caprisunthoughts

[caprisunthoughts]

Pete Buttigieg is just a faggot.

It's very important to me that younger queers understand this: to the people who you're trying to be more respectable for when you say things like neopronouns set the trans movement back or you're why the cishets don't accept us or including [aces/bi people with the 'wrong kind' of partners/non-binary people/kinksters/non-passing trans ppl/furries/polyam people] just hurts us, can't you wait until we get all our rights before we talk about some of yours? -- to those people? Pete Buttigieg is just a fag.

On Sunday at Pride Northwest, some kids -- late teens, early 20s -- asked what our button I survived Reagan for this? meant. All of the queer adults at the tables making up our ad hoc counter looked at each other and sighed a little. Emet and another adult started to explain the way that the Reagan Administration handled -- or didn't handle -- the beginning of the AIDS crisis. How many people died. How much we were ignored. The Ashes Action. The Time Magazine article which explicitly blamed bisexual men for passing the pandemic to the cishet community, playing on all the worst stereotypical bullshit. The way that even when the CDC started paying attention, they were so focused on gay men that they ignored AIDS in the lesbian community, leading to the "women don't get AIDS, they just die from it" poster. And so on.

I finished counting out change and passed the last Bear Pride raised fist pin over to a bear a little older than me, then turned my head and interjected, "they didn't care until it started infecting more than just the fags." I turned my head back and handed him his change. He laughed bitterly and said, "remember when they called it 'gay cancer?'"

That what I need you to understand. The people for whom you are folding yourself into smaller and smaller boxes will never see you as anything but a freak. A queer. A dyke. A tranny. A fag.

Never.

These are people who will stand by and let you wither away and die alone, gasping for breath in a cinderblock room, and not even claim your ashes, and they will say you deserve it, because of your lifestyle. If they speak of you at all it will be by the wrong name, with the pictures you hate the most. They will curse at your lover, throw him out of the home you shared, and steal the gift you gave last Christmas to throw it in the trash just so he can't have it and they'll say Jesus loves you! while they do it. They'll feel good and righteous and blessed and holy and pure for doing it.

And for them, you spit in the eye of your sister. For them, you disavow your sibling. For their sake, you trim away bits of your heart and lace yourself up tight. Never too loud. Never too queer. Never inconvenient or embarrassing, never asking for too much.

Pete Buttigieg is what happens when your Boomer dad turns out gay. Middle America. Parents still married. Suburban-sprouted. Valedictorian. Harvard-educated. Rhodes Scholarship. Military service. More power to him: I hope he and Chasten are very happy together. Genuinely, I do.

You couldn't create a more respectable gay if you grew one in a lab run by concerned voter focus groups.

But Pete Buttigieg? Is just a fag.

That's the part you don't seem to get: when they abandoned us, they abandoned all of us. Rock Hudson was a beloved movie star and even personally friendly with that horrid pair of ambitious jackals. Nancy Reagan refused to help him get into the only place in the world that could treat him at the time, and he died.

It was 1985, 4 years after the CDC first released papers on what would eventually become known as HIV/AIDS and 7 years after the first known death from an infection from HIV-2. Reagan hadn't even said the word AIDS by the time Hudson died.

Pete Buttigieg is just a fag, and so am I. Unless I'm a dyke, which seems to depend on who's yelling what from which window and what day it is.

Yes, there will be people who genuinely love and accept you. Those people are worth all the frustration of the rest, thankfully, and they're the ones who love you in a pup mask or a leather harness and a neon jock like the ones sold by the men up the row from us last weekend. They're the ones who laugh out loud when you tell them you hid the word "dyke" in your company name, the ones who love you in all your messiness and uncertainty and the way you don't fit into neat boxes all scrubbed up and clean.

Most cishets, though... well, they don't actively mean you specifically any harm, at least not when they have to look at you. Not when you're right there in front of them. Maybe they'll be okay with you, personally, especially if you're the kind of gay who makes a good rhetorical device, and as long as you remain a good rhetorical device.

They need people to know that they don't have a problem with the gays, after all, and there you are, being all convenient. You make a nice token, and as long as you do, well. You're useful.

But they call you by your deadname when you're not around, and they put the wrong pronouns in your medical record even though they met you years after you came out, and they won't put themselves out to save you. Not one little bit.

I didn't want to be here again. The year I graduated from high school was the worst year of the AIDS crisis. The world into which I became an adult was a world in which an advisor and friend to Reagan, William F. Buckley, openly advocated for forcibly tattooing the HIV status of HIV+ gay men on their buttocks (and IV drug users on their forearms), and in which my father not only told me that when I was 14 or so, but when was told me that he'd advocated for that tattoo being "over their assholes."

(Buckley wrote that in '86, but he doubled down on it in 2005.

Fucker.)

But yeah. I didn't want to be here again. I wanted my daughter to inherit a better world. I wanted Obergefell and Lawrence v. Texas and Hope & Change to really mean something. I work for it, today and all days. I haven't given up.

I need you to know that, too. This isn't a white flag. I'm not surrendering. This isn't over. To misquote Henry Rollins, this is what Marsha and Sylvia and Stormé and Leslie and Brenda and Auntie Sugar trained us for. This is punk rock time.

