cabincrewdiary

[cabincrewdiary]

30

This is it. This is real. I’m turning 30 tonight. I mean abroad that’s already it but I was fortunate to still a few hours in my twenties. Those 20s have such a roller coaster. I’m feeling content and at peace. I think that’s the right feeling to feel. I’ve been fortunate to go at the other part the world somewhere lost in the pacific ocean between the oceanie and the American continent. I am truly grateful for this. I’ve been lucky enough to make my sister travel for the occasion. We still have our same kid’s fight. Normality that’s what I needed for this. Can’t believe it’s probably been 6 years since I started journaling and my inconsistency has been real. My heart tells me to keep on. And that’s exactly what I’m gonna do. Do the things that makes me happy. Follow my heart and my soul. Take risks. Because I’m worth it. I’m a incredible human being. I love, adore and cherish my self. I won’t change only to improve myself. Everything will never be perfect and I’ve come to the solution to accept. Own that. So much are surrounding me and that’s the most important. I will keep my circle as close and safe as possible. Being careful of who I let in. Quality doesn’t worth quantity. I’ve lost plenty of people that I’ve accept to let them go. For my own sanity. I will speak loud, for my own pride. Some of the ternish things will just fade for me.

I need to better organize myself. take more notes. Be on time. Be present in the moment. Accept my vulnerability. And just trying to be a better person. Have humility and humbleness. Give back. Be ambitious. Show love to people I care about.

My 20s have been the best I could have dreamed of. As the narration says, I would not change anything. Because it truly build the person I am today. I’ve learned so much of this. Young and reckless. But I have realized myself. Show some elevation some would never except of me. Pushed boundaries, push codes, pushed messages and always follow my dreams. I want to thank god, to thank life, to thank my family, to thank my friends and my love . As well as all the people that have crossed my path and strengthened the person I am today. Keep me safe 🙏🏾

[cabincrewdiary]

Descent

(Unreleased)

Gosh I always say that but I feel like I REALLY need vacation, like emotional vacation. I am tired to lie to everything, everyone. I feel so misunderstood, my heart is empty. I try so hard to make like everything is alright but that just sincerely not the case here. I feel sad and alone most of the time. Am I trying to change it, yes and no. I think I know what I need to make my heart complete or partially full but somehow this thing just seem to fly away from me. Like everybody deserves this, will have this but me. That shit is so unfair. But I sincerely can’t complain, I’m extremely fortunate. Look at me complain about my life when I litterally flying 10000km from my place in a tropical 🌴 area where litterally everybody having the opportunity will just do it. Okay that helps, it made me feel made feel a little better. I remain still thankful of the opportunity life gave me. Cause I know I will have chase this if it didn’t happen for me. I’m extremely thankful of this opportunity of life that is happening to me. I chose this life. I am chooosing my mélancolic happiness.

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SPACE

Do u ever felt like you belong to nowhere anymore. Like u missing out on so much just because you’re focusing on your goals, dreams so you don’t have time to split yourself in t’en and that the people around u when you take from your own time off to rest make u like they just don’t care. Sorry it’s not the good vibe talk that I’m trying to put around here but that’s just the harsh reality of my life. Like this akward vibe, feeling when you’re entering a place. Well that’s exactly how I feel. More from time to time, maybe it’s not done on purpose but it’s still be it. They don’t understand that it’s just the most heartbreaking feeling to live. Like you don’t feel more alone than when you are with all this judging eyes. This feeling I wish it to nobody. Aren’t they suppose to love me unconditionally and support me no matter what? Or listen to me. And when actually you show that you care enough to move your ass and spend times, money and other sacrifice why? Like why. That’s just disappointing and you feel like why are you making this effort. To at the end feel this emptiness around a crowd. And I’m trying to be the most supportive showing that I care, trying to give the best advice, support them in their daily struggles, and nothing in returns. Not a how are you feeling today? I’m not talking about the stupid superficial question when we know deep down inside that we couldn’t careless about the answer. I’m speaking about deep real ass conversation. Not just pretending. I wish they could feel it, I’m not asking for the world I think. And not feel that in their questions or their eyes, there’s some shade in the body language.

That’s just how I feel.

The best for me would be to find someone to share my life with. To settle down. To not disperse myself.

