captainexplody

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what if you wore a shirt that featured a picture of you trying to claw your way out of the shirt with a horrid desperate expression and the text "THAT'S NOT ME THAT'S NOT ME I'M TRAPPED IN THE SHIRT"

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I see a lot of people complaining about the price of the Nintendo Switch 2 cartridges, and would like you all to take a good look at President of the United States Donald Trump, who recently put a 24% tariff on Japan, and try to figure out why those cartridges made in Japan and imported to the United States of America might now have to cost more for everyone.

To this, I imagine people will argue with me about the price of cartridges elsewhere, for example the United Kingdom. The United Kingdom has no such tariffs on Japan, so why would cartridges in the United Kingdom have to cost so much? And I would like to point you to the projected economic crash that President of the United States Donald Trump is about to unleash on the world just because he wants to fight with the European Union for some reason. Prices for everything, everywhere, are going to go up because of this.

At least he stopped trans people playing basketball though, thank fuck for that.

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Here's my take on the Trump tariffs

In 1995, Sega pulled what they thought was a smooth business move. The Sega Saturn was due for release in the United States in September, and they were gearing up for a big presentation at the E3 show in May. The Sega Saturn was already out in Japan at the time, having been released in November 1994. Sega were currently without a Sonic the Hedgehog game, which made little difference to fans in Japan but would have a big impact on their sales in the United States, and their fingers were crossed that the game would be finished by Christmas, just in time for their September release date. Now, the story of that Sonic game is very long and I'm not going to tell it here, but it's really interesting. Maybe I'll tell it some other time if you are interested. This story is long enough as it is, and it might not immediately make sense, but trust me.

The point is that Sega really needed a win. They had fumbled the ball with the later half of the Sega Mega Drive (Genesis if you're a yank)'s release, by trying to prolong it unnecessarily. Sega released both a CD add on (the Sega CD) and a 32-bit add on (the 32X) to the Mega Drive (Genesis) to keep people buying it. The problem with these two add ons was that they cost money, and they weren't strictly necessary.

The first reason why they weren't necessary is because people didn't see the benefit of it. The people would have to rely on Sega being able to capably pump out quality games for both new add-ons in order to justify the purchase of them, and there just weren't enough killer games for either add-on to justify their purchase. How can Sega logically focus on reliably creating games for three different machines? If you were a third party developer, which system do you develop your game for? So as a result, people just didn't really buy either, because they couldn't justify their purchase. Unless you really liked low-res full motion video games, or if you really liked Sonic CD. To be fair, Sonic CD fucking rips.

The second reason why they weren't necessary is that everyone was pretty sure Sega were gearing up to release a CD based 32-bit machine soon anyway, so why pay what would probably add up to be a similar price buying these two new add-ons when you could just wait until the next machine comes out? If Sony made a new machine called the Playstation 5.5 as a stop gap between the 5 and the 6, would you buy it? Why not just wait for the Playstation 6? Some of those 5.5 games will probably be re-released or backwards compatible with the 6 anyway, so why waste your money. Sega were losing faith with the video game audience, and developers were also starting to lose patience.

Sega were in a spin. Nintendo were still nipping at their heels with their next generation console that was in development (the Nintendo 64) although they too were making blunders with the Virtual Boy (which was featured a lot on this very E3 event, what a show this would have been to attend!) and by turning down a company that wanted to develop a disc drive for their Super Nintendo system. That company was Sony, and once they were jilted by Nintendo they went to Sega. 'Hey man, we both hate Nintendo, lets work together and screw them! We make the CD discs, you make the actual games, we'll split the profits and kill Nintendo!' Sega thought they would be fully capable of killing Nintendo without anyones help, and so they too turned Sony down, which led to Sony just deciding to enter the console market anyway. Bear with me, this'll all make sense eventually. Remember all of this. Sega were burning bridges with their audience, their developers, and other console companies.

Cue E3 1995. The Sega Saturn's United States release at least four months away, so those who attended were eagerly awaiting news on the new system. Nowadays, consoles are released across the globe at the same time, but back in my day releases were staggered in order to get the games prepared for each region. Japan first, then games were localised for the United States, and then those games were converted to PAL for Europe. That was the system.

Tom Kalinske was Sega of America's big CEO, and he was to speak at E3. He announced that the price of the Sega Saturn in the United States was to be $399 (which according to inflation would be around $831 today?! Numbers are crazy, man. Who comes up with this shit?) but he also announced that starting TODAY, May 11th, the Sega Saturn would be available in the United States! From select retailers, of course, not everyone had a Sega Saturn, but forget that bit! You can buy a Sega Saturn TODAY, no waiting until September! Y'know, so long as stocks hold up that long.

