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[capreseblog]

says who?

As long as you’re happy, or busy living your life, or let’s say more or less satisfied with what surrounds you, and you just keep going to do what you do without questioning, everything seems in line. Every time there’s a disruption, you reflect, rethink, and you get the chance to rearrange those parameters. In order to… Yeah, and there we are – … in order to what? to where? To follow a kinda new lead which supposedly takes you to a better state of mind? Who tells you this is a true lead? Where do those good intentions come from? What made them up? And why do we always strive for that improvement and rely on the idea of basic achievements? In order to be fortunate, you better cherish all these opportunities. For a start, try to be grateful, but not to deceive yourself because it’s a bleeding-heart-thing to do, but for the sake of having understood, that this is the only way to appreciate your life and what actually happens to you. One can still strive for glitter and glamour, for darkness and evil, for high moral standards or superficial affirmation, as long as you know you’re damn lucky to do it. We all are. That’s what we share. Us little insignificant creatures on earth. Now back to my endless train of thought.

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It’s still a thing.

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DEAR DICK

I realised these letters are to blurt out your inner story, your desires and your weirdest you. What a platform! Combined with the push Keith Haring’s exhibition has given me: flashes of thrown paint buckets, snippets of protesters’ shouting down, thousands of words only I can see behind my closed eyes, feelings that occur when I’m raking over old coals and an eagerness that appeared dead a long time ago. Art in every form and its simplest manifestation. My fingers are itching to write.

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Gerade denke ich, Du bist doch Du selbst. Du kannst mich anrufen, wann und wie oft Du willst. Vielleicht bist Du eine ‚Verpflichtung‘ eingegangen vor vielen Jahren, aber heißt das, dass Du heute nicht nach dem entscheidest, was Dir heute gut tut?

Wer schreibt Dir vor, dass Du nicht Dein Telefon mitnehmen kannst? Deine Frau? Die gesellschaftlichen Normen? Dein Gewissen? Oder der Wunsch dass es doch nicht so ist und eigentlich wieder alles ‚in Ordnung kommt‘? Oder der Wunsch nach allem, der Affäre und dem gewohnten Zuhause?

Da bin ich nur eine Außenseiterin hier, eine Frau in Deinem Kopf. Keine reale Person.

Aber so ist es nicht. Ich bin hier. Und fühle. Ich bin doch keine Frau der zweiten Reihe. Ich bin frei, aber ich fühle. Das Gleiche wie Du.

Ich glaube an Selbstbestimmung, an Wünsche und Träume und daran, sie zu leben. Ich verlange nichts und erwarte nichts. Aber es frustriert mich, dass ich berühre und dann dann wieder gehen darf. Dass ich ein Gedanke bleibe.

Dass ich Stimulation bedeute, aber nicht Veränderung. Wie ich mir selbst gegenüber. Den Kopf voller Verlangen, und Murphy’s rationalem Gewissen. Ein Spagat, jeden Tag, umtriebig, neugierig und doch realistisch, verwunschen und doch komplex.

Wer passt in diese Bandbreite hinein? Will ich das?

Gehst Du einen Schritt mit mir? Wann kommst Du und reichst mir die Hand?

Und vielleicht kannst Du auch Deinen Hund mitnehmen.

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“my dear good friend”

Ironically the very same day I wrote that post below about Corona dates, I started chatting with a guy who ‘coincidently’ added me on Facebook. While I still wondered why - I wasn’t sure if I know him, but it turned out I didn’t - he fell in love at first sight. Or first text. Or whatever. I’m exaggerating, but I spent the next days with patiently explaining why I think this is not possible, as we haven’t met or anything. He was very persistent and resistent to what I said. I didn’t like his American writing style too much. He was in a difficult area, where he had to go because of his job, so I tried to be nice all along. Eventually I gave up and just stopped writing back. Well, me shoulder-lifting here, what can I say? It’s not that I am any wiser now. Same, same. He didn’t get me infected.

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dating while corona

What has changed? The dishwasher runs daily, which it never did before. Big change here, ha. First time in weeks I dare to go to the post office. Yeah, sorting stuff out and selling it online finally pays off. I confess, I did a big online shopping tour myself the other day. So it’s more the financial conscious I need to trick here. I prepare superfood, I yell at the kids in need of more discipline, I force myself to youtube-sport-sessions, I feel like in slow-motion sometimes (which is nice), I even overslept once. So, considering these small aspects that have actually changed, or let’s say they morphed into a new shape, I wouldn’t say, there are striking differences.  Among my colleagues I see a lot of variety in terms of perception of the new situation and also in the way they handle it. Signs show signals from overwhelmed to new freedom, from red-eyes to flourishing skin, from boredom to ignorance to humor. I call these emotional highlights, learnings for me in the context of acceptance and welcoming all different kind of human beings. It’s my personal social study. Speaking of people - some are surrounded by family, some couple around, some single-ride everything out. I was wondering how dating works in times of Corona. Can someone please tell me? Are tinder download numbers now comparable with those of Teams and Zoom? Or do tinderers even use both, in order to first-meet online instead of analoguely (does that word even exist?)? Is it a chance to save time in the phase of getting-to-know-each-other? Because that’s what I’ve heard, that people whose tinder-enthusiasm declined, said, that they find it very exhausting, time-consuming and even time-wasting, to have to meet up with a PoI (Person of Interest), just to find out, if this is it, or if you actually like to continue with this ‘relationship’. Does a video chat now replace a personal meeting? I guess we’re all currently figuring out, how certain applications can ease our stay-at-home-pain. And maybe we’re longing even more for personal contact, for eye-contact through air and not through lenses and data packages. Or maybe social distancing is a chance to get a clearer view on those matters. Personally, regarding everyone’s time management and emotional engagement. Who knows.

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one down.

I’m afraid to say it, but one of my mottos is: You better lose a close friend, than not having dropped an odd remark. So, in these pandemic times, I think I lost the first one. But, it’s not that I said something stupid or inappropriate, I tried to cheer her up. Okay, I might have mentioned, that I’m a bit annoyed by lamenting people on a really high level. Apparently she felt offended. I realised that the person, whom I always thought of being strong (on the outside), had been shaken up by recent events. Still, we are all in the same boat here, complaining or not. No one has been personally attacked or offended, but many seem to think that way. We are still our own masters, whether we’re at home, in the office, socially distancing or beefing about the current situation. Many of us are affected by the economic consequences which are not totally foreseeable this very moment. For now, we’re asked to stay at home, that’s it. It’s a flu. BTW, I really like the term Wu Flu. And I still love China. Be optimistic.

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Let me be clear. These are my favourite shares out of the massive flood. (when we still used to live above our means). No worries, we are no brand.

You’re welcome.

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Caprese turned Corona

in the light of recent events - we will still have Caprese, probably even more these days, but friends and kids need a valve.

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Tiago, Indigo, Beijing

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Café Click, Essen, Germany

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Südtiroler Stuben, Essen, Germany

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Café Alba, Beijing

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Assaggi, Beijing

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Fiume, Beijing

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Da Luigi, The Romanos, Costa Navarino, Greece