callahan951

[callahan951]

[callahan951]

Trapped between two worlds.

So, let's begin by saying my relationship is my first adult one (at age 30). When Kelley and I met, I had just changed my name, come out to my family as genderqueer, and began saving for Top surgery. Now here we are four years later. Over the last 4 years I've gone back to college, co-parented two children through some of the biggest Milestones of their lives, and gotten sober. Somewhere along the way I decided it would be best if I waited for Top surgery because the girls (Riley, now age 8, and Hadley, now age 6) were so young. They've met several queer people and are incredibly open minded. I suppose being raised by a mother, a father, and two step mothers would open a child's mind a bit. Their father is still in their lives and actively participates in their extracurricular activities. I've been happy with that fact, as my father wasn't very active in mine. Kelley (my fiance) and I, have NEVER spoken a foul word about their father, for their sake. See, as much as I dislike him, I still do not want to give then the complex my parents gave me.

Anyways, back to topic. Kelley has always been so beautifully open to my needs and desire to transition. She's loving and supportive in every single way. However, I cannot see a possibility for me to have top surgery or begin testosterone with the life I have now. It feels like I'm stuck; torn between a beautiful life and the freedom of living authentically. I don't know what to do and it's becoming harder as the calendar pages fall. I was binding when Kelley and I met, but haven't much in the last 2 years because it is painful to do every day. I just wanted to know what some of you did in similar situations. I'm new to Tumblr and new to this subject.

[callahan951]

Kelley

one of my favorite affectionate gestures is when they’re at the store and text you “do you want anything?”

[callahan951]

#truth

Chunk.ie: Women can dress in men’s clothes and no one bats an eye, but a man in women’s clothing is still a taboo for a lot of people, why is that? Ivan Fahy: This is the perfect question for me. It’s because of gender. Gender conformity and the gender binary. A man must not transgress the gender binary. His gender expression, appearance and identity must all fit perfectly with his penis, basically. He must always be normatively and conformitively male. The intro to Madonna’s song ”What It Feels Like For A Girl” answers this question perfectly; ”Girls can wear jeans and cut their hair short, wear shirts and boots, because it’s okay to be a boy, but for a boy to look like a girl is degrading because you think that being a girl is degrading.” A man, being born male, has won the gender lotto. He is male, he has superiority and privilege. Why then should he bring difficulties upon himself and reject his privilege by acting/ dressing as female? It’s okay for women to dress like men because men are the standard, the successful gender to be modeled and strived for, apparently. What we forget is that gender is the most liberating and suffocating construct in the world. It can be used as a tool of oppression and shame or as a tool to enable creativity and individuality. All humans possess masculinity and femininity, but depending on your genitalia, you must suppress one and exaggerate the other. I refuse to. I accept and express the masculinity and femininity within myself. I will not glamourise one and shame the other. Both are natural. I am them, they are me. This acceptance is radical. It is revolutionary. It scares people, like a man in a dress would. Gender shouldn’t scare people, for it doesn’t even exist. If a man is in a dress, it is not an item of women’s clothing, it is simply an item of clothing he is wearing, it is his item of clothing. He bought the dress, the dress is his. Though certain items of clothing may be associated with a certain gender, it does not mean that that item of clothing belongs exclusively to that gender. Let’s remove labels from clothes and people. Clothes are clothes. People are people. Free gender! Read the full interview here: http://chunk.ie/article/19846/alt-model/androgyny-as-art/

Model: Ivan Fahy

http://facebook.com/IvanFahyOfficial

[callahan951]

Omg

Simply amazing <3