hair back from his forehead.

“you did better than i expected,” you teased, lips grazing his jaw. “besides… we’re not done unless you are.”

he looked at you, eyes dark and hungry again.

“i’m not done.”

you didn’t know how long you stayed like that, bodies pressed together, chests rising and falling in sync. his heartbeat was still racing beneath your palm, but it had softened now—steady, grounded. there was something so beautifully boyish in the way he clung to you even after, like he couldn’t believe he got to touch you like this. like you might disappear if he let go.

“you’re warm,” he mumbled sleepily against your collarbone.

you smiled, your hand sliding slowly down his back. “you wore yourself out.”

“i didn’t think…” he trailed off, his lips grazing your skin again. “i didn’t think it would feel like that.”

“like what?”

he pulled back just enough to meet your eyes. “like i belonged to you.”

your breath caught.

you didn’t answer right away. you just cupped his jaw, kissed him soft and deep, like a thank you and a promise rolled into one.

his hand brushed your side, then your thigh. tentative. reverent.

you felt him growing hard again, slow and unhurried, pressing against your hip with the same nervous need that had always burned quietly behind his eyes.

but there was no rush this time.

just heat, and quiet hunger, and the kind of tension that settles deep in your bones.

you shifted slightly, tilting your hips as you reached between you and wrapped your fingers around him, making him gasp softly against your mouth. his hips jerked into your palm, and he whined—high, breathy, desperate.

"you’re still so sensitive," you whispered, teasing your thumb over the head, slick and flushed.

he nodded, eyes fluttering shut. “but i want you again… i want to make you feel good.”

“you already did.”

“not enough.”

his voice cracked on the last word, and that was all it took.

you rolled him onto his back slowly, straddling his hips, your movements smooth and sure as you lined him up again. his hands gripped your thighs like he didn’t know where to touch first, overwhelmed, eyes wide and starry as you sank down onto him with a quiet moan.

he was deeper like this.

closer.

“fuck,” he choked, watching you like he was in awe, like he couldn’t believe this was real.

you rode him slowly at first, your hands on his chest, grounding yourself in the rise and fall of his breath. his mouth dropped open, fingers digging into your waist as he tried to hold back.

but you could tell he was unraveling.

every time you circled your hips, every roll forward, every clench around him made him twitch inside you, made him moan through gritted teeth.

"you’re doing so well," you murmured, leaning down to kiss his lips, his jaw, the hollow of his throat. “look at you. fucking me so good…”

he whimpered, bucking up into you.

“tell me you’re mine,” you whispered, lips brushing his ear.

“i’m yours,” he groaned, like it hurt. “i’ve always been yours.”

you shifted your angle, riding him harder now, chasing your own release as his hands scrambled to grab your ass, pulling you down with every thrust.

“i can’t—fuck—i’m gonna cum again—”

and when he came again—louder this time, broken and raw, with your name falling from his lips like a confession—you let go with him, your walls tightening around him, pulling him deeper until neither of you could breathe.

you collapsed against his chest, trembling, kissed his sweat-slick skin as his arms curled around you.

he held you like you were his.

because in some quiet, undeniable way—you were.

sunoo wakes up with a throbbing headache and the taste of cheap vodka in his mouth.

he groans dramatically, rolls over, and nearly falls off the couch. “i’m never drinking again,” he mumbles, as he always does, before drinking again next weekend.

after peeing for what feels like an eternity, he shuffles out into the hallway—barefoot, hoodie halfway on, hair looking like he fought a raccoon and lost.

and then he hears it.

a door creaking shut.

your door.

his eyes narrow.

he walks to the kitchen. there’s a coffee mug on the counter. another one in the sink. two mugs. okay. maybe you just wanted a second cup.

he turns around.

jungwon walks in, freshly showered, wearing one of your oversized t-shirts that says “girlboss energy” on the front.

sunoo blinks.

jungwon blinks back.

“morning,” jungwon says, casual. too casual. the shirt hangs halfway down his thighs like a nightgown and he has the audacity to stretch — arms over his head, shirt lifting just enough to show hip bone.

sunoo stares.

“...is that my sister’s shirt?”

jungwon pauses. “uh. laundry emergency?”

“we were only here for eight hours, what did you—never mind.” sunoo rubs his temples. “why do you smell like her shampoo?”

jungwon opens his mouth. closes it. shrugs.

“you two didn’t—” sunoo cuts himself off. “wait.”

his eyes go wide.

jungwon picks up a banana and starts peeling it like it’s the most natural thing in the world. “you want some eggs?”

“don’t change the subject!” sunoo screeches, pointing an accusatory finger. “did you fuck my sister?!”

jungwon freezes. the banana droops sadly in his hand.

then, very quietly, he says: “define ‘fuck’.”

sunoo screams.

sunoo sits at the kitchen table, staring at the two of you like you’re both guilty of murder. well, not just murder—incestuous murder.

you and jungwon are trying to act as normal as possible, but neither of you are fooling him for a second.

you’re stirring your coffee like it’s the most casual thing in the world, and jungwon’s sitting there, still wearing your t-shirt and acting like this is just any ordinary morning.

“so,” sunoo starts slowly, trying to piece everything together like it’s a bad detective show. “you two didn’t—you know...”

you raise an eyebrow at him, innocently. “didn’t what?”

“You didn’t,” he waves his hand dramatically, “kiss or… touch… or—anything?”

you pause for a second, and then you smile. a sweet, innocent smile that screams “i know what you’re thinking but i’m not going to confirm it.”

“sunoo,” you say calmly, “that’s not what happened.”

jungwon chimes in, voice a little too smooth. “yeah, we were just—uh, talking. you know. bonding over childhood memories and stuff.”

“memories, huh?” sunoo squints suspiciously. “so that’s what you’re calling it now?”

“uh, yeah?” jungwon looks way too casual about this. “like how you and i used to play video games when we were little?”

sunoo shakes his head. “but you—you're wearing her shirt.”

“well, the other option was wearing your dirty laundry,” jungwon smirks. “you really want that?”

sunoo looks horrified. “okay, no. no. i’m done with you two. this is too much.”

but then, you—ever the calm, collected one—lean forward and say in that smooth voice of yours, “sunoo, it was an accident.”

jungwon nods. “accident. i slipped… into your sister’s bed.”

sunoo, completely done with everything, slowly places his face into his hands. “god, i’m going to need therapy after this.”

you grin, leaning back in your chair with a teasing glint in your eye. “don’t worry. we won’t make it a habit.”

jungwon’s eyes widen in panic. “wait—no, i—”

“too late, jungwon,” you tease, crossing your arms. “your secret’s safe with me... for now.”

sunoo’s head jerks up, horrified. “you two are going to keep doing this?!”

you and jungwon exchange a glance, smirking.

“maybe,” you reply, a sly smile playing at your lips. “depends on how you feel about getting a new roommate.”

sunoo glares. “this is not happening.”

and just like that, you both vanish into the living room, leaving sunoo alone to spiral into a panic attack while jungwon pretends he’s completely unaware of the emotional damage he’s causing.

the sound of sunoo yelling from the kitchen echoes for a while.

but you and jungwon? you just laugh and relax. it’s been a long night, but the chaos has only just begun.

[bulbasaursim]

S/O with Tattoos | ENHA Maknae Line

Summary: Jungwon, Sunoo and Riki with their tattooed Noona (separated headcanons)

Keywords: afab reader, femdom reader, older reader (2 or 3 years older), sub Jungwon, sub Sunoo, sub Riki, tattoos, noona kink, handjob, oral, erotic asphyxiation, thick thighs, vaginal intercourse, creampie, fluff and smut

Warning(s): NSFW sexual content | 18+ Only

***

Jungwon

He has the coolest noona ever!

He thinks your tattoos are so cool and pretty

Kinda makes him want to get one though it would probably be some minimalistic and not as elaborate as yours

Loves your hand tattoo the most since he can admire it as you hold hands and play with it when he gets bored

Though does aren’t the only reasons

He finds it so hot when you put your tattooed hand on his thigh

Poor kitty can’t help thinking about his tattooed noona jerking him off with one hand and the other on his mouth

Sunoo

Cute boy with his scary noona privileges

Loves how drastic your two aesthetics are (romantic soft core boy + dark metal head noona)

Wants pictures all the time with his hot noona so he can post them on social media and make others jealous

Your thigh tattoos are his favorite since he gets to trace them with his fingers as he lays on your lap with your hand in his hair

Though that can’t be the only reason right?

Poor thing can’t get enough of how your thick tattooed thighs suffocate him as he buries himself into your soaking wet pussy

Plus he loves leaving marks that only you and him can see

Riki

Fake emo boy + Real emo noona

He would most definitely encourage you to get more, just so can have more to play with

He’s such a child that he likes to color in your tattoos and draw on them

He’d love to get a tattoo that matches yours just so can be reminded of you

Adores your stomach and chest tattoos

He thinks they’re so unbelievably cool

Plus they frame your tits so perfectly

He loves how they bounce as he’s fucking open your tight pussy

Makes him cum so hard and so easily

Hot tattoos + bouncing breast = creampie from Riki

[bulbasaursim]

A work of art wow

harvest of purity — sunghoon [ 박성훈 ]

pairing ⦂ sunghoon ⨯ fem. reader

synopsis ⦂ au in which an innocent, shy, and faithful sunghoon takes a summer job as a farmhand. he’s never indulged on his desires until the farmer’s daughter shows him a taste of sin. although riddled with guilt, he cannot deny or escape the new rousing feelings that impurify him. especially when she's set on ruining him every chance she gets.

genre ⦂ smut, slow burn romance, strangers to lovers word count ⦂ 29k tags ⦂ fluff and angst, repressed desires, innocence loss, guilt and shame, exploring relationships, falling in love, southern gothic vibes, summer au, clingy down bad sunghoon, ‘mean’ morally gray reader, both are weirdo loser freaks content advisory ⦂ mdni ! dark-ish content ⚠︎ sexually explicit content in four scenes: handjob, oral (m. rec.), dry humping, thigh fucking, unprotected sex, virginity loss, corruption!kink, degradation!kink, praise!kink, switch!hoon, he whines whimpers and cries; religious themes, concepts, corruption, and criticism; manipulation, animal death, blood, intense scenes, abusive parenting, gun mention and use

note ⦂ poured my heart out. i hope you love it as much as i do. dedicated to my other evil, off-putting, and/or weird girls┊reblogs and feedback encouraged ⇀ playlist ⸝⸝ masterlist 🌾

　You’re not sure what life in your small town was like before you were born. You can imagine it’s not too different from what it is now though. The thing about old country towns is they never seem to change. Open fields and miles of farmland. Two gas stations, one grocery store, a few family owned vegetable stands or in-home produce product shops. Only one notable neighborhood where the majority of the townspeople lived if not hidden somewhere else in the countryside. And too many churches to keep track of if the abandoned ones were included in the count. 

You like to think your parents were happy before you too. Hopeful and optimistic when offered to take over your uncle’s farm. Excited for the next step in their relationship after their marriage. They were the ideal family dream coming to life: high school lovers, engaged after graduation, married, a career handed to them through family with a large property of land and lovely farmhouse. All that was left was to grow that family. To have children to not only help tend the fields and animals but run around barefoot, all smiles, and wide eyed. 

You were positive that it was something they wanted. 

But life couldn’t have been that easy for them; it would’ve been too gratuitous of a blessing.

The day you were born, your father knew there was something greatly wrong with you. He claimed that on the day you ripped your mother open, screaming and crying, that God spoke to him for the first time. He called it divine intervention. Believing the birth of your soul was a red-herring of all that was set to come but God would show him the light, the truth: that you were nothing short of evil and needed saving. 

That year on the farm there was nothing but death. It only furthered your father’s harsh thinking of you. The crops and produce either died or rotted before it had the chance to grow or ripe. The animals were dropping dead from unknown illnesses. Every female livestock that gave birth passed in doing so. Barely any profits were made that year. Taxes were rising and so were the prices of nearly everything. It was a huge toll for your family, especially when raising their first child. Before you were even conscious of the situation everything was already deemed your fault. 

Through the harrowing struggle, your father’s optimism turned to resentment. He claimed that bringing you to the farm was not like bringing a daughter home, but a corrosive parasite. He believed that you were the reason for the life being sucked away from their perfect farm life. So, he turned to the only thing that he could trust to save the family from your curse: God. Begging and pleading through prayers every morning and night to the sky for a better season. 

He studied religion here and there before taking over his brother-in-law's farm but with the farm failing for the first time, he took a change of career paths. He was already well known among the locals, close with the church goers in the community. And somewhere along the way, he managed to start preaching himself. Nearly every christian in your town moved churches to follow where he went. Like sheep to a shepherd. 

If only they knew what you did, what he was truly like behind the closed doors of your home. How his devotion was turning to violence. Day by day, becoming uglier. 

While your father busied himself with his new found family, often away from home on the farm, the crops and animals began to thrive again. Slowly but surely, growing and regaining health. He would say it’s God’s doing, a small taste of His salvation. 

Your early years were mostly troubled by the relationship of your parents. Too young to fully understand their disputes, drawing at the kitchen table with their yelling sounding the house. It was always about you, that much you knew. Because you watch and you listen. Quick to learn that they tried for another child but never had any success. They wanted someone else to be their baby. Something that felt more like a blessing than you. Your father constantly spitting in your mother’s face that you were the rot to the fruit of her womb. And then he would always end up leaving by slamming the door and your mother would always join you at the table with tears and a bottle of wine. You always just watched, listening in silence. Perhaps just born resilient.

Growing up was different for you compared to most of the kids in your town. You never had the opportunity to make many friends being homeschooled. The only time that was spent around others your age was kindergarten. Kindergarten was short lived because of your behavior; the teachers at school were concerned about you. How you were mean, rough, and sinister with your actions towards others. Picking on the kids you were simply interested in because of how different from you they were. Drawing pictures of gutted cattle or dead, half developed baby chicks still in their shell and giving them as gifts to the teachers. Sharing to classmates the cruelty of farm life and why it was pretty with a smile. 

Your father loved to find out about this, you could see it in his eyes. The way they were wicked and screamed I told you so to your mother. You didn’t understand why it was bad or caused trouble. You were only having fun for the first time. The way the kids ran away crying or the teachers wore faces of shocked horror, it made your insides light up in joy. A new feeling—a sense of excitement. You didn’t know it was sick. And of course, it was taken from you. You were removed from school and your mother became your teacher. Your classmates became stuffed animals and the real ones in the barns. It was hard for you to find that joy you briefly felt with others. 

Sometimes you had a glimpse of it again when your father would punish you. But even that you grew sick of. The mess, the stench of it all. Sticky and red, worse in the heat of summer. He drilled the sick moto for his actions into your head, “I know no punishment, only mercy.”

Father took you both to church more often after that. He had a false image to uphold afterall, one of a happy, God loving family. In his ego he had to prove that his preaching and prayers could fix you, save you. But that was only admitted at home, loud and scary to your mother. Your poor mother, weak and defensive of you, eventually waved her white flag. You wished she kept fighting for you and that she wouldn’t begin to see you the way your father did. 

Childhood and adolescence was a string of questions about yourself. Never quite finding out what made you so bad to be seen as devilish when all you thought of yourself was curious. Perhaps just unlucky to be correlated with negative happenings on and off the farm, always gone without a chance of understanding. Despite it all, you knew well enough the way your parents talked and looked at you was without unconditional love. 

On your 17th birthday, the family dynamic made the biggest shift to be experienced. 

At this age, you had such a strong sense of independence and with the lack of parental guidance and monitoring, you would leave town when you could. Ride your bike down the long road to the bus stop at the center of town and take the bus into the city over. Your mother was generous with allowance and you saved your money well, only spending it on books or trips to the movie theater. A form of escape that allowed you to learn more about the world and all the things your parents tried to keep hidden from you. A way to learn how to be human. 

So when your father was tearing your room apart in search of the same gift he re-gifts you every year, he found some things that made his stomach churn. Every year for your birthday he rewrapped the same, first ever, bible he’d given you. Funny enough that he gave you anything at all considering he never even referred to it as your day, only his day of revelation. And to his disgust, on his sacred day, he found books and journals of explicitly detailed copulation and debauchery. 

He almost fainted. Stumbling over his own feet, hands shaking as he couldn’t tear his eyes away from the words on the pages. That was the only time you smiled on that day. Just for a second. And then a glimpse of hell broke loose. 

In a rage, he destroyed everything. Your mother stood next to you in tears, telling him to stop and stop. Her hands covered her face but she saw everything through her fingers. You only watched in silence, hands balled in fists by your side. A silent hatred and anger coursed in you. He called you names that no man of God should, especially to his own daughter. 

“You’re a disgraceful deviant of Satan! I should’ve known. My own day of revelation is a curse!” You watched him rip pages apart, his voice booming through the house. “Years spent praying for you and this is how you turn out?! Succumbing to nothing but a dreaming whore?!”

A part of you liked his mean words. It was so rare for him to use such colorful language. 

You knew what would come next. He was going to have you ‘cleansed’. Something he always did when he discovered something new and sacrilegious of you. 

But it didn’t come. Because there was no dying, old sheep on the farm at the time. He did make a promise to not forget though. A promise to have you washed in sacrificial, blessed blood on a day you least expected. 

Your father left after that, leaving you and your mother behind. He moved to the city to continue his preaching at a larger church. He became known as the closest reverend to God for miles and miles. Lost in his ways, he only made visits when he needed to sort things out for the business of the farm.