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Find a backpack, put some fresh clothes on, put on some dope ass music and get the fuck out of your environment to get your mind of your routine because at the end of day that’s all u have, is your freedom. We only got this one life.. And in a blink of an eye, all we thought we had can litterally disappear.

It’s been a few weeks of intense work but you know the motto of work hard play hard, well that’s exactly what I proceed of. Yet I’ve been soo exhausted I still manage to have time to spend quality time with entourage which is so important.

[cabincrewdiary]

Club 27

What I wrote yesterday hasn't been saved. Was it a sign ? Maybe some words were a bit a too negative, strong and pessimist from my part. Even though I take full responsibility of what I write, I also have this amazing thing called self reflection and second thought, always trying to better myself because thats just the essence of life. But don't get wrong the majority of my speech was speaking about growth, where my life is right now, where I wanna go with and what I want and am deep down inside.

I just turned 27, hope to not become a part of the tragically sad infamous club 27. Amy Winehouse, my dear. you are so deeply missed. She just has been part of my generation and i thank her so much for her music and everything she was. I think she's been the ultimate realest trully Rock and Roll baddest girl on earth. Trully not giving any fuck about what anybody think or any opinions, even punching fans if they would piss her off. I mean like. Icon. I said that I would write a full article about people I am so passionate about and she'll be definetely a part of.

Anyway what I want for this new year of me is to try appreciate everything second, every minute of life. Or at least the most of it, cause goood knows shit getting on my nerves aha. I will just try to make my own bubble out of it and focus on myself, what I want, what I like, things I'm passionate about and people I want in.

I would also appreciate for love to finally knock at my door. I think I work really hard on myself and trying to love and know myself as better as I possibly could to let someone in just give the best version of myself now that I have everything else. I am not going to lie, this is the only thing I feel really sad and upset about deep down inside not understanding why it just not happen for me. Like with all the sacrifice that I make, knowing that I chose difficulties over easiness. Feeling and knowing that I won't get the approval, that I am getting judge, critize, deeply dislike to say the least and I still work sooo hard for is something going through my mind at any minute any time of the day and life. But I won't give up, as I never did for anything that really matter for me.

[cabincrewdiary]

LEO SEASON

August is such a beautiful month. Grateful to have been born in this month. First of all, it’s in the summer season like come on you guys, it is literally the best month. Some of my personal inspiration have been born in this month too. Like Meghan Markle, Barack Obama. I’m so proud to be related to those kind of two of my ultimate inspirational people. Michaël Jackson was born in this month too, just saying. I really appreciated that my mom remembered that my childhood inspiration was born the same month as me, mister Roger Federer. Crazy to think that I was at the same place as him, just like a few hundreds meters away but the worst thing in that is that I couldn’t even see him because I was working fucking hell, but still I was at the same place so I’m still grateful. One day, I will see him. I’m going to make this happen for me, like I made everything else happened. By the sweat of my forehead. Oh more recently, Kylie Jenner was born in aug too. I will make an article of all of my inspirational people. There are so much more.

Anyway that was not the point of my article. I wanted to speak about life. I’ve been wanting to do this for so long but being in my thoughts. Focusing on shit, or goals, or people, or actions, or future. I don’t want to say laziness because this year I’ve been everything but not lazy. Been working the hardest I’ve ever done, accumulating even 3 jobs in a month, 2 jobs in a day like.. I’ve done a move in. Finally, you guys know how hard I’ve been wanting to do this for so long. I haven’t wrote about it. I’ve been moving my own to first appartement by myself for the first you guys. I’m so proud of myself, especially when I know Ive done the whole thing only in just one day. Had to accommodate to my ex roommates but whatever the past is the past and I don’t want those useless shit to overshadow what happen in my life. And what basically the highlight of my career.

I am what I’ve always dreamed of, which is to be a Parisian. I am a Parisian you guys. I am so proud to be able to say that. Okay, not everything is perfect let’s just say the things as they are. Its really something hard to go through, having to juggle between everything by yourself is really something that you have to handle every motherfucking day but I am really proud of me at the end of the day. Its important to say it. And actually I’m quite content that I haven’t write during the process because I think my analyse would have been a bit more pessimist and not without seeing the bigger picture. Which is something, I really need to work on. To do it automatically and basically everything.

