cancerwho-blog - Tumblr blog

[cancerwho-blog]

It's been almost 3 months since my last chemotherapy treatment. I feels like yesterday when they stuck that last needle in my hand to inject me with that "poison". Today I stand here with a smile on my face and hair! Thank you God for your strength.

[cancerwho-blog]

Sometimes life doesn't turn out the way you plan and that's because it's not what we want but what God plans for our life. There are days when you never think you'll get through it. You just have to do one thing and that's trust Him. Never did I think in my whole entire life that I would be bald, I don't even think I was bald when I was born! Once I lost my hair it was the end of the world for me, but look at me now, 6 months later with a full head of hair and growing! Whatever your going through in life keep your head up because it will get better. : ) #survivor #breastcancer

[cancerwho-blog]

This girl right here raised $48,000 and she's only a junior in hs! Making Strides : )

[cancerwho-blog]

Fighting cancer and autism one day at a time. #breastcancerawarenessmonth #autismspeaks #pink #blue #mysonismylife

[cancerwho-blog]

Hubby's fav college supporting #breastcancerawarenessmonth #oregon #ducks #pink #pinkoctober (Taken with Instagram)

[cancerwho-blog]

This is for my older family and friends, 40 years and older. For the month of October, The Cancer Center at Barnabas Health's Ambultory Care Center will be giving away these beautiul Pink,White,and Diamo pearl necklacea for FREE with every mammogram. Early Detection can saves lives ladies. And if you are under 40, self examin yourself at least once a month. : ) #breastcancerawareness #pinkoctober #Pinktober (Taken with Instagram)

[cancerwho-blog]

The amount of exhaustion I go through is insane but 3 more to go! Just siiting back in my recliner chair with my feet up, enjoying this peace and quiet : ) #survivor #breastcancer (Taken with Instagram)

[cancerwho-blog]

Four more...

Four more. Four more. All I can say it four more treatments of Taxol and I'm done with chemo! I don't know how I really feel about that. I know I should be excited and I am but at the same time I'm afraid. Afraid of the constant worrying of recurrence. My oncologist told me that these feeling will be normal for at least 5 years because of remission but after that it should subside and I will have some type of peace of mind. I have faith in my God that this will never return but I am only human and it will stick with me for a while. Four more. Just four more.

[cancerwho-blog]

Number 8 of 12. The final countdown starts today, 4 more to go! #survivor #breastcancer (Taken with Instagram)

[cancerwho-blog]

Gee Brain, what are we going to do tonight? Same thing we do every night Pinky, TRY AND TAKE OVER THE WORLD! LOL! Have to laugh at myself sometimes. 

[cancerwho-blog]

I come home and this was waiting for me at the door <3 I love it! #nfl #crucialcatch #nyjets #breastcancerawareness #october #pink #hoodie #nike (Taken with Instagram)

[cancerwho-blog]

Being a female on chemotherapy.

Before having cancer whenever I saw people on chemotherapy my only thoughts were, "Wow, that must suck." It never went through my head the pain, depression, and sickness they had to go through. Chemo isn't easy for anyone but I think it's harder on women. The days we live in now us women are more independent. We run around a lot. Between taking care of our children and husbands, yes some of us have to take care of our husbands, cleaning up around the house, cooking, and because of the economy we live in, work full time to support our families.

I am up every morning around 6 am to get my children ready for school and the babysitter. I have to be out of my house around 7:50 am so I can be at work by 9:30 because I have to drive close to an hour to get there. I work as a medical assistant for a Pediatrics Specialties department at St. Barnabas Medical Center so it's always busy everyday. There are days when the longest time I get to sit down is about 10 mins. When my day is over at 5:30 pm I have to drive an hour to get home. I cook dinner which is ready around 7, by time we're done eating it's 7:30. I only have about a half hour to an hour to spend time with my kids before it's time for them to get ready for bath and bed time. By time I have time for myself, which is about 9, I'm exhausted. I don't even want to clean up anything. One of the things my oncologist told me was, "On chemotherapy, if your working full time and taking care of your family, you are going to be exhausted by the end of the day." Boy was she right! 