You were content with his departure, yet couldn’t quite understand why your mother missed him. As far as you’ve seen, he was never kind towards either of you. 

　But now, it’s several years later. And although you’re free of your father’s heavy presence and homilies, he still makes his trips to the farm. You can feel the air change whenever he does, as if you’ve gained a sixth sense for his coming. Naturally intuitive to things having spent your childhood walking on eggshells in your own home. 

And today, the air feels particularly chill for summer. The breeze sweeps in through your open window. The forecast called for nothing but sunshine all week, yet there’s an angry, dark cloud hanging over your farm. A foreboding feeling shivers through you, and you know he’s going to fulfill his promise today. You sigh and slide out of bed. “Let’s get this over with.”

You spend the morning doing your usual routine. Brushing teeth, washing your face, then dressing in farm work attire. Your breakfast consists of tea and your mothers homemade strawberry scone. Next is tending to the animals. Your mother usually takes care of the crops and gardening. It’s a quiet and early morning, as most are. The both of you keep to yourselves, just doing what needs to be done day by day. 

The sound of a car is heard coming down to the long dirt road and you know who it is by the sound. It’s a fancier vehicle than the one he left this property with years ago. A meaner part of you likes to think his greedy hands got into that mega church’s donations but you’re too self aware of the successful farm your family owns. 

Your father parks in front of the house and your mother is quick to rush over to him, presumably with many questions: How have you been? Are you hungry? Thirsty? What brings you here so early in the month? 

You roll your eyes at her desperation to cling onto the relationship that clearly ended when you were a child. 

You place a hand on your hip, leaning your weight to the side that isn’t carrying the heavy bucket of chicken feed. Walking away from the coops and back towards the shed by the house, you make eye contact with your father despite only taking a glance. 

He watches you with narrow eyes from the lowered window of the car he’s still sitting in, very much not listening to a word your mother is saying. 

He calls your name before you can open the shed. Spinning on the heels of your boots, you turn around with raised brows of questioning. 

He mouths the words sacrificial tree as he exits the car. Your mother sees this. She wears pained disappointment as she scurries away. Presumably to the barn where the sheeps and lambs are kept. She might as well be a sheep too, you think. 

The bucket slips from your fingers and drops to the patchy dirt grass by your feet with a thud, spilling over in a mess that will be cleaned later. 

You don’t bother giving him a nod of understanding. You just turn around and begin your walk to the tree line where the man made path is. Knowing it would take some time for his preparations, you walk to the lake that’s hidden behind the farmland. 

It’s a brief walk through your familiar woods. Once at the short wooden dock, you sit down at the end, taking in the gloomy summer scenery. A light fog hugs over the water. You bring your knees to your chest, in your sitting position, and hug yourself the same way. 

This is your favorite place out of all the land your family owns. It’s serene, mostly. Always quiet. You’re the only one who comes here. And it’s nice to swim with when the weather warrants it. There’s a feeling here that’s hard to feel anywhere else you find yourself. Sometimes you imagine what it would be like with someone else, but you doubt it would be as nice. Trouble has a way of following you, it seems. You frown at the thought. 

It’s silent like this for a few minutes, just you trying to find a sense of calmness before the impending chastisement. Then you hear some rustling of leaves, heavy footsteps following. You don’t turn around yet, you only wait for the call of your name. Your time of tranquility is too brief. You sigh before giving yourself a squeezing hug. 

“It’s time,” the reverend calls out loudly, “quickly now, we have new farmhands arriving soon.” The sound of his feet walking away is when you stand. You wave a goodbye to the foggy lake before parting ways. Your feet move unconsciously, taking to where your body knows to go. 

Leaves crinkle underneath your boots and twigs snap. The trees’ branches sway in the gentle morning breezes that pass. 

In the mix of the small forest, man made crosses of sticks or plywood are spaciously scattered. Like a graveyard to all your bad doings. Most small but one large. Old rotted wood that stands crooked and begging to fall over right next to the largest, strongest tree. Your eyes, that are trained to ground, move upwards the cross and then to the tree. Your father stands there with a large knife in hand. Your mother waits cautiously not too far away. Her demeanor is frightful as if this is the first time. Coward.

An old sheep hangs by its hind legs from a sturdy tree branch. Unmoving and defenseless. Big beady, dumb eyes look in all directions but you. You think it must feel the same guilt as yourself, sorry that its life purpose is to embarrass you, make you hate what you are. 

“God told me to make a sacrifice to prove my faith. He guides my hand in washing your soul clean of sin. So here I am with our blessed, dying lamb.” He’s said this every time. His voice is always miserably rehearsed and preacher-esque. 

You thought long ago that this was their, the lambs, only use on the farm. It’s a shame. All that devotion has made him so ugly and violent. 

You make small steps closer to the lamb. It’s whining in bleat baas and mehs. Does it know what’s happening? Is it scared? You like the lambs, sheeps. Pure white, soft, and docile. They never fight back. They just take it. I doubt they need restraints. You could hold them above me just the same and they’d never resist. 

“Move faster, for the love of God. Yeah, stand right there underneath like you know how to.” He instructs you, annoyed. His patience running thin as the distant sounds of a truck makes way down the dirt road to the farm property. 

“Okay…” You don’t fight him, with arms crossed behind your back and a hand squeezing around your own wrist, you move closer. Maybe you’re a lamb too. 

Maybe all your father really was is the executioner. 

He raises the knife as he begins to speak, it slides over its cotton, white throat but does not cut, “Revelation 7:13-17 Then he told me, ‘These are those who come from the great tribulation, and they’ve washed their robes, scrubbed them clean in the blood of the Lamb. That’s why they’re standing before God’s Throne. They serve him day and night in his Temple. The One on the Throne will pitch his tent there for them: no more hunger, no more thirst, no more scorching heat. The Lamb on the Throne will shepherd them, will lead them to spring waters of Life. And God will wipe every last tear from their eyes.’” He slits its throat in a quick, harsh movement. The blood spills just as fast, squirting spurts of red before it comes pouring down onto you. “Face up,” you obey even though it brings you rage, “it ought to cleanse those unholy thoughts I know that are still in there.” 

Head raised to the sky with eyes and mouth squeezed shut, you let it consume you. Warm, thick and wet washes down from your head onto your clothes then down to your feet. The smell of animal, metallic iron covers you. It’s sticking to your hair, eyebrows and lashes. You can already feel your clothes clinging to your skin in the dirtiest ways. 

You stand there, drenching in the its blood. Your father speaks again, firm and slow, “Say it with me now, ‘I know no punishment, only mercy.’” All you feel is the animal’s rain of life flooding you.

You open your mouth to speak but are quick to spit and cough out the blood that manages to get into your mouth. Smack. 

“I don’t have time for this,” his voice sounds like an echo, your head is ringing from the harsh swing of his hand. The skin of your cheek stings. He hits like a bitch, you think. “Say it with me now, dammit!” You can feel him wipe his bloodied hand on the side of your shirt. 

You step back from under the red shower. “I know no punishment, only mercy.” Your words align with his in the perfect paced harmony you’re trained to do so. Enunciated, slow and strong, through gritted teeth.

There’s a beat of silence before the sound of your parents footsteps walking away. 

Standing there in red, yet to open your eyes, you breathe out a shaky sigh of defeat. It sounds more like a growl. With the mostly clean hands you kept safely behind you, you bring them up to wipe the blood from your face. You don’t dare to look at the dead animal in front of you. Being covered in it is enough alone to make you feel sick. 

You think of going back to the lake, jumping in and letting the blood wash off you there, but knowing you’d either walk back with further drenched clothes or naked didn’t seem like options you wanted to deal with either. So you just head back to the house. It’s a slower walk than need be, but you just felt like avoiding the eyes of the newcomers, hoping they’d be off in the fields or in a barn by the time you walk through. You feel numb. 

You’re wrong though, by the time you’re passing the barns and coops, the group of new farmhands are already lined up outside the horses’ stable. Your mother is talking to them, although not all are paying attention. Only a few pairs of wide eyes follow you. Catching the sight of you must really shock them but you can’t blame them. Something about this makes you excited. You stop in your tracks and look around to see if your father’s car is gone. It is. The realization feels like a wave of relief and it suddenly feels brighter outside already. 

You take a glance down to your disheveled appearance. Shirt, pants, and boots painted like the barns. You look back to the group, brushing the soiled hair back from your face. Some pieces stay stuck, in the early stages of drying against your skin.

It’s safe to have a little fun. 

You begin a slow walk over to the group. You take a headcount and there’s five of them. Two younger men, closer to your age. The other three look a bit older, not by much but definitely older. Your mother is yet to turn around from whatever rundown she’s giving them. Too dense to even recognize that now none of them were paying any attention to her. 

You creep up beside her and open with, “Hello,” your voice is louder than even you’ve heard it be in a long time. It’s nice to be heard, noticed. You usually avoided the farmhands, but this summer was going to be different. You decided this on the walk over. 

Being cooped up on the farm for so long made you different, it’s obvious to anybody. Not properly socialized in your developmental years caused you to be an anomaly to the ones who did come across you. Enigmatic from far away and up close. Now isn’t the greatest example though, the situation is too clear as to why. 

Your mother turns to you, gasping and jumping back slightly in the shock of your gross state and sudden introduction. “My goodness, girl, whatta ya doin’ here like this?” Her voice is hushed, clearly unsettled with the situation. 

They all just stare at you, open mouthed and bewildered. You take the time to get a good look at each of them up close. Your eyes follow their faces individually down the line. And then they stop. 

At the end of the line is a man more beautiful than the ones you’ve seen in the movies. You feel stuck in time, left with parted lips, staring at the man before you. And far too intently for your character. He stands tall, sharp, pale, and elegant. What is a boy like this doing here? He averts his eyes from you, clearly uncomfortable by what’s before him. He looks uneasy, shifting his weight foot to foot with his hands behind his back. His pretty eyes glance around from you to your mother to the other men and the ground. He simply doesn’t know what to do with himself. You find it dangerously darling of him. 

You don’t even realize the small smile that takes your lips. You step closer to him and he steps back, now looking at you with wide eyes of small fear. You extend your hand to him, it’s coated in drying blood. He gulps and the sight, his adam’s apple bobbing in such a biteable neck stirs something in you. This will be far more fun than you intended. 

You say your name softly for introduction and step a little closer, “Nice to meet you," you feign cuteness as much as you can, looking up at him through your blood clumped lashes. It’s clear to everyone there is something off; there’s little to no real emotion behind your voice and face. 

Your mother eyes you suspiciously as you corner the handsome man, but she says nothing. Sometimes she fears you too. 

He looks from your eyes to your hand, having an internal battle with himself on what to do, “Ah, I am Sunghoon... Nice to meet you too.” His politeness must be stronger than his frighteness, because he takes his hand in yours and shakes it gently. His hand is large in yours, nearly covering it entirely. You squeeze it hard, your eyes never leaving his, trapping him in the scene. 

He wants to look away, to hide somewhere. The way his skin crawls tells him he’s a prey already in the mouth of a predator. And you know he’s nervous under your intense gaze because your hand feels like a lamb is still bleeding above you. His palms are sweating, and it’s nowhere near hot enough for that yet. Your smile grows to a smirk. 

Although you’re wearing the lamb, having Sunghoon’s hand in yours made you feel like a wolf. 

　Sunghoon’s first day of his summer job starts off duller than he imagined. The sun isn’t out this morning and it only intensifies his anxiousness, as if the grey skies reflect his inner emotions. He’s already new to the area, away from home and staying in an apartment not far from his college in the city. A private, christian school that he studied hard to get into with his friend. He wishes his best friend and roommate, Jake, was joining him in this job, but Jake already had plans to teach at a summer soccer camp for kids through their school. 

He found this opportunity through the college church they attend together. A reverend from another church in the city came to visit one Sunday, handing out flyers to the young men in hopes of finding farm help. The pay is good and the bus fairs to the small town over where the farm’s located is covered. He’s never done work like it before, nevertheless was he going to let a simple offer pass him up. 

Things are going smoothly to start, being told how to care for, clean, and feed the animals to crop preservation. Everyone would have their own specific roles on the farm. Sunghoon was assigned the easier of the tasks, either feeding animals or watering and fertilizing the vegetables and fruits crops. He learns there are already regular farm workers that would come throughout the week to collect produce, material, and use the machinery for the more laborious work. And if she wasn't around when needed then they could ask any of the regular employees for assistance or find her at the house. 

As the farm owner is about to give details on the horses’ maintenance, a girl saunters in. And the anxious feelings become of Sunghoon all over again. His eyes are wide, taking in her appearance. The smell of the farm dissipates and putrid copper takes over. The worst part is how calm she appears, and the fact that she’s unbothered with all that she wears. 

He thinks his brain short circuits, everything seeming muffled and unreal. He doesn’t even realize he introduced himself or touched her. It all was too quick and unfamiliar for him to grasp. 

He watches as she walks away, back to the house that sits slightly over the hills and valleys of the property. His expression is blank, blinking slowly at the strange girl then down to his hand that’s stained red too. 

“Don’t pay her no mind,” the woman speaks up, she sounds as if she’s warning them. “Just get yer work done and when everyone’s finished y’all can head back home. I won’t ask too much of ya in yer first month here, alright? That might be a different story later.” She tries to end the statements in humor with her forced laugh. 

Sunghoon nods but his eyes don’t leave his dirty hand. The other men nod along too and give their ‘yes, ma’ams’ in return. 

The woman continues walking them around the farm, listing rules and guidelines they must follow, along with advice and tips for the work they’ll be doing. 

The day flows as easy as it can for Sunghoon. He doesn’t talk much with the other farmhands. He also doesn’t know them well enough to be comfortable in their conversations, so he just exists in awkward silence, sometimes reacting. While they can joke around and find fun in the work, his mind keeps wandering off to the girl from earlier, to you. How your empty eyes held onto his and small hand even tighter. He thinks the palm of his hand still burns from the interaction. 

Around the afternoon time, Sunghoon and the guys are sitting around a picnic table near the house. The sun is beating down on them all now while they chug down water and eat their lunch. The owner was kind enough to provide their refreshments and meals. They were all thankful. 

She adds that there’s a small lodge up the dirt road. It’s a little old but homey and has space with two spare bedrooms if they need to wash up or rest at any time. It was originally built for the farm workers that worked late and needed a place to stay if need be. 

Once done, the boys stand up and talk about what they have left to do. The next bus back to the city isn’t running for another two hours so they speak of taking some leisure time and exploring the farm property. Meanwhile Sunghoon is still sitting, watching them huddled in conversation. He wipes some sweat off his forehead with the back of his hand as they begin walking towards the fields.

Sunghoon, taking what the farm owner had mentioned previously, decides that he’d like to stay inside to get away from the beating sun for a while. So he gathers his trash to throw away in the bin by the road near the house’s mailbox and begins his walk to the lodge. 

Once inside he takes in the rustic, outdated furniture. It’s a little dusty and the floorboards creak beneath his feet but he finds it somewhat comforting. The living space has two couches by an old stone fireplace, a center table with board games and cards, a kitchenette, and a large dining table with enough space to seat six people. 

The decor is very farmers-life-esque. From a cow print rug in the small kitchen area to the antlers mounted on the wall near the dining table. There’s scenic southern paintings hung up along with antique crosses and prints of bible verses, all adoring the faded and peeling floral wallpaper. Above the fireplace hangs a painting depicting Jesus healing a blind man. 

He walks down the only short hall in the lodge to find the two spare bedrooms the woman had mentioned along with a bathroom. He takes this time to wash his hands thoroughly and splash some cold water on his face. With his hands resting on the sink, he stares at himself in the mirror. The cold drops of water slip down his face, jaw, and back into the sink. 

In his mind he’s questioning whether or not he’s sure of this job. It’s all too different from what he knows and he can’t help but feel out of place here. With a sigh, he drops his head and watches the water slip down the sink. 

He jumps slightly at the sudden sound of the front door opening and closing, not expecting the others to join him here quite yet. No noise follows the action for a moment, not even footsteps. Then there’s the sound of a click, like the door is being locked. He straightens his posture and peaks out the bathroom door, listening for their voices or any sound other than silence. It offers nothing to him so he begins to feel tense. 

“Hello?” Sunghoon calls out skittishly, but there’s no response. His heart rate picks up a little and he starts to think the boys are trying to pull some sort of childish prank on him. He leaves the room and makes slow steps down the hallway to the main area of the lodging house. 

As he rounds the corner he doesn’t find any of the boys there though, he just sees you. His heart jumps at the realization. Sitting on the couch, in overall shorts and nothing else. Bare legs crossed and hands against the couch by your sides as you watch him peer around the corner with apprehension. You’re  just sitting there, leaning forward and waiting for him to come find you. 

Cowardly, Sunghoon makes a half turn. He presses his back against the wall of the hallway as if he could hide away or disappear into it. He even closes his eyes, thinking of a quick prayer to save him from this circumstance. 

“Are you pretending to be shy or are you really this cute?” Your voice is teasing, and he can hear the wicked smile in it without seeing. 

Feeling caught, he just sighs and slowly makes his way to the living area. He tries not to look at you, thinking you are too revealing. So he looks everywhere else and then to large windows that give view to the farm; none of the guys are in sight. Most likely somewhere goofing off. All he can see is the fields and farm buildings standing large in the distance. 

He doesn’t move and speaks softly, “I should probably go find the others-”

You speak before he can finish his attempt of an excuse, “Come sit with me.” You pat the space on the couch next to yourself. Your voice sounds welcoming but he knows there’s an undertone of mischief. 

