caoimhebear

[caoimhebear]

as a kid I never appreciated the comedic genius of my elementary school principal, who, whenever our school won against another school in a sport, would play what felt like 2 minutes of “we are the champions” over the PA during announcements, and just as it’s going “cuz we are the champions…of” he’d hit stop and his deadpan voice over the PA system would go “Brampton.”

[caoimhebear]

PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT: When you treat retail employees like shit, you become an instant joke. You are the story they tell over coffee to make their friends and family laugh at the idiot. You are the person they mimic in a squeaky voice.

Next time you want to yell at a retail employee, imagine them repeating what you are about to say in a squeaky voice. Because that will be your legacy.

[caoimhebear]

working in retail

[caoimhebear]

I just realised Ph.D should stand for Preferred Hill to Die on.

[caoimhebear]

Remember that movie in which Jack Black was a teacher and building a rock band and when a little black chubby girl asked to be a singer he only said “sure! let me hear you” and the moment she started using her beautiful voice his lit up like all of his dreams came true, PLUS the same little girl was scared that people would make fun of her because she was fat and he started listing awesome singers with some weight on and included himself and told her that people wouldn’t laugh because she is awesome at what she does and that is all that matters PLUS that it’s ok to enjoy food?

Also, when a little boy asked to be the band’s stylist he just said “sure, go ahead fancy pants” like, there wasn’t a single second of questioning it, he went into “ok, that will be your position then” right away

That fucking movie is an hour and a half of Jack Black teaching kids to love themselves disregarding all of the stereotypes

[caoimhebear]

[caoimhebear]

working in retail

[caoimhebear]

Hello, Police? I would like to report a murder at the White House Correspondents’ Dinner.

Immediately following Sarah Huckabee Sanders’ homegoing service, refreshments will be served in the hall. It’s Easy Mac and dried out rotisserie chickens from Food Lion tho, so…ya know…

[caoimhebear]

If I text you back fast its not because Im thirsty its because my phone was in my hand at the time. The waiting to text people back on purpose shit is childish

[caoimhebear]

Hi. Why is it unfortunate that you like men?

hi have you ever met a man

[caoimhebear]

[caoimhebear]

“Opposites attract” should be reserved for like “she’s messy and he’s neat!” Not like “she’s supportive and he’s a soul-sucking toxic person!”

[caoimhebear]

I am a pretty patient person but if there is one thing I will lose my shit over almost instantly it’s my computer/internet being slow my tolerance level is exactly 0 for that shit man I did my time in the 90’s/2000’s I don’t need any of this garbage

[caoimhebear]

I’m constantly torn between “if it’s meant to be, it will be” and “if you want it, go and get it.”

[caoimhebear]

There's nothing wrong with sex, people.

[caoimhebear]

when vinny from jersey shore is more educated on climate change than the actual president

[caoimhebear]

I’m okay…You’re okay

Are you ashamed to crawl to him because your belly hangs and your tits sway? Do you prefer online LDRs because if she sees your small stature in real life she won’t respond to your authority? Do your ribs show so distinctly that you’re always dreading the first comment about eating something so you’ll be healthy?

Too fat. Too short. Too skinny. Too loud. Too smart. Too hairy. Too old. Not enough money. Not enough experience. In a wheel chair. Lost a limb. A basket case with enough luggage to open a store.

Stop. Just stop.

You are you. And whoever that is you are a unique addition to the world. There is no other exactly like you which makes you a rare prize. And in this world there are those who would give anything to possess that prize.

Be proud of you. Love you. Don’t obsess over those who don’t value your brand of awesomeness. But remember to be open and accepting of those who do. If Tumblr teaches you nothing else it should be clear that there is a ying to every yang.

Who knows? The person you reblog this from may be yours.