captiangamer-blog - Tumblr blog

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The writing engraved on the frame of the mirror is supposedly in a foreign and probably dead language, but if you look closely it says "I show not your face but your heart's desire" backwards, with the spaces rearranged. Erised stra ehru oyt ube cafru oyt on wohsi.

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MRW my friends call me over to do bleach shots.

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Me during my diet

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Waking up before school wondering wether I should go or no.

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When kids are being taught this in schools, you know something is wrong with that country.

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Me

How I imagine I won as a sperm

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[this funny picture via lolsnaps]

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Well damn

Run-over Another Snowman, Jackass—I can build these all day.

12 years ago, when I was in 10th grade, my sister (who was 8 at the time) built a giant snowman after an unusually heavy Pennsylvania snow.  She spent all day on this thing and it was actually pretty impressive.  

The town I’m from is actually a borough and it only has something like 7,000 people who live there, meaning High School classes were small and relatively tight-knit.  There was one particular kid, who I’ll call Scotty, who drove me up the fucking wall.  He never did anything to me personally, but he just had a massively annoying way about him.  To make matters worse, it seemed as if I had way too many classes with him to be statistically possible.

One of Scotty’s irritating behaviors is that he drove a loud, redneck-ish, John-Deere-green truck.  It was obnoxious as hell and (important to the story later) had a huge brush guard on the front of it.    

Well, on the evening after she built her snowy sentinel, I heard the sound of Scotty’s truck making its way down the street from inside our livingroom.  Then I heard the “pfft” of someone running over a snowman and laughing.  Unfortunately for my sister, she had built it close to the road and too easily within the range of this semi-guided asshole.   She was rather upset to see her day’s work splattered all over the street…  Something needed to be done about this.

So, the next morning, I woke up early and began building another snowman.  It was glorious.  I made the classic, three section, scarf-wearing, sticks-for-arms-and-vegetables-for-a-face snowman.

This new snowman’s cheery countenance betrayed a grim and dark secret, however; Frosty was built on top of a fire hydrant at the corner of our yard where there was no curb.

For a good two days I dreamt of Scotty wrapping his stupid truck around my masterpiece out in the yard.  But no dice.  I didn’t see him at all anywhere around town so I thought I was out of luck.

Then, on the evening of the 4th day, I heard it.  My family was eating dinner and I heard the low grumble of fate’s motors kicking from gear to gear.  Would they find themselves abruptly halted in about 10 seconds?  It all depends on you, Scotty boy…

So I start chewing my food really fast because, knowing the idiot, I knew what was happening next.  The final acceleration sounded off like a chaotic crescendo as he plowed straight into—not through—the snowman with the deafening crunch of twisting metal.

My family ran outside and it took everything I had to not laugh before I got out there.  There stood Scotty, dazed and bewildered and caught-off guard by a battle that he lost before he realized it had begun.

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Gifs & Video: 100 Years of Beauty in 1 Minute: American Men

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