But I need you to understand that if Pete Buttigieg is just a fag, if that human embodiment of a Wonder Bread, mayo and Oscar Meyer bologna sandwich is not respectable enough for them -- and he's not -- then the rest of us have absolutely no hope of measuring up. Not even if we trim away every colorful, beautiful piece of our community, not even if the Sisters Of Perpetual Indulgence vanish into the ether, not even if we sacrifice the five elements of vogue on the altar of white supremacist cishet middle-class conformity: we can't trim ourselves down to something they'll accept.

The only other option is radical acceptance of our queer selves. The only other option is solidarity. The only other option is for fats and femme queens and drags and kinksters and queers and zine writers and sex workers and furries and addicts and kids and the ones who can look us in the eye and see all of us to say we're here, we're queer, get used to it just the way we did 30 years ago. It's revolutionary, complete and total acceptance of our entire community, not just the ones the cishets can pretend to be comfortable with as long as we don't challenge them too much, or it's conceding the shoreline inch by inch to the rising waters of fascism until we've got nowhere left to stand and some of us start drowning.

That's it. Either it's all of us or it's none of us, because if we leave the answer up to the Reagans of the world and all the people who enabled him in the name of lower taxes and Democrats who wring their hands, weeping oh I don't agree with it but we'll lose the election if we fight it right now, the answer is none of us.

The brunch gays can come, too, I guess.

[caprisunthoughts]

💤💤💤💤

[caprisunthoughts]

I feel I need to put this in writing somewhere Just In Case but if my cancer ever relapses then please do not cut your hair in solidarity I do not want it

[caprisunthoughts]

I don’t work in science bb but I did nearly have a stroke reading this until I realized it was your post and not someone w the same name as me

thinking about how jo would play with my hair as we watched eileen play BoTw and scream at monsters

and then cat would give me chocolate

sigh

[caprisunthoughts]

bert and ernie go to ikea

[caprisunthoughts]

does anyone else ever literally choke up because of how much lan xichen loves his didi or is it just me

[caprisunthoughts]

I saw an image of a Fat Kererū when looking up images of Fat Pigeons.. and found this majestic beast

so I went an painted him to honour this loaf of a being….

Transparent Version on Patreon!

(2021)

[caprisunthoughts]

Mandalorian Fan Compiles All Grogu’s Baby Noises

[caprisunthoughts]

I beg your pardon? 😳

[caprisunthoughts]

Fine Line songs as vintage candies vol. 2: TPWK ↳ vol 1: cherry

[caprisunthoughts]

A real good time for you to come back, Arthur 👌✨😂🙈🙈🙈

🎅 Merry Christmas guys!!! 🎄✨ Stay home, stay safe! 🎁

 Avalon’s postal service are the worst, 1500 years of delay…

[caprisunthoughts]

...frogz

[caprisunthoughts]

in honor of the inauguration.

[caprisunthoughts]

Could you tell us about Booker and Nicky's friendship too?

we really don’t talk about these two enough

petty motherfuckers

esp petty with each other

oh sorry booker no i didnt know i left a knife on the bed or no nicky i wasnt aware those were your leftovers

nicky and booker butchering each other’s languages when they’re annoyed at the other, and some very americanized pronunciation of the word ‘croissant’ on nicky’s part

will argue about the dumbest shit ever and will go to extreme lengths to prove themselves correct which is how the team ended up in southern mexico so nicky could prove what color the safehouse walls are 

sorry nicky but joe agrees with booker that they are more green than brown, and no way he can argue with joe

consistently compete and feel the need to one up each other (hence the bets) and it’s resulted in many rules because andy is sick of their shit

one time they bet who would win in a race down the stairs of the eiffel tower, nicky tripped booker who promptly fell all the way down and died on impact

after an extremely loud argument in several languages they went again and booker won but nicky refuses to pay him because booker's height is an unfair advantage (its been 50 years)

if joe and booker are the worlds best bullshitters, nicky and booker are the "fuck around and find out” gang

when in a situation where they’re undercover and speaking to the mark and they get any kinds of suspicious, they immediately start complaining about them and their business, putting on extreme versions of their accents to really pull the ‘pretentious european’ vibe

popular topics: their clothing, nationality, that those aren’t mints in the bathroom, the fact that their mothers are probably disappointed in them

intimidation station

nickys stare + bookers size? no one dares fuck with them on the street

as ive said before, these two are responsible for every single stray that's ever ended up in their safehouses for the nights they are there and the ones responsible for the missing money which they use to leave food out for the rest of the strays

andy has definitely come home to them covered in cat fur as nicky is on bookers shoulders trying to get one of them off the top of the cabinet

italian vs. french rivalry is real

food, language, culture, it's all fair game to insults, yes booker has been called a crusty baguette and it started a war which resulted in no less than 15 insults being banned from being used

nicky probably tries to get booker to eat healthier, bc while nicky definitely appreciates fast food, booker you can't just eat fries and whiskey please eat a single lettuce

i like to think they cook together, i think booker is probably a good cook but it’s not something he does much anymore, not since becoming immortal really but nicky shared his love of cooking and occasionally they cook something together, finding old recipes from their homelands

covers booker with a blanket anytime he wakes up early to find him passed out half off the couch but also definitely takes a picture first 

love to go antique shopping, booker is a surprisingly good negotiator 

[caprisunthoughts]

ball boys

[caprisunthoughts]

hinata, kageyama and tsukishima at the christ the redeemer statue in rio