cakepz-only

[cakepz-only]

Work as a supervisor for sub-contractors. I know exactly that those sub-cons is a shit hole. Bad wages (often late payment, minimum wages, minimum health insurance, etc), unhealthy workplace behaviour, the director acts as it will, etc.

There are crews who has a good attitude, good skill, but has to endure the situations. And act as a problem sweeper, means that these guys works to solve most of the task given. Imagine this, a sub-contractors handed to do 10 tasks, they have 10 crews. Should it be 1:1 manpower to task right? The fact is 2:5 manpower to task. Those two men act as a key person, where is the rest 8 guys? They just a shitty employee.

And then, puff, you hold a chance for a better job, better workplace, better wages for your sub-contractors crew in other company. Surely i wanted to give those offers to these crews.

The problem is, your workplace is on hold in hiring new guy, if there's a guy who quit his jobs, you'll unable to replace him as soon as possible.

In addition, my bosses emphasize that no crew replacement during this covid situation in employee assembly. That shitty guy then act as they are a most valuable assets and became lazier as they feel that there won't be a hire or fire during this situation.

Options

1. You give that offers to that good men and get your boss pissed, and also difficult time for solving the task since those good men is gone.

2. You hold that offers, and let those good men suffers in your shit hole.

What are you gonna do?

I can't let those good guy keep suffering while i know there's a good chance for them to get better, and yet i can't imagine how my team would solve all the tasks, we need those good guy to solve the tasks, those remaining shitty guy is truly shitty guy.

[cakepz-only]

i was in a lunch in office when all this emak2 showed up talking rubbish about gaining weight in post pregnancy.

then le wild emak2 asked me

'do your wife gain a weight during pregnancy?'

yes she did

she already diet and get shaped?

nope

you don't asked her to?

nope

why?

i just love her no matter what

....deep down....

Dude, till this day, i don't even know why my wife willing to married with me, i mean to married someone like me?????

really, that's a big question.

and i just keep it silence, i mean i don't want to bother her with a ridiculous request that prolly make her questioning her decission back then.

yeah, she said 'i do' to someone like me is surprising, none willing to stay with me just before her, probably she is the only one that say yes to me, and i don't want her to say no.

mar 23 2019

[cakepz-only]

Lika-liku edukasi lingkungan (satwa)

S: Kak ini sepasang ya? (kura-kura dan labi-labi)

K: Bukan, ini mereka ndak saling kawin karena berbeda jenis

S: Kan mereka sama kak masa ga bisa kawin

K: beda kok

S: sama kak, tu tempurungnya sama (ngeyel)

K: ya keduanya punya tempurung, tapi beda jenis, tempurungnya aja beda. (masih sabar)

S: ah sama aja kan yang penting ada tempurungnya.

K:(emosi) kamu mau kawin sama gorila?

S: ih amit-amit

K: lha iya mereka juga sama ga mau

S: ih kalo kita ama gorila kan emang beda.

K: ya makanya, kura-kura sama labi-labi juga beda makanya ga mau saling kawin.

S: ya ga bisa disamain kak, kalo gorilla sama kita jelas beda, orang gorilla penuh rambut gitu kita kan enggak.

K: liat lengan kalian tuh, ada rambut halusnya kan, kita ama gorilla sama2 ada rambut di tubuh tapi tetep aja kita beda. kura2 ama labi2 juga gitu walo sama2 ada tempurungnya ga saling kawin juga karena beda

S: Belum pernah dicobain ngawinin mereka kali

K: (Emosi jiwa) iyeeee mereka pernah kawin tapi karena labi-labi tempurungnya lunak jadi pas kawin si labi- rempurungnya pecah, abis itu mereka ga mau saling kawin lagi (ngasal penuh emosi dan kejudesan)

S: Ooo gitu, jadi yang tempurungnya lunak maunya kawin sama yang lunak juga ya biar ga mati karena pecah tempurungnya. Pantesan mereka ga mau saling kawin. (Manggut-manggut penuh pemahaman dan muka sumringah dengan pencerahan)

K: Pingsan.

apr 29 2019

[cakepz-only]

9319

Being me, i always amazed how someone managed to know each other way outside their neihhborhood

10319

Being me, still unable to conceal unpleasant feeling. frawn when i feels to, smiles when i do smiles.

