canceramorem - Tumblr blog

[canceramorem]

It was 4pm or so, and I heard Gary and Axis coming up the very steep hill to the top, where we had our tents and stuff . It was like a hilltop little Paradise. Except it was on private property and the plunderers were everywhere.

So when I saw her, I was instantly enamored. Fucking crazy shit, just at that moment in time, my world would changed , Probably forever. Gary had brought back the Annoying Axis girl , but also the blond woman that I saw around town., I ain't gonna lie, I thought she was hot. As I zipped down the tent and saw the chick that had piqued my interest for the past month, I had wanted to like , try and talk to her, but she was always with some dude , and she had a fanclub like most of the decent looking chicks that do drugs have (fanclub means there's always one lame ass dude or a few dudes trailing behind a decent looking homeless woman) .Some of these dudes are so cock-blocking jealous, (Gary is one of them). Gary was trying to throw the scraps to the dog , meaning he was gonna get this blond chick I had been interested in for a month, and me - the dog- was gonna get Gary's annoying not hot , Axis annoy girl that he'd been trying get . Even to this day, Gary thinks he brought her up there for him. I'm sure there's some resentment on his part. I mean, for all I know, he could've paid her already for a"trade", and if he did prepay for any sexual favor, well , she was like free to choose. Before I even knew her name, she was picking up one of the magical marshmallows I had dropped earlier, she picked it up , and almost ceremoniously, eats the single heart shaped purple marshmallow. Looking me right in the eyes as she does. That was some real- life , cool stuff. Because as she will attest, that day changed both of our lives. We spent the rest of the afternoon getting super duper high.

It just so happens that this chick's name was Marie. Ooh, I liked that. I wanted me a nice blonde and Marie was the one that would hopefully be the one. About four months prior to this, I was living on North Beach CORPUS CHRISTI, I had been fucking with latinas. I mean , fucking hot ass Mexicans in Texas. Now I wanted me a snow- bunny. Remember, I had just got back to Asheville?

I was in a transfixed-weird feeling -like state of mind-, all I can really remember was that I said " that's that chick Gary" . I had even talked about her to Gary , for real, I did. He thinks that he can buy a person, he really does. You can't just claim a person and bring them to your camp and feed them drugs and do sex or whatever, (that's like holding someone hostage and shit). We did have some killer shit, definitely the best for getting high and fucking or even any kind of sensual touching and stuff . Since I started helping Gary, the dope had an effect like some good extasy , yes sir, it was fucking killer shit, had legs for days if you shot it, especially females, they would instantly cum in there panties - no kidding, they really would, and Gerald would give them a shot to get them so spun, they'd be acting like him. Dropping shit , mainly , there clothing.I had never shot any drugs in my life . (That doesn't happen till later on down the relationship - keep reading this story, because that's the most O.G. shit to do) , when it happens on December, 28. My birthday .

So, I only would snort the shit, had for a couple of years at this point. I grew up in the crack-cocaine era, when crack was king, and I've seen people sell their souls to the devil for crack. Believe it or not, I had smoked it over the course of 20 + years. , I've smoked , cooked, sold, and had a long time affair with crack cocaine. I never was arrested for crack or had any problems , just that I liked to smoke it. Anyhow, I quit that crack shit when I was introduced to the methamphetamine family of drugs. And it would prove to be actually good for me .

