callsigndreadfrost

[callsigndreadfrost]

Franz Kafka, quoted in "Kafka in Love," by Jacqueline Raoul-Duval, published in 2011

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...This is my least favorite life The one where I am out of my mind The one where you are just out of reach... X

I had a pretty bad day like two weeks ago and sort of broke a 15+ year streak. Started this then to distract myself and felt like finishing it anyway.

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sometimes writing feels like dragging your brain across gravel. but at least the gravel is sparkly. and covered in metaphors.

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i love sluts i love perverts i love dykes i love faggots i love aromantics i love freaks i love librarians i love ibuprofen

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Sometimes you have to function in society while your head is full of The Characters.

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Usually he doesn't like bothering other people with anything he might have going on. He'd rather solve shit on his own than bother someone else.

However, since he's had these bouts of feelings of loneliness since he was a little kid he never really learned to deal with them in a healthy way and the tend to make him feel pretty bad, almost borderline broken and it's a feeling he doesn't like at all. When he's feeling lonely he quickly runs to certain people.

Loke. Having known him the longest and honestly better than anyone else on the planet he simply goes up to him, grabs onto him without needing to say a single word and Loke knows immediately. He's pretty soothing and gentle with him without the need to say much safe for a few phrases and reassuring the absolute heck out of him.

Angelus. These two have a few things in common so they can connect on a different level, not to mention that ever since they met they've been kind of healing each other in a way. Angelus is very caring, he shows affection through really personal means like touch, intimacy and lots of reassuring. When Jelani's feeling that way Angelus makes him his one and only priority and he won't falter until he feels better.

Trevor. He's the one that makes it his goal to distract while also lending an ear or giving advice if that's what he asked for and/or wants. He may be a little stern but he'll never tell him things he doesn't already knows. Trevor can also be very sweet and very loving making Jelani feel so much better in no time at all.

*Uthorim. He's like Trevor in the sense that he won't beat around the bush. He'll ask him directly why he feels that way and thinks it's true. He's going to very softly tell him things he needs to hear in order to realize that the voices and thoughts in his head are wrong. He can be so soft and intimate while at the same time being the voice of reason. These two have shared some very soft moments and it's something Jelani appreciates more than Uthorim will ever know.

*while I know this character I also always try not to overstep so if any of it is incorrect then by all means correct me.

It's not really so much as who he'd go to first. It's more like who's available to, as he puts it, "put up with his bullshit brain nonsense and let him cuddle for a bit till the sad goes away".

does your oc reach out to people when they feel lonely? if yes, who do they reach out to first?

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my OCs are sooo cool you guys don't know what you're missing. if you could see the show i'm watching in my head rn you'd go so crazy i'm telling u

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You should really let me admire you the way you deserve to be.

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As much as he hates to admit it and feels unbelievably guilty about yes, he has thought about it.

Like I've said before Jelani and Loke clashed a lot when Jelani was a teenager. He felt that Loke was overbearing, overwhelming, and he felt like he had no privacy and like he wasn't allowed to live his own life. Loke was constantly monitoring his every move, always needed to know where he was, with who and what they were going to be doing. Granted that's what responsible parents do but Loke was an exaggeration of it.

It got to the point where training and drills would go for hours on end, sometimes all day long. Like no matter how perfect Jelani's shots were, how fast he could disassemble and put back together a firearm, how perfectly he could clean a firearm, how perfectly he could infiltrate an area without setting off traps, how well he could take down targets and enemies while unarmed—none of that seemed to matter.

((Not true. At fucking all. Loke was always beyond impressed and sometimes even a little scared of how good Jelani was when it came to training and drills. It's just that he wanted him to keep practicing to perfect his craft so that in case Loke would die Jelani would be able to survive.))

Jelani was tired of not being able to be a child. He felt he was more of an attack dog than a teenager being trained for a war.

He often thought about running away but honestly speaking he never would actually go through with it. He was self-aware enough to know that realistically speaking a kid on his own out in the Wasteland was a stupid fucking idea. He's very aware of the fact that he needs Loke as much as Loke needs him, no matter how much training Jelani had he was still a kid. Kids don't survive on their own.

Also despite his frustrations with his brother he very much loves him and wouldn't wanna be away from him. He was just frustrated.

has your oc ever thought about running away?

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Uthorim and the boys: In bed. Either cuddling or softer than usual sex. Whispery chats about anything and everything. Watching a movie on the tablet or listening to music while "asleep" next to each other. Resting on one another and listening/feeling each other breathe and taking in each other's warmth.

what would your oc's ideal lazy morning be like?

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being smart has never stopped me from being a complete fucking idiot

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Okay, so like yeah, the TD2 AU isn't exactly concrete save for one or two things like Angelus being part of White Tusk and a higher up at that. Loke and Jelani secretly being hunters. Trevor, Radek and a whole bunch being rougue agents.

As usual yeah, Jelani, Trevor, Angelus are together but I'm also including Radek into the mix.

I said this in the tags of one of THOSE 👀 posts that Trevor and Angelus are competing to see which one can get Jelani pregnant first but I'm tossing Radek into that competition too so now we've got this whole former Seals (Trevor) vs former Spetsnaz (Angelus) and former SAS (Radek) vs former Forsvarets Spesialkommando (Jelani).

Meanwhile Loke's like: "You're seriously gonna let your boyfriends treat you like a piece of meat?"

And Jelani's like, "Ja. Very much so."

If it actually happens I'm still unsure. Hell, I've been playing with whether I'll want that in the Fallout AU or not. Not Angelus though, he had his uterus completely removed so he can't get pregnant there. However, Jelani can so I'm playing with the idea to see if I like it enough to make it happen.

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OCs are so fun and I think its awesome that even people who don't plan to publish a story or draw that well will have them. Its just good for you to have toys in your brain to play with.

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Loke: Hammer to the right side of his face.

Jelani: Falling several stories from inside an abandoned building and breaking several bones. The entire fight with Iain.

Angelus: All the abuse he endured from ages 3 to 13.

Which OC has survived extreme physical trauma?

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Jelani: Pretty balanced and healthy actually. He makes sure to balance and switch things around often. Big fan of veggies, he'll try to squeeze in carrots whenever he can. He'll indulge in "non-healthy" foods every so often and drink soda though for the most part he heavily prefers water.

The only things you won't see if he's the one making the meal is anything pork (he absolutely hates the taste and smell of pork overall), onions (finds it extremely disgusting, if a recipe calls for it he'll use it if it's not too blended in and then toss it), and lobster (texture's bad and so is the taste).

Angelus: And then we got the opposite who has to be bribed into eating vegetables, almost exclusive carnivore (no, lol it's not a werewolf thing, it's a him thing), drinks far too many energy drinks and eats too much candy. If he could he'd fry everything.

What are your OC's dietary habits like? Healthy? Junk food? Vegetarian? Vegan? Carnivore?

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Hopefully I got the translation right.

J: Don't let go (Ikke slipp taket)

L: Never (Aldri)

...This is my least favorite life The one where I am out of my mind The one where you are just out of reach... X

I had a pretty bad day like two weeks ago and sort of broke a 15+ year streak. Started this then to distract myself and felt like finishing it anyway.