He makes a quick glance to you and sucks in a breath at the view of your body that’s exposed from your overalls. The glimpse of the curve of your breast disappearing under the denim already makes him feel like he’s seen too much of you. And he has. He’s never seen such bare skin on a girl and he’s never been alone in a room with one either. 

“Come sit with me, now.” You’re more stern this time, demanding in a gentle way. Your hand makes small movements, soothing over the material of the couch like you’re warming the space for him. 

He visibly swallows as he makes his hesitant steps over to you. His heart is racing and with every beat there is a question of his strength. He sits down on the same sofa but not directly next to you like you want. You smirk nonetheless and turn to face him, sitting with your legs criss-cross now. 

With your elbows to your knees you hold your head in your hands, watching the side of his face. You’re again realizing how sculpted his features are. Dark thick hair on his head, eyebrows and lashes too. An array of moles sprinkle his pale face. A sharp nose that sits above pink, full lips. You wonder if he knows of his own beauty. It’s fascinating to see such a person like him in front of you. 

He’s sitting with perfect posture, not relaxing into the couch. Alert like a deer that’s waiting for too sudden of movement to pounce away. His eyes just watch the table, reading through the names of the board games that lay there as a way of distracting himself. He’s awkward. 

“Uhm… d-does your family own this farm?” he tries for small talk to break the silence. His bottom lip finds itself between his teeth as he makes one quick look over to you. Luckily your overalls sit high up or he’d have a full view of your chest. He can’t help but think of the fact and it makes him shift uncomfortably. 

“Do I make you nervous?” you question, seriously so. Brows pulled tight in a furrow with a straight face. You lean in even closer to him, watching for every change on his face. 

“Yes,” his response is honestly quick and ends with a tight lip, like he’s holding his breath. He is yet to comprehend what is happening, still in a whirlwind of thoughts of what could—will—happen. 

“Why?” Your head tilts slightly to the side, it makes him think of his roommate briefly. And man does he wish he were here to ease the tension. 

He doesn’t want to admit that he’s never been in such close proximity with a girl alone before, so he just clears his throat and remains quiet after doing so. 

Curiously, you bring a hand up with a pointed finger and brush the tip of it over the mole on the side of his nose. He jolts back at the sudden touch, his cheeks flushing a warm pink. His eyes now watch you with gentle confusion. He touches the same spot you did with a trembling hand. 

“You have a constellation on your face. So many moles… Do you have a girlfriend?” 

His face burns a little more, both from the observation and the question. He shakes his head, sitting himself further into the couch and further away from you. He can’t quite understand the situation. Are you messing with him? You seem too serious for such. Maybe you’re just weird like he initially thought. Either way he can feel his faith slipping; he is cupping holy water in hands during an earthquake. 

“Did I do somethin’ wrong? Am I not pretty?” You pout to be playful with him, acting as if his actions are offending you. He takes it literally though. 

“No!” his hands rest on his knees and he holds them hard, trying to find stability despite sitting down. “Y-you are… pretty,” his words grow quieter, like he’s sharing a secret. “I just don’t know you or why you want to talk to me.” 

“Hm.” You lean your head back against the couch. With your eyes still on his face, you speak just as quietly, “I’m still trying to figure that out too.” After some beats of muted air you speak up again, but with more presence, “You came to work here. Why?” 

“A man was handing out flyer ads at the church. I wanted a summer job.” 

Is he always this direct and boring? And church, of fucking course. You roll your eyes, pushing yourself off the back cushion and even closer to the man. Your knees touch the side of his body and his thigh. He looks like he’s trying to control his breathing, to feign lack of disturbance, but his face says everything you need to know. 

You place a hand on his thigh and his whole body stiffens at the action. Your smirk to yourself. It’s only resting there on the top of his jeans. “You act like a girl has never touched you before.” You give him a soft squeeze and he sucks in a sharp breath. “Well? Has a girl ever touched you?” 

He shakes his head quickly, “No,” he breaks, feeling overwhelmed and wrong, “and I don’t think you should be. It’s against the churches values-”

“At your age you still follow the rules?” Your hand slides lower and back up his thigh, it’s a slow and teasing motion. There’s enjoyment in how scared he’s becoming. 

Sunghoon knows that this is only going to lead him down a path he swore to God not to take. And if his parents were to know that in his first year away from home in the summer since college was locked in a lodge with a promiscuous girl he’d have it handed to him. The thought of their wrath makes him shiver all the more. 

“I just don’t want to sin.” His eyes close and he bites down onto his lip again. He no longer cares if a stranger sees him as a loser or prude. His virtue is being tested in real time, and he’s feared facing this battle many times in the night because even in his dreams he loses. 

“I’m only touching you. How is it a sin?” The tone of your voice changes, it’s soft like the hand that moves closer to in between his thighs. Your fingertips press into his clothed skin here and there, curiously feeling him up. You just try to get a reaction out of him. There’s a warm feeling in your stomach that you don’t recognize; it’s faintly familiar. 

“Your hand isn’t supposed to be… there.” He makes a strained sound, something like a low whine, as your hand ghosts over his cock. 

You look down to your movements for the first time and realize he’s sporting a half chub. You snicker quietly, cupping him in your palm. “Then why are you getting hard, Sunghoon? Do you like the way I’m touching you? I bet you’ve thought about doing this before too.” 

He makes another noise, a whimper. He can’t bring himself to open his eyes and accept what’s happening. He also can’t find it in himself to stop you, or get up and leave. This wasn’t just a struggle with evil’s temptation but his own biological nature. Something yet to be explored, something that’s been scratching at his ribcage for years to be fed. 

There’s too much he can’t admit in this moment. Starting with how he enjoys the sound of your voice, the slight accent and dialect difference he picks up. How the way his name leaves your lips makes him want to crumble like a burning church. And how he silently likes the fact he can’t control the way his body is reacting to your hands on him. 

It’s all wrong, wrong, wrong. And he is weak.

“Answer me, Sunghoon.” Your hand presses down on him, feeling the growing hardness under your palm. You give him a small squeeze, massaging over the bulge. To your surprise he feels big. Your eyebrows quirk at this and then you look back to his face. A single tear runs down his face and you find satisfaction in it. “Lying is a sin too,” you remind him. 

“I’m sorry,” he whispers, his hands fist the couch cushions at his sides. He grips the material so tight that his knuckles turn pink through the pale of his skin. His chest rises and falls through slow and deep breaths. 

“You shouldn’t feel sorry for something that makes you feel good.” You palm over him a few more times, drawing out little moans and whimpers from him. He’s struggling to sit still. You can even feel him try not to push his hips back up into you; if only he would admit that he wants it. He’s practically pulsing beneath you, like there’s never been such a rush of blood to his cock in his life. You sigh dramatically and pull your hand away from him, sitting back to give him space. “That’s too bad. A good dog will always be loyal, huh?”

His eyes shoot open when he feels your hand is gone. He looks at you desperately with wet eyes, a small pout to his lips. You make him feel sick for wanting to ask why you stopped, or if he did something bad for you to take away his short-lived pleasure. 

You smirk at his expression, so pitifully beautiful with want. “Have you ever touched yourself?” you ask, placing your hand over his that hasn’t let go of the couch. It takes you back when he flips his hand around to hold onto yours, clingy and wretched. His thumb brushes over your knuckles. Repulsed, you react quickly and take your hand away from him at his impulsive intimacy. It makes him frown with a meek whimper. 

He shakes his head slowly, looking down to his lap. “I can’t.” He knows he’s not allowed to. His father was adamant through his puberty that he mustn’t succumb to his body’s natural taste for sin. He was told that sometimes the devil had a funny way of sneaking into a man’s mind. That Satan would haunt boys in their sleep to wake them up with guilt of uncontrollable lust to be like him. 

“But you like when I do it, right?” You rest your head on his shoulder and look up at him. His eyes look from your face to the thin opening of your overalls where your chest can be seen from the angle. He bites down hard and nods slowly. You coo, moving your hand back to his still hard, clothed cock. “I can make it go away if you want. You want that?” 

He’s battling all the repressed things he’s been too afraid to explore; fearful of the swing of his parents belt he felt once long ago after being caught in a misunderstanding. In spite of it, he nods again. “It hurts.. Please, help me.” His voice is so quiet. Even he doesn’t want to hear his own pathetic begging. 

Your fingers find the zipper of his jeans then you tug it down slowly as you stare at him. “You have to pull them down for me, okay? I can’t help you with just this.”

Sunghoon freezes for a second knowing he has control over being the one to take out his own cock. Yet apprehension leaves in a breath. Then he’s pulling the clothing down to his knees with frantic haste. You didn’t expect him to take everything off so fast but there’s a sense of pride in how eager you’ve made him become in such a short time. 

You weren’t sure what to expect, but it certainly wasn’t this. His cock is as beautiful as him. Pale and raging pink, crying at the tip much like his eyes. He’s also big, bigger than you knew dicks could be. You thought they’d be ugly, gross and worm-like. But his is clean and pretty. It’s your first time seeing one in person; you wouldn’t let him know that. 

You take him bare in your hands, feeling him like a foreign object. More curious of his body than in his pleasure in the moment. His body tenses then relaxes against the couch. A shaky, breathy moan leaves his lips. His eyes flutter at the contact of skin. 

You squeeze him, making his moan weakly again. It’s heavy in your hand. Truly just a stick of warm flesh. A part of you wants to squeeze him as hard as you can just to see if it can break, but you withhold on hurting him for now. Not wanting to scare him too much in hopes of exploring him further through the summer. 

Your hand wraps around the length as much as it can, pads of fingertips brushing over every vein and curve as you slowly move your hand up and down. When your thumb circles around his tip and flicks the leaking hole, his body lurches forward with a loud cry of a moan from him. You wonder if he’ll cum in the next few seconds of simply touching him. 

“I think you’re a slut for a little pleasure, Sunghoon.” You use your palm to gather his precum, circling over the tip to smear the thick cream around. Then you drag it back down himself, wetting his cock in his own prerelease. It slides easier now, your hand. You move faster, jerking him off in lazy, inexperienced motions. Not that he would know anyways. “You gave into lust so easily, didn’t you? Must’ve wanted this for so long. Your body’s nasty, eager for it.”

In his ears, you make the nasty words sound delicious. And he wants to devour more and more, like the starved man he is. His hips snap up into your hard, sudden and rough. You wrap your free arm over his shoulders, a hand sneaking up into his hair to tug aggressively on the thick dark locks. You’re pulling his head back, forcing him to look at you. “Don’t be a whore. I’m helping you. I didn’t say fuck my hand.” 

“Ahsh- I’m sorry, I’m sorry…” he whines, tears burning his eyes, “it, it f-feels good. I feel so good.” His head falls to lean against yours, face burying into your hair. His head makes little shakes as he begins to cry, telling himself no, no. 

“Shut up...” You don’t like how close he is to you. You only like doing so to tease him, but when he does it, it makes you feel a fiery anger in your chest and belly. Uncomfortable. Smothering.

Your hand works in sloppy motions. Pumping his pulsing cock to reach his orgasm. At the tip your wrist makes flicks with your thumb, working him up further and further. 

He stutters out incoherent apologies into your hair throughout his sobs of wanton, whimpering moans. Everything about his body is sensitive to the new sensations. He can’t help but move his hips up into your hand, humping the small fist that’s fucking down onto him. 

Confused by the warm, tight feeling flexing of his abdomen he whines against you, “I can’t- I can’t take it. My body feels weird now. Mmph, ‘m sorry. I don’t know what’s h-happening.” His body feels volcanic, ready to burst. 

You continue your movements, jerking his reflexing length until he’s cumming into your hand. It’s a heavy load of thick, creamy mess. His voice is too close to your ear as he moans a drawn out needy sound. Your face remains plain while you pump him until he’s milked dry. His body flinches and curls into yours through the aftershocks, clearly overstimulated and over-sensitive. His arms snake around your waist to pull you against him.  

You stare down at your hand that was earlier covered in the blood of a lamb and now the cum of a virgin. It looks like fucking snot, you realize with repulse. Without thinking you bring your hand up and lick the strange release. Your face scowls at the unknown taste so you just wipe the rest on your overalls. “You are disgusting,” you mutter. 

Sunghoon remains silent aside from his sniffles, eyes peeking through his bangs to watch what you’re doing. He still hasn’t stopped clinging to your side, as if you could save him from his first lustful sin. 

You push yourself up and off the couch, his body slightly falls to the side where he was leaning on you but he catches himself. He watches you with sad, scared eyes. You stare blankly in return then look out the window to see the group of men walking around the picnic table they ate at earlier. 

“Farmhands will be leaving soon. Clean yourself up in the bathroom.” You don’t spare him another look, you just walk to the front door, unlock it, and leave. You ignore the way he looked like a sad abandoned puppy. Something about it angered you in the same way he was being clingy. 

You walk back to your house with a slight skip to your steps. As you step through your front door, you’re about to head upstairs to your room but stop in your tracks because your mother speaks.

“Hate him all ya want,” your mothers words slur, she speaks slowly and tired-like, “but he was a good man. He used to love me… And then you came along.” You turn to the living room on your left where your mother lays on the couch, wine glass in hand and eyes heavy lidded. “I know what yer capable of. I’ve seen the things ya do on this farm, in this home.. When ya think no one is watching.. He just might be right about you.” You glare at her now. “There is something evil in ya, child. Leave that boy outta yer wickedness.” 

Her wine glass falls to the floor from her fingers and she groans, turning to her side. You stare at her for a moment before walking up to your room. 

Meanwhile Sunghoon spends his next 20 minutes in a spiral of guilt and shame. He cleans himself up in the restroom like you told him to. Then waits, watching outside the window for when the boys are gathered around the truck they drove in from the bus stop to leave in. It was hard for him to get the tears to end. He fell right into sin’s lustful trap and it made him feel so- No, it only made him feel hurt. Stupid. Bad. 

On his bus ride back into the city he prays. Sitting in back, alone with his indignity, and head bowed low so no one could see his red rimmed, glossy eyes. Time goes by so fast that he nearly misses his stop to get off. 

He ignores his roommate when he’s home. Jake, excited and curious of Sunghoon’s first day, is left cold. Sunghoon showers for longer than usual. He scrubs so harshly at his skin he turns red; unable to feel clean no matter how much he washes. He doesn’t eat dinner because he feels he doesn’t deserve to. He gets into bed earlier than most days too. He tries to sleep but the day haunts him, keeping him awake. 

He’s up all night in tears, face in his pillow with the blanket thrown over his head, trying to hide from He who watches. The begs of forgiveness seem endless. 

“Dear God,” he whimpers, “Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned.” He doesn’t sleep much that night because he can’t find it in himself to stop humping into his mattress in hopes to chase and achieve the feeling you gave him earlier. His hips rock his aching hard cock into the bed, anguished yet titillated. “Please, forgive me. Forgive me. I’m so sorry.” He continues to cry, drowning in his pillow, knowing he will do it again. 

　The next day on the farm is an early morning for everyone. Sunghoon sits quietly in the truck with the other summer volunteer farmharms. They talk amongst each other about the day’s schedule of duties and tasks. He struggles to keep his eyes open, head leaning against the window despite its bumps from the uneven dirt road. He thought about calling it quits on the whole job after yesterday, but couldn’t bring himself to. It’s for selfish reasons too. The ones that deepen his guilt. 

The arrival to the farm is quicker than anticipated. Sunghoon forces himself to be more alert and awake, starting to pick up on the conversations between the others as he exits the parked truck. 

“Do you think it’s still hanging there?” One says. “The lamb of slaughter?” Another dumbly asks with a snort. “Well yeah, dipshit. You guys think that girl did it? She was weird as hell.” A third voice chimes in, “Being covered in blood and then leaving a dead animal hanging from a tree is creepy as fuck. The lady was right, stay the hell away from her.” He laughs. The others walk away in continuous chatter, leaving Sunghoon by the truck. 

Sunghoon is confused by this conversation and deeply disturbed. He doesn’t follow or press them with questions though. But it will give him much to think about for the day. He’s so exhausted from the lack of sleep, he wonders if he even heard them all correctly at all. Yeah, your whole introduction was strange but killing an animal and acting like nothing happened and then toying with him on the same day? Was all that really something a girl like you would do? He can’t say for sure because he doesn’t know you. 

He goes about his morning tasks lazily. His mind is too busy with the thoughts of you. He thinks of when or if he’ll see you today. You haven’t shown around the farm all day. It’s only an hour before noon, he tries to rationalize with himself. He still ponders throughout his work. What time will you come? Will you mysteriously show up like yesterday? Will you touch him again? Will you let him feel good? Is he forgivable or going to burn in hell for wanting more?

He shakes his head to rid it of the thoughts. Perhaps he’s too hopeful. After lunch time he goes back to the farmers lodge to take a nap. At least that’s the realistic excuse he used. He struggles to even fall asleep because he’s so anxious about listening for any sound of you possibly coming back here. 

His eyes, sullen and tired, just can’t stay open after half an hour of waiting. So eventually he does fall asleep. You never show up. When he wakes up from his long needed nap he somehow feels worse knowing you didn’t visit than he did committing his first sin. 

The following day of work is a repeat. He doesn’t see you at all yet you occupy all of his thoughts. He thinks badly of himself for many reasons. 

　On the fourth day, you finally decide it’s time to check up on the poor boy. You watched Sunghoon mope around the farm for two days and it was cute at first but you’re getting bored again. You did like how his eyes were always searching around, hopeful that every sound he heard from behind or around corners was you. Knowing you had such an effect on him made you wonder how much more you could do to him. 