I am becoming an adult, in all his aspects but with my own version. Which is hundred times more powerful because I don’t really have model to follow because no one did it the same way before me, having to juggle with all those different personalities. Boss bitch

Since we are in honest safe zone, I’m finally going to be able to speak about whats been going through my mind lately. I’ve disappoint to so much people, feeling like I truly trust no one. That some people really wants to see you fail, downgrade, want to profit from you. As they “They want to see you doing good but not better than them”. Which is ironanically completely true. And its so sad and funny cause the people I always I could trust the most, eyes closed, that litterallu I would have given the world to, would simply no to do it for me. But that’s a great lesson I feel like. Always keep your guard about anything and most importantly anyone. Just to do something is so easy and important which is to protect yourself. There is only you at the end day or this life.

But don’t worry I’m fine, I’m just going to protect myself from people

[cabincrewdiary]

26 JULY  20

Time to write. twenty minutes, montre chronos (don’t forget that french is my first language). Hi how are ya? For my part I’m feeling a little bit better. I mean I hope I don’t pretend. Actually no, I’m not feeling good, but not like not good at all just not good. Writing just makes me feel a little bit better. I had the cliché to my write in my room in my paper diary with like my oversized blue Lacoste shirt, I have to do it. But back to me, the real me. Just a second Gilmore girls is soooo good. Like my best friend of the moment, my sister, partner, family, friend, colleague, everything related. I just idolize so much but just realized that just a pure fiction related to real stories of course but that was not real. Like Gossip Girl that I adore so much, there are not real. Just the fantasy of someone’s mind. Which comfort me to live in my fantasy world where everything is like I would idolize.  I mean I don’t idolize lots of stuff anymore because I know that behind the door its never like what people would think and except.

But back to the main stuff. I suffered lots of disappointments those past few weeks. And I’m going to release it for my heart to be less heavy. I’m disappointed to my cousin. For making me like he’s better than me, acting like he doesn’t care, acting like nothing ever happened; for never like once putting in my shoes and asking if I’m doing okay. He knew before anyone did, he knew it. Maybe he’s ashamed today to know, to have been a part of it but he knows it. Maybe yes, seeing that Im still standing, for showing that I am proud of who I am, without being ashamed of who I am is what he doesn’t understand. Like he would never have the balls to do what I just do or say but I’m doing it. And now trying to show off his new GF, by saying it to my sister, to my stepmom, like what did you think? For a straight second, what did u think? That I won’t have word of this? You literally don’t have the balls to tell this to my face. I don’t get it. Be straight up in your actions , show that you care, because I know you do. And I do too. Too easy to say that I don’t give any news, that I’m only asking for help and the other time I don’t ask for anything. But that’s fine. Its between me and you and we will leave it like that. Just the fact that you trying to put me out of my cousin best day shows everything I was low key thinking. I have a big heart and what’s behind this are just questions of why. But I just realized with times that not everything has an answer and that some things are just better appart I guess. As Ive mention before, I will only stay here for the people who are here for me and I will support them the same way.

Just I need for people to understand that I need time and reflection. To see where I wanna go, I wanna be. Doing the things for me. Because yes I’m strong. But that’s not easy everyday and when you have to hold so many stuff, just know that you are worthy, you’re strong, everything will be fine. Surround yourself with good energy only. Do the things you want to do. Learn to say no or if you can’t like me most of.the time, ignore it do you. Cause you are worth it and people behind the door just don’t know about you. They will never, or just pretend or judge you, we’ll try to dig your weakness, will have their ideas about you when they just catch a glimpse of you really are. So be free, be wildL

I’m thankful because I acknowledge the fact that Im so lucky to be on this earth. Like I was putting on my body lotion after taking my thirty minutes shower the lotion smell like mango, I was clean as fuck, I had put on my skincares, I had took time for myself and I just realized that that was the freedom, that I was so lucky no matter what. I celebrated but a glass of coke. Amazing. And just few hours ago I was supposed to have TWO dates. Bitch. Guess who got dumped not one but twice. The two guys came up with excuses. One was too tired and lazy which I can totally relate; the other one was celebrating his best friend birthday which I can totally relate too. Gosh I’m so lucky to be in the appartement. Its my lucky low-key treasure. But Im happy because I didn’t get mad and screw everything up as I always do. I guess. Maybe I just fell to the same type of guys every times. Who just seem to not give a fuck. Like I was not enough, what I deep down feel, that Im not enough. Damn Rory said a damn truth before about her dad. I kinda forgot but lt was like the fact that he always got so far from his children and related that he just didn’t know how approach them anymore even though he would want to say to them so much but he just doesn’t how to do it. And my uncle said a truth apart of all the bullshit he was saying the other time about the fact that it might have a bad entourage and that he was bad advised, I feel the same. Like I feel like I just project and do what my dad do but just in a different type of way. Of course when he was speaking about the love for his daughter was the only thing I really listened to.