Some of us as women care about the way we look. Our weight, hair, clothing, etc. I am on of those women. I love working out and watching my weight. I love doing my hair and getting all dolled up. I never thought that chemo would take that all away from me. I have 2 children and after my second child, Jennifer, I was determined to lose the 25 lbs I gained and fast. 3 months after she was born I had shed off the baby weight and because of her my hair had grown double. It was so long and wavy, I just loved it. When I started chemo I thought maybe I would lose weight because when you see cancer patients they are usually decaying and look extremely sick. I had planned on working out while on treatment so I would feel better about myself and maybe tone up if I was going to lose weight. Boy was I wrong. The AC (Adriamycin and Cytoxan) part of chemo was brutal. There were days when I couldn't even get out of bed when I heard the baby crying. I wanted to cry while walking not even 10 feet away from her room. You would think being that sick wouldn't give you the appetite to eat. NOPE! I was extremely hungry. When I spoke to the oncologist she told me that the Cytoxan and steroids would increase my appetite. So not only was I eating like a pig, I was also on steroids and sleeping most of the day. Not good combinations.

The day after my 2nd round of AC, saturday, my hair started to fall out. Sunday morning  I had shaved my head. It hurt mentally to lose my hair. My hair was part of who I was. People always complimented my hair and it made me feel good. But now that I had no hair I just felt ugly. It was so hard to look at myself in the mirror sometimes. I always wore a scarf because I didn't want anyone to see me, not even my husband. People are very judgmental and I didn't want all the stares. After my AC cycle was done, which was 8 weeks of treatment, I was a bald and 15 lb heavier person.

It was a lot to take in. My clothes don't fit, my face looks fat, and I have no hair. Chemotherapy really beat me up. I was becoming really depressed. The first week I started my 2nd cycle of chemo, Taxol, a girl walked into the infusion center with no hair and no scarf. I looked at her in amazement. She wasn't embarrassed by her bald head and she worked it! It made me think, why am I so worried about the way I look. It's not my fault I look like this. It's not my fault I gained weight and lost my hair. It had to be done to save my life. I wanted to be like her, bold and bald. That Saturday I went to a baby shower and left my scarf in the car! It felt so good to walk out with no hair, I just felt liberated. Now the only time I wear any of my scarves is at work since I work with kids. Yesterday I got the OK to start working out and they are going to start weaning me off the steroids, which rocks. So life is starting to go back to normal little by little.

Even though Chemotherapy makes me extremely tired, made me bald, made me gain weight, and just took so much away from me in the past 3 months, I would like to say thank you. Thank you because even though your making life a little difficult now, your saving my life and giving me better years to come. 

[cancerwho-blog]

The theme song of my life. I will praise his name even in the darkest hour. 

[cancerwho-blog]

He is my healer! : )

[cancerwho-blog]

If children have the ability to ignore all odds and percentages, then maybe we can all learn from them. When you think about it, what other choice is there but to hope? We have two options, medically and emotionally: give up, or fight like hell. ~Lance Armstrong

[cancerwho-blog]

The WAIT is Over!

     That friday night, where my world felt like it was crumbling down, I had this heaviness to go to church. See, I've been going to church since I was in 6th grade and in 7th grade I had given my life to the Lord but I didn't really understand the lifestyle of a christian. I played church like it was a ping pong game, I was in and out of church. I still prayed and had a lot of faith and fear of God. Before every time I did something wrong I had a voice in my head saying, "Don't do that Stacey, you know it's wrong." But I did it anyway.   This time was different, I really needed Him.

     I walked into church and it was the worship portion of service. I sat in the front, closed my eyes and just started crying. I couldn't stop. I felt His presence so strong I couldn't hold it in. Since I got there a little   last that was the last song they sang. I guy I don't know preached and I'm surprised I understood what he said because my spanish is horrible.

     Harrison stands up at the popit and does an alter call and prayer. As he was praying I closed my eyes and started praying, more like begging, for this to be nothing. All of a sudden I felt arms wrap around me and tears just started to fall down my cheeks. It was a hug I've never had before, a POWERFUL hug. I knew that it was Jesus hugging me because he knew that I need to know that everything would be Ok. I started to hear someone speak and I realized that it was my friend Jennifer hugging me. As he started to pray over my life there was one sentence that stood out, "When He says it is done, it is done!" When she said that my feet started to stomp and I couldn't stop. It felt like I was telling the enemy to stay where he belonged. I hadn't felt the Holy Spirit like that in a very long time and it felt amazing.

