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Coinciding with our blogs we were meant to collect one thing a day. I don’t use many physical things throughout the day, nor when I do consume a tangible object do I use it everyday. One thing I do consume consistently, however, is music! I compiled all the music I listened to from my Chill Music Mix Playlist into a big list and collected the album covers. It ended up being exactly 100 albums and I was able to display 82 on the poster pictured above as well as the complete list of albums. So, if you’re looking for any music suggestions, I have plenty now!

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Day 18: Crash & Burn

Usually on Sundays I add to my music collection but today is a little different... Today is an awful day. I’m experiencing the worst energy crash I’ve had in a while and it couldn’t come at a worse time. I wanted to spend today getting some work done but I can’t focus on anything, let alone think... Multiple times today I have found myself needing to just flop down onto the floor in a heap because I am so exhausted. On days when I get like this I also get really frustrated because I’m actually a highly motivated person but when I’m going through a crash it’s like I’m trapped in a limp body.

I was able to scrounge up a few spoons in order to go to therapy but I did notice I was driving very poorly and loosing focus on the road on the way there. I should’ve had a parent drive me. It was good to see my therapist because I needed to fill her in on the past week and get some advice moving forward. Seeing her really helped me feel better.

When I got home my mom and sister were really worried about me so they offered to take care of me and just sit and watch a movie together. We ended up watching a movie that my sister and I enjoyed as kids called The Cat Returns by Studio Ghibli. I love pretty much every Ghibli film and their movies never fail to make me feel better.

Hopefully by having a restful night I’ll have more spoons for this coming week. I’ll post about my updated Chill Mix / music collection tomorrow. See you later.

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Day 17: COVID Testing

Today I ended up waking up at 7AM (because of nerves) so I decided to take Murphy on an early morning walk. I actually am a morning person, I even used to work as a polo groom and woke up at 5 every morning to get to work by 6:30. Nowadays, as my sleep disorder has worsened, I usually have a very difficult time waking up early. Anyways, it was nice to be up and productive in the morning and be able to enjoy the cool air and the breaking dawn.

Later in the day I made the trek back down to Rochester to get a COVID test. I left a little after noon to get there by 2 when my appointment was and I was surprised to find the Mayo campus practically empty. I guess it makes sense since it’s the weekend but it was still kind of eerie... 

There are a lot of stories going around about the COVID swab being painful but I didn’t find it to be too bad. The woman who administered the test was very nice and we were even able to joke about things, granted in a somewhat morbid way. How the test actually goes down is that the pathologist has you sit down and press your head back to touch the wall behind you. You then lower your mask down to just below your nose. The administer then looks up your nose to see which nostril is most open (everyone is a little lopsided, I certainly am!). Then they tell you to take a few deep breaths in through the nose and out through the mouth. As the doctor inserts the swab you breath in. Having what is essentially a long Q-tip inserted into your nose much like how the Egyptians removed the brains of mummies is surprisingly painless. It feels more like having water up your nose. If you’ve ever had a cold that causes inflammation at the hole that connects the sinuses to the back of the throat, that’s kind of what it feels like.

In summary, don’t always believe overdramatic people online talking about the test and if you have to or want to get tested don’t be afraid! I’ll see you all tomorrow and remember to wear a mask, don’t touch your face, and wash your hands! (Also tonight I made myself penne rosa as a treat)

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Day 16: A Day Off

Today I didn’t have to go to Rochester which was nice. What isn’t nice is the fact that I am completely burnt out... I have absolutely no energy of any kind. I’m spending today recuperating by resting and napping. Luckily my family is able to help take care of Murphy (besides his occasional visits to my room to play or just generally pester me. See video below.)

To pass the time on my off days I usually listen to music or podcasts and try to spend some time outside when the weather’s nice. I sat outside with Murphy while he did his business and wandered the yard. Fall is my favorite season and temperature so I try my best to make the most of nice Autumn days.

Going back to listening to podcasts, today I listened to 99% Invisible which is one of my favorite podcasts along with The Dollop. The episode I heard today was about package design and marketing for store brand goods and how it’s developed over time. I highly recommend taking the time to listen! 

Anyways, I’ll see you all tomorrow!