Thank you so much I feel so much better to have spoke my mind on things. Still so much things to say, that I will. I didn’t speak about him, I will tomorrow. I mean hopefully. I’ll do it more often because here I don’t feel judge. No one is listening or reading it anyway.

You know you love, xoxo  

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24 MAY 20

Hi guys. I hate this intro though but I keep on doing it. Soooo. I just got dumped from the first date at the LAST minute. I was litterally getting out of the shower after having like the best skincare, the best haircut, shaving and everything. Like what the fuck. But that’s fine. I just got overwhelmed but after having my lazy ass routine I so much needed it feels really good. i watched two youtubers that I do not absolutely follow in any of their social media space which is really funny because one doesn’t published any content at all on youtube like being inconsistent as me and the other is like a bullimic this which not really not nice to say though because I think it is really her disease so sorry to say this about her.

I really appreciate it because one was just speaking really naturally because putting on some type of attitude and was speaking with such a natural voice which was really pleasant to listen to and was not boring at all so I liked it.

And the other its been a few month im into her videos because I just love how organized is this girl and always really trying to explain everything to everything. like the most annoying thing you would definetely not not mention or try to explain, she’s doing it. I really enjoy it too because I could to do anything like cooking, organizing stuff do my laundry and everything it would just be like listening to music it just goes with the flow. Definetely the last thing I love about her is that she is so organized like this is really so inspiring so much thing she has to do into a day and that she’s doing and filming it, doing it while explaining it  so it does really helping me in my routine and the pave Im going for in my on going on new journey routine of life.

Which lead to my next point of my mental health. Im doing good. Thank for asking, because not many have asked if my doing ok (Megan Markle, Duchess of Sussex), this girl I really my Icon I will try to my an article of my icons. By the way Happy 6th anniversary of wedding.

My family left my place, it was really good to spend time with them. But two weeks is a lot haha. I’m really starting to realize that I really like and appreciate my space and my alone times. And its way more that need my mental health. I cried though today, I think it was just an overwhelming feeling of everything and that I litterally havent cried for a weeks lol (sorry I have but so appropriate).

I also had thought for my best friend, of course after the false alert date. Because of course is the only consistent thing in my life for the past few month, trying to always reaching out and keeping in touch with me which so cute and adorable even though its a friendship, apparently not a love story so I really don’t get why your purchase someone giving him confidence and more attention when the person just gave u out a shoutout of love confession. The smartest and logic thing in the situation would have been to back off, repulse from the situation and not going more deep with it I mean.but whatever trying not to think to much about it and trying to focus on the on going process of looking for the new love.

I love it because I feel like a youtuber because that my creative space I feel so confident and coocooning vibes while doing it, very carrie Bradshaw; and its like a drung you want to do it more and more and more lol. Also because as them I’m not watching my content like what Im writing or reading back because I already lived it and process that again while writing, its my story, I write so I already know it you know? ahah just a thought as usual.

gosh I do feel amazing when Im about to finish the writing of an article, like it feels good, feeling proud like a mother.

I do want to get have more friends though. Like gay friends. It would be so much more needed, to explain stuff beause getting (crying, burst of tears of crying), anyway being surrounded by girls, straights or muslim that don’t get to understand the struggle is really a challenge sometimes like I think it would be so amazing in my new life line stories. Gosh my tooth start to hurt, I think I’ll have to get a surgery which is really freaking me out and the fact Its no fucking way that Im getting braces as well. Ugh, whatever. So proud that I keep on doing my workout even though of the confinement but I have to do the cardio as well so I plan on runining this week (just decided it). I just had a bulimia of food today, really, really fucked up. Even though it was the first day out of ramadan that is really really not good I have to start to concentrate on my food organisation.