From the window of your room, you watch when they all arrive. Your mother greets them like she does in the mornings and gives them all tasks that need to be completed for the day. It’s Thursday which means she’ll be out for a few hours to go into town and sort out business for products: cow and goat milk processing for cheeses and soaps. At least you assume considering you overheard her phone call about such the day prior. 

You spend the morning around the house, reading and snacking on fruits, waiting for your mother to leave so you can proceed with your plan. There was some effort into your appearance today. You wear a spaghetti strapped white babydoll dress, lined at the bottom with sewn embroideries. It’s simple and flows nicely above your knees when you walk. You hate it because it alludes to soft purity but at least it feels good to dress light in the summer heat. And it might make you all the more approachable to feeble Sunghoon. 

After about an hour, your mother finally leaves. You give it about 10 minutes before you’re shoving on your boots and leaving the house. Some of the blood from earlier in the week still stains the brown leather; you did clean them off but clearly not to the best extent. You’re okay with that though, it seems prettier this way to you. 

Looking and walking around the property, you see the scattered farmhands busy with different things. The sun isn’t kind today, it’s piercing in brightness and temperature. The sweat begins to seep from your pores in a matter of minutes, making you feel sticky. You run a hand through your tangled hair, fingers getting caught in unbrushed knots that you yank through anyways. You don’t see Sunghoon anywhere that’s directly under the sun. You continue to search around the farm, gaining a few cautious looks from the other workers. As you walk past their gazes you wear a wry smile with a tilt to your head. They look away quickly after being caught staring. 

Some wandering in and out of the different barns and coops are done. He wasn’t in any of them though.  You greet the animals you pass by and give pats to some of the cows. “Have you guys seen him nearby? I’m not a fan of hide and seek.” You mumble to one of the goats, scratching lightly beneath its chin while it chews away at grains and hay. It maas in return. You pull your hand back out from the stable then leave to continue the manhunt. 

It’s when you’re walking by the horses’ stables that you see they’ve already been cared for, telling you that someone was here already. You glance to the smaller shed nearby, having a suspicious inkling that it's where Sunghoon is. You walk to the shed and see yourself inside. And he is. He has his back turned to you, standing at a work bench table and cleaning something off. 

You walk up behind him, the sound of your footsteps being dulled by the scattered hay on the wooden floors; he doesn’t notice that you entered the space, clearly lost in his own thoughts. You tap his shoulder which makes him spin around in surprise, dropping the brushes he was cleaning. 

Sunghoon’s eyes are wide at the sight of you standing so close to him. You can tell he’s lost sleep by the dark circles around his eyes and how his complexion is impossibly paler. His mouth is stuttering to find words, opening and closing. 

You step closer to him and he steps back, his backside now pressing against the table. It wobbles on the uneven wooden stilts that hold it up. Reflexively, his hands reach back to hold onto the table, but he’s using it for his own stability. You simply stand there in between his legs, staring up at his face and taking in all the details that differ from the last time you saw him. He swallows, quietly watching your face in return. 

“I haven’t seen you around.” Sunghoon speaks first, his voice a soft surrender. You feel his breath on your face. 

“I know. I saw you though. You missed me.” You state bluntly, taking note of the little fangs he has for teeth. He probably bites good, you think, licking the back of your own teeth. 

“If you saw me then why didn’t you…” he trails off into a quiet again, closing his eyes for a moment with a sigh. “I wouldn’t call it that.” His eyes open again as he feels your hands on his chest, sliding up his white tank and underneath the sleeves of his denim jacket to his shoulders. He bites down, suddenly stiff. 

Ignoring his response you continue, “How can you wear this when it’s so warm out?” Your hands slide over his shoulders and down his toned arms, the jacket slips down to reveal the toned limbs. Your eyebrows raise at the sight yet your face remains relatively blank. “You’ve got muscle. Good for farm work.” Small hands continue to run over the smooth milk-like skin, learning every curve of his lean built physique. It’s not sexual, just exploratory. 

Sunghoon sucks in a breath, watching you inspect him. He begins to feel flustered, relishing in the contact of skin on his. You notice his tense body and ask him if it’s okay, to which replies a raspy stutter, “Y-yeah.” Your hands slide down his arms and back up to his shoulders. Then down his chest and body to stop at the waistline of his jeans. He has a nice body; he must be athletic. You don’t care to ask in what ways. Your fingers dip into his jeans just slightly to pull him in closer to you, he gasps, his growing cock pressing against your stomach. 

“Sunghoon,” You ridicule him, tsking under your breath at the pressure you feel of his arousal. “Already?” You look up at him but he can’t meet your eyes, feeling embarrassed. You play with the waistline, your fingertips running back and forth between the denim and his skin. “Is this sinning?” It’s a soft question yet mocking. He only shakes his head, nervously gnawing at his bottom lip. “Do you want to?” He whimpers, slowly nodding his head. You take your hands off him, crossing your arms. “You have to tell me. Look at me and tell me.” 

He looks back at you dispirited. He knows that you know what he wants. And here you are making him admit it outloud, both to you and God. “Please.” He begs quietly, hoping it only reaches your ears and not the sky’s. “I want you.” 

There’s that feeling again. The lit match that falls from your throat to the gasoline of your stomach that erupts in flames. Fire to your abdomen and loins; it’s an angry feeling, sparked by his honest admit of want, and for you specifically. You watch him with narrowed eyes while mumbling, “you revolt me.” 

He doesn’t reply to your venomous insult. It stings to hear the degrading words in both his heart and pants; he thinks himself disgraceful too. 

You drop to your knees, hands finding place back on his jeans to undo his zipper. He stares down at you in bated breath, hands still gripping tight on the table behind him. His are pulled down slowly, purposely so. You watch him writher, body and face. “Did you do it again?” you question, looking up at him from below. He would never avow to how the sight of you on your knees alone makes him ache all the more. 

He wants to tear his eyes away from you but he can’t. The image of you in your white dress on the ground before him needs to be burned into his memory. He stutters a mumble of words but you don’t catch anything, if he even said a coherent response at all. You ask again, pinching his thigh. He tries to hum over the strained noise in the back of his throat, “Yes.. I mean no! B-but I didn’t touch myself.”

You try not to giggle, biting the inside of your cheek. Knowing he wanted to feel that way again but couldn’t on his own gave you a funny sense of power over him. One of your hands traces the outline of his hard cock through his boxer briefs. “You make a mess?” He shivers at the feeling of your breath on his suffocating length. He breathes out a ‘no’ while you lick a strip over the material. “Why not? I showed you how.”

He moans softly, trying not to let his hips chase after the feeling that he’s been after for days. “You know I can’t,” he exhales. You roll your eyes, mouthing and licking at him languidly. Your hands are still half tugging at the material that keeps him hidden. A faint pool of precum quickly stains his boxers. 

“Sunghoon,” you look up at him with your chin resting on the bulge. He swallows hard, acknowledging you with a hum. “You will never be free from it. The sin I let you taste will forever linger on the tip of your tongue, begging and licking to taste more in crave. No holy blessed water can possibly cleanse you even if you drown in it.” 

His bottom lip pouts out with a little droning whine. He should defend himself, say that his faith is stronger than he is and that his soul is saveable by mercy. But a part of him also feels that doesn’t want to be. His eyes begin to well with tears. 

“Not even a god could make you pure again,” you give him a small smile and pat his naked thigh before pulling down his underwear. His cock now free slaps his stomach to which he breathes out heavily. You grab him with both hands, giving him one last look before taking the leaking head into your mouth. Hands working on him steadily. 

“T-that’s dirty!” he leans forward with a low sounding moan, his hands on your head and in your hair. Your eyes go wide at this. “Why would you put that in your mouth?!” he gasps, the warm wetness around his tip making him dizzy. “This is so vulgar, oh God, forgive me.” he cries, not pulling your mouth off of him but holding you there. 

You circle your tongue around the tip and over his leaking slit, licking the beads of precum that leak out. It makes your grimace before you lean back, a wet pop as your mouth leaves. “Enough of your penitence, and take your hands off me.” It sounds like a warning to which he complies without question, only a hushed apology. He’s the one who wants to be touched anyways, not you. 

You take him into your mouth again, your lips wrap around him in a painful stretch to accommodate his size. He sits heavy on your tongue that lays flat underneath, doing what you can with it. Your hands at the base work around him, jerking and squeezing him like you did before. You weren’t really sure what you were doing, mainly just mocking the actions you read about in books. It seems to be working for Sunghoon regardless because he can barely hold himself together. Whining and whimpering through fat tears, whole body shuddering from the overwhelming wet heat of your mouth. 

His jaw goes slack, mouth hung open only to elicit a breathless moan. His head rolls back on his neck and his eyes flutter to a close. The feeling of your mouth wrapping around him is hot heaven. His body trembles with the new, sweeping sensation. Stomach already tight with contracting muscles. He thinks he could pass out. 

Watching his face, him, discover and feel pleasurable sin is slightly euphoric to you. You’ve seen it in movies and read of it in books, but it was something you never quite fully explored yourself. There’s been a few instances that you did touch yourself; it always felt empty or like something was always missing. There’s little to no excitement when doing it alone in shameful hiding. Witnessing, causing such debauchery is different somehow. Safer in ways you didn’t dwell in thought on. You do wish he would stop crying about it, you find it pathetic of him in a provoked way. 

Involuntarily, he thrusts himself down your throat with a guttural groan. You gag and cough around him, tears sting your eyes that make you squeeze them shut—refusing to let a single one dare to escape. Now it felt like a challenge. One to which you wouldn’t back down in fear of looking weak. 

Your hands hold his thighs roughly, bruisingly so if you had the strength. You move his body in a small back and forth motion, encouraging him to continue his movements. You’re looking up at him with glazed over eyes and a slight nod. He chokes a sob at the sight, you on your knees not to pray but to devour him.

“Ah, I- I’m sorry. Your mouth is so wet, so warm.” He starts off with shallow thrusts, dragging his cock along your wet muscle. His hips stutter while his world seems to be crashing down. “This is so dirty. You look so dirty. And—ngh—it’s.. it’s so good. It’s so good,” he babbles, pushing himself as far down into your mouth as he can. His tip kisses the back of your throat making you gag around him. Your nails digging into the flesh of his strong legs. He can’t stop moaning and whimpering, becoming a slave to pleasure. 

He watches your face. Hollowed cheeks sucking and swallowing around him, the tightness of your throat around him hugging and contracting through chokes that reverberate your body to his cock. The spit that leaks from your lips and all over him is obscene, such a sinful mess. He so badly wants to grab your head and force himself down further, but his nails dig into the wood of the table instead. 

“Hm, I can’t—” he moans your name, thrusting rougher now. His whole body crumbling in on itself, chasing the feeling of release. 

Then there’s the sound of footsteps and a few voices that follow. Sunghoon sucks in a deep breath, taking a fist to his mouth to bite down onto. He looks at you in fear because of the proximity of the other farmhands right outside. This only makes you smirk around him, a glint of evil in your eyes. He shakes his head hurriedly, stopping his movements—as if that would make you both disappear. 

You push yourself off his cock, licking over your cracked and saliva covered lips. You bring a finger to your lips and shush him. “Be quiet or they’ll find out what a nasty whore you are. Unless you want that.” Your voice is quiet and raspy from the abuse of him fucking himself down your throat. You stare into his eyes intently before taking him back in. He glances from you to the door of the shed, his body shaking. 

You slurp and suck him up, purposely loud and sloppy. A hand jerking off the base that doesn’t quite fit in your mouth. He cries quietly with his mouth open, meek and desperate sounds escape that he can’t withhold. “Please…” He’s whimpering, begging for something that he doesn’t know the context of. 

“Do you think the extra feed is in this one?” A voice questions, the door being opened just a crack. 

Sunghoon quickly tries to bend down for his jeans but you slap his hand away, pushing him back into the table. You grip his thighs and force yourself to take all of him down. You gag around him, eyes never leaving his panicky and fucked out face. His face silently begs for you that enough is enough but you don’t stop, because a part of you knows he doesn’t want you to either. 

“It doesn’t hurt to check, does it?” The other replies with a light chuckle. “Could take a break for some shade too while we’re at it.” The door opens slowly with an agonizing creak, sunlight barely pouring. 

Each passing second feels like an eternity to him. The door is still only cracked, not enough for them to see inside but it’s cutting it close. His cock twitches at the thought of being caught with his dick down the throat of the farmer’s daughter. A blazing adrenaline rushes through him. 

Sunghoon can’t bear it any longer. His hands find purchase on the back of your head, pushing himself completely into your mouth. His hips stutter with a whimper on his lips as the hot cum pours down your throat. “Ah, sh- ngh!” You smack at his legs for him to release the hold, choking for air to breathe. You instinctively swallow around him, consuming his load of sin.  

“You dumbass! The horses are already fed, let’s just go for a water break.” The door slams back on itself to a close. Their footsteps can be heard walking away. 

Sunghoon breathes heavily, letting go of you. His body instantly relaxing back with his elbows on the table to support him. Meanwhile you fall onto your ass, a hand around your throat while you gasp for air through rough coughs. “What the fuck did I say about putting your hands on me?” You rasp before coughing again. The taste of him sits on the back of your tongue no matter how much you swallow. 

“I’m sorry,” he whispers, “we shouldn’t get caught.” He pulls his pants and boxers back up then extends a hand to you, an offering to help you stand back up. 

You scoff, ignoring his hand and stand up on your own. You brush the dirt and stray strands of hay from your knees. “Whatever. We both got what we wanted.” You start to turn for the door to leave the shed with the thought of brushing your teeth in mind. 

Sunghoon, confused as to what you could’ve gotten out of helping him, just reaches for your hand. He grabs you and pulls you back to look at him. His eyes are sad, maybe even a little afraid by your haste to leave. “Y-you’re just going to leave me again?” He sounds broken by the fact. 

“What?” You can’t help but breathe a laugh, “Did you expect me to do more?” You ask with raised brows. 

“No! No, not like that.. But..” He swallows his pride, “I- I don’t know. Just don’t leave yet. Please.” 

You blink at him, scanning his features like a robot in calculation. The pleading of his expression and his words aggravate you. A fiery burning to your insides and the skin that he touches, that he reached for. You look down to his tight grip on your hand before yanking it away. You don’t say anything more, and neither does he. He wipes his eyes from whatever salty wetness is still there. 

A moment of silence solidifies your decision. You beckon him to follow you out and he does. 

For the rest of his work day you remain. You try not to think about why. But subconsciously you know it’s because for the first time someone willingly wants to be by your side. At first you imagine it’s because of what you’ve done for him—gave him what any man desires: pleasure. A man falling into temptation is far too easy. 

Though he doesn’t ask for more and he doesn’t bring it up. Almost like it never happened. 

It seems like he really just wants to be around you. There’s little said between each other. It’s just idle farm work with company. And it’s more peaceful than you expected it to be. He didn’t touch you, question you, or do much at all to bother you in general. 

Sometimes he stares at you, but you do the same to him. He even gives a sheepish smile when he catches you; it doesn’t get returned. That doesn’t bother him though. He thinks you look beautiful on the farm in your dress with dirt covered hands and hair messy from the wind. He hopes to tell you that one day but for now he stays shy, still weary and afraid. 

The sun shines relentlessly unless a cloud mercifully passes by. The breeze is rare yet kind. The animals make their sounds to sing a collective song. The trees and crops sway like waving hands of hellos and goodbyes, depending on where you’re headed to or from. It’s not so bad. 

　Two weeks go by. Time flies by for both you and Sunghoon. He comes to work during the week, and he spends his weekends missing you. He doesn’t know what you two are to each other, and he’s too scared to ask. There’s definitely been changes to the dynamic, however. Subtly so. You still don’t smile, or let him touch you. You roll your eyes and insult him if he’s too emotional. But you’re there. 

Certainly not everyday, but most, you spend his work days with him. It’s easier to be around one another. There can be small talk, usually about the farm or the weather. Still much to be learned about on a personal level, but he’s fine with the pace of the relationship (outside of the unholy acts that are committed). Sometimes you even end up helping him. Or at least he thinks of it that way. In reality you don’t like how he does things and take over to do it yourself. 

You still tease him in your cruel ways. Always ending with him in a mess because he’s easily worked up by your handsy curiosity. He caves into you every time because he can’t fight the divinity that you show him. 

There are other times where you confuse him. You suggest a water break knowing he’d gone hours without hydration under the summer heat. You insist on having him take a break under a roof away from the sun when his skin gets too sweaty or red. Which is followed by a reminder that sunscreen is important if he wishes to keep his milky complexion. It’s critical statements that you provide him, but he can’t help to think it’s a weird way of showing you care. 

Sure, it could be seen as you selfishly saying these things because it’s what you want for yourself, but in the back of his mind he’s very aware of how you watch and cater to him. It makes his heart jump every time and butterflies swarm his stomach. He can’t help it. The little things, the small acts of kindness—that you might not even intend—make him delusionally overthink. 

On the third weekend since starting his summer job, Jake can’t help all the questions he’s been building up and dying to ask. Jake doesn’t understand what Sunghoon has been going through, especially when his moods change so drastically. At first, Sunghoon was self isolating and pouty, clearly in his own head and sulking. But then he would come home from work beaming with an afterglow to his aura. And then on the weekends he was back to his reclusive, depressed state. 