The gaming world freaked out at such an announcement. That was a high price for a console, but a surprise launch caught everyone unawares. Sega did this launch to get the Saturn into as many US homes as possible, to get the jump on the soon to be released Sony Playstation, which was due to be available in the United States on September 9th, a week after the Sega Saturn was supposed to be released there (September 2nd).

In a now incredibly famous piece of video game history, during Sony's presentation where they showed off some games for the Playstation, the President of Sony Computer Entertainment of America (SCEA) Steve Race walked up on stage. He looked out to the audience, simply said 'two ninety nine', and walked off stage again. Everybody freaked out, again. Sega could do whatever they wanted with their early launch and their no Sonic games, but Sony effortlessly showed their clout by telling the world their machine was $100 cheaper than the Sega Saturn.

Because the Sega Saturn was not really supposed to launch in May 1995, a lot of people were unprepared. Sega themselves were unprepared because they did not have the hardware numbers to send to the United States, and as a result the shops and retailers were unprepared. Sega only cut a deal with a handful of retailers to stock the Sega Saturn, so the ones without the deal felt burned by Sega and refused to stock the Saturn by the time consoles were being made available. The retailers who did receive their Sega Saturns in May felt as if they had been ripped off, as once those machines sold out they were unable to replace them, because of Sega's inability to make the machines quickly enough, and so these retailers also got angry at Sega.

Consumers got angry at Sega because they couldn't buy the machine. It sold out quickly and because restock numbers were very patchy, it became very difficult to get hold of it in the West. Game developers were angry at Sega because they were told they had until September to finish localising their games, and as a result very few games were actually available to purchase at launch.

Sega tried to get the jump on their competition, they tried to pull out a few moves that nobody would see coming to get people talking and to get ahead of Nintendo and Sony. Nintendo didn't notice, as they just continued doing whatever they wanted (as they still do) and Sony responded by undercutting Sega completely, completely undoing any good work Sega were trying to do. Sega, by this point, had lost a LOT of good faith with pretty much everyone. All the other mistakes they had made leading up to this point, everybody remembered them, and this time they weren't going to let Sega off the hook.

Sega attempted their final bounce back with the Sega Dreamcast in 1998. This time they had a dedicated Sonic the Hedgehog game (which was a lot of fun) in Sonic Adventure, they had a very modern and (some would argue to this day) very ahead of its time machine, and they had some good marketing and branding to go along with it.

However, by this point the damage was done. People think that the Dreamcast was a failure and that was the reason that Sega got out of the console making business, but this isn't strictly true. The reason Sega got out is because there was absolutely no way they could continue being a viable contender in the console wars, and that's because they lost so much good faith with everyone. The Dreamcast could have been a crazy success, but unless it sold as well as the Playstation 2, to this date the best selling console of all time, then there was no way Sega would be able to get back the financial losses or the good faith losses that they had suffered throughout the 90s. Unfortunately for Sega, their Dreamcast was going up against the Sony Playstation 2, the best selling console of all time. Sega were a distant third place, very far behind everyone else.

Now. The point of Trumps tariffs was to stick it to people he didn't like, because he's a bitter old fool, but he also made these tariffs in order to bring more jobs back to the United States, to not rely on other countries as much for things that the United States should be manufacturing themselves. He's not wrong in that a lot of business happens elsewhere, and it makes sense to make a lot of those goods and services more homegrown.

However. If you start the war before the tanks are ready, the war won't last very long. If you want to focus more on manufacturing vehicles, for example, in the United States, then that's a great idea. Maybe give the car manufacturers a heads up about that first though, yeah? The reason that so many people are upset about these tariffs is because of how Trump has handled them, ie badly. The rest of the world feels pretty screwed over that they have to just blindly accept this, and the people will not forget.

Stock markets have plunged significantly because people lost faith in the brand. People now feel screwed over by this company ONCE AGAIN because they have acted incredibly selfishly and not thought about the people they are supposed to be marketing to, forgetting that if you piss off those people, you probably won't be in business for long. Now, this was a problem for Sega, who wanted to remain in business. If your business is putting yourself out of business as quickly as possible just to write off the expenses, however, then something like this is par for the course.

Somebody during Donald Trump's first term said that he was running the United States the way he runs his businesses, and this second term seems like the most accurate depiction of that. He's doing a lot to get people talking about him.

