captainoftrolling

[captainoftrolling]

"Well, let's hope the birthday candles are short too."

"What sorts of things have you done recently to stunt your growth?"

  "…."

"So long as I can continue to do my job… it’s not really a serious concern.  It’s not like I can change something like that if it’s true."

[captainoftrolling]

"That's quite concerned for you...you might already be done growing."

"How would it feel to be the shortest person in your workplace for your entire life? Are you tall enough to blow out birthday candles?"

  *… is just going to ignore the jabs at his height* “… Between the ages of sixteen and twenty one.”

[captainoftrolling]

"But to jump to such a perverse conclusion from such an innocent question..."

"Tell me, little doctor, when is the normal age for growth to cease? I would guess that it's looming for you."

"Looming like a cookie jar on a shelf that's just out of reach."

  "….. The people I associate with are fine."

*sighs and just lets Malik use his head*

"And I’m sure this is normal.  I have plenty of time to grow."

[captainoftrolling]

"I'm still a bit concerned about the company you're keeping...even trustworthy people can be bad influences."

"But now, about your height." *places his elbow on Jude's head casually*

"This is quite out of the ordinary for someone so close to adulthood."

"…Ahaha… Rebellious teen years…"

"And I assure you, I’m not being corrupted.  I have a lot of friends and acquaintances worth of trust."

[captainoftrolling]

"I'm rather suspicious...you are getting into those rebellious teen years."

"Are you getting corrupted?"

"Though that's actually rather concerning with your height. You should be shooting up like a weed by now."

  "… It’s still here, Mr. Caesar…"

"But… um… I guess I’ve gotten weary with how our conversations seem to take strange turns in the last year.  I’m sorry."

"As for my height… I’m afraid nothing much changed since we last met."

[captainoftrolling]

"Jude, where have your professionalism and class gone?"

"Of course I'm asking about height, you're supposed to  be another year old this month."

"Oh, Mr. Caesar.  It’s been a whi—"

"…."

"U-Um… Just to be sure… You’re… asking me about my height, correct?”

[captainoftrolling]

"I don't know, it seems like you just keep sweeping it farther and farther back..."

"My hair on the other hand falls very naturally this way."

"I wear it down many times."

"Meanwhile, your hair’s sweeped to the side still, sir."

[captainoftrolling]

"Are you deflecting your own problems on to me?"

"if you notice, I don't do any combing over...but you on the other hand, with that swooshed back style..."

  "And yet, that would solve your balding head problem."

[captainoftrolling]

"Monks have to shave their heads."

"Never."

  "So, you’re saying this happened to you before because of your old age?"

"Maybe you should consider becoming a monk, old man."

[captainoftrolling]

"You're still a youngster, you haven't lived long enough to truly grasp the difficulty of matters like these."

"The memory doesn't stay sharp forever."

have you ever called the wrong name during a passionate love-making session?

"Nope and I’m quite happy to not have encountered that issue at all.”

"I hear it’s something that happens often when the person who’s being slept with isn’t the beholder of that individual’s thoughts though. So maybe you could go ask someone like… that captain guy.”

"Or, if you’re really desperate enough, that stupid delusional fish.”

[captainoftrolling]

uses-both-hands

Have you ever been serenaded by ovis aries?

 captainoftrolling

*what the heck Captain?* “What’s an ovis aries?"

"You truly don't know?" 

"A fine and cultured entrepreneur doesn't know what an ovis aries is?" 

[captainoftrolling]

Let's play the 'Word Association Game'! Send my muse a word, any word, and they'll respond with the first word that comes into their head.

[captainoftrolling]

"It's a truly dismal day in Lhant when this is the best a king can do."

"We better get her inside, before the cutis anserina gets worse."

  That is hardly possible, Malik. Asbel will have the best Lhant can provide for him. She is the best. 

*turns to the creeper lady* Where shall we take him?

[captainoftrolling]

*edges away* "There's such a thing as a private conversation."

"And Your Highness...you can help by finding a different midwife."

  Oh, you are here already. Very good. I trust the room is already prepared? *walks over*

What can I do to help?

[captainoftrolling]

"Your Highness, that's hardly convincing with how busy the two of you a-" *stops at the sight of the fingers*

*doesn't take a step closer* "That isn't very comforting..."

  I am hardly asking him to commit to have another child nine months from now, Malik. I am merely bringing up a possibility should it arise that we decide to have another.

Come, Asbel, let us head for your room. *ushers them inside*

[captainoftrolling]

"That wasn't terribly convincing."

"And it's not proper to talk that far ahead when a woman is in this state, where she can't even walk on her own. Have some manners."

  Asbel? *takes her hand* Are you well? 

I see no reason not to consider the future, Malik. *pushes the manor door open*

[captainoftrolling]

*walking up the stairs of the manor* "She's going to be doing quite a lot of touching."

"Though it's probably not the best time to get so far ahead of yourself, Your Majesty. It's not really fair for the young lady."

  …

That is a truly wonderful suggestion, Malik. Asbel, if we have another child, I shall have one prepared for you. We shall not be caught unprepared again.

Now let us hasten, Malik. There must be no further cause for delay.