Sick of being left out of Sunghoon’s inner turmoil, Jake finally pesters his friend. 

“When are you going to tell me what’s going on?” Jake stands in the doorway of Sunghoon’s room, staring at his friend who’s laying face down in his bed. 

“I don’t know…” Sunghoon’s words are muffled in his pillow. 

Jake walks in with a sigh and sits at the end of the bed. He playfully slaps Sunghoon’s leg. “Dude, just tell me. You’re obviously going through something. You know I can keep a secret. I won’t judge.” 

Sunghoon rolls over on his back, his hands clasped together over his stomach as he stares up to the ceiling. He confides in Jake, telling his story from the beginning of when he first met you. He stutters over his words when he admits to the sinful acts he partook in with you. He tells Jake of his guilty conscience and how he enjoyed indulging in the feelings. Then he tells Jake about how he simply likes your company even without the sexual circumstances involved. How he’s mystified by your complex personality and only wishes to know you more. However, he does leave out the viciousness of your nature, since a part of him doesn’t quite believe in it. 

“It seems like you’re starting to develop a crush.” Jake laughs lightly, “And if it’s about religion, don’t overthink it too much. Nobody dies completely pure.” He reassures him. “You should show her more of you. That you like her too.” 

Sunghoon groans and covers his face at the terrifying suggestion. If only you were that easy to approach in such a vulnerable way. “I guess… I’ll consider it.” 

The next day is Sunday. Jake and Sunghoon attend church as normal. Sunghoon participates less in his prayers and songs than usual. His mind is too preoccupied with all he has going on in life. He feels guilt and frustration. 

Sunghoon, lost in his own world, fails to realize that his best friend—Jake—battles something similar internally. 

You’re never as alone as you think you are if you take a better look around. Everyone is riddled with their own self disgust, guilt, or shame. How else would the churches be so full? 

　Entering the fourth week of summer should feel easier than it does for Sunghoon. The work seems to be picking up regarding responsibilities. The weather is only becoming less forgivable. The peak is yet to hit, but that only means the seasonal storms are right around the corner. More care is needed in the fields and barns in terms of protection in case of unpredictable weather. 

Aside from the work, Sunghoon is anxious because of you. He hasn’t seen you yet today and he feels nervous about it. Perhaps he has grown too clingy, finding close comfort in knowing you’re there with him on the farm. There’s a sense of safety when you’re in the line of sight; you make things easier for him and he enjoys the presence. 

While he’s watering plants and checking the sprinklings through the fields, an older man approaches him. It’s a familiar face that he’s seen around a few times over the past month. The man waves with a smile and Sunghoon does the same. 

“It’s amazing what you’ve done, boy.” The man begins, Sunghoon questions where he’s going with the start because he’s just an extra hand of help and doesn’t feel he’s accomplished or improved the farm in drastic ways. “I’ve worked here, hm, well I’ll be damned! Nearly 15 years! And I’ve never once seen that farm girl talk to anyone. Much less spend time.” the man chuckles. 

“Oh!” Sunghoon blushes and hopes it’s only mistaken as feverish from the summer. He smiles small and stares down to the bundle of plants he brought with him to the farm today. He feels special knowing this much of you. “She’s something…” 

“Sometimes I’d see her talk to herself and the animals.” The man pulls out a cigarette and lighter to smoke. “She’d walk around aimlessly like a ghost. Used to scare the hell outta me.” As he laughs, smoke escapes his lungs. He wheezes a little before continuing, “But now she follows and watches you like she’s worshipin’. If only she did the same with her daddy. Although with a face like yours, I can’t blame the girl.” 

“Pardon? What do you mean by that?” Sunghoon, bemused, watches the man smoke and laugh between weak coughs. “She has a dad?” His last question is overroad by the man who speaks over him. 

“You keep up your work, kid. I outta get back to mines too.” And then he’s walking away with a low chuckle, shaking his head to himself. 

Sunghoon’s aware of your mother. He always thought it was just the two of you running things. He’s never once seen a man, your father, leave the house or so much so be around it. This gives him more to think about, especially on the fact that he still doesn't know much about you at all. You’re still an enigma to him, but he wants everything. 

By the afternoon when all the guys are finishing up their break, you finally come out of the house. With the sound of the front door opening, Sunghoon is quick to straighten his posture and find your eyes. You’re already looking at him, watching him and his surroundings with no expression. His cheeks burn and he can’t help the smile forming on his lips. 

Two and a half days without seeing you feels like so much longer. 

He stands up from the picnic table, grabbing his newspaper wrapped bundle of greenery and shyly hiding it behind his back. He walks over to you, tripping over his feet as he approaches the porch steps to the house. You stand there in front of the door but at the top of the few stairs, arms crossed and amused. 

He’s diffident, arms behind him and modestly attempting to hide how nervous he feels on the inside. His stomach is doing flips, his heart racing. On top of already sweating. He feels like he could throw up his lunch right in front of your feet. He swallows thickly before slowly bringing his hands out in front of himself. 

“I,” he clears his throat, “ehem, I got these for you.” With outstretched arms, the bundle of flowers shake in his trembling hands. He suddenly feels he’s too nervous to even meet your eyes, so he watches the chipped paint wood of the front porch steps. 

You just stand there, watching him with wide eyes and your heart in your throat. Your mouth is lost for words, glancing around at the few farmhands who haven’t left yet and are staring at Sunghoon’s exchange in a similar bewilderment. Some are trying to keep themselves from bursting out into laughter.

“Are you some kind of stupid?” You whisper harshly for only him to hear, snatching the flowers out of his hands. “Why the hell would you do this?” Your words like your tone are mean, but in your chest there’s a raging pounding. It’s a seething raw emotion that doesn’t know how to be dealt with. You’ve only just stepped out of the house and your body feels like it’s inside a furnace. 

Sunghoon’s head shoots back up to look at you, his face and heart drop. “I-I’ve never had a girlfriend before so I wasn’t sure what to do.. This is what boyfriends do, right?” He takes a hand to scratch at the back of his head. Inner turmoil takes over and he thinks he’s fucked up. He bites at his lip, doing his best not to instantly cry in regret. 

You notice this and sigh, irritated. You look from the neatly wrapped white roses and tulips and back to Sunghoon. “So you are stupid,” you mumble before taking your own bottom lip between your teeth. A part of you wants to sneer, but you spin on your heels to hide the warmth that floods your face in substitution. “I’m throwing them away,” you announce, opening the door and walking back inside your house. 

Sunghoon, broken, just drops his head and turns back. A few of the farmhands are snickering from not too far away, chattering among each other and eyeing Sunghoon. He wishes God would smite him on the spot from the humiliation. 

Wanting to avoid everything for a little while, he thinks of heading to the lodge to lay down in hiding. But before he can walk away, the front door of your house swings open once more. He glances back at you, meeting your eyes like he always seems to do. 

“Done for the day already?” You call over to him, now leaning over the banister of the porch with crossed arms. 

Sunghoon, unable to refute you, offers a weak smile and shakes his head. “No.” 

He walks back over to you and you meet him halfway. You don’t say anything else. You don’t bring up the fact that he had bought you flowers or confused the odd relationship you share for dating. It’s cute in all its blind innocence, but that just goes to show you that you have more work to do with him. 

You don’t think of messing with him today. He’s distinctly grown too clingy with how much time you’ve spent with him. Yet you can’t ignore him either. The two of you carry out the rest of the day’s farm work in silence. The inner fury you feel with him doesn’t seem to go away, despite how he hasn’t said much or even brushed skin with you. 

You don’t know how you’re remaining pacific by his side. The rampaging of your heart strings tug like a screaming instrument just from being next to him. How he can keep walking tall, stare at you when he thinks you aren’t looking, or even smile at you is beyond what you know is capable of humans. Men like him only existed in books and movies. You wonder if he’s perhaps playing a game like you.

By the time he’s in the truck to go back to town to catch a bus into the city, you’re sitting at the lake dock. Criss crossed legs, a bouncing knee, and fingernails being ripped at by your teeth. You stare blankly at the water, hoping for that sense of serenity to encapsulate you. It never seems to come. It just feels cold.

So you decide on punishing him for making you feel this way. 

You don’t leave your house for the next three days. You don’t make yourself known, heard or seen. However, you’re peeking out every window of your house to get any chance of a view of him. You hate yourself for being so curious of him in the first place. What was supposed to be good fun has only left you feeling angry. Taking his innocence was never going to heal you, or even make him like yourself. In fact, it’s making you sicker.

And on the night of the fourth Thursday, you’re laying in bed staring at your ceiling. A stuffed animal is hugged tightly to your chest. You can’t sleep and you can’t stop thinking about someone for the first time in your life. No amount of tossing and turning, counting sheep, or button presses to your distorted singing, stuffed bear made it easier. 

Somehow, you ended up punishing yourself. You always had a knack for that, historically, but this time felt different. It actually kind of hurt. Being alone came naturally to you, but tonight it hits you just how lonely you’ve always been. 

　Friday, the farmhands are huddled on the front porch of your house. All the animals are safely away in their designated homes thanks to their help. It started to storm in a heavy downpour only minutes ago. What started out as a dark gray gloom and windy rain quickly turned into an early flooded property, illuminated by strikes of flashing lightning and roaring thunder. 

You stand dry under the protection of the porch roof by the front door. Watching and listening to your mother suggest the shaking cold, soaked men take shelter in the lodge until the sky lets up so they can head home. 

Sunghoon hasn’t spared a look to you all day, but you know that he feels his eyes on you. It’s in the way he shifts awkwardly amongst the men that ignore him. How his eyes are trained low and unfocused yet always trying to move in your direction. His wet hair falls over his face, concealing his emotions you wish to dissect. He comes off as stoic but you know he wears his heart on his sleeve; how his body language speaks volumes. 

Your mother pushes past you to get back inside, saying she’ll check the basement for a spare heater that the boys could use at the lodge. There’s something in you that makes you move without thinking. Suddenly a hand is tugging at the bottom of Sunghoon’s damp jacket for his attention. The material is too thin for this weather and the thought of him becoming sick crosses your mind. 

“It’s warmer here,” your words, for once, came out soft. Too much so, being lost in the cracking sound of thunder. He looks at you through his bangs. The wave of alleviation from whatever he was dealing with is palpable. His eyes and body almost look relaxed. You tug him towards you once more, insinuating that he follows you. 

He does. Like whatever subconscious emotion made you approach him also made him follow you in. As he steps in, he notices the indistinguishable vibes of the farmer’s lodge. It’s updated and cleaner, but similar in aesthetics. A shotgun sits leaning up against the wall by the front door. His brows furrow and eyes narrow. “Those aren’t safe to have lying around…” he mumbles. 

You tug him towards the staircase to walk up, “It’s protection. Only my mother and I are here,” is mumbled back as you lead him up the wooden, creaking stairs. Your feet move light and quick, like a mouse in a home not theirs. If your mother saw you, there would be unnecessary consequences. And the possibility of your father’s involvement would only worsen such. 

Sunghoon cautiously steps into your bedroom, his body tenses at the sound of you shutting and locking the door. He feels on edge, wrapping his arms around his shivering body and soaked clothes. You move around him to sit on your bed, telling him to remove his sopping attire. He does so with shaking hands, leaving him in nothing but his underwear. He shyly looks around the room while using his hands to cover his manhoon. 

His eyes scan over you, sitting quietly on your bed with a look of contemplation that stares past him. A wooden cross hangs on the wall above your bed, the dark wood matches the decadent bed frame. The nightstand nearby has a pile of books and journals with a low light lamp and unlit candle. 

The large window has sheer white curtains drawn open and a vase on the windowsill. A glass vase filled with the flowers he gave you earlier in the week. His heart aches at the sight of the still healthy white roses and tulips, and a smile graces his lips. You liar! You kept them! Is what runs through his thoughts. 

Without Sunghoon realizing, you got up to grab a towel and drape over the back of his shoulders. He’s taken aback by your ghost-like actions, but offers you a small smile of appreciation. “Thanks…” 

You nod for response and glance from him to the vase of flowers he was lost in thought over. You didn’t have it in to explain yourself, mostly because you didn’t understand why you had done so either. 

He dries himself off and finds a place to sit at the end of your bed. You’re on the other end with your back pressed to the headboard, watching him, counting every mole you can find on his pale canvas. The stuffed animal you sleep with is being mindlessly fumbled around in your hands. 

Sunghoon turns to face you directly, he reaches a hand out, eyes shifting from your face and the winged bear. You shoot him a mean look at first, only holding it closer to yourself before your face softens to slowly extend it out to him. 

He takes it with careful hands and looks down to inspect the old toy. Its cream colored fur is dirtied and matted with age. The holographic satin wings on the back have loose stitching and its halo is crooked. Across the chest of the bear reads ‘Jesus Loves Me’ but it’s obvious the sewn name Jesus has been ripped away at. One paw has a red heart embroidered saying ‘press me’. His thumb brushes over the button heart before pressing down. The bear sings in a distorted happy voice the lullaby of Jesus loves me. 

“His name is Saint Michael,” you say quietly and he almost doesn’t catch it. Sunghoon can only breathe a laugh because he finds the dichotomy cute. You almost laugh too, but bite your tongue and look back to your empty hands. You don’t know it but he can see you try to fight your little smile. To him, this moment means more than anything; he’s starting to see you’re more tender than you realize. It brings him a sense of surety in knowing that he can break you like you to do him. 

Silly as it may seem for a troubled girl, the bear was the only comfort you had throughout childhood. There was no kindness from your father, no solace from your mother, no guide in knowing life or love. But there was Saint Michael, the stuffed angel bear; he may not have defended you in battle but he hugged you back, and that was enough to cherish him like a deity. 

Sunghoon crawls across the bed and sits himself next to you, too close for your liking, but you don’t push him away. He hands the stuffie back to you and you place it on the nightstand to face away from you. You lower yourself in the bed, shuffling under the covers of the blanket and he does the same. His skin naked bare yearns for more warmth, yours specifically. 

You feel him turn on his side next to you, pressing up against you despite there being enough space on the bed. His movements are awkward and nervous like he is. You feel a certain pressure against your thigh that isn’t his bones or limbs. You spare him a glance, he doesn’t know if it’s a warning or dare. 

“...Have I ruined you?” You wonder aloud, looking back to the ceiling. 

“No,” he answers quickly, shaking his head against your shoulder. The way he’s missed you in his desire to touch you, hands tingling with want to snake around your waist and pull you in tight. “I think I just want you all the time now. I can’t help it, m’sorry.” He sounds ashamed in his soft mumbles. 

“I’ll only keep stripping all that purity from you. Once it’s mine it’ll remain mine, you know that right?” You look back at him before brushing some of his drying hair from his eyes. He tries to lean up into the touch but your hand is taken back. “And I will pretend it’s healing all that’s missing from me. Do you really want to be mine, Sunghoon?” Your words are so gentle yet laced with threat. 

“Yes,” he exhales, “I want to be yours. Let me be yours please.” It’s hushed, a secret prayer with hope. His hips push further into the skin of your leg, where the hip meets the thigh. He wouldn’t mind going to Hell if it meant more time with you. 

“You beg like a needy barn animal in heat.” You use a hand to cup his face, he sighs into the hold as he eyes flutter to a close. You push your leg in between his, terribly close to his exposed and vibrating body. “So hump me like one.” 

“W-what?” he stutters out before licking over his lips, his thighs squeezing around the plush of yours now trapped in his. His eyes already wet with desperate want, staring back at yours.

“Do it. Like it’s mating season and you want to claim me before anyone else.” 

A cracked voice whine falls from his lips and he begins to roll his growing bulge against you. You watch as he sucks in breaths between quiet breathy moans. His pink, plump lips pursing and falling open. His eyes try to stay on your face, how close you are to him, but they fall shut sometimes in his basking of rapture. It’s a slutty sight of a faith-sickened boy. 

He loves the little to no proximity that there is. His hands find place on your waist, and he’s aware of how that makes you feel, but he can’t stop it. He wants more and more of you. His hands slide up under your shirt, the feeling on your bare skin in his hands makes his body shudder. Untouched, warm flesh for his large hands to explore and learn every curve of. 

Even you stiffen at his exploration, holding in your breath as if you’ve forgotten how to breathe. Your shirt lifts up more with his hands and the exposure is daunting like you’re revealing your insides. 

The pit of your stomach lights up and you're frozen under his clutch. The pads of his fingers hold you so tight as if he’s scared you’ll disappear. His cock is raging and you can feel every pulse of blood that his heart beat floods to. He’s humping into you desperately, chasing the euphoria that he could never find on his own. Such a delicate, shy boy now driven by lust and longing. 

“You’re pathetic and disgusting. You’re practically fucking me through our clothes,” you murmur while you try to push his hands down off you, but his grip won’t let up. Instead his nails dig further into you, a barely sounding broken noise escapes you from the pain. This makes his body collapse further into you, his head dropping between your shoulder and neck. His movements are sloppy and rushed. 

“N-no, I’m still good. You make me feel good, I am so good,” he whines, tears beginning to fall from his eyes to your shoulder. You try to imagine his holy water is washing you clean but it only singes. 

“Tell me that only I make you feel good, that you’re only good for me.” 

“Only you—can only be you to make me good,” he cries against your warmth, rocking himself into you roughly. His leaking cock begins to twitch against you and his hips won’t quit their stuttered jerks. 

You hum lightly and run a hand through his hair, pushing it back from his face. He looks up at you with those desperate, wet, dark eyes and you can’t help but acknowledge how pretty he is like this. His puffy cheeks are flushed pink as the tip of his nose. “Only for me,” you mumble.