Some industries depend heavily on importing materials from China and other countries, because of the way the infrastructure is in the United States it's actually cheaper to import those materials than it is to manufacture them in the country. So, are these materials being accounted for with the tariffs? Are small businesses being thought of with these tariffs? Is the bigger picture being thought of? Short term it's another way to get people talking, but in the long term those people are going to feel VERY burned by the United States, and there's only so much people can take. People don't forget these kinds of things, man.

So to circle back to everything, I can see why Sega did what they did at E3 1995, but in hindsight it was a massive mistake that they were never able to recover from, and they tried. They made the Sega Dreamcast, for God's sake, and everybody loves the Dreamcast. They could never get that trust back, and they became a shadow of their former selves. I believe the same thing will happen with the Trump Presidency. He has made a series of unpopular moves already so far this year, gaining some bad faith with the people he is supposed to be looking after, and this one will end up costing those people a LOT of money. Maybe this will be the straw that breaks the camels back. In the future, maybe he does something incredible and releases a good Sonic the Hedgehog game alongside it, but I think by that point it'll be too late. The damage has been done, the faith has already been lost.

I mean, obviously this is a bullshit analogy because while Sega were fucking up the Saturn, Donald Trump was fucking up 4 (?) different businesses, and then he went on to become President of the United States the first time and he fucked that up too, and people remembered all of that and voted him in a second time anyway, so y'know. Maybe times change, and by that I mean, people lose the ability to remember how stuff used to really piss them off. Nobody gets pissed off about important stuff anymore, like how there wasn't a good Sonic the Hedgehog game for the Sega Saturn. Important stuff. You all need to get a fucking grip, man.

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Here is a promotional photograph of me to promote our comics podcast. I'm the one in the noose.

Who are the Smark Avengers?

Dylan is the small one.

Other facts about Dylan:

- He creates the thumbnails.

- He is a semi-professional criminal.

- He really likes the Grant Morrison X-Men run.

- He likes Spider-Man comics but hasn’t actually liked any Spider-Man comics in the last 20-ish years.

- He thinks Hydroman is pretty neat.

- He can shoot fireworks out of his fingers and was once a vampire.

- He is a trained artist.

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My friends and I do a dumb podcast where we talk about comics and jizz, feel free to listen to it and make it the number one rated comics based podcast in the entire world, thank you.

Hello and welcome to the Smark Avengers! My name is Corey and with me are Dylan and Jon!

We are longtime friends and longtime comic book fans. Each week we get together to discuss comic topics, play games, and see how many times we can pitch our Baby Juggernaut story to Marvel Comics.

We are not well-respected, we are not experts in our field, but we aim to make each other laugh as much as possible.

We are also on YouTube in case you want to see our mugs (minus Jon):

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fuck these fascists

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Doctor Dangerous

Doctor Dangerous was in the mood to operate on somebody. “Give me someone to cut up!” he would yell inside his private practice. It’s private because you need an invitation to get in. It’s a real exclusive club, man. You gotta get an invite. Anyway, Doctor Dangerous feels like living up to his name. “It’s time for me to get dangerous!” he would say, and all of the people who worked for him would nod their heads and go along with it, and say things like “Well I guess it’s just time for him to do something dangerous” and then they just let him do whatever it is he wants to do. Usually, whenever Doctor Dangerous wants to do something dangerous, people just let him. Otherwise they’d have to listen to him moan and complain about not being allowed to do anything dangerous, and he can go on about it for a long time. I mean he can be really annoying, he won’t shut up about it. Really unbearable, man, trust me. It’s just easier to let him do whatever dangerous thing he wants to do.

Doctor Dangerous holds out his hands and waits for a nurse to place something in said aforementioned hands. Whatever he is given, he hopes it will be really dangerous. The nurse hands him a scalpel, and Doctor Dangerous throws it away angrily, narrowly avoiding hitting an intern with it. The intern needs to understand just how dangerous it is working with Doctor Dangerous. It’s pretty dangerous, honestly. Doctor Dangerous demands that something much more dangerous be placed into his hands, potentially something that can explode. A nurse hands him a baseball bat with nails sticking out of it, and Doctor Dangerous seems amused. “This feels pretty dangerous, all right!” he says out loud, and everybody in the room agrees with him. You can’t argue with the facts, a baseball bat with nails sticking out of it seems pretty dangerous. 

Now that we have our operating instruments, it’s time to operate! Who have we got, who is next in line? Somebody nearby spins a big wheel with loads of names written on it, to see who gets the privilege of being operated on next. Doctor Dangerous is in high demand these days, he has people lining up just to get the opportunity to be touched by his destructive (and yes, dangerous) hands. Legally, ethically, you are probably wondering how Doctor Dangerous can get away with all of this. The answer is, he makes a lot of money. He is a very popular and very influential person. He has a lot of connections. He knows people, and he isn’t afraid to operate on those people. He isn’t afraid to operate on anyone. If the people keep lining up to be unnecessarily operated on, if the people keep paying him ridiculous amounts of money just for him to hit them with an exploding hammer, then he will oblige his adoring public. People seem to really enjoy his wacky antics.