[cabincrewdiary]

Discipline

Okay I had to wait for my phone not turning on for the whole evening to start an article at 3.45am. Good morning. Whooo. Just whoo Its been a journey. Finally a place I don’t have to filter myself. I mean, just in English. I’ve going through a whole journey by myself during this quarantine. Just me, myself and I. For a whole two months. I don’t know how I feel, that’s the real answer. Loliness is the definetely something though. That not so many people can go through. I really don’t know how the prisoner do to be honest. Its just you and your thoughts. And more power to them, I had my phone, some Instagram, some Pinterest, some Tinder, some Memrise, some family, some friends to go through it. I realease lot in them.

Oh and the Ramadan happen to come during this confinement. Which as you can imagine does not help through this emptiness. But it’s been real. Lots of cries happen to happen. Lots of concern for the future, who and what I am, what and where the future hold for me. And I’ve going through the deep down issue, which happen to be the struggle of it all. My sexuality. This thing unfair that occurred to happen to me or who always been with me going to extreme concern of the whats going to happen when they will know? Where and when they will know? And how? They have to know it. Anyway I’m not going to go through it now maybe later or in another article.

This quarantine learned me that I’m not going to change anything. I will had some things for sure. Organisations. Cleaning. Time for myself. Workout. Skincare. Yes because I love myself more than anybody else. And since this amount of love has not been returning at its own worth, I will do it ten times more. Because I always knew it but now more than ever. I’m all by myself. My own soldier, my own support system. My therapist 24h/7. And discipline. Discipline is really something that’s going to conduct my life now. I just realize that its what maybe help me during this quarantine. Discipline of emotions, physic, cleaning, file, entourage and so on.

Also I would to add to the subject that my entourage at his whole might not be the healthiest. It always has not been. Some kind of circle going around might not have the best interest to heart. Maybe even the closer one. Maybe in a more vicious and smarter one. Not everyone obviously but nothing is done without interest. Its the human nature, we always are in need for something. But there’s definitely some thing and people I will change. Life is too short. This thought have going through my mind as well. Scary thoughts. But this will me enjoy life at his fullest. Gosh I can not wait for love, real love.

The people I happen to meet and chat because lets juste say what it is are just chat. They’re so empty. Vicious.

(Little pause to finish eat for the whole day. This thing is really rough. Not everybody can go through this. let’s just say what it is.)

Anyway. I can’t believe how negative I’ve been in this whole article ahah. Just some deep thoughts I don’t let go out and maybe that there is some kind of exageration which happen to be my DNA. Thats why It came out like that. I will just be really cautious of who enters my life and the accesibility I give to it. Because you’re the only power to yourself. Respect yourself.

I just want to give cud’s to myself because lots of stuff unorganized like my 29.000+ pictures have been resume to 10000 deletes. Which is just a beginning. All the unorganized stuff of my life just start to come out. Which is so much needed.

Oh and I’m in love with my best friend. Thats right fine I said it. Its still complicated in my head but its a thing. Hope I can resolve it. Of course its still due to loneliness and disappointment from other crush but it keeps on haunting me. And the fact that he doesn’t do anything to change that just by adding some fuel in it does not help. I hope I can move on from it and find the love that deserve me and treat me well. I still believe.

[cabincrewdiary]

Quarantine as its finest

Hello you guys. I said that I was not going to say this again but it’s been a while. I don’t have any excuse because I’ve been stuck in my house for nearly 3 weeks now. Been going out three or four times only. Pretty crazy right. No I’m not on depression haha, I mean I think so. I didn’t quit my job neither, at least I hope so. I didn’t break up with my boyfriend, I wish I had one, especially in this time period.

The world is pretty crazy at the minute, thank gosh not mine, but I’m scared that it’s a bit worse... we all have to go through this painful period, where for once, every social classes are treated the same, stuck in our own houses. Fighting this invisible disease who is frightening everyone. The world needed union at the end, so if it can help at the end, lets see the positive affect and effect. I literally cannot believe about some people must been going through at the moment. My heart and thoughts go out to them and their family during this terrifying time.

