cakemoney

[cakemoney]

Andrew Minyard talks like that because hes supposed to be a noir detective, but life made him a jock who hates learning about other people and no fixed address with which to develop a codependent relationship.

Neil Josten talks like that because he was supposed to be the femme fatale, except he's too asexual to intentionally seduce anyone and too obsessive and paranoid to notice when somebody falls for him anyway.

[cakemoney]

Got some flowers for Karlach 💕

[cakemoney]

After seeing the Howl’s Moving Castle musical I am a changed person and I never want to see fanart of Sophie Hatter as thin and white ever again. 

If you weren’t aware that there was a Howl’s Musical, here ya go. Go throw money at this production company and hope they release an album or a recording because the show was honestly fucking perfect. We were in the front row and all five of us flailed so hard that the cast thanked us specifically “for our enthusiasm and energy” after the show. 

This Sophie, played by Seattle actress Sara Porkalob, is your new god. 

She has micro-expressions down to an absolute art and the best comedic timing I’ve ever personally witnessed. She exists and was the perfect Sophie and now you know. You’re welcome.

Sidenote but the night we saw it Howl was wearing a NEON PINK WIG and SPRAY PAINTED SILVER JEANS for almost the entire show and NO ONE will ever be a better Howl tbh.

And Lettie and Martha were also great! The entire cast was great! Their physicality on stage was unbelievable!! The writing was superb!!! I can never see another musical as long as I live because of how perfect this one was!!!!!

You’re welcome. 

[cakemoney]

"WHAT PLATO SHOULD I READ!!!!!!" (A HANDY GUIDE) (not all are represented)

"I hate myself!" - The sophists

"I wish I had experienced sex at some point in my lifetime! Or perhaps recently!" - The Symposium

Alternatively: "I am experiencing a terrible insatiable pining and am on verge of tears!" - The Symposium

"I love it when someone's a slightly arrogant asshole!" - The Euthyphro

"It really bothers me when people ignore their friends!" - The Crito

"I've always thought about how nice soldiers look in their little outfits but I think they should train naked instead sometimes!" - The Laches

"I want to imagine a place that may or may not suck for everoyne involved!" - The Republic

"I imagine Socrates would have enjoyed oiling up young Athenian men with olive oil granted the chance!" - The Charmides

"I need to understand the concept of hotness so I can do it myself!" - The Phaedrus

"Does Socrates experience love, and if so, what does it look like?" - The Alcibiades I

"How do I know if I even have friends?" - The Lysis

"I'm not a Socrates fan :(" - The Phaedo

Alternatively: "I am a huge Socrates fan and would like to see him surrounded by friends, but I also take pleasure in crying!" - The Phaedo

"Socrates did nothing wrong!" - The Apology

"I love to know about murder mysteries!" - The Hipparchus

"I'm a math major!" - The Theatetus, The Timeus

"I understood AND enjoyed Hegel!" - The Parmenides

"I don't think it's possible for people to get better!" - The Protagoras

"I forget things often!" - The Meno

[cakemoney]

man there's something about the way vergil describes polyphemus when aeneas and his crew rescue achaemenides that's making me just. insanely emotional

[cakemoney]

all this pyrrhus talk got my thinking about that scene in the Aeneid where Andromache meets ascanius

[cakemoney]

crab crab crab hand hand hand frighten

[cakemoney]

Harrowhark but she's Blood of Eden and her name is Spooky Scary Skeletons Send Shivers Down Your Spine. Is this anything.

[cakemoney]

not going to lie i am kind of obsessed with annabeth at 12 years old watching one of those "is megalodon still out there?" bullshit ass documentaries and she wholeheartedly buys into it because she's 12 and still thinks that if it airs on animal planet or the history channel it must be accurate, so she tells percy all about the totally real facts and figures and percy's like "that's bullshit. if we had giant sharks we'd know. that's such bullshit" and there's like..... you know how they canonically email each other when they're not at camp? there's like half the email dedicated to "here's what i did this week" and then 15 paragraphs about their megalodon argument. neither of them do any research about it because annabeth thinks she's done the research by watching the documentary, and percy is a) dyslexic, and as much as he wants to stick it to annabeth he will not be reading anything he does not have to, and b) why would he READ he can just ASK THE FUCKING SHARKS. but he's stuck in NYC so he can't ask any sharks until the summer, and the fact that percy is disagreeing with her means that annabeth is digging her heels into this argument and refusing to budge, so it's a completely inane back and forth argument because both these 12 year olds are just making up their own arguments to try and own the other, and eventually percy defaults to going i am a SON of POSEIDON i think i KNOW A THING OR TWO ABOUT SHARKS i am BASICALLY KIND OF RELATED TO ALL SHARKS EVERYWHERE BECAUSE MY DAD MADE ALL OF THEM TOO SO SUCK IT. and then he hits send on that particular email and has an existential crisis because, if his dad is the ocean, and made all the things in the ocean, and also horses, are they all his siblings? or were the first ones of each species his siblings, and now it's kind of questionable? how many genetic steps away is he from a fucking manta ray? he can't ponder for long because sally reads his email to annabeth over his shoulder and grounds him for telling annabeth to suck it, and makes him write an apology email.