So Gary's shit did burn, it burned like hell when I snorted it. and gave our new lady friend, line after line of the shit and when it got dark she was so spun, I was , G was and Axis was laying in the tent, just as but hurt as could be. Marie had taken the spotlight and old girl Axis didn't want to fuck , and it looked like Marie was T.T.G. (trained to go) she was petite, soft voice, and seemed to be intelligent, oh and she was pretty hot. That's one thing about Jey Pizzle - he doesn't fuck with any ugly bitches. I'll be nice to them, but I am actually very selective when it come to having sex with a woman , This Marie chick was blond, hot, and she liked to shoot up. Yup, we got us one here Gerald. Both him and I were taking such good care of her, she was actually dropping dope. That's when I got a little upset and actually had to lay some ground rules.( One thing I have learned in my 48 years is that a woman like Marie will tear your average man like me to pieces. They have the power of persuasion, a pussy , and a cold ass heart. I did try to set boundaries, and made the rule mandatory if I give you shit, you are doing it right now- there will be no , -taking shit with you"- you either do it, or you don't get none- that would stop any bullshit of her dropping what I had worked hard for. . I was very gentleman like that first night. When it got dark, and there was a minor battery explosion, because Gary had a fire to keep us somewhat wam. Well there was old regular Duracell batteries, NOT THE LITHIUM ONES .so the fire caused one of the old batteries to explode it would have seriously hurt someone if it had hit them . Because it looked like a 12 gauge shotgun blast to the blue tent that Gary and Axis shared, after all the battery explosion and Gary realizing that his little Boo Axis was in the tent , he gave up on Marie. So , it was just me and her, and I was so wanting to fuck this chick . Like it was fucking one of the best nights of my life. I asked her, "can I sleep close to you? I was so geeked up, that I actually was acting like a nerd, instead of the drug - dealing , trickin -off, gangster that I probably was. Asking every step of the way, it went exactly like this. You can ask Marie Camp yourself , anyone that doesn't believe me.

me: can I sleep close to you?

Marie: yes

Me:can I kiss you?

Marie:yes

After kissing and feeling her nice tits . I tried to get a little finger action, She said no. So when she said this, I said ok. , Then I'm just gonna sleep over here then, as I started to move away from her. She fucking grabs me and physically prevented me from getting away from her. It worked, Her pants came down and I immediately went to suck that pussy. Now remember, I had met this chick how many hours prior to this point in time when I'm going down?(I knew her about 7 hours and I was giving her head, WTF). She liked that, and I did too. I don't think she was expecting that, but anyhow, she did like me doing it. I then asked her if I could have her. This is where it gets kinda tricky, because she strategically, had her pants so I couldn't get full penetration. Any how, so I was so horny at this point, as I was attempting to put my dick in her I fucking skeeted a massive load of cum all over her belly. It was like that scene from the movie , American Pie, where the guy cums before he even gets to put it in. So, she was like watchiNG too , seeing what I was working with before she has unprotected, savage , just met me/fuck me , crazy , sex. And I just blew a massive fucking load, we both laugh, and then the rest of the night we fucked nonstop, and believe it or not, I came like five times.

Maria as my witness, I have, well , I HAD, the ability to get high, and have sex for long periods of time, and have many orgasms, my record is like 8 in a row.

The next morning we were a tangled up , cuddled- up mess. You would have thought we had been together for years , the way we were kissing and such. Gary and Axis were arguing about something and they both were a little pissed at the fact that me and this Blond had just hit the sex jackpot. Her and I were so fucking high. We laughed, and we were under a flimsy plastic bag like tarp and under a hammock , on the ground laying, looking at her face, that's when i noticed her amazing green eyes . Blonde or more like dirty blonde, cause she was a dirty girl in every sense of the word. She must have seen the perma-grin I had on my face. I was cheesing so hard, I was in love , I even told her that. I said to her, " I love you" . it would be two days later ,and she would say the same , that she loved me. And even ,when she did, well , she told someone to tell me, on the second day night, the baby raccoons would come , we fed them, and just got so high and talked, she was very funny in her own way. So, what did she want? I was under her love spell, but I still had some sense about Me. And it became apparent that this woman had been through some bullshit.She told me about her past, her kids and asked me if I was related to eric redhawk- her ex boyfriend that had killed him self. No , I wasn't related to him him.and wow, why did the dude kill himself?

[canceramorem]

So you could imagine the excitement I felt.

