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Despite the fact that I occasionally compulsively overshare, people somehow still manage to know nothing about me

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“coming of age” books and movies are so stupid like being a teenager isn’t about having sex and going to parties it’s about staring out your car window after hanging out with your old best friends who you haven’t seen in months and realizing that you aren’t actually friends anymore and that your childhood has been well and truly dead since you were thirteen

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yall ever serve urself an appropriate amount of spaghetti and are full after eating the set amount of spaghetti and consciously know that u have eaten all the spaghetti u needed but also. u know that there is More spaghetti in the kitchen. so u go and get urself more spaghetti and spend the rest of the night feeling like u ate 30 bricks cursing urself for eating so much spaghetti

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when someone gets a lyric reference you made and then continues with the next line

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friend: you have great music taste!

me: thnks fr th cmplmnt

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hey everyone!!!!!! check out this cool necklace i found and can’t remove

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[c00l-username]

My cat has ice cream prescience.

I don’t know how she does it. I don’t know how she reads my intent so clearly.

When I walk to the kitchen to get a popsicle or thaw a slice of banana bread or warm up some mango slices, she doesn’t care. She stays on her chair and waits patiently.

But when I walk to the kitchen to scoop myself a bowl of ice cream, she’s at my heels SHRIEKING by the time I turn on the light. She knows. She’s not smelling it, she’s not hearing me say ‘ice cream’, she’s not accustomed to some predictable pattern because I rarely eat ice cream.

But she fucking figures out before I even reach the refrigerator. It’s the only human food she asks for, and I have to give her a small tithe of it to keep her from shredding the skin from my legs and popping my eardrums. She’s terrifying.

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[c00l-username]

me slowly rolling over in bed every 10 minutes while i scroll my phone