The wheel stops spinning and it has landed on ‘Former United States President George W Bush’. A large door opens and George W Bush is walked into the operating theatre, waving at everybody as he walks. He takes a good look at the baseball bat with nails sticking out of it, and points to himself as if to say “Is that for me?!”. George W Bush is instructed to lie down on a big table, which he does, as Doctor Dangerous rubs his chin thoughtfully. Is a baseball bat with nails in it really suitable for a former President of the United States? Doctor Dangerous believes that he needs to up his game significantly. 

Doctor Dangerous whispers something to a nearby nurse, who thinks that this idea is incredibly funny and amazing, and she hurries away to prepare it. “Won’t be a moment, Mr President! Have to get the good stuff ready for you, you see” says Doctor Dangerous. George W Bush is very happy to wait for the good stuff. Doctor Dangerous looks at his watch and wonders if he can fit in another operation in before the end of the day, after he has finished with George W Bush. Oh who is he kidding, of course he can fit in another operation! He can do whatever he wants, and if he wants to stay up all night operating on people, then that’s what he will do!

The nurse from earlier has returned with a chainsaw that is also on fire, and Doctor Dangerous looks as happy as a child at Christmas. What a wonderful new toy! Ah but what does Former President of the United States George W Bush think about it? George W Bush gives Doctor Dangerous a big hearty thumbs up, and that seems like a pretty good endorsement. Doctor Dangerous tilts his head back and opens his mouth as a nearby nurse pours a quarter of a bottle of Chinese vodka down his throat. The good doctor swishes that cheap disgusting mess around his mouth, spitting a little stream of Chinese vodka into a nearby nurses mouth, as he wipes his own mouth with his sleeve. Very hygienic. Alright kids, it’s time to get dangerous! Doctor Dangerous starts revving up the chainsaw, ready to go to work. He has the best job in the world.

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The Cat That Lost Its Way

The Cat yawns lazily to itself, and to no one else. The Cat does a big stretch, pushing its paws and its claws out in front of itself, trying to look as big as possible for no reason at all. The Cat has lost its way. The Cat used to be popular, used to be someone. The Cat used to be a major player in the cat world. Amongst other cats, The Cat was a big deal. The Cat used to have an owner, or someone that considered themselves to be the owner of The Cat. The Cat can never truly be owned, it is its own thing, it’s own person, it’s own entity. The Cat does not fit in with societies rules, does not subscribe to the notion of ‘ownership’ or any of that nonsense. The Cat cannot be owned. 

However, The Cat did appreciate the free food that the owner would give it. All The Cat had to do was turn up and it would get food. What a glorious time that was. Free food in exchange for simply turning up to accept the food. What a steal! It’s a dream scenario. A dream scenario that The Cat gave up voluntarily. Cats are fickle beasts in general, and The Cat is no different. Honestly, The Cat is probably more like other cats in that regard, as it is very fickle, very aloof. It very much plays by it’s own rules. Sometimes The Cat thinks that playing by somebody else's rules might not be such a bad idea, when times are tough. For example, when one might want some free food. Or when one might want a little belly rub. When you play by your own rules, it is much harder to get belly rubs. The Cat hates to give itself belly rubs, although sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do in this crazy mixed up world of ours. 

The trade off for doing things your own way is that you have to remember that you won’t get assistance from others. If you start doing things your own way, you will just end up annoying other people, and when other people become annoyed they become unresponsive, unhelpful. The Cat isn’t totally sure that ‘unhelpful’ is a real word, but it knows what it means. Besides, it's a cat. The fact that it knows any words at all is kind of amazing, when you think about it. Anyway, you won’t get assistance from others, is the point. See, that only happens if you play by THEIR rules. That’s how the world works, you have to play somebody else's game, they don’t like it if you start doing your own thing. People really hate that. They will only be nice to you if you do what they want you to do. The Cat does not subscribe to that philosophy. The Cat does what it wants, it cozies up to whoever it wants, it runs by its own schedule. Nobody tells The Cat what to do.