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Day 15: Mayo Clinic Day 2

Hoo boy... I woke up this morning pretty sore and extremely tired. We had to leave at 6:30 today so I was up early again. Today’s schedule isn’t as busy but is just as long. I ended up sleeping for an hour while my dad drove. It probably didn’t help that I had to fast overnight and couldn’t eat again until 11. This time, both of my appointments were at St. Mary’s Hospital about a mile down the street from the downtown Mayo campus. We ended up parking at the Mayo building to ensure we got a spot and to drop-off the oximeter by 9. We then took the shuttle down to St. Mary’s which took forever to arrive because of the storm this morning. By this point I was really starting to peter out energy wise and could tell today was going to be a LONG day... 

The shuttle arrived in time for us to get to my first appointment and the reason I was fasting; a blood test. They ended up taking 8 or 9 viles of blood (I didn’t get a good count because I would have gotten anxious looking at the IV lol). Afterwards I could finally eat so my dad and I asked a nice elderly staffer if there were any coffee shops near by and he guided us to the Caribou across the street. YAY! I was very pleased to finally have some food, especially if that food was a cinnamon roll and a pumpkin white mocha. We went back to St. Mary’s and sat under an overhang in the courtyard watching the rain and enjoying the cool air. I was able to have a heart to heart with my dad and tell him what I had been thinking and feeling and get his two cents on the matter. It was nice...

My next appointment wasn’t for another 3 hours so we went back inside (partially because I was accosted by a big fishing spider which did seem to like us invading its space). We sat by the big stained glass windows by the main entrance where I listened to my New Music Mix and did more homework on my phone and played more Mario Sunshine. The next appointment was a bit of a walk via an underground tunnel but once there didn’t take too much time so we were again able to get back on the road at about 4:30. 

I am extremely worn out and will be trying to take it easy for the next few days as I’ll have to be back in Rochester on Saturday for a COVID test. I’ll see you guys tomorrow!

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Day 14: Mayo Clinic Day 1

Today is the first of multiple days that I’ll be spending at the Mayo Clinic down in Rochester getting tests and examinations to try and get a better idea of why I’m tired or sore all the time. The day started out really early with a wake-up time of 5 AM in order to leave by 6 AM for the hour and a half drive south. My dad accompanied me to offer support and also because when I’m tired I have fallen asleep driving before. The day started out with only two scheduled appointments but after the first consultation they added two X-Rays and an echocardiogram meaning as soon as the last appointment was done I was running across the building to the next one. 

After the X-Rays we had a 45 minute break where we took the opportunity to grab a coffee and a snack (I got some almonds) from the cafeteria. We didn’t feel comfortable taking our masks off to eat and drink indoors so we went out to a small courtyard and sat in the nice weather. After our quick snack I left my dad to quickly pick up an overnight oximeter which only took 15 minutes. The last test wasn’t for another two hours so we finally had some time to actually relax. During this long time between appointments I spent my time doing homework on my phone since I couldn’t get to the internet on my computer for some reason. I did a discussion post for Econ and did some reading for my Design and its Discontents class. Otherwise there wasn’t much I could do so I played some Mario Sunshine, a game which I always used to watch my older sister play but never played myself, on my switch. 

The last test, the echocardiogram, took about an hour so we were able to get back on the road towards home by 4:30-ish. I have another early morning and long day tomorrow so I’ll be heading to bed at 8 tonight to ensure I still have a few spoons left for tomorrow.

Photo by Alvis Upitis from The New York Times

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Day 13: Storing Spoons

I mentioned yesterday that I had a big week coming up this week. Well, today I am planning to store some of my precious resource that is spoons in preparation for the next few days. Tomorrow (Wednesday) I am starting the process of getting treatment from the Mayo Clinic. I’m going to Mayo to see if they, as the “best hospital in the world,” can help find a more accurate diagnosis or at least give us a second opinion on potential treatment. 

Since I live in the Twin Cities and Mayo is all the way down in Rochester, it’s going to be an early morning and a long day tomorrow. The first appointment is at 8:45 meaning, to allow for traffic, parking, check-in, and generally navigating the campus for the first time, my dad and I will have to leave at 6 AM. UGH!

In preparation, I have to print out all of my medical records and fill out a bunch of questionnaires as well as pack some things to do between appointments. I’m using today to get all that done as well as work on some homework in advance to try and stay on top of things over the next few days. Since it’s going to be an early start I am also using today to do some self care and rest so that I can guarantee that I’m not too tired or sore tomorrow.

The main assignment that I finished today was the second draft of my poster:

Wish me luck! And as always, save your spoons and I’ll see you tomorrow!

