bulletsfromyourvalentine-blog

[bulletsfromyourvalentine-blog]

“… !?”

“HOLY F— HOLY FUCKING SH—”

Staggering back, he nearly fell on his backside, sputtering profanity and gaping incredulously at the hideously grinning Buddha. 

“AAAAGH! WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT DOING THERE!?” 

Within ten seconds, the figure is brutally slashed, stomped, kicked, and reduced to dust and debris.

[bulletsfromyourvalentine-blog]

IT'S HIDAN'S @#**!^%* BIRTHDAY!

"FUCK YEAH IT IS. Hey, and don't let the fact that he bleeds people like a fucking monthly period fool you, this motherfucker loves people. I know him, man; take my word for it, or whatever. He's a really fucking peachy guy, like all social butterfly and shit. WHICH MEANS, YOU SAD CUNTBLOSSOMS SHOULD GO AND WISH HIM A HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

Also, if it's gifts you're thinkin' of, I'm gonna just go ahead and suggest a nice baggy of X.

'Cause fuck."

"Oh, and also a whore.

No guarantees on what he uses her for though. ~"

[bulletsfromyourvalentine-blog]

... Jan doesn't seem to pick up on the actual rage behind this one.

"Nah, when you put it that way, I guess you can."

bulletsfromyourvalentine replied to your post: It’s your MOTHERFUCKING BIRTHDAY, MAN! FUCK YEAH! Weren’t we like gonna do some fun shit or something? Rape, murder, pillage… push a granny down the steps? Shit on someone’s car? Something? Oh yeah — EVERYONE IN FAVOR OF ME BUYING THIS STIFF MOTHERFUCKER A LAPDANCE FOR HIS BIRTHDAY SAY AYE.

Wow, okay, BITCH. Shit on a guy for trying to make your birthday not SAD AS THE REST OF YOUR VIRGIN LIFE. … How old are you, anyway? Like … fuckin’ … 18 or something?

Maybe it’s the virgin comment, or the thought that his faith was being challenged, but in comparison to Jan’s usual wisecracks, that one gets under his skin. Now he’s advancing with a leer until he’s pinned.

“You think I can’t be as happy as a goddamn fish without a sex life, asshole? You think I can’t stay faithful to Jashin-sama and just keep gutting, gutting, gutting for the rest of my life and love every minute of it?” Disregarding the last comment, he doesn’t bother telling. Why should he? He never liked being reminded he was another year older.

[bulletsfromyourvalentine-blog]

"I'm so glad you're gonna have like a million fucking birthdays."

“We’ll have a fuckin’ riot of fun, won’t we? As much as I hate my birthday and gifts, that’d be the only gift I could tolerate, bro.”

[bulletsfromyourvalentine-blog]

"CHICKS DON'T HAVE KNOCKERS THAT BIG UNLESS THEY'RE HIDING SOMETHING, MAN. LIKE A DICK--"

"-- NO WHAT THE FUCK--

FUCKIN'

AUUGH IT SMELLS LIKE ASS

FUCK IT-- AUUGH--

WHAT THE FUCK--

BROS BEFORE HOS, ASSHOLE.

AAUUGH GOD."

bulletsfromyourvalentine replied to your post: How much do you miss me? BE HONEST.

… I hope your little girlfriend turns out to be a MAN.

[screws the cap off of the container, HURLS GARLIC POWDER AT HIS FACE]

[bulletsfromyourvalentine-blog]

Who What Where (Prompts)

Ask My Character (Ask a question — a character answers IC and can break the fourth wall)

Truth or Dare (PLEASE be reasonable and do not send too many. COMPLETE one before answering another! Remember that there is a truth part to it; not just dares)

Headcanon (Anons send a word and you associate it with your character)

[bulletsfromyourvalentine-blog]

"AHA -- AHAHAHAHAHA. HOW MA-- AAAH AHAHAHAHAHA. AHAHAHAHA. WAIT, WAIT, LET ME GUESS ... UH ... LIKE TEN?-- AHAHAHA. AH FUCK, YOU'RE HILARIOUS. THAT'S A GOOD ONE."

