whatever-azalea

[whatever-azalea]

JESUS CHRIST, IT DOESN’T END WITH YOU, DOES IT.Ty you made me cry ty ty ty I love you and our little family mucho Mr. Frederickson :*. Ugh, seriously babe, you’re the best, and now I can actually form coherent sentences.

Happy Mother’s Day to my beautiful wife, Azalea. We been through it all together and though you only officially became a mama a few days ago, motherhood’s already lookin pretty great on you. 

I also want to take this moment to publicly welcome Veronica Ivy and Flynn Palmer to the Frederickson family. We would’ve done it earlier but things got a little hectic (for  those who don’t know, Az went into labor onstage during Les Mis) and we just getting settled in so we ain’t had much time. But here they are, our two little bundles.

[whatever-azalea]

ljk;OGIAJEROGIAEIORGJAE;OGIJAE;OHJAERGAEGAL;KEGRJAOERIGJAERGJAEORHIJAEHGAETHIJAEHOAEIJTHAOETHIJAH HOW I DO FUNCTION PROPERLY WITH YOU IN THE HOUSE, I JUST?????? I HATE YOU BUT I LOVE YOU, I’M SO EMOTIONAL, AND I LOVE THEM, HOW ARE YOU LITERALLY THE BEST GIFTER IN THE WORLD ;v; YOU’RE THE BEST HUSBAND A GIRL COULD ASK FOR <3.

Also went caps crazy, but that’s youR OWN FAULT.

To my beautiful wife: 

I’d like to present you with not only a hanging azalea plant (because, come on, how could I not) but your first two pieces of mother’s jewelry. I went a little birthstone crazy, but I couldn’t help myself. I got excited, and I hope you like them, too. Thank you for not only being the greatest life partner I could ask for, but a wonderful mother. It ain’t been that long yet, but you’re already outdoing yourself.

I love you so much. Happy mother’s day.

-Anthony

[whatever-azalea]

Surprise Wedding: Bride.

[whatever-azalea]

Oh, now I really want to see them. THAT’D BE SO MEAN. Now I definitely want them to go through scene phases. When they get out of it, we can make custom wallpapers and put it up in their rooms. Never forget.

[whatever-azalea]

And you're my guy <3. Pssssssssshhhhhhhh, they can’t be that bad. Do it 4 the children. Would u want them to go through a scene phase.

[whatever-azalea]

Okay, I'm game. Pix or it didn't happen. Anthony Giordano, I swear to God. No scene. I can handle all the emo from literally everyone in the house, but no scene, pls. If u love me no.

[whatever-azalea]

LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL. Crunkcore is my new favorite thing ever. I'm going to get it tattooed on my body. OH. LOL. Lbr, I'd marry you no matter what bc I'm obsessed w/ u.

[whatever-azalea]

Brokencyde, okay maybe. Crunkcore. Is that really a genre, or are you making that up to make a point. PSH. You would have probably proposed sooner if I had a scene phase, u playin.

[whatever-azalea]

LOOL. I'm so very glad your scene phase died to emo because I don't think I could go to a Blood On The Dance Floor concert. I love you, baby, but not that much. I'm so glad that I escaped the scene phase, jesus.

[whatever-azalea]

HEY, FUCK YOU. THAT'S ONLY LIKE, 3/4 TRUE. LOL, I'm really sorry to hear that. Fifteen-year-old you was a regular scene queen.

[whatever-azalea]

I think fifteen-year-old you would get over it because it really doesn't look that bad. I like it. And now people actually believe us when we tell them we're a hetero couple.

[whatever-azalea]

Literally laughs because you look fifteen. But literally frowns loudly because I really hate lice ugh.

I got short hair now. And I hate it. Right before the wedding, too.

But I had no choice. Lice have infiltrated our home and the whole place is in an uproar. Little Nessy brought it home from school, I reckon, and she had to get her hair cut, too, and she ain’t happy about it neither. So far only she and I got it. Everyone else is either clean or bleaching/cutting their hair to prevent it.

As much as I hate to announce this shit on public forums, I thought it’d be the most courteous thing to do on a account of a lot of you hang out with a lot of us, so whether or not you been itchy, I’d get a fine-toothed comb and check yourself to make sure we didn’t infect you. If we did, I’m sorry.

[whatever-azalea]

This is Not What I Want, This is Not What I Planned

Where: Casa de Flower When: April 3rd Word count: 1,105 Trigger warning: depression, nightmares, blood

Routine, and more routine. Wake up, eat, sleep, eat, bathroom, sleep, eat, sleep, repeat, or maybe it was a different order, Azalea couldn't recognize a steady pattern anymore. The days were blurring together and when she blinked, the month changed, and the days progressed one by one until the calendar read April 3rd, 2014. Still she was a lump on her shared bed, practically having an indent of her frame in the mattress, but today she was heavier (heavier than a pregnant woman could already be). And her pillow was damp, but not from sweat from the nightmares that woke her up from her naps, surprisingly, but from tears. She broke routine today. She couldn't even muster enough energy to leave her bed, but she stayed wide awake. Today her brain was torturing her, keeping her awake, from the beginning of the day, until the end. And you'd think she would at least hear what was going on daily, but not today.