     Before we left the church to go out and eat I went to feel the lump and it felt like it had gotten smaller. I called my friend Jennifer and we started to cry together and she again prayed for me. I expected a miracle right away. I thought that he would take the lump away and on tuesday I would hear that it was nothing or even that it was cancer and when they would do all the testing again it would have disappeared and people would see the works of God that way. But see, God works in other ways.

     Monday arrived, I was so anxious to know the results of my biopsy that I kept going into the hospital system to look up the results. Nothing. It was killing me all day. My supervisor told me to call my doctor and ask her if she could've got the results sooner because I was losing sleep over this. As I was about to call her my phone started to ring. It was a number coming out of our building. "Can I speak with Stacey?" "This is Stacey." "Hi Stacey, this is Dr. MB. I have the results of the biopsy." "Ok." "It is cancer but remember what I said, your going to be Ok." I was in such shock I didn't know what to say, all I can say was, "Ok." "Stacey, your going to be fine. We can cure this, Ok?" "Ok." " I want to see you wednesday so we can talk about how to get this rid of this, Ok?" "Ok." "Did you get the MRI done yet?" "No." "Ok, I need you to do that tomorrow so we know exactly what's going on with the left breast too." "Ok." "Stacey?" "Yes?" "Your going to be fine. See you wednesday." "Ok, thank you Dr. B. Bye."

     As I drove home I called my mom but she didn't pick up. Why isn't she picking up?! I need to tell her! So I called Junior, her boyfriend, and he told me to relax because I was driving and that he was going to have her call me right away. She finally calls me and I tell her everything. She was trying to calm me down because I was driving and she didn't want me to get into an accident. She explained to me how I was going to be fine and how I had to be strong for my children. She was right. I had to fight for them, to see them grow up and have a life of their own.

     The next day I had to go to work early at 9 am because I had to do the MRI. I didn't have an appointment so I was praying to God they would take me anyway. The girl asked what I needed done and I told her a breast scan. "Diagnosis?" "Right breast cancer." Her face was priceless. She looked at me like if I had five eyes. She told me that her next appointment was at 1:00 because the MRI machine they used for breast scans wasn't on. She told me that I could do all the paperwork now and that she needed my ID and insurance card. When she saw that I had a St. Barnabas insurance card all of a sudden that machine was on. I was in the back in less than 5 mins. From this point on is where it all got real.

     A doctor came in and asked me a couple of questions. If I was pregnant, a smoker, history, and more. He started an IV. I asked him why and he said it was for the contrast of the MRI. I had to undress from my waist up and take off anything metal. He walked me into this beautiful room with this huge MRI machine. The room had an Asian feel to it. The ceilings had a design of the sky and clouds, but too bad I had to be face down. A nurse came in to help me in the machine. She handed me ear plugs because she said it can get very loud inside. It started to rise and then I went into the MRI machine. I don't know why people freak out in them because it is very spacious.

     Thank God they gave me those earplugs because that machine was LOUD! All I kept thinking was, "When was this going to be over?!" He started to inject the IV fluid in my arm and it started to leak out.  As it started to go down my arm it tickled, and once I moved I heard his voice in the speaker, "Please do not move." "Ok, I'm Sorry." Finally it was over. I was trying to read his face to see if the images were bad, but man was this guy good. I couldn't get anything out of him.

     Wednesday had finally arrived. My appointment was at 3 p.m. so I had to take a late lunch. My mom came with me to be my second pair of ears because I knew I was going to drift off a couple of times. We waited in the waiting room and it was awkward once again. I was the youngest person in the room while everyone else was in their late 30's to 50's. I said, "Oh my God ma, I have to use the bathroom." "It's because your nervous, it's Ok Stacey, relax." Right when I went to get up I here, "Stacey? Go into exam room 2." It was the physician's assistant. She told me to undress from the waist up and that the doctor would be in in a couple of minutes. About 5 minutes later Dr. MB walks in.