12319

Being me, it has to be her. None might be able to endure me. And i might won't be able to endure other than her.

13319

being me, i'm not so well for negotiation and other lip service (my own term for people that able to please someone else by flattering etx).

14319

Being me, i know i miss my wife so much, and yet unable to express it. every beautiful girl reminde me to my wife

22319

Being me, a short minded man is urgently needed to get myself self control. My short minded brain easily spit what's on my mind. i told a girl she beautiful, or sweet, or what, just because it slip in my mind. it mean nothing to me. but then i just realized that what i said could break my love's heart. then i just regret that i said that easily. i need to get my shit controlled.

3519

being me, how do people always remember each other kindly, while i can't remember that guy's name i met in meeting 10 minutes ago

5519

being me, how the hell people able to manage a very big circle of friend while i'm strugling to manage a tiny one

4619

being me, i had such a big ego. i often forget that my wife had to do so much things and endure so much patience about my boy and my family. Yet, usually a week after i arrived on my leave i demand so much from her and see many flaws on her and still not move my ass to help her. my ego is a bi**h

jun 4 2019

[cakepz-only]

Assumptions kills

You always see things you wanted to see, actual world isn't always as you wants to see.

There's a big big big chances that it's just your imagination.

Then you got drift away with your imaginations, suddenly got mad when you realize it just your imaginations and it's not as you want to see.

jun 28 2019

[cakepz-only]

Expectation leads to disapointment

The world's owe you nothing

You are no different than anyone else except your attitude

sep 1 2019

[cakepz-only]

Itis understandable that you have trust issue towards me.

it is not your fault, it's mine.

You've experienced an event that ruined your trust to me.

As you said to me, you believe to what you see more than what you heard.

At this point i understand that whatever the truth beneath the deepest heart means nothing than my act or my habbit.

At the end, it is your decission.

oct 8 2019

[cakepz-only]

"What do you think i am? i am still a woman you know?!!!"

she said that several times, but i have no clue what is that mean at that time

#random_throwback

jan 5 2020

[cakepz-only]

i started to understand why there are so high suicide rate on depression.

this overthinking is overwhelming, i got nausea and my head started to feel like it's going to explode.

how to get ease on this headache? any guess?

jan 28 2020

[cakepz-only]

June 7 2020

'Sebenarnya teman ayah udah banyak yang minta istrimu buat anak mereka, termasuk ustadz X, Ustad Y sambil nunggu anak mereka selesai pendidikan. Eh malah datang kamu duluan, ya mau gimana lagi, haha'

'salah sendiri ga buruan, ya keduluan yang lain lah,hahaha'

it was fun,... it was fun.

it was fun when he said that, and i react it accordingly as a joke. Though, i knew it mean something, but i didn't give a shit about it.

Later, case after case, and resistances, those chat echoing again in my head.

And maybe yes, i wasnot the first option, maybe not even an option, just because they had no syar'i excuse to reject.

Rejection, acceptance,... really??? what i was thinking about... Let's go back, and don't give a shit about it.

Now, what?

[cakepz-only]

I woke up

And my head hurts

The memory of many years ago flashing again in my head

She sat against me, with her large creamy-colored veil.

We talked about many things, as if we're grown together, as if we've known to each other for a very long time, even we just met for a weeks.

I have a request, she said

Yeah? What is it?

Promise me you'll fulfill it

Depends on the request

Sleep with me

I dozed, dead freeze.

What? Did i missheard or something?