and then they get to camp and naturally the megalodon argument falls to the wayside because of the fact that percy and annabeth's lives are a mcdonald's playplace for gods and titans to do what they want. but i'd like to think during the downtime in sea of monsters, annabeth resurrects the argument and percy's like I'M ASKING THE FUCKING SHARKS and marches to the bay and patiently waits for a shark to answer his I'm The Son Of Poseidon And I Have A Question call, and it does happen to be a traveling great white that answers. percy's like "i've gotta win this argument please tell me megalodon is extinct" and after crossing the language barrier, the shark explains that yes, megalodon is extinct. they don't call their ancestor sharks megalodon, sharks have their own words for their ancestor sharks, and because percy as tiny lord of the ocean is technically partially their god he gets to understand special shark language. but nobody else does, so when percy is explaining this interaction to annabeth and tries to repeat the shark-word for megalodon, he opens his mouth and makes a rumbling-clicking-bad-ear sound, and annabeth calls him a liar and swears he's making up this entire shark interaction and he can't prove anything. percy is so mad. he goes back to the ocean and talks to another shark because he's like I'M RIGHT AND SHE WON'T LISTEN and this shark, a bull shark, helpfully suggests that cannibalism might be the answer, because he's a shark. the conversation kind of devolved into percy nervously asking if all ocean life everywhere is technically related to him, and the bull shark is like no, no, no, that's not how it works, son of poseidon. you're not related to US. you're related to the WATER. and the bull shark sounds so happy that he could help that percy just beams at him and goes "thanks!" even though internally he's more confused than ever, and he has to sit at the bottom of the ocean having an existential crisis

cut to many years and near-death situations later, after percy's gap..... years, in which he just did not care for the prospect of college, and annabeth kicking her own ass during undergrad and now moving on to graduate school (shhh the chases can afford it), percy's wandered into a marine biology track. the megalodon argument has been buried by less fun arguments, like percy arguing that annabeth should help do his laundry because she pretty much only wears his clothes anyway. percy has made College Friends, and he's really excited to introduce his beautiful, wonderful, best friend-girlfriend to his College Friends. annabeth starts the conversation by going "i think megalodon is still out there" and percy's Marine Biology College Friends all turn to stare at percy while percy chokes on his own spit and tries (read: fails) to breathe

[cakemoney]

now feels like a good time to reiterate that Iranians have been martyred by america + israel already, both empires that possess nuclear weapons, and that Iran does not have nuclear weapons. so now is not the time to joke about america getting nuked-- any retaliation on Iran's part is justified and the only way we escape this situation, but Iran is not going to nuke us, because the entire premise that Iran has nukes is how america justified bombing them and also the exact same rhetoric we used against Iraq and how we killed my countrysmen when there was again no evidence of nuclear warfare. New York City is not going to get fucking nuked. go listen to a podcast or something

[cakemoney]

i love this website i just feel at home here you know

[cakemoney]

little gosling // pequeno ganso 🤍

[cakemoney]

via @swatercolor [insta]

[cakemoney]

Another fantasy trope story:

A story where a prominent prophesy very clearly states that this specific important thing Must Be Done by the firstborn of one specific guy. So three young heroes head out to fix this: This Guy's official firstborn heir, his bastard he didn't even know about before getting married, and his unofficially adopted orphan kid who just started living with him at some point, who is the oldest of the three so technically speaking is still the one who was born first. And all three must go because while the meaning of the prophesy itself is very clear, it's an utter mystery to everyone which one of them counts as their father's firstborn.

[cakemoney]

I love that Elizabeth Swann is such a teen girl fantasy like she’s beautiful and rich but sheltered and she’s in love with this nice, good-looking blacksmith that she helped rescue as a child and she almost drowns while she’s being proposed to by a young, handsome but proper and boring royal navy commander but then is RESCUED by a swaggering pirate captain and then gets kidnapped by pirates and the nice good-looking blacksmith comes after her and she has this weird tension with the swaggering pirate captain but she’s also deeply in love with the nice good-looking blacksmith and then there’s the complicated royal navy commander who’s willing to die for her and then she becomes the pirate king at the end of it all like????

[cakemoney]

anyway you should always remember that all those foreigners you see dying on the news are just as real people as you are who have just as much interiority as you do. there is nothing about you that makes you more important and it is by pure chance that you are not in their position. in fact, this holds for all of history. every person, no matter the horror of the fate that befell them, had just as much interiority as you do. i feel like some people haven't fully internalized this.

[cakemoney]

Sinners (2025) dir. Ryan Coogler