“Yes, thank you, I am yours. Yes.” His breaths are jagged and heavy. There’s a coiling in his abdomen that feels borderline explosive. You were right, he craves this feeling. It’s surreal to him how he’s gone so long without it. His arms wrap around you completely now, holding you down while his body rolls on top of yours, situated between your legs. His heart hammers against your chest; he wants to mold into you, to become a singular rot. 

You squeak a gasp, being caged down by him. Your heart beats with the same veracity. One of your arms wraps around his waist to hold his back while the other holds the back of his head that hasn’t left the safety of your neck. He continuously sobs through meek moans. His hair tickles your skin like sparks while his lips brush over your jaw and neck making the tingle feel like crackling flames. 

Under his weight you feel yourself slipping in both confidence and dominance, your body wanting to sink down in submission from the unknown comfort of his control. Your heart aches and you feel something you’ve never felt before. You think you’re scared of it, yet your body pulls him closer. Hand in his hair, tugging with fearful aggression. Nails piercing the skin of his shoulder blade. You’re pliant under his heavy thrusts and sounds of sin. 

The rain pours harder outside with whips of harsh winds smacking the window. It’s almost like God’s wrath is screaming to be seen, to shout that He is watching. 

Sunghoon’s hard cock is relentless against your core. The rough grind of him is stimulating in ways   you’ve never felt before, your body sensitive and starving for more. You squeeze your eyes shut and moan within your closed mouth, hating yourself for feeling this way because it was never supposed to be about you. You are betraying yourself more than your fathers.

The sounds you try to withhold make Sunghoon weaker. He feels uncontrollable, only becoming needier and hungrier with his movements, “I can’t stop. I can’t stop.” He whines, begging for you to vocalize how you feel it too. 

You feel like you’re breaking underneath him, and it feels shameful. Like every harsh word your father ever spat at you was true now that you’re a part of the experience and not just the cause. Everything is too much. It takes every ounce of strength you have to turn both of your bodies over. Now sitting up on top of his lap, you can finally breathe again, sighing in relief. He whimpers at the distance between you both but also from the view of you. 

He moans your name softly as he grips your hips, pushing himself up into your clothed pussy like he’s fucking you. Your hands push down on his shoulders. You stare into his eyes with a plain expression and contrasting sharp eyes, grinding your hips back down on top of him. It’s hard to ignore the way it makes you feel, watching him fall apart beneath you as his pulsing cock fucks against you, but you manage. 

“Cum for me,” you demand quietly, “make a mess and imagine it’s inside me.” 

“Holy fu—ngh,” his entire body spasms and shudders with a low groan falling from his open lips. His movements slow down only to become lazier and uncoordinated. You can feel the warm wetness he spills soak through your thin pajama shorts and underwear. 

“You’re right. You are good for me,” you coo softly, cupping his face and using your thumbs to wipe away the tears. Your hips circle and swivel slowly on him until his quivering cock finishes cumming. 

Sunghoon has a sparkle to his wet eyes. The way the gentle praise left your lips makes him melt, and he can’t stop the flickering glance between your eyes and lips. He breathes heavily through his post clarity. Still he basks in your touch with a hopeful look in his eyes. His tongue slides over his lips before he’s leaning up towards your face, hands affixed to your waist to pull you closer to him. 

This makes a wave of panic wash over you, knowing what he wants to do. You shake your head no and pull yourself away, slipping off of his lap only to turn away from him. 

“None of that. It’s not what-” 

And then there’s a press of lips to your cheek. Your face burns as if a hot coal was what kissed your face. Your eyes go wide, turning to see the boy sitting up next to you. He only wears a shy smile as he sees your reaction.

“I’ve wanted to do that for a week now,” he admits with a small laugh. “Not exactly there but that’s fine. I wish you would let me help you feel good too.” he whispers, looking back to the windowsill where the gifted flowers stood in their vase with the raging storm as their backdrop. 

“That’s dumb and I don’t need to,” you reply, still watching him stare forward. Your chest feels painful; it’s an ache like shattered glass trying to piece together in the wrong ways. Stabbing but trying.

“I think you deserve to,” he argues. “But I understand if it’s not what you want. I was really touchy and I shouldn’t have been because you don’t seem like it. I was too caught up in the moment.” His mind goes to the mess he’s still sitting in and he feels self-conscious all over again. “Is it embarrassing how much I need you?”

You blink at him, swallowing the words that were never going to come out because you didn’t even know what they should or would be. So you settle with a simple, “No.”

You think it would kill you to admit how much you actually always wished to be wanted, needed, or loved. A bigger part of you didn’t think you were worthy of it, let alone capable. The world had such a way of saying otherwise. Until it brought Sunghoon to you; the boy who showed you feelings and experiences you never thought possible. 

As if he could read your mind, he asks, “Why did you choose me out of everyone?” He falls back onto the bed, laying down and pulling the blanket over himself. 

“I think you reminded me of a lamb.” 

“Pardon?” His brows furrow. 

You lay back down next to him, facing him like he is to you. “Pretty, white, and docile. You were so nervous when I first saw you—sometimes you still are.” You even laugh a little. “When you shook my hand I knew I could do anything to you because you’d let me.” 

“You think I’m pretty?” He smiles wide, scooting closer to you. 

You scoff with an eye roll, leaning further away from him. “Oh shut up, you’ve seen a mirror.” 

And then it’s his turn to laugh a little. He looks at you like you’re the reason the sun rises and falls. It kind of hurts you to see him like this because it reminds you of your initial rotten intentions and how they’re dissipating the more you’re with him. 

Time passes faster than the two of you realize. There’s light banter and easy conversations. You learn more about Sunghoon. Where he goes to school, what he studies, and who his friends are. He tells you of the sports he used to do and what he does in free time with his best friend. The more you learn about him, the more you understand his naivety and how despite what you’ve done, he won’t change. There’s something lovely about it. 

You don’t have much to share about your life the way he does, at least not in the same light. But you show him your favorite books, drawings you made over the years, and share the stories of movies you found interesting. He savors the moment of you simply confiding, enjoying the more he can know about you. 

The storm passes later in the evening. So caught up in borrowing time, the rain has slowed down to a simple pitter patter. The clouds dispersed and the setting sun only came through to say goodbye to the day. 

The sound of the truck that the farmhands use to take back to town is heard roaring to life, signalling you and Sunghoon that it’s safe and time to head out. 

Sunghoon jumps out of bed but by the time he’s shoving himself into his still damp jeans and looking out the window, the truck is already speeding down the dirt, now mud riddled road. 

“They just left without me,” he breathes out. “I’m used to them leaving me out, but t-this is.. How am I going to get home?” He looks back to you with sad eyes, not the light they had earlier. He’s not shocked by their actions, but he is disappointed. A hand runs through his hair in his stress. 

“Should I kill them?” Your question is brazen, body and voice eerily still in your seriousness. 

“W-what?!” he whispers in shock, freezing for a moment. 

“I’m joking.” You sit up and watch Sunghoon resume getting dressed. “I think you should head back to the lodge for the night. There’s a washer and dryer for your clothes. And spare food for dinner too.” 

Sunghoon nods slightly, “your jokes are weird, but okay.” He looks like he’s thinking of something, taking his bottom lip between his teeth in thought before speaking again. “Can you stay with me for the night at least?” he asks shyly. 

“No,” comes out quicker than you intended. “...But I guess I can walk with you there.” 

He nods again but now with his signature small dimpled smile. You almost forgot about being angry at the other farmhands for taking it away. 

You have to make sure the coast is clear before leaving the house. You tiptoe down the halls and stairs, weary of where your mother is inside the house. To your luck, she’s in her usual state. She’s passed out on the couch with two empty bottles of wine on the floor. The television volume is low, playing a rerun of the reverend’s sermon; the devil himself of your childhood, preaching about how he lost his child to the otherside. 

With a finger to your lips, you silently signal for Sunghoon to be quiet and to follow you out. 

Once safely out of the front door, you take his hand in yours and start running for the lodge. The tall boy is behind you, so you don’t get to see the bright smile on his lips or in his eyes as you run through the light run towards the lodge. 

Now standing in the front doorway of the farmer’s lodge, wet from the sky all over again and still hand in hand, Sunghoon bravely speaks up.

“I don’t like it when you disappear on me,” he breathes out shakily, honestly. “Nobody else sees me like you do,” he squeezes your hand tighter in his, feeling you begin to pull away. “Come with me into the city tomorrow. We can- I’m not sure yet, but I’m sure I want more time with you.” 

His eye contact is unwavering, begging. Both of his strong hands hold onto yours. You glance from your hand then back to his pleading expression. He will always remain so sweet, no matter what you do to him. 

“I felt less lonely before I met you,” you confess, eyes unblinking as you stare up at him for a long pause. “I’ll meet you here in the morning.” 

In only seconds, he’s pulling you into a hug. His arms wrap around you so tightly as he holds you to his chest. You go stiff in his arms, forgetting how to breathe for a moment. What feels suffocating at first turns into a warmth you’ve become all too familiar with, and it was never anger. The indignation you always wear is just a hand me down from your parents; it doesn’t fit you right even though it’s comfortable. 

With a shaky exhale, you wrap your arms around him too. The hug surrounds you like a blanket of unknown comfort. Your ear pressed to his chest listens to the sound of his racing heart. You can feel the pound throughout his entire body too. Every emotion held within is trying and fighting to be seen. It’s still so cold from the rain but he feels contrast, only warm. His lips press a kiss to the top of your head, making your body burn even more and your hold all the tighter. 

　True to your word, you meet Sunghoon at the farmer’s lodge the next morning. He seems happier than usual. Very giddy to be spending a weekend day with you without work in the way. No distractions or excuses to leave. Just the two of you and a new day with zero obligations.

Because you had a spare bike, you both are able to peddle towards town to the bus stop together. Having made these frequent trips alone, you’re familiar with the owner of the gas station at the stop. He’s a deaf older man, and it surprises Sunghoon that you know how to sign and ask him to hold onto the bikes until you’re back. You tell Sunghoon that you learned some basics from reading a book you bought a long time ago. 

Stunned, Sunghoon realizes that you went out of your way to do so for one man who watches your bike while you endure solo trips. You, the odd girl who was mean and sinful, used your money and learned a language for one man who did a simple favor. He’s learning more to admire you for by the day, and it’s crazy to him how you don’t see your own charm. 

Sunghoon pays your bus fares even though you insisted on being capable of doing so yourself. Sat in the middle of the bus that’s only barely half filled, he asks if there’s anything you’d like to do for the day while in the city. Nobody has ever asked you such an effortless thing, and you like it more than you imagined. Just uncomplicated curiosity of your wishes. 

“The book store. The small yellow one on main street. Maybe see a movie if anything is worth seeing.” You shrug, spewing out the usual things you do. Looking around the taken bus seats, you notice some familiar faces. 

“That sounds nice,” he smiles, “our first real date! I think there’s a cafe near that book store too. Do you like coffee?” 

Your cheeks burn as you stare at him in bewilderment, “you think we’re going on a date?!” 

“Of course we are,” he laughs like it’s obvious and wraps an arm around your shoulder, looking out of the window. All that the town can offer him other than you passes by. “I’m a fan of americanos. You seem like you’d take your coffee black.” 

“I don’t even like coffee,” you mumble, turning your attention out of the window as well. “Tea is nice though.” You add in, crossing your arms over your chest. 

“Hm. I can see that too,” he hums as he pulls you closer into his side. 

So much can change in such little time. You’ve experienced this many times in one life. How one day can open a new door to a path otherwise not taken. Showing Sunghoon more of you has made him bloom into a larger ray of light. He seems more comfortable, and now you’ve become the awkward one. 

The ride to the city doesn’t normally take this long, or at least you don’t think it does. Every second with him by your side makes the experience feel brand new. The theme of time being unreal is common with him, you’ve discovered. It’s when you’re in the bookstore and see a holiday sale that you realize it’s not even June anymore. 

While Sunghoon looks for books for his upcoming college semester, you find yourself in genre sections you never really cared for before. The dark and racy ones were fun to bring home, sure. But innocent, cliche romance was always something cringey to you. Now if you change your perspective to that of research then it’s less daunting, right? Perhaps you’d make sense of all the things you’re discovering about yourself and him. Yeah, that’s convincing enough. 

He teases you at the checkout counter when he sees what you picked out. Your face flushes in embarrassment and you can’t even bite back at him or defend your choices. So you smack him with the book on the way out while he laughs and makes jokes that aren’t very funny. 

The two of you do manage to catch a movie. You honestly didn’t care to see one, but having to sit silently in a theater for at least an hour and half seemed like enough time for him to, hopefully, forget and drop the whole book situation. It’s a summer slasher film. A group of teens go camping and the plot is very ‘who done it’ style. Overall, it’s a fun choice. You have your turn to laugh and joke when Sunghoon gets jumpy or scared. 

After the movie, you both end up at the cafe Sunghoon mentioned while on the bus. There was something painfully intimate about everything today. But especially sitting down to eat with him. Not even your mother could meet you at the table anymore. 

“You seem softer today,” Sunghoon states, setting his half-drunk coffee down. “Almost nervous. Is it because we’re out together for our first date? Or just the people in general?” 

You raise a brow at his brazen curiosity and observation. “Maybe you’re rubbing off on me,” you play with your fork to move around the barely touched food in front of you. “Or maybe it’s a bit of both.” 

“If you come to the city enough to know sign language for the man who watches your bike, do you like it better than the countryside?” 

“Don’t know. I’m used to the quiet life, but leaving it behind and pretending it’s not there is nice too.” 

“What keeps you there?” 

“The scenery. The air. The lake. Being friends with the animals.” You look up from the plate to Sunghoon who is watching you like a lecture: attentive and learning. “I’m not very good with people, so I think it suits me alright.” 

“You’re good with me though,” he argues softly.

“No, not really. I wish I was more like everyone else,” you inhale deeply as your eyes wander around the bustling cafe. There’s a choir of laughter, conversations, and social dynamics you would have to study to master. “If I were a good person, everything would be easier.” 

“...but I like you as you are,” he mumbles loud enough for you to hear, watching you shift in your seat. He doesn’t think you’re not a good person, and it hurts that you see yourself as such. 

As Sunghoon speaks, there’s a chime that follows as the front door of the cafe is swung open. A disheveled man stumbles inside, heavy feet stomping the tile floor to attempt to stabilize his disorientation. The man burps obnoxiously loud, and many eyes find him with the grand entrance. 

He scratches at his lengthy, unkept beard as he looks around. When his sunken eyes find you sitting at the table nearby his eyes grow wide and his mouth falls open. His hand shakes with a pointed finger in your direction, “y-you! The girl from the reverend’s sermon!” He’s loud, capturing the attention of everyone now. His sloppy movements make way towards you and Sunghoon; you feel everything within you freeze, and your heart knocks at your chest fast and hard with anxiety.  

He slams his hands on the table, causing your plates and drinks to rattle. He reeks badly of alcohol and his crazed eyes never leave yours. You swallow thickly, fight or flight mode still trying to understand the situation before you. Meanwhile Sunghoon, worried and confused, slowly begins to stand up and grab your bags. 

But you, you’re frozen staring at the messy man who talks of your greatest hate. Your hands tremble on the table. 

“I thought the reverend made you up for stories, but my God! You’re the real living thing just like the pictures; his only sin,” he laughs boisterously in your face and you try not to gag. “I saw him a little whiles earlier, ya know,” his voice goes quieter, it’s taunting even. You wish to remain calm but your eyes tremble and a frown takes your face. “I should go find him and tell him you’re here. He really-”

Sunghoon takes your hand, practically dragging you away from the table. You almost fall from your seat, like a baby deer just learning to walk, there’s little strength to your legs. 

“It’s not too late! You can be on the right side of things!” his voice ricochets off the walls of the now quiet cafe. “If I can be saved by his preaching, so can you! Look at me!” His mad laughter follows you and Sunghoon outside. 

Sunghoon watches you stand on uneasy feet, zoned out staring at the sidewalk. It didn’t take much to put the pieces together that the drunken man was talking about your father. Your father being a reverend who’s not in the picture gave him much to wonder about, but now isn’t the time. He just wanted to get you somewhere away from this memory. 

He crouches down in front of you. You slowly blink back to reality, now looking down at his back. You don’t want to speak so you poke his shoulder in questioning.

“Hop on. Let’s go somewhere else.”

“What if I’m heavy?” you look at the bags he’s already holding, feeling that you too are a burdened weight he doesn’t need to hold. 

“I’ve got good muscles, remember? Good for farm work,” he’s patient and calm with you while his eyes watch the man from outside the glass cafe windows. “Come on, baby.”

Without thinking, you end up on his back. He carries you on his back, strong arms holding your legs while yours are loosely around his neck. Your insides are a flared up hurricane but at least that allows your body to forget the empty ache you left at the cafe. With your chin hooked over his shoulder, you watch the many people and downtown stores that pass by.

Sunghoon doesn’t exactly know where he’s walking, but thinks it’s best to end the day here and return you to the bus stop. He’s never seen that look on your face before—the one you had when the man was loud in your face. He didn’t like it, and he’s sure you hated it. You looked intimidated, or afraid. 

“Would you kill him for me?” you watch the side of his face, “the reverend, I mean.” 

He stops in his tracks and turns his head to look back at you, “w-what? I can’t kill someone… and you should joke like that.” he panics, looking around to see if someone was listening to the wild conversation and request.