His laughter was cut short by the small, furry animal suddenly death-rolling in his hands. "Oh my god. Oh my god. -- DUDE HOW DID YOU KNOW!? I WAS LEGITIMATELY JUST ASKING FOR A BUNNY. HOLY SHIT. -- aw man, it's so soft. Awww, look at its faaace." The terrible, frightened, screaming, dying part didn't seem to effect him. Or the missing eye. He stroked its fur. "Do you want the blowjob NOW or LATER? 'Cause damn."

and when they snap mentally, oh how it reverberates.

“What gets louder as it gets smaller? Give up? A rabbit going feet first in a blender! Okay, next one— how many dead rabbits does it take to paint one of those little huts? Huh? Depends on how hard you throw them— hahaha, ok, people think rabbits are cute gifts, right?” And he holds up the very screeching, squirming creature by the scruff of its neck then shoves the pitiful, bloody thing into someone’s hands. “HAPPY BELATED VALENTINE’S DAY, BABE. I thought you’d like it because it’s red, you know? Everything looks good in red on Valentine’s Day.”

[bulletsfromyourvalentine-blog]

"-- !! ... ..." 

"... Wouldn't think of it."

“FUCK TO THE YES!”

[bulletsfromyourvalentine-blog]

She felt good. Her body fit nicely in the framework of his own. But quaint little thoughts like that didn't stop his hands from wandering down from her shoulder blades, towards the small of her back, one pausing to press her a little closer, the other continuing the downwards creep. Oh yeah, he bet she had a nice firm ass. He had a sixth sense about those kinds of things. A languid grin. "Oh babe. Oh babe, you only say that 'cause you never had Jan Valentine." It crossed his mind, vaguely, that he didn't know her name, and for whatever reason, he found himself almost about to ask -- actually ask, as though he cared about more than grabbing a handful of tight ass -- when a hand trailed down his chest.

A pleased groan through knife-like teeth, bared in a smile. "Fuck, I gotta better place for those hands." He was getting a bit giddy. A giggle. "Heheh, hey, don't fuckin' play coy with me. You and me, we're a fuckin' fit, see? ... And I mean a fuckin' fit. See, I got an infallible barometer about that kinda thing, and, ah..." Well, how should he put it? "It's risin'."

more valentines day madness.

A click of her tongue as she nestles comfortably against the other, lips pursing in a mock pout. “You can’t rush these things, you know ~ it’s not as satisfying.” Even though she was use to pressing up against complete strangers - Lotti had to admit that this felt a little different… a little more satisfying? As if she were doing it because she wanted to, rather than just unnerving someone.

“Aah… Happy Valentine’s day to you as well… —” there was a pause and a smile toyed at the corners of her mouth, a hand moving to slide down the male’s chest.

“I have a guess. Cherries are quite tasty though. I can see why you’d have a desire to eat one - or more, if you have them.” 

[bulletsfromyourvalentine-blog]

"FUCK TO THE YES!"

HUGS FOR ALL

DON’T BE AFRAID

We just have D-cup breasts here

[bulletsfromyourvalentine-blog]

"Well I wasn't exactly targettin' little boys. I mean Jesus H. Christ, that'd be weird if you weren't at least, I dunno, dead or somethin'."

...

"WHO WANTS A HUG?"

more valentines day madness.

“COME OUT COME OUT WHEREVER YOU ARE”

[bulletsfromyourvalentine-blog]

"COME OUT COME OUT WHEREVER YOU ARE"

more valentines day madness.

“OKAY. I’M GONNA BE TOTALLY HONEST. I DON’T KNOW, LIKE, HALF YOU COCKSUCKERS RUNNIN’ AROUND HERE. BUT I DO KNOW I GOT WHAT YOU NEED THIS VALENTINE’S DAY.

And by what you need, I mean an enormous vampire cock.”

“… Or, y’know, hugs n’ shit. I’m just in a really fucking good mood. Like, a really fucking good mood.

Anyone got a bunny or some shit?  I just wanna snuggle the fuck outta soft animals for some reason.”

[bulletsfromyourvalentine-blog]

"Open wide! -- Hey, I didn't mean your arms--" But there's a small pause, during which Jan registers the pleasant sensation of breasts against his own chest, and he grins, wrapping arms about the lithe figure. For some reason, hugs just feel fantastic today, cleavage or no cleavage.

"Fuck yeah! Happy Valentine's Day. I'll take hugs from a fine bitch all night!" A short pause, then a grin. "Ya got nice hair. Reminds me of cherries. Y'know what cherries remind me of?"

Hint: popping them.

more valentines day madness.

