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omfg yes. transferring blog NOW.

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This is me, trying to remember the email and password for my other Bellas account and failing.

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Click through to new blog.

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Click through to new blog.

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Click through to new blog.

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Click through to new blog.

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Click through to new blog.

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Okay, so I am officially moving to THIS blog.

I am following people as they follow me, so if we talk on a regular basis don't feel bad if I haven't followed you yet. I'm just tossing out random starters as people follow. Also, i'm sticking to short things for the moment and then I will respond to Aubrey/Jesse's long para, and will also start new para threads.

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Click through to new blog.

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I promise that tomorrow night I will be on both accounts. I would be on tonight, but I have to head to bed soon beacuse I have to be up bright and early to work all day. Woo. 

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Infinite list of my favorite movies - 10 things I hate about you (1999)

"I hate the way you talk to me. And the way you cut your hair. I hate the way you drive my car, I hate it when you stare. I hate your big dumb combat boots and the way you read my mind. I hate you so much it makes me sick. It even makes me rhyme. I hate the way you’re always right. I hate it when you lie. I hate it when you make me laugh; Even worse when you make me cry.  I hate it when you’re not around and the fact that you didn’t call. But mostly, I hate the way I don’t hate you; not even close, not even a little bit, not even at all.”

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I'm going to jump in the shower and then watch Pitch Perfect; hopefully it will give me the ambition to get through a few replies tonight. If not, refer to the last post I made because sorry.

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Not ditching -- just busy with work ugh. Going to try to get some energy tonight, if not i'll definitely be here Christmas either before or after I go see Into The Woods.

Sorry, you guys. Work is just kicking my ass lately.

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Life, without love.

Aubrey's life without Jesse, while it was prosperous and rich, had amounted to endless days and nights of exasperated grief, that kind that only came with the pain of loss, that refused to end. And yet, even so, she continued to wake in her bed, blankets laying all about from restless sleep and thinking of the man whom had stolen her heart, and she his...and yet she had forsaken such things. She had renounced him and shattered the heart that he had entrusted her to hold in her hands, subduing her own heart in the process. There was truly a part of her missing, and it turned out that the part he had taken with him was the best part of Aubrey Posen.

There were times when her dreaded agony persisted and she was unable to hide it from anyone -- though nobody knew exactly why she was so upset, it didn't matter. Nothing stopped her from staying in bed through the morning with her head under her pillow, because sleep was the only thing that even came close to forgetting. It was the only thing close to ridding herself of the pain she had caused herself. Yes, she had loved him...but that fact? That realization? It had come too late. 

Her endless days had eventually built up to weeks, and months and while she still found herself thinking of the treble, she knew that the worst of her heartache was over -- and she hoped the same of his. Surely by now he must have forgotten about her. Surely by now he didn't miss the way she would lay in his arms, or falling asleep with her on Skype, hearing her breathing through the phone during those moments where they were both thinking the same thing, however no words needed to be said. Surely he couldn't still miss her, because surely she didn't miss him.

She knew better than to feel bad about it -- she didn't have the right, not really. Not when she was the one who had ultimately broken it off with him. Not when she was the one who had taken his heart, his trust, and crushed it. The blonde would never forget the look on his face when she had said those words...or how he looked when he was walking away from her for the second time.

In the months that had passed, the blonde was both anticipating and fearing the day that she would hear about Jesse Swanson moving on, about how he had found a woman who was much better than herself. Although, she knew that he deserved that much. He deserved someone who could piece his heart back together, who could make him happier than Aubrey felt she ever could. He deserved to fall in love with someone who could love him back just as fearlessly.

Just after a year since she had last been with him, since she had told him that they couldn't continue seeing one another, her mother and father had visited the city -- given that she was now studying Law at New York University, and while the trio had been out to dinner, her oh-so-devious parents had invited the son of a friend to join them....the son of a friend for whom they approved of. Whom they deemed worthy enough of their darling little girl.

Inwardly, Aubrey had protested...however, one thing had lead to another, and she had found herself going on a date with this Asher Caldwell just a few days later. He was, coincidentally, attending NYU as a Law Student; he was in his fourth year, while Aubrey had only just begun her first.  Still, Aubrey had learned the truth at a young age that coincidences were often cleverly conceived plans, of which her parents had arranged in secret, with hopes of acquiring something for themselves. He was a fine man, Asher, but even though Aubrey knew that...it was hard for her to feel anything towards him -- in romantic sense, or otherwise. She felt cold, unwaveringly so, towards him...and yet, as the time passed she had found herself more often than not in his bed. She, subsequently,  had found herself in a true adult relationship, the kind that her parents had always told her about, had always wanted for her. It seemed, on the outside at least, that the former Bella was happy in the new live she had procured for herself -- yet on the inside, she was screaming for something more; someone more.

Now, a few years later, Aubrey Posen had finally graduated from NYU with her Juris Doctor -- this, of course, made her an official teacher of law. Yet another accomplishment that she could proudly share of herself, to which she gave her boyfriend much thanks....although she had done it all herself, she had done it on her own with no help from the now BAR Certified attorney who was quickly joining the ranks to become a partner at his current law firm. She was proud of Asher, sure, but she had a greater pride welling in her chest for herself.

What the twenty- six year old hadn't expected was her long-time boyfriend getting down at one knee at her post-graduation party and asking for her hand in marriage; having been going through the motions of this charade for so long, she felt it would have been a waste to end it now...and so, in front of her parents and what seemed like everyone she had ever known (except Jesse Swanson), she had said yes. There was one problem: She didn't love him.

The wedding, which was a mere six months later, had been what her mother called 'the event of the season'. Of course it would be, it was thrown by the Posen family.  Everything had to have been perfect, or else it just wouldn't be good enough. --but Aubrey was left with emptiness on the day that was supposed to have been the happiest day of her life; she didn't want to spend the rest of her life tied to this one man, to a relationship with someone for whom she truly felt no romantic attachments for. How could she when her heart was, and always had been, in someone else's hands?

It didn't matter because, just as planned, Aubrey Posen became Aubrey Caldwell that day...whether she liked it or not, and it seemed that nobody was there to see through her act of happiness, nobody could see that she was crumbling on the inside...which somehow made it easier to pretend. 

It didn't take long for the Blonde to learn of Jesse's new love life -- the girl was brunette, beautiful...seemingly everything that he was deserving of, and she could tell because of the smile that he wore on his face. Yes, a picture did say a thousand words...and she had tortured herself with viewing all of them. Oh, the aching in her soul, and how it seemed to only grow with each new imagine she looked at; each smile he had, each time she saw the way that he wrapped his arm around her or kissed her forehead. It had all been too much, and she knew that it was what she deserved -- to be stuck in a loveless marriage while the man she truly loved was more than happy with someone else.

 Seeing him again now, it felt as if she had been struck by lightning. -- and the thing about lightning? It rarely struck the same spot once.

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