“Yeah, I know. I’m fucking with you,” you look away to hide your smirk, “and only half joking.”

“Did you believe him before?” He starts walking again, but this time at a slower pace knowing the bus stop isn’t too far now. 

“Who? My dad or Our Father?” There’s a use of air quotes at the end of your question. 

“Both?” his head tilts. 

“Neither,” you confirm. There’s a pause for thought and Sunghoon waits for you to further explain. “My relationship with both is too similar. They’ve both known me my whole life, right? Seen all of my wrong doings and in return shown wrath through unnecessary punishments called forgiveness. In what good world is tolerance violent?”

“What do you mean? What did he do?”

“Sometimes, after my mother set the table for dinner, he would knock my plate to the floor. Tell me to eat off the ground like the animal I was or starve.” Sunghoon frowns at this, coming to a slow stop when he sees the bus shelter bench. “Sometimes I had days and nights locked in the barns, but he switched it up to the basement when I was too close with the animals.” You laugh a little, but he senses the pain behind it. “I watched him kill the animals, too, only to smother me in their blood. Beatings were rare, but I think only because he despised the thought of even touching me.”

Sunghoon slowly sets you down to the ground and breathes out your name safely, taking your hands into his. He looks at you with sorrow, like he was the one who endured it with you. 

“God’s orders, am I right? My father, the church goers, speak of God like they’ve seen his face and heard his voice, but they haven’t. I would’ve by now too.” 

If He was really in everything, all around, why did He always turn a blind eye? Why does He pretend to not know you? It only made it harder to believe in—something that would bring you here, torture you then watch you suffer for not living how it pleases. God wants to be believed in, but so do you. Only you would never beg for compassion. 

Sunghoon squeezes your hands in his, “I don’t think you should stay there. You never deserved that… even if you’re volatile and strange… because you’re also kind and caring. It’s why I like you. It’s their fault for not seeing that,” he reassures. “I haven’t been through what you have, and I can’t understand. I-I mean I can try to, ya know… it’s not like I’d leave if I didn’t.” His words begin to stumble nervously, not confident in its sympathy reaching you where needed.

You laugh nervously, trying to tug your hands away from his grip that doesn’t let up. “Okay sure whatever, this is really embarrassing now…” You swallow hard and find difficulty in meeting his eyes. 

That’s all that matters, what he said to you, but you didn’t have it in you to say it. He already knows it though, smiling small and holding your hands still. Without words or excessive displays he can still see it in your eyes, the subtle comfort of acceptance. 

He could never blame you for your nature. He sees your anger as you just trying to be strong all while being sad. Whether you are his lover or executioner, he would accept you as you are every time with open arms, receiving hands. Even more readily, now.

　Even more time has passed since knowing Sunghoon. Summer has never flown by so fast. The calendar doesn’t exist to you anymore. It’s only the days you see him and the days that you don’t. The season will be wrapping up in the next few weeks, but only for him. He has to return to his regular scheduled routine of pursuing education while you will stay here, on the farm. It’s rare for you to feel this emotion: fear. You are scared of losing him. And the concept is something you do your best to avoid thinking about because it makes your skin itch with anxiety. It crawls over you like something that needs to be cut out. 

And then an idea hits you. Something far more deep-seated than everything else you’ve done with Sunghoon that would solidify that this summer is real and yours. Something that will always stay; a reminder that good things are possible despite how the world has made you. 

It’s a damn near perfect day. The sun is so bright, and only peers down onto you both through the gaps of the trees. It’s just warm enough. Just quiet enough aside from the sound of Sunghoon’s gentle breathing and natural composition of the nature that surrounds. Rustling of leaves, chirps of birds, and scurrying of whatever life that wishes to not be seen. 

You both sit criss cross at the wooden dock by the lake, simply enjoying the scenery and all it has to offer. His large knee is affixed to yours. If this was early June, you would have moved away. But now it’s a week into August and you wouldn’t have it anywhere else. Just like you always imagined, and secretly wanted, the view is nicer with someone else. 

He didn’t bother asking why you never brought him here before, or why it is that you chose to now. He’s just happy that you decided to at all. 

You slip a hand into your boot and pull out a pocket knife. You flick it open and do a brief inspection of the cleaned blade. The sun glints off the metal as you turn it. 

“Sunghoon, do you trust me?” 

His eyes flicker from your blank face to the blade. He nods slowly with a swallow, “of course.” There’s a subtle apprehension to him. You hand him the small blade and leave your palm facing up, open to him. 

“Cut a diagonal line down my hand,” you point and draw a line down the middle of your palm. 

“Huh, seriously?” he takes the blade confused and concerned with what you’re asking of him. “Why? I can’t hurt you.”

“Do it. Don’t think of it as hurting me, but still do it deep enough to leave a scar.” 

He struggles to understand the situation, but you’re so serious and clearly waiting for him to do as you asked. He exhales deeply, taking your hand in his while the other holds the knife just above the bared skin. Hesitant and slow, the tip of the knife pressed down into your flesh. You wince a little, which makes him pause. You nod, encouraging him to continue and he does despite hating the act. He slices the palm of your hand open just as you wanted. You hate blood, but it’s not so bad when caused by him.

“Shit, it stings,” you swallow through the pain. The feel of open flesh burning and stinging. “Your turn,” you exhale while taking the knife back with your free, unharmed hand. 

“My turn,” he agrees as if all logic has left him and readily displays his palm to you. Deep down, he feels guilty for hurting you, so to make it even he wants to feel the same.

Just as hesitant and careful, you create a matching wound in his hand. A deep enough, bleeding, lesion in his left hand to match  your right one. He cringes at the sight and the pain before looking back to your face. Your expression is so soft yet attentive, almost awestruck. 

“Even when you hurt me you’re gentle,” he remarks, watching you in amazement with a meek smile. 

“I am not gentle. I have sullied you,” you remind him, your eyes attempt to glare but they’re too bright in his. 

“In the softest way, why?” His voice is delicate and still like the lake that sits before you. You blink slowly at him because there are no words to be found. He continues, “I never thought of you as a bad person,” he pauses as you drop the red stained knife, unsure if he should continue at first but does regardless. “And, uhm, I’ve thought a lot about this summer. What I've learned from you. Purity is constructive—like something made to bring shame.” You don’t move, watching him. “I don’t have to be clean to be good…and your hands never made me dirty. Because they never were either.” 

Like an excavator to your tall, strong built walls Sunghoon has knocked your shield down. The facade of your character is breaking down, crumbling into the broken pieces that made it. A single tear escapes your eye and runs down your cheek. It’s rare for you to cry and you’re disgusted with the reality as to why it’s now that you break. Simply falling apart from kind words. 

You try to use everything in you to ignore the heat in your body, to show the anger you think you’re feeling inside. So your eyes remain sharp and strong, boring into his, as they still water. You swallow the dry lump in your throat and without a word, you take his hand into yours to join in a mix of blood. 

At first, you had one goal; one similar to murder. The sparkle he had in his eyes, you wanted to eat—to make them empty—and see the world ugly and godless like you. Yet somehow, somewhere along the way, his eyes shone even brighter. You only wanted to take and take of the innocent boy, but in this moment you realize, maybe I just wanted to give him some of me. 

You wipe the wet drop away from your face with haste, pretending as if it was never there. Whatever blood oath you’re making with Sunghoon allows you to feel something indescribable. You don’t know if it’s deserved, but you smile anyways. Because the indescribable feeling feels like it’s an unknown, unspoken promise. 

He’s seen you smile before with insidious malice, but this time, for the first time, you are really smiling. It’s a raw expression of surfacing emotions, and he returns the emotion like the sun. He thought of you beautiful before but with your brightness finally peering through your clouds, he believes you to be heaven sent. A part of him always wanted to see you cry—usually it was him with tears in his eyes; which is funny, because he wasn’t much of a cryer himself. You just had that way of breaking him down. He knows now he does for you too. And he can tell that you’re probably the type of person who needs to cry the most. 

His hand squeezes yours tighter, a grip so loving, as you bind in one. Neither of your eyes or smiles leave each other until the bleeding stops. 

　A week later, Sunghoon asks you on a date. The summer fair is in town. It’s something like a festival where all the locals from towns around the city come to visit and join in on festivities from carnival games, rides, food, and uncommon entertainments. You think of being mean, denying him the acceptance of the date, but you have always wanted to go. So you said yes without your words: took his scarred hand in yours and nodded. 

The evening sky is a watercolor of warm tones as the sun begins to lay down for the night. The bright lights of the fair illuminate the large open field turned carnival. There’s a sea of people here tonight, and although it makes you nervous inside, having Sunghoon by your side makes the ordeal easier to handle. 

The line for the ticket booth is lengthy but it passes by. You approach the booth, standing a little behind Sunghoon who takes out his wallet to buy your entrance wristband passes and tickets. You look around at the many people: families, friends, and couples, all immersed in their own experience as the music and sounds blend in the background of conversations. 

“Oh wow! You’re really handsome,” the girl at the ticket booth gawks at Sunghoon. She straightens her posture and fixes her hair from her face, “one ticke-?”

Catching this, you step forward and snatch Sunghoon’s wallet from his hands, “he already knows that. Do your job or I’ll feed you to pigs.” You slap the cash amount for what you need down onto the table top with a straight face and mean eyes. 

Her eyes go wide and she hushes an apology, quickly giving you both wristbands and tickets for the evening. She even threw in extra tickets as you stared her down. 

Sunghoon watches you with a flushed face, even the tips of his ears burn red at your jealous threat. You both walk off into the fair, a sheepish smile on his face as he leads you through the crowd with an arm wrapped around your back and hand to your waist. 

“Was that one of your jokes too?” he grins down at you.

“Nope,” you glance at him with a small smile. You weren’t sure what came over you in the moment, but it was something internally deep, and territorial. An innate reaction to someone trying to appeal to something that belongs to you. It felt ugly and you didn’t like it. 

The idea that he could possibly be taken from you was a phenomenon you’ve thought of for a while now. Knowing he has an existing life outside you, outside of this summer, that he would return you made you sick. You’re far from perfect, or the right thing for him, and he could find a safer option if he ever pleased. Pushing the thoughts away is harder than you imagine, so you cling to his side even more. 

You and Sunghoon use up your spare tickets for carnival games. You toss rings around bottles, shoot water guns into the mouth of a clown frame, and throw darts at balloons. The both of you aren’t very skilled at any of the games, but it's fun enough to enjoy the time without winning a prize to show for it. 

Eventually, Sunghoon does find frustration within the ‘rigged’ set up of the games. He even pulls out his wallet for cash when the tickets are gone. You’re surprised at how competitive he is; his determined nature is something that stirs your insides around. You don’t know if you’ve ever smiled so much in your life. 

After 3 rounds of throwing a ball to knock over a moving target, he does manage to win. Going 3 for 3 and not missing a single shot. The excitement you feel when he succeeds takes over and you’re proud, doing little jumps in place and clapping your hands together. 

“You did it! You won!” you exclaim, hugging onto his side. 

He can only smile down at your joyfulness. A fire burns in his heart and he hugs you back, kissing your forehead. “All for you. Which prize do you want?” 

“It’s yours, you should pick it,” you blush, elbowing his side with a shy smile while your eyes keep looking up to the stuffed white lamb with a lace ribbon around its neck and a cushion gold bell adoring the throat. 

Of course, that’s the prize he ends up choosing. It might not be Saint Michael the stuffed bear, but it’s something far happier, cleaner, and softer. 

The stuffed animal never leaves your hold throughout the rest of the evening. It rides the many rides you and Sunghoon do. And sits at the picnic table with you both as you share fair snacks. Popcorn and cotton candy was never so sweet for either of you. Like contentment melting on your tongues. 

Cliche as ever, Sunghoon wants to end the night there with a round on the ferris wheel. The line moves quickly and when it’s your turn to step into the carriage, he takes your hand and sits you down the seat next to him. 

It moves slowly and rocks back and forth with shaky movements that have you gripping the side handles. With an arm around your shoulder, he holds you close to him. The array of flickering colorful lights and people below you feels almost magical. 

Taking your eyes from the heightened difference between you and the ground, you look back to the boy beside you who is already looking at you. The reflection of rainbow luminescence glistens in his eyes. It’s even prettier than the view from the top of the little world you’re in. You give him a shy smile, finding it impossible to look away. 

He says your name in a whisper, taking your chin between your fingers. “Thank you for choosing to let me in.” 

Confused and wide eyed, you watch him lean into your face. You gasp when his lips meet yours before returning the notion. With eyes closed, you melt into his kiss. It’s sweet as all the things you’ve experienced today because of him. 

It’s also as clumsy and messy as a kiss can be for two people who’ve never done so before. However, human nature and desire take over and ease the rest for you both. Lips move over another in a gentle waltz, careful and slow. 

And as if the situation couldn’t get anymore cliche, fireworks light up the sky. At first you thought it was just your imagination and all the books you’ve read flooding your consciousness, but the booming sounds and cheers of the crowd are too loud to not be real. 

You pull away from him first, and he’s already wearing a shit eating grin so wide that you can’t help but roll your eyes, fighting the urge to smile back at him. Your face burns in both embarrassment and adrenaline from the kiss. 

After that, you don’t leave the city like you should. The bus takes you both back downtown but neither you or Sunghoon feel it’s time for goodbye. So, for the first time, he takes you back to his apartment. You’ve never been to anybody else's home before, and it’s nerve wracking to say the least. The complex is large and somewhat modern, housing many of the second and third year private college students.

When you step inside, it’s quite plain but at least clean. You’re immediately greeted by a boy shorter than Sunghoon. He has a big mouth smile and shining dark eyes. His hair is shaggy but it suits him. He’s practically bouncing on his toes. You shift yourself behind Sunghoon and hold onto his shirt, hiding slightly from the excited puppy-like roommate. 

“How did it go? Oh, and nice to finally meet you,” he rambles out quickly, “I’m Jake. The best friend and roommate. I’ve heard a lot about you.” He shoots Sunghoon a wink before grinning back at you. He extends a hand for you to shake but you don’t reach out. Something about his eyes doesn’t sit right with you. 

“She’s shy,” Sunghoon laughs a little as he guides you past Jake and towards his room. “It was fun though. I recommend going before it’s gone.”

“Ah, you got yourself a nice little angel, huh?” Jake leans over the kitchen island, watching you both. His smile falters. “I’ll have one of my own some day.” For some reason, you think of him as a secret pervert.

Sunghoon laughs his comment off and tells Jake goodnight before showing you to his room. His room is neat and as simple as a college boy’s room can be. A bed, desk, dresser, closet, and bathroom. One poster of a musician you’ve never listened to and a window with unopened blinds. 

You sit yourself at the end of his bed and he sits down next to you. There’s some awkward silence as you look around, unsure of what you’re supposed to do. He feels similarly to your internal dilemma. 

“I-I’ve never had-”

“It’s okay,” you cut him off. Of course he’s never had a girl over. And of course you’ve never been over to a boys house. 

“Are you tired?” he asks, and you lie by nodding your head. So you both get ready for bed. He gives you a shirt to borrow for bed that change into in his bathroom while he changes into sweats and a t-shirt in his room. 

In minutes you’re both laying in his bed under the covers and staring up at his ceiling in the dark room. Not a word is said as you both lay there wide awake and untouching. But you know he’s wanting to by the way his body is shifting and turning, inching closer with every minute movement. 

And before you know it, although expected, his body is nestled closely to yours. His arms wrap around you, pulling you into an embrace. For the most part, he usually does keep his space. Knowing how you are when it comes to physical touch that feels too sudden or invading. But with barriers breaking down more over time, he thinks you’re learning to handle the comfort better. 

“I thought you were tired?” he mumbles, head on your shoulder. His hands trace up and down your arms that are wrapped around yourself like a guard. 

“I lied,” you whisper. Your eyes can’t look at him yet, so they remain aimless to the ceiling. Some moonlight slips through his cracked window blinds, giving you enough view of the spinning ceiling fan. 

“I had fun today. Mostly because you did. I like seeing you happy,” he smiles after kissing your shoulder that’s exposed in the neckline of his shirt too big for you. “And… I liked when you kissed me back,” his voice is quiet and shy-like. 

“Do you want to do it again?” Your eyes shift to him and you can barely see the warm flush to his cheeks. He’s cute. 

Taken aback at first, he just blinks at you with a parted mouth. Then he nods his head slowly, licking over his lips. 

You turn over onto your side to face him and his hands don’t leave your waist. Unsure of what to do with your own, you wrap them around his neck. Good thing they sit behind him and it’s dark in the room because it would kill you for him to notice the slight tremor in your fingers. 

With a scarily racing heart and stiff, trembling body you surge forward to kiss him. His lips are quick to capture yours. Soft and pillow-like, they mold into yours in waves. What starts off as clumsy and unskilled turns into hunger. Something desperate and needy. His grip feels bruising to your hips but in a nice way. In a way you want it to hurt more. 

His nails digging further into your flesh to keep you impossibly close make your lips gasp, or maybe it’s the lack of air, or just both. And instinctively his tongue is licking its way past your lips and into your mouth. He kisses you like he’s starved for it. His wet tongue drags over yours, and your teeth, then as far as it can inside of you. He whimpers, pressing his already hard cock to you as he licks and kisses you open. 

Your stomach has never burned this way before, and you feel the hot sensation all over then down to your core that aches like it’s hungry too. You feel disgusted by yourself but can’t fight the hum you make as you devour him right back. You’re getting wetter every second he’s in your mouth. 