“OKAY. I’M GONNA BE TOTALLY HONEST. I DON’T KNOW, LIKE, HALF YOU COCKSUCKERS RUNNIN’ AROUND HERE. BUT I DO KNOW I GOT WHAT YOU NEED THIS VALENTINE’S DAY.

And by what you need, I mean an enormous vampire cock.”

“… Or, y’know, hugs n’ shit. I’m just in a really fucking good mood. Like, a really fucking good mood.

Anyone got a bunny or some shit?  I just wanna snuggle the fuck outta soft animals for some reason.”

[bulletsfromyourvalentine-blog]

more valentines day madness.

"OKAY. I'M GONNA BE TOTALLY HONEST. I DON'T KNOW, LIKE, HALF YOU COCKSUCKERS RUNNIN' AROUND HERE. BUT I DO KNOW I GOT WHAT YOU NEED THIS VALENTINE'S DAY.

And by what you need, I mean an enormous vampire cock."

"... Or, y'know, hugs n' shit. I'm just in a really fucking good mood. Like, a really fucking good mood.

Anyone got a bunny or some shit?  I just wanna snuggle the fuck outta soft animals for some reason."

[bulletsfromyourvalentine-blog]

Under normal circumstances, this would have been the point at which Jan's mask cracked. The point at which the eye twitched, the lips quivered, and the whole act crumbled beneath side-splitting laughter, leaving Jan clutching his ribs and screaming in hyena-like pitches, 'Oh-- oh shit! Oh my fucking god, I can't believe you fell for that shit! Holy fuck! Love! That shit's rich! Didn't know you felt that way, fucking faggot! Wanna get down and get your sympathy suck on?' But as it was, dopey with the strange effects this Valentine's day, in the face of Hidan's manic joy and the hug that threatened to make his kidneys meet in the middle, Jan could do only one thing.

Pretend he wasn't crying.

"It's okay, man! I am a shit faced son of a--" The declaration of love made him sink his face on the other's shoulder. "I-I know, man! I fuckin' know. ... But it feels so fucking good to hear you say it. Like better than a threesome good. Like -- LIKE you know that bloodbath high? Like after you've just gone apeshit on a buncha fools? Like that good. " A wave of appreciation flooded him; it occurred to him that few other people would understand that metaphor as deeply, as exactly, as Hidan. He was really the fucking best. Flinging an arm around the ecstatic Jashinist, other hand palming the front of his beanie, trying to shove the material down over his squinted, brimming eyes, he continued determinedly, despite the hint of a whimper fluctuating in his throat. "And that shit you do with the pike, man? That's fucking beautiful. I'm like--" he pulled back to thump himself twice over the heart, "It hits me here, man. It hits me here. And I wasn't thinkin' I had much left there but some rubber bands around a lump of coal, y'know? And you've got, like, the straightest fucking nose I've ever seen."  He couldn't quite put his finger on why that was an important detail, only that it was. "It's really fucking straight."

All of these feelings were overwhelmingly sentimental. Cracking a broad grin, nearly tripping over his own feet, he bounded on over to the other man and clung to his shoulders like a vice. Nails dug into the material of his shirt, they could not and would not be pried off with a drill right now. “F-FEELING’S MUTUAL, MAN!” Hysterical chortling in his throat, his own vision blurring with tears. His shoulders quivered with pitched laughter, gleeful, unable to suppress the need to embrace his friend. “Feeling’s mutual.” Finally he wailed and, twitching uncontrollably, crushed himself to the vampire in an embrace unlike any other. “And-and every time I called you a shit-faced son of a whore, I-I meant it out of LOVE, man.”

[bulletsfromyourvalentine-blog]

Who would you say is your Valentine's today~?

Your mom.

PSYCHE!

She's next, though.

[bulletsfromyourvalentine-blog]

Jan, where is your brother? I need him on tumblr too. :( Oh,and happy Valentine's day! :)

Big bro? Well, it's Valentines' Day, so, probably eHarmony.

Just kiddin'. Anyway, fuck if I know. I been trying to get his oldschool ass on tumblr for fucking EVER. But I guess he's all classy n' shit. No time for the plebs. Buuut that's big brother Luke for ya.

FUCK YEAH! HAPPY VALENTINES DAY TO YOU TOO! ... You a chick? 'Cause we can make it happier, y'know.