cah

[cah]

This Halloween, be the scariest house on the block by reminding your neighbors of the impending collapse of our nation’s political system! When they say "trick or treat," give them a bag of Cards Against Humanity’s Remember to Vote Worms.

These creepy-crawly treats will slither their way into your heart with five empowering flavors:

Due Process Cherry

Rule of Law Lemon-Lime

Separation of Church & Grape

Give Me Liberty or Give Me Blueberry

Our Political System is Backsliding into Authoritarianism Mango

Get Remember to Vote Worms right here.

[cah]

NEW! We added a third show in Illinois:

Dekalb, IL (Lauren Underwood for Congress)

Jack Arends Hall at Northern Illinois University

Monday, October 15, 8:00 PM CST

$10 tickets

Horrible friends in Ohio,

We’re getting on a bus and we’re coming to you. In a desperate attempt to make you laugh and also vote in the midterms, we’re bringing our improv comedy show on the road. Every show will support the local Democratic congressional candidate to help flip the House to blue.

This show sells out Chicago theaters every month and it’s probably the most fun you could possibly have right now. And maybe each show will feature a little surprise for everyone in the audience. Who knows?

We’ll probably never be able to do this again. If you live in these places, this might be your only chance to see our live show outside Chicago.  

We’re working on adding more cities. For now, come see Comedians in Buses Getting Covfefe in:

Oberlin, Ohio (Janet Garrett for Congress)

The ‘Sco

Saturday, October 13th, 8:00 PM EDT

Free to registered voters! Just RSVP here on Facebook.

Canton, Ohio (Ken Harbaugh for Congress)

The Auricle Bar and Venue

Sunday, October 14th, 8:00 PM EDT

$10 tickets

[cah]

Horrible friends in Ohio,

We’re getting on a bus and we’re coming to you. In a desperate attempt to make you laugh and also vote in the midterms, we’re bringing our improv comedy show on the road. Every show will support the local Democratic congressional candidate to help flip the House to blue.

This show sells out Chicago theaters every month and it’s probably the most fun you could possibly have right now. And maybe each show will feature a little surprise for everyone in the audience. Who knows?

We’ll probably never be able to do this again. If you live in these places, this might be your only chance to see our live show outside Chicago.  

We’re working on adding more cities. For now, come see Comedians in Buses Getting Covfefe in:

Oberlin, Ohio (Janet Garrett for Congress)

The ‘Sco

Saturday, October 13th, 8:00 PM EDT

Free to registered voters! Just RSVP here on Facebook.

Canton, Ohio (Ken Harbaugh for Congress)

The Auricle Bar and Venue

Sunday, October 14th, 8:00 PM EDT

$10 tickets

[cah]

Hello, Cards Against Humanity here. Get your hands out of your pants and listen carefully. The midterms are in 40 days and our future rests in the hands of a few dipshits in Iowa and Kansas. Oh my god.

The good news is, you can still help. Refer a registered voter, and you’ll get our brand new expansion pack. 

Visit CardsAgainstHumanityHackstheElection.com and maybe we can save Democracy.

https://www.cardsagainsthumanityhackstheelection.com/

[cah]

Did you know we offer a full-tuition scholarship for women in STEM? Now you do. Applications just opened.

[cah]

so i sent this email/“essay” to cards against humanity and uh

i didn’t expect to get this far

[cah]

Good point.

[cah]

Cards Against Humanity Releases Pride-themed Expansion Pack

CHICAGO, IL -- Cards Against Humanity announced today a new “Pride Pack,” an expansion pack that contains 30 new cards about queer culture.

“As a member of the queer community, it means so much to me when companies decide to put rainbows on products,” Cards Against Humanity writer Eunji Kim said. “Our new Pride Pack can be enjoyed by everyone, even straights.”

The pack is available for $5 on CAHPride.love. All profits on Pride Pack sales earned now through July 31 — and every June annually thereafter — will directly benefit Howard Brown Health, a non-profit working to eliminate the disparities experienced by the LQBTQIA+ community.

[cah]

We’ve got you covered for Father’s Day this year with our brand new expansion, the Dad Pack. 

30 new cards about fatherhood, packaged inside a fake DVD your dad would love. Grab it at CAHDaddy.com, and then close the goddamn door while the A/C is on. What’re you trying to do, cool off the neighborhood?

[cah]

Hot dog compilation of myself plus some child I didn’t know but who was adorable with the tomato.

I considered why Cards against Humanity would be promoting their newest product with free hotdogs and a giant hotdog bun in which to c2pose as if you yourself for a hotdog, then realized unexpected things for no clear reason in places they should not be is exactly on brand for them.

[cah]

Congratulations! America has been saved! Donald Trump is no longer the president, and the Republican Party has retreated to its secret volcano lair. Now it’s time to kick back, crack open a cold one, and enjoy America’s pastime.

For the final day of Cards Against Humanity Saves America, we really “hit it out of the park” by purchasing the naming rights to a minor league baseball stadium in Joliet, Illinois. 

Say hello to the Cards Against Humanity Baseball Place.

[cah]

We’re running public opinion polls for the next year, and we found something you might be interested to know: Most Republicans would rather be dumb and happy than smart and sad. Yeah, that checks out.

More of our findings at ThePulseoftheNation.com

[cah]

For Day Five of Cards Against Humanity Saves America, we’re using your money to fund a public opinion poll called The Pulse of the Nation. For an entire year, we’ll ask the American people about their social and political views, what they think of the President, if peeing in the shower is acceptable, and much more.

The results so far are... pretty incredible. Enjoy. ThePulseoftheNation.com

[cah]

Mounting sociological evidence confirms something we’ve always suspected: homework sucks gorilla balls. It stifles creativity and makes kids hate learning.

For Day Four of Cards Against Humanity Saves America, we sent out cards, thank you notes from children, a policy paper written by the Chicago Children’s Museum, and we’ve partnered with Donor’s Choose to support teachers who are creating alternatives to traditional homework.

Teachers came up with a ton of ideas, like taking field trips to museums, making slime, reading with their families, and playing board games. 

You can support these projects by donating at CardsAgainstHumanityDestroysHomework.com. We’re matching your donations up to $100,000.

[cah]

In order for Cards Against Humanity to truly save America, we realized we would have to tackle the biggest issue in the world: wealth inequality. Today, we took some of your money and redistributed it to people who need it more. We gave 10,000 people a $15 refund and 100 people a check for $1,000.

Read their stories: CardsAgainstHumanityRedistributesYourWealth.com

[cah]

For Day Two of Cards Against Humanity Saves America, we launched The Good News Podcast--a daily reminder that not all news is bad.

Listen and subscribe at GoodNewsPodcast.fm.

[cah]

For Day One of Cards Against Humanity Saves America, we bought a plot of vacant land on the US/Mexico border and retained a law firm specializing in eminent domain to make it as time-consuming and expensive as possible for Trump to build his dumbass wall. 

CardsAgainstHumanityStopsTheWall.com

Photos by Chris Markos