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I was in the winter of my life, and the men I met along the road were my only summer. At night I fell asleep with visions of myself, dancing and laughing and crying with them. Three years down the line of being on an endless world tour, and my memories of them were the only things that sustained me, and my only real happy times. I was a singer. Not a very popular one, I once had dreams of becoming a beautiful poet, but upon an unfortunate series of events saw those dreams dashed and divided like a million stars in the night sky that I wished on over and over again, sparkling and broken. But I didn't really mind because I knew that it takes getting everything you ever wanted, and then losing it to know what true freedom is. When the people I used to know found out what I had been doing, how I'd been living, they asked me "Why?", but there's no use in talking to people who have home. They have no idea what it's like to seek safety in other people, for home to be wherever you lay your head. I was always an unusual girl. My mother told me I had a chameleon soul, no moral compass pointing due north, no fixed personality; just an inner indecisiveness that was as wide and as wavering as the ocean... And if I said I didn't plan for it to turn out this way I'd be lying... Because I was born to be the other woman. Who belonged to no one, who belonged to everyone. Who had nothing, who wanted everything, with a fire for every experience and an obsession for freedom that terrified me to the point that I couldn't even talk about it, and pushed me to a nomadic point of madness that both dazzled and dizzied me.

Every night I used to pray that I'd find my people, and finally I did on the open road. We had nothing to lose, nothing to gain, nothing we desired anymore, except to make our lives into a work of art. Live fast. Die young. Be wild. And have fun. I believe in the country America used to be. I believe in the person I want to become. I believe in the freedom of the open road. And my motto is the same as ever: "I believe in the kindness of strangers. And when I'm at war with myself I ride, I just ride." Who are you? Are you in touch with all of your darkest fantasies? Have you created a life for yourself where you can experience them? I have. I am fucking crazy. But I am free.

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Ride

Gosh its 3.15am and I’m fucking starting an article. Totally sounds like a typical me. Will probably be finishing tomorrow because litterally have so much things to do.  Just wanted to adress little night thoughts. First of all I’m feeling good. Even though I’ve been crying a lot lately like I dont know why but the intro of Ride totally describe how I feel and since I listen to it, it made sens. so i will attach some of her words.

Been through some pretty though flirts, because lets just call it like what it is, just flirts. Been trying to find that person for so long now, but who’s that person really like? Someone simple, kind, brilliant, handsome, loving, caring, rich haha.

I will find it. I hope so. Will keep on trying to find it but maybe in a healthier way. The way that will not hurt me, or less. Not blaming myself for someone that dont even care, doesnt even know you, like not even trying and playing this nasty game of just wanting their two weeks attention. Like I’m so done. I want someone who will brought me up, fill me up with all those good energy and who will at the end love me for who I am. With the highs and low points. 

i know deep down inside the good and the bad, when I have to advice friends and families, I’m doing it so easily because I know whats good and whats not so what don’t I just do it with myself ? I just realise it with the last one. Like, bitch, I’m not asking you for the world. Just that you show that you actually care about me. I would have giving you the world. But at the end. Thank you. Thank u for not my wasting my time and showing me the real you. I hope that I will take for granted all I’m saying.

I want to be healthier. And taking more care of myself. My skin, my body. Taking less dumb ass decision. my new year will start next month haha. 

Tomorrow I’m going on vacation. Brazil. wow. its just going to be an amazing experience, I will do my best for it. I will enjoy every second of it. I feel like I really need it. To escape from everything, release everything, let lose and living at the fullest. 

oh I made an article so I’m probably going to publish it.

Looking good.

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2020

Finally took the time to go back to my writing things. Hi guys. Happy New Year yall 😇. We just passed a whole new decade. Still can’t believe this. Lets say 2010s even though it was my whole teenage. Yas I just realised that I just had a whole decade a teenage, how fab. I did all da shit I had to go, figuring my way. Did all the best and worst things for sure. Just trying to balance my way out to become the best version of myself and who I truly wanted to be. And no shades or flowers to myself. I think I’ve accomplished it. Through all the teardrops, laugh, victories, fails, dramas, breakdo!n, level up, unapologetic moments it has been real. But then to say I don’t regret anything would be a lie. Maybe even though it helped me to become the person I’ve grown into, of course there’s things I wish I would have done better. (To be continued...)