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Day 12: Dog Days

Today (Monday) was a busy day which used up a lot of my energy. I started the day off by having a small group critique in my Typography class for our monogram poster project. The gist of the project is that we had to select a typographer / type designer and create a monogram for them using a font they designed. Then, we had to write a short bio about the designer and use both this and the monogram and an image of our choosing (or creation) on a poster. Today we just discussed our first drafts and the professor seemed to like mine! I chose the designer Mark Simonson, the creator of Proxima Nova and Coquette as well as other fonts.

Here’s how the poster is coming so far:

Later, was me and Murphy’s first Public Manners class at the Twin Cities Obedience Training Club. Like usual, he was one of the best behaved dogs in the class! I’m taking the class to work on his focus and behavior around new and reactive dogs (the majority of the dogs in this class lack impulse control and are mildly reactive around new dogs and people) as well as his confidence when meeting new people as he can be shy with strangers. The class is a bit of a drive from where I live and is pretty late in the evening so it does make Monday’s pretty tiring.

It was a very long day and I used a lot of my energy / spoons to get everything done. I tried to take things easy when I could and will be kind to myself as much as I can tomorrow to prevent a crash, especially since I have a big week coming up! I’ll be talking about that as the week goes on though but for now I’ll be seeing you tomorrow!

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Day 11: Adding to the Collection

 So, today is Sunday which means that my go-to playlist has updated! I am of course referring to the Chill Music Mix that the Apple Music algorithm curates for its users. This week’s mix consisted of songs that I’ve heard before and plenty of new tunes to listen to! Most of the songs this week are LoFi instrumentals with some chill rap thrown in. For example, this weeks selection consited of songs by indie LoFi instrumental artists like Wun Two and In Love With a Ghost, contrasted by big name musicians like Chance the Rapper, Frank Ocean, Mac Miller, BROCKHAMPTON, and Tyler, the Creator. 

Something else I noticed this week is that with the updated iOS, the Apple Music UI design has changed. The main difference is that the playlist covers have changed from a horizontal layout with thumbnails of the albums featured in the playlist to a vertical format with only the names of the artists featured. Personally, I prefer the old design as I liked being able to see the album art which is a form of design/art that I am very interested in.

Here’s this week’s Chill Mix:

Fuego (feat. Saaaz) by lofi.samurai

Dillin by eery

This Is a Love Story. by Nohidea

My Funny... by BROCKBEATS

Again by Wun Two (This song samples the song Again which was a popular song in the 40′s sung by Doris Day. It’s one of my favorite oldies song and I recommend a listen!)

Girls by Harris Cole

Imperfection by Jazzinuf

What Does Your Soul Look Like? by DJ Shadow

Smile From U. by Jinsang

Wiid Whacker by Dj Xyanyde (This samples the mii theme and is very much a bop!)

You and Me (Dancing) by In Love With a Ghost

CALLIGRAPHY by Saba

Self Control by Frank Ocean

Small Worlds by Mac Miller

Father Son Holy Smoke by Smino

BLEACH by BROCKHAMPTON

Y U DON’T LOVE ME? (MISS AMERIKKKA) by Joey Bada$$

Acid Rain by Chance the Rapper

I DON’T LOVE YOU ANYMORE by Tyler, The Creator (This is from the IGOR album which is one of my all time favorite albums and arguably one of the best albums of our generation of music.)

North Pole by Injury Reserve

Anomaly by Princess Nokia (She is one of my favorite rappers!)

Schools out, Lets Go Get Some Ice Cream by Through & Through

Leniency by Jordan Maxwell & Sun Amichi

Working Out by JID (another underrated rapper)

Lalala by Y2K & bbno$ (I wouldn’t really call this a “chill” song but still good nonetheless...)

Alright! That’s another 25 songs to add to my music collection! See y’all tomorrow. 

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Day 10: Why are textbooks so expensive...?

Besides having an average day in terms of energy consumption, one of the main resources I used up was money. Now, I don’t have a lot of spare change sitting around so this certainly wasn’t a purchase for pleasure. No, instead I spent $130 (?!) on a textbook for my Microeconomics class... there has to be some irony there somewhere. I thought as a design student I didn’t have to worry about textbooks that I’ll only read once and then never look at again but also can’t sell because there is already a new edition that will be used by all future students... 

In graphic design, instead of paying for textbooks we pay for printing, materials, and the Adobe Suite. Most of those things will be used outside of our courses and most likely even outside of our college careers. Of course I see the benefit to textbooks, being able to reference them down the line but I also think back to high school where the school supplied our textbooks. For non-major courses or general education classes maybe offering cheaper books. Sometimes, however, you need to buy the book to get online access codes to get to homework assignments. Now, there HAS to be a better solution? This removes the option to sell used books and REQUIRES students to dish out $100+ for a book they will use once... Can’t digital versions be cheaper? 

Obviously I know nothing about the economics of textbook sales, which actually is ironic since I’m complaining about an economics textbook... hmm. Well, what I do know is that there are plenty of people out there who are smarter than me in regards to this kind of thing and I’m all for making education, especially at a state school, more affordable in anyway possible.

Alright. Rant over, save your spoons and read your textbooks. See you tomorrow.

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Day 9: Energy Begets Energy

There is this theory that is really popular in the fitness and sports medicine world “energy begets energy.” Trust me, I can’t tell you how many times my chiropractor and physical therapist have told me this, and honestly I for one think this is true... to an extent. Sometimes, when I’m feeling low on spoons, instead of resigning myself to sitting in bed doing nothing, I instead choose to do some light stretching, do some yoga, or take my dog for a quick walk. Obviously when I’m feeling super tired or sore I’m not going to go do a full workout, but just getting up and moving around usually does make me feel better if not physically, at least mentally. 

Of course, there are plenty of times where I don’t have enough spare spoons to do more than nap or sit and listen to podcasts or music to keep myself from derealizing or falling asleep. There are also times where I need to stop whatever physical activities I’m doing to rest. BUT, as with most everything, it’s a case by case decision.

Today I didn’t have any class and I usually use Friday’s as my day off so I chose to put the “energy begets energy” theory to the test as I was having a low-spoon morning. Instead of sitting around inside I chose to sit around outside where I could enjoy the beautiful fall weather and hang out with Murphy. Some how he found a gross old tennis ball that had belonged to our old dog. The fuzz was peeling off and there was a giant hole in it but it smelled GREAT (to dogs) and made for a fun chew toy.

We then went on a 45 minute walk at our favorite walking spot and met lots of other dogs! On our walks we practice general public manners as well as our heel work. He often offers a heel which I shape and reinforce by rewarding him in the heel position. I use three commands while heeling (this isn’t a formal heel but is the position used by service dogs when walking with their handler btw): “shh” which slows him down, “let’s go” to go faster or continue moving forward, and “with me” meant to be used when he moves too far laterally from my leg or when we turn and I want him to stay with me. On “fun” not working walks we only practice for a few steps and then I release him using the phrase “at ease” or “greit” (Norwegian for okay). Here’s a video showing what all that looks like if you’re curious!

https://youtu.be/AEQmJ3o2gPo

See you all tomorrow! Enjoy the autumn weather when you can.

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Day 8: Consumption during COVID? Spoons I guess.

This is starting to get difficult. Pre-pandemic and lockdown, I wasn’t much of a shopper outside of the occasional grocery trip or essential items restock and now with COVID I’m doing even less of that. That is why I’ve been writing more about how my time or energy is spent throughout the day because it is a 100% guarantee that I’m going to consume one of those resources. I think using the spoon theory which I discussed earlier helps to visualize the consumption of energy as if it were a physical good.

So, for today I had a lot of things to get done so I had to wake up early which reduced my daily allotment of spoons for today, putting me at 12 spoons total. It took me a long time to get out of bed and start the day but once I did I was able to get some food and take my stimulant medication. This helped me get out of the early morning fog that is sleep inertia just in time for an 8:45 telehealth appointment. After that wrapped up around 9:30 I was still feeling the effects of the stimulants so I was able to watch and take notes on my second microeconomics lecture. It actually felt really good to be really productive so early in the morning! I took a nice long, warm shower as a reward. I would say this morning took up a total of 7 spoons leaving me with 5 remaining.

Later, I had to take my dog for a walk which usually takes up another 3 spoons but brings me a lot of joy! We went to Gray’s Bay Dam which is our favorite place to walk, especially since today was a lovely autumn day: Nice and cool and the smell of leaves in the air! Right after that I had class via zoom. It’s a lecture so unless I have questions I usually just listen along. I would say this took me down another spoon meaning now I only have one left for the rest of the night unless I want to dip into my spoon storage for tomorrow... The more I dip into my reserves the bigger the crash I’ll have later on so I think I’ll take it easy tonight.

One note: Of course I can’t really accurately predict how many “spoons” or the exact amount of energy I will have in the day, but it’s more of a way to gauge how much energy I’m using so that I don’t push myself too hard. 

Anyways, I’ll see you tomorrow! Save your spoons!

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Day 7: Time Spent

As I’ve mentioned, I have a sleep disorder and fibromyalgia. When living with these two conditions, one of the most precious resources I have is time. I have to strictly manage how much time I spend and what I spend it on. This is kind of similar to the concept of energy as a consumable resource but is more quantitative instead of qualitative and how I spend my time doing can be effected by my energy. 

Let’s do some math to help visualize. As we know, there are 24 hours in a day and the average adult needs 8 hours sleep meaning most people have 16 hours awake to do their daily activities. I only have 14 hours a day and unlike the average person, I process information and perform activities MUCH slower. For example, even when I get a full 10 hours sleep, I still experience excessive daytime sleepiness where I am physically and mentally fatigued to the point where I am incapable of doing most basic activities. On average I would say that I actually only have 6-8 productive hours that I can spend either studying, doing homework, working, exercising, and/or doing chores among other things. The remaining hours are spent either during my morning routine, my nighttime routine, doing mindless hobbies, or wasted zoning-out because that’s all I can manage. 

I don’t want to come off like I’m complaining about “how sucky my life is, ugh! Pitty me!!” Instead, I simply want to describe the reality of living with an invisible disability in order to fight the stigmas surrounding them. For many disabled people, their time and energy is an extremely precious and exiguous resource, something which abled people rarely have to experience. Yes, everyone can feel tired or short on time occasionally, but for some people that is their daily reality so try to be compassionate and considerate to other people’s experiences. Trust me, I have had plenty of people be ableist to me or be unkind when I am unable to do “normal 20-something year old activities” or have to cancel plans due to my illnesses. If more people simply knew the truth and understood, maybe there would be less judgement and discrimination.

If you would like to know more about IH, C-PTSD, GAD, and Fibromyalgia, follow the links below:

The Hypersomnia Foundation 

What is Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder?

Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD)

Everything You Need to Know About Fibromyalgia 

Spend what little time you have wisely and well! See you tomorrow.

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Day 6: Running Errands

Today my only scheduled class is at 4:30 so before that I decided to run an errand. I try to limit the time outside of my house to daily walks with the dog, running essential errands, and the occasional outdoor and social-distanced and masked-up meeting with friends. The errand today was to the pet store near me called Chuck & Dons! It’s an awesome locally owned company with multiple locations around the twin cities. While they don’t carry the brand of dog food I feed (Purina Pro Plan Sport), they have all the treats, toys, and other goodies I could ever need!  

I needed two things today: Greenies and a new bowl mat. Murphy, my dog/ESA/SDiT (I will be talking about his training later, so stay tuned!), is now 14 months old and is old enough to start having dental chews! Ideally, I would give him the Purina Dentalife chews but as I mentioned earlier Chuck & Don’s doesn’t carry Purina nor could I find them in stock at our local PetCo. Greenies it is then! Next is the mat. My old bowl mat would get moldy after only a few days and was difficult to clean which wasn’t helped by the fact that Murphy is both a messy eater and drinker. I decided to invest in a machine washable, less textured mat that (hopefully) won’t get moldy. 

The total cost came out to be a little less than $30, which is a decent chunk of change for only two items. On the flip side, I used to own and show horses before owning and showing Murphy (we’re hoping to compete in agility down the road once he’s old enough) and dogs cost MUCH less then horses in every sense! Dogs seem to be a lot more small purchases more frequently while horses are a lot of large costs every month with bigger costs during shows. Not to mention my dogs vet bills range from $80-300 on average with his neuter costing $800 which is much less than my horse’s bills which often reached $1,000 or more.

This is Murphy!

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Day 5: Takeout Night!

Very rarely does my family order takeout for supper, especially now that there’s a global pandemic. We usually only order out for special occasions or when a family member is too busy for a home-cooked meal. The only consistent takeout we get is “Friday night, pizza night!” where we get pizza from our local pizzeria, Olive’s. (If you’re ever in the Minnetonka/Excelsior area, I 10/10 recommend them!) 

The other nights we get takeout are nights when my mother, who is our cities clerk, has council meetings and tonight is one of those nights! My dad and I really like Buffalo Wild Wings and since they have food you can heat up to kill any germs, we decided to splurge! I know it may sound excessive to go through the extra effort of heating up our food but both my parents are high risk so I don’t want to chance it... none of us do. Anyway, my usual order is the boneless wings with spicy garlic sauce! I like spicier foods but I am also very, VERY white so I can’t handle anything too hot. 

Buying takeout or eating out nowadays is one of the many things being affected by COVID-19. No longer can we go out with friends or families to restaurants unless we sit outside, but I feel like even that is a risk I’m not comfortable taking. The only takeout food we buy now has to be able to be heated up. I used to go to cafes or coffee shops to get a drink and do work or study but I have stopped that too. Yeah, I’ve seen other people going out and returning to a somewhat “normal” life, with adjustments of course, but I have also seen people being extremely careless and unsafe! According to the CDC, the current best estimate is that 40% of COVID cases are asymptomatic and the infectiousness of those people, relative to symptomatic people is 75%. Those are numbers I don’t want to mess with... so infrequent takeout and heating food up is what we’ll do!

Not to end it on a downer, but I’ll see you tomorrow.

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Day 4: Music

I listen to a lot of different kinds of music as I have a very broad taste in music. The kind of music I listen to most often would have to be lo-fi beats as that’s what I play while I’m working or studying. I use Apple Music (I know spotify users everywhere are screaming at me...) and they have playlists with song suggestions that update weekly. My favorite of these playlists is the Chill Mix which updates every Sunday. 

This week’s playlist included the following:

Ginger Syrup by BROCKBEATS

Sacrifice by Nohidea (My personal favorite this week as it includes samples from Studio Ghibli’s My Neighbor Totoro, one of my favorite films which I will be discussing in a later post.)

Who We Are by Through & Through

Fallin’ by The Deli

Ride Away by Aso

Flux by Chance Thrash

Natural High by Kreaem

Rest by  wüsh

Cant Remember by Player Dave

Dogbite.2 by eery & eli filosov [ p h i l o ]

Me and U by Jordan Maxwell

Clouds by Jinsang

Cannon by BROCKHAMPTON 

Wild Irish Roses by Smino

Sundays by Aminé

SYRE by Jaden (This is one of my favorite songs from this album.)

Love Is Only a Feeling by Joey Bada$$

Coolin Out by Aso

Flowers by Seneca B

Next Stop by LBL

I Thought We Were Lovers (feat. Basil) by In Love With a Ghost (One of my favorite Lo-Fi artists and they always have the cutest album art!)

Do U Even Want To See the Future by Derek Pope

A Ghost Chant by meltycanon

Getsomerest/Sleepwell by quickly, quickly

Relax (feat. Emune) by Plusma

Music is really important to me when studying or working as it helps keep me focused, engaged, and motivated! I always love finding new music of all different genres so I’m always open to suggestions. Anyways, I’ll see you tomorrow!

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Day 3: What Happens When I’m Out of Spoon?

Sometimes... well, a lot of times I tend to overdo it. I only recently developed my IH during my junior year of high school and often find myself pushing too far because “I used to be able to do it.” Maybe I’m longing for a life or a body that I no longer have? Maybe I simply don’t know my own limits yet? I honestly don’t know. While I have had anxiety and fibro my whole life, I’m still new to this whole “constantly tired, falling asleep during low energy activities, and needing 10+ hours of sleep a night” thing.

So, what happens when I do deplete my resources? Well, I crash. HARD. I get major headaches, severe body pain, am unable to focus on anything, and my anxiety rises and my fuse shortens. There are some resources I can use and consume to help prevent or lessen the length or severity of a crash. First off, every morning (if I wake up early enough...) I take a stimulant medication. While the pill doesn’t necessarily “wake me up” it does increase my alertness and ability to focus meaning I may not be able to physically do certain things - in the words of my doctor, “it won’t make you be able to do cartwheels down the hall,” but it does allow me to focus on getting homework done and feel more in touch with the world around me. 

When I am tired, I also experience brain fog and feel as though I’m losing touch with my surroundings, which is also known as derealization. To mitigate this I use grounding techniques, some better than others, to help me come back to the present. These methods include breathing exercises and meditation, picking at my skin (this is the bad one), and listening to music. Music plays a big part in my life for this reason as it can help calm me and keep my aware of my surroundings.

I’ll talk about the music I consume tomorrow. See you then and save your spoons!