This time, he pulls away first. Panting for air and staring at you with glazed over dark eyes. He licks over his wet lips again, savoring the taste of you on himself. He bites down onto it and a part of you wishes it was you he sunk his teeth in. 

“Can I do what I did last time?” he breathes out, his hips involuntarily jerking up against you at the thought alone. 

While trying to act like you’re not catching your breath too, you say quietly, “do whatever you want.” 

He kisses you again but with more desperation. You try to do the same but you can feel your heart and your head preparing for battle. The way he’s feeling you up and grinding himself on you is in no way unwanted, and that’s part of the reason you’re struggling to maintain presence. 

It’s so much happening so quickly, but you’d be lying to yourself if you said you didn’t imagine this happening eventually. Sex was inevitable. The way his body yearns to be one with yours makes you feel special almost. He’s already engraved into you but in his mind he has to be inside of you and it hurts so badly how you think the same. 

But is the last thing that keeps him pure really yours to take? You’ve stripped so much away from him for all the wrong reasons before and now it feels strange. You are no good and that’s all he is. 

The only thing keeping you here, in the moment, is him. His exploratory and gentle yet rough hands, his body grinding into you, his lips that can’t leave yours or your skin for even a second, and the weak wanting sounds that leave them. 

“I need more, please. I want- I need to feel good with you. Please,” he’s whining into your ear. Then pressing kisses along your jaw and neck that are all so tender, slow, and deliberate. Large hands caress you like you’re breakable, as if not already just a body of fragmented pieces made whole and called a person. 

Your still shaking hand reaches down between your two bodies and slips past his sweats. He had the nerve to go commando and you wish you could tease him, but you can’t. You’re lucky you’re even here right now and breathing his air. Your hand wraps around his aching length and gives him a few tugs to which he’s quick to moan. He kicks off his sweatpants while you bring him closer to you. The plush of your thighs trap him; he whimpers against the soft heat of your flesh. 

Your hips grind up into him once, showing him what he should do too. He’s slow to start, rocking himself between your thighs. Slutty and hopeless sounds leave him in a string of his want. His leaking hard cock is so close to your core. Only the thin layer of your underwear keeps him from feeling your clear need for him too. 

Wrapped in each other's arms, you bury your head to his shoulder. You can feel the pulse of his aching desire rubbing and grinding against you. It makes you shiver in sensitivity and cower further into his neck. You don’t bite down onto your lip, but his neck. There’s a sting to your eyes because you hate it—the wet warmth that pools out of you. Your sin sticks to your underwear and your skin like the red raining life of all the animals you made leave the earth; your haunting subconscious correlates with your growing pleasure. 

You know you’re not religious yet every time Sunghoon touches you there’s a divinity to it and it makes your hands want to join in prayer to thank the universe for sending someone like him to you. Because his hands roam your body as if they have in every world; as if there is not one timeline where you have not been made for him. Like you were carved from his rib every time. 

Your body smolders in that angry way it always did whenever Sunghoon got too close to you. Whenever his words were too kind, his touch too gentle, or god forbid when he just smiled at you. That fire is just the divine nature of your relationship, lighting up everywhere he touches and leaving flames in the wake. You thought it was your body rejecting his purity, but you were only denying the likeness. He made you feel good. And in the most ironic way possible. You just didn’t think you deserved it. 

Yet an anguished moan leaves you, rumbling against his skin as you bite down harder. Regardless of it all, he is yours right now. 

The feeling of your sinking teeth in him, the sounds you’re now making, and the damp heat between your legs he can’t stop chasing all makes his head spin. He bites down onto you just the same and it only makes you moan louder. 

“Please,” he’s whining again through the bite. His voice a needy tremble while his hips stutter and thrust between your legs that only squeeze tighter together. The way the fat of your legs hug his raging cock through his desperate grinds makes him chase more and more for that feeling he just can’t seem to reach. The crying tip kisses and pushes up then past your leaking folds every time. It drives you both insane. 

If your body is the fiery lake of creation's deepest pit, then he is the cleanest ocean of earth’s highest point. If anyone could extinguish you, and possibly make you feel whole, it was Sunghoon. 

This is the most horrifying reality you’ve come face to face with. Not just intimacy, but a stronger driving emotion. You have to open yourself, rip open your chest and bare your beating heart in all its naked vulnerability. Let it scream out I like being with you. You have allowed this person into your world that nobody else has dared to step foot in. To see you in such ugly ways yet still extend their arms for you. It’s a terrifying level of closeness that you’ve never once experienced and you don’t know what to do with. You’re beyond perplexed by what he’s done to you, in both terror and awe.  

You pull back from Sunghoon and he pauses everything for a moment to look at you, noticing your wet eyes. Before he can ask what’s wrong you reach down and slip off your underwear. You shift your body and maneuver him as best you can until he’s on top of you. Rattled with concealed embarrassment you remove his shirt and toss it somewhere to the floor, and he does the same. 

You take a deep breath and reach back down to his cock, lining it up with your pussy. You blink and swallow away all the things trying to stop you from allowing yourself him. Pliant beneath him, you grab his shoulders and pull him down to you for a quick kiss. Foreheads now pressed together with lips ghosting over the others, you tell him, “I hate you.” 

Sunghoon only smiles down at you before kissing you once more. With his arms caged around you, he slowly pushes himself forward. The fat tip of his cock fails to go through you, only sliding up and past the wet folds. He whines feeling the warm slick coat the head; his entire body shudders. He nearly cums from that alone. 

He looks at you confused, and nod once while trying to shift your hips around for a better angle. It’s not like you to be so quiet during things like this. It only tells him that for once, you’re nervous about new things the way he was. 

So he tries again, this time a little rougher. He thrusts his hips forward, the tip pushing past the tight walls but still barely in. You whimper at the intrusion and the feeling of you being stretched open. Your hands squeeze hold onto his biceps for purchase. 

The tight sensation of your pussy squeezing his tip feels otherworldly to him. He can’t help but need to sink deeper into you. His cock pushes in further at an agonizing pace until he’s as deep as he can possibly go. His arms shake while he tries to maintain his strength and keep himself from collapsing onto you completely. The wet walls that surround him flutter and try to pull him further inside, making him feel lightheaded. His moans are so needy it’s almost like he’s crying from the feeling. 

“Oh, f-fuck!” you whimper. Having Sunghoon completely inside of you feels so full. You’re stuffed with him and it hurts so good. “You gotta move, Hoon. Feels like you’re splitting me open.”

“You're so tight, mm.” His hips stutter from your words alone and he whimpers again. He pulls himself out halfway while your gummy walls kiss around him in an attempt to suck him back to be filled again. He begins to rock himself in and out of you. It’s inexperienced and awkward, but he gets the hang of it quickly. Doing what feels best for him and what seems to be the best for you too. 

“I hate you. I fucking hate you,” you whisper harshly, looking up at him with tear filled eyes. It all burns while feeling like heaven. Never have you been so full, held so gently, or seen than this summer. You bite back the breaking moans and whimpers. You claw at his skin. You even begin to cry when your hips can’t stop chasing his thrusts. 

“I love you too,” he whispers back. A kiss is pressed to your forehead as his cock pistons you. Sunghoon is smart enough to know you’re a liar. Your mean words that used to hurt him, he now understands. You’re not really a bad person. And you don’t hate him. You were just really damaged and if he’s damned for trying to heal that then he’s fine with that too. 

“I mean it,” your body shudders, feeling his tip pound so far and deep in places inside you that you didn’t know reachable. His fat cock drags out and forces through your tight hole, making you cream all over him more and more. The sounds that leave your body, the sounds your bodies are making, it’s so obscene. Fighting off the disgust and focusing on how he makes you feel is war. It’s so hard for you to win. 

“No you don’t,” he shifts himself to sit on his knees, taking your legs and wrapping them around his waist. He leans forward and kisses both of your cheeks before fucking himself into you again, only harder and faster than before. 

“Ngh,” you moan again through broken sobs, blinking away the tears as you stare up at him. “I’m t-trying to.” 

“I know, baby.” he mumbles before capturing your wobbling lips into a searing kiss. “It’s okay, haah, don’t cry. You’re good. You’re so good for me,” he says against your wet lips. You can only sniffle and try to turn your head away from him in your embarrassment. “No, no.” he takes your chin with his thumb and finger, forcing you to look back at him. His thrusts never letting up during his care. “Look at me. You’re so good to me.” He reminds you over and over. “We’re so good together. I’m yours. you’re mine.” 

“Say it again,” you sniffle through little sounds of sin. Your hand finds a place on his cheek, and your thumb rubs over his lips that wear a smile. 

“You’re so good, good for me. We are so good together. I am yours. And you are mine,” he says softly. His eyes are so filled with love, and if you could see your reflection in his then you would know yours are too. “Say you’re good, baby, it’s okay.”

“I’m good,” you sob through your whimpers, “I’m yours.”

To Sunghoon, the idea of sex was always sacred. Something that’s only done and shared between lovers bound by marriage of the church. But now, he thinks differently. He knows that there is no shame in him loving you now or years later. And he was more than happy to make love to you all night until you believed it too. 

　Perhaps there was a thing such as divine intervention and if God’s timing was alway right, he knew how to be evil with it too. Because the next day, when Sunghoon takes you home, he’s met with your maker. 

Your mother, aware of the frequent trips you’ve been making and how close you’ve grown to the summer farmhand boy, is quick to make a call to your father the night you don’t return home. It wasn’t necessarily because she cared for your well being. You’re more than capable of handling yourself. But it was an excuse to try and get him to come back. Only it doesn’t go how she wanted.

When you see the reverend’s car parked in front of your house, your heart drops. Sunghoon picks up on your tension, He sees how you go blank at the sight and slowly turn back into the empty girl he met months ago. He tries to hold your hand but your fingers can’t move, can’t return the embrace. 

When the reverend walks out of the house with his infamous weapon of sacrificial forgiveness, you know what to do. Your body moves on its own, leaving Sunghoon to reach out for you that walks towards the woods. He goes to follow you and the desolate man that stalks behind, but your mother stops him. She’s hysterical as she drags him towards your house saying, “it’s going to be okay.” But she’s crying. 

Once out of their sight, the reverend takes you by the hair. He yanks your head around, pulling you towards that cursed tree. He’s uncharacteristically rough and your scalp screams for a release but you don’t show it. You don’t even look at the man. Not even when he’s tossing your body to the ground. 

“So you’re whoring around with my employees now, huh? Was ruining this farm not enough for you?” His words mean nothing to you. You dust off the dirt and go to stand again, but he kicks you back down. You tsk under your breath as he speaks again, “I’ve seen all the things you’ve done. Seen you leave my barns with red hands and smile. Cut heads off chickens like an anatomy project. Is he next? That church boy?” 

Now you look up to glare at him. Seeing the reverend was aggravating enough, but to say something about Sunghoon was infuriating to you. “I am not a killer. You are! And those animals were already dead.” You spit at his black leather church shoes. 

“Oh, you disgusting little devient,” he laughs lowly, untying the rope from the tree. “Your cruelty shouldn’t bring you joy. Sick and twisted, I should’ve dealt with you sooner regardless of what your drunk bitch mother protested. I can save the boy when you’re gone.” 

“What?” you shuffle backwards from him, angry and confused as he stalks closer to you until you’re backed against the tree. “All those things I did was because of you. Your righteousness made me rotten!” Your hands shake, gripping at the dirt ground for anything to make the fear stop. You glance up to the empty tree branch then the rope in his hands. Where is the lamb? You think briefly before it hits you. “You’re crazy,” you whisper, “I will not be your martyr… not now what I’m finally-”

“Condemn me to Hell for all I care,” he crouches down in front of you, “This is the last time I’ll be a killer.” He throws the rope to your lap and tells you to tether yourself. 

“Why do you hate me?” The words scratch at your throat. When you were younger, you did want the reverend to hate you. It was when he noticed you most, and it’s all you really knew. But now you’re older, and his disdain never made sense. 

You can’t bring yourself to move even if you wanted to. Was this His plan? To allow you one good thing in life before ending it? Was ruining Sunghoon your final sin? 

The rope shakes with your fingers as you stare down at it. The twine of the rope burns over the palm of your hand where Sunghoon carved his promise. Your throat feels dry, tight and suffocating; choking on everything you’ve ever done. And your eyes still puffy from the night before well with tears all over again. 

“I just do,” he thinks of slicing your neck open right there. So fuck tying you down, you were always secretly another lamb anyways. He raises his knife and the metal sits cold under your chin as he lifts your head up to look back at him. 

“Okay…” you swallow. 

Your eyes squeeze shut and so does your mouth, as you raise your head to the sky with an exposed throat. Why isn’t this easy? Unlike the animals, you do know what’s coming. And it’s scary. Scary not because of death, but because you aren’t ready. You haven’t told Sunghoon goodbye or that you love him back. And the thought of him finding something in this world to hate, is such an ugly feeling to die with. 

And then there’s a loud noise. A booming bang, followed by unsteady feet falling back and the ground rumbling with a thud. 

You open your eyes and your father is on his back clutching his abdomen. He coughs and gasps before raising his hand. It’s dripping in deep red. And you can’t help but smile with tears in your eyes as you exhale a jagged breath.

You turn your head and Sunghoon stands there with the shotgun in hand, open mouthed and wide eyed. 

“Sunghoon!” you scramble to your feet and run over to him, taking the gun from his hands as he’s frozen in shock. 

“H-he was going to- he was about to hurt you. I had to-!” he stutters, his eyes already crying and hands shaking, still feeling the weight and recoil of the gun. 

“It’s okay,” you coo softly. “Just- go back to the house and I’ll be right there, okay?” You rush out. Still in shock and dazed, he blindly trusts you and does as you say. 

When he’s no longer close by, you walk over to the reverend with a blank face. You stare down at him as he tries to crawl away, dirty and bleeding. The smile you make doesn’t reach your eyes. 

You point the gun back down at him, and place your foot over the shot wound Sunghoon created. The man gasps and tries to swat at your leg but you only press the gun further into his face, making him surrender. 

“Divine intervention, huh? Say it with me now. I know no punishment, only mercy.” Your voice is quiet, calm, and mocking of his tone. With the barrel to his forehead, you watch him writhe in pain and cough up a little blood. 

“Go to Hell,” he spits his words like venom. 

“If you say it, I’ll let you live. But if you show your face to me or Sunghoon again, I’ll shoot you right between the eyes.” Your foot presses down harder. You can feel that angry little girl inside of you jumping with joy.. Knowing his God demands to be bled for, and making him know the sacrificial suffering, well it feels good to say the least. “Say it. With me. Now.” Each word pronounced with the growing applied pressure to his shot wound. And then he begs for forgiveness. He’s never seen you smile the way you did when he was below you with those words. Empty eyes were never so alive for him either. He cries and chants ‘I know no punishment, only mercy’ over and over. It was like the most beautiful hymn.

　There wasn’t much to be said about that day. Sunghoon and you just pretend you shared a nightmare. Neither of you talked about it. It was just another thing that tied you together. 

Sitting there in the peak of summer’s heat. A day before Sunghoon returns to college classes. Birds chirp. The leaves of the tall trees thistle in the light breezes that pass by. Sunghoon sits criss crossed and while you have your feet hanging off the edge of the dock, kicking in the water. 

“I’m sorry,” you break the silence. Shocked, he looks over to you. He never would have expected you to apologize for anything. “I was selfish when I approached you. I wanted to take all that goodness out of you and keep it for myself. I thought I wanted to hurt you, but after sharing all this time with you, I realized I was wrong. It’s weird to say it out loud,” you laugh small, awkward, “but I really am sorry. I love you more than even I know.” You stare down to your feet in the water that has gone still. A tear falls from your eye, and down to your cheek. 

“I know. I love you too,” he wraps an arm around your waist. “But now the same sins bind us.” You hiccup silently and turn to look up at him. “Harvest all of my purity, farmer’s daughter.” 

For the first time, you really laugh. It’s bright and loud like the big smile he’s seeing for the first time on his favorite face. It’s morning sunlight that whispers through trees to kiss the forest floor. Birds that sing songs of hope to awake life into a new day. Nostalgic, expansive days of childhood where the concept of time doesn’t exist. To him, you look like the epitome of summer; he doesn’t want this season to end. 

You were never the lamb. Or the wolf. Not an animal at all. Nothing like the ones you grew up with. You were just a girl, scared and alone. But not anymore. Because it’s your last day on this farm, and tomorrow is the first with only Sunghoon. 

“Your humor is poetry.” you continue to laugh until tears prick your eyes all over again. You love it. 

“It wasn’t supposed to be funny.” he looks away shyly, blushing. It only makes your giggle more, but you stop to press a kiss to his cheek. He blushes harder. 

“I’ll keep doing it, harvesting all of your purity, for as long as you’re good.” you say with a smile. 

“Do you promise? I am always good, especially with you, so it could be a long while.” He bumps your shoulder playfully with a laugh. 

You take his scarred hand in yours and you laugh like he did, pure and true, “I do.”

© fangel ┊ do not copy, repost, modify or translate my content ໒꒱ tysm for reading, ⌗unlearn shame ⌇ taglist @tinycatharsis @simjaexy @leehsngs @511rkive @beomluvrr @jjongsaengzz @slvtella @jaerisdiction @kkamismom12 @rayofsunshineeee @nshmrarki @m3wkledreamy @hanjisbeloved @filmnings @stercul1a @hooniesfvngs @moriwori @sleepyhoon