No, she said

Sleep? Casual sleep? Or what? I said slowly seeking for an affirmation

You know what i mean, she said

No i don't

I know you know what i mean

Dadaku menderu, aku tidak melihat keraguan atau kilasan canda di matanya.

Is this some kind an out of season april fool or something?

No, im serious

Aku melihat kesungguhan di matanya

Tapi pikiranku kacau, denial denial and denial flashing in myhead.

Is this a prank? Is this a joke?

Aku cuma tertawa dan mengalihkan pembicaraan

We talked until late, then i ride her home.

Come inside, she said

Nah, your dad gonna kill me for i came this late.

Are you got amnesia or something? I lived myself, my fams is out of town just me alone here for years.

Somehow, i came inside.

We talked in sofa

Suddenly she leaned on me

My blood went cold, i knew she can see it in my eyes

I looked into her eyes

Would you fulfil my request?

Im dead silent

My mind spinning and spinning

She get up,

Undress herself one by one, her veil, her dress, her skirt, her inner layer.

She standing there only with her pink bra and underwear

Exposing her ivory like skin.

Aku terperangah, masih membeku dalam diam

Walau aku rasakan aliran darah menderu di dalam tubuhku.

Aku takkan berdusta, birahi mencengkeram diriku.

Mataku nanar melotot menelusuri lekuk tubuhnya.

Semua terlihat sempurna.

Dia berjalan pelan, merunduk dan memelukku erat.

Aku rasakan degup jantungku seakan hendak meledak.

Aku rasakan kepalaku serasa terputar.

Aku diam memeluknya, aku rasakan halus kulit punggungnya, aku rasakan hangat tubuhnya

Aku tak bisa melakukan ini

Kataku perlahan setelah beberapa saat

Dia menarik tubuhnya, menatapku sendu

Kenapa? Tanyanya

Aku tidak cantik ya?

Bukan itu, tentu saja kamu cantik, sangat cantik bahkan

Terus? Apakah aku tidak menarik untukmu? Cecarnya.

Tidak, sangat sempurna malah. Kamu pasti tahu sekarang nafsuku sudah diatas ubun-ubun.

Tapi tetap saja aku tak bisa melakukannya.

Dia terdiam

Jangan berpikir macam-macam, ini seharusnya jadi yang pertama untukku. Aku berharap kamu yang mengambilnya dariku.

Aku belai wajahnya

Aku masih tidak percaya dengan apa yang ada di hadapanku

Wanita yang kutahu taat beragama sedang hampir telanjang di pelukku. Dan itu pertama kalinya aku melihat tubuh wanita.

Mungkin lain ceritanya bila bukan kamu, kataku pelan. aku cuma tak bisa melakukan ini kepadamu. Rasanya terlalu jahat bila aku lakukan padamu.

Aku selalu insecure dengan diriku sendiri, apa yang kamu lihat dari aku? Kamu cantik, aku mau dibilang lumayan pun jauh.

Kubelai rambutnya, dia kembali memelukku.

I knew you can't do this. I always knew. But still, somehow i want to do this with you. She said.

Kuambil jaketku di lengan sofa, kututupi tubuh mulusnya dengan jaket.

We talked, many things, dan ia tetap dalam pelukku.

Aku pulang saat subuh, i didn't sleep at all while she slept in my arms after long night.

I left my jacket there, she peeked me from window, smiles and nod.

I nodded back, and left.

I can't sleep in the following two weeks, got severe migraine attack almost everyday. Not a single day i can concentrate in class nor in a lab. Feels like a zombie.

At that time, i trapped in a regret paradox.

I regret i didn't take a chance, but also i feel like i did the right thing to missed the chance.

Then, in a certain time, i deleted everything about her. Her contact, mail, phone, name, everything.

I get up from my bed, my head still hurts.

Sometimes, this memory came as a dream,

sometimes i woke up as it is a nice dreams,

sometimes i woke up as it is a nightmare.

And today.....?