     "Hi Stacey, how are you today?" "I'm good." "Well I have good news for you. The cancer is localized. The MRI shows that there isn't any cancer anywhere else and the left breast is completely healthy. There are two options we can take here. We can do a lumpectomy, which is the removal of the lump. It a quick surgery, about 45 minutes. After that we would have to do radiation and chemo. The only thing is there is a chance of the cancer returning in the future because there is still breast tissue there. The other option is what we can a mastectomy, which is the removal of the breast. This will eliminate the chances of it ever coming back in that breast. Most women your age do what we call a double or bilateral mastectomy, where we remove both breast because chances are it can return in the other breast in the future. If you op for either of these, it is about a 4 hour surgery. Also there is something called breast reconstruction where we can give you your breast back. There is no radiation with the route but because of your age they are going to attack this hard and you would have to have chemo."

     "Doctor, I want the double mastectomy. I never want to deal with this ever again." She said Ok and told me that she had two plastic surgeons she recommended for the breast reconstruction. I got dressed and left that room feeling a lot better knowing my prognosis was good. The physician's assistant handed me two business cards for the plastic surgeons and my mom and I were on our way. That day I worked out of those doors a cancer patient.

[cancerwho-blog]

Where it all began...

  In November I had my second child, a beautiful baby girl, Jennifer. So with any young mother the first thing we think about it losing ALL the baby weight, and quick. So 4 weeks after Jenny was born I started working out with the P90X program. I loved it, it felt so good and I was shredding the baby weight quick. Two months pass and I lost the 25 lbs that I gained and I was so excited but super sore so I started massaging my shoulder and chest. Wait?! What is that?! 

      I feel this really big lump in my right breast. I had my husband feel it but he said, "Babe, it's ok, it's probably a tensed muscle." So I turned around and kept thinking about and started to cry. The next day I was calling everyone who ever breastfeed with questions. And some people told me it could be a dried up milk or even a cyst. So I went with that because I was only 25 years old and I was too young for breast cancer.

      I went back to work after 3 months of family leave and I didn't think anything of it anymore. At this time I was having some problems with my gynecologist about financial issues with a IUD. A co-worker suggested her gynecologist and said he was great, his name was Dr. JP (I'll only refer to them by their initials). She made an appointment for me and I almost didn't go but thank God I did. He was amazing, very attentive, and made you feel comfortable because trust me male gynecologist are just weird. 

     As he started to exam my breast I told him that I had felt something about a month ago but put it off because I was too young to have anything wrong with me. He said, "Wow, yes I feel that and it's pretty big. Doesn't feel like anything to be afraid about I will give you a script for an ultrasound to play it safe." I got in my car and threw the script in the backseat and said to myself, if it doesn't get smaller than I'll do it. A month later I felt it and it didn't feel any smaller. I went to look for my script and I couldn't find it anywhere.

      I work for Pediatrics Specialties at a hospital and I asked one of my doctors if she can write me up a script because I couldn't find mine and she did it for me. As she handed it to me she said, "I don't have a good feeling about this." I made appointment right downstairs from my job, The Breast Center. So on April 5th I walked into The Breast Center and I've never felt so out of place in my life. There were women in their 30's waiting for their mammograms. 

     "Stacey Colon? Please go to the middle desk." "OK." I sat in the seat and she asked for my ID and insurance and for some reason the first thing i asked was, "Do you guys have women my age being diagnosed with breast cancer?" She said," I'm sorry, I can't answer that. We just deal with the registration part." And she smiled. I don't know why I asked that question because I knew what the answer would be.

      I waited and waited until I got up and said, "Excuse me, I'm on my lunch break and it's almost over do you know when they'll call me?" She said she was sorry and went to get a tech and less than 5 minutes I was in the exam room. The woman was nice and apologized for the wait. So she asked me some questions and gave me a robe to put on. She came back in and started examining me. 

     I started school to be a ultrasound tech but didn't like it much so I continued with the medical assistant portion of my certificate. Anyway, the first thing they taught us as ultrasound technicians was, KEEP A STRAIGHT FACE, NO EMOTIONS! But I saw it in her face that something was wrong. "I'll be right back, the radiologist will be in and he'll examine you too." 