The Cat stretches out once again, in an even lazier manner than the last time. The Cat is in a very lazy mood, The Cat is hungry and it desires food. The Cat pulls itself up and gets ready to go out on the prowl, out to get some food, out to see if it can get somebody to scratch it behind the ears. The Cat blinks its right eye once, then twice. Its left eye is broken and sore, incapable of blinking, but that has never bothered The Cat. Having only one working eye seems like it may be a disadvantage but really it is the opposite, it works to The Cats advantage. It’s really easy to seek sympathy when you appear to only have one working eye. This is the trick, this is one of the things that The Cat has in its back pocket.

The Cat has been around for a long time, grifting people, and it intends to be around for a long time yet. The Cat remembers the last time it went out scrounging. The people it met gave it a name, they called it ‘molecule’. The Cat isn’t sure what it thinks about that name, but it doesn’t matter much. Call The Cat what you will, whatever you want, so long as you give it belly rubs and food. That is the mindset The Cat has as it leaps from its perch, hitting the ground running with all four paws. The Cat just wants to have a good time and to not be held accountable for anything, and who could blame it? That’s the kind of life we are all yearning for really, and The Cat lives that life every day. Did The Cat really lose its way? Or did everybody else? That’s not for The Cat to decide.

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Shooting Star

I just saw a shooting star, for the first time in my entire life. It looked beautiful, the trail was pure yellow but the star itself was kind of green, looked like a four pointed star. It was really cool. It didn't last very long, maybe 4 or 5 seconds.

As soon as I saw it, I knew that the rule is you should make a wish whenever you see a shooting star. Like blowing out candles on your birthday cake. I haven't had a birthday cake in a long time, because I'm an old man, but I love an old superstition, so as soon as I saw the shooting star I made a wish. I didn't waste any time, I made my wish by the time it disappeared. I hope it plays out, I hope my wish comes true. If it does I'll let you know.

I know I haven't made a whole lot of posts in 2024, I've not felt very creative. I like writing stories here but I know nobody reads them. I do plan on making more stuff in 2025, so let this be my mission statement. If I don't end up making more stuff in 2025, point back to this post and tell me I'm a dumb idiot.

Anyway, my wish had nothing to do with me being more creative. My wish had a much more personal slant to it. If it turns out that my wish came true, I'll be very eager to tell it to Tumblr. Keep your eyes open and your fingers crossed. I know I will.

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I don't really use Facebook anymore and I quit Twitter years ago so I don't really have anywhere to talk about this, but today I went back and listened an album I used to adore, The Big Roar by the Joy Formidable. A beautiful album if ever there was one. I haven't sat down and listened to this beast in many years, and I got inspired to do so today. I was not disappointed, it's still a fucking banger, and I recommend everybody go out of their way to listen to it. I promise it's worth it.

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I think I just saw a UFO.

So I saw something really weird in the sky and just have to write this down.

I saw a little black dot in the sky, way way up. It's bright daylight right here. This little black thing wasn't a bird, it was too high up for it to be that size and be a bird, and it wasn't flapping wings or anything. So at first I thought it was a helicopter, but it wasn't making any noise at all. Maybe it's a paraglider or something.

So as I look at the thing, it's moving towards me from the south, and going across the sky to my right, so I guess going West towards the sun. As it gets a little closer it looks like a line, like an 'l'. But it also looks as if it's bending occasionally, so sometimes it looks like a 'L'. More like a banana kind of shape, if you know what I mean. It looks like it has a curve. But sometimes its a straight line. And when it does have a curve, sometimes the curve is to the left, then it straightens out, and then sometimes the curve is on the right. So I thought it was a hanglider or paraglider or something, and they're just spinning around. I don't know how logical that is, if paragliders spin around that frequently when they are in the air.

Then as I keep watching it, sometimes it splits into two parts. This didn't just happen once, it happened like five or six times. The line would break off a little piece of it at the bottom, and then after a second the piece would reform back into the black line. So now I'm like... is the paraglider carrying something that's hanging off him? That occasionally pops off and goes back on? I have no idea.

It was so strange. A black thing in the sky, that was really far off and pretty high up, that made no sound, that sometimes was a straight line and sometimes curved, that sometimes detached a small part of it and then reattached it straight afterwards. It was flying into the direction of the sun, and I eventually lost sight of it.

I wonder what that was.

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A guy I knew a long time ago is in this band and this is their best song, it is delicious and they are a delicious band.

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Me likey.

Alien Ant Farms old stuff is sick as hell, I recommend it.

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Ramy Youssef posted this some time ago about when he managed (despite great restrictions from israel) to perform a comedy event in Palestine and upon finding out he was American, a Palestinian girl asked about the flint water crisis. And this reminded me of when the BLM protests started in Ferguson that people from Gaza reached out on social media to help them what to do when being tear gassed. Palestinians haven't just fought for their own rights. They've also despite their own horrors tried to help others like them