c-o-r-r-u-p-t - Tumblr blog

[c-o-r-r-u-p-t]

Stop flirting with girls you don’t like you dumb piece of shit

Stop leading them on stop doing it

[c-o-r-r-u-p-t]

Sometimes my people pleasing is really problematic

Like how I just kissed this girl bc I knew she wanted me to not bc I wanted to

Like how I asked Mikayla to be my girlfriend bc I knew she was waiting for me to

I like you I’m just not crazy about you

And I get crazy crazy when I really like someone so idek how to navigate this

Is this what slowly building feelings is supposed to be like? Bc I feel like if im not obsessed w you immediately it’s just not gonna happen

Idk what I’m doing

I’m sorry Skye I shouldn’t have kissed you tn

[c-o-r-r-u-p-t]

My friends were talking about how I’m not a hugger

I don’t usually show affection towards them physically etc

Which took me by surprise because I’m a very physical affectionate person

It’s one of my love languages and I love hugging my friends and leaning on them and just physical love you know platonically or not

But ph and shabbi really had an effect on me. All the times I reached out for physical affection to be rejected

I’ll never forget oh thinking I’m asleep and picking my hand off her and dropping it on the bed like it was garbage on the street

I stopped reaching out

I stopped being affectionate

That really bothers me.

I’m going to try to reach out more but I hate that I’m so insecure and scared of rejection because of them

It was just over and over again for over a year for both of them. Rejecting me in small ways every day. Me touching my leg to theirs and them moving it away. It just made me feel so unwanted and idk always a burden. My love is a burden. It always is.

[c-o-r-r-u-p-t]

I think you love me but I know you don’t

I know you don’t want a future with me but I also know you don’t want one without me

You say you want me to be your best friend but you would send me screenshots of the first time I asked you out and the day we met

You just sent me a picture of you wearing the bag I bought you

And I guess you would send that to a friend too so that doesn’t mean anything

It’s been two days since I started writing this and forgot but now I’m back bc I have more about you to complain about

You invited me to a wedding that we would have to fly to a few days ago and we haven’t even seen each other in months

I didn’t go but now out of no where you’re sending me pictures of your outfit at the wedding like were dating again

We weren’t talking, I didn’t ask, you just sent them so I would compliment you

And I don’t want to anymore

[c-o-r-r-u-p-t]

Why is flirting so gross

[c-o-r-r-u-p-t]

I know who I am and I love who I am but I didn’t realize I was trans until I was 22 and I spent my whole life up to that point planning for things that woman would have happen to them in their lives

For example I’m masc so I basically just get treated as a boyfriend by the girls I date which is fine 90% of the time but every once in a while I’m like idk do I get any flowers

Do I get anything done for me

I’m happy getting the flowers and opening the door and being a gentleman. I want to do all these things. But non binary means I’m not just a boy or just a girl, I’m both. Just because I’m masculine presenting doesn’t mean I don’t want an engagement ring or a wedding dress. But I feel like I’m not allowed to want them or else people will just stop seeing me as non binary and just go back to calling me a girl

I’ve been out since 2019 and my family still uses she for me every time and I feel like showing any kind of femininity just ruins any progress I make to other people

And like I don’t give a shit if people don’t want to accept me. Like I said I know and love who I am. But my mom loves and respects me and she just can’t fucking get it and I hate it.

[c-o-r-r-u-p-t]

You texted me again yesterday

The conversation died and you double texted to changed the subject to keep it going

You miss talking to me

I miss you

I miss kissing your forehead while you sleep

I miss drinking day old coffee with you

I miss waking up and you asking me to roll the j

Then watching you dance along to abba and some weird ass music while you get ready for work

It’s been a very long time since that’s happened though

Im just a friend to you

[c-o-r-r-u-p-t]

You texted me today and it made me too happy

Been harder than it usually is lately

I miss you

Still feel too much for you

[c-o-r-r-u-p-t]

15 years since you came into my life

15 years of trying to heal

15 years of trauma

Fuck you

[c-o-r-r-u-p-t]

I really miss you rose

[c-o-r-r-u-p-t]

One day one day one day one day one day one day one day one day one day I’m so tired of fucking waiting

[c-o-r-r-u-p-t]

I wish you wanted to know me like I want to know you

[c-o-r-r-u-p-t]

If the world was ending who would I run to

I wish rose was still alive

[c-o-r-r-u-p-t]

My comfort foods are just a mix of all the foods people close to me have shown me

Seattles berry conpound

Phs Sancocho

I’m currently making Kashke badamjun that shabbi introduced to me

None of them are in my life anymore really but always will be

[c-o-r-r-u-p-t]

:(

[c-o-r-r-u-p-t]

Waking up just to kill time before going back to sleep

I’m bored and I’m lonely

I have options to change that but I am lonely for my person and being around others doesn’t fix that

I feel sad as in pathetic that I want someone so badly that I’ve never met

What if I never meet her

What if it’s just me forever

[c-o-r-r-u-p-t]

To love and be loved

One day