getting all the way to her in her Northern New York. ,I know all to well. It was the face that she gets when she's having an episode. She also gets that face when she's done something wrong. One Time , actually the only time, we went into the Goodwill on Tunnel Rd. We had been together for maybe a couple of weeks, and I wanted to get her an outfit , I had a hundred dollar bill, I remember, because I had to break it . So what better place than Lowes. The cashier said we had to buy something, so I remember buying a hot pink 7$ flashlight for Marie, and a neon, green 7$ flashlight for me. There goes 14 $ out of the $100. We were homeless, and after getting her and I each a pack of Camel crush cigarettes from Walgreens we were down another fourteen bucks. "Lets go get you an outfit or two, is what I told her, and that's the first time I had ever seen her mental condition. Its hard to explain it but I can see in her eyes when she has these episodes . Another weird thing about her when she has these episodes is I can feel her , the sense of a different her, one that's not loving or caring. One that has the potential to kill someone, yes , it's almost like I felt as if she were a stone cold man killer. She is not morally or emotionally the same during these little , shift-into- another person times. Thankfully , they didn't happen that often. Her decision making process is not what it should be and she takes on the innocence of a child, and the ruthlessness of Jeffrey Dahmer. iA child (little girl) that kills men, a child that knows she shouldn't talk strangers but still does, like she wants to be kidnapped, so can kill her captors. For example,(the loving/caring/tender) Marie had told me she was raped in the past, describing in great detail how it was in a dark gloomy place by some water. ubrand she puts herself in great dangerdang

[canceramorem]

[canceramorem]

[canceramorem]

[canceramorem]

#canceramorem

[canceramorem]

#cancertreatment

#purplepanties

[canceramorem]

CANCER AMOREM ( Latin for cancer love ) is the act of falling in love with someone who also has cancer. Although very rare, it does happen. Being heartbroken and having stage four cancer has been without a doubt the worst experience of the 49 years of my life. The feeling of abandonment and feelings of being unwanted, unloved, and to top it all off, a feeling of impending doom ( from being told that you have cancer- after I haven't even been to the hospital twice in my life because I have been healthy), can really do some damage to a person emotionally. How people that say they love someone, and then when the person they say they love gets a cancer diagnosis , you would think that they would stay by their side. That's what I would do anyways, and I'm pretty sure Emily would. Instead, in the case of Jason Plaster, not only was he abandoned, but his cancer diagnosis was actually used as entertainment for his so called love and her pimpboyfriend.

And in Emily's case, her abusive boyfriend, aptly nicknamed "Angry Doug" , chose to remain mean and even chose fentanyl instead of being a nurturing , caring boyfriend to a woman that loved him and cared for him while they both were on the streets and homeless.

You see, Jason and Emily were living in parallel universes, although they were complete strangers, they were actually going through almost the identical situations and scenarios. And the heartbreak that Jason had , must have been similar, if not the same as the heartbreak Emily had. It was as though God was putting them both through so much bullshit , pain, and loss , that he was preparing them for the greatest relationship, love , and healing , that their story would be one of legend.

I know it sounds crazy, and I know that true love really does exist, as does love at first sight. But the moment that she spoke that one word, that word which actually I never spoke, ( out of shame, out of fear, out of hate , I don't know, but I just didn't speak the dreaded cancer word) . But when it came from Emily's sweet lips, and sensual, sweet , calming voice, it instantly made me fall in love with her. And not just a School boy crush type of love , or not like any other love I have experienced in my life ( this would actually make the third or fourth time I actually experienced love. ) Seeing into the future when Emily said the dreaded cancer word was definitely a first for me. I actually saw what appeared to be the most perfect , happy, loving, caring , - did i mention perfect?- Relationship that I could ever possibly have known existed.

It was almost as though God was showing me what i could have. Glimpses- one I coukd remember was of her and I being happy and laughing, another was us living many years , (a much better vision than what I was having only a half hour prior) . Let's not forget, only minutes before Emily had said the word 'cancer' , I was hellbent on taking my own life. I was at the worst possible place I could be in the whole of my life. I can't even begon to explain justvhow dark of a place I was in. I never want to go there ever again. Emily truly did save me, she saved me from myself, she gave me hope, she gave me a reason not to kill myself. Most importantly, she gave me love. And not just any love, she gave me a reason to love. And for this, I am forever indebted to her. I can never hurt her, and I won't, I can only love her. You see, people with cancer do everything they can to beat it. In my case, I will never truly beat it. But to be able to live with it, and to be able to feel love and of being loved- that is very hard to explain. And this is why, I could never EVER , Hurt this woman named Emily. Oh wait, this story gets even better. I would find out that she also shared the love of dogs with me - she actually had adopted a puppy, and not just any dog, one that has the same markings and demeanor even the same type of face that I had wanted myself in a dog, which I had entertained getting, Emily just did . The more I peeled away the layers of similarities, and of small coincidences, the more I realized, that she really is the one.

Now comes the fun part- convincing her that what I felt and the visions I saw were true. And not to mention, she would think I'm some crazy man that must be on drugs( which I was) - remember, I have cancer whoch has metastasized to my bones, which meant I would be on pain meds, and not to mention the fog of 'cancer brain' as I call it( it's like being old overnight, forgetting things and not remembering things, and just plain old loss of memory. But that's ok, as long as you have someone to make new memories with.

[canceramorem]

Cancer Love- the beginning of something amazing

as they smoked the cannabis cigarette, Emily said the word 'cancer' , it was at that very moment in time, Jason's life flashed before his eyes. He saw happiness, love , and many years of a life he never imagined he would have., all with Emily. All thoughts of anger , hate and suicide disappeared from his mind and immediately were replaced with so many good thoughts, that it was like Emily magically erased all the hurt , and anger that had been eating Jason up worse than the metastasized cancer which he had found out he had only months before. Jason was so awestruck , and had never before experienced such a feeling, that he physically could not move, not even speak hardly. He was stuck sitting there speechless, as Emily and her friend said goodbye and got in her vehicle and drove off. It wasn't until she had left , that he was able to even speak. He realized that he must find out her name and get in touch with her. It took him all of an hour and he found out her name, and that she indeed has cancer and had a boyfriend that was always angered, and mean to her. Jason has to have her in his life. She is the key, she is the angel that God had sent to save not only him, but Emily as well. The next step would be to convince Emily that she was the one, that she held the key to not only both of their happiness' , but to their ability to live . Cancer love is not something that normal, (people that don't have cancer) , will ever understand. Receiving a cancer diagnosis is the hardest thing a person can get. And this is where the greatest love story of all time begins. Now it would be up to Emily, would she think Jason is crazy? Or would she become part of the magic known as "Cancer Love"?

[canceramorem]

He sat on the stairs to the Haywood Congregation a brokenhearted, deeply hurt, and sorrowed man. He was contemplating going down to the French Broad river and slicing his carotid artery and just bleeding out. His life had become nothing more than going to doctors, sending text messages and going to counseling sessions with three or four different therapists. The woman he had fallen so deeply in love with was nothing more than a garden variety dope whore. She had used him and her and her pimp boyfriend Smootie laughed at the fact that she had played Jason so hard, Jason was ruined..... Or was he.....

That one fateful day, a new angel was sent to cross Jason's path. You see, Asheville north Carolina is known for its homeless population. And I guess it would be in the year 2020, when Jason was getting his government issued phone, that he first had met Emily. She had with her some sort of art and craft type wreath She had been crafting with tree branches. They briefly spoke, and at the time, he was so in love with Marie ,that his loyalty would actually prevent him from meeting his true love. Which oddly is Emily. Yes, so let's get on with this story of love. After meeting Emily that first time , it would be nearly three years later when their paths would cross again. Three years , that Jason worked diligently at the Econo Lodge Biltmore. And Emily would be in an abusive relationship with a fentanyl addict. During those three years, the cancer must have been secretly coursing through his veins, metastasizing from its original tumor. At the same time , Emily must have had cancer simultaneously running through her veins, because what happens next , is pure magic. And not the same kind of trickery that left Jason heartbroken on the church steps...

As he sat there contemplating his own death, the angel came up on him asking him for a rolling paper. He obliged and even rolled up the beautiful purple flower known as cannabis. They smoked and somewhere in the conversation, Emily said the word "Cancer". It was then that Jason became enamored like no other time in his life.....

[canceramorem]

[canceramorem]

[canceramorem]

Karma is a lovely thing, it really is...

[canceramorem]

[canceramorem]

[canceramorem]

"I hope you find the kind of love that makes you a softer person. The kind of love that makes you want to be a better man or woman, the kind of love that believes in you and supports you, that stands by your side. I hope you find someone who quickly becomes your favourite thing someone who makes the fall less fearful, someone you can't help but choose every single day. Hope you find someone who shows you just how deeply you can feel, just how deeply you can love. I hope you find something real, because nothing is more beautiful than loving someone who loves you back. Nothing is more beautiful than loving someone who builds you a home in their heart."

[canceramorem]

Today is gonna be better