It was quiet. Eerily quiet, considering who the tenants of their home were, and it just drove Azalea farther into whatever state of mind she was slinking into. The only sounds were shifting of items, and moving, and moving, and more moving. But no words. With the displeasure, she would have done something, or said something, but she couldn't. She could barely make audible words when she was constantly being checked up on by Ant, just a soft murmur, and a nod. And she cried. Not the way she wanted. She wanted to sob. To kick and scream and sob and ask why, but she couldn't, she didn't have the energy to. She was slowly becoming part of her bed, and part of her was okay with it. If it wasn't the fact that she couldn't sleep. And time dragged on. The light from her window shining white, to orange, to dull purples and blues, until there wasn't any light at all. She couldn't even see the moon tonight. The sky seemed dull, cloudy, and completely bleek. At some point, she heard Iris come in, straighten things out, get things together, pull a blanket over her, and was on her way. They couldn't speak about it, at least not today, and it only made the knots in her stomach tighten, feeling another stream of warm tears start to spill onto her pillow.

Her eyes were so heavy. As if they were sleep ready, and maybe she finally was. Especially since by now she felt the familiar shift in weight of the mattress, heard an audible goodnight followed by a soft kiss on her head. There was a certain comfort she felt knowing that if something happened, she could turn around, and Ant was there. It was comfort enough for her to actually close her eyes, other than just blinking. But it stung. Her eyes were sore, just like every other muscle in her body, and it wasn't the good kind of sore either. And it stayed in the back of her mind, only drifting when her thoughts scattered, focusing more on the soft breathing coming from the other side of the bed. Slowly, everything dulled, and before she knew it, she was asleep, settling into what could be a nightmare. Or maybe a dream. Time could only tell from this point onward.

"Why are we walking in the middle of the street?"

"Relax, princess, we'll be fine."

"Are you sure?"

"How many times have I been wrong"

Azalea laughs, nods. "Point." She slings her arm around her companion.

And then they stop. So she stops. Curiously, she looks up, and she staring into the glowing eyes of blackened figures. Ice shoots through her body, and her grip on the man's arm tightens. Tightens, and tightens until there isn't anything there. Tilting her head, the man is gone. Her heart is now racing, but she's trying to control her breathing. The figures start to move forward, and she realizes quickly this is a nightmare. So that means she can wake up now.

And she tries. But nothing happens, and the figures are still moving closer and closer, her anxiety level rising with each passing moment. Trying to move something, any body part, she's frozen. The scenery is no longer a street, but her own bedroom, completely vivid, and the figures are inches from the foot of her bed. They're going to kill me. I'm going to die. Her whole body feels as if it's submerged in an ice bath as her heart continues to pound so hard against her chest she could hear it, and feel it in her ears. Right as the figures reach her bed, a jolt of adrenaline shots through her body, quickly sitting up, taking in a sharp breath. The beads of sweat on her shoulders and on her forehead ran down her body, leaving her bed damp, again. Taking a quick check around the room, there was no longer any figures, and huge sigh of relief escaped her as she tried to wipe the sweat from her face. Still, her heart was pumping hard, and the soreness returned to every limb. Shakily she pushed her off the bed, with the assistance of a night stand, and slowly she made her way to the bathroom, checking, and double-checking behind her that the figures weren't around.

And the weren't. Which just calmed her nerves, and her shaking hands enough to wet her face a bit, recreate her messy bun, and waddle to the toilet. Having a kid sitting right on your peebag makes you wanna go. So she did, pulling down her underwear, and stopping as she felt another shot of ice through her veins. If it the amount of blood that stained her underwear wasn't a dead giveaway something was wrong, then it could have been both dried, and fresh blood that decorated the inside of her thighs, trickling down to her calves, or even the spots of blood that the bathroom had. Her breathing was shallow, as she felt a panic start to set in. Was she having another nightmare? She'd never had one like this before, but she couldn't tell. She didn't even clean herself up, just pulled her underwear back up, and as she went back into her bedroom, started turning lights on, following the trail of blood right back to her bed, to her spot on the bed. Her heart dropped to her stomach when she saw the puddle of blood stained the sheets. And she screamed, because she couldn't form words. She must have woken everyone in the neighborhood up, but she didn't care.

[whatever-azalea]

La Dispute - a Letter

i guess i figured that it hurt for a reason

[whatever-azalea]

I've been trying to fight this inevitable empty feeling all year. All these 365 days where I've been trying to keep myself busy. Moving around, not stopping, worrying about this, and worrying about that, just trying to stop the clockwork of my brain and forget for the sake of my own sanity. But it's no use, none of it, because eventually I'd stop, and it'd sink in. A fucking year, and I'm still making the same bullshit mistakes, and avoiding everything that shows signs of conflict. For a while I was good, daddy. I tried to talk to someone, even if it was just letters to you, it worked for the time being. And then.. I just.. I got caught up.. And please don't hate me dad, but I thought. I thought that if maybe I forgot then I could get better. And the most fucked up part was it worked. I stopped having nightmares, and it's been pretty smooth sailing.. For the most part.. But they've come back, and now it's just worst than before, and I'm really scared.. Scared because now I have another little person to worry about that isn't Iris or Holly. And this one is mine and I have no idea what I'm doing... I just.. I knew you know how to help me, daddy. You were always the one person who could help me. Always and I just.. I miss you so much, dad.. I know this isn't how you would have wanted things, you expected so much more of me.. And I'm so, so, so sorry I gave up trying. I want to promise you I'll get better. That I can see the light at the end of the tunnel, but I can't.. I don't know what's going to happen next and I'm terrified.. And I hate that you aren't around to tell me what to do.

I love you so much, dad. I hate what happened. I miss you.

Azalea.

[whatever-azalea]

Then don't let him, Chels, kick his ass to the curb, it's not fair to you or Cass.

Don’t know, don’t care anymore. He can’t do this.

[whatever-azalea]

Seriously? What was his excuse this time?

He came back.