     This tall, awkward man walked in and he started to examine my right breast. The tone of his voice was heartless and dull, "Mrs. Colon, you see usually we look for fluid in the breast but as you can see this isn't fluid, it is tissue. When there is tissue involved we get worried and we have you meet with our breast disease nurse." I said ok and got dressed. All I kept thinking was, why was he so whatever with it? 

     They brang me into a room where I waited for awhile and finally a woman walked in. It was the nurse and she was sweet but her face made me cry. She had that, "I'm so sorry" kind of face. She gave me a tissue and explained to me that I had to have a mammogram and a biopsy on the lump. She told me to come after work to have all these testings done so I thanked her and was on my way back upstairs to work.

     I couldn't hold it in and I started to cry. My co-worker came to me and asked what was wrong and I told her that this lump can be cancerous. She gave me a hug and asked if I wanted her to come with me for the testings and I said sure. You really don't want to be alone during those type of things.

    I went into an empty office and I called my husband balling my eyes out. There wasn't much said because all I did was cry. As I was talking to him my supervisor walked in and asked what was wrong. I hung up with my husband and told her everything. She said, "No Stacey, let's go down there right now and get this done and over with." We walked downstairs and the nurse that I spoke with took me to a breast surgeon, Dr. MB. As I sat in the exam room I read all of the certificates on the wall. Top 100 doctors, Top 10 doctors, Excellence Awards. etc. Her physicians assistant came in first and she was wonderful!

     She made me laugh and forget about why I was there. When she was done my supervisor walked out of the room and this tall, brown haired woman came in and introduced herself. "Hello Stacey, my name is Dr. MB." My face was completely red and my eyes bloodshot red from crying so much. "I'm going to start out by saying, your going to be fine." She explained to me that the lump was 3 cm big and that it could have been many other things and that we were going to find out what it was fast. I had so many questions in my mind but only one came out, "How many women my age have you diagnosed with breast cancer?" She replied, "The majority of my patients are young. I've diagnosed a woman at your age and she is 28 now and fine. I've diagnosed another girl that was 21 and she is now your age and fine. Like I said, it can be many other things but if it is cancer I promise you, you will be fine." She made me feel so comfortable, I was no longer scared or hysterical. She gave me scripts for a mammogram, a MRI, and a needle biopsy and told me that the results wouldn't be in until Tuesday.

     As I started to walk out of her office I was full of smiles but inside I was crying. I went back into The Breast Center's registration office and had to register for the mammogram. They sent me to another waiting room. While I waited I read a magazine. I felt like all eyes were on me. I picked up my head and my feeling was right. The 3 other women there, between the ages of mid-thirties to fifties, were staring at me. I didn't like this feeling because I knew they were staring at me because I was so young. "Colon?" "Yes?" "Come with me please," The nurse navigated me to the yet another exam room but all I can think was, wow finally I've met someone shorter than me in this building.

     She told me to undress from the waist up and that she would come and get me in a couple of minutes. Knock-knock, I open the door and it was her. She took me to a room right across from mine and there was a strange looking exam table there. The lights were dim and inside all I kept thinking was, "I shouldn't be doing any of this!" A doctor named Dr. LS walked in and introduced herself and then explained to me the procedure. They have to take a piece of the tissue and examine it. But how do you do that? I had to lay flat on the table and she injected a local anesthetic on the area where the lump was. They then use an ultrasound machine to see where the lump and stick a 14-gauge needle in your breast to take a piece of the tissue.

     At first I was really nervous because I HATE needles, who doesn't right? But because of the anesthetic I didn't feel a thing. Thank God! I was sent back to my exam room. I look down the hall and I see my two co-workers and they brang me my purse and other things and wished me luck. The nurse came back and said it was time for my mammogram. This is where it hit me, "WHOA, what am I doing here? Only women in their 30's and up do this!" Just to let you guys know, mammograms aren't as bad as other women make it seem. When it was all done they wrapped me up with a ice pack and I was on my way. I asked the nurse there, "If you were me, would you tell your mother today or after Easter?" She said, "Tell her after Easter, don't ruin the holiday."

      On my way out guess who was calling me? My mom. I couldn't hold it in and I told her. She was very calm and told me to pray and they it would be nothing. What came next was the hardest.

                                                                 THE WAIT.....