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Overload

Just because apparently a lot lately. And that it describe totally the situation I am enrolled in. Bruh. Can I just say I just spend the best year of my entire life so far? What can I just a part that I’m just thankful for everything life brought me in. What an accomplishment, the success story I would say to my children later. Never, ever, ever not believe in yourself. Everything you want and that you work so hard for, will pay, at some point. Even though everything happened so quickly I just tried my best to embrace it and ahhh live every experience at his hardest. I don’t even where to start. I mean don’t want to make a boring ass article telling how blessed I am. But that’s exactly what I’m doing right now. (Originally written December 19th, 2019)

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Parenthèse

Je vais faire cette article en français. Un peu de changement ça ne fais pas de mal à personne et Internet a inventé la merveilleuse option traduction.

Hello everyone, it has been a while.

Just changed my mind. Sticking with english. Cause it just permits me to be the person I wanna be. So much things to talk about, so many subjects and ideas that I have in my minds. So many things that have happened those past few weeks. I’m just so ashamed because my only excuse it’s that I was lazy as fuck. But in the mean time and I didn’t really have time. As usual.

Have been really emotional those past few weeks, lots of roller coaster.

Oh and yes, I was about to have an appartement. Like was about to sign it, like pop the champagne, starting a new life litterally and all that.. haha didn’t happen. I should just have shut the fuck up and wait for this to really happen before bragging it as I always do.

Have been really disappointed by people I really considered as friend and who litterally just shited on me. Like. Bitch. I mean I, like learned my lesson. Never trust anybody. Like all the people around u, will always have flaws at some point. Just keep on being focused and put your guard up at any time.

Learning this with work as well. I absolutely am aware and acknowledge the luck I have to have a job so precious, where I can get to be the real me and get my money out of that.

« Find a passion and find a way to make money out of that » Trump. Probably the smartest thing he ever said.

Oh by the way I went to Mexico at Cancún. Litterally and probably the best vacation of my whole life.

Dude like I saw dolphins, my childhood dream, the tv show Flipper. Like, I still can’t believe I made this thing happen to me by myself. I wore a snake, swam in turquoise sea, living my best life on a luxury boat, was litterally like a rich bitch for 8 days. Obviously the best vacation I’ve ever had and just the beginning of an amazing new journey.

Halloween was lit. Like my eyes were dope as fuck. Helped by the subject of my next article.

Oh yes and I was invited to a, excuse my French, Commandant De Bord’s house party. Like. The fuck.

So happy to be back on my writing. Missed it. The upcoming weeks Or days of I’ll have wonderful news to share

[cabincrewdiary]

coming soon guys

[cabincrewdiary]

And who I am, is a big time believer

I love it because what I let everyone see about me is that I’m just such a showing off person, like where I travel, who I am with, parties mode style and here the only thing I show is my writing.

I surrond myself with genuine and authentic people only.

Daaaaaamn I had a really good day guys. I feel like I needed to adress this because it happens so not often, or even having the thought to having this thought.

Lots of sleep during those past three days. Which was more than needed, required, recommanded after this fast and furious life.

A cousin happen to live with us for the moment which would have happen to annoy me normally, like lack of privacy space, faking laugh and conversation and so on. Well it happens that no, he fits totally like a piece in a pode. So easy going, no judging, real, positive, good energy to be around. Which happen to be the essence of my entire life.

Like the kind of people I want to be surrounded with.

I finally took the time to call me my so deeply enterily loved family. Godamn I was so ashamed, haven’t called them for a while. They didn’t hold grudges which I love. They’re ALL that matters to me at the end of the day.

I love that they are seeing me building my life from step to step and that I’m really good.

Starting to find my balance in life. But those quality time doing nothing will happen more and more because it does make me happy. And giving me a clear mind as well.

Gosh he has abs. Ahaha

Anyway what I wanted to address (btw I love this expression) that YouTube has just been a huge part of my life lately, just by his shortness and entertainment that I found in this kind of content of creativeness obviously much more related to pop culture for me, its what makes me happy and where I found my little escape. And the fact that now that I earn a bit of money, I can adapt what I see to my own lifestyle little by little.

The more I grew up and the more Im adapting to my own sexuality and to see that there’s people like who litterally just say fuck to all of those haters out there who’s litterally does not pay attention because they are just living their best life and authentic self is so inspiring to me. Or even like those kind of diaries contents which represent for me the authenticity of life, a little bit of why I started this diary, Im just in love with this concept of confessional where people address their real feelings unfiltered, not giving any fuck of what people thing just because it